The Weirdest Things Patients Have Ever Said When Waking Up From Anesthesia

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"Count down from 100."

Those instructions will sound familiar if you've ever been put under for surgery or a dental procedure. You also know that you're not quite yourself when you wake up.

Reddit users were asked various times to share their best stories of people being under the influence of anesthesia and almost 6,000 people responded.

Speaking in Tongues

When I was being put under for oral surgery, the nurses said I started babbling in a strange language, and recorded part of it for proof. It turns out I was speaking Welsh (my grandparents were from Wales). Odd thing was, under anesthesia I sounded pretty fluent and conscious I only know random words and phrases.  ProfessorLake

Rewards For Bravery

My dentist kept a big basket of little toys and prizes to reward the youngest patients, you know, mini yo-yos and stickers and stuff.  When I got my wisdom teeth out, I remember stumbling over to it and deciding I really wanted a treat, but I was too clumsy from the drugs to pick anything up. So I thought, "F* it, I was so brave, I deserve all of it," and I swept it all into my sweatshirt pocket. 

Woke up to my sister and her boyfriend laughing at me, sleeping next to my pile of treasures. Temporary tattoos, stick-on earrings, little whistles and pinwheels, pencils, bouncy balls, I got them all. I couldn't laugh, so I just made a sound like, "Hoo hoo hoo" and went back to sleep. 
I feel a little bad about it now.  what_n0w

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Can I Get A Frosty With That?

When I went in to have my appendix removed after it rudely burst the doctors were trying to keep me in good spirits. So they asked me before I went under for surgery after not feeling well or eating for about 48 hours:

Dr: "What is the first thing you want to eat?" 
Me: "Wendy's" 
Dr: "What are you going to get at Wendy's" 
Me: "Everything." 

Then I went under for surgery and woke up like 2 hours later and it felt like (I ate) a cactus so I obviously asked "wtf?" the nurse that was with me simply told me that I had woken up in the middle of surgery. I guess I slipped my arm out of the wrist holder restraint and reached over and ripped my breathing tube out and advised "I'm fu_king starving" and they apparently freaked out and told me they weren't done to which I replied "Oh I'm sorry, continue" and passed back out. I remember nothing, but my throat does, as well as the orderly that was laughing about it with me in the AM.  parkesto

Feeling Frisky

I put people out like once or twice a day.... Funniest one I can remember is this dude in with a dislocated shoulder, kinda a meek guy and his wife was in the room - usually we make family leave, but not always. Anyway, start talking to him while we push the drugs and at first he's totally with it, "Oh well, my wife and I are going to Hawaii (words getting more slurred) thiss weeek and (eyes droopy) Imunna f___ the SH*T outtaver... (almost out)...". His wife was SO RED. We all tried not to smile and she excused herself.  elaxandletithappen

Good Name Though

When I went under to have my appendix removed, I apparently kept telling everyone I could about my cat, Russell.

I don't have a cat.  Demaikeru

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Who's There?

My oral surgeon told me a knock knock joke while I was being put under for my wisdom teeth removal. 
Afterwards, he told me that I laughed so hard at the joke that I threw up and pissed my pants. He said no one had ever laughed that much at one of his jokes before. 
I don't remember any of it, but my pants were definitely moist while I was in the recovery room. It was pretty embarrassing for 23 year old me. [deleted]

Yes Sir, General Anesthetic

As I was being wheeled into the OR for brain surgery the drugs were heavily kicking in. My wife, referring to the two dozen or so people preparing for the operation said, "Man, there's an army of people here to take care of you." 
I replied, "How the hell are we going to feed them?"  RDRHostage

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Call Me Sal

I (a guy) had a simple surgery about a year ago to remove some bone fragments I had floating around in my ankle when I broke it. Apparently right after they got me back from my anesthetic they were asking me the date, where I was, and my name to make sure there were no complications. I apparently looked the male nurse dead in the eyes and told him "You can call me Sally if it makes you feel better, but it isn't going to help you get lucky tonight."  Thunderthorz

$4,000?

My 15 year old son had a fever, stomach ache, and pain in his side. We went to the Doctor, who sent us straight to the hospital fearing Appendicitis. ER doc told us the same thing. They start an IV and sedate him then run tests to confirm diagnosis. Turns out he had a stomach flu, and the pain in his side was gas. Or as we call it now, the $4000 fart. Anyway, as we are leaving the hospital my son is freaking out. He is yelling at me "You are a huge idiot, and getting ripped off. You didn't even ask the doctors to shrink my head back to normal size. How am I going to fit this giant head in the car. There is no way I am going to school like this. What if my head just floats off my body. Do you even love me? Why didn't you ask them how to shrink my head?" I was laughing so hard and trying to console my son who was really concerned about his giant head floating off of his shoulders. A positive side effect of his outburst was he got so riled up yelling, he let out a huge fart then let us know he felt better, and only occasionally asked us about his giant head for the next hour. fictionalname

Tattoo Tail

I had a colonoscopy done last year. I also have a tattoo of Bender from Futurama on my a**. Apparently I was very aggressive in trying to show the nurses and doctors my tattoo. That was a weird day.  pjkenk2

Laughter is the Best Medicine

This happened as I was just waking up from surgery for something done below the waist. As I saw the nurses looking under my gown. They were laughing about something, and I said, "Usually when a woman looks down there she doesn't laugh." 
Which caused them to laugh even harder.  [[deleted]1]

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I've Seen This Episode

One time I was under and my doctor spoke to me briefly while standing outside my curtained room, with only his head peeping past the curtain. When he saw that I was awake and talking, he elaborately opened the curtain up to reveal a group of 10-15 people standing, watching me in my hospital bed. Apparently I kept saying that I was on an episode of Scrubs, and I wouldn't stop calling the doc JD.  Idunno-doyouknow

Don't Make Me Turn This Gurney Around

I was sitting in the recovery room after my girlfriend had her appendix out, and they wheeled in an older woman. The nurses were talking about nurse stuff, like what cubicle to put her in, and the older woman goes "HEY! Quiet down back there, or I'm turning this car around right now!" in a dopey anesthesia voice. On cue, both nurses go "Sorry, Mom!" The lady smiles.  [deleted]

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Under Attack

I had a breast reduction several years ago and when I came out of anesthesia I immediately punched my nurse in the face and started screaming and trying to get up and get away. It really didn't go well. I don't really remember them getting me out of the surgery center, but I remember on the way home I was screaming and cursing and just generally freaking out in an insane way, all while my mother attempted to keep me from hurting myself. I guess I thought I was in a captive situation and everyone was trying to kill me, or take my organs for the black market. I have no idea. 
When we got home she instantly handed me 2 of my prescribed Percocet and left me to drool and watch TV. I went back a week later and apologized to the nurse, gave her a gift certificate to a day spa, and gave the staff a bunch of baked goods. I felt awful about it. I work in the medical field, and I was the nightmare patient.  CosmicDustbunny

Vivid Imagination

At 18 I had my wisdom teeth removed. I distinctly remember the doctor asking what I saw out of the window as I was going under. I realized later I described in great detail a topless woman in the window of the building across the street. 
...the doctors office overlooked a field.  SpiritOf76ers

Greatest Ever

I was put under general anesthetic for surgery a few years ago. The doctor told me afterward that I vividly described what I called "the greatest seven minutes of porn ever created". He said the nurse had to leave the room because she was so embarrassed. I have no idea what I was even talking about and remember none of it.  StickleyMan

True Confessions

I was coming out from general anesthetic after my colonoscopy (a few months after I turned 21), I described in glorious detail the events of my 21st birthday to my parents and our church pastor (who'd come to visit), including my younger friend hooking up with my boss, how the car had actually gotten damaged, and how the security deposit for the apartment was withheld for "excessive carpet staining." 
The first thing I remember was my mother's disapproving stare ?_? and my dad saying. "I don't think you should ever drink that much again." 
The next time I had a colonoscopy was a few years later, shortly after I returned from Europe. I asked the nurse to make sure I was conscious of what I was saying before they let my parents in that time since the stories I was likely to tell were much more embarrassing. 
To clarify, I was raised in the bible belt, and this was the first time I had discussed anything alcohol consumption related with my parents. That church pastor stopped inviting me to events at her house and hasn't looked at me the same way since.  thewalex

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Prim and Proper

As a student, I spent a day observing (and trying to be helpful) in the recovery ward for a GI clinic (think Colonoscopy). I was bringing a gentleman's wife in to see him and went over to see if he was fully awake. Now, this was a very proper gentleman, who came in in a 3 piece suit, and seemed super-embarrassed about the whole process. 
So, he looks up at me, farts, then says "nurse, I think I have just been violated" before falling back asleep. His wife just sorta stood there. I booked it out of the room, spent 5 minutes laughing hysterically in the cleaning room, surrounded by all manner of equipment designed to go into people.  KirinG

Lizard King

I had wisdom teeth removed. I remember my doctor mentioning that after I went under I started talking about lizards with hats. That doesn't trump what followed the surgery though. 
Upon being roused from my seat my father jokingly offered to let me drive home. He and the doctor had to chase me and take the keys from my hands. Next thing I remember is waking up on the couch making car noises.  acktac

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Freddie Is a God

My mom was my driver while I had my wisdom teeth pulled and was in the room when I was being 'brought back' from the anesthesia. I don't remember any of it but my mother told me that the nurse told me that I had to keep my mouth still to stop the bleeding. I then preceded to start singing "Under Pressure" by Queen and when she told me to stop talking, I looked at her with a face full of disgust and said "Freddie Mercury is a god and it's bullsh*t you don't like him." This all happening while my mouth was stuffed with gauze.  bigsausagepizzasven

Nachos

When I had my wisdom teeth taken out last summer, I tried to get into a fist fight with my doctor because he kept hitting my gag reflex and I was mad about it. When I came to, he was pretty pissed, then while I was being lead to the recovery room, the anesthetic made me feel tall, and I started laughing and said "what is this, an oral surgeon's office for ANTS?!" I sh*t you not...my memory's spotty, but I very vividly remember yelling that in the office. Then when I got to the recovery room, I asked for nachos, the nurse said no, and I cried for 3 hours afterwards. 
Pretty sure the doctors and nurses never saw someone switch moods that fast.  TeHNyboR

How High?

I am deathly afraid of needles so I got laughing gas before getting put out when getting my wisdom teeth removed. My Indian dentist was testing how out of it I was to see if it was okay to put the needle in me and asked, "How high are you?" really meaning, "How tall are you?". I'm a stoner so my natural response was "I'M HIGH AS F___ DUDE!". Gave him a little laugh that day.  prebreeze

Flipper

Had two operations about ten years apart in the same hospital. Got wheeled in to the pre-op room for the second operation and looked at a picture on the wall of an underwater scene. Recognized it from when I was 14 and had a flash back of talking endlessly under the pre-op anesthetic to the nurses the last time about "the pretty dolphins". Attempted to relate this hilarious story at 25 to the nurses present and found myself raving about the pretty dolphins all over again.  Thomboy

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Metal Health

I had to go under for a lithotripsy for a kidney stone (they shoot sound waves into your kidney to break up the stone.) They had been giving me morphine all day so I was feeling pretty good. When they brought me into the room for the procedure they brought over the gas mask and asked if I was ready, I looked at the nurse and said, "F' YEAH! BLAST THAT F'ER OUT OF THERE WITH SLAYER!!"  tommyservo

Getting Comfortable

When I was younger, I dislocated both my shoulders. When I went to the hospital, they put me under and when I awoke I was still feeling the effects. 
My dad later told me that when I woke up, I started to strip off all my clothes and called my doctor a dirty (girl) multiple times. I guess I don't react well to anesthetic?  sockshot

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Feeling the Love

I'm a nurse who administers "twilight sedation" for endoscopy procedures. My patients come in thirsty, starving, and usually scared sh*tless. 
In general, I'd say the whole sedation process makes them less rather than more weird. It's very rewarding when a highly anxious patient awakens to find it's all over, they don't remember a thing, and the news is (hopefully!) good. 
That said, there are entertaining moments! Sometimes, relief and a Versed buzz translate into deep affection. One guy woke up to learn he didn't need invasive surgery, told me he loved me, went back to sleep, and repeated that process every five minutes for an hour, even after I brought his wife back.  tadababa

Age Inappropriate

I had to get stitches. Something went wrong and the gash got ripped open a little more. I was told that they had to put me under. While going under I apparently grabbed an older lady nurses' (talking mid 50's) chest, and told her I like my milk spoiled.  [deleted]

Don't Eat the Baby

When I was born, there were some severe complications and my mum was given gas & air. She was convinced that she was giving birth to a tin of spaghetti, and kept saying how she was looking forward to eating me.  duffgirl

Excused Absence

40 year old man, waking up: "No Mum! I don't want to go to school today, the kids are mean."  whistledick

What Not to Watch

Apparently when I was put under to get chemotherapy in my spine, I yelled "demons! Demons! The Apocalypse is coming!" I had watched a whole marathon of Supernatural the day before.  maciballz

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