
Valentine's Day is one of those holidays that messes with people. We know it's total marketing trash created as a way to sell us stuff we don't need. Roses die, diamonds are awful, stuffed animals collect dust and your dog's just going to eat the nose off of it anyway, and none of us need that much chocolate in one sitting - at least as far as our dentists are concerned. Still, if we don't celebrate it, some of us get really really salty.
That leaves people and their partners perpetually panicking. (High fives to me for that alliteration) Do we gift? Do we not? How much? What's appropriate? By the time we figure it out, it's often way late in the game - at least in my world. If you're like that, too - no need to worry. Reddit's got you covered.
Reddit user u/Top3GamesA asked:
Reddit, whats a good last minute idea for Valentines day?
Start taking notes, folks
Pictures
Serious Answer: print out some nice pictures of the two of you (throw them in some nice frames or a book for bonus points.) People so rarely have physical pictures nowadays and its nice to have something you can keep on your desk or something.
Also you can hide sh!t in the background of the pictures and wait to see how long it takes them to notice.
Something Personal
The best gifts are gonna be something personal to the person and not something generic. Maybe some of their favorite snack food, or make their favorite meal. Take them to their favorite restaurant or just somewhere sentimental to you both.
White Castle
Last year I was sick/injured and couldn't really do too much but the girl I was with suggested we go to White Castle and I was like "you're awesome! Hell yeah I'll go." And I was just gonna go through drive through but she said she called and made reservations like 2 weeks before and I was like "for white castle?" And I sh*t you not, there was balloons and numbers on the table and stuff and it was actually really cool. Plus who doesn't love those little delectable burgers?
Nothing...
Doing nothing........ no really.
Well perhaps not 'nothing', but the problem with Valentines day is everything suddenly doubles in price and/or is fully booked weeks in advance and I'm not just talking about restaurants. One of the greatest things you can do is go grab some food from the store and produce a home cooked meal for your SO and watch a film of questionable quality. Then throw on some Phil Collins and smoosh booties.
Sea Turtle Museum
A girl I have a crush on is really into marine life and the ocean in general. I wanted to take her to a Sea Turtle Museum.
- Onoh_9
Frozen Rose
The Ice Cream Rose in bucket
get a plastic flower pot, line it with foil or plastic wrap, fill it with cookies and cream ice cream, get a pack of oreos and crumble it, cover the ice cream with it, acting as dirt, and stick a long stem rose in the middle.
its a rose, and ice cream, and you did it yourself. Its fail proof.
Ladies Love Meat
Not exactly last minute, but I'm planning on making my wife a nice steak dinner. I'm going to dry brine ribeyes and reverse sear them, make roasted garlic mashed potatoes, roast asparagus, and serve it with a wine bottle that we got at our wedding. To finish I'm making a nice white cake from scratch.
Live And Learn
Back in college my now wife and I went out for a Valentine's dinner. It was a nightmare. We didn't really even have the money, it was packed with other 20 something year old couples. The entire thing was just shitty and unenjoyable.
The next year we ordered Chinese and smoked a blunt.
I'm 33 now, and have two kids, so a blunt would probably break my brain, but we still just order Chinese and relax.
TLDR: Pot, take out, pajamas. In a pinch, at least just the last two.
Lush
I got a photo frame that has room for 5 photos. I chose 5 of my favorite photos of us together and assembled them in the frame. Walmart usually has big teddy bears and chocolate, and don't forget flowers. Also if there is a lush nearby go there, the staff are excellent at helping you score brownie points.
A Die Hard Valentine's
My wife and I choose a department store like Target (though we're thinking of using a mall this year), go there together, and then spend a set amount of time (about 30 min) sneaking around trying not to see/be seen by the other as we buy gifts for them within our agreed-upon budget. Then we check out (again, don't get seen!) and meet up near the entrance to exchange gifts.
This works best when there is a coffee shop or food court in the location you choose to make the exchange more comfortable. It's fun because the limited supply of the store you are in makes it both harder and easier to choose what to get. The gifts are definitely secondary to the fun of playing around like a couple kids, and anyone at the store who asks what the heck we are doing is always really positive about it.
This has been our tradition for about ten years now and we look forward to it all year. It's like a hide and seek/Die Hard Valentine event.
The Hunt
Write 10 or 15 short reasons you love them on slips of paper, hide them in your house and send them on a scavenger hunt!
- livmight
We're all adults who are totally mature and don't, at all, giggle a little bit on the inside when someone talks about what conditions are like on Uranus.
Yeah just kidding, that's hilarious.
Uranus is our favorite heavenly body.
Reddit user rsideoson asked:
"What is a word that sounds inappropriate?"
Don't worry, Reddit is absolutely no more mature than we are and we all deserve a childish giggle every now and then.
Throat Thingy
"Uvula (dangly bit in your throat)"
- prettysouthernchick
"Ooohhh, so it's a girl house"
- Lusty_Argonian_Man
" 'All god's children got a uvula!'."
- theoldroadhog
"In Swedish it is called gomspene whick translates to pallet teet."
- nemeras
"That little dangly thing that’s hanging in the back of their throat?"
- Admirable-Door1724
A What Hole ?
"Manhole"
- NightOnFuckMountain
"Our city has had several instances of exploding manholes in the downtown area. My friends never let an opportunity to make such comments pass them by. (And I love them for it!)"
- Needspoons
"Played some drawing game once where you'd draw the word u get by the game and others would try guess it...my friend got that word and drew a .. manhole..like.. a literal manhole not the actual one, and that was when i learned that word lol"
- chaexhun
Chew Works Too
"Masticate"
- HoopOnPoop
"Especially at the dinner table.."
- BassWingerC-137
"Those mukbangers masticate all over the place"
- imccompany
"This is the winner."
- the_pointy
"Do you oppose public mastication?"
- Cy41995
Lets Just Not Use It Anymore
"This is not a fun or funny example, but, 'niggardly'."
"Etymologically, it has absolutely nothing to do with that other word. They have totally different origins, and sound/look similar purely as a matter of coincidence."
"But it's just not worth the explanation when "stingy" or 'miserly" work just as well, so it's basically a dead word."
- rejectednocomments
"Even the Reverend Jesse Jackson defended the use of this word."
"Also, TIL he's still alive."
- AtTheLeftThere
"I remember being a preteen and stepdad using this word. I was horrified. He was mildly racist so I wasn’t too surprised but we were in public. 'Dad!!!! There’s a black woman right there!!!'."
"He explained what it meant but I sure never ever used that word."
- baxbooch
"Yeah this word is gone forever. There is no way of tossing that out in casual conversation ever again, and even if you did you'd have to spend a good few minutes defending what you meant and looking it up to prove it."
- coombuyah26
Playing Around With Speed
"Fartlek."
"It's a running term and as a grown man I still giggle when I hear it."
- PreppyFinanceNerd
"Wait is that how it’s spelled? I always thought it was Fartlick lol"
- Hydra57
"You guys use that? It's Norwegian, meaning speed game."
- Cheetah_Hungry
"Fartlek’s were misery in high school XC. Always just called it a fart lick"
- silverhammer96
Fortunella Sounds Fancier
"Kumquat"
- blaketyner
"You rang?"
- Sour_Kumquat
"Got banned from a forum for calling someone a kumquat. No regrets."
- eclecticsed
"The restaurant I worked at had a kumquat margarita and for a good 2 weeks the menu accidentally had cumquat, but each time the manager tried to fix it they’d accidentally print the wrong on again and there’d be too many copies to just throw out."
- silverhammer96
"That's a good one"
- TheKalebPerkins
The 'L' Is Important
"Caulk"
- HiakaiSiempre
"This may only be true in American English...in other accents it's much less suggestive"
- Tel-aran-rhiod
"Hehe caulk"
- MrsFlubberbuns96
"Don't wanna wait forever for that caulk to harden"
- Brilliant_Succotash1
"I used to work for a construction company doing purchasing and apparently in the winter caulk gets cold and refuses to work so you need to put your caulk in a caulk warmer"
- nmw6
"My brother insists on over enunciating the L so it sounds like. Cow-LK"
- jawshoeaw
You Sure About This One?
"Jiggers, also known as the chigoe flea. Similarly, chiggers, also known as berry bugs."
- ArmoredArmadillo05
"Jigger is also the little double-ended cup bartenders use for measuring alcohol for cocktails."
- PromptCritical725
"I was looking for these two."
- kazeespada
" 'Jigger' is used every day by Australian surveyors. It’s what we call our theodolites or Total Stations. Short for thingamajigger perhaps. If my mate’s jigger wasn’t cooperating, he’d say 'jigger please'.”
- rawker86
"What’s my motherf*cking name?"
- GeezRick
So Many Botanical Puns
"Clematis"
- bl0ckplane
"One summer day at a barbecue at my mum in laws, she walked outside and announced “wait til you see the size of the flower on my clematis” I snort inhaled my wine"
- Hatchetface1705
"I think they can cure that with a penicillin shot/s"
- 51225
"Another botanical word that makes me giggle:"
"Peonies"
- RunningFromSatan
"Scabiosa. Or, as the Brits would say, scabious."
- Tacoma__Crow
This Is Another One We Should Maybe Not Use
"Negus. It means a hot drink of port, sugar, lemon, and spices, and it's a royal title."
- JustPlay94_cryer
"Can you use it in a sentence?"
- YubNub81
"Doesn't it also refer to an Ethiopian king?"
- Dbwasson
"Negan in Roman times."
" 'I am Negus! Thou shalt provide me with copious produce!'."
- imjb87
You heard (and laughed at) Reddits appropriately inappropriate words, now it's your turn to get in on the fun.
As much as people try to put on a good face in public, many of them have idiosyncratic behavior–like involuntary foot-tapping–they are ashamed of having.
Some folks, however, are not as self-aware.
These individuals could care less about other people and they act like the world is their nasty, unkempt, malodorous, living room.
Curious to hear examples of gross behavior, Redditor Dazzling_Age_4795 asked:
"What's the most disgusting bad habit?"
No one wants to see it, yet, here we are.
Leaving Evidence
"Taking a dump and then not flushing in public toilets."
– dynotrek
Splatterers
"I work in reception in a dental office, our Covid protocols included having wipe down the bathroom after each person. The amount of pee I’ve had to wipe off the seat and floor is absolutely disgusting. People are pigs- wipe the damn seat if your aim is that awful!!! They knew too, the intense stare down I gave them when exiting the bathroom, oh they knew."
–Reign_City
Lazy Pet Owners
"Dog poop ( living in holland ) drives me crazy how much is just lying around. Disguisting habit for dog owners to just not care to clean it up. Which is in fact mandatory but hey... if no one sees it, its not a crime."
– Syfodias
Turd Bombs
"People who don’t pick up their dog’s poop don’t deserve to have a dog. I also hate seeing bags of dog sh*t left on the ground. Like why bag it and just leave it there? It’s actually better for the environment if you don’t put it in the bag, lazy."
– lydviciousss
The Gross Collection
"Keeping your booger wall in plain sight where guests can see it."
– twodamntall
Orifice Buffet
"I once saw a person picking their ear and eating the wax. That sh*ts even worse then picking and eating out of your nose."
– Ddaveeh
Those without any concept of having respect for their environment are very telling of the type of person they are.
Trashing The Place
"littering."
– yParticle
"Those folk who buy cigarettes and casually walk around unwrapping and dropping plastic as they go... God I hate those guys."
– bishopsfinger
Driving Smokers Suck
"People smoking while driving seem to almost always throw their cigarette butt out the window without a care in the world."
–BridgeFantastic6458
And those who don't have any respect for others in public got majorly slammed.
Open Forum
"Not sure if it's a 'habit', per se, but those people that have their phones on speaker ALL THE WAY UP casually talking on the train, in the grocery store, and in restaurants. I do not want to hear about your mother's bunion."
– Pattimash
Hush, Please
"Dude for real. I go to the library every once in a while for some quiet time.. the number of people who talk on their phone is ridiculous. Half the time if you go up to them and ask if they could be quieter or take it to the lobby they act like you're the rude one."
–StupidGuy6969
Clogging The Shower
"Taking a sh*t in the shower and pushing it into the drain... I knew people who did that, safe to say I don't anymore."
– Chipmunk654
A Crappy Confession
"I’ve got to be honest, I farted once and a nugget, maybe the size of a pickled onion, fell out whilst I was taking a shower. As the particular bathroom I was in had the toilet in a separate room I decided the safest option for me was to squish the turd into the drain with my foot."
"I’m not proud but sometimes it has to be done."
"For clarity, I do not condone purposely dropping a full sh*t in the shower."
– User Deleted
Germy COVID Hands
"Not washing hands after using the bathroom, especially in public. Like at a restaurant."
– enigmaroboto
Look, I know we all have our quirks, but I'm just not a nail-chewing and booger-flicking stan.
It's not like people with these habits are deliberately trying to inconvenience my life. But...they are.
I don't need to be stepping on nail remnants and dried-up balls of nose mucus with my barefeet.
So, what gross habits and/or behavior really gets your blood boiling?
People have different levels of tolerance when it comes to profanity.
And some people can't stand the sound of rude or vulgar language so much that they can't bring themselves to say these naughty words themselves.
But when anyone reaches a high level of anger or frustration, they still might need a verbal outlet.
And instead find themselves coming up with an alternative word, which helps them release their anger, but won't offend any nearby ears.
Redditor No-Citron5628 was curious to hear people's favorite alternatives to curse words, leading them to ask:
"What is your best swear word alternative?"
Intergalactic profanity!
"Oh neptune."- StrappinYoungZiltoid
The last thing you want to find in your bed!
"Crumbs."- ThatsHisEagerFace44
Instead of rude, be educational!
“'Safety Hazard!'”
"I said this instead of… other words once when I tripped and accidentally taught this to my nephew."
"Now my sister sends me videos of my nephew saying it when things don’t go his way."- YellowForest4
Think of the children!
"Not sure of an actual word, but my bf and I have been trying to limit cursing since my toddler is becoming very verbal."
"He’s resorted to making very angry yelling caveman sounds when he wants to curse someone out rather than using the actual words."- Present-Lime-1244
With gravy?
"Biscuits!"- blargney
We can always learn a thing or two from the kids...
"A child in my class tries to swear but unintentionally says foot instead of f*ck."
"It's probably my favorite alternative."
"Wow, didn't expect this to get so much attention."
"Thank you for the award! "
"For those asking, he is a very tiny child with a deep yorkshire accent who actually picked up the word from another child but hasn't noticed he doesn't have the pronunciation quite right yet."
"Context wise though he's bang on which makes it even funnier."- sophishx
Just one word won't do!
"DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU GET, LARRY?!"
"DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU FIND A STRANGER IN THE ALPS?!"- KevinBillyStinkwater
Be mindful, it could backfire
"When my son was little he started saying bastard so I kept saying custard."
"Until the day he complained that we were having bananas and bastard again."- CheeryShortarse
Mother knows best.
"My mother always said, 'Curses!'"
"We, the kids, laugh about it all the time."- tenzip10-0
If you feel like you've sufficiently got your anger or frustration out of your system, your choice of words served their purpose.
Whether or not they would have to be bleeped out on network TV.
When we think of iconic movie quotes, there are several which come instantly to mind.
"Here's looking at you, kid."
"Love is never having to say you're sorry."
"I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse."
Appropriately, the ones that might haunt us the most, are those delivered by villains, who linger in our memories not only by their creepy attire and presence but by their devious choice of words.
Frightening us long after the credits stop rolling.
Redditor N_the_character was eager to hear what the Reddit community considered the best quotes from both Hollywood's legendary villains, as well as some lesser-known antagonists from film, TV, and video games, leading them to ask:
"What's the most bada** villain quote?"
Benedict from Last Action Hero
"Benedict to youg Danny in 'Last Action Hero':"
"I should tell you that I have killed people smarter and younger than you."- S-Markt
Donquixote Doflamingo
"Pirates are evil?"
"The Marines are righteous?"
"These terms have always changed throughout the course of history!"
"Kids who have never seen peace and kids who have never seen war have different values!"
"Those who stand at the top determine what's wrong and what's right!"
"This very place is neutral ground!"
"Justice will prevail, you say?"
"But of course it will!"
"Whoever wins this war becomes justice!"- TimeisaLie
The Man with the Midas Touch...
"Goldfinger after Bond says 'Do you expect me to talk?'
"'No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die'."- Hunk_Studly
The Last Airbender's Azula
"Dai Li: 'You've beaten me at my own game'."
"Azula: 'Don't flatter yourself. You were never even a player'."- herculesmeowlligan
Inigo Montoya, watch out!
"'Good Heavens, are you still trying to win?'"
"-the six fingered man."
Video game villains shouldn't be forgotten, ask Ghaul
“'You are not brave, you’ve merely forgotten the fear of death'."
"'Allow me to reacquaint you'.”- KentuckyBourbon94
The Good, the Bad, and the one-liners
"'When you have to shoot, shoot'."
"'Don't talk'."
"Tuco, 'The Good, The Bad and The Ugly'."- jpablo680
Whiterose of Mr. Robot
“'Because Phillip, I had to ask you twice'.”- Lontano64
The final frontier indeed...
"'A true victory is to make your enemy see they were wrong to oppose you in the first place'."
"'To force them to acknowledge your greatness'."
"Gul Dukat, Deep Space Nine."- hamdingers
A true villain will have you quaking in your boots with just one look.
But it's with their words that they really get you.
And how they instantly go from being merely villains, to legends.