I really hope that educators keep journals. The stories that are woven for them on the daily about why students are tardy or why assignments are late have got to be epic. The mind is a terrible thing to waste, and what a mind some of us have when trying to cover our tracks. If only we could apply our creative know how to completing work and not avoiding it.... especially when we're younger. Teachers have got to have a "best of" compilation for student excuses.
Redditor u/imtroppocool wanted teachers to share with us some tales about when they believed students were trying to bamboozle them, when in fact bamboozling may not have been occurring, by asking.... Teachers of reddit, what was the best excuse for being late that turned out to be true?
Had a student ask to leave class once the test was finished because his lung had collapsed a couple days earlier and he was still recovering. He then pulled up his shirt to show me the valve they had inserted.
I told him he didn't have to take the test, but he had already studied for it and wanted to get it over with.
I also had a student ask to leave after the test because her husband had died the previous day and she had to make arrangements. Insisted on taking the test.
My students are hard-core.
Just This Time.
Student at Uni. Was late for an 8am because the night before I slept in the hallway of one of our class buildings doing homework... (we had sofas and desks around there so it was a nice and quiet place to study, also open 24/7).
Woke up around 8:30 and ran to my class which was one floor above the one I was.
The professor excused me and told me I could skip his class because they saw me sleeping there and said something on the lines of "at least you were doing your assignments so I'll let you go this time."
I was a teacher (college) but my students were mostly good. Oddest excuse was someone was late to lab and normally if you missed the opening slides/presentation detailing today's experiment you could not take the class that day. This was as much a safety concern as anything else. Once a student burst into the room just as I was finishing the slides so they were technically okay.
When prompted for a reason they said they had lost track of time squirrel fishing. Considering they still had the stick, string, and nuts in hand I let them go.
Squirrel fishing is common on our campus as a form of stress relief; I have done it a few times as well. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Squirrel_fishing
IKEA All the Way....
Not me but my program coordinator told the story at orientation. Girl was a really good student. Always on time, studies like crazy, good grades. Overall close to perfect student. Pass or fail exam comes and she's a no show. They call her, text her, email her.
3 hours after the exam starts she walks in with an IKEA catalogue and the name and phone number of the manager written on it. She had been stuck inside of a broken down elevator at IKEA. She had no cell service in the elevator, so she couldn't call and explain. They let her start the exam in a separate room.
I have two.
- A soldier in an online class, he apologized for being late for turning in a paper. His reason, he was in a firefight the previous night. That was excused promptly.
- A student turned in a paper that was singed around the edges. His claim was he and his girl were getting romantic, and a candle lit his drapes on fire and I guess he pretty much burned his whole side of the house down. Verified the story with news that night. SquareDetective
A Few Tales....
Two different students in the same class.
A girl who came to school at lunchtime told me that she had spent the night at her grandparents in another city, and they woke up early in the morning as the house was ablaze.
Yup, could confirm her story online.
The house wasn't too badly damaged and everyone was OK, thankfully.
A guy who the week prior blamed a dryer for his tardiness, claimed that he only had one pair of pants. When he woke up in the morning his pants was wet, and he couldn't walk around with a soggy bottom, so he threw the pants in the dryer and waltzed off to do other stuff.
An hour later he took the pants out of the dryer, only to discover that he had forgotten to turn it on, and, well, he had to spend another hour to dry the pants.
His mom told me that as he had decided to switch to a specific style he had donated almost all his clothes. He actually only had one pair of pants.
Coronation Street Delay
My dad was a teacher in a school that is also used for filming a British TV soap opera. He would regularly be told that students were late due to having to do several takes (they would just walk around in the background of scenes). A few weeks later you'd see them on the TV. Coronation Street - the School is called Weatherfield High in the show, but when dad was there it was called Hope High School in reality.
Tiniest, quietest girl in the whole school walks in late, gets harshly questioned by the teacher on what her excuse was.
"I'm sorry, I got hit by a car."
She was 5 minutes late. She then proceeded to ask for permission to go to the infirmary. Her whole left side was covered in scratches and scrapes, but the door was on the right of the teacher's desk, so it wasn't immediately apparent.
"you poor girl"
I had a teacher who made us just write in a book why we were late, so we could quietly slip in and sit down without disturbing others. I simply wrote "work". She basically cornered me after, and half jokingly half serious starting drilling asking why I was so special my bosses needed me and she needs more info and omg don't they realize education was important?
So, with my head down unable to meet her gaze, I start to explain in horse breeding when you have high end horses you can collect their semen and just ship it all over. At the time they needed an extra hand and I was the only other employee comfortable working with their stallion. I went into great detail in all that is involved in the process.
She gave me a hug, said "you poor girl" and said I'm allowed to simply write "work" from now on if it happens again. (for the record, at that time I was simply the person holding the stallions lead rope and keeping him in control, not the one doing the nitty gritty stuff.)
Through the Window....Giphy
I was already running late and was hit by a car outside my class. The professor saw it through the window. I still went to class and she was cool about it, since I was hit by a car.
I Gored Myself
This might be the opposite of the prompt but once a professor canceled class 5 minutes before it started because she "found a chicken in her yard" ...? I gave her a real rough review when the time came.
Also i once had to turn in a graphic design final project a day late because I cut off my thumb with an x-acto blade. The professor was cool with it... I sent him photo evidence. 😂
An awesome teacher of mine let me into an SAT prep class late. When I told her that my apartment was robbed she was in awe. We were new immigrants and didn't have much, no Tv, no computers, just beds and some clothing, but my alarm clock was stolen (silly really!). She brought me an alarm on Monday with some clothes too.
Just Followin' Traffic Laws
Once my friend and I were late to a 7:45 am class, so we decided to stop at the stop sign (we were walking). When we got to class and the teacher asked why we were late, we told her we had to stop at the stop sign while walking. She let it slide for comedy's sake.
Humanity Made Me Late
In high school my chemistry teacher was 20 minutes late to first period. Another science teacher was getting class started when my teacher burst through the door holding a little gift bag. He had found a baby bird on his way to the school and took the time to make it a little nest in the bag and go buy food. The rest of class was spent caring for the little guy. He was one of my favorite teachers ever.
(Once he pulled the safety shower thing to show how it works and it wouldn't turn off. He flooded the classroom below us)
During my junior year of high school I was late to my first hour because my mom, who drove me to school every morning, had to stop the car on the side of the road to watch a family of wild turkeys for over 10 minutes.
Not The Most Efficient Use Of A Helicopter
In the 90's some dude thought to pick up his buddy from the train station on his helicopter, in Braga Portugal. While lifting off he hit the power lines and the helicopter fell on the motorcycle park near the station. No one got seriously hurt except the helicopter and a few bikes. Student of mine arrived late and his excuse was that an helicopter had crashed on his motorcycle so he had to walk. Did not believe him until I saw the news that night.
A Good, Long Nap
I'm a teacher now so this kinda counts, in high school once I went in like 2 hours before school started to finish up a presentation in the library, it only took me like an hour so I decided to go rest in my car till school started, woke up halfway through third period in my car and didn't turn my work in till the next day cause I slept through class.
I'm a student, and this incident happened... I think either first or second grade, either way I was probably right.
So, every morning my dad or mom would drop me off at the bus stop, and go do their own stuff, because, y'know, the bus always came. On this particular day, me and all the other kids in our neighborhood just sorta... Stood there for a while. It's getting late, and finally the bus arrives.
We're all freaked out that the bus was late, but hey, we can still make it to school on time, right? Wrong! The bus driver had a sub that day, one who had just moved to our city, and we were like the fifth stop.
Cue a bus full of elementary school kids who have never paid attention to a stop light trying their god damn best to guide a bus driver to the other stops, all while the clock keeps ticking on.
Eventually, the sub had to call our principal or something, in order to explain how the actual f*ck this happened, and another driver picked up the rest of kids while we finally got to school.
I really should've paid more attention to street signs, clearly.
Eyerolls Ain't The Way
I once showed up 30 minutes late to a college class and the teacher just rolled her eyes at me. I looked her in the eye and said "sorry I'm late. somebody died on my train." To be clear, I said this due to the New York MTA's use of the term 'sick passenger', which generally means someone who is unresponsive or possibly dead. In hindsight, the person might not have died, but it was still something that was entirely out of my control that prevented me from being on time to class.
A Classic Excuse With A Twist
Not a teacher but i walked in with a baggy of my homework that my puppy chewed up, teacher thought i was joking when i said my dog ate my homework, jokes on her i fed it to my dog so i wouldn't have to do it.
Caffeine And We'll Call It Even
I taught a grade 12 health class. The kids were 18 and I was 23. Two students were constantly coming in late first thing in the morning. Finally one day I asked them to come to my desk for a chat. I said to the two boys you are always late for class can you please explain why. They said we get breakfast in the McDonalds drive thru. I was like how about you guys get me a coffee the odd time and I won't mark you late..🤷🏼♀️🙃
I Guess I'm Three Dogs Now?
My 3 dogs ate the book I needed for about 20 different assignments. I had to put the chewed-up remains in a bag and take it to my teacher, and they gave me an F for all the assignments because they thought I had done it myself to get out of schoolwork. Yep, this dum@ss thought I chewed up a whole 300 or 400 page book all by myself. That book was bigger than my head and it was a hardcover book, explain to me how this idiot thought I thoroughly chewed an entire book by myself in less than 12 hours (I had used the book in their class for tutoring the night before and they were my 1st class in the morning).
Slip N Slide
Not a teacher, but the student. My Spanish teacher in high school asked me why I was late. I said my bus hit my science teacher's garage. The whole class started laughing their a**es off. My teacher had to explain I was telling the truth. They were friends and he already knew. The house was at the bottom of a hill on a gravel road. The road was pure ice and the bus couldn't stop
Adding Insult To Injury
I had to tell my math teacher I was late because the history teacher from the previous class wanted to lecture me after a student kicked me in the stomach.
The Math teacher had this look on her face that clearly showed she was having a hard time making sense of what I just said. She asked me what I did.
I told her that I have up to three Elizabeth's in each of my classes (Math had two). Almost every single one wanted to be called Lizze, Or Liz, or Beth. except one, and she was in my history class. I kept calling her by one of the other nicknames by accident, when she just wanted to be called Elizabeth. Except, this was the second to last class, and I was used to using one of the other variations. I kept slipping and called her by one of the nicknames, apologizing each time, and fixing my mistake.
Apparently, she got tired of it, and kicked me.
I got a 10 minute lecture about name calling. Elizabeth was just told "you know better than to kick someone." And we were let go. And yes, the Math teacher had to check this out to make sure it was true. And yes, I had a bruise on my stomach.
When The Pickings Are Slim
I went to high school in a small rural town. The main road leading to this town is a 2 lane highway with steep hills/curves. One morning there was some construction/accident causing major traffic and a detour. When we/parents called the school to inform them they already knew. A large group of students were all late by various times and didn't need proof.
The One Thing We Hope Never To Hear
Unbelievably sad, but "my mum died last night".
All the rest of the family lived far away, so dad brought the kids to school so someone could take care of them while he was making arrangements and until the grandparents could get a flight that afternoon. Asked the boy if he wanted to go to the counsellor, but he said he'd rather be with his friends.
He (and his siblings) were understandably absent the remaining two weeks of term.
I've actually had this excuse a second time (and it was true then also), but it was from a boy who was raised by foster parents from birth.
His birth mum had overdosed the day before and they kept him home to talk about it. He didn't care (he'd seen her maybe 5 times in 12 years) and was indeed happy because it meant that his foster parents could legally adopt him as his birth mum wouldn't sign the paperwork (she didn't know/wouldn't say who his biological father was).
This Is A Mood
Not my story, but a friend's. She said she was walking to school when she was in 1st grade and stopped to pet a cat. Well, she lost track of time and ended up getting counted absent. The office called her mother to ask why she wasn't at school, and of course everyone freaked out. They found her still sitting there with the cat.
Another Reason To Stop Eating Chik-Fil-A
This was me as a student, and resulted in both being late and leaving early. I have been using Invisalign, clear plastic retainers for those who don't know. The left side of my bottom teeth weren't moving the way the Orthodontist wanted them too, so they had to schedule an appointment to add three metal brackets and a short wire on my teeth to get that part of my mouth to move. My mother then took me to get Chik-fil-A after my appointment before heading to my school. While eating nuggets, the middle bracket came loose and began spinning around on the wire and between the other two remaining brackets. I tell my mother this, and she says we'll go back after school to replace it.
Around half an hour, I am in my Spanish class when another bracket comes out. I leave to tell my mother (she worked at the school), and she decided it might be more ideal to leave after Spanish, as the wire could begin poking at my gums and that wouldn't be good.
The Whole School Was Late
A couple years back there were roadworks all along the main road of our town, because of the extreme amount of traffic at 7:00/8:00 in the morning it all went very slowly.
But because everyone was stuck in the same traffic our whole school (teachers included) would all arrive an hour late to start the day because of the holdup.
One Way To Feel Like The New Kid
My car died in the middle of the packed college parking lot on the very first morning of classes, on my very first day of college. It died right in the middle of the lane so no cars could get around me. People were honking. Cars were having to back up one at a time to get out of the lane. I was extremely shy and pretty much begged for death at that point. I had to call my dad to come help me. Despite being able to SEE my class from my stranded car, I ended up being 30 mins late because I couldn't abandon it in the middle of the road.
Lack Of Money And Convenience
Idk if this counts, but one time, in the first week of the semester, I was over thirty minutes late to a 2 hour class because I legitimately couldn't find a parking spot! Very frustrating! Finally found one all the way across campus (had to spot someone walking to their car and ask if I could follow them and take their spot). The parking cost for the semester wasn't cheap either! Ugh
Sitcom Style Physical Comedy
Not a teacher but a student in hs. I was running late for school and was wearing heels and a dress for an academic challenge meet after school. I ran outside into the wet grass and then realized I forgot something inside. After grabbing whatever I left inside I ran back down the stairs and my wet heels slipped on the stairs. I managed to fall (literally) head over heels and my heel landed in the dry wall. At the time I did the announcements at school and had a student internship first block. I messaged my teacher with a picture of my bruised eye. The excuse seemed to work pretty well.
Vista Was A Nightmare
As a teaching assistant: 1) Student was late getting their assignments in, told us they had Lupus and had been in the hospital. Story checked out. 2) Football player repeating the class came in, looked like he expected to get chewed out and did by the head teacher. His excuse? His parents had thrown it out. He brought it in a couple days later, stained by food and liquids. They apparently told him it was worthless to try since he's never amount to anything and threw out all his school papers. He was accepted to college with our lunch timing tutoring.
Personally: my midterm college paper was due that morning and, within an hour of class, discovered I could no longer log in to my laptop to print it. Turned out my Windows Vista updated the night before and locked me out. Refused to accept my password. My teacher took one look at my laptop, patted my shoulder, and told me he'd give me an extra week because he also hated Vista with a heated passion. Took my sister and I a couple days but we managed to retrieve my paper from a backup, then upgraded my laptop to Win7.
When You Have Less Faith In Colleagues Than In Students
Fixing another teacher's car. I thought he was trying to pull a fast one but he was all smeared with brake dust/grease, and once I met the teacher he helped, I realized she would be stupid enough to drive 10 minutes with the kind of car problem he said she had.
The Professors Sympathize
I was a student at the time.
At my attending school, we had "Duke Exams". This was the title for an exam from Dr. Duke, a history teacher. She gave 15 "3 words prompts" and 5 questions for every exam.
The parameters for both of these? Write everything you know/remember from class.
I stayed in a Duke Exam for five hours, once. I was excused from all of my classes for that day because I told each professor that morning I had a Duke Exam.
The Teacher Probably Knew
I was smoking in my friends car before school. I left my stuff including my weed and my school books in my car. When it was time to go to school, I went to my car and realized I locked my keys in with everything else so simply calling my parents or AAA was not an option. I go to first period high af and my teacher asks why I'm late and why I have nothing with me so I tell her I locked my keys in my car. Fast forward to lunch period and I return to the car with some of my friends to somehow get myself back... a friend ended up smashing my entire back window. I was of course late to my next class and I had to explain the whole story (minus the weed) Teacher called me a dumb@$$.
What To Do When You Simply See "Explosive Diarrhea"
I have a Tardy Documentation Ledger which students are compelled to sign in when they are late. They can write a reason if they want (they are almost always tardy unless they have a pass). Most of the excuses are simply confessions, like "Walking slowly," or "talking to friends in the hallway." Occasionally I get an excuse that is more detailed, like "Explosive diarrhea," or "I got into a car accident today and the guy was a real jerk and he called the cops and I got mad and smashed my windshield and my sister almost got into a fight with the guy and the cop wrote me the ticked and my dad was so pissed and he said it will lose my car and my phone."
They're Gonna Win!
"We had a brainwave on how to build a killer robot, and lost track of time."
I checked. Daaaang, my students have some cool hobbies!
Amateur Robot Wars
I'm not a teacher, but when I was 14 I helped my mom teach summer school for 2nd graders the whole summer. This one kid didn't come to school one day, and when they came back the next day they said "oh, I needed to take my raccoon to the vet so I could get it neutered." I thought the kid was just lying and they didn't feel like coming. The next day this kid brings in a picture of them, gleefully holding a little raccoon. I still didn't believe it until their dad came to pick them up a few days later and guess what's poking it's head out the car window? A raccoon.
We Love Random Acts Of Imperialism
I went to a public high school on the Air Force Academy base, so if you lived off base, you had to stop and show your ID at the gate. One morning my senior year, I happened to get selected for a random car search - they had me pull off to the side of the gate and stand there for about half an hour as they looked under my hood and in my trunk and everything. So when I finally get to English class, I explain to my teacher what happened.... luckily my classmates could vouch for seeing me as they drove by
Misogyny At Its Finest
Not a teacher nor the student, but my great grandmother had a good one. Her car broke down and she had to fix it. Not so strange now, but the teacher had a hard time believing a woman could fix a car! It was the 30s after all. Well she lived on a farm and they only had girls so they all had to learn to fix things, great great grandpa confirmed. (Or so I was told)
It's Gettin' Hot In Herrre
Not a teacher, but my classmate was 30 minutes late for our Croatian language class this year. When our Headroom teacher asked him why he was late he told him that his house was on fire. He started laughing. It turned out to be true. His chimney and a part of his roof indeed was on fire.
Injuries Get You Every Time
In kindergarten, I tumbled down one of those twirly slides and bruised my nose, sprained my ankle, cut my lip open, and cut open the inside of my ear. Thinking back, I must have looked so bad@ss with blood pouring out of one ear and dripping from my mouth, a bruise on my nose which was also bleeding, and with a black eye from hitting it on the slide. My friend just walked me to the bathroom where I cleaned myself up (that's what I get for having a family full of nurses) and then walked me to get an ice pack for my ankle. I just set my foot up on the table and took my quiz.
There was also a time just before quarantine when I slipped off my skateboard (I don't always get a ride to school and it's only a twenty minute walk) and a whole chunk of the skin on my knee came off as i slid across the sidewalk. I always carry a first aid kit (again-family of nurses) and just straight up used a water fountain to rinse it off and then wrapped it and carried my board the rest of the way.
No Tone For The Stone
When I was in highschool I once had a small kidney stone which caused me to miss about a week of school. On my first day back, one of my teachers asked me in a condescending tone in the middle of the class where I was that whole week, as if I had skipped school to go on a tropical vacation. I answered that I had a kidney stone and her tone instantly disappeared.
The Most Stressful Time Of Your Life
I was absolutely stressing out my senior year of college, so much so that I went to counseling at the local mental health clinic. I lived at home during college, but I was trying to conceal the fact that I was going to a mental health clinic from my parents. This was the '80's and the stigma associated with mental health issues was way worse than it is now. So one day, I was allegedly leaving home early to study before class when I was really going to counseling about a mile or two in the wrong direction. After my counseling session, I had to move pretty damn fast to get to my college campus. I got to the classroom just as the teacher was pulling the door shut, but she saw that I was running to make it, so she just smiled at me and let me in.
Am a student. Was put in ESE in 4th grade because Florida schools are terrible at handling children when their parents refuse to drug them out of their minds. Got partially out of it in middle school, but wasn't fully mainstreamed until 8th grade because the school didn't want to give up their big fat paycheck from having one more ESE kid.
There was one class in 7th grade I showed up to an hour late every day. Turns out ESE classes follow a different schedule than normal classes, so my ESE English overlapped my Mainstream Social Studies by an entire hour. It got to the point where my SS teacher would send me to the office the moment I walked into her class. I think that was what finally got me out.
(The specific brand of ESE was called "Emotionally Handicapped." Feel free to look up how horrific it is.)
The funniest - "The bathroom sink exploded on me." Found out later that day that the pipe in the student bathroom actually did burst as my student was washing his hands.
The grossest - "The Police Horse diarrhead on me" They police officer brought the horse by the high school for part of some assembly. The students had like 20 minutes to see the horse afterwards if they wanted to. The horse apparently was having a bad stomach day...
The Most Unforgettable - "I was waiting for the pregnancy test to confirm I'm pregnant" I literally stared at her open mouthed for like 10 seconds before I thought of anything to say. She was so upbeat about it as well. (This was like a few days before her graduation so I'm not actually sure what happened with it all)
A Kebabster's Note
A kid said he was eating a kebab at a store, teacher didn't believed him and he showed him a paper from the kebab man confirming what he was saying.
Lines Don't Work When It's True
Not a teacher, but a classmate with limited english was once made to write lines to the effect of "I will not lie about crosses falling from the sky to excuse my tardiness." The teacher later had to apologise to the boy when the newspapers reported that the giant cross on the town clock tower had come off due to rust the morning before.
Always remember that one.
I Forgot My Clothes
I worked in the main office at a school and had TEACHERS come in late. The usual excuses: couldn't find my keys, traffic jam, kids sick and needed to get a sitter. One teacher came in just as the bell rang but immediately got sent home. She took off her coat and only had her slip on. She apparently forgot to put on her skirt because she was rushing around so much!!! She never lived that one down.
Sounds 90s But Ok
Although I am a teacher, my favorite excuse was one I helped provide.
I went to college in the dark ages, before anyone had their own computers. My university was small & lacking in technology, but they had one computer lab where students could type & print their papers. My friend A. had just finished printing out his term paper for one of his important classes (a lot was riding on this paper), & he started walking to my apartment because he was dating my roommate.
Halfway to the apartment, where there was no shelter at all, the skies opened up in a torrential downpour. When A knocked at the apartment door, he looked like he'd jumped in a swimming pool. He'd tried shoving his freshly printed paper under his jacket, but it still got soaked. He couldn't go back to the lab because it closed minutes after he had left it.
I had heard that you could dry paper in the microwave oven, so I convinced A to let me microwave the pages, one at a time. The results were ok-ish. The sheets were warped, some had very badly smudged ink, and most of them had scorch marks—but we figured his prof would accept it (with the story), and then A could print a better copy when the computer lab reopened. (It was only open about 5 hours a night.)
His professor laughed when A turned in his scorched, smudged, and slightly rumpled paper with his explanation and his fervent promise to get a better copy to her later, but she didn't have a problem with him reprinting it & handing her a more readable copy the next day. He still got a 95% or something on it.
Not Safe To Be Alone At Night
I'm not a teacher and I wasn't late to class but I was unable to finish my assignment one night in like 7th grade because I got jumped by three random people at my local park that didn't even know me and didn't get out of the police station until late at night. The teacher believed me because it was pretty obvious I got beat up. Also all three of them were at least like 2-3 years older than me and I was alone so I didn't stand much of a chance.
Big Cats Roam
Obligatory not-a-teacher, but as a sophomore in high school I went home for lunch. Turned in the news and there was legit a bengal tiger on the loose in my neighborhood (apparently there was a wild animal sanctuary across the way and he escaped). I loved calling my physics teacher to tell him why I was going to be late to my first class after lunch!!
A Block Of Swans
I was once part of an entire university accommodation block (60 students approx ) who were late for the first lecture of the day. This was due to a pair of the university's nesting swans (there was a lake on campus) deciding to shelter from the miserable weather in the entrance doorway. As these evil tempered murder birds were notorious for taking offence at the mere existence of other forms of life, especially bipedal lifeforms, nobody was too keen in attempting to dislodge them.
One of the more foolhardy guys did try poking one of the with a broom handle but its counterattack was so intimidating we decided that discretion was the better part of valour.
The Thing To Come Back With
I was late to a class in TAFE and usually they don't let you in if you're more than 15 minutes. I had a drs note so I thought I'd try anyway coz more than one missed class and you fail.
Anyway the teacher asks why I'm so special to be allowed in when I was late, giving me real attitude, that she's not going to pander to my irresponsibility and detract from those who could be bothered to attend on time.
I was feeling kinda embarrassed and kind annoyed so I replied " sorry my daughters oncology appointment ran late but her specialist wrote me a note "
She just kinda stared at me and told me to sit down.
The Best Note Ever
I taught in a rural school with a very good shop class. I had a kid (super nice, talented kid I liked a lot) run late into choir covered head to toe with grease with a completely frantic expression on his face. He handed me an equally greasy note that said:
Please excuse _____ from class. He's helping me put together a bus we need to run in 45 minutes.
I think I kept the note but I haven't seen it in a long time.
I'm not a teacher but when I was in high school a kid in my class got bit by a rabid beaver and he missed volleyball tryouts. We had class together and the teacher was the coach. Obviously the coach didn't believe him at first but saw the massive bruise from the bite/treatment. To be fair I wouldn't have believed that excuse either had I not seen the mark.
How To Save A Life
I was the student in question. I was once late by about 20 minutes to class. My teacher thought it odd as I am never late. I said "sorry, my friend had a seizure" that friends teacher even gave me a pass. They checked with that teacher. 100% true. I helped my friend who had a seizure in class. She didn't want to go to home and I thought she knew better as it was her body and her condition. She was fine through out the day. I would later marry her friend who also has epilepsy. I am also trained to assist with 5 different types of seizures.
Ouchy Ouchy Ouchy
Student not teacher, college math class. I'd burned the heck out of my hand and was taking hydrocodone for the pain. I could take 3 and still function, but that morning in my sleep addled state I'd taken 3 as I was getting ready, forgot, and took 3 more as I was running out the door. Realized what I'd done about 10 seconds later, thought "oh no," and went to class.
I had a good relationship with the teacher and she knew about the hand already, so when I got to class I just told her what happened, and that I felt fine now, but that I didn't know what was gonna happen. She just told me "sit in the back, if the formulas I'm writing start melting off the board, just get up and go home."
I left 15 minutes later.
Forgot new school started at 7 am and showed up for an 8 am start time instead. It was November. Also it was me. The teacher. I showed up an hour late to a class of seventh graders because of a brain fart.
Oh Just A Normal Toe-Breaking
"Hey, sorry I'm late, I broke my toe on the way here! I set it, I'm good."
It happened. She set it, went through class, and went home.
Turned out she broke bones every week or so due to genetics, but boy did it scare me the first two times!
Just Can't Moooooooove
My math teacher said the best excuse he ever got for a student not getting homework finished was that there was a cow in her pool.
My understanding was that it was a family effort to get the cow out, and that the cow was in danger, and it was a lengthy process. I'm not entirely sure what went down, and I am still wondering if there was a fence around the pool...and if so what kind of Houdini bovine stuff went down.
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Being rich looks fabulous.
I know, money isn't everything.
I've seen the super rich literally throw money away, because they could.
They never see it as waste.
I want to be able to waste.
I wouldn't, but I'd like the option.
"What do insanely rich people buy that poor people have no idea about?"
I would spend on clothes. And I already have a lot. I can't help it. Gimme...
Vroomdriving fast and furious GIFGiphy
"On staff mechanics. People see the Floyd Mayweathers and Tom Cruises of the world buying tons of cars and motorcycles, but when you have a fleet like that, you basically need on staff mechanics who at the very least keep your cars clean, but also handle all maintenance."
"An acquaintance of mine is one of six pilots 'on retainer' for a wealthy family."
"I have a buddy pulling in nearly 200k as a chief pilot for a crew of 4 pilots for a billionaire family. They fly far less than your average commercial pilot and he’s in his mid 30s. We live in the south, where you can live like a king on 200k."
"Access. Need to call a governor? He's on speed dial and will phone the senators too. Need to talk to the CEO of Coca Cola... he's waiting for you and immediately assigns someone to fix your problem. Do you want to yacht around the horn of Africa? The closest naval fleet will tell you the safest route and provide 'support' so pirates don't mess with you."
"I own a company and by nature interact with a lot of billionaires and CEO's. I'm by no means rich but hang in the circle enough that I've e-mailed CEO's of fortune 500's and they've hooked me up with huge 'free' things as a small perk or thank you."
"I've been PAID to fly places just to have a 1 hour meeting and then get a free VIP week long vacation with the mayor or consulate showing me around. It's trippy and I've never really felt at home, but I've been eternally grateful for these travel opportunities."
"Support ships for your mega-yacht. The biggest yachts don't travel alone, they generally have small cargo ships that do everything from house additional staff, to transport your cars so you always have them when you make port, to holding all of your toys (helicopters, submarines, day-boats, etc.). They'll often travel a day or two ahead of the yacht to a destination so that your staff can unload your things (cars, clothing, etc.) at the next villa you're summering in."
Get back...love and hip hop goodbye GIF by VH1Giphy
"Isolation from poor people. Rich people spend a lot of money to make sure that poor people can't get anywhere near them."
Rich people are funny. And clearly a bit rude...
Doubles...Squad Reaction GIF by Rodney DangerfieldGiphy
"Cloning pets, one of our investors spent ~$100K cloning his dog."
"There are membership-based vacation clubs. Similar to high-end country clubs, but for travel. You may pay a one-time initiation fee that can be upwards of $100k - $250k to get 5-10 years of access to purchase incredibly exclusive vacation/resort/rental property experiences. I work in the travel industry and I know of multiple companies like this."
The Expensive Skies
"I work in the film industry and one time I booked a trip for someone to fly from London to California for a weekend and it cost more than my yearly salary. This was 2010, and it was $35,000 for first class airfare, private car, & hotel, because they realized Friday morning that based on his contract that he needed to be present while the film was being finished that weekend, and his contract specified he accommodations needed to be first class/5-star hotel, etc.I accidentally had an extra "0" it was $35k, which is $10k more than what the studio was paying executive assistants at the time..."
"It's called kidnap and ransom insurance. K&R and it includes training so that you know what to do in a hostage situation. It also includes a trained response team. The statistics on this stuff was/is nasty. Your chance of survival with insurance is about 60%. Without it you're closer to 0%."
And popcorn?Movie Theater Reaction GIF by CBSGiphy
"There is a streaming service that's pretty much Netflix for rich people, allowing you to stream current cinematic movies for about 3,000 bucks a pop."
Oh to be rich and fabulous. Gimme the coins.
Don't you hate it when you get deceived by something pretty?
Like... "fooled you."
Those are the thoughts you get when you grab a rose and a bee jumps out and stings you.
Every group or community has its bees.
Or the more you learn about said groups you realize it's one big beehive.
Nothing is ever really the same from the outside in.
"What community seems really nice from the outside, but is actually really toxic?"
Every group has soulless people among them. It's all in the numbers.
Not so ChillScared Spider Web GIF by XboxGiphy
"Minecraft community, especially twitter. Minecraft is like the chillest game ever but the people who are into Minecraft youtube stuff are a whole new level of deranged."
"Crunchy mums/hippie mums/gentle parenting groups. They seem lovely, but it typically winds up being a judgemental pissing contest over who is the best parent in the world."
"As a gentle parenting and somewhat crunchy mom I can't fit into these groups either. Inevitably there's a crunchy mom who believes sunshine and vitamin c cure covid, or a hippy mom who wants to organize a protest at chic-fi-la, but most of them just talk trash about everybody that's different from them."
"ALL Christians are bad (I'm an atheist and I know plenty of lovely Christians). I don't get why people have to be so black and white like that. I will say that I can't deal with moms being sh*tty to their kids by either yelling or being manipulative assholes so I will leave a group if that behavior is being condoned. Guess that's where my judgment comes in... verbal, mental or physical abuse are not my things."
"Cosplay and it's not even close!"
I love making cosplays and wearing them, but last time I went to a convention, I realized I'd just become too old for the 'cosplay scene.'"
"I literally don't care that X broke up with Y so Z and W got into a fight because they sided with different people but Z and W had a matching cosplay planned and now V has taken W's place in making the cosplay and X made a group chat to mock V's cosplays and... like Jesus, it never stops. I just want to dress up as Jinx and take pictures. Leave me out of your teenage drama."
"Body positive community has some surprisingly negative people. My friend who at some point lost a lot of weight and got into exercising realized she was no longer welcome there. Not because she tried to tell other people to lose weight or started sharing dieting tips, but because her experience with obesity and her body did not match the preferred narrative."
Yeah RightIncredulous Yeah Right GIF by Nick CannonGiphy
"Any workplace that describes itself as 'like a family.'"
"What they really mean is the Manson family."
That workplace one is a golden rule of life.
"Chemistry enthusiasts. It's all reaction videos involving highly toxic substances."
"It boils down to being a pretty caustic community. Not sure if there is a solution before it implodes."
"The yoga/wellness scene. the pandemic was actually kinda handy at showing you which yoga teachers to stay the hell away from. The big things are of course, the anti-scientific views on medicine, but it’s also a breeding ground for cult leaders and grifters."
"I agree! It’s so unfortunate because I love yoga, but so many instructors (in the western world I suppose) are awful. My least favorite is when I feel like I’m being given a stern lecture on vulnerability lmao."
"If the community stayed true to their original purpose, to quit porn, it wouldn't be toxic at all. But I'd say there are a lot of extremist people there, like people who say masturbation is evil and you must be fully abstinent unless you get a one night stand with a 10/10 because you did X number of days, or just plain conspiracies about the whole world view. The problem is this kind of posts never get removed."
"The Kpop community? They be like heeeyyyy come enjoy this and the next minute tear you apart because you didn’t pick their favorite member."
"Yess! especially the whole locals things. when people that aren't into Kpop find a song that they like, people will tear them apart for listening to Kpop, telling them to name all the members of a group (obvi not talking about those weird thirst traps made by TikTokers)."
IntenseSuper Mario Mate GIFGiphy
"For whatever God forsaken reason, Paper Mario. I have gotten more death threats from Paper Mario fans than any other Fandom. I posted about it maybe three times, max. About how I liked the games, specifically."
"Mario fandom is freaking intense. Critikal made a video about huge fight in YouTube comments that started with which Mario song is better."
Not everybody is a good person, even when it looks like they are.
Have you ever wished you could pee a different liquid?
Well, just give it some thought.
What if you could urinate something which could actually help others, or something which could ease your financial burdens, akin to the goose who laid the golden eggs?
Then too, what if you could change things up, and pee something a bit more interesting than the customary pale yellow urine we currently produce?
Redditor aggles_N533PA encouraged the Reddit community to allow their imaginations to go wild, when they took to Reddit to ask:
"If you have the ability pee whatever liquid you want, what would you like to pee?"
"Horseshoe crab blood."- Outnabout3535325
Just the simple stuff
Saves money, and could put an end to drilling!
"If it did not hurt, I would be peeing pure gasoline."- Tink2013
"Ethanol so I could piss in my pants and it would go dry again after like a minute."- xaomawgas gasoline GIFGiphy
Two birds, one stone!
"Toilet cleaner."- Loriol_13
"Not literally liquid gold, but the wood cleaning spray."- PoopMuffin5
To quench one's thirst
"Baja Blast Mountain Dew."- weavejer261·do the dew GIFGiphy
"A million more wishes."- johntwoods
Saves a trip to Staples!
"Undie dribbles could be a problem though."- MadMikey6
"One of the most expensive things in the planet."
"If not having to be real, then fountain of youth water so I could be young forever."- Catshannonrainbow hp GIF by Anthony AntonellisGiphy
It's a very interesting idea, that urinating could actually accomplish more than relieving oneself.
Even if this might also require some alternatives to conventional toilets...
There's little more restorative than going on a hike.
Escaping from the hustle and flow, and enjoying the peaceful serenity of nature, and taking in all the beauty around you.
But every now and then, hikers may stumble across something a bit unsettling, even scary.
Making them want to return to civilization all the sooner.
Redditor purple_loves_bread was eager to hear about the creepiest discoveries made by experienced hikers while on the trail, leading them to ask:
"Hikers of Reddit, what's the weirdest/scariest thing you've found/seen during a hike?"
How did it even get there?
"A dolphin skeleton 50 meters from the water on a trail in Costa Rica."- argenntinosaurus
An unwanted visitor
"On a backpacking trip in the Sierra Mountains in California, my buddy forgot to put his toothpaste in the bear bag, which is a bag you put all food and aromatic items in to hang from a tree branch at night so the bears won't eat it."
"At about 2 a.m., we hear him yelling and get up to find a huge black bear on top of him in his tent trying to get at the toothpaste."
"The rest of us had to bang pans and throw rocks to get the bear to leave him alone."- The_Spyrebbc one bear GIF by BBCGiphy
Literal grave robbers
"Hiking in Vermont."
"Saw a bright red shirt hanging in a tree off the trail, so I went to check it out."
"Saw a couple of freshly dug graves and a few really old headstones."
"Reported it - turns out it was someone stealing headstones from a local graveyard and relocating them."
"Don't know if they were stealing the bodies, too."- GravityoftheMoon
Improper hiking attire
"Me, my old roommate and a friend went hiking into the woods in Tennessee."
'We were going along minding our own business, then we came up on a stream."
"On the other side of the stream, getting ready to cross, was a group of about 5 or 6 dudes only wearing socks and shoes."
"Naked bros hiking in the woods."
"I'm all about being in your birthday suit or whatever, but it was weird seeing it for the first time and apparently its a thing."- BungJovi
Witness to a massacre
"I stumbled on a poaching dump when I was 14."
"I used to hike trails near our home, way out in the woods."
"I'd explore, and then have to find my way back without a compass."
"I went really far one day, probably 2-3 miles through these old logging trails."
"I started smelling something terrible."
"There was a rocky outcrop right before a steep cliff."
"At the bottom of the cliff, there was a massive pile of dead deer, most were decapitated."
"Some were fawns."
"Had to have been 20-30 of them at varying states of decay."
"The stench was mind-alteringly bad."
"When I thought I had seen enough, I heard 4-wheelers and decided to hide."
"Two poachers in camo rolled up and tossed two more deer carcasses on the pile."
"They smoked, talked, and then left after about 10 minutes."
"I was probably 15 feet from them the entire time, hiding under a hemlock tree."
"I did not recognize either of them, and I knew absolutely everyone on that entire side of town, it was only 15-20 houses in a 5 mile stretch."
"I ran home and told my parents."
"They didn't believe me."
"Plus, they didn't know I was running off to those trails, so I got in huge trouble for that."
"I mentioned it to our neighbor who was big into hunting, he seemed very concerned and brought it up to the game warden."
"They investigated it, found the dump site, but never caught anybody."
"I am 100% certain it was not my neighbor." - User Deleted
Up close and personal with nature's beasts
"Mountain lion came very close to me."
"It didn't seem aggressive but it was curious."
"After a few minutes of us staring at each other and me pissing my pants he finally lost interest and disappeared into the forest while I got the f*ck out of there."- -MultiF0rmsMOUNTAIN LION cougar GIFGiphy
An underground operation
"I've seen mountain lions, I've seen bears."
"The scariest thing I've seen was an elaborate grow operation in Northern CA."
"I crested a hill and walked 20 yards into this valley when I realized there were irrigated pot plants for as far as the eye could see."
"Reservoirs, hoses, camouflaged netting."
"My friend and I noped out of there as fast we could, both expecting to be shot on our way back to our car."- Zmirzlina
Not so itsy-bitsy...
"Hiking early morning in Hawaii and my stomach notifies me that it’s time to go #2 ."
"I find a porta potty near the trailhead and jump in to do my business."
"Once complete, I flipped my headlamp on to find the toilet paper, but instead find a huge, 5” in diameter, banana spider hanging out in the corner of the porta potty."
'Trying not to spook it I slowly reached for the 1-ply."
"As I do, my headlamp shines on this monster and it proceeds to FREAK TF OUT!!! "
"It runs in circles for a bit, both of us losing our minds at this point, and ends up between my legs inside of my underwear!!!"
"I’m at a complete loss for what to do, but eventually begin wiggling back and forth in an attempt to get this spider to remove itself."
"That didn’t work at all! Instead of exiting the premises, this MFer runs up my leg."
"This is the point where I give up and storm out of the porta potty yelling and screaming, pants around my ankles."
"No clue what happened to that spider, but it disappeared in a flash…just like my dignity."- Kamala__2024Spider Web Halloween GIFGiphy
Everyone needs an escape to the great outdoors every now and again.
Even though one never knows what lies in store, or what they may find.
Making the feeling of coming home all the more comforting.