Redditor Buckwild_17 couldn't help but wonder about bad behavior during a love celebration so they asked:
"What’s the fastest way to ruin a wedding?"
I once heard a drunk uncle toast the bride and groom with... "Ah, I give it six months. Cheers."
Stolen
Giphy"Propose. If someone gets engaged at my wedding, imma die at their funeral that's a promise."
"Ultimate thunder steal."
xDuke46
See Ya at the Next One...
"My youngest brother made the following toast at the middle brother's wedding: 'This will be a great first marriage for the both of you.' I thought my mother would kill him."
honest_true_man
"There was a Married with children episode where Kelly went to a bar with a group of friends. When she sees a hot rich guy she says something like 'Oh my God look at him, he's the ex-husband of my dreams.' Find it funny to this day."
groundbeef_smoothie
Be Quiet!
"Literally anything that steals the thunder of the bride. Like announcing someone's pregnancy, proposing to your partner, or even wearing something more elegant than the bride's gown."
Natural-Resort
"Bringing your baby that was only a few days old, who no one had met yet, and standing in the doorway so all the guests can flock around you."
Its_Mrs_Nesbitt
"And the baby will eventually cry out loud during the ceremony."
Natural-Resort
Scandal
"Announce out loud that you slept with the bride or groom (preferably whichever is the same sex as you)."
Plastic_Dependent_95
"I'll do you one better. Announce you slept with *both* of them."
DoctorWatchamacallit
Just Kidding
How I Met Your Mother Reaction GIF by LaffGiphy"Say 'I don’t' at the moment the bride says 'I do.'"
MyDearDoughnut
"Or respond to 'I do' with 'Why? You can do so much better than me.' Then shout to the best man, 'You're single, right? Get up here.'"
Duane_S_Hall
This isn't comedy hour people. Try your material somewhere else.
Excuse Me?
Sad Flowers GIF by VPROGiphy"Show up in a wedding dress with your BF and ask the couple if they mind if you tag along since everything is already set up and paid for."
JanuarySoCold
Behave
"Bringing your poorly disciplined rambunctious young children."
WackyTabbacy42069
"Poorly disciplined is definitely key here. My kid was included on the invite and was rambunctious right before everything started, so I hauled his little butt out so his two year old lunacy wouldn't ruin the event."
"He calmed down and is in the pictures looking angelic, danced a ton at the reception, and loved being a part of the toast with his sparkling apple 'champagne.' Don't bring your kid and ignore them when they're being a**holes."
HulloMrsCumberdale
"this way"
"In most places a marriage certificate needs a witness or two to be valid so what you need to do immediately before people start filing in, turn all of the chairs to be facing the back - as people are still filing in, pull fuses from the switchboard, plunging the venue into darkness."
"Lock all but one of the doors, have an accomplice in a high vis vest shout, 'this way' but where he leads them is into the back of a truck that immediately starts heading for an international border. Pay the driver well enough for him to never contact you again. If any nameplates were put out of the reception tables then shred them. No witnesses, no wedding. Shoot your accomplice."
totodododo
Shake it Off
"Start dry humping the bride's leg like a dog on the dancefloor as a joke like my cousin did and get way too into it and not let her go even when she's clearly trying to shake you off and crying. Good Lord some people should just not drink."
Flaky-Fellatio
"And this is one of the many reasons there will be no alcohol at my wedding."
MiaLedger
Oh My...
Bake Off Shock GIF by The Great British Bake OffGiphy"'It's nice to see them together! The bride's legs, that is.'"
SheepSurfz
"'I promise you, her family will leave the restaurant.'"
dfBishop
How are all of these ideas not just a "don't do" given?
Be mindful of others people.
Weddings are a unique experience. And it should be a dream. Not a nightmare.
Ummm....
stripper GIFGiphy"The bride and her sisters did a strip tease/lap dance on the groom immediately following dinner. In front of his grandmother."
JohnaldL
tailgate...
"At a park. Pick up trucks with igloo coolers opened on the tailgate were the bar. Everything was served in red solo cups BEFORE the wedding. Everyone got drunk. The bride walked down the aisle drinking from a red solo cup instead of holding a bouquet. It was essentially a tailgate party with a preacher invited."
Butterbean-queen
"I Studied The Blade"
"Really old friend of my wife's. She hadn't seen her in years but was invited to her wedding. The guy this chick was marrying was absolute 'I Studied The Blade' levels of cringe. He was shirtless, wore black jeans and his arms were covered in barbwire tattoos and quotes that you'd find on those idiotic 'bada**' skeleton memes where they point guns at you and claim they'll 'f**k you up if you hurt anyone I care about' kind of crap."
"It was quickly apparent my wife and I were the only ones in attendance that practiced normal human hygiene. They were roasting what I thought was a suckling pig on a spit, but as it cooked, I noticed shit bubbling out of its a** and its stomach was swelling."
"I asked his best man if this was a properly slaughtered pig, and the best man proceeds to regale me with the tale of how he and the groom got s**t faced the night before, climbed into a nearby farm, and stole this pig. They shot it in the head and impaled it with a long piece of rebar, which upon closer inspection was what it was turning on."
"Just so happens while we were discussing the groom's recent crime, the pig's stomach exploded. Blood, crap and guts poured out in enough quantities to put out the fire. Wife and I had already given each other the 'yeah, time for us to GTFO of dodge' look before this, but yeah, needless to say we beelined for the car and left."
"We later found out the cops showed up and arrested the groom and his best man once the farmer they stole from realized one of his prized pigs was missing. The groom tried to fight the cops and got tased. He made it easy for them by already being shirtless. Mmyep."
Shadow_Researcher
dad's second...
"Probably my dad's 2nd marriage. Along the banks of a river with trailer homes in the background. He's wearing a tuxedo T-shirt and rainbow mirror sunglasses. The ceremony took place at noon: he'd been drinking since 5AM. I had to walk one of the bridesmaids down a flight of steps as she was legally blind, and someone asked me if I was going to bang her. sighs."
shibbster
Oh Girl...
patrick swayze film GIF by Lionsgate Home EntertainmentGiphy"Surely that video of the bride walking down the backyard aisle while dirty dancing to her own crappy recorded cover of crazy has got to be up around here somewhere,"
Crash4654
Maybe wedding planners really are worth the money?
The DJ Saved my Life...
Dj GIF by Beastie BoysGiphy"I was actually the bartender but it was a hoot. 1st, wedding was outside and it stormed violently. Groom was hammered pre wedding."
"Hit on all the bartenders. Then the DJ got hammered, made lewd comments to women in the microphone. Then basically everyone was hammered, knocked over the wedding cake which also happened to be a table with many candles, so the place caught on fire. Good times. Often wonder how that marriage worked out."
SnooHobbies7109
In Mississippi
"My own. In a Mississippi judge's office with a bag of Cheetos on her desk. She wiped her hands on a napkin, grabbed a Bible, and did her thing with orange crumbs on her lips. Her work heels were not on because she was in her office. It was extremely rushed. I understand that she was on her break but we didn't mind waiting. Idk why they rushed us through."
Zezima-RS
Hooters
"A wedding on the beach behind Hooters. The officiant stood next to a trash bin. As if it was planned, the trash collector pulled up during the vows. Did he wait to change the bag? Absolutely not. Children at the wedding swarmed the couple like the flies around the trash can just after the kiss, stepping all over her dress."
"She bent over to adjust her sandal and a pack of Marlboro reds fell out of the bust along with her right breast. It felt like we were rubber necking instead witnessing a marriage. I’d ask how y’all knew this was the panhandle of Florida, (Pensacola) but when I read this post to my fiancé, he added, 'Hummingbird, you forgot to add the background of boats sporting Trump flags and rental jet skis.'" 🤣
Svetlana_of_Athens
CAMO...
"Camo print wedding dress that was borderline see-through. Walked down the aisle to the Scooby Doo theme. No, nobody knows why they chose that song, including the couple themselves. They divorced a few months later after they both stopped cleaning the house in an act of defiance against one another."
Much_Difference
"What? No!"
What Is It Reaction GIF by Nebraska Humane SocietyGiphy"My friends told me my dog could be my +1 at their wedding. At first I said, 'What? No!' but they insisted because Buddy is a great dog and I am a sad single person. So I put a tie on the dog and we went to a wedding."
EstroJen
The Dance
"I don’t even know where to begin... ceremony was comprised of immediate family then followed by a reception with all guests in a relatively nice hotel banquet hall. An hour in at 7pm the open bar was completely closed down because MULTIPLE guests were throwing up in the bathroom sinks causing flooding, the groom was so wasted even before the ceremony but was blackout by the time of reception."
"During the first dance he kept his hands in his cargo pant khakis the entire time and ate dinner sitting on the floor in a corner of the hall while the bride sat at the head table alone. About two hours in, the groom randomly left and slept at their house while the bride stayed in the newlywed suite by herself... they are now separated as you may have assumed by this point."
Rdab3
At a bogan wedding...
"Waitress at a bogan wedding. The night ended with the chef and I rounding up the kids and barricading us all in the kitchen and locking the doors to prevent the melee of fighting adults outside from A) accessing MORE weapons (Some of them BYO’d knives) and B) hurting the kids."
"They ranged in age from toddlers to preteens. It was just the chef and I, 2 women and a whole bunch of screaming and frightened kids until the police came and carted everyone off to jail. Wedding photographer showed up the next morning for the scheduled photoshoot. I had to tell him he could find the wedding party at the local jail. The chef and I are still friends, but we both quit that place shortly after that epic wedding."
a_nonny_mooze
The MOB
"The bride made a speech thanking her in laws for financial assistance for the event. Her mother was not thanked and she was furious. There was a long head table for bridal party and parents. It was made out of small tables pushed together covered by one long tablecloth. The mother pulled a small table out of the arrangement, catching the table cloth, and nearly destroying the head table set up."
"Now the bride got angry and there was much back and forth with various family members attempting to make peace. The mother refused to push back her table and began to invite others to sit with her, all people who were not meant to be seated at the front. Mother of bride continued to sit there and talk crap about her daughter, the bride, to anyone who would listen."
lilyspads
Conjuring the Storm
Animated GIFGiphy"I once worked a wedding where come time for the first dance no one could find the groom. Turns out, he went to the resort’s shooting barn to shoot clay pigeons. Upon learning this news, the bride reacted by cursing up a storm on the dance floor."
Catsandsnacks22
31 Years In
"Probably mine. My wife and I married after only knowing each other for 3 months. We were married in front of a judge on a Saturday morning. We're standing up there and they bring in all the guys that got arrested from the night before... mostly for drunk and disorderly or whatever. And I thought 'oh no... we have to get married in front of these guys?'"
"But the judge was pretty cool and he took us back this his chambers and married us there. When we were walking out of his chambers, all the guys they had brought in were smiling at us. It was really weird. But hey, we've been married now for 31 years. So I guess we can't complain too much."
goofball_jones
Things to Say at a Wedding...
"Wedding was in a suburban driveway. The maid of honor stole the bouquet from someone’s garden and the best man proudly announced he had shoplifted the rings. The groom wore a button-down shirt that said ‘f**k off’ in fancy lettering. The bride stopped in the middle of the vows to tell her mother to ‘get that f**king kid out of here.’ It was her second kid by the previous bloke. When it was over, we apologized to the celebrant. He said he’d seen worse."
HopelessEmu
Like none...
"There were no tables and chairs. Like none. They had an open bar but no freaking chairs. Everyone had to put their drink on the ground and hold their plate to eat. It was freaking crazy. Everyone just assumed that some sort of terrible thing happened where the tables and chair people didn't bring them but afterwards I asked her (the bride) what happened and she just said 'Oh we would have had to pay extra for that.'"
PM_MEE_P**SY_PICS
“make it work”
"This one’s a twofer! The bride’s best friend (and MOH) uses the wedding to announce that she’s pregnant, with the groom’s child. Cut to: divorce after 2.5 years of trying to 'make it work' and now groom is marrying the previous MOH, his baby mama, when the now ex-wife and (for some unknown reason the MOH) announces that she’s also pregnant with, you guessed it, the groom’s child! Both weddings had great food and an open bar so I can’t complain; plus I got a great story out of it."
tankgirl619
When in Buffalo
"I had one of my friends from high school get married in a trashy way. His fiancé at the time invited him to lunch at Buffalo wild wings and she had also invited the whole family (they where in on it) and once my friend showed up he found out it was a surprises wedding (just like you would do a surprise birthday party)."
"The even trashier part is they didn't like reserve the restaurant or anything so in his wedding photos (standing in front of the bathrooms by the way) you can see complete strangers coming out of the bathrooms."
TaintedTruth222
Like I said earlier... "ALWAYS HAVE AN OPEN BAR!!" It's just the way to go!
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40 years later...
"When my parents got married, my dad's whole family loudly stormed out at that point as my mum was originally a Protestant. He has 10 siblings so I imagine it was pretty awful and long winded. They've been married 40 years though and we don't speak to that side of the family, no great loss." ~ mooncat333
I've never heard an objection, but I have been witness to some uncomfortable toasts. If you have nothing nice to say, be quiet and come tell me.
Move On
"I was recently married. I asked this of my officiant. They never dealt with it, but they've seen it. Protocol for them (state laws, religious views, and other factors can effect how it is played) is to pause. Take person who raises concern, and bride/groom to private chambers for chat."
"Most of the time it's nothing, and they move on. Occasionally a party is legally below marriage age, or already married, in which case things are called off." ~ tour79
Oh Sister
"During one of my sister's weddings my sister in law leaned over and right when they said their vows whispered to me "I give it 6 months." Damn you could've set a clock by it, dead on. I have another sister who has also been married 3 times. And that sister in law? No longer my sister in law… I on the other hand learn from the mistakes of others, happily married 21 years." ~ dewayneestes
Ahem....
Sick Friends Tv GIFGiphy"Always cough, scrape a chair on the floor and look around. It adds to the experience!" ~ Cmdr_Monzo
Dear Brother...
No Way Smh GIFGiphy"At his own wedding my brother responded with "don't worry, she isn't here". Very funny, but he got a ticking off from the registrar." ~ PullUpAPew
People really are shameless. That has to be better moments to speak up, or better ways to be less dramatic about it all.
"Okay you can go on."
Happy Four Weddings GIF by TLCGiphy"A cute one I saw:"
"Pastor: Speak now, or forever hold your peace!"
"Little kid, maybe 6 years old. "Stop!" He then ran up to the groom handed him a small jewelry box, and said, "You forgot the ring." The kid wasn't loud, but you could hear a pin drop in the church. He ran back to his seat, and at his mother's prompting, he said, "Okay you can go on."
"Everyone just lost it laughing, and it was a couple of minutes before the pastor could continue." ~ Smokey_Katt
"I object!"
"Went to a wedding for some friends of mine. The beautiful bride and awesome groom were saying the vows. Unbeknownst to the family, the bride's ex-boyfriend snuck into the church all dressed up as a guest and blended in. Priest says his line, and the ex-boyfriend stands up and says "I object!" Some of the male family members escorted the guy out of the church by his feet and his back and head dragging on the ground. Was pretty epic." ~ mrsheikh
People Share Their Unexpected Happiest Moments | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
While many of life's big events like weddings and births bring us joy, even the smallest of gestures or gifts can leave a lasting impression. Especially if y...dead silent...
"I was singing at a wedding once (hired in, did not know the couple at all) and when we got to this bit of the service, a dude said "yes, I have something to say." The minister called him up to the front, and the couple, guy who spoke up, minister and best man went into the vestry."
"Everyone in the congregation was just dead silent. After about 5 mins, the best man came out, and said "Sorry everyone, it's off. Please feel free to go to the reception if you like, it's all paid for, but no wedding today." Obviously the congregation, who knew and presumably loved the couple, were really upset."
"If those are your pals, that's an awful thing, and you'd be worried about them. In the choir, however, we were LOVING the drama. We got paid, so we weren't too fussed about going home early! Still have no idea what the complainer said sadly, but we had fun speculating on the way home!" ~ Caro_Da_Boss
Yuck
"Not exactly at that part. However while saying the vows. My family is sitting on those wooden bench chairs. So certain sounds echo. My uncle farted so hard I felt the rumble on the other side of the bench. The bride was visibly ultra freaking pissed. The rest of the ceremony and all of us were trying hard not to laugh. Good times." ~ vcrbetamax
Cut to the wedding...
"My father has done many weddings and he says usually he'll ask the couple if they want it reworded so nobody says anything but he said one time the couple said it was fine and nobody was gonna say anything. Cut to the wedding, my father asks the question and one of the groomsmen steps forward (I think it was the groom's cousin) and goes into a big long speech about how they shouldn't get married without really explaining why he thought so other then don't get married."
"He finally finished and my father said the groom looked like he was gonna murder the man and the bride just looked shocked. My father ended up asking them if they wanted to continue and they both agreed so they finished the ceremony. My father said the last time he saw the couple they signed the marriage certificate and neither seemed mad at each other and he still has no clue why the guy objected other than he objected." ~ Mangobunny98
"I was there first!"
"I was three years old, it was my mum's cousin's wedding. I was arguing with my older brother (would have been about seven) after he took my seat during the service and I was very determined to get it back. During the silence as the vicar asks if anyone has any objections, a cry was heard from me, "I was there first!" so perfect timing on my part. I have no memory of it but family still likes to tell the story." ~ sadielilia
Good Cops
"Only vaguely related but, at my cousins wedding they had to have the groomsmen basically as security, with us bridesmaids as a greeting crew. We were told to watch out for cousin's crazy ex who had been threatening to ruin the wedding."
"He apparently did show up for the reception, and was quietly escorted away. Well, maybe not so quiet but I'm fairly sure only the 2 groomsmen, myself, and one guest who were out smoking knew he'd showed up until much later. But the cops were very kind!" ~ nangatan
Not Cute
spank dragons' den GIF by CBCGiphy"Did it as a joke when I was like 11. My mum yanked me down so hard I've been humble ever since." ~ creepygyal69
"Oh crap! Right!"
"I once went to a wedding where the bride had planned for a bunch of the grooms closest friends to all stand up and object at the same time as a joke. It was obvious it was a joke cause we all heard the first one say "Oh crap! Right!" Before he stood up, either as part of the script or cause he'd actually forgotten. It was a pretty funny and sweet performance." ~ Arcinbiblo12
SHE WAS MY COUSIN!!
"I was five, and at the time, I thought it was the flower girl getting married (she was five too). So I run down the aisle saying "don't get married I love you" (just like I'd seen in the movies). Everyone was dying laughing. What I didn't know at the time was that SHE WAS MY COUSIN." ~ jdsayshello
I've fainted!
"At my wedding I did not allow my grandmother to attend the ceremony. Everyone was like oh she's 80 she's blind, she's got Parkinson's, what could she do? Object, faint, yell, idk but that lady is mean. She "fainted" at my high school graduation WHEN they called my name."
"So I wouldn't put it past her, my biggest fear was she would stand up an object for no reason. I only let her attend at all for my mother's sake. She was sat in the reception hall in front of the bathrooms. So many people were so confused as to who the old lady was, she would whisper to anyone who dared to go to the restrooms so maaaany stories."
"I'm the grandmother and I object becuase of X" "I'm the grandmother and I just love my grandson" (note I'm the bride). It made the evening entertaining as it made for innocent gossip. We just told everyone she had dementia (she didn't at the time just wanted the spotlight), and no one took her seriously." ~ Nancy2421
Me Next!
Angry Run The Jewels GIF by DJ ShadowGiphy"When I was a kid I remember my cousin doing it, he didn't actually object, he just always wanted to do it since he was a kid." ~ Boudac123
My Buddy!
"I was the best man for my buddy, and I loved to stick it to him. So while he and his new wife were getting their pictures taken between the ceremony and dinner, I handed out a bunch of keys and cheap rings I'd collected and gave everyone at least one saying "I'm going to ask for this back later, please give it to me then."
"Then during my speech I said, "Now that (my friend) is married, anyone who had keys to his apartment, please give them back, and if he ever proposed to you, it's time to return your ring to him." He ended up with a pile of about 300 keys and rings." ~ ravageritual
BANG!
Wild West Dance GIF by ADWEEKGiphy"Saw a video of a couple who was having a wild west themed wedding."
"When the minister asked the question a guy stood up and objected. The bride grabbed the groom's revolver, shot a blank at him and asked if anyone else had something to say before the now dead objector was hauled out. It was a joke and everybody was in on it so it actually was kind of funny."
~ rhett342
A wild west wedding? Really? Ok, to each their own.
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