You'll learn a lot about the person you're committed to until death do you part.

While the best pieces of advice can feel the most cliché or obvious, it's still comforting to hear them from people much farther along than you. Take married couples, for example. If a couple has been together for 10, 20, 30+ years, then there must be something they're doing right.

If the advice sounds to simple, it might be because it is. Doesn't mean it doesn't work.


Reddit user, frosted04, wanted to know what missteps to cross over when they asked:

"Married redditors, what usual mistakes do you see younger couples making?"

Let's start with the base level lessons, the ones everyone should know from Day 1 of their newfound union.

Be Up Front And Honest

"Don't hint. Not worth it. "Wow, those flowers are beautiful" is not a call to action. "I'd really love it if sometimes you picked me up flowers for no reason. It makes me feel super loved." Is so much better and clearer."

paintwhore

"Yes, this. My husband bought me flowers when we first got together and then randomly stopped for years. I'd hint when I saw some in the store how pretty there were and it did nothing."

"One day we were watching a show and a lady got flowers and I was just like, "Man, I haven't gotten flowers from you in a long time. I miss that. It was nice" and he was confused because he thought I hated getting flowers, so there was a major miscommunication there somehow. But anyways, now he buys me flowers randomly. It's been nice."

Minimalgoth

​We're All Different People, When You Think About It

"Assuming the person you’re with at 25 will be the same person at 45. You gotta be able to roll with the changes."

bellavita65

"My husband and I have been married for 16 years. We met when I was 30 and he was 34. We both joked that if we met when I was 16 and he was 20, we would have hated each other, but it's probably a true statement! People absolutely change over time!"

SuchLovelyLilacs

Don't Keep Everything Close To The Chest

"Different things work for different couples, but I think one of the biggest mistakes younger couples make is not communicating effectively. They might avoid discussing difficult topics or they might not be willing to compromise. Effective communication is key to a successful relationship!"

Edge_Margins

"It's almost a cliche at this point to say communication, but it is true. Everything else is secondary."

"You need to be able to communicate your needs, wants, desires and feelings in a mature way. You don't have to agree on everything, but you have to truly respect the other person's opinion and feelings."

demonicfeces

Secrets are the worst thing you can have in a relationship.

Don't have them.

Be Up Front With Money

"Not knowing how to responsibly handle money is the first thing that comes to mind"

alicialimonado

"Also hiding spending habits from your partner, including debts you run up."

"So many problems and arguments within relationships arise from money and spending, and it can be a very emotive issue, particularly when things are tight."

"There has to be negotiation and transparency when it comes to financial matters. When people are overspending and hiding things, all this does is sow the seeds of mistrust and it can eventually destroy relationships."

Scallywagstv2

Wedding Is One Day. Marriage Is Forever.

"Confusing a wedding with a marriage. You don't get a better marriage with a bigger wedding, so don't focus so much on what's the perfect song to play before the bride and groom are introduced at the reception. Concentrate on whether you both share the same goals and values."

"Thinking the other person is going to "change" for the better once they get married is the biggest mistake. It's like thinking the chicken salad that smells funny when you take it out of the refrigerator is going to taste better after you've eaten the sandwich."

galarconv

"Trying to change the other person is the number one mistake I see."

"I can understand though. It's hard to see potential go to waste, but ultimately, the odds are against anyone changing in the way you'd want them to."

opieosanta

"I work in childcare and I see this all the time with Moms."

"They’re surprised when their husband doesn’t help with the baby, or laundry, or late night feedings and diaper changes. And then they tell me their husband never did laundry, or cooked, or cleaned up before they had the child."

"What did you think was going to happen?!!"

"The guy who doesn’t know to do laundry will suddenly start changing all the diapers?"

"Now obviously this goes both way but it’s an example I see a lot in childcare."

maid-for-hire

You entered into a partnership, hoping to grow and become better people.

That can't happen if you're holding onto grudges and petty arguments for years on end.

Life Is Too Short To Hold Onto Any Grudge

"Being right is less important than the fact that you love each other."
"Someday, one of us is going to have to say goodbye to the other. When that happens, every single moment I wasted being angry about minor things will be a huge regret."
"This is the sort of thing that doesn't really occur to you when you're young and indestructible."

vilnyi_vid_liudei

Be Responsible For Yourself

"Don't expect your partner to be everything you need in life. You each need your own friends, goals, and experiences... and don't give those up for your partner. Resentment grows strong over time."

GenXChefVeg

"When I was going to Pre-Marital counseling the pastor told us, It's not the other person's job to make you happy, that's your job."

I, (name), take you (name), to be my lawfully wedded (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.

"No where in there does it say 'To make me happy and do things for me'."

"'For better or for worse' means there is going to be better, and there is going to be worse, and sometimes your both in the worst and sometimes only one of you is. Your partner is there for you, but they can't have the weight of your happiness and still be there when they have none themselves."

mrbiggbrain

Unless You REALLY Mean It

"Don’t ever use the 'D' word (divorce) in an argument or otherwise unless you really mean it. Treating the relationship like it has an out weakens it immensely."

"If you’ve chosen to commit your lives to one another then respect the seriousness of that commitment and don’t treat it as though any sort of out exists. You’re in it no matter what so you’ve got to work together and figure it out."

"**obviously if sh-t’s that bad then get out, don’t live in misery"

uniqueusername5001

Talk with your partner, be open about what you want as soon as you can and you'll be surprised about how long your union can really last.

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