I love weddings. Who doesn't?
As long as there is an open bar.
I have attended weddings that left me with PTSD.
Some people's "taste" in fashion or decorum leaves much to be desired.
But even the craziest and the trashiest were a hoot.
RedditorView-Overallwanted to hear all the tea about weddings that have left an impression. They asked:
"What's the trashiest wedding you've been to?"
Weddings are a unique experience. And it should be a dream. Not a nightmare.
"The bride and her sisters did a strip tease/lap dance on the groom immediately following dinner. In front of his grandmother."
"At a park. Pick up trucks with igloo coolers opened on the tailgate were the bar. Everything was served in red solo cups BEFORE the wedding. Everyone got drunk. The bride walked down the aisle drinking from a red solo cup instead of holding a bouquet. It was essentially a tailgate party with a preacher invited."
"I Studied The Blade"
"Really old friend of my wife's. She hadn't seen her in years but was invited to her wedding. The guy this chick was marrying was absolute 'I Studied The Blade' levels of cringe. He was shirtless, wore black jeans and his arms were covered in barbwire tattoos and quotes that you'd find on those idiotic 'bada**' skeleton memes where they point guns at you and claim they'll 'f**k you up if you hurt anyone I care about' kind of crap."
"It was quickly apparent my wife and I were the only ones in attendance that practiced normal human hygiene. They were roasting what I thought was a suckling pig on a spit, but as it cooked, I noticed shit bubbling out of its a** and its stomach was swelling."
"I asked his best man if this was a properly slaughtered pig, and the best man proceeds to regale me with the tale of how he and the groom got s**t faced the night before, climbed into a nearby farm, and stole this pig. They shot it in the head and impaled it with a long piece of rebar, which upon closer inspection was what it was turning on."
"Just so happens while we were discussing the groom's recent crime, the pig's stomach exploded. Blood, crap and guts poured out in enough quantities to put out the fire. Wife and I had already given each other the 'yeah, time for us to GTFO of dodge' look before this, but yeah, needless to say we beelined for the car and left."
"We later found out the cops showed up and arrested the groom and his best man once the farmer they stole from realized one of his prized pigs was missing. The groom tried to fight the cops and got tased. He made it easy for them by already being shirtless. Mmyep."
"Probably my dad's 2nd marriage. Along the banks of a river with trailer homes in the background. He's wearing a tuxedo T-shirt and rainbow mirror sunglasses. The ceremony took place at noon: he'd been drinking since 5AM. I had to walk one of the bridesmaids down a flight of steps as she was legally blind, and someone asked me if I was going to bang her. sighs."
Oh Girl...patrick swayze film GIF by Lionsgate Home EntertainmentGiphy
"Surely that video of the bride walking down the backyard aisle while dirty dancing to her own crappy recorded cover of crazy has got to be up around here somewhere,"
Maybe wedding planners really are worth the money?
The DJ Saved my Life...Dj GIF by Beastie BoysGiphy
"I was actually the bartender but it was a hoot. 1st, wedding was outside and it stormed violently. Groom was hammered pre wedding."
"Hit on all the bartenders. Then the DJ got hammered, made lewd comments to women in the microphone. Then basically everyone was hammered, knocked over the wedding cake which also happened to be a table with many candles, so the place caught on fire. Good times. Often wonder how that marriage worked out."
"My own. In a Mississippi judge's office with a bag of Cheetos on her desk. She wiped her hands on a napkin, grabbed a Bible, and did her thing with orange crumbs on her lips. Her work heels were not on because she was in her office. It was extremely rushed. I understand that she was on her break but we didn't mind waiting. Idk why they rushed us through."
"A wedding on the beach behind Hooters. The officiant stood next to a trash bin. As if it was planned, the trash collector pulled up during the vows. Did he wait to change the bag? Absolutely not. Children at the wedding swarmed the couple like the flies around the trash can just after the kiss, stepping all over her dress."
"She bent over to adjust her sandal and a pack of Marlboro reds fell out of the bust along with her right breast. It felt like we were rubber necking instead witnessing a marriage. I’d ask how y’all knew this was the panhandle of Florida, (Pensacola) but when I read this post to my fiancé, he added, 'Hummingbird, you forgot to add the background of boats sporting Trump flags and rental jet skis.'" 🤣
"Camo print wedding dress that was borderline see-through. Walked down the aisle to the Scooby Doo theme. No, nobody knows why they chose that song, including the couple themselves. They divorced a few months later after they both stopped cleaning the house in an act of defiance against one another."
"What? No!"What Is It Reaction GIF by Nebraska Humane SocietyGiphy
"My friends told me my dog could be my +1 at their wedding. At first I said, 'What? No!' but they insisted because Buddy is a great dog and I am a sad single person. So I put a tie on the dog and we went to a wedding."
"I don’t even know where to begin... ceremony was comprised of immediate family then followed by a reception with all guests in a relatively nice hotel banquet hall. An hour in at 7pm the open bar was completely closed down because MULTIPLE guests were throwing up in the bathroom sinks causing flooding, the groom was so wasted even before the ceremony but was blackout by the time of reception."
"During the first dance he kept his hands in his cargo pant khakis the entire time and ate dinner sitting on the floor in a corner of the hall while the bride sat at the head table alone. About two hours in, the groom randomly left and slept at their house while the bride stayed in the newlywed suite by herself... they are now separated as you may have assumed by this point."
At a bogan wedding...
"Waitress at a bogan wedding. The night ended with the chef and I rounding up the kids and barricading us all in the kitchen and locking the doors to prevent the melee of fighting adults outside from A) accessing MORE weapons (Some of them BYO’d knives) and B) hurting the kids."
"They ranged in age from toddlers to preteens. It was just the chef and I, 2 women and a whole bunch of screaming and frightened kids until the police came and carted everyone off to jail. Wedding photographer showed up the next morning for the scheduled photoshoot. I had to tell him he could find the wedding party at the local jail. The chef and I are still friends, but we both quit that place shortly after that epic wedding."
"The bride made a speech thanking her in laws for financial assistance for the event. Her mother was not thanked and she was furious. There was a long head table for bridal party and parents. It was made out of small tables pushed together covered by one long tablecloth. The mother pulled a small table out of the arrangement, catching the table cloth, and nearly destroying the head table set up."
"Now the bride got angry and there was much back and forth with various family members attempting to make peace. The mother refused to push back her table and began to invite others to sit with her, all people who were not meant to be seated at the front. Mother of bride continued to sit there and talk crap about her daughter, the bride, to anyone who would listen."
Conjuring the StormAnimated GIFGiphy
"I once worked a wedding where come time for the first dance no one could find the groom. Turns out, he went to the resort’s shooting barn to shoot clay pigeons. Upon learning this news, the bride reacted by cursing up a storm on the dance floor."
31 Years In
"Probably mine. My wife and I married after only knowing each other for 3 months. We were married in front of a judge on a Saturday morning. We're standing up there and they bring in all the guys that got arrested from the night before... mostly for drunk and disorderly or whatever. And I thought 'oh no... we have to get married in front of these guys?'"
"But the judge was pretty cool and he took us back this his chambers and married us there. When we were walking out of his chambers, all the guys they had brought in were smiling at us. It was really weird. But hey, we've been married now for 31 years. So I guess we can't complain too much."
Things to Say at a Wedding...
"Wedding was in a suburban driveway. The maid of honor stole the bouquet from someone’s garden and the best man proudly announced he had shoplifted the rings. The groom wore a button-down shirt that said ‘f**k off’ in fancy lettering. The bride stopped in the middle of the vows to tell her mother to ‘get that f**king kid out of here.’ It was her second kid by the previous bloke. When it was over, we apologized to the celebrant. He said he’d seen worse."
"There were no tables and chairs. Like none. They had an open bar but no freaking chairs. Everyone had to put their drink on the ground and hold their plate to eat. It was freaking crazy. Everyone just assumed that some sort of terrible thing happened where the tables and chair people didn't bring them but afterwards I asked her (the bride) what happened and she just said 'Oh we would have had to pay extra for that.'"
“make it work”
"This one’s a twofer! The bride’s best friend (and MOH) uses the wedding to announce that she’s pregnant, with the groom’s child. Cut to: divorce after 2.5 years of trying to 'make it work' and now groom is marrying the previous MOH, his baby mama, when the now ex-wife and (for some unknown reason the MOH) announces that she’s also pregnant with, you guessed it, the groom’s child! Both weddings had great food and an open bar so I can’t complain; plus I got a great story out of it."
When in Buffalo
"I had one of my friends from high school get married in a trashy way. His fiancé at the time invited him to lunch at Buffalo wild wings and she had also invited the whole family (they where in on it) and once my friend showed up he found out it was a surprises wedding (just like you would do a surprise birthday party)."
"The even trashier part is they didn't like reserve the restaurant or anything so in his wedding photos (standing in front of the bathrooms by the way) you can see complete strangers coming out of the bathrooms."
Like I said earlier... "ALWAYS HAVE AN OPEN BAR!!" It's just the way to go!
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