Parents Who Cut Off All Contact With Their Adult Children Break Down Why They Did It
All parents want to support their children.
Of course, when they grow up and fly the coop, they can't always help them out of every pickle.
But every so often, when their children find themselves in a bad place or are struggling financially or emotionally, most parents will help their children out without a second thought.
Until that is, their children begin to take advantage of their generosity or find themselves getting into trouble a little too often.
It's situations like these where sadly, the best thing parents can do to help their children, is to cut ties, either temporarily, or in extreme cases, permanently.
"Parents who have gone No Contact with your adult children, what happened?"
Substance Abuse
"Sigh."
"He’s an addict who kept stealing from me."
"I had to draw a line."- Readsumthing
"I went no contact with my daughter."
"She had serious drug and alcohol issues."
"I had to lock up my prescription meds."
"She was also mentally ill but refused to take meds to treat it."
"Illicit pills."
"Yeehaw."
"Prescribed pills."
"Nope not gonna take them."
"I finally drew the line when she threw my suitcase at me while visiting her and threatening to kill me."- KrankySilverFox
Untenable Demands
"Our mentally ill son told us we had to do exactly what he told us to do (and could not push back on his requests or even explain our point of view), or we would never see our grandson."
"It was emotional terrorism."
"We told him those conditions were unacceptable to us, and he went no contact."
"Shortly thereafter, his wife divorced him, won custody, and encouraged us to continue building a relationship with our grandson."
"Today, our son wonders why we will not come to family events (and just 'ignore each other') when he is around."
"He set clear boundaries (no contact), and we still believe in respecting those boundaries until he tells us otherwise."- nielsondc
Rocky Relationships
"My brother basically has no contact with my parents."
"Basically it boils down to him getting divorced and remarried after 20 years and then demanding they never talk to the ex ever again (they got along well) and immediately accept and shower the new wife with love and affection even though the first couple interactions were her telling them how crappy they were as parents and how they didn’t love him."- Hopeful-Translator70
"So, I’ll tell this as a third party."
"My wife’s mother and her sister had a falling out."
"It was a slow burn."
"I’ve been part of the family for close to 25 years now and my wife has told me stories of how her older sister and their mother didn’t get along well."
"Couldn’t tell you who instigated the fights or anything, but my wife told me on many occasions the two of them would get in to shouting matches, objects would get thrown, things like that."
"My mother-in-law, until recent years, could be very difficult to get along with."
"My wife’s sister has a very Alpha, bullheaded personality."
"Not just when dealing with their mother, but you could see it in how she treated her (now ex) husband and their children."
"I’m not certain which straw broke the camels back but their already turbulent relationship was further strained when her sister moved several states away and took the kids with her, virtually never to been seen again."
"It’s been over 10 years since their move and I want to say her sister has come to visit maybe twice?"
"This past Christmas my wife and I went to see her mom and while visiting, her sister was brought up in conversation."
"Her mother said, 'I can tell you, she’ll never step foot in my home again'.”
"But didn’t elaborate."
"I don’t think there was ever anything like drugs or legal troubles involved, only two really dominant, aggressive personalities that clashed virtually every time they met."- Deftallica
Difference In Beliefs
"My wife and I recently made the very painful decision to completely cut all ties with our oldest son because he has become a dangerous believer in that Qanon sh*t."- GlooBloo92
Unworthy Partners
"My grandmother just did this to my aunt. It's because she doesn't approve of her new fiancé."- jdog_014
A Simple Minded Grudge
"My older brother went NC with my dad first."
"Reasons are mostly my brother."
"He's got mental disorders and never went to therapy to fix them."
"Then he went NC with me since my mom enables my brothers toxic behavior."
"Basically sponged off my mom and demanded money from her and my poor mom gave in."
"When my brother had a son, I finally wanted all of us to meet him and reunite (we all live in different states. Bro in Cali, parents in Ohio and Me in Washington)."
"When I paid for everyone tickets to visit me in Washington my brother flipped out since my dad was coming so he went NC on my mom.'
"Again let me emphasize my parents and I have done nothing my brother has very toxic behavior and will hold grudges for million years."
"I truly believe he has undiagnosed autism and he was bullied so badly back in Ohio where we grew up from school he's scorned and blames my parents which isn't their fault."
"Dad pretty much gave up trying and my mom keeps trying especially to see her grandson but my toxic brother keeps us NC."- Wesmom2021
No Reason At All
"My ex went NC with our son."
"He kicked him out of his house when my son turned 18, even though he had medical needs and no job."
"'Dad' called to tell me that he did it, and to strongly recommend that I kick him out, too."
"Not because he had done anything wrong, just because."
"Of course I didn't, because I don't believe children are disposable objects and I couldn't see what he was supposed to learn while living on the streets and eating out of garbage cans."
"They had some sporadic contact after that until his dad remarried and moved out of state."
"Now my ex (thankfully) hasn't called in about 6 years."
"My son still lives we me because he can't work and you can't live off only $1200 in monthly disability payments."
"That man was very toxic and abusive to us and we both have PTSD from living with him."
"Knowing he won't be calling either of us ever again is a huge relief."- Xylorgos
A Lamp
"She was physically violent, lied, threw things at me, stole from me."
"But the final straw was she wanted my lamp and was moving out."
"I said no."
"Left."
"Came back to lamp gone."
"She screams she didn't take it, how dare I accuse of her something she didn't do and called my mother and sisters to complain how I accused her of stealing."
"They called and harassed me about accusing my daughter of stealing and that I needed to apologize."
"A week later, in the garage, in the far corner under a box was the lamp."
"She admitted she did it and I still needed to apologize because she didn't steal it." - Reddit
Cutting off ties with your children, or any family member might feel like an utterly unfathomable thing to do.
Unfortunately, sometimes the first step toward forgiveness and recovery is letting go.
Have you ever had to cut someone out of your life? Let us know in the comments below.
Redditors Explain Which Types Of People Get Treated With Less Sympathy Than They Deserve
CW: domestic violence.
People carry biases and false beliefs with them about a broad spectrum of things.
Unfortunately, some of those beliefs involve people, and those beliefs can limit or even hurt them.
Redditor anthropocener47 asked:
"What kind of people often get treated with less sympathy?"
"Just Lose Some Weight," They Say
"People who are overweight."
"There is this perception that all of my issues are because I am overweight."
- grumpydinosaur77
Male Survivors
"I'm a male who has been a victim of Domestic Violence, and let me tell you: People not only don't take you seriously, but they'll actually put you down."
"They'll talk s**t about you. They'll say you deserved it. They'll belittle you for getting beat up by a girl; god help you if you actually physically defended yourself in any situation where you were getting assaulted by a woman."
"The most I've ever done is restrain a woman when she was beating on me. And I've had people tell me that this was going 'too far' and that I should have just stood there and taken it. And I am NOT a little guy, which seems to make things worse."
"If you get your a** kicked, you're a b***h. If you defend yourself, you're the abuser. There's absolutely no winning in that situation."
"There is 100% no sympathy for male victims of domestic violence. It's sickening how uniformly society acts regarding this topic."
- ImPrblyWeird
Angry PTSD
"People who lose their temper when desperately trying to get people to understand that they have been abused."
"It’s actually a serious problem in courts that abuse victims look crazy and unstable because they do normal human things like express emotion and are often quite emotional and anxious after their abuse so they are perceived as untrustworthy, shifty, easily confused, erratic and liars."
"Meanwhile, their abuser is calm and collected and charming and comes off very well because why wouldn’t they, none of this affects them. They just lie and get away with it and are believed that they are the stable one and their victim is crazy and the real abuser."
- badgersprite
Those Seeking Self-Improvement
"People who made some bad choices in the past and are trying to better their lives."
- Ok_Win7358
The Bullied Kids
"Kids who are bullied."
"'Well, I didn’t see it happen.' No, because he did it when you weren’t looking. That’s the point."
- Pro_Gamer_Queen21
The Elderly
"As a kid, I visited my grandparents in assisted living facilities several times a week. These were dementia wards where no one knew who anyone was. No one knew where they were or why they were there."
"Easily 90% of the time, we were the only family there. No one visited their crazy parents because it was scary and depressing."
"It’s really fueled my wish to study dementia and work with people who have it. Often they have no one to look out for them."
- an_ineffable_plan
Smile More
"People that don't smile. My best friend is an absolute angel of a person but I've only seen him smile a few times over the last seven years. Traumatic events are a motherf**ker."
- rockonyou717
Chronically Ill
"Chronically ill and disabled people who don’t get 'better' after a few months (because that’s not how chronic illness or disability f**king works)."
- SolidChildhood5845
Themselves to Blame
"People with Lung Cancer or Type 2 Diabetes. The 'you did this to yourself' attitude."
- kategoad
An Unfair System
"People who stutter. People who are quiet. People with social anxiety. People who can’t speak English well. Men who don’t earn. Men who earn less. Women who can’t conceive. People with mental disabilities."
- Painkiller124
"People in 'unskilled' positions. Sure, a burger flipper or custodian doesn’t need a college degree, but unskilled does not equal not hard work."
"Having to prepare so much food in little time, deal with rude customers, and cleaning up stuff. The number of stories of people smearing poop on the walls. The stuff these people go through, people should feel sympathy."
- guzhogi
Mental Illness on the Job
"I have BPD (Bipolar Disorder) and have suffered from depression for over 20 years."
"I've been applying for jobs lately where it asks for disability declaration and specifically mentions mental illness and I still have a hard time selecting it for fear of not being believed or it costing me the job."
- Clayroo
Severe Anxiety
"I had a hard time sympathizing with people who suffer from severe anxiety. My attitude was always 'just deal with it, stress is temporary.'"
"Last summer there was a series of events that triggered unprecedented anxiety for me, I didn't eat for days at a time, barely slept, and could barely function at work. It was absolutely debilitating and felt completely uncontrollable."
"A week on vacation helped but it came back as soon as I got home. So I went to my doctor and he prescribed a few meds, which helped a lot."
"Now I understand that kind of crippling anxiety, and I'm a lot more sympathetic to those who struggle to manage it."
- EncanisUnbound
Invisible Illness
"I LOOK so incredibly healthy. But I'm not. I'm crippled for life, and I'm in pain from it until it kills me. I keep quiet about it, because I don't want attention on it and I don't like to waste my energy making noise about it."
"But some people who find out are very weird about it."
"I look like a cherub. A cute young girl, with rosy cheeks, a lil chubby, very short, with a baby face. And seemingly healthy as heck."
"In reality, I'm a grown woman who is crippled as f**k, in agony most days, has hidden open sores under my hair, and arthritis in every joint including my neck and spine."
"I'm on more medications than both your grandparents combined. We're probably on some of the same ones. And for some of the ones I'm on, their doctor would refuse to give them."
"I might not live very long. But I also might, hard to say."
"But those times I have to fight to be treated like a person really and truly suck. Because My pain makes other people feel uncomfortable."
- littlegingerfae
The Poor
"There's a real disdain towards poorer people like they should magically be able to make more money."
"For lots of people, they have disadvantages that make that more difficult, like a lack of education or support, lack of time, illness or disability, or even just being stuck in a neverending cycle and having to time/money/ability to get themselves out."
"For some others, they prioritize other parts of life over money, and there's nothing wrong with making that choice for yourself."
- cmc
The subReddit was left collectively shaking its head as the community thought about the various people who are often undervalued, underappreciated, and under-supported, simply because of who they are.
But the worst truth is that so many of these situations are unavoidable, like growing older or being ill. Even for those that could be corrected with time, like having more money, it would only make sense that supporting that person more would allow them to change their situation more quickly.
If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, help is available 24/7 at the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233. You can also find additional support and resources on their website: https://www.thehotline.org/
When Donald Trump was elected President of the United States in 2016, many felt that it was the beginning of the end of the Republican party.
As Trump's fear-mongering and rhetoric were a far cry from the policies of what the Republican party stood for in the days of Abraham Lincoln.
For many long-standing Republicans and conservatives, it marked the end of their time registered in the party, swiftly shifting to becoming a democrat or independent.
There were also many who remained loyal to their party but their support for the 45th president gradually vanished by the time he left office, in relative disgrace, in January of 2021.
"Ex Rrump supporters, what point did you stop supporting Trump and why?
A Slow And Steady Decline
"My dad started out from voting for and supporting him and always being annoyed when people talked sh*t about Trump."
"Then the pandemic happened and he spent a lot of time at home watching TV and seeing Trump give speeches, then he says, 'This guy is a f*cking moron' and he became more anti-Trump as time went by, especially after Jan 6."- forgottenmyth
Finding Their Own Voice
"I was like 19-20 years old when he became president so it was my first time voting."
"My parents are both republican so naturally I kinda just followed suit and voted for him."
"Then I watched everything that happened throughout his presidency, watched the Republicans and their thoughts and actions based on everything that had happened and was happening, and here we are."
"Voted blue last election, as a registered republican, which I find joy in, and likely to do so again."
"I hate politics with a passion but some of this stuff is just too f*cked for me to justify staying out of."- BIessthefaII
The Writing Was On The Wall
"I can't explain when, I can just explain the very slow gradient from all but wearing the red MAGA hat to going 'Hold the F*CK on'."
"My initial decision to vote for him wasn't really as a Conservative."
"Though I would align my ideals more with Conservatism of the 1950's."
"I'm from Vermont, and I remember watching the DNC's response to the threat that was Trump, become 'force Hillary Clinton down the nations throats' and the absolute rigged BS that was 'Super Delegates'."
"I liked things Bernie said, and while he's very left, the nature of politics would force him to the center."
"But to watch him Win Wyoming, and he got something like 3 Delegates and the lose, Hillary, got 11 because of Super Delegates was so frustrating as a voter."
"So I voted for Trump and I got sucked into the just asinine hype."
"I made excuses for the 'Grab her by the P*ssy' nightmare, the escorts, the accusations."
"I was starting to make 'valid' connections to how President Obama was NOT an American."
"Turns out, I'm an idiot, and at 30+ years old found out I too, had a Certificate of Live Birth, and I'm also an American."
"And how we're all going to be good because 'Haha, Trump and Putin are buddies so the world wont end'."
"I think the first crack started when my friend Mariah, who has sunk into a very dark depression since Trump was voted out, he meant THAT much to her, started to act out towards people who even questioned the President of the United States."
"And even openly stated, as a Veteran, that the constitution should be re-written so he could be President forever."
"I started to see how I was acting in her, and even more infuriating, is she's very good at acting like you, and then when you call her out on the BS, justifying why you're wrong to do it, and she's right."
"And then I started to get annoyed by the CONSTANT. TWEETING."
"The supposed 'Leader of the Free World' has no time for 60 tweets a day."
"The cracks became a fissure during COVID."
"I worked for a hospital, and I served in my states National Guard and was actively part of the response, out there, with the Nurses and Doctors."
"And I watched him do as much as he could to facilitate as little as possible, and dare I say stop hospitals from responding to the disaster, hold back supplies, 'bargain' with states and at one point, my state had to use State Police to guard resources so Federal Personnel wouldn't come and take them at the Governments direction."
"I was an American Citizen, serving to support my fellow Citizens, and the Commander in Chief, my boss, was actively making it all but impossible to help."
"Finally when I started to see who Republicans were who supported this man, I couldn't do it."
"Ted Cruze, Gym Jordan, MTG, Boebert, Desantis, and so on."
"I decided I could no longer look myself in the mirror if I supported such people as them, people who were religious extremists, sexual predators, and just the worst people that could possibly exist."
"I'm not proud that it took that much, or that it took an entire year, but in the end I'm just happy I escaped it."- the_walternate
The People He Was Associated With
"When he refused to condemn David Duke, ex-head of the KKK, and said that some veterans suffering from combat PTSD were 'not strong enough'."- BigTuna0890
Free From Influence
"I grew up in a very conservative fundamentalist Christian household that raised the American flag and right-winged politics higher than the Bible."
"I was taught in church that you can’t be a Christian and a democrat."
"I voted for Trump in 2016 not because I really liked him, but because I really didn’t like Hillary Clinton, or so I was told to before I began to think about what I believed for myself."
"After that year, I was groomed by my brother, who at the time was an infamous figurehead in the alt-right/white supremacist community, damn near the right hand of Richard Spencer."
"I would listen to his Skype calls with Spencer from the other room because we had fairly thin walls where we lived."
"At one point, I was actually involved with the white supremacist hate organization that my brother founded, albeit tangentially, I helped cut out flyers and posters that he would post throughout my town and the neighboring ones."
"In my defense, I knew little to nothing about his organization when I did this, not that that excuses the fact."
"I can’t really tell you when I began thinking differently."
"I know at some point I realized that there was a lot of what I believed that I only believed because it’s what I was always told growing up."
"Slowly, over the course of the last 6 years, I’ve gone from being a borderline Trump supporter to someone deeply ashamed of many things my family has taught me growing up."
"I’m closer of a centrist in the context of global politics, which to my family now means I’m what they could call a 'raging flaming liberal communist'.”
"I still hold my Christian beliefs quite closely, but I’d like to think that they come from a place of love for other people, rather than making sure 'everything I do is correct and everyone else knows they’re wrong'.”- Myrshall
Ignoring Puerto Rico
"I don’t know how a single person could support him after Puerto Rico."
"He said their natural disaster broke their budget, begrudgingly visited and tossed paper towels like basketballs, and mocked the pronunciation of the name."
"Oh yeah, and didn’t give a sh*t that an entire territory was destroyed with thousands of dead Americans."- gcaledonian
One can only be grateful that people's eyes were opened enough in 2020 to get him out of office.
How anyone's eyes weren't opened during his long, vulgar, misogynistic and racist campaign, however, is baffling to the point of disturbing.
Not nearly as disturbing, though, as the fact that countless people are still supporting him.
Today's average consumer has plenty of options when it comes to patronizing a company for the services or merchandise they offer.
But there are also reasons why a discerning patron refuses to give their money to specific companies, regardless of whether or not they desire the product.
Curious to explore this notion, Redditor Snoo_72206 asked:
"What’s a company you refuse to support and why?"
Insurance companies failed to deliver assurance to these Redditors.
Ghosted
"Progressive. A few years back, an idiot crashed into my parked car with a lawnmower while I was at work."
"The owner of the lawnmowing company decided to play games and not pay for the damage."
"My Progressive agent ghosted me and his supervisor never returned my calls."
"I eventually got the money but Progressive didn't do a damn thing."
– The_Height_of_Folly
Unlike A Good Neighbor
"State Farm. Before we met, my wife was in a car accident that permanently damaged her neck, forcing her to drop out of college and abandon her dream to play violin professionally, and requiring her to get an injection in her neck twice a year for the rest of her life."
"She's been in a 4-year legal battle with State Farm as shes entitled over $100k since she was no way at fault for it."
"But they will not budge and keep demanding ridiculous things from her. Next month she's actually scheduled to fly back to the state where the accident happened so she can undergo a 10-hour psychological analysis (when she asked her attorney why they're asking for that, she pretty much said 'because they can')."
"State Farm also recently requested she shoot a video of her attempting to play the violin and then talking to me about how it make her feel that she can't play it painlessly anymore. In a recent deposition, they actually asked her if she had intentions to get medical treatment were they to award her with the money back when it happened."
"They've become such a pain but we've made the decision to fight it out as long as we can, because giving up is what they want us to do, and we want to prove to insurance companies that they can't screw over their clients like this."
"So yeah. Screw State Farm (and honestly most insurance companies)."
– Ben-Stanley
A Major Trauma
"Dude. State Farm is the worst. My sister was in an accident when she was 16 that left her with permanent brain damage, dashing her chances of the future career she dreamed of."
"It was a 10 year battle on settlement. The hoops they made us jump through… the disgusting tactics they used. They hired people to stalk me and my other siblings and report on our behaviour to build a profile on how much she was likely to succeed had the accident not happened to bring down the settlement."
"They belittled and publicly humiliated a 16 year old girl who was in a traumatic accident where her friends were killed."
"As a pre teen seeing all this, it actually completely changed me and opened my eyes to how evil people can be. Insurance companies are disgusting."
– MalBredy
Unreasonable Payout
"I know three people with State Farm homeowners insurance who tried to make claims and got laughably microscopic payouts."
"And then they keep their policies! What the fuck are you paying them serious adult premiums for, when they see the damage to your home and reimburse you with five bucks and a gumball?"
– driffson
A major social media platform and a popular ticketing service got the stank eye.
The Parent Organization
"Meta. What if I don't want to share my private info with you?"
– skycatminepokie
Chaotic Life
"my job required me to be on social media every single day, constantly be interacting with clients posts, constantly be creating content with the intent of trying to gt clients to share the content."
"i really do believe social media is a cancer on society."
"I know that reddit is also social media, but the anonymity makes it much less toxic and consuming for me."
– garlicdjango
Unhealthy Addiction
"I was addicted to Facebook for the longest time and it wasn't until I finally deleted it (not suspended, full deletion) that I realized what a profound effect it was having on my mental health. I'm not even exaggerating. I am so much happier without it."
"The friends I talked to all the time still talk to me through other mediums, and the ones that don't, just don't. And that's fine. I'm not even judging them for it. I'm in a much better place."
– starchystar
No More Live Events
"Ticketmaster - too many fees. Just don't go to live concerts anymore."
– username987654321a
"Ticketmaster:"
"Ticket price: $40"
"Service fee: $20"
"Paperless fee: $5"
"Fee fee: $3.15"
"Because we can fee: $2.00"
"You wanna go fee: $12.00"
"Print-from-home fee: $6.50"
"No physical copy fee: $16"
"No refund policy agreement fee: $8.00"
"Total: $112.65 F'k you very much."
"Sucker."
– Soulphite
Redditors thought these companies left a bad taste.
America's Favorite Food & Beverage Company?
"Nestle, is there anything ethical about them?"
– Aggressive-Ice-1009
The Partnership
"FYI Starbucks and Nestle are best buds now and have signed a multi multi million dollar partnership."
– poopybuttfacehead
Corporate Evil
"Nestlé. They are the very model of corporate evil. Raiding water tables in drought stricken areas, using child slavery to get their chocolate, and much more!! 🤡"
– Thintieguy
Local Business Killer
"Starbucks. It’s just too easy to support a local coffee shop if I’m in a situation where I can’t make my own coffee at home."
– PaticusGnome
Some retail companies were admonished by the following Redditors.
Bad Fashion
"Jaded London, ASOS, Primark, PrettyLittleThing & any other fast fashion brands that I can’t remember off the top of my head."
– brownguyinthecorner
The Reason
"It does go further than that for me, but my opinion does stem from their exploitation of child labour."
– brownguyinthecorner
Not Target
"Walmart"
"I used to work there and refuse to go there ever again. I put in my two weeks July 2020 and I haven’t gone there since. I refuse to step foot in any Walmart ever."
– funeralxfog95
Employee Confession
"Former Walmart employee here too that refuses to shop there. Union busting, encouraging people to work off the clock, threatening you if you get caught up doing work and accrue OT, humiliating public team cheers, inadequate training for dangerous equipment, constant busy work, terrible pay and benefits... not to mention that the only reason I ended up working there is they destroyed their local competitors in the town... f'k Walmart."
– BobGenghisKahn
Discomforting Atmosphere
"I started off hating Walmart as a kid because of the fluorescent lighting and overall depressed feeling that would overcome me anytime I would step foot inside one, and my hate has only grown stronger over the years."
– ChillNyeTheStonerGuy
They say America runs on Dunkin'.
That slogan alone made me give it a hard pass. The audacity. Everyone knows Starbucks is supreme.
I know, I know, the mega java chain is on every street corner in all major metropolitan cities and many customers may think they're overrated.
But say what you will. Their quality cup of joe is so much better than the mud Dunkin' Donuts passes off as coffee.
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Being a teacher means you must learn to juggle many hats. Teachers are secondary parents, counselors, buddies, mentors... the list is endless. And as much as the job of a teacher is fulfilling, it is also stressful and tear jerking. Sometimes being the bearer of that news in unavoidable. And there is no easy way to say it.
So be kind to teachers, they have pain too.
Redditor u/CTE2028 was hoping the educators reading would be willing to share some stories by asking.... Teachers Of Reddit have you ever had to explain a students death if so what did you tell them?3rd period
Monsters Inc Hug GIFGiphyA kid in one of my high school classes died in his sleep over Spring Break. Some sort of random heart failure.
They didn't make an announcement but word traveled pretty quickly because he was a prominent member of the cross-country team. Anyway, 3rd period rolled around and his best friend walked in smiling and laughing with someone. When the bell rang, she asked someone near her where her friend was. We all heard and realized she didn't know yet. My poor 25-year old, fresh-out-of-college history teacher had to pull her aside to tell her that her best friend was dead. She ran out of the room crying and he looked sick to his stomach. Then he had to teach our class.
The Worst Day
I was a long term sub for a middle school band teacher out on pregnancy leave. Two weeks in, the Principal let me know first thing in the morning that the teacher I was subbing for had lost her child and I should let each class know. The students were close to the teacher and they should know he said. This was 25 years ago, so no internet. I was fresh out of college and I suggested that perhaps he should do it or maybe even a counselor.
He let me know that everyone was too busy and if I had a problem I could quit. I was only a sub after all. So for the next six bells, I let each class know that sometimes life doesn't go as you hope and that parents can lose a child before they are even born. It did not get easier as the day went on.
It is still the worst day of education in my entire career.
Caleb & Alexa
A couple years ago one of our Pre-K students had a little sister die from a congenital heart defect. We live in a small area and all the kids knew her because we had had a bunch of fundraisers and the student talked about his sister often. When she died we felt very unprepared to talk to the kids about why Caleb wouldn't be at school and what had happened to his sister. My co-teacher bought a book to read them (can't remember the title now). We were all crying when we talked to the kids, but trying to stay calm. We explained how it was okay to be sad, that Caleb would be sad when he came back to school.
We told them it was ok to ask about Alexa but Caleb may not want to talk much about her and that was ok. I remember specifically my co teacher saying "I know we all prayed for Alexa. And God did give her a new heart, but she had to go to heaven to get it." One of the absolute hardest days in my life. The kids were very sweet and understood way more than we thought they would.
Sweet Girl
At the school my mom works at, a 3rd grader died from a glioblastoma. She was really well known in the area; her parents did an amazing job bringing awareness about this particular form of cancer, and they did a lot of fundraisers for her treatment/travel expenses. My mom works with kindergarteners, and her students didn't really know how to react regarding the death. My mom and the other teacher (my mom is a paraprofessional) decided to mention it, and if anybody wanted to talk about they would (and they did).
I knew the teachers told everyone before I came back to school because they all treated me like I was going to explode. When a friend finally asked me a question about my mom, another student said that the teacher told them not to say anything to me about it. It left me feeling like I couldn't share my grief or my memories of my mom with my school friends.
In Shock
Not a teacher, but we had a student in one of my smaller university classes pass away unexpectedly one day. The teacher came into class looking clearly upset and simply told us what had happened. We all just sat there and took a few minutes to soak the news in. I'm pretty sure we wrote some condolences to their family at one point. No one could really believe it. They were really outgoing and had a good rapport with everyone, so the whole dynamic of the class felt a little off after that. It felt so strange seeing that one desk remain empty for the rest of the semester.
Teachers need more love in this world.....
Not a teacher but had a fellow student die in middle school on Mother's Day. It was very hard for my teacher to explain, because it was an accident, she was hit by a car while at the beach with her mom. I remember the teacher crying and giving us all time to process, but I think she did the best she could do in that situation. I can't imagine how teachers deal with this sort of thing. Teachers need more love in this world.
After the Bliss....
I didn't have to explain it, but I did have a student die.
It was a week after "remote learning" had ended for the school year this June. It was basically ungraded remote learning, meaning only a small percentage of students actually logged in. I can't say I would have done much work when I was in middle school and knew it was ungraded. This particular student never did any of the online work.
I got a call literally on my wedding day from my principal. The ceremony was over, and I was having a meal with my parents and new husband. The principal explained to me that the student had passed away in a car crash the day before. Apparently, someone took a video of the aftermath, and some of the kid's severed body parts were visible. My principal told me to watch out for any students grieving or mentions of the video (never heard anything). It was an odd conversation, as after talking about a student who had died, my principal then congratulated me on getting married.
Jasmine
Sadness Reaction GIF by MOODMANGiphyI had a girl die in my Spanish class in HS that I was somewhat friends with. Very sad... went missing one day and was found about 3 days later in the back of a burned vehicle.
It was awful because we had a clock with 12 hours each hour representing a partner to practice with. Jasmine was on my clock. Every day someone didn't have a partner on that clock because one of us was murdered... and this was in a small town where that evil doesn't happen. First person I ever somewhat knew that passed, all because a boyfriend and a different girl got in some stupid dispute and then decided to kill her...
Our teacher didn't exactly handle it well though to answer the question. It was a very difficult time for the whole school.
Could've done better....
Tea Smh GIF by moodmanGiphySame. Watched my girlfriend's little sister die in a car accident with her family. Threw up for days after. So sad. Got a "you shouldn't have missed class" from my professor for missing class that day, when he knew what had happened, and an "I don't care what happened". He apologized for being hard on me for that a few weeks later, but still...
Also someone I sat next to in high school died in a car accident the night before class. A high school counselor came in and said one of our classmates had died. Didn't say who. My good friend was out that day in that class, as well as about 5 others. Didn't know who it was until the bell rang and finally found someone that knew and everything went on as normal. Handled so poorly.
In Costume
Oh my god. I actually left teaching for a year to do administrative work at the end of the year when this happened. We had a particularly beloved junior in high school who was murdered by a family member. The event was so shocking it was all over the news about as fast as the school learned about the event. It happened on a Tuesday night, we learned about it Wednesday night via email, and there was a school announcement the next day over loudspeaker.
When students asked what happened, one student pulled out his phone and showed a news article around to several students in the class. The class was so horrified, they asked if we could pause the day, and then there was forty minutes of sniffling and crying and I think that was the worst classroom experience I've ever had.
Several students who didn't even know the guy who died couldn't stop themselves from crying because of recent deaths in their own family.
To top it all off, it was during spirit week and many student had shown up in costume, and they slowly started to take off distracting pieces, and asked around for jackets or something to cover up their attention grabbing outfits. I would wish that experience on no one.
The Twins
Yes.
I had twin brothers. Both missed school for a while. One returned with a note from his aunt. She wrote that their parents didn't write the note because they were in their country of origin because of the brother's death.
I interpreted that as the uncle (the parents' brother). Instead, the family had visited their home country, and one of the brothers died.
The surviving twin came back to school, but the parents were mourning and taking care of the dead twin's funeral.
When I eventually figured out my mistake, I notified the counselor. A week later, because the school moves slowly, one of the wellness counselors came to my room to announce the dead twin's death to the class. I hope to never have to do that again.
She was young....
Sad Pauly D GIF by A Double Shot At Love With DJ Pauly D and VinnyGiphyNot a teacher. In Grade 1 a girl died at our school. I remember our teachers being very sad.
She was always sick and very tiny. On her last birthday she brought lots of nice stuff for us cake, junk food and we had so much fun. I remember these meringue thingies with different colors. Apparently she died of HIV. It was the late 90's. I don't remember what we were told exactly just that she wouldn't see her again.
Janusz
Not a teacher but I've had several situations like this.
Elementary school teacher was killed in a car accident on her way to school. She was my older sister's teacher. Small school in southern Oklahoma, so they brought each grade to the auditorium one at a time to give us the news. Counselors were available. Handled very well by an otherwise fairly crappy school.
In high school, my senior year. First period, the principal comes in, which is exceedingly rare, and tells us a classmate had passed away. He and I were practically inseparable in middle school, but had grown apart in high school. Barely saw each other or spoke. He had dropped by my house a few days before and I basically told him I was too busy to talk to him and sent him on his way. I carry a lot of guilt over that. Never found out 100% what happened, as the rumor mill started immediately, but I believe it was suicide. Tearing up just thinking about it. Janusz, I'm sorry man.
Only 21
I have taught for 18 years and fingers crossed, have never lost a "current" student (I teach music so I get my kids for 8 years). I have, however, lost two former students. One to a motorcycle accident, and my favorite student I have ever had killed himself two days after my youngest child was born.
He was only 21. I still think about him all the time, and it has been 9 years. Smart, creative, funny. Not a chance I wouldn't have been absolutely broken if I had to explain it to other kids. I am so sorry for you teachers who have had to.
Awful Response
angry simon cowell GIFGiphyA girl killed herself my sophomore year and they just sent a mass email to the teachers so they could tell us.
I was in math at the time and my teacher just told us what happened then said we shouldn't let it get in the way of our lesson and kept teaching. Messed up thing is she was in his seminar which in our school was where a group of students is assigned to a teacher freshmen year through senior year and he just could not have cared less.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
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