The Wittiest Things People Have Ever Heard Someone Say
Reddit user SubmergingOriginal asked: 'Enough with the dumbest; what is the wittiest thing you've ever heard someone say?'
Every now and then, a friend of ours might say something, or we might overhear a complete stranger say something that makes us stop in our tracks.
More often than not, what we can't believe we just heard is something so ridiculous, we can't help but put the person who said it in their place.
Other times, however, what we just heard might have stunned us silent because of how shockingly clever it was.
Resulting in our not wanting to scold or yell at someone, but rather give them a handshake.
Redditor SubmergingOriginal was curious to hear the sharpest and wittiest things they've ever heard, from friends and strangers alike, leading them to ask:
"Enough with the dumbest; what is the wittiest thing you've ever heard someone say?"
Don't Give Me So Much Credit...
'I was on a team at work that was on a project working insane overtime."
"One night after an 80-90 hour week, we were all sitting around the table trying to finish up so we could go home."
"Around 11, my buddy's wife called, dubious about the hours he'd been keeping."
"We heard her through the line - 'are you cheating on me?'"
"Exasperated, he looked at our boss, then replied 'honey, if I was cheating on you, I would have been home by now'."- lionbatcher
Eternal Optimism...
"Asked a blind guy if he'd been blind his whole life."
"He said 'Not yet'."- Feeling_Mode_6465
Free time Isn't The Only Thing He Has On His Hands...
"My brother got a vasectomy and when the doctor was releasing him and giving him instructions (with the nurse listening in), one of the orders was to 'come back and have a follow-up appointment after you’ve ejaculated 30 times'.”
"Without missing a beat my brother asked 'what time do you open tomorrow?'”
"The nurse couldn’t keep it together after hearing that."- UtahUtopia
Awkward Season 8 GIF by The OfficeGiphyDouble Whammy!
"My pal uses the phrase 'he doesn’t look strong enough to carry information' and it cracks me up every time."
"Calling someone stupid and weak in one fell swoop."- JennyW93
Can't Hide Your DNA...
'Whenever I jokingly insult my mum, she says 'that must be where you get it from'."
"She cracked the code."
"I can never offend her without offending myself."- JennyW93
Self-Sufficient!
"My brother was a line cook at a New Orleans restaurant."
"My mom was in town, staying at a fancy hotel, and he stopped by after work, still wearing his kitchen whites."
"He was reading a newspaper in the lobby waiting for her to come down when the shocked lobby manager sputtered at him, 'MAY I HELP YOU!?!?'
"He answered, 'thanks, but I know how to read',” and went back to his paper."- jobrody
Morph Current Affairs GIF by Aardman AnimationsGiphyA Miracle!
"My brother-in-law’s comment."
"The entire family went out for my mother’s 80th birthday and after the meal we all went to a local park, largely occupied by the elderly, to rest."
"My mother needed crutches at this point, and they were resting against her bench."
"My 10-year-old niece, who looked like every starving waif image from Dickens, grabbed the crutches and started hobbling round the park."
"All the OAPs were following her progress with looks of pity until my brother ran up behind her, and kicked away the crutches."
"There was an audible gasp from round the park and then my niece picked the crutches back up and started chasing my brother, clearly intending to hit him."
"In the confused silence my brother-in-law’s voice rang out 'Praise be! She can walk again!'"
"We still think this was the highlight of the birthday celebrations."- DdraigGwyn
Still Legal, Whichever Way You Cut It...
"I picked up my pleasantly tipsy boyfriend from a nightclub."
"We were stopped by the Police for a random breath test."
"They asked me my age, and I said, 33."
"My bf blurted out '33? You told me you were 22'."
"Police just laughed and let me go."- Aggravating-Corgi379
Music Video Police GIF by Andrew W. K.GiphyA Bit Too On The Nose?
"Business law class in college years ago, talking about the issues that black Americans had before the Civil Rights."
"Amendment, trying to travel through the south with the discrimination so rampant, trying to find restaurants to serve them and decent lodgings."
"My instructor was posing a hypothetical: 'So you pull up out front of this place, you're exhausted from driving for hours, and you see the sign out front says 'Ku Klux Klan Motel'."
"'What would you expect to find there?'"
"Without missing a beat, from the back of the room came this gem: "'Extra sheets in every room?'"- NedsAtomicDB
Not Yet, Anyway...
"I was working with my friend and his dad."
"My friend (26) heard an ice cream truck near where we were working."
"He asked his dad if he could have a couple dollars."
"His dad asked, 'what for?'"
"My friend told his dad that there was an ice cream truck in the neighborhood, and that they were playing music."
"My friends dad told him "'They don't charge anything to listen to the music'."- tatersalad1234567890
Words Escape You In The Literal "Heat" Of The Moment...
"A friend of mine is a teacher and her husband is known for his wit."
"She told this story to him:"
"One day at school a kid took the hall pass and returned reeking like smoke."
"She asked the kid if he’d been smoking and he denied it over and over."
"She was about to send him to the office when she noticed smoke coming from somewhere."
"She told the kid and he realized that he didn’t put his cig out completely and it was burning in his pants pocket."
"The kid noticed and frantically tried to put it out and someone finally poured water on it."
"Her husband sat listening to this with a weird look on his face."
"She asked him what was wrong."
“'What’s wrong???'"
"'This was probably the only chance you’ll have in your life to say literally, ‘liar,liar, pants on fire’ and you missed your chance'."- Luder714
On Fire No GIF by PEEKASSOGiphyAmazing What You Might Say A Few Drinks In...
"When I went to a renaissance faire once, I went to a beer tent and ordered a Newcastle Brown Ale (seemed the most fitting for the surroundings)."
"The beer wench, without skipping a beat, said, 'Everyone wants a Newcastle - no one wants to remodel!'"- jayhof52
Read The Room People!
"My dad wiped out when skiing down a mountain and lost a ski."
"After a few minutes of hunting for it, he gives up, slings the one remaining ski over a shoulder and starts walking down the mountain in his ski boots."
"About half-way down, another skier stops and goes 'Gee! Did you lose a ski?'"
"My dad instantly replied 'No, I was out for a walk and found one!'"- PeterJoAl
There's a reason your mother always told you to "use your words".
As clever remarks can have a much more lasting effect on people than a push or shove.
Bow WOW!: The Smartest Things People's Pets Have Ever Done
Reddit user CoreyMatthews asked: 'Pet owners of Reddit, what are some examples of your pet doing something that made your realize how intelligent they are?'
We all love our pets.
And be it a dog, cat, parrot, or turtle, we all like to think our pet is cuter and smarter than everyone else's.
Most of the time, that is purely owing to our unending love for them.
But every now and again, we might witness our pet do something truly extraordinary, leading us to believe that our pet truly is the smartest animal on earth.
Redditor CoreyMatthews was curious to hear about the times people were truly blown away by the intelligence of their pets, leading them to ask:
"Pet owners of Reddit, what are some examples of your pet doing something that made your realize how intelligent they are?"
Talk About Coordination!
"I watched both my cats sit in the hallway and roll a ball back and forth between them gently and on purpose."
"They both know how to open doors."- TurbulentStep4399
The Real Truth About Cats And Dogs
"I had a cat that learned to turn on my radio so I would think the alarm was going off and get up to feed him."
"He and my dog would also team up on me in various ways."
"The most memorable was when I had gotten a little water pistol to squirt the cat when he got on the kitchen counter."
"I always kept the water pistol in the very back corner of the kitchen counter."
"I got home one day, and the water pistol was chewed to pieces on the floor."
"It was too far back on the counter for the dog to have reached it by herself (and it’s not the sort of thing she would normally have liked to chew on), so the only explanation is that the cat climbed onto the counter, pushed the water pistol across the counter until it fell on the floor, and then convinced the dog to chew it up."- TheBat3
More Than Most People Can Say About Their Children!
"My 6 month old kitten will alternate bringing his mylar ball to me or my husband to throw--taking turns."
"He plays fetch better than my dog did."
"He puts his toys away at bedtime."
"I have a small basket that we keep his toys in."
"At bedtime, I'll tell him, 'Let's pick up your toys' and he will get any toys that hasn't been eaten by the couch and drop them in his basket."
"No hard balls/toys as he can't pick those up with his mouth."
"I pick up those."- Danivelle
cat playing GIFGiphyThe Female Of The Species...
"I had two Shelties and one large dog bed."
"The female Sheltie did not want to share the bed with her brother, so whenever he was lying on it she would go to the door and start barking like crazy at … nothing."
"He would leap up barking and race to the door to guard the house alongside her and as soon as he got out of the dog bed, she would run back and curl up in the middle of it."
"He never caught on."- NoNefariousness104
Always On The Lookout
"My dog greeted me at the garage door when I got home."
"He then had me follow him to my daughters room, then my sons room, then the front door."
"My mother in law had picked up the kids."
"He was telling me that 'this one and this one are gone and went that way'."
"Let’s go get them!'”- YourFriendInSpokane
Asking Permission Never Goes Unnoticed
"I had a blue heeled mix that was crazy smart."
"Two of many examples:"
"He was occasionally allowed to eat table scraps off of a plate but was never allowed to beg."
"He had to wait until the plate was put on the floor."
"One day I was caught up working on my laptop and had put the scraps from my dinner on the couch on a plate next to me."
"An hour or so went by and I saw him pick up the plate off the couch and put it on the floor so he was allowed to eat it."
"He slept in my room and was getting up in years."
"One night after I was settled in bed he let me know he needed to go outside, thinking an older bladder, I got up to take him out."
"Instead he went to the kitchen and turned to look at me."
"Curious I followed him."
"Same thing , he went to the family room and waited for me."
"When I turned on the light, he went to an end table near the TV where one of my teenagers had left an uneaten piece of fried chicken."
"He stood and stared and it and then turned to me and I swear he asked if he could have it."
"I laughed and took the meat off the bones and put it in the floor for him, after which we both went back to bed."
"How he knew that chicken had been left there is beyond me!"
"I could share dozens of stories like this."
"He was as smart as most humans I know."
"I will miss him forever."- JCKligmann
dog human eating GIFGiphyPeeing With Purpose
"My mom's cat had a urinary infection."
"So he peed a tiny bit in the bathroom sink and waited by it for my mom to see it."- HyliaSerket
Everyone Wants A Little Attention Every Now And Then...
"A small thing, but my cat will paw at my hand when he wants to be petted."
"The first couple times it happened, I didn't think anything of it, until I realized one day that he basically had me trained/conditioned to pet him whenever he nudged or pawed at my hand."- Square-Raspberry560
And You Thought All They Could Do Was Change Colors
"My chameleon will look me square with both eyes and make a chomping movement with his mouth when he’s hungry."
"He’ll also pat at the glass if he wants to come out."
"He’ll hold a grudge, calculate ways to go or get what he wants."
"One of my Boas will only look at me when hungry."
"She had a go at caudal luring whilst doing it the other day."
"Like 'look, dude, I know you bring the food'."
"I’m hungry, look I’m even trying to lure you to give me some food'."
"It worked."- Ugglug
GiphyA Kind Gesture Is Never Forgotten
"My brother’s cat, Coconut."
"We live 2,600 miles apart."
"The first time I met her, I gave her a little pink fuzzy kitty toy."
"2-3 years later was the next time I was able to visit her again for the 2nd time ever."
"She immediately disappeared & came back with this filthy, dusty, brown toy that had obviously been hidden away somewhere."
"We dusted it off & it was the toy I had gifted her years before."
"She remembered me."
"My brother said he had never seen the toy again until that day."
"She’s also very precious with her toys & will leave them outside his bedroom door as bribes."- emilyyancey
Innate Obedience
"When she was a baby I said, 'Go get your toy!' in the same pitch I always do."
"Never trained her with that phrase."
"She went a grabbed her toy and came back."
"I tested her again the next day and the next day."
"She went to her toy pile and brought back a toy each time."
"She picked up the phrase by herself."
"She's also the first dog I've had that looks at planes in the sky when they fly overhead and recognizes dogs on TV even on mute."- Spare-Bread8416
Get The Tissue Ready...
"I have two cats and a dog."
"A little backstory about my dog:"
" I don't know anything about dog training."
"I wasn't even thinking about adopting a dog but it seems like it was one of those things that 'meant to be'."
"My sister found him on the street at a winter night."
"We thought he was lost and there is an owner looking for him."
"Because where I live we have so many strays and you wouldn't see many 'specific breeds', they are just strays and specific breeds have an owner 99% of the time."
"So we took him home and start to search for the owner but it was obvious that poor dog went through some sh*t."
"And we learned about his story from an animal society; that he had a few owners but all of them left him to the streets because he was barking a lot (we haven't heard him barking even once during that time), he was peeing everywhere (he did it once and that was probably because he was nervous of being in a new environment and that was it), he wasn't listening at all (we had 3 cats at that time and I said no one time when he tried to run at them and that was it, never did it again)."
"And we learned that he has been in the shelter twice with big wounds."
"And I said I'm not going to let him go through more, he stays with us."
"He learned how to let me know he needs to go out all by himself."
"He learned to pee on the pads all by himself on the days that I can't take him for a walk."
"He learned to give me my slippers when I come home all by himself because I wear slippers when I get home."
" He learned how to clean his face by watching cats doing it."
" I still don't know how to train a dog other than a few basic stuff."
"He just learns."
"That's been a really long comment."
"So I'm going to leave that how I know my cats are clever for another time."
"Thank you for reading my sweet dogs story."
"I'm glad to have him and I don't know who was lucky about all those; me or him."- LittleBitOff2Day
dog pies GIFGiphyNever underestimate your pets.
As sometimes you have no idea of the things they might see or notice.
Making it all the more important to give them the love and attention they deserve.
People Break Down What The Wealthiest Person They Know Does For A Living
Who among us hasn't wondered about how our rich buddies have made their fortunes?
Some people work really hard actually.
They're in an office or in the field all day and night.
They have their noses to the grind.
And yes some people just collect an inheritance.
That's ok too, but how do you make it bigger?
Redditor h3llofaRide wanted to hear about how the rich make a living, so they asked:
"What does the wealthiest person you know do for work?"
My rich friends are all investment people.
They know when to buy and sell.
It's a gift.
Fancy Services
Coding Looney Tunes GIF by Looney Tunes World of MayhemGiphy"The wealthiest person I know (and hang out with regularly) built a company (IT services) and then sold it for several hundred million dollars."
"He now runs a company that does the same kind of IT services in a different field. (He figured out a winning business formula and is just repeating it in a different market)."
omniumoptimus
Name It
"A family friend retired after being a COBOL programmer for 30 years. About 2 years after his retirement, a company came to him and said 'Name your salary' and he requested around $1.5 million/year. He was hired on the spot and still works there."
bbbbbthatsfivebees
"A family member worked at various companies, he told me this is very common. It's not obscure programming languages, just that they know what's going on. And don't let anyone else near it or something."
chabybaloo
Oink Oink
"Pig farmer. I kid you not. He's my father's old friend. I visited him once when my father and I were passing through the state. He lives in a modest classic farmhouse with his wife, both in their seventies. I mentioned I was starting a school in West Africa as we were catching up."
"A few weeks later I got a text asking how much it would cost. I told him 40k, thinking it was really nice of him if he wanted to send a few dollars."
"I got a check for 40k. I thought it would take me years to raise that. I'm typing this from Sierra Leone because he also paid for the house I thought would take years to raise funds for."
LadyCordeliaStuart
That Dude
"It's a guy I work with. He started with one Jimmy John's franchise and turned it into 10 franchises. Ran them for 10 years then sold them all and dumped the money into the stock market and real estate. He did this all while working as an airline pilot, currently still working at the airline. This dude owns and flies his own private jet on top of all that."
OT-35
Every day...
Proliferate Charlie Chaplin GIF by nounish ⌐◨-◨Giphy"Inherited a small factory from his father. Developed it into a huge nationwide company. Still goes to work there everyday despite being worth hundreds of millions."
ShipJust
Factory work. That is where so much greatness begins.
On the Road
Happy Go Crazy GIF by DAF Trucks NVGiphy"Truck driver. Starting his own trucking company."
Apprehensive-Crow-96
"Tons of money in the trucking business. An owner of one in my city drives a Porsche 918."
ForgottenPercentage
In the End
"Own their own conveyor belt business. Makes almost 2 mil a year after it’s all said and done."
TakeMe_To_Eisengard
"I was a control systems engineer who started contracting on the side. Now I build out crazy manufacturing systems like this. All it takes is getting one project to build a conveyor system and if you end up good at it then boom, you build conveyor systems for the rest of your life. Conveyor systems are actually really expensive and complex in the manufacturing world."
PleasantProgram7572
Life-Changing
"Both in tech. A friend is in a company about to IPO and is VP level so will do well there. Her husband just sold his company (gaming company) to the biggest gaming company in China for, as she put it 'life-changing money.' Both are very intelligent, super nice, and crazy hard-working. They worked for it, and it couldn't happen to nicer people."
BonePGH
The Little Things
"I was a fly fishing guide for many years, and one of my regular clients year after year owned a factory on the East Coast that is one of the top suppliers of O-rings and small plastic machine parts in the world. I never asked how much they made obviously out of respect. But they always tipped absurd amounts ($1500 was my biggest tip for 3 days) they flew private and drank and shared $600 bottles of wine like they were nothing."
The_Kinetic_Esthetic
Let's Play
gamer GIF by TotorialGiphy"He's the founder and CEO of a very successful games company. I met him over a decade ago when the company was successful but nowhere near what it is now. He's also one of the most approachable and friendly people I've ever met, to the extent that it sometimes feels like an act."
Lauantaina
Games and gaming.
Who knew?
Can I count all of my hours of Nintendo for tax exemptions?
When the money is gone... it's GONE!
And when that happens, we have to adjust.
People pivot in order to survive.
Some of us find coupons and discounts galore.
Some of us skip meals.
But when people are broke and still have to keep living, one has to get creative.
Redditor w3stward wanted to hear about the ways we've all stretched a few dollars, so they asked:
"What’s the brokest thing you’ve ever done?"
Payday
I Cant Hard Times GIF by La Guarimba Film FestivalGiphy"Called in sick on Wednesday because I didn't have enough gas money to drive to work but one more time, which I waited until Thursday to do, because that was payday."
TrailerParkPrepper
Pennies
"I was subletting a place and needed bus fare to get to work that day, so I searched every couch cushion and coat pocket in the hopes that I could find enough to get there. I ended up finding a ton of pennies, so I paid the bus fare in pennies. I was 30 cents short but the bus driver just gave me a transfer and waved me in. The first customer of the day tipped me like $5 on their coffee and I've never been so happy in my life."
GeoGirl07
Mitzvah Tanks
"In the early 2000s, the garment district in Manhattan had 'Mitzvah Tanks.' It was basically a mobile synagogue for the devout to come to handle religious observation during the workday with a Rabbi. Turns out they had bagels in there. I was just starting out my career (I was 21 or so) and money was tight. I would go in 3x a week and get bagels."
"If no one was looking I would stuff an extra into my suit pocket. I don’t at all look Jewish and almost no one from my part of the world is Jewish. The Rabbi approached me after a month and I told him 'I saw free food in a house of God and just figured since I am not a bad guy, God wouldn’t be too mad.'"
"Rabbi laughed and said something like 'From now on say hello. You don’t have to act like a thief trying not to get caught.' In a few months when money was less tight, I would stop by at lunch and chat with the Rabbi. It was a simpler time."
Itchy-Picture-4282
Scratch Away
"Brokest and stupidest thing I did. I bought scratch tickets in hopes to win money to buy Christmas presents when I was 18. I didn’t want anyone to think I had money problems at the time so I spent $10 on a scratcher and won $500. I don’t know how but it was enough for car insurance and presents."
FalseWeeknd
Yummies
Costco GIF by hero0fwarGiphy"Walked into a Costco with an expired membership card and had samples for dinner. I made the rounds a few times."
TheTyGoss
I do love a good, free trip around Costco.
Who doesn't love a good free sample buffet?
Eat Up
ramen noodles GIFGiphy"Bought a case of ramen noodles at the self-checkout at Walmart with 4 different debit cards that each had less than a dollar on them. You can make partial payments at Walmart self-checkout and nobody has to know how broke you are. Me and my 3 kids ate for the next 2 days."
-JunkyardDog
Grapefruit Pepper Chicken
"I had a small boneless, skinless chicken breast and a shriveled grapefruit in the fridge and only ground pepper in the pepper shaker, I had even run out of salt. That was all the food I had in the apartment. The grapefruit pepper chicken I made for dinner was disgusting but I ate half and saved half for dinner the next night."
"Driving home from work the next night I got 2 flats in my car tires and had to abandon my car on the side of the road. I had to leave it there until the weekend, I was lucky not to get towed or ticketed. I walked the two miles home, and then walked to and from work the rest of the week so embarrassed and afraid some coworker would see me coming or going without a car."
"I was able to borrow some money and added it to my paycheck to get my tires repaired. That was the poorest I have ever been in my life. I moved back in with my parents the next month."
DadsRGR8
Side of the Road
"Refused transport to the hospital, or any medical care at all, after I was hit by a car. I had been riding my bike home from work and going to the hospital would have meant leaving my only transportation on the side of the road. I didn’t carry a lock because I only rode my bike to work and had secure indoor storage for it at home and work."
Imaginary_Train_8056
Clean It Out
"I had $10 for food for 2 weeks so I got things to make a large pot of veggie soup (lentils, broth, canned veggies) and a large tub of plain oatmeal and ate vegan (not on purpose) for three weeks till it was gone. I've been told that rich people call this a 'cleanse' diet now."
Cantankerous_Won
See the Light
On My Way Goodbye GIF by Bubble PunkGiphy"My motorcycle headlight broke, so I started riding around with a flashlight in my mouth. True story. I was young and very, very dumb."
TedW
Anything for Food
"Sold my plasma for grocery money."
skidmarkzzz
"Ok, but that plasma kept my mom alive long enough to know she was going to have a granddaughter before she died from blood cancer. I’ll always be thankful for plasma givers ❤️."
bernelux
The things we have to do when our pockets are empty.
Do you have any similar experiences? Let us know in the comments below.
Sometimes, in order to find the love of our lives, we have to explore what's out there.
Often encountering people who we know fairly early on are just not a good fit.
In some cases, they're perfectly nice people but don't ignite the spark in us and lack any kind of chemistry.
Then there are those who truly astound us, and not in a good way.
The sort of people where describing them as "not the sharpest knife in the shed" would be an understatement.
Sometimes, this is clear from the minute we meet them. Other times, the realization comes a bit later.
"People of Reddit, what was your “I’m dating a f*cking idiot” moment?"
Oh, Dear...
"Watched a doc that explained how sharks have electricity receptors which they use to hunt. he said 'that's not possible'."
"Sharks are supposedly millions of years old but we only invented electricity a hundred years ago'."- Key-Lie250
If You Have To Prove It...
"He thought the outlet plug covers (for childproofing) meant the outlet was out-of-order."
"He literally had nothing plugged into the walls of his entire living room."
"He also mentioned how smart he was any chance he got.... usually a prime indicator."- Airport_Fart
It's Certainly A Hustle. HOWEVER...
"He kept applying for jobs and getting denied instantly."
"At the time, I didn’t understand and was upset for him."
"Come to find out, this 26-year-old was applying for jobs driving armored trucks for banks."
"With a record for stealing money from cash registers."
"I didn’t know at the time that he had ever been arrested, but this man literally had robbery and theft on his record, and couldn’t understand why an armored truck company wouldn’t hire him."- cathherine
When It Rains, It Pours...
"My ex didn't think it rained over the ocean because there was enough water there already."
"She was shocked it rained when we were on a cruise."- 1_disasta
Let's Hope She Didn't Test This Theory...
"How alcohol content percentage works."
"We argued for months that 10% as alcohol content remains the same even if you halved the bottle."
"She said nope, if you halved the bottle then the alcohol content would be 5%."
"Engineer graduate that too."
"She works for a software firm."
"For 12 years."
"Sigh."- baboyadobo
Some People Just Don't Grasp The Concept Of Math...
"My ex thought he could play hockey and found what he thought were the holy grail of skates."
"He bought them for $200 (I don't know the price as it was a long time ago)."
"His friend, who lived in a city an hour and 20 minutes away, told him he got the same skates for $195."
"So my ex, in his old Camaro that cost $50 in gas round trip, returned the skates he got for $200 and drove 1 hour and 20 minutes to get the skates that were $5 cheaper."
"That should have been the biggest red flag."
"But sadly, it turned out I was the f*cking idiot who stayed with him for a few more years."- Flipgirlnarie
"I had to explain to a grown woman that 20% is not always $20 when converted to currency."- DahvRom
Double Whammy...
"Was just lounging about one Sunday and skiing came on the TV."
"At one point the commentator said that contestants reached 100 km/h at that point in the race."
"The ex literally shouted bullsh*t at the telly."
"I looked at her and asked why..she replied that there was no way that they could tell how far they'd go in an hour since the race was only two minutes long."
"Another time, 'I have an aunt who lives in London, is that near England'."- Allydarvel
One Step Behind
"I introduced him to my stepsister."
"He said, 'weird, you guys look nothing alike'."- Saminotsammy
Get Out Of My Kitchen!!!
"He was trying to make cookies and kept opening the oven for extended periods of time, letting out all the heat."
"When I told him he was letting all the heat out by opening the door wide open and staring at the cookies, he told me I didn't know how ovens work because the temp setter said 400 so it was 400."
"Took an hour to bake 1 sheet of cookies and said 'I don't know why it's taking so long'."
"Also insisted on doing this on Thanksgiving, tying up my oven and was pissed off when he found out the turkey would take 3hrs to cook."
"As I'm sure you can imagine... Did not work out."- pocket4129
Liking Them Doesn't Make You One Of Them...
"It was when vampire-related shows and movies were in the height of their popularity."
"He became obsessed with vampires."
"When we would go outside, he started to act like the sun was hurting him, and he would shield his face with his hands while groaning in pain."
"Think of Jim from The Office with his vampire prank... only he was more dramatic... and serious."- not-a-real_username
Some Like It Hot...
"When he left the window open in the middle of summer because the air conditioning made the house too cold."
"He didn’t turn off the air conditioner and argued that it wouldn’t have made a difference."- Lovable_Minion
Dogs Do Love Car Rides...
"I went on a couple dates with a woman who owned two large energetic dogs."
"When she bought them she was informed that she'd need to walk them every day to get them exercise and burn off energy."
"To save time, instead of walking them she'd take them for a drive and thought that accomplished the same thing."- diiejso
So Much For Going Green...
"We drove past a windmill on a windy day."
"She commented how it was too windy out and they should turn the windmill down."
"She was dead serious..."- ink4n3
Washington And Jefferson Do Look Sort Of Alike... Don't They?...
"She found a coin in the couch and exclaimed 'WOW this is a REALLY big nickel'
"To which I responded 'That's because its a quarter'."- 404-soul-not-found
As Forest Gump once said, "stupid is as stupid does," so intelligence doesn't always go hand in hand with kindness and generosity.
Nor can we be too sure that these instances are what ultimately led to these relationships coming to an end.
Though, one can't blame someone for dumping anyone who thought they'd turned into a vampire...