People Share Their Funniest 'I'm Dating A F**king Idiot' Experiences
Sometimes, in order to find the love of our lives, we have to explore what's out there.
Often encountering people who we know fairly early on are just not a good fit.
In some cases, they're perfectly nice people but don't ignite the spark in us and lack any kind of chemistry.
Then there are those who truly astound us, and not in a good way.
The sort of people where describing them as "not the sharpest knife in the shed" would be an understatement.
Sometimes, this is clear from the minute we meet them. Other times, the realization comes a bit later.
Redditor Known-Pop-8355 was curious to hear stories of people how people discovered they were dating someone who might not score particularly high on an IQ test, leading them to ask:
"People of Reddit, what was your “I’m dating a f*cking idiot” moment?"
"Watched a doc that explained how sharks have electricity receptors which they use to hunt. he said 'that's not possible'."
"Sharks are supposedly millions of years old but we only invented electricity a hundred years ago'."- Key-Lie250
If You Have To Prove It...
"He thought the outlet plug covers (for childproofing) meant the outlet was out-of-order."
"He literally had nothing plugged into the walls of his entire living room."
"He also mentioned how smart he was any chance he got.... usually a prime indicator."- Airport_Fart
It's Certainly A Hustle. HOWEVER...
"He kept applying for jobs and getting denied instantly."
"At the time, I didn’t understand and was upset for him."
"Come to find out, this 26-year-old was applying for jobs driving armored trucks for banks."
"With a record for stealing money from cash registers."
"I didn’t know at the time that he had ever been arrested, but this man literally had robbery and theft on his record, and couldn’t understand why an armored truck company wouldn’t hire him."- cathherine
When It Rains, It Pours...
"My ex didn't think it rained over the ocean because there was enough water there already."
"She was shocked it rained when we were on a cruise."- 1_disasta
Let's Hope She Didn't Test This Theory...
"How alcohol content percentage works."
"We argued for months that 10% as alcohol content remains the same even if you halved the bottle."
"She said nope, if you halved the bottle then the alcohol content would be 5%."
"Engineer graduate that too."
"She works for a software firm."
"For 12 years."
Some People Just Don't Grasp The Concept Of Math...
"My ex thought he could play hockey and found what he thought were the holy grail of skates."
"He bought them for $200 (I don't know the price as it was a long time ago)."
"His friend, who lived in a city an hour and 20 minutes away, told him he got the same skates for $195."
"So my ex, in his old Camaro that cost $50 in gas round trip, returned the skates he got for $200 and drove 1 hour and 20 minutes to get the skates that were $5 cheaper."
"That should have been the biggest red flag."
"But sadly, it turned out I was the f*cking idiot who stayed with him for a few more years."- Flipgirlnarie
"I had to explain to a grown woman that 20% is not always $20 when converted to currency."- DahvRom
"Was just lounging about one Sunday and skiing came on the TV."
"At one point the commentator said that contestants reached 100 km/h at that point in the race."
"The ex literally shouted bullsh*t at the telly."
"I looked at her and asked why..she replied that there was no way that they could tell how far they'd go in an hour since the race was only two minutes long."
"Another time, 'I have an aunt who lives in London, is that near England'."- Allydarvel
One Step Behind
"I introduced him to my stepsister."
"He said, 'weird, you guys look nothing alike'."- Saminotsammy
Get Out Of My Kitchen!!!
"He was trying to make cookies and kept opening the oven for extended periods of time, letting out all the heat."
"When I told him he was letting all the heat out by opening the door wide open and staring at the cookies, he told me I didn't know how ovens work because the temp setter said 400 so it was 400."
"Took an hour to bake 1 sheet of cookies and said 'I don't know why it's taking so long'."
"Also insisted on doing this on Thanksgiving, tying up my oven and was pissed off when he found out the turkey would take 3hrs to cook."
"As I'm sure you can imagine... Did not work out."- pocket4129
Liking Them Doesn't Make You One Of Them...
"It was when vampire-related shows and movies were in the height of their popularity."
"He became obsessed with vampires."
"When we would go outside, he started to act like the sun was hurting him, and he would shield his face with his hands while groaning in pain."
"Think of Jim from The Office with his vampire prank... only he was more dramatic... and serious."- not-a-real_username
Some Like It Hot...
"When he left the window open in the middle of summer because the air conditioning made the house too cold."
"He didn’t turn off the air conditioner and argued that it wouldn’t have made a difference."- Lovable_Minion
Dogs Do Love Car Rides...
"I went on a couple dates with a woman who owned two large energetic dogs."
"When she bought them she was informed that she'd need to walk them every day to get them exercise and burn off energy."
"To save time, instead of walking them she'd take them for a drive and thought that accomplished the same thing."- diiejso
So Much For Going Green...
"We drove past a windmill on a windy day."
"She commented how it was too windy out and they should turn the windmill down."
"She was dead serious..."- ink4n3
Washington And Jefferson Do Look Sort Of Alike... Don't They?...
"She found a coin in the couch and exclaimed 'WOW this is a REALLY big nickel'
"To which I responded 'That's because its a quarter'."- 404-soul-not-found
As Forest Gump once said, "stupid is as stupid does," so intelligence doesn't always go hand in hand with kindness and generosity.
Nor can we be too sure that these instances are what ultimately led to these relationships coming to an end.
Though, one can't blame someone for dumping anyone who thought they'd turned into a vampire...
- People Share The Best Euphemisms For Telling Someone That They're Stupid ›
- People Break Down Their Best Tips For Arguing With Idiots ›
People Share The Hardest Things To Understand About American Culture
Though it's often used as the butt of jokes, there's still a lot to appreciate in the United States, whether you live there or are visiting.
But there are also a lot of things that leave onlookers infinitely perplexed about what it's actually like to live in the United States and why they do things like that.
Redditor DadIsMadAtMe asked:
"What’s the hardest thing for you to comprehend about the American culture?"
"School mascots. Where I live, we just have teams and just play matches against people."
"In America, it’s all like, 'GO, EASTTOWN EAGLES!!! OOGACHACKA!' and there would be some person in a cheapo eagle suit spinning a basketball on his fingers or something. You would have a full dramatic cheerleader dance-off before your match, we just shake hands and stare hard at each other."
No Child Left Behind
"Canadian here on spring break in Florida."
"I can't get over the baseline... I don't know how to say it, the baseline education level? There are smart people, but there are also completely uneducated people. Like, the divide is massive."
Little-To-No Paid Time Off
"Having two weeks vacation or no PTO (Personal Time Off) for most."
"In my current country, you have to take two weeks of mandatory leave in a row. Including public holidays, I get about seven weeks of vacation per year."
Financial Debt Culture
"How casual debt is, how easy it is to take loans and credit cards out in other people's names without their knowledge, and how casual it is to rack up huge amounts of debt."
Where's the Poutine?
"Americans love french fries, cheese, and gravy, but poutine never took off south of the border. Always found that odd."
"The zero-tolerance rule... Who came up with that s**t? The victim is the one who is f**ked. Either he gets bullied or he gets a penalty for defending himself."
"A lot of people follow and worship politicians like they’re gods with flags and all that s**t. In the UK, it’s universally acknowledged that we hate all politicians pretty much equally."
"Having to tip almost everywhere. It definitely makes sense at some places, but feel like we have to tip at the most random of places these days."
"I speak as a Latin American, just setting that down on the table."
"I don’t get why people think that using something from my culture or showing interest in Latin culture is 'cultural appropriation.' I’ve even spoken to a lot of people in my culture about this thing and we all think it’s alright."
"Your healthcare system, it's so complicated and expensive. And people going bankrupt because they get sick, what bulls**ttery is this?"
The Stereotypical American Eagle
"American here, fun fact! That stereotypical screech you commonly hear associated with the bald eagle is actually a red-tailed hawk. Bald eagles do not make that sound. They make more of a weird (way less cool) chirping sound."
"I was too old when I learned this for the first time."
Plus Tax... What?
"Why don't they include tax in the total price of something? Just include it and make life easier. I don't want to have to do maths every time I go there and buy something."
Not In That Exact Order
"You are allowed to drive a car at 16, own guns, and sign up for the military at 18. But alcohol, behold the devil's liquid!, is only for 21+. The math ain't mathin'."
Money Money Money Money
"Legal bribery, what the h**l."
"Also, why do you have to do your taxes? If the Government, in the end, knows if what you paid was what you actually owed, why not just tell you."
People looking in on the United States definitely had some questions about the people who live there and the systems they have to observe. But the big secret is that many Americans are asking the same exact questions.
People Confess Which Things They Swore They'd Never Do As A Kid But Ended Up Doing Anyway
When you were younger, your protected perspective on life and the world was probably significantly different compared to now.
Before life experience informed your decisions, younger you most likely had higher aspirations to achieve a specific goal or swore off doing something you found objectionable.
But here you are, as an adult, doing the exact opposite of what you had intended.
Curious to hear from strangers online about their developmental growth, Redditor 1234kyou_ asked:
"What did you swear in your childhood you would never do, but ended up doing anyways?"
Some hobbies that delighted us as kids never really go away as these Redditors have experienced.
The "Bird Creep"
"Birdwatching. I used to think it was the lamest way someone could spend their time when I was a kid. How could anyone just sit around and look at birds? What are you, some kind of bird creep? ... 20 years later and I'm obsessed with birds. Love hearing their songs and seeing all the beautiful colors."
"Give up drawing."
"I actually broke my own heart when I recently found a school project we did back when I was a kid. We had to write a letter for our future selves and mine starts with: 'Hey, did you become an artist already? I really hope you did not become a boring adult with a boring job who gave up on his dreams and passions.'"
"Well, sorry little me, but I kinda did."
Tending To One's Garden
"Gardening. We had a large garden. We raised and preserved what we grew. It was me and my sister's job to care for this garden. This was back when whipping your child was acceptable punishment. I was whipped sooo many times, because I hated that I had to grew and preserved vegetables I did not like. I hated it! Swore I'd never have a garden. Never do THAT to my kids. Then I had kids. A switch flipped in my head. I had to have a garden! I never made my kids take care of it. Gardening was my 'me' time. But being little kids, they wanted to be with mom and 'help' with the garden. I 'gave' them an area and they were allowed to grow whatever they wanted. If it was a fruit or vegetables , they had to eat it. As a result, they both love gardening and neither are picky eaters."
When it comes to keeping it in the family, it's not always the goal.
"I have become my father."
"I have become my mom.... even the voice is similar."
"I've taken on a lot more of my dad's cynicism than I would like, but mostly I have my mom's wonder and carefreeness."
"But my dad is rich and mom is poor."
"He does not share the wealth he just shares 'you should've done X like this'. But his advice is the level of 'tear down the sign punch them in the face and say you're looking at your new employee'. I've also never heard a single dad joke from him."
"When I was touring houses to buy before the pandemic, my mother's spirit must have possessed me because I opened my mouth and her voice said 'i don't know, i don't think I could live in a house without both a coat closet and a linen closet.'"
Adulting is hard.
The Financial Hole
"Get into debt I can't pay off."
"I said I wouldn’t curse unless a nuke was dropped on my house. That was a f'king lie."
Can't Wait, Don't Hate
"Have sex before marriage. Thank f'k I never made good on that one since I'm 41 and have never been married."
I'm a pretty fussy eater. Always have been.
I grew up in a Japanese family where regularly eating natto was a thing.
Natto is a Japanese dish made from Bacillus subtilis-fermented soybeans. It's known to have magical health benefits but the smell is overwhelmingly powerful, and the nutty taste leaves little to be desired.
Many people not used to eating exotic foods can't stand the flavor and slimy, sticky texture–let alone the pungent aroma.
I swore as a child that would be the one food I would never eat again after having a bad experience.
And yet, here I am as an adult, eating it for breakfast 2-3 times a week after truly understanding the health benefits.
Natto–which is rich in protein, vitamins, and minerals– helps maintain healthy cholesterol levels, reduces blood pressure, and can prevent heart disease. Some studies have suggested it can prevent certain cancers.
Once I trained myself to get used to flavor and smell, I actually crave it now.
It's definitely an acquired taste, but it's crazy to know that we are all capable of liking or appreciating something previously thought of as repulsive once we set our mind to it.
Finding love is something that nearly everyone hopes for at some point in their life.
For some, love practically finds them. They hardly need any time searching for the true love.
Others might have to work a little harder and be a little more patient. They never give up the hope that their one true love is out there, somewhere.
Then there are those for whom the search simply isn't worth it and have found themselves resigned to the fact that they may never find someone.
Whether or not that's how they want their life to be.
"Have you given up on love, if so why?"
Fear Of Getting Hurt
"To me the price I have to pay if I want to be in a relationship is I have to be vulnerable."
"And at some level I just don’t want to get hurt that bad again."
"I accept this, and have family, friends, work, hobbies, and things to look forward to."
"So while I wouldn’t say I have given up on love, I’m not looking for it and would be very wary of any new situation."- hdhdhdhdzjursx
"Gotta be honest, pretty much have."
"The last person I loved romantically found just about every way to put me down and reject me, all the while pulling me back in repeatedly."
"It was not worth it."
"I'm going solo but still kind of hoping for Miracle."
"I like me."- ATXDefenseAttorney
Don't Have The Energy
"Yes, because I'm tired."
"Tired of going out to find someone to love, tired of getting to know a new person and being comfortable enough to fall in love, tired of learning new things about this new person and whether we are compatible, tired of meeting each other's families and getting to know a whole new bunch of people..."
"Being single may be lonely, but I won't be exhausted."- Avelevanstar
"Not sure if I've given up, but I am getting real tired."
"Having to get to know new people, putting my heart out there without knowing if I'll succeed this time, so tiring."
"I'm learning more about myself in therapy, and I've seen ladies' heads turn when I speak, I've been told I have a nice voice, but chasing a lady is so much work for so little payoff."
"Never had a girlfriend before too, and I'm hitting 40 soon."
"Each new lady is a learning experience but it's also incredibly draining."
"Sometimes I just wanna curl up on my bed and ignore the whole world."- Blim004
It's Given Up On Them
"I haven't given up on love, but I doubt I will ever love again."
"After 53 years and so many attempts that ended in tears, I don't think I will ever have that chance again for a variety of reasons."
"I spend times just trying to come to terms that I will die alone someday."- kalwayne3573
For Their own Self-Care
"Need to repair myself so the next guy doesn’t have to do it for me."- Beginning-Match592
Lack Of Reciprocation
"Given up on love as I am the only one loving, the others just need me."
"When they're done, they push me away."- gameygamer15
Traumatized By Past Mistakes
"Ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn't have fallen in love?"
"So that's why, though I hope time will heal me or sth."- guess_I_feed
"I was in a 10-year abusive relationship."
"Unfortunately I didn’t realize until very late and then I ended it."
"It’s too much of a risk to meet someone again as these type of people are very manipulative and you don’t realize the cruelty they are capable of until you are trauma bonded."
"It’s not easier being single but it’s a lot less heartache."
"I thank my lucky stars every day that I got out."- corickle
"My last four love interests either cheated or 'found a girlfriend'."
"It's left me believing I'm just not a person who can be romantically loved."- Owlmystery
Happy Being Alone
"I’m not capable of giving someone my all and I enjoy my time alone more than anything."
"Two failed marriages later, we chillin."- HDTempo
Life Is Good The Way It Is
"I had a big love."
"It didn't work out."
"Now I live a truly beautiful life alone and I wouldn't trade it for the world."
"I just spent the weekend with my friend, her toddler, new puppy and failing marriage and when I got home I nearly cried with the feeling of gratitude for my peaceful life."- spice-pop
"On romantic love, yes."
"I have so many social aversions and require so much space that I'm neither capable or interested to nurture such a relationship."
"I'm happier and more functional on my own."- USAIsAUcountry
Literally Don't Know What They're Missing
"Never been loved before, can't miss what I haven't experienced."- Allnutsz
"I wasn't socialized from the ages 12-22 and have severe social anxiety."
"It's hard to meet people when you're terrified of them."- owe-me
The true romantics should never give up the hope that their soulmate is out there, somewhere.
That being said, being without a partner is nothing to be ashamed of.
As the only person in control of your own happiness, is you and you alone.
Hiring Managers Explain Which Mistakes Make Them Want To Throw Away Someone's Resume
A resume is so much more than just a simple list of your work experience.
Indeed, your resume is the first step in getting your foot in the door to your dream job, highlighting not only your past experience but your skill set, as well as things about you that will make recruiters want to get to know you more.
On the flip side, sometimes there are things on your resume that will automatically send you to the reject pile.
Of course, this is bound to include common, careless mistakes such as spelling and grammar errors or missing vital information, such as a phone number or email.
However, no two hiring managers will have the same set of red flags they look for on a resume. This can make finding a format that will please everyone something of a fool's errand.
"Hiring managers of Reddit: What makes you immediately throw out a résumé?"
Not In It For The Long Run
"I once received an application from a man in his 60s."
"Solid CV, lots of experience."
"In his cover letter he wrote 'I'm applying because the Job Centre asked me to'."
"Please note that I intend to retire in 6 months time'."
"We had a good laugh, then sent him a very polite rejection letter and wished him a great retirement."-BeerPoweredNonsenseSeason 1 Lol GIF by NBCGiphy
Make Sure They Actually Get The Right Document...
"One time I had someone upload how to upload their resume from Dropbox instead of their resume."- rabidwhale
Always Proof Read!
"I'll usually still interview unless there is no relevant experience, but I've seen some atrocious resumes."
"I've seen people use crutch words like 'uh' in writing for a job description."
"I've also seen a sentence 4 lines long with zero punctuation."
"The same resume will have 'attention to detail' as a skill set."
"I've interviewed for one of those resumes, and the applicant said 'I dunno" to about 80% of my questions, and it turned out he didn't even know what job he applied for'."
"It's not that I'm overly picky, but if someone can't spend the 20 minutes or less that it takes to proof read their resume, are they going to put a lot of effort into their job?"
"Maybe, but it's hard to know."- ChristyM4ck
"'Very meticulous and attentive to detials'."- papparmaneRead Book Club GIFGiphy
Make Sure It's Legible
"The only time I have ever had to throw out a resume was because someone possibly had it in a bag with their lunch and the paper was soaking wet and dissolving as I tried to unfold it."
"It was just unacceptable to process."
"The application was left in a drop box so I don’t know if it was a prank or an actual applicant."- 416unknown
Unprofessional Email Address
"Back in 98 I asked a new group of hires at GIECO to write their email addresses on a list that was passed around."
"Remember email was kinda new back then.. "
"One young female employee's email address included 'mybaldc**tchie'."- catjugglinpimp
"An email address like DankMeister420@."- Kibitznikthe messengers aol GIFGiphy
Never Send Someone In Your Place
"It’s been a long time but I used to do hiring for a cinema."
"Staff were often young, for many it was a first job, making popcorn and selling tickets type of gig."
"I would not pursue anything where parents came in with a CV for their teenager or if parents were contacting me on behalf of their teen."
"Big red flag."
"Either their kid didn’t want he job in the first place or they’re incapable of taking initiative and it doesn’t bode well for how they’d be as an employee."- FigJamAndCitrus
"Having your parents submit your resume while you stand silently beside them."- krim2182
It's Pure, Dumb Luck!
"I remember a meme or maybe a tv skit from a while back."
"The hiring manager had a huge pile of resumes on his desk."
"Someone asked how he was going to sift through them all."
"He took 2/3rds of the pile, threw them in the trash, and remarked 'I don't hire unlucky people'."
"Lol."- SpecialSpite7115Im Out Breaking News GIF by Homes.comGiphy
All About The Formatting
"This doesn’t matter 100% of the time but bad formatting."
"If it’s hard to read I probably won’t read it."- Far-Gain-3081
Depends On The Job
"If it's a professional position, significant spelling errors will make me pass on a resume."
"If it's a warehouse job or something, I'm less concerned."- staffsargent
Don't Treat It Like A Text Message!
"Former hiring manager here."
"I tossed MULTIPLE resumes that used text message abbreviations throughout the resume and cover letter and one that included emojis."
"While you can do pretty much anything from your phone, it doesn’t mean you should."- spectacularuhohtext texting GIF by Fifth HarmonyGiphy
Choose Your References Wisely
"Not me, but a friend who checks resumes/CVs had a belter."
"Candidate had a conviction and his reference was his friend 'Baz'."- LexiRae24
Make Sure You Have The Relevant Skills
"I know it’s pretty specific but If your looking for a scheduling job make sure you know how to use Excel and clearly state it on your resume."
"It will probably get thrown out otherwise."- LoyalPlanets
As stated before, no two hiring departments will have exactly the same prerequisites and red flags, so no matter how hard you work, your resume is never going to please everyone.
That being said, multiple misspellings and a cheeky e-mail address are a surefire guarantee of not pleasing anyone.