Women Share The Subtly Sexist Thing Men Do Without Even Noticing.
Sexism is so pervasive in our culture (and across the world) that sometimes it feels like it's ingrained in us. From birth, people tend to treat male and female children differently, which shapes the way we see ourselves and others. Yes, some sexism is hard to miss, but a lot of sexism is so subtle that, many times, both parties fail to take notice. Thanks to these women, who shared the subtle micro-aggressions that occur in their everyday life. Hopefully it will help people to be more aware of their ingrained biases.
1. I'm a pilot and last week I was on a flight, standing next to the flight attendant (male) as people boarded the plane. There were two families that got on and told their kids to say hello to the pilot, while pointing at my male coworker. When I corrected the first family, they just blushed and corrected themselves. But the second family actually did something I couldn't believe. The son (probably about five years old) got panicked, turned to his father and said, "But I thought you said women couldn't drive very good."
I knelt down to the boy, to talk to him at eye-level, and said, "Don't worry, sweetheart. I've been driving planes for 15 years and I've never had a single accident. Next time your daddy says women can't drive I want you to remind him what year it is, and tell him that saying women can't drive is pretty old fashioned. Can you do that for me?"
The little boy nodded. At this point, the father was bright red as he went to his seat.
Anonymous
2. When they dismiss sexism. For example I was telling a guy how my boss had smacked my butt and the guy goes "Oh Its only fun and games, Don't take everything so seriously"... What the heck, its not OK !
3. Tell us we're cute/adorable/sexy when we're mad. It is massively demeaning to be legitimately angry and then smirked at and told we're 'so cute.' Along the same lines, when we have a large accomplishment at work and you say, "how'd your little presentation go?" Or tell us we're cute when we 'act all professional'. These are all ways of belittling us, our accomplishments and our emotions. Might as well talk to us in a baby voice and pat us on the head.
All that being said - I LOVE men, and guys have BY FAR been my favorite colleagues and biggest supporters. It's just odd that men in relationships seem to feel the need to take us down a few notches.
4. Whenever I have mentioned not liking strange men making comments/gestures about my body or looks, the response from guys is always 'Oh, but I'd love it if random chicks said I was sexy/handsome/whatever!' I don't like getting groped on the bus. I don't like creepy comments if I am on a run. I don't like having men make kissing noises at me when I simply walk on the footpath. These aren't compliments, and they're not pleasant.
5. The use of the word "btch." When you call a girl a btch, it means she's mean. If you call a guy a btch, it means (Continued)
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it means he's weak. Let's just think about this for a second.
6. 'Don't wear so much makeup, I think you look better without it.'
It seems to be a common misconception that girls wear makeup just to please their guy. Actually, it's about making ourselves feel better by looking better. We don't do it for you, we do it for us.
I don't actually have much experience wearing makeup (or with boys for that matter) but this is a complaint that I see a lot.
7. This is a minor thing, but has happened to me often lately. When I'm at a party and the (male) host offers whiskey to all the men, but none of the women. It's like it doesn't even occur to them that women would also enjoy something other than wine or cider. Then I'm left drooling at their whiskeys 'cause I feel that it would be rude to ask for some after specifically NOT being offered it.
8. I dunno if I can chalk this up to sexism, but I hate when guys give me unwanted advice on how to "improve" my appearance when it's obvious that by "improvement" they mean "how you can get closer to being my ideal woman," because when did I ever say I was interested in being that? Worst example, I got a haircut and a guy I knew from high school saw me and said out of nowhere, "That's nice, now just smile more and dye it brown and you'll be the perfect girl!" Perfect to whom exactly?
9. Defensively claiming that I'm calling him a rapist by pointing out that women's safety considerations are different from men's. Pointing out that "men have it just as bad" whenever someone is trying to discuss a topic like rape, domestic violence, sexual harassment, or sexism in general, never allowing the conversation to be just about women.
10. One time we were having a small-group discussion with some of my classmates in university and there was a guy in my group that was a chronic interrupter. I didn't even notice, but eventually someone in the group said: (Continued)
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"You do realize that every time you interrupt it's only when women are speaking, and every time a man is speaking, you just sit patiently until they're finished." Since then, I've noticed that phenomenon isn't specific to him. There are lots of men that only speak over women, especially now that I'm working and in meetings all day.
Anonymous
11. Calling other men "girly" or effeminate as the most profound insult ever.
12. When people say men are "more visual" so it's like some excuse for why they get to be horny all the time. But a woman being horny all the time? People act as if this is some absurd thought.
13. If I'm wearing something more revealing it might mean I'm looking for fun, but it does not immediately give you permission to grope me. There's significantly more steps involved. Like talking.
14. Addressing yourself to my male co-worker (back up) when I am the one in charge and making all the decisions only makes me more aggravated.
15. Several times I have heard "You play video games? Aren't you a girl?" or "Wow you play video games! That is so cool" thinking I will take it as a compliment. Video games are video games, it shouldn't matter who plays them. I am not a unicorn.
Or that good old backhanded compliment: "Wow, you don't look like a girl who plays video games."
16. I was once building four 4'x4' raised garden beds. I had already built them myself with my own power tools and just needed top soil to fill them with. Dressed in jeans, t-shirt, and ball cap I went down to the new landscaping company with my truck. I had no issues. They gave me the same treatment they usually give contractors, used a loader to fill up the bed of my truck with dirt and let me pay in the contractors' area. Great service. I was super impressed.
Unfortunately, this wasn't all the dirt I needed, so one day our whole family stopped by the same business. The only difference was I was dressed in nice clothes and my husband was with me. (Continued)
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The guy kept addressing himself to my husband, argued with me when I explained how it worked the last time I was there, argued with me over how much dirt would fit in the truck bed, and finally refused to load the dirt until I went into the store, stood in line, paid at the register, and brought him the receipt. Needless to say, I never have them any more of my business and encouraged others to avoid their store.
17. Sometimes it's not my period, I'm mad because you're just being a dick.
18. I bought a futon from LA Popular. I picked it out, I found the salesman, I signed the paper, I paid for it, it my card. The man selling it shook my boyfriend's hand, and thanked him for the purchase. He didn't even offer his hand to me. Boyfriend got to restrain me from flipping the desk over. I chewed out the salesman though. What a moron.
19. Rape jokes/casual mentions of rape within contexts where nothing but a slightly uncomfortable instance occurred. (i.e. "The background color on this website is really raping my eyes." When what they mean is that the color is bright and uncomfortable to look at.)
To me this minimizes the impact of what rape really is and how awful it is. Speaking from experience, rape is having all of your bodily autonomy ripped from you. You are no longer a person. You are just a hole/dildo for someone to use. You are now an object and therefore any autonomy you think you had is gone. Look how easily this person took it away from you. The sudden realization of this is akin to psychological torture. Well it was for me. This is especially harmful in our society where victims are still blamed for their rapes based on arbitrary standards of looks, clothes, being in the wrong place at the wrong time, etc. and a lot people don't even believe men can be victims with women as perpetrators.
Speaking personally, whenever this happens it forces me to think about what happened in some kind war flashback type thing and it's incredibly hard to snap myself out of it. It especially sucks that I'm really into the gaming community on youtube and a lot of the content providers do this. I really wish people would be more mindful of the full impact these jokes and shit have on victims. No one should be forced to have to relive their rapes like that. Such an incredibly large amount of people are victims that if you have any sort of public audience/soapbox whatsoever chances are there's a victim or two mixed in.
It's bullshit and people just need to think about what they're saying more often. That's all.
20. Why don't you just smiiiiiiiiiile?! Ew.
Anonymous
21. When a group of women is referred to as "the girls" and a group of men is referred to as "the men". I notice this a lot since I do (Continue)
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closed captioning for a living, but it's so rude. It's men and women, guys and gals, boys and girls.
22. Men in the christian church who refer to the bible verse where women should be quiet in the church. Nothing pisses me off more. The church I went to when I was younger believed in this. I remember a girl saying she wanted to be a pastor one day when she grew up, and the pastor's wife had this huge talk with her why she couldn't become one because she was a female.
23. When my fiance and I made the announcement that we were engaged, 100% of the people asked how he proposed. Uhhhh, he didn't? I also asked him on our first date. That's less of a men being sexist to women thing and just engrained gender roles, but still interesting.
Anonymous
24. There's the notion of the 'old fashioned gentleman' that some guys that I've been on dates with still think is sweet. If you just take a step back for a moment and think about how the 'old fashioned gentlemen' act is based on the idea that women are less capable human beings, it's pretty sexist. Yes, let's be nice and courteous to each other because that's a great thing to do. When I hold the door open for you or offer to pay, you don't have to act like it's an affront to your masculinity.
Anonymous
25. My current boyfriend used to have this bad habit of cussing out other drivers on the road based on their gender, 90% of whom ended up being female. Stuff like "Of course it's a woman!" when someone cuts him off, things like that. Eventually, I finally managed to drill it into him that I already had reservations about driving in this city (It's seriously the worst city to be on the roads in in Canada) and him cussing out every other woman in a driver's seat was not helping, and not appreciated. He's stopped doing it except for every once in a while, but then he catches himself and apologizes.
26. Last time I beat a coworker in a game of soccer I get off the field and hear someone say, "Wow, she beat you and she's a GIRL!" The problem with this is that this just perpetuates that idea that women shouldn't be able to beat a guy at stuff, and that this is some sort of far-out anomaly.
Anonymous
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27. After signing the lease on my most recent apartment, my landlord turns to me and says, "I'm a feminist. I only rent to women because they're better at cleaning." Thaaaaaat's not what feminism means, buddy.
Anonymous
28. I play video games, lots of video games. I said something along the lines of " Why are so many games about a male hero? I'd like to see a heroine." and my ex said " If they start catering to female gamers then all games will go to hell! Look at what happened with Nintendo! You're not part of their audience." like, really?
If you think all women gamers want to play bubblegum games and assume that females don't like GTA and games where you can "shoot people" you're dead wrong.
29. As a woman, if I offer an honest opinion, I'm being a btch. If a man says the same thing, he's being "hard but fair" about the situation.
30. There was a study done recently, where a team conducted research on graduate level letters of recommendation in the STEM field so for the most part these were young men and women pursuing a career in science, technology, engineering and math. The words that professors used to write letters for males and females were incredibly disparate. Men were usually described as 'genius' and 'innovative' and while women were described as 'hard-working' and 'attentive'.
Anonymous
31. I'm a female tattooer. When people express their surprise at the degree of my competence in my profession, it really grinds my gears.
32. In my family, all the women are expected to do the dishes after family meals. The men simply sit, chat, and fall asleep. Last Thanksgiving when my aunt poked her head into the living room and told me to come help, I poked my brother (1 year older than me) and said, "I've been helping every family meal for the past 12 years. Dave's going to sub in for the next 12 years, since he hasn't had a chance to get on the court yet. If you need anything, I'll be in here sleeping."
Anonymous
For many childhood memories are overrun by living nightmares.
Yes, children are resilient, but that doesn't mean that the things we see as babes don't follow us forever.
The horrors of the world are no stranger to the young.
Redditor -2sweetcaramel- wanted to see who was willing to share about the worst things we've seen as kids, so they asked:
"What’s the creepiest thing you saw as a kid?"
Serious Danger
"Me and my best friend would explore the drainage tunnels under the Vegas area where we grew up. These were miles long and it was always really cool down there so it was a good way to escape the heat of our scorching hot summers. We went into this one that goes under the Fiesta casino and found a camp with a bunch of homeless people."
"Mind you we are like 11 years old lol. And we just kept going like it was nothing. It wasn’t scary then but when I look back at it we could have been in some serious danger. Our parents had no idea we did this or where we were and we had no cellphones. We could have been kidnapped and never have been found."
oofboof2020
Waiting for Food
"I was at a portillos once when I was 12 and I was waiting with my little brother at a booth while my parents got our food. This guy was standing with his tray kind of watching me then after a couple of minutes he started to walk over really fast not breaking eye contact with me."
"He was 2 feet from the table and my dad came out of nowhere and scared the s**t out of him. He looked so surprised and just said he wanted to see if I’d get scared or not. He left his tray full of food near the door and left. My folks reported him but we never went to that location again since we found a better one closer to home."
nowhereboy1964
Captain Hobo to the Rescue
"When I was a pretty young teen, my friends and I were horsing around in San Francisco and started hanging out to smoke with some homeless guys. Another homeless dude came up and began aggressively trying to shake us down for anything (money, smokes, a ride, drugs- all of it) and wouldn’t take no for an answer."
"We got in over our heads and could tell this guy was now riling the other 2 guys up and they were acting like they wanted to jump us. Some grandfather-looking old homeless man appeared out of nowhere and yelled at us to get the f**k out of here- nice kids like us don’t belong down here at this hour!!"
"Captain Hobo saved our lives that night. My parents sincerely thought we were at a mall all day lol."
FartAttack911
Survival
tsunami GIF
Giphy
"I was 7 and survived the 2004 tsunami in Thailand. Witnessed the wave rise way above the already massive palm trees (approx. 40ft?) and my family and I watched/heard the wave crash into the ground from a rooftop."
faithfulpoo
These Tsunami stories are just tragic.
On the Sand
Scared The Launch GIF by CTV
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"We were a group of kids who went to swim in a local lake. And there was a dead body on the beach with their hands raised and their legs bent unnaturally that local police just took out of the same lake. I've never put my foot in these waters again."
oyloff
Be Clever
"I was walking to school and I was about 5 or 6 years old and some guy pulled up beside me in his car and asked if I would get in. He also offered me sweets to do so. I said no. The creepy bit was when he calmly said ‘clever boy’ to me, then drove off. I’ve never even told my parents or anyone else about this as it would most likely freak them out."
OstneyPiz
Bad Jokes
"Dad's side of the family pranked me by burying a fake body on our back property and had me dig it up to find valuables. Was only allowed to use a lantern for light. They stuffed old clothes with chicken bones. Sheetrock mud where the head was... Random fake jewelry as the treasures... I was like maybe 10 or 11.. I remember digging up the boot first and started gagging because it became real at that point."
Alegan239
YOU
Who Are You Reaction GIF by MOODMAN
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"Woke up to find my little brother staring at me in the dark, asking, Are you really you?"
PrettyLola2004
Siblings can really be a bunch of creepers.
No one should talk to others in the dark though.
Not all pet owners have the same relationship with their pets.
While anyone who decides to become a pet owner, or pet parent as some say, love their pets equally, some never ever let them leave their side.
Taking their pet with them to work, running errands, even on vacations.
Many pet parents even allow their pets to share their bed with them when going to sleep.
For others though, this is where a line is finally drawn.
Redditor Piggythelavasurfer was curious to hear whether pet owners allowed their pets to share their bed with them, as well as the reasons why they do/don't, leading them to ask:
"Do you let your pet sleep in your bed? Why/why not?"
The Tiny Issue Of Water...
"Absolutely not."
"I have fish."- Senior-Meal3649
Everyone Gets Lonely Eventually...
"I adopted an eleven year old cat the day before Halloween."
"She has mostly lived in my closet since I got her, and she hasn’t been too interested in coming out."
"Last night, she came out of my closet and jumped up on my bed, and crawled under my covers and curled up by my feet to sleep."
"I was so happy!"- YellowBeastJeep
The Comforting Reminder That You're Not Alone...
"I recently lost my Greyhound but I used to let him sleep on my bed with me."
"The company was nice and he was no trouble to have on my bed."- HoodedMenace3
Hungry Cookie GIF by De Graafschap Dierenartsen
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What Do You Mean Allow?
"I have no choice."
"She is a cat, cats do whatever they want."- Small_cat1412
"He lets me sleep in my bed."- Poorly-Drawn-Beagle
Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way
"I carry my old boy upstairs to bed every night."- worst_in_show
Hug GIF by The BarkPost
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Who Needs An Alarm Clock?
"I let my two cats sleep with me."
"They're so full of love and just want cuddles all the time."
"And so do I."
"We've all developed a lil routine."
"Get to bed, oldest sleeps on my feet to keep them warm, youngest lies in my arm while I lie on my side (she the little spoon), then when I snooze my alarm for work in the morning the youngest paws at my face and meeps loudly to wake me up."- GhostofaFlea_
Whose Bed Is It Anyway?
"Yes."
"They're also kind enough to let me squeeze into whatever space they've left for me."
"Although I do get a few dirty looks off them."- Therealkaylor
"I found this tiny kitten screaming her head off under a car."
"Would not come out."
"Got some food and some water in dishes."
"I stood by the tire so she couldn't see my feet."
"She got curious about the food and water and started gobbling it down."
"I thought she would bolt when I squatted down."
"She was too busy eating."
"I grabbed her by the nape of the neck and all four legs went straight out and she tried to scratch me to death."
"I got her in the door and tossed her toward the couch."
"She ricocheted off the couch as if she was a ping pong off a table and I lost sight of her."
"I put out food and water and a sandbox and did not see that kitten for three days."
"On the third day, I came home and she was on my bed pillow."
"I thought she would bolt when I came near, but she didn't."
"I wanted to sleep so I tried to scoot her little butt off my pillow."
"She would not go."
"I put my head down to sleep and that is the way it was from then on."
"She ran the roost."- Logical_Cherry_7588
sleepy kitten GIF
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Sleeping Is A Prerequisite...
"No, he's a cat and he cannot keep still during the night."
"He walks across the headboard, opens the closet doors, jumps into the windows and rustles the blinds, etc."
"If he would sleep he could stay, but alas, he's a ramblin' man."- Spong_Durnflungle
Saying No Just Isn't An Option...
"'Let'."
"Lol."
"It's a cat's world and I'm happy to be on her good side."- milaren
Felines Only!
"The cat does, the dog doesn't and the horse certainly does not either."- Xcrowzz
Angry Tom And Jerry GIF by Boomerang Official
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Is That My Hair On That Pillow?
"My dog is perfect."
"She comes up, cuddles til we start to fall asleep, then gets down to sleep on her bed so she doesn't get too hot."
"Jumps back up in the early morning for wake up cuddles."
"The hair everywhere is the only downside but she is so cozy, what can you do."- HoodieWinchester
It is easy to understand how some people are able to fall asleep more easily knowing their friend and protector is there, in bed, with them.
Though we can't blame others who don't want to run the risk of being scratched or bitten in the middle of the night either...