Women Share The Subtly Sexist Thing Men Do Without Even Noticing.
Sexism is so pervasive in our culture (and across the world) that sometimes it feels like it's ingrained in us. From birth, people tend to treat male and female children differently, which shapes the way we see ourselves and others. Yes, some sexism is hard to miss, but a lot of sexism is so subtle that, many times, both parties fail to take notice. Thanks to these women, who shared the subtle micro-aggressions that occur in their everyday life. Hopefully it will help people to be more aware of their ingrained biases.
1. I'm a pilot and last week I was on a flight, standing next to the flight attendant (male) as people boarded the plane. There were two families that got on and told their kids to say hello to the pilot, while pointing at my male coworker. When I corrected the first family, they just blushed and corrected themselves. But the second family actually did something I couldn't believe. The son (probably about five years old) got panicked, turned to his father and said, "But I thought you said women couldn't drive very good."
I knelt down to the boy, to talk to him at eye-level, and said, "Don't worry, sweetheart. I've been driving planes for 15 years and I've never had a single accident. Next time your daddy says women can't drive I want you to remind him what year it is, and tell him that saying women can't drive is pretty old fashioned. Can you do that for me?"
The little boy nodded. At this point, the father was bright red as he went to his seat.
Anonymous
2. When they dismiss sexism. For example I was telling a guy how my boss had smacked my butt and the guy goes "Oh Its only fun and games, Don't take everything so seriously"... What the heck, its not OK !
3. Tell us we're cute/adorable/sexy when we're mad. It is massively demeaning to be legitimately angry and then smirked at and told we're 'so cute.' Along the same lines, when we have a large accomplishment at work and you say, "how'd your little presentation go?" Or tell us we're cute when we 'act all professional'. These are all ways of belittling us, our accomplishments and our emotions. Might as well talk to us in a baby voice and pat us on the head.
All that being said - I LOVE men, and guys have BY FAR been my favorite colleagues and biggest supporters. It's just odd that men in relationships seem to feel the need to take us down a few notches.
4. Whenever I have mentioned not liking strange men making comments/gestures about my body or looks, the response from guys is always 'Oh, but I'd love it if random chicks said I was sexy/handsome/whatever!' I don't like getting groped on the bus. I don't like creepy comments if I am on a run. I don't like having men make kissing noises at me when I simply walk on the footpath. These aren't compliments, and they're not pleasant.
5. The use of the word "btch." When you call a girl a btch, it means she's mean. If you call a guy a btch, it means (Continued)
Continue reading on the next page!
it means he's weak. Let's just think about this for a second.
6. 'Don't wear so much makeup, I think you look better without it.'
It seems to be a common misconception that girls wear makeup just to please their guy. Actually, it's about making ourselves feel better by looking better. We don't do it for you, we do it for us.
I don't actually have much experience wearing makeup (or with boys for that matter) but this is a complaint that I see a lot.
7. This is a minor thing, but has happened to me often lately. When I'm at a party and the (male) host offers whiskey to all the men, but none of the women. It's like it doesn't even occur to them that women would also enjoy something other than wine or cider. Then I'm left drooling at their whiskeys 'cause I feel that it would be rude to ask for some after specifically NOT being offered it.
8. I dunno if I can chalk this up to sexism, but I hate when guys give me unwanted advice on how to "improve" my appearance when it's obvious that by "improvement" they mean "how you can get closer to being my ideal woman," because when did I ever say I was interested in being that? Worst example, I got a haircut and a guy I knew from high school saw me and said out of nowhere, "That's nice, now just smile more and dye it brown and you'll be the perfect girl!" Perfect to whom exactly?
9. Defensively claiming that I'm calling him a rapist by pointing out that women's safety considerations are different from men's. Pointing out that "men have it just as bad" whenever someone is trying to discuss a topic like rape, domestic violence, sexual harassment, or sexism in general, never allowing the conversation to be just about women.
10. One time we were having a small-group discussion with some of my classmates in university and there was a guy in my group that was a chronic interrupter. I didn't even notice, but eventually someone in the group said: (Continued)
Continue reading on the next page!
"You do realize that every time you interrupt it's only when women are speaking, and every time a man is speaking, you just sit patiently until they're finished." Since then, I've noticed that phenomenon isn't specific to him. There are lots of men that only speak over women, especially now that I'm working and in meetings all day.
Anonymous
11. Calling other men "girly" or effeminate as the most profound insult ever.
12. When people say men are "more visual" so it's like some excuse for why they get to be horny all the time. But a woman being horny all the time? People act as if this is some absurd thought.
13. If I'm wearing something more revealing it might mean I'm looking for fun, but it does not immediately give you permission to grope me. There's significantly more steps involved. Like talking.
14. Addressing yourself to my male co-worker (back up) when I am the one in charge and making all the decisions only makes me more aggravated.
15. Several times I have heard "You play video games? Aren't you a girl?" or "Wow you play video games! That is so cool" thinking I will take it as a compliment. Video games are video games, it shouldn't matter who plays them. I am not a unicorn.
Or that good old backhanded compliment: "Wow, you don't look like a girl who plays video games."
16. I was once building four 4'x4' raised garden beds. I had already built them myself with my own power tools and just needed top soil to fill them with. Dressed in jeans, t-shirt, and ball cap I went down to the new landscaping company with my truck. I had no issues. They gave me the same treatment they usually give contractors, used a loader to fill up the bed of my truck with dirt and let me pay in the contractors' area. Great service. I was super impressed.
Unfortunately, this wasn't all the dirt I needed, so one day our whole family stopped by the same business. The only difference was I was dressed in nice clothes and my husband was with me. (Continued)
Continue reading on the next page!
The guy kept addressing himself to my husband, argued with me when I explained how it worked the last time I was there, argued with me over how much dirt would fit in the truck bed, and finally refused to load the dirt until I went into the store, stood in line, paid at the register, and brought him the receipt. Needless to say, I never have them any more of my business and encouraged others to avoid their store.
17. Sometimes it's not my period, I'm mad because you're just being a dick.
18. I bought a futon from LA Popular. I picked it out, I found the salesman, I signed the paper, I paid for it, it my card. The man selling it shook my boyfriend's hand, and thanked him for the purchase. He didn't even offer his hand to me. Boyfriend got to restrain me from flipping the desk over. I chewed out the salesman though. What a moron.
19. Rape jokes/casual mentions of rape within contexts where nothing but a slightly uncomfortable instance occurred. (i.e. "The background color on this website is really raping my eyes." When what they mean is that the color is bright and uncomfortable to look at.)
To me this minimizes the impact of what rape really is and how awful it is. Speaking from experience, rape is having all of your bodily autonomy ripped from you. You are no longer a person. You are just a hole/dildo for someone to use. You are now an object and therefore any autonomy you think you had is gone. Look how easily this person took it away from you. The sudden realization of this is akin to psychological torture. Well it was for me. This is especially harmful in our society where victims are still blamed for their rapes based on arbitrary standards of looks, clothes, being in the wrong place at the wrong time, etc. and a lot people don't even believe men can be victims with women as perpetrators.
Speaking personally, whenever this happens it forces me to think about what happened in some kind war flashback type thing and it's incredibly hard to snap myself out of it. It especially sucks that I'm really into the gaming community on youtube and a lot of the content providers do this. I really wish people would be more mindful of the full impact these jokes and shit have on victims. No one should be forced to have to relive their rapes like that. Such an incredibly large amount of people are victims that if you have any sort of public audience/soapbox whatsoever chances are there's a victim or two mixed in.
It's bullshit and people just need to think about what they're saying more often. That's all.
20. Why don't you just smiiiiiiiiiile?! Ew.
Anonymous
21. When a group of women is referred to as "the girls" and a group of men is referred to as "the men". I notice this a lot since I do (Continue)
Continue reading on the next page!
closed captioning for a living, but it's so rude. It's men and women, guys and gals, boys and girls.
22. Men in the christian church who refer to the bible verse where women should be quiet in the church. Nothing pisses me off more. The church I went to when I was younger believed in this. I remember a girl saying she wanted to be a pastor one day when she grew up, and the pastor's wife had this huge talk with her why she couldn't become one because she was a female.
23. When my fiance and I made the announcement that we were engaged, 100% of the people asked how he proposed. Uhhhh, he didn't? I also asked him on our first date. That's less of a men being sexist to women thing and just engrained gender roles, but still interesting.
Anonymous
24. There's the notion of the 'old fashioned gentleman' that some guys that I've been on dates with still think is sweet. If you just take a step back for a moment and think about how the 'old fashioned gentlemen' act is based on the idea that women are less capable human beings, it's pretty sexist. Yes, let's be nice and courteous to each other because that's a great thing to do. When I hold the door open for you or offer to pay, you don't have to act like it's an affront to your masculinity.
Anonymous
25. My current boyfriend used to have this bad habit of cussing out other drivers on the road based on their gender, 90% of whom ended up being female. Stuff like "Of course it's a woman!" when someone cuts him off, things like that. Eventually, I finally managed to drill it into him that I already had reservations about driving in this city (It's seriously the worst city to be on the roads in in Canada) and him cussing out every other woman in a driver's seat was not helping, and not appreciated. He's stopped doing it except for every once in a while, but then he catches himself and apologizes.
26. Last time I beat a coworker in a game of soccer I get off the field and hear someone say, "Wow, she beat you and she's a GIRL!" The problem with this is that this just perpetuates that idea that women shouldn't be able to beat a guy at stuff, and that this is some sort of far-out anomaly.
Anonymous
Continue reading on the next page!
27. After signing the lease on my most recent apartment, my landlord turns to me and says, "I'm a feminist. I only rent to women because they're better at cleaning." Thaaaaaat's not what feminism means, buddy.
Anonymous
28. I play video games, lots of video games. I said something along the lines of " Why are so many games about a male hero? I'd like to see a heroine." and my ex said " If they start catering to female gamers then all games will go to hell! Look at what happened with Nintendo! You're not part of their audience." like, really?
If you think all women gamers want to play bubblegum games and assume that females don't like GTA and games where you can "shoot people" you're dead wrong.
29. As a woman, if I offer an honest opinion, I'm being a btch. If a man says the same thing, he's being "hard but fair" about the situation.
30. There was a study done recently, where a team conducted research on graduate level letters of recommendation in the STEM field so for the most part these were young men and women pursuing a career in science, technology, engineering and math. The words that professors used to write letters for males and females were incredibly disparate. Men were usually described as 'genius' and 'innovative' and while women were described as 'hard-working' and 'attentive'.
Anonymous
31. I'm a female tattooer. When people express their surprise at the degree of my competence in my profession, it really grinds my gears.
32. In my family, all the women are expected to do the dishes after family meals. The men simply sit, chat, and fall asleep. Last Thanksgiving when my aunt poked her head into the living room and told me to come help, I poked my brother (1 year older than me) and said, "I've been helping every family meal for the past 12 years. Dave's going to sub in for the next 12 years, since he hasn't had a chance to get on the court yet. If you need anything, I'll be in here sleeping."
Anonymous
Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.