Teachers, professors and instructors all have the power and ability to influence generations of learners across the world. They also have the ability to dole out hilarious or memorable pieces of advice that you'll probably remember way more than how to find the diameter of a circle. If you'd like to read more hilarious or memorable pieces of teacher advice, check out the source link at the end of this article.
My prof used to say, "Your paper should be like a skirt: long enough to cover the relevant material and short enough to still be interesting."
"Don't suck at writing because I don't suck at reading."ashmaht
My high school English teacher: If you get a detention, don't serve it. They'll make it a Saturday detention. Don't serve that either. Then, you'll get a one day suspension. That, you have no choice but to serve. Consider it a vacation day, and enjoy.
You might be thinking won't that end up on your academic record?
His reasoning when confronted with that line of thought was "Who in their right mind will care that you got a one-day suspension for not going to detention, beyond high school?"
I never actually got a detention, so I never tested out his theory, but I thought it was fairly sound reasoning at the time.
My Flash instructor once said: "Playing games vs. developing games is roughly equivalent to having sex vs. raising a child."
"There's no point arguing with racists and sexists. Just wait for them to die off, and hope that the next generation is smarter."
Physics teacher, what a guy.
"Writing is the most fun you can have with your clothes on. I've tried it with my clothes off, but I get distracted." - Old male college prof.
"Your anal sphincter is your best friend. It can tell the difference between a solid, liquid, and a gas. And that, folks, is the difference between clean and dirty underwear." - Anatomy Class
"Never get a tattoo of a square root on your butt, because then you'll have a radical on the bottom."
My calculus teacher giving advice for life and fractions.
"Murder your darlings" which in a writing class meant to delete all the cutesy, precious, flowery, over-used adjectives and adverbs that just cluttered up the real meaning and purpose of the sentences. Best writing advice EVER.
My 7th Grade history teacher once said to me: "Cheaters never win, except all throughout history." Awesome.
"Education is like sex, if you aren't having fun then you aren't doing it right." Said to me by one of my humanities professors at community college.
"If it smells like trout, pull it out!" - My professor on using the copy machine
My AP US History teacher used to tell us, "Don't marry for money. Just hang out with rich kids until you find one you like."
In a very similar vein, from a high school history teacher/debate coach: "Statistics are like a bikini. What they reveal is interesting, but what they conceal is vital."
"A goal is a goal, even if it's not how you planned it." High school soccer coach.
"It's always about sex. Except when the characters are having sex. Then it is something entirely different." -APLIT Teacher
When you find a room full of sh-t, look for the pony.
Before every long weekend or vacation my physics teacher would tell us "Don't start any lives, don't end any lives."
"Go for the $10,000 bed now and and the cardboard cheese box when you die." As said by my anthropology professor when we were going over burial rituals and the subject of coffins.
My bass teacher told us how to play one note in particular in Pictures at an Exhibition, an open G he told us to "Hit it like it owes you money".
My math teacher taught me to count cards, and how not to get caught. He also taught me how to check odds on slot machines and how to keep my mind fast with numbers. Best math teacher ever.
My biology/zoology professor wrote in my yearbook: "Always change your underwear everyday."
"Have SEX in every paragraph. Statement, Example, and eXplanation." On writing essays. This is one a friend was told by an english teacher she had at another school, that she later shared with me. It works very well!
My seventh grade science teacher told us "All you need in life is Duct tape and WD40. If it's stickin' and it shouldn't... WD40. If it's not stickin' and it should... Duct Tape" (must be read in a West Virginia accent)
He also said " after you graduate go out West to fight forrest fires and for goodness sake don't get married till you're 30"
He was fired after hiding roadkill in the desks of underperforming students.
This wasn't said to me, but I find it hilarious.
A student in a college class said "This is making my head hurt!" when the teacher was lecturing. He responded "Pain is temporary, knowledge is forever."
It stuck with me over the years.
How to memorize the constant e
e = 2.718281828459045... some more numbers forever. It's like pi!
Think: ANDREW JACKSON
He was the seventh president, and served 2 terms.
he served in 1828 so that counts twice.
2.7 1828 1828
He was a war general, so he always carried around his guns. He had a 45 caliber pistol on his left side, a 90 caliber rifle across his chest, and another 45 caliber pistol on his right side.
2.7 1828 1828 45 90 45
BAM! You now know e (the COOLEST mathematical constants in the world-- more than pi!) to at least 16 digits.
taught to me by my calculus professor :)
"The money you save buying bad food will later be spent on hospital bills". This was when my family first came to America. It changed my perspective on everything.
In a year from now, you'll wish you started today.
"You deserve what you accept " One of my university professors once told me that and it has stuck with me and I will never accept failure, and it taught me never to blame my shortcomings on circumstance or anyone else.
Going into university: "Everybody there is just as new to this environment as you. They don't have friends. They don't know the streets. For the first time since the first day of school, you're all on a level playing field. Nobody knows you. Nobody knows anybody. You can be whoever you want, uninhibited by the past."
That advice made me SO much more socially adaptable. In school, I was quiet and reclusive. I was one of the rejects. Now, I can talk to anyone without a problem and my confidence is higher than ever. The other week, I recommended a band to some random girl in a CD shop, whereas I'd never have done that before. Same goes for asking people the time, making phone calls, making friends, sparking conversations with strangers, etc. In school, if you're unpopular, you don't get to go up and talk to the popular kids. At university, you can go up to a jock, geek, whoever, shoot the breeze and not worry about him knowing you by your high school blunders. Starting fresh in a place where nobody else has friends yet was fantastic. Honestly, that experience was more valuable than the degree itself.
Two pieces of advice are tied for the best ever:
When you shake hands, place the webbing of your thumb against the webbing of the other person's thumb before your grips close. This will give you a firm handshake, and prevent the other person from trying to assert dominance by crushing your fingers.
On my first day of graduate school, a faculty research assistant said: "Whenever there's a free-food event, go. Because the stipends are not that large."
Never be too proud to sweep the floors.
"Learn something about everything, and everything about something."
To know who your true friends are, look for the ones who say good things behind your back and bad things to your face.
(Bad things = constructive criticisms)
The grass isn't greener on the other side, it's greener where you water it.
Don't spend life daydreaming about 'what could be' in a different place or circumstance. Instead, invest your energy in what is right in front of you and see how it can be cultivated into something beautiful.
Comments have been edited for clarity.