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25 Celebrity Actors Reveal Their Most Unbelievable Sex Scene Stories. Cut! Cut! Cut!


While filming a sex scene for The Wolf of Wall Street. Robbie told Manhattan Magazine, "We were positioned while they lit around us in one scene, and I kind of pushed Leo's head to one side and told him he was in my light and he moved out of [it]," she said. "He was so incredulous that I had told him to get out of my light, and physically moved him out of the way, he was like, 'Did you really just do that?' I don't think anyone has told him to get out of their light in quite some time. He seemed extremely [shocked], but it was kind of funny."

Source: E! Online

2/25. Lizzy Caplan Got Drunk Before a True Blood Sex Scene

For her first sex scene in True Blood, Caplan admitted she got totally wasted beforehand. "It was like 7 am in the morning and I was chugging vodka completely naked while a make-up artist I had just met was on her knees in front of me sponging my ass," Caplan said on Chelsea Lately. After the shoot, the really embarrassing part happened. "I was so drunk, that after I shot the scene I was going up to the crew members. I had just met all these people the day before and I was going up to them like, ''You got a boner! You do! You've got one!"

Source: Daily Mail

3/25. That Time Kate Winslet Had a "Nutsack" on Her Face

In an interview with V Magazine, Kate Winslet (who has had famous sex scenes in many films) talked about what filming sex scenes is really like. "I hate it! Listen make no mistake, I just get on it. As actors you talk about it all the time. You can literally be tangled in sheets, and you turn to the other actor and say 'What the f*ck are we doing?' Dear Mum, at work today I had so-and-so's left nut sack pressed against my cheek. It's sort of unethical if you think about it in those terms."

Source: Huffington Post

4/25. That Time Anna Paquin's Husband Directed Her Making Out With Someone Else

Anna Paquin did lots of nude and sex scenes for HBO's True Blood. But none of them could have been more awkward than the one her real life husband, Stephen Moyer, directed. Said Moyer, "There are moments where I'll be watching on a monitor [and say], "Oh, Joe, just move your hand up towards Anna's breast. Good. And can you move your right thumb just a little bit ...? Great. And then I'll go, "Babe, babe, enjoy it." I'm certainly talking to her as "babe." "Darling, go for it.'"

Source: Daily Mail

5/25. That Time Kristen Schaal Accidentally Farted

While filming a sex scene for their TV show The Last Man on Earth, actress Kristen Schaal let one rip on costar Will Forte. Schaal was trying to hold it in, but it got out, forcing her costar to crack. Schaal told Seth Meyers that she proceeded to keep farting and farting. If you fart on your scene partner its the most intimate you can get."

Source: VH1

More celebrity sex stories on the next page!

6/25. Jesse Metcalfe "Needed a Minute" After Filming

Metcalfe told radio station 106.5 Sacramento that the first time he shot a sex scene with Eva Longoria on Desperate Housewives, he got a little excited and "needed a minute" after the scene was done to... relax. "As a matter of fact, in the first scene we ever had, where Gabriella and John first had sex, we were rehearsing and then the director was like, OK, get out of bed, we have to reset the set,' and I was like, I need a minute," Metcalfe said.

Source: Zimbio

7/25. Allison Janney's Costar Ended Up in the Hospital

Allison Janney isn't known for her sex scenes, and this might be why. When filming her first sex scene for the film Life During Wartime, it got so dangerous, her costar Michael Lerner went to the hospital. "He had to push me up against a wall, and they wanted us to look sweaty for the shot, like weve been at it for a while. So they sprayed this glistening stuff all over us. They didnt realize that were on a marble floor," Janney told Entertainment Weekly. "So he pushes me up against the wall and all of a sudden we drop out of frame because he slips and he drags me down with him. He falls on his knees and I cant stop laughing. Todd was trying to get me to stop because I think Michael was really hurt. And I couldnt. And the cameraman couldnt stop either. But he really hurt his knees. He had to go to the hospital. So that was my first sex scene."

Source: Entertainment Weekly

8/25. Jennifer Lawrence Got Wasted

In an interview on Late Night with Seth Meyers, Lawrence let slip that she got hammered before filming a sex scene with Chris Pratt. "Because you forget, like when you're shooting, I was like oh I'm gonna get hammered for the sex scene, 'cause it's stressful and scary," she said. "And then you forget like, you know, you're at work and so you're gonna be here for eight hours. I was incredibly hungover by the time they got to me."

9/25. Allison Williams Smelled Like Cake

Things got pretty intense when Allison Williams had to shoot a scene for Girls in which she had her rear end... tasted... by costar Ebon Moss-Bachrach. No matter how you spin it, the shoot was going to end up pretty awkward. So in an attempt to make it more comfortable, Williams spread vanilla cream all over her... nether regions. She also concocted a pillow-like contraption for his head that involved Spanx and menstrual pads. Sounds sexy, right?

Source: Vulture

10/25. Ashton Kutcher Took Too Long to Fake an Orgasm

When filming No Strings Attached with Natalie Portman, the sex scenes between the two were awkward to say the least. Even though they'd chat about benign things like weekend plans in between takes, it was Kutcher who had to swallow his pride when director Ivan Reitman told him he was taking "too long" to... finish. "Ivan comes back in and is like, 'I think you need to orgasm sooner,'" Kutcher told "Your male machismo is like, no, no, it would take me much longer than this!"

Source: Huffington Post

Psst... more on the next page!

11/25. Dave Franco Had a Pimple on His Butt

Dave Franco was filming his sex scene for the film Neighbors when he realized his ass wasn't as camera-ready as he thought. "I woke up that morning and I had a giant pimple on my ass. I had to go to the makeup artist who I had also met that week and be like, 'Can we go in the other room and you'll put makeup literally on my ass?' So that was that," said Franco. He also kinda forgot his co-star Halston Sage's name during the scene.

Source: E! Online

12/25. Zac Efron Had to Fake It with His Childhood Crush

As if Zac Efron wasn't nervous enough to shoot his first sex scene for the film At Any Price, add the fact that his costar was Heather Graham, his childhood crush, and he was all jitters. "Shes always been the epitome of that perfect girl. I wanted to get it right," Efron told Page Six. Graham added, "Zac and [director Ramin Baharani] were like, Weve never done a sex scene before... Were kind of nervous. I thought it was so funny. I was suddenly this expert.

Source: Page Six

13/25. Robert Pattinson Couldn't Stop Sweating

Robert Pattinson is a sweater, especially in the bedroom. The heartthrob said that while filming a sex scene with Julianne Moore in Map to the Stars, he had a sweating attack that was beyond embarrassing. "It was so hot in Toronto [where the movie was shot], and she's one of these people... she doesn't sweat at all, Pattinson told Heat magazine. "But I sweat like a f*****g crazy person. And I was trying to literally catch drops of sweat to stop them hitting her back! Afterwards she was like 'Are you having a panic attack?' It was so embarrassing.

Source: Metro

14/25. Jon Hamm Nearly Crushed Kristen Wiig

Jon Hamm had quite an embarrassing story from filming his Bridesmaids sex scenes with costar Kristen Wiig. So embarrassing, he nearly crushed her to death! "I am not a small human being. I weigh at least 200 pounds and I'm six-foot-two. And Wiig is a twig; she's a skinny little thing. I told her, 'Just punch me in the side if I'm hurting you'," the actor said. He also admitted that wearing a "weird flesh-colored thong" and bouncing on top of Wiig certainly made for an awkward shoot.

Source: US Magazine

15/25. Margot Robbie Punched Alexander Skarsgrd

Tarzan might be a rugged, sexy hero, but that doesn't mean Jane is just a damsel in distress. In fact, Alexander Skarsgrd managed to get through almost all of filming for The Legend of Tarzan without any scrapes or bruises. At least until he had to film a sex scene with Margot Robbie's Jane.

According to director David Yates, even Robbie's playful punches pack a wallop. Yates said: Theyre doing this love scene together, and I said [to Robbie], Just slap Alex while youre making love, just kind of give him a punch." He continued, it was sort of an earthy, sensual moment of her enjoying sex with Alex, and the only bruise he picked up during the entire shoot was probably that punch from Margot. Which says a lot about her feistiness.

Continue reading on the next page!

16/25. Dakota Johnson Suffered Whiplash

Fifty Shades of Grey, an incredibly sexual movie, demanded a lot from stars Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan. In the middle of one sex scene, Johnson got so embarrassed because she actually suffered from whiplash when he tossed her on the bed. Johnson told The Mirror, "I got whiplash once from him throwing me on the bed; so f***ing painful."

17/25. Ewan McGregor Felt Like He Was Getting It On With His Sister

Ewan McGregor has appeared naked in many films, but it was his sex scene with actress Nicole Kidman for Moulin Rouge! that seems the least sexy of all. "After the initial nerves, we got on great. It was like having an older sister," McGregor said of the sex scene with Kidman. "I'd belch or swear or tell a rude joke and she'd go, 'Ewan!' as if she was slightly embarrassed by me. So that was how it was. It was amusing for me, because I'd play up to it."

Source: Daily Mail

18/25. Judd Apatow Had to Put String on a Woman's Nipple

Apparently while shooting a scene for The 40-Year-Old Virgin, director Judd Apatow needed a woman's nipple pop out. So, he placed a string on her nipple and had someone pull it at the right time. "I was so uncomfortable shooting it that I only did one take," Apatow told MTV. He tried to get star Seth Rogen to be the guy pulling the string, but Rogen refused. Not that it would have made the scene any less embarrassing for the girl.

Source: MTV

19/25. Melvin Van Peebles Contracted an STD

In the 1971 blaxploitation film Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Song, star Melvin Van Peebles said that not only did he have actual sex in the film, but one of those rendezvous resulted in him contracting an STD. Van Peebles went on to sue the production for that little unwanted surprise.

Source: Philadelphia Weekly

Can't get enough? Great! We've got more for you on the next page.

20/25. Henry Cavill Got a Boner

Superman star Henry Cavill experienced one stiff situation when filming a scene for Showtime's The Tudors. A girl had to be on top of me, she had spectacular breasts, and I hadnt rearranged my - stuff into a harmless position. Shes basically rubbing herself all over me and, um, it got a bit hard," Cavill told Men's Health. I had to apologize profusely afterward. Its not great when youre in a professional acting environment and somebody gets a boner, is it? No, not acceptable.

Source: Celebuzz

21/25. Ryan Reynolds Forgot His Lines While Holding Olivia Wilde's Boobs

While filming The Change-Up, Reynolds admitted that he got himself into a very awkward situation. During an appearance on The Tonight Show, he told Jay Leno about touching Olivia Wilde's breasts and accidentally removing her pasties. "In the scene, shes sitting there and I take her top off and the bra off, and she has those pasties on, but shes drawn these adorable little smiley faces on them. And I forget every line in the scene - not just from this movie but from every other movie Ive done.

The actor continued saying, "At some point in the scene she takes my hands and puts them on her breasts. I take my hands away and I look down at my hands and theres two frickin smiley faces on them and I have no idea what to do. And I reflexively, like an idiot, just put my hands right back on her breasts!"

Source: Today

22/25. Keira Knightley Had Her Bodyguard Standing By

For their film A Dangerous Method, Keira Knightley had her bodyguards stand nearby when shooting a sex scene, just in case her costar Michael Fassbender got too out of control. Knightley told The Hollywood Reporter, "I did actually say to Michael before one of the scenes - I was like, 'I've got a security guard outside. You touch me and he's gonna break your legs!' And he was like, 'Keira, you're tied to a bed. You're not really in a position to say that.' I said, 'I guess you're right.'... [I did] a couple of shots of vodka - definitely - beforehand, and then a couple of glasses of champagne as a celebration of never having to do that again!"

Source: Huffington Post

We're not done yet! More on the next page :)

23/25. Gucci Mane Fell Asleep

According to the director, Gucci Mane actually fell asleep while shooting a sex scene for the film Spring Breakers. Harmony Korine said the star was so catatonic from weed that he literally passed out. "So were shooting the sequence, and as he is getting f*cked, I start to hear snores. He had literally passed out! And she was riding his d*ck the whole time. Id never in my life filmed a sex scene where the dude was sleeping," spilled Korine.

Source: Perez Hilton

24/25. Rebel Wilson Broke Out the Nunchucks

Rebel Wilson went on The Tonight Show and told Jay Leno that director Michael Bay wasn't loving the sex scene she was doing with Anthony Mackie for the movie Pain & Gain, so she whipped out some nunchucks, much to Mackie's surprise. She just "happened" to have the weapons on her.

Source: Vulture

25/25. Adam Brody "Sandwiched" Kristen Bell's Unborn Baby

It has to be a little awkward filming a sex scene when your costar is seven months pregnant. But that's exactly what happened to Adam Brody and Kristen Bell while filming a sex scene for House of Lies, which he found quite embarrassing. "It was very, very, very awkward for, I would say, about five minutes and then it was awkward in how normal it was. We were sandwiching her child in-between our stomachs," Brody said.

Source: Perez Hilton

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The Weirdest Animal Facts People Know

Reddit user FunChemical3182 asked: 'What is the weirdest animal fact you know?'

Michael Jerrard on Unsplash

People accumulate facts throughout life on a wide variety of subjects.

Some are mundane while others are weird, wild or wonderful.

One subject a lot of people focus on is animals. Most people have a favorite animal that fascinates them that they want to know all about.

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Content Warning: Mental Health, Suicide, Domestic Violence

We all know that we technically can't make anyone else do anything, and we certainly can't "fix" other people. Other people will only change or do something if they choose to; the only person we can really control is ourselves.

But some people really love to try, often to hilarious and terrible results.

Already cringing, Redditor Dapper_Algae6280 asked:

"People who entered a relationship thinking 'I can fix them,' how did that go?"

Time for an Upgrade

"There is a weird thing that happens when you 'fix' someone. They tend to think if you liked them broken, then they deserve better than you now that they are better than they were."

- TheRealLifePotato

"As horrible as it sounds, to have a happy, emotionally healthy relationship you need two happy, emotionally healthy people. If you want to be in that sort of relationship, you need to fix yourself first."

- inactiveuser247

"This right here. After three sh*tty relationships in a row, I realized this is a me problem. I took a few years off from dating to reflect and really learn to see red flags and understand myself so I wouldn't make that mistake again."

- MikoSkyns

No More Spark

"My now ex had PTSD, depression, and a variety of other issues she claimed. After two and a half years of dating (being my first and only relationship), she became more social, less suicidal, and overall happier as a person."

"She decided to cheat on me with someone else due to 'lack of communication' and us 'no longer having a spark". The irony."

"For context, we were 17 at the time, in high school, and I worked full-time hours with initiatives to hang out, which were refused. Red flags everywhere."

- elteragxo

"Your situation is eerily similar to mine, what the f**k?"

"I met a girl with mental and emotional issues and decided to fix them through a healthy relationship. She recovered and found someone else because 'the spark was gone.'"

- Aimlessdrifter8778

Misery Loves Company

"Now we are both broken."

- Brave-Butterscotch76

"The same thing happened to my sister-in-law. She married a very negative and miserable guy while saying 'he will get better' or 'we’re working on it,' and now she’s a very negative and miserable person."

- Moreofyoulessofme

Getting to Watch a Partner Grow

"At first we were only f**king. I don't know if I ever thought I could fix her, but I did fall in love with this beautiful lady with severe anxiety, depression, and trust issues after being in a domestically violent relationship."

"We were f**k buddies for about six months and I got a glimpse of her issues but I still went ahead and asked her to be my girlfriend The heart wants what it wants."

"We dated for a year and a half (two years since meeting), and I actually got to see her at her worst a few times, but I was finally able to get her therapy with a great psychiatrist and treatment, this is when I asked her to move in with me. We've been living together for six years."

"Four years ago, she had the worst breakdown I've seen. She went full-on paranoid, wall-scratching nervous, she was even doubting me and my motives to be there. It was a very difficult week, and she left the house and went to her mom's house in the middle of the night."

"Eventually, her therapist was able to get a hold of her and get her back to her senses. Her doctor then suggested that I also should go to a counselor or at the very least we should do couples therapy so we had strong bases for our relationship and we did."

"I now look back and won't change her for anything in the world, she has grown so much, and she glows right now. I now see her smile and it's glorious. She's achieved a great position too and it's amazing just to see how much happier she looks."

- Spiritual-Narwhal666

Not a Match

"I fixed what I wanted to fix, but that still didn't make us right for each other. In the end, I think she's in a much happier place than she could have been, so I think it was worth the time invested."

"We were wrong for each other, but at least we both came out better positioned to receive the happiness that would come to us later."

- MrWeb20

In Their Nature

"A couple of months into the relationship, I fixed him."

"After some irritation, he stopped peeing on the carpet. Now, my cat still brings mice, but I guess, that's just his nature."

- mobileJay77

The Importance of Boundaries

"I don't know if I would say that I 'fixed' her (and I wasn’t trying to), but I definitely taught my last ex the importance of being able to set boundaries and to stop going out of her way to please people who consistently hurt her."

"Eventually this would lead to us breaking up, but I have no regrets. I have issues of my own that were wearing her down and she did what she had to. Same rules apply. We’re both better off because of it."

- TylerTexas10

Happily Ever After

"She fixed herself and I fixed myself with each other's support, and we are living happily ever after, it seems, with ongoing work on ourselves and our relationship."

- DonPronote

An Uncommon Ending

"I didn’t fix them. But I tried my hardest to be patient and supportive while they fixed themself. Sometimes I was better at support than other times. Sometimes they were better at fixing than other times."

"It ended up being worth the patience. Things have been great with us for years now. I know this isn’t the normal outcome though, and I feel incredibly lucky."

- I_Invented_Frysauce

A Little Help from Our Friends

"Usually I'm the one people try to fix.. I think the repeated attempts definitely helped me. Now my current partner gets to enjoy the previous hard work."

"...I think I just got tired of hurting the people who love me and fixed myself, though."

- addrien

All Their Idea

"You can't fix anyone. You can only fix yourself, but if you really want to try and fix someone, you have to make it seem like it's their idea."

- BuhrZap

A Helping Hand

"I don't think you can fix anyone. You can only help them fix themselves, which is very different."

"If someone is actively trying to fix themselves, and you can actually be the person to support them through it, then it can work, but it could also not work."

"I do think there should be a distinction between the two. I mean, trying to fix someone is a bad idea, but if you like someone and are willing to support them in their journey to fix themselves, it's probably not the worst idea in the world."

- brooksie1131

Lesson Learned

"It went so well that they managed to cure me of the desire to 'fix' anybody."

"I’ll toss you a life preserver if you’re trying to save yourself. But I’m not jumping in the water with anyone so they can drown me on their way out."

"People who need to hit rock bottom in order to better themselves will use you to soften their landing if you let them."

- GlobalPermit5428

Best Friends Forever

"It went well but it didn’t work out."

"So we kind of fixed each other we were both at very weird points in our lives and we only dated for about one and a half years. We didn’t need a romantic partner but we did need a friend in each other."

"We’re both in better places now and the best of friends. We both want each other to be part of our lives just not as lovers."

"All and all, I say we got the best outcomes in our lives."


So Worth the Investment

"He was an Uber driver with only a high school diploma."

"I married him anyways and bankrolled his education because he was fun as f**k to be around, was the smartest person I’ve ever met, and loves me like I’m the only woman on Earth."

"Now, he’s a computer engineer and we are landlords together and have bought investment properties. We are very happy together."

"Partners work together to create success. I think selfish people ask, 'what’s in it for me?' Marriage is about selflessness."

"I’m glad I sacrificed for his education. His mind would be wasted otherwise and he’s a genius."

- BabyElephantWalks

In most of these cases, the situation went poorly after a Redditor tried to change someone, and for good reason. If that person isn't ready or doesn't want to be fixed, it's only going to damage the relationship.

There's also something to be said about unconditional love. If you don't want to date the person exactly as who they are right now, why are you even trying to date them?

If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.

To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at

Guy at the gym
Anastase Maragos/Unsplash

Tough guys put on a facade that indicates to others that they always know what's going on.

But their confidence doesn't always match their intellect, which is probably why they cover their insecurities by walking around and trying to show everyone who's really the boss.

If that's the case, they should keep their mouths shut because not everything that comes out of their mouth needs to be heard.

Yet, it can be amusing to everyone else.

Curious to hear examples of these, Redditor PrototypeShadowBlitz asked:

"Reddit, what is the stupidest thing you've heard from the 'alpha male' community?"

You might find these guys at a bar.

The Dude Must Be Hungry

"Had a run in once with a group of young lads about something in a bar and one of them said we are top of the food chain bro and you will be the prey."

– insertitherenow

"'Whatever, mall ninja" -proper response."

– TheEighthLord

If The Shoe Fits

"That they were an alpha male."

– I_Have_A_Name37654

"The use of 'Alpha Male,' unironically is every indication that you're dealing with a child's understanding of manhood."

– 88Dubs

Brat Pack

"Me and my bros are all alpha males."

– SonOfDadOfSam

"I was skiing one time and rode the lift with a guy that said, 'I don't feel no pain. I live with 5 roommates and none of us feel any pain.' Okay, bud. That's a really interesting coincidence."

– NicPizzaLatte

They sure thrive on making sexist comments.

Contagious Femininity

"A coworker said, 'I don't spend too much time with my girlfriend because I'll become too feminine.'"

– Lazy_Natural6154


– aliebabadegrote

Sexist Categorization

"I have been called a beta for saying that my wife makes more money than I do. She works in a more lucrative field and is more educated than I am, so it makes perfect sense that she makes more than I do."

"So I came back, and this post has really blown up. There's just a few things I want to clarify."

"1- I have only ever been called a beta online."

"2- I work full-time in project management. I have a master's degree. I have a 6 figure salary."

"3- My wife has a PhD and works in finance. She also has a 6 figure salary, it's just a higher salary than my own."

"4- I'm sorry to anyone who might feel as though my original post misled them."

– ExaminationDouble240

It's Teamwork

"A real man would be proud of his wife for achieving success, and not fall for that sort of insecure bullsh*t."

"It's not a contest, that's the real joke here. Good on you for seeing the big picture."

– Mrbeardoesthethings

Do these roles about parenting sound familiar?

Childish Things Are Too Girly

"Real men don't take their kids trick or treating is one that I heard recently."

– constructionguy89

"Related. Guys who brag about not changing diapers, not playing 'girly' games, etc. Essentially guys who brag that their only contribution to fatherhood is money and masculine things like fishing or football. Even then some of them brag about not paying a lot of child support to prove they didn't let the system take advantage of them."

"I can't imagine a life so empty my only accomplishment worth bragging about was being a terrible parent."

– Green7000

This Woman's Work

"I was told that taking care of my kids is woman's work. Apparently it's concerning that I try to spend so much of my free time with them. Oddly enough the meatheads at my grappling club think it's sweet I occasionally have my daughters' hair clips on and nails painted."

– MrFunktasticc

People discussed rules in the bedroom.

Never Submissive

"That a man is turned off when their wife/girlfriend seduces them, because if she wants sex and shows it she is a sl*t, also making the man the submissive one…"

– kamalaophelia

Stifling Emotions

"Not the whole community, but was cuddling with a guy once and could tell he was trying not to get emotional over something that was bothering him. He said, quite literally, 'it's not alpha male behaviour.' I told him that I liked that he showed emotions sometimes, and he looked disgusted by the fact that I pointed it out."

– LambLifts

In high school, a classmate who was on the football team said I was a "sissy" for listening to classical music.

The other classmates laughed at me, which was hardly surprising since all of the guys on our unbeatable football team were considered stars on campus.

This kind of mockery was a typical day for me.

I can laugh at their idiotic comments now but back then, I don't know why I ever let them get under my skin.

Man standing behind large flowers
Quinn Buffing on Unsplash

We've all done things, or in some cases, regularly do things that others might consider weird.

Even so, we often feel no shame or embarrassment and embrace how unusual these habits are, and take our friends teasing or laughing at us for doing so in stride.

Sometimes, however, we might not like to advertise some of our unusual habits or actions and make every effort to keep them a well-guarded secret.

As raised eyebrows are much easier to take than blatant judgment from friends and peers.

Redditor Key_Nectarine_1969 was curious to hear all the weird things people have done which they still keep under lock and key, leading them to ask:

"What’s the weirdest thing you’ve done that you could only tell people anonymously?"

The Devil [Dogs] Is In The Detail...

"All throughout middle school, there was someone who tucked unwrapped Hostess Devil Dogs into the toilet paper dispensers in the bathrooms, so that when you pulled some toilet paper out, the devil dog would fall out into your hand."

"We had to have an assembly about it."

"That person... Was me."- bejeweled_sky

Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time

"Was drunk at an escape room with coworkers."

"It was an extreme one where you are handcuffed the entire time."

"I decided in my drunken state that it would be bada** to dislocated my thumb and slip off the cuffs like the movies."

"It wasn't."

"We got kicked out, my coworkers were weirded out and I had to go to the hospital."

"I quit a few weeks later."

"White collar wasn't for me."- Grotesque-penguin

The Bread Of Heaven

"Stole over 1,000 wafers from church because I really liked the communion wafers & didn’t know where else to get them."

"I felt really blessed & cursed for a long time."- hALLIEcinate

catholic the exorcist GIFGiphy

Retracing Steps...

"Once I got off the subway in NYC and I was super early for an appointment."

"So I picked a random guy and just followed him on foot for like 30 minutes, pretending I was like a private detective or something."

"Always kept about a half block behind."

"He turned this way and that, and eventually went into a building I had lived in 9 years earlier."

"It was weird, and so was I."- OKsurewhynotyep

Hygeine Be Damned...

"I found a dead rat in a field when i was younger and kissed it bc I wanted to say goodbye."- qeleia

exercise push up GIFGiphy

Bad Decisions Have A Way Of Getting Back To You...

"We got super drunk and ate a ton of spicy food in New Orleans."

"Back at the B&B, the food started to come out the back side."

"I was sitting on the toilet sh*tting bricks of fire."

"At that moment, the booze decided to hang a u-turn."

"The trash can was out of reach and I couldn't risk standing up from the toilet for even 5 seconds."

"The closest receptacle was the bathtub."

"I managed to turn in such a way that I could keep shi*ting in the toilet while projectile vomiting into the tub."

"Both ended up clogged, and there was no plunger."

"I had to call the owner to explain that I had destroyed both their toilet and their tub simultaneously."- HoopOnPoop

Things Best Left To Professionals...

"My partner is weirdly prone to cysts."

"I had to drain a 3 inch cyst on her back (thankfully she had a dr's appt the next week), then multiple other little cysts on her legs and chest."

"I never told her to her face but that first giant cyst literally haunted me, the amount of pus and blood I saw....good heavens."- SleepyBiologist

uruguay spot GIF by sargentoPezGiphy

At Least A Lesson Was Learned...

"When I was walking to school one morning, I saw a kid (7-8 yo?) kicking a dog."

"I ran over & kicked the kid and asked him how it felt."

"He ran off and no one saw."

"Still not sorry."- sneezyailurophile

All Creatures Deserve Love

"I was extremely socially isolated as a child and tried to make friends with the coyotes who lived in the woods by our home."

'I caught one in a snare and fed and kept her."

"I wanted a friend."- letthetreeburn

That's What Friends Are For...

"My wife and her best friend pick me up from a frat party black out drunk."

"Then they helped me take a sh*t on the toilet, wiped my a** and then gave me a shower and put me to bed naked."

"Don’t remember any of it."- nc3100

Party Love GIF by Chris CiminoGiphy

Not The Right Kind Of Manure...

"One time I went outside at like 2AM and put the garden hose nozzle into my butthole and sprayed some water into it, then farted it out onto the lawn."

"Basically gave myself an enema with a garden hose."

"I did this because I was bored."

"My neighbour saw me and told my dad (lived at home at the time)."- WaspsInMyGoatse

A Little Fantasy Now And Then...

"When I was younger I joined an international dating site that I figured was a scam."

"Put a black square as my picture and gave myself a fake name, and then looked through their users."

"And after about 10 minutes I had like a 100 messages."

"Most of them were messages telling me how handsome I was or how these women fell in love with me at first site."

"Now I knew it was a scam but when ever I felt down or got rejected for a while I would pop back on the site and read a few messages."

'Yeah it’s kinda cringy and probably pathetic but it made me feel better."

"I would just turn off that logical part of my brain that knew it was a scam for awhile and just pretend I was this popular and desirable guy."

"And it honestly got me through the day sometimes."- Demonking3343

dating app GIFGiphy

If anyone says they've never done anything they're ashamed, or at the very least less-than-proud of, in all likelihood, they are lying.

Or, more likely, they understandably want to pretend that it never happened.

Which might be a little easier than harboring a secret.