If you're looking at Hollywood, mating is a delicate dance full of romance. But in the animal kingdom, anything goes. Here are some insane mating habits from our fellow members of the animal kingdom that are almost too shocking to believe!
1/19. Ever heard of the sport fencing? Well flatworms take this to a whole new level! Mating rituals with flatworms are combination of both fighting and sex.
Flatworms are hermaphrodites; meaning they have both male and female sexual organs. However, during sex, neither wants to be the female. Why?
Females have to bear children - a task that has a huge energy cost.
So what do two flatworms do when they decide to mate? They expose their double-pronged penises and fight! Both try to stab the other with their members. The loser gets inseminated through the skin, now a mother-to-be.
2/19. Time to put an interesting twist on the story of 'Finding Nemo'.
Clownfish live in schools of only males with the exception of one large, dominant female. Only the dominant male of the colony mates with the female.
Here's the twist clownfish are something called sequential hermaphrodites. That means clownfish can switch sexes throughout their life history! All clownfish are born male, but if the dominant female dies, the dominant male of the group with start eating more, growing in size and becomes the new dominant female.
Sorry Nemo, your father is actually your mother!
3/19. Dolphins are loved for their astonishing intelligence and friendly manner. But as it turns out they're also sexual deviants.
Male dolphins are super sexually charged and can mate multiple times every single day. This means that male dolphins are rarely satisfied you might even catch one humping a turtle or piece of coral reef!
But for all his fancy sexual tricks, the male dolphin only lasts an average of 12 seconds. Not such a stud after all!
4/19. In the hyena world, females rule. Not only are they larger and stronger than the males, but also much more aggressive.
Their claim to fame is an enlarged clitoris, known as a pseudopenis, which can be erected at will. In order for males to mate with this formidable creature, they have to insert their own penis into the females pseudopenis.
5/19. See that honey bee flying around lazily, looking for pollen from a flower? You may associate that little guy with honey, but now you add exploding genitals to the list! The virgin queen goes on her first mating flight with a dozen or so drones (male bees), all of which want to mate with her. Then, as the lucky fellas go to mate with the queen, their genitals snap right off inside of her!
May seem gruesome, but in the evolutionary sense it's a plus because the broken off sexual organ provides as a genital plug. This stops others from successfully mating with the queen.
Unfortunately for the male drones who had an exploding incident, they die shortly afterwards. Rough, huh?
More insane animal mating rituals on the next page!
6/19. What's the best way to emerge from hibernation at the end of a long season? An orgy, of course!
Female red-sided garter snakes release a pheromone that causes all the male red-sided garters to come "running", wriggling around her until they become one big clump, known as a mating ball.
Red-sided garters are the original swingers!
7/19. Ah, giraffes! The majestic creatures of the African savannah. As it turns out, these long-necked animals have some very strange mating habits. First, males face off to fight for the chance to mate with a female. They engage in practice known as "necking", where they 'joust' with their necks. Afterwards this tiring process, the two males mate with each other! Love is love, am I right?
Next, the victorious male goes over to the female giraffe and nudges her backside, prompting her to pee. He then takes a mouthful of her urine to determine if she's in heat (fertile). If this lucky lady is ready to make babies, he'll follow her around until she's ready to mate.
8/19. Mating can be a waiting game, and on the top of that game is the Galapagos Giant Tortoise. It takes 40 YEARS for one of these guys to reach sexual maturity.
No wonder they're raring to get going! Males compete over females by comparing neck sizes the one with the longest neck wins. Mating can then last up hours, so excited to be finally having the chance to get down and dirty.
As they say, "slow and steady wins the race"!
Males that lose competition for the female can be found frustratedly humping a rock or another male giant tortoise.
9/19. Stabbing your mate may help with your reproductive success? Turns out the common Garden Snail lives it's life by this rule.
Prior to mating, garden snails engage in an elaborate dance that can last up to 6 hours. Then, as the dance comes to an end, the hermaphroditic slugs move their genital pores as close as possible to each other and... fire a huge calcified dart into the other snail! Named "love darts", these arrow-like projectiles are thought to increase the chance of the snail's sperm survival after mating.
Mating can be a dangerous game, especially if you're a little garden snail!
More insane mating habits from the animal kingdom on the next page!
10/19. It's hard to live the sweet life when you're a male anglerfish.
Already terrifying creatures (as shown below), anglerfish females are multiple times the size of male anglers. Not only that, but finding a mate is crucial for the male, as he will die without a female host.
When a male angler does comes across a female, he bites into her side, mouth fusing to her skin, where he essentially becomes a sperm sac for her to use at will. The male depends on the female for nutrients for the rest of his sexual parasitic life.
Talk about a clinger!
11/19. The female North American porcupine has an extremely low libido except for a period of 8-12 hours every year. When she's feelin' in the mood, she releases this odour in her urine that attracts male porcupine.
Excited males then must fight each other for the chance to mate with her. Then, the victor decides to go ahead and show his affection for the female porcupine by... spraying pee all over her!
If she's receptive, she'll force the male to mate with her mutliple times, or find another male if her current beau gets too tired.
12/19. The Magnificent Frigatebirds are large seabirds that are completely black with the exception of a large red spot under their throat. While trying to attract a cute female frigatebird during mating season, males inflate their red throat pouches into a huge red balloon a process which can take up to 20 minutes. The male with the largest and shiniest throat is the most desirable.
Then, waggle their heads back and forth while shaking his wings and squawking, they try and get the ladies' attention. If successful, after mating the male in an attempt to keep his lady from checking out other large throated males in the colony he covers her eyes with his wing.
Cute!
13/19. Giant pandas are one of the most popular animals on the planet they're just so dang adorable! The only thing that beats out their extremely level of cuteness is their extreme level of laziness.
What contributes to giant panda's giant sense of laziness is having very little excess energy at their disposal. Although carnivorous in nature, 99% of their diet consists of bamboo, meaning that these cuddly idiots need to be constantly eating to gain enough energy of their massive form. Along with this and the stressors of being in captivity, giant pandas don't mate in captivity.
To get pandas in the mood, zoos have started showing these cute bears some x-rated panda porn with good results! Recently, there have been a number of breeding successes of giant pandas in captivity.
More hilarious and shocking mating habits on the next page!
14/19. Looking for a bit of romance in your life? Well look no further than oneof the most romantic animals on the planet the red velvet mite!
Males leave a little sac of sperm called a spermatophore on a leave or twig. Then, using a strand of woven silk, he creates an intricate path for the female to follow, leading to the sperm.
These paths are like little pieces of art, and the female will follow the trail of the"artist" she likes best!
15/19. A sure fire way to impress a lady is to have a sweet pad. Bowerbirds are no exception to this rule.
Male bowerbirds construct elaborate nests to attract their mate. Collecting colorful flowers, rocks and sometimes even garbage, they create a beautiful oasis for the perspective females.
These guys are the original interior decorators!
16/19. Ever thought, "hey, sex could be way more exciting."? Well argonauts (a type of octopus) would have to disagree.
Males are much smaller than the females of the same species. They only really have one chance to reproduce so they have to do it right! Filling one of their tentacles with sperm, the male inserts it into the female then it detaches.
Yep, the male leaves the tentacle inside the female! Guess the much larger females are just too intimidating for the tiny males to handle.
17/19. Trying to find a partner can be such an annoying process. Well the whiptail lizard has completely removed that from the equation all whiptails are female!
That's right, there's no sex in creating offspring, it all happens asexually. Therefore, essentially all whiptail lizards are clones of their mother!
Reproduction may not include sex exactly, but in order to stimulate egg production, females take turns mounting each other.
Girl power!
18/19. We've all heard the phrase "size matters". Well this especially holds true for the banana slug. Although all of these hermaphroditic slugs are well endowed with appendages as long as their body, if their junk is not similar size to the body of their partner, it will become stuck!
And once their stuck, the most common way for them to get free is by their angry partner chewing their genitals off.
Better safe than sorry, fellas.
19/19. Humans.
Yes, us. With all of the odd online dating rituals and complex flirting practices, any alien race stopping by would certainly say "WTF".
Sources:
When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
Money Burn GIF by nog
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.
For many childhood memories are overrun by living nightmares.
Yes, children are resilient, but that doesn't mean that the things we see as babes don't follow us forever.
The horrors of the world are no stranger to the young.
Redditor -2sweetcaramel- wanted to see who was willing to share about the worst things we've seen as kids, so they asked:
"What’s the creepiest thing you saw as a kid?"
Serious Danger
"Me and my best friend would explore the drainage tunnels under the Vegas area where we grew up. These were miles long and it was always really cool down there so it was a good way to escape the heat of our scorching hot summers. We went into this one that goes under the Fiesta casino and found a camp with a bunch of homeless people."
"Mind you we are like 11 years old lol. And we just kept going like it was nothing. It wasn’t scary then but when I look back at it we could have been in some serious danger. Our parents had no idea we did this or where we were and we had no cellphones. We could have been kidnapped and never have been found."
oofboof2020
Waiting for Food
"I was at a portillos once when I was 12 and I was waiting with my little brother at a booth while my parents got our food. This guy was standing with his tray kind of watching me then after a couple of minutes he started to walk over really fast not breaking eye contact with me."
"He was 2 feet from the table and my dad came out of nowhere and scared the s**t out of him. He looked so surprised and just said he wanted to see if I’d get scared or not. He left his tray full of food near the door and left. My folks reported him but we never went to that location again since we found a better one closer to home."
nowhereboy1964
Captain Hobo to the Rescue
"When I was a pretty young teen, my friends and I were horsing around in San Francisco and started hanging out to smoke with some homeless guys. Another homeless dude came up and began aggressively trying to shake us down for anything (money, smokes, a ride, drugs- all of it) and wouldn’t take no for an answer."
"We got in over our heads and could tell this guy was now riling the other 2 guys up and they were acting like they wanted to jump us. Some grandfather-looking old homeless man appeared out of nowhere and yelled at us to get the f**k out of here- nice kids like us don’t belong down here at this hour!!"
"Captain Hobo saved our lives that night. My parents sincerely thought we were at a mall all day lol."
FartAttack911
Survival
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"I was 7 and survived the 2004 tsunami in Thailand. Witnessed the wave rise way above the already massive palm trees (approx. 40ft?) and my family and I watched/heard the wave crash into the ground from a rooftop."
faithfulpoo
These Tsunami stories are just tragic.
On the Sand
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"We were a group of kids who went to swim in a local lake. And there was a dead body on the beach with their hands raised and their legs bent unnaturally that local police just took out of the same lake. I've never put my foot in these waters again."
oyloff
Be Clever
"I was walking to school and I was about 5 or 6 years old and some guy pulled up beside me in his car and asked if I would get in. He also offered me sweets to do so. I said no. The creepy bit was when he calmly said ‘clever boy’ to me, then drove off. I’ve never even told my parents or anyone else about this as it would most likely freak them out."
OstneyPiz
Bad Jokes
"Dad's side of the family pranked me by burying a fake body on our back property and had me dig it up to find valuables. Was only allowed to use a lantern for light. They stuffed old clothes with chicken bones. Sheetrock mud where the head was... Random fake jewelry as the treasures... I was like maybe 10 or 11.. I remember digging up the boot first and started gagging because it became real at that point."
Alegan239
YOU
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"Woke up to find my little brother staring at me in the dark, asking, Are you really you?"
PrettyLola2004
Siblings can really be a bunch of creepers.
No one should talk to others in the dark though.
