Why do people act like they're constantly in a public library? When you use your outside voice you do realize... YOU'RE OUTSIDE?! I want you to be you and be free but some conversations and thoughts are only suitable for the private crowd. For the love of God... just think before you speak!
Redditor u/tomyboy-973211 wanted us all to share the craziest things we've all heard by wondering.... What's the stupidest thing you've heard a person say aloud in public?
Waiter! Check!
GiphyA customer at a restaurant, after asking for a vegan menu and staring at it for 10 minutes asking; 'Why don't you have any chicken dishes on the menu?"
Followed up with 'What animal is a ham?' Ezzinie
Don't be cattle....
I grew up on a cattle farm. A woman about 15 years older than me (I was 16) asked me "after you cut off the meat from the cow, how long until it grows back so you can cut more?" I wish so badly that she was f***ing with me.
She was not. mycatsnameisrosie
The DMV is a place of the Devil...
I went to college in a small town and every Thursday they would have a mobile DMV. When I had to get my license renewed they were having trouble with the internet. The woman in charge instructed the other woman working there to "shake out all the wires because sometimes the information gets clogged up in them." _therewolf
Hola Mexico!
Shortly after 9/11 my wife and I were in the UK. On the way home, the customs officer at the airport was dead serious.
Officer: Are you a US citizen?
Wife: Yes.
Officer: It says here you were born in New Mexico. So when did you become a US Citizen?
Wife: At birth. New Mexico is in the US.
Officer: No it isn't. It's in Mexico. That's why it has Mexico in the name.
Umm... soaklord
Gandolf Save Us!
GiphyWas leaving the theater after having watched Fellowship of the Ring, overheard a guy tell his friend "I don't get it, how come it ended just like that?" and the friend replied "Tolkien wrote the 3rd already but he's still working on the second." coturnixxx
Lukewarm Please...
Maybe haven't heard but the first time I purchased a coffee at a Starbucks the Barista asked me if I wanted it HOT or COLD. I said, Whats the Difference. She looked and me and just said, HOT... Or Cold... Uckster
It's for The Birds!
Not me but my Dad has heard:
"I set out all these bird feeders and bird baths but not one bird comes to my yard. I bet it is all those pesticides that crop duster is laying down in the field" -- local school board member, as they were standing in her 5 acre yard with 20 or more cats running around. CTeam19
Simmer Down Now!
Traveling back from Berlin to the UK, I was sat next to a couple whose conversation had me wondering if I was being secretly recorded...
Woman to her husband, "I wish we had managed to get to the beach and the seaside in Berlin, it looks so lovely from up here..."
.. "Do you think we'll go over the channel on the way home. I'd prefer to go around and travel over land all the way..."
... "Is this Snowdon we're going over now?" (We're descending into Manchester.)
.. "I think this is the same cloud we went through on our way out... " SirThunderfalcon
3D IS real life!
Saw Avatar in the theater and as everyone was walking out, a random lady we passed said, out loud, and very seriously, "I wish real life was in 3D." Never have I laughed so hard inside. SumKallMeTIM
Oh Hospitality Days! Kill Me!
GiphyDuring my stint in hospitality:
- is that the ocean? I wanted ocean view - it looks like a lake. (Nope that is the Pacific Ocean but hey take a big drink if your not sure)
- guest called down at midnight annoyed as hell - demanded we turn off the fog horn. While she found it nice for ambiance during dinner now at 2 am it's annoying. (Sure we can. Just don't mind the giant tanker that may or may not crash into your room)
- can you hold the sunset tonight? I need good pictures for my Facebook. (Ummmm sure? I thought she was kidding - nope dead serious) quickpeek81
"Chickens are not animals, they poop eggs."
Said a friend who was trying to explain how she can eat poultry AND be vegan at the same time.
Edit for the people who want to give her the benefit of the doubt: this woman is 24 years old today and I've known her for 10 years (we went to high school together). I once had to convince this woman that she is in fact 22, not 21. She thought she was 21 and it took me and a team of 4 other people and her ID to prove to her mathematically that she is 22 years of age. brtrobs
Crikey!
GiphyWent on a date and was trying get to know this girl.
Me: what kind of food is your favorite?
Girl: uhm.. I really like Australian food.
Me: haha yeah like throw another shrimp on the barbie haha...
Girl: no like real Australian food like they have at the Outback.
Girl genuinely thought the restaurant the Outback Steakhouse was Australian food. ron4040
Get out of this house!
When I worked in Congress, I frequently gave tours of the Capitol. As I was wrapping up the tour, one of the constituents asked me to explain the the difference between the Capitol and the White House. Ok sure, not everyone is knowledgable about American government. I gave them a quick explanation and figured it would be sufficient. Nope, I was clearly mistaken. I then proceeded to listen to this person loudly proclaim that *I* was incorrect and that "the White House is the same the thing as the Capitol.".................bruh fakephillycheezsteak
"What is the peculiar hygiene habit that you've developed?"
So Nothing Gets Overlooked
"When I shower I slowly rotate in a circle like some type of vertical rotisserie chicken."- RootsRoots55
To Help It Come Out... Maybe?...
"When I sit down to poo, I sort of sit in a way that spreads my cheeks as much as possible."- Myzx
Clean Before You Clean
"I wash my hands in the shower before I touch my face."- plasticIove
Happy Wash Hands GIF by Mecklenburg CountyGiphySurprisingly Overlooked
"I spend an extra minute in every shower making sure I thoroughly clean my feet."
"Not weird to clean feet."
"But definitely weird to remind myself every day 'gotta wash them trotters'."- ingoodtime23
Don't Overlook The Hard To Reach Places
"I see a lot of elderly people in the hospital.'
"99% have toenail fungus."
"I keep anti-fungal shampoo in the shower next to a toothbrush and scrub my nails and in-between my toes every morning."- Resilient_bookworm
Nothing Says You Can't Have Fun In The Shower...
"More of a fun one, but related to hygiene."
"When in the shower, and I'm lathering up my body with my soap/shower gel, I ensure a nice seal between my arm and body."
"Then I keep my fingertips against my hip and extend my elbow, creating a huge bubble in the gap between my arm and body."
"Then I blow it to see how big a bubble I can blow before it pops."
"Yes I'm a 35 year old man."- Angry_Cornflake
Extra, Extra Dry
"Squeegee myself with my hands in the shower to get most of the water off before I towel dry."- clydeswitch
Wash Up After Cleaning
"After using a sponge or cloth from the kitchen sink, I wash my hands with soap."
"These things are just nasty, imo."- knuckleduster12
A Few Steps Ahead
"Taking showers in the middle of the night."
"I have insomnia and one night I decided, what the hell, I need to shower when I get up anyways, so I'll get it out of the way now."
"Maybe it's placebo, but as soon as I got out of the shower and got into bed I slept like a baby."
"Now if I can't fall asleep or wake up in the middle of the night I'll go take a shower instead of laying in bed trying to force myself to fall asleep."- SunnySilver8
Relaxing Homer Simpson GIFGiphyBeware The Excess Spray
"I try to close the toilet seat lid before flushing because I saw a video once where green 'bacteria' gets shot out of the toilet."- LrckLacroix
Their Expert Hiders
"Full body tick check before bed every night."
"I spend a lot of time in the bush and lyme sucks."- cat_named_virtue
The Proof Is In The Pudding... Flavored Toothpaste
"My friends think it's weird that I time myself brushing my teeth so that I brush for the full 2 minutes."
"Joke's on them though, I have the nicest teeth in the friend group."- selloboy
Brush Colgate GIFGiphy...Seems Kind Of Dangerous...
"I like to shower in complete darkness."
"Turn off the lights, block the bottom of the bathroom door with a towel or my clothes if I have to, maybe put some music on if I'm in the mood, and just have a nice, long, hot shower."
"It's incredibly relaxing, almost like a little nap with how warm it is and all the darkness."- Adventurous-Till2924
Should That Even Matter?
"As a straight guy, washing my a**, apparently."- fromkentucky
It Can Get Out Of Control
"I trim my armpit hair every time I trim my beard."
"It’s like a buzz-cut under there."
"Deodorant is more effective that way."-
One would like to think that everyone follows the most basic rules of personal hygiene without needing to be reminded.
At the end of the day though, what's important is doing whatever puts your mind at rest that you are as clean as it possibly can be.
Still... How can you really tell how clean you are if you shower in the dark?
Redditor Specialist-Crazy1466 wanted to hear which movies we still see in our nightmares, so they asked:
"What is the scariest movie you ever watched?"
Some scary movies give me heart palpitations.
So I try to be picky about the stories I watch.
The Balance
the descent horror GIF by Coolidge Corner TheatreGiphy"The Descent. Horrible monsters mixed with darkness and claustrophobia makes a scary movie."
itsminimal
"I was looking for this movie. Imo this film is the perfect balance between bloody, physical horror and actual psychological terror."
AkiraN19
Too Much
"White Noise. Wasn't scary when I watched it in the theater but became VERY scary when my car stereo only picked up static the whole ride home."
stfupcakes
"Oh damn, that was so good. I worked at a video store in ~1996 or so, and a coworker put it on. I was mesmerized. I later took it home and watched it in the dark, as you should, and damn. That's a masterpiece."
Far_Blueberry_2375
"Took my high school girlfriend to it, and she was in tears she was so scared. Almost 20 years later, and she still freaks out if I bring it up."
Prp076
Chilling
"The Day After... I watched it when I was a kid and it absolutely terrified me. When it originally aired, ABC had to set up a phone hotline with counselors standing by. It's one of the scariest depictions of nuclear war in film in my opinion. Chilling."
scarletmanuka
"I've been thinking about these movies, and how unrealistic they are. We all just survived a pandemic. What happened? Things were bad, tent hospital, turned away, truck morgues. And people just... learned to bake bread. Made music."
"Gave up offices and started doing things for their neighbors. Nuclear war would be obviously, a horrific shitshow and not to be entertained, but I really believe, we'd come together and make a good world after. It wouldn't be the complete collapse of our humanity, and the rest can be rebuilt."
Cheap_Doctor_1994
The Splatter
"The Grudge. I don't know why, but this f**king thing is so scary. I had to pause it. Never had this before. Even the worst splatter is nothing for me, but this... No."
Yggdrafenrir20
"It was when the lady got sucked into the bed when she was hiding under the covers. Like they took away my only defense in the dark as a kid."
Colossus245
"I had the same reaction. Something about it just made my skin crawl in a way that other similar movies like The Ring didn't. For several years afterward whenever I had a nightmare, the grudge lady was somehow involved. Yugh."
JonEleven
Turn it Off
Happy Got You GIF by BounceGiphy"There are definitely better movies, but Sinister has always scared the crap out of me. It took me 2 tries to watch it. It’s the only movie I’ve ever turned off from being so scared."
Cobonmycorn
Never saw Sinister.
And now I know to skip it.
My nightmares are bad enough.
flaming sci-fi GIF by FilmStruckGiphy"The Thing. My first viewing was at night, and I was maybe 5 or 6. It scared me so bad I only watched subsequent viewings during the day until I matured a little more."
Same-Reaction7944
Never Again
“'The Ring' when I was 9 or 10, that was scary."
DelusionalGorilla
"I saw it in my 30s, on pain meds for kidney stones, while my wife and kids were away. The thing that freaked me out the most was that in the middle-end of the film someone called me from an unknown number and hung up."
EnIdiot
"It's the only movie I absolutely refuse to watch ever again. I saw it ONCE as a kid and I'm 30 now. I still have occasional nightmares about it. Sometimes I'll be eating and this movie will pop into my head for NO REASON and I lose my appetite completely. I'm haunted by it."
guiltyonallcharges
Too Much too Handle
"Event Horizon... or maybe Pandorum."
Nulltan
"Worth noting Event Horizon is one of the most famous cases in the lost media community. It had 30 minute cut for being too grim for the test audiences. 30. Minutes. While some scenes did make their way to the 2006 DVD, most of it is considered most likely lost for good barring some miraculous surprise discovery."
"You can read about what was cut at the Lost Media Wiki here: https://lostmediawiki.com/Event_Horizon_(partially_lost_unreleased_130-minute_cut_of_sci-fi_horror_film;_1997)"
Lights On
"The Exorcism of Emily Rose. I kept waking up at 3 am on the money for weeks afterward. Didn’t help that I found and listened to the original tape-recorded material of her speaking fluidly in different languages while being exorcised."
Opening-Ad-3775
"This is it for me. I watched it in theaters when my boyfriend was out of town. I went home and slept with the lights on. I love scary movies and had never done that before or since. I’m going to have to look for those tapes!"
LostintheLand
Wobbled
kathy bates misery GIFGiphy"Misery. My knees were wobbling when I walked out of the theatre. No more Stephen King for me."
suzymwg
"I watched that while dealing with a stalker. Horrible choice."
sethro919
I love scary movies, but some of these sound like a step too far.
Misery still haunts me.
Redditor Tight_Anywhere6794 wanted to hear about the things parents have said in the past that haunts everyone still, so they asked:
"What insult have your parents said, that is stuck in your head as an adult?"
I've been blessed with the mother I had.
So I can't speak from experience.
But I've heard parenting horror stories.
Bad Expressions
Sad Kid GIF by 1tvGiphy“'You’re so annoying.' Said to me as a young kid while I was expressing enthusiasm over some new interest. Later my father complains I never tell him anything."
foppishyyy
Mean Spirited
"What did I do to deserve a fat kid?"
Silosolo
"My parents also mocked me for being fat, and outright physically abused me as in forcefully grabbed my fat child manboobs or slapped me while calling me fat-related names."
"A lot of people at school did it too, so obviously I have a lot of self-image issues like I never let anyone see me without clothes these days. The worst part is that I legitimately internalized a lot of hate, I could never care for myself enough to actually get fit."
FoeWithBenefits
What's My Name?
"My parents divorced when I was young and they hate each other. My mom would call me my dad's name when she was really upset. What makes it worse is that I confided in her that I never wanted to be like my dad. She used that ammunition against me."
Discarded_Pariah
"That's awful. You are your own person. You aren't your father."
blksmnr
Unfunny
"'You can't even laugh right.'"
"My mom in a weird moment I thought we were bonding. There's something inherently extra evil when someone tells you your joy is wrong. Told her I'm engaged and hoped she could at least be happy I'm happy and she ghosted everyone to the point the family thought died. She's a mess."
BlindEditor
"I'll never understand parents that are so hard on their own children that they can't even be happy for them. So their sole function is to bring misery to their offspring?"
macabre_irony
Evil
Oh My God Wow GIF by The Roku ChannelGiphy"My little brother was drowning, I tried to save him but also almost drowned, we got rescued by a neighbor. My mom told me that they should've left me in the pond. I haven't spoken to her in many years."
Ilookbetterthanyou
Good Lord. How do people like this exist?
Tragic.
HIM
"She told me I was acting just like my father when I would get upset. I would just get kinda pissy and sulk. He would go on rampages and scream and hit and throw things. He pushed her down the stairs once. I would never lay a finger on my current partner. The worst part is I look just like him. I was wondering if my mother always expected me to turn into my dad. I prove her wrong every day."
rot_grl
10 Years Old
"When I was ~10 years old, my mum once said 'If I could go back in time and make sure I never gave birth to you, I would in a heartbeat.'"
"Never forgot it. Talked to her about it a couple of times years later and her responses ranged from 'That never happened' to 'Oh yeah and I suppose I’m just the worst mother ever' and finally 'Yeah but I didn’t mean it, you know that.'"
"Messed me up tho tbh. Another one was '[older sibling] was the only child we actually planned for, the rest of you were accidents.' I don’t think it was intended as an insult, but being told your entire existence was an accident as a child kinda stung."
SpiderP*bes
Failures
“'You’re the biggest mistake I ever made.' - my mother when I was 5. I’m 32 now and it’s been the undercurrent for our relationship ever since, constantly wondering if anything I’ve achieved or struggled for is something she’s genuinely proud of or just relieved to say I wasn’t a total failure on her part."
thefaehost
Generational Issues
"Not a parent but a grandparent, I was adopted when I was 12 years old (my parents were both drug addicts so I was in and out of foster care most of my life) my adopted mother's father turned to me on Christmas Eve when no one else was around and said 'My daughter should have never adopted you, she should have let you stay on the streets where you belong'… he got nicer as he got older and sicker but I couldn’t find it in myself to forget what he said even almost 10 years later. Went to the funeral for moral support but was indifferent about his passing."
samweather227
Just Me
Sad Kids GIF by Cian DucrotGiphy"I was an only child and lonely. When I asked for a sibling, the response was 'If you want to know why we don't have more kids, go look in the mirror.'"
Responsible_Fly_3565
Some people should never have children.
Awful.