Why do people act like they're constantly in a public library? When you use your outside voice you do realize... YOU'RE OUTSIDE?! I want you to be you and be free but some conversations and thoughts are only suitable for the private crowd. For the love of God... just think before you speak!

Redditor u/tomyboy-973211 wanted us all to share the craziest things we've all heard by wondering.... What's the stupidest thing you've heard a person say aloud in public?

Waiter! Check!


A customer at a restaurant, after asking for a vegan menu and staring at it for 10 minutes asking; 'Why don't you have any chicken dishes on the menu?"

Followed up with 'What animal is a ham?' Ezzinie

Don't be cattle.... 

I grew up on a cattle farm. A woman about 15 years older than me (I was 16) asked me "after you cut off the meat from the cow, how long until it grows back so you can cut more?" I wish so badly that she was f***ing with me.

She was not. mycatsnameisrosie

The DMV is a place of the Devil... 

I went to college in a small town and every Thursday they would have a mobile DMV. When I had to get my license renewed they were having trouble with the internet. The woman in charge instructed the other woman working there to "shake out all the wires because sometimes the information gets clogged up in them." _therewolf

Hola Mexico! 

Shortly after 9/11 my wife and I were in the UK. On the way home, the customs officer at the airport was dead serious.

Officer: Are you a US citizen?

Wife: Yes.

Officer: It says here you were born in New Mexico. So when did you become a US Citizen?

Wife: At birth. New Mexico is in the US.

Officer: No it isn't. It's in Mexico. That's why it has Mexico in the name.

Umm... soaklord

Gandolf Save Us!


Was leaving the theater after having watched Fellowship of the Ring, overheard a guy tell his friend "I don't get it, how come it ended just like that?" and the friend replied "Tolkien wrote the 3rd already but he's still working on the second." coturnixxx

Lukewarm Please... 

Maybe haven't heard but the first time I purchased a coffee at a Starbucks the Barista asked me if I wanted it HOT or COLD. I said, Whats the Difference. She looked and me and just said, HOT... Or Cold... Uckster

It's for The Birds! 

Not me but my Dad has heard:

"I set out all these bird feeders and bird baths but not one bird comes to my yard. I bet it is all those pesticides that crop duster is laying down in the field" -- local school board member, as they were standing in her 5 acre yard with 20 or more cats running around. CTeam19

Simmer Down Now! 

Traveling back from Berlin to the UK, I was sat next to a couple whose conversation had me wondering if I was being secretly recorded...

Woman to her husband, "I wish we had managed to get to the beach and the seaside in Berlin, it looks so lovely from up here..."

.. "Do you think we'll go over the channel on the way home. I'd prefer to go around and travel over land all the way..."

... "Is this Snowdon we're going over now?" (We're descending into Manchester.)

.. "I think this is the same cloud we went through on our way out... " SirThunderfalcon

3D IS real life! 

Saw Avatar in the theater and as everyone was walking out, a random lady we passed said, out loud, and very seriously, "I wish real life was in 3D." Never have I laughed so hard inside. SumKallMeTIM

Oh Hospitality Days! Kill Me!


During my stint in hospitality:

  • is that the ocean? I wanted ocean view - it looks like a lake. (Nope that is the Pacific Ocean but hey take a big drink if your not sure)
  • guest called down at midnight annoyed as hell - demanded we turn off the fog horn. While she found it nice for ambiance during dinner now at 2 am it's annoying. (Sure we can. Just don't mind the giant tanker that may or may not crash into your room)
  • can you hold the sunset tonight? I need good pictures for my Facebook. (Ummmm sure? I thought she was kidding - nope dead serious) quickpeek81

"Chickens are not animals, they poop eggs."

Said a friend who was trying to explain how she can eat poultry AND be vegan at the same time.

Edit for the people who want to give her the benefit of the doubt: this woman is 24 years old today and I've known her for 10 years (we went to high school together). I once had to convince this woman that she is in fact 22, not 21. She thought she was 21 and it took me and a team of 4 other people and her ID to prove to her mathematically that she is 22 years of age. brtrobs



Went on a date and was trying get to know this girl.

Me: what kind of food is your favorite?

Girl: uhm.. I really like Australian food.

Me: haha yeah like throw another shrimp on the barbie haha...

Girl: no like real Australian food like they have at the Outback.

Girl genuinely thought the restaurant the Outback Steakhouse was Australian food. ron4040

Get out of this house! 

When I worked in Congress, I frequently gave tours of the Capitol. As I was wrapping up the tour, one of the constituents asked me to explain the the difference between the Capitol and the White House. Ok sure, not everyone is knowledgable about American government. I gave them a quick explanation and figured it would be sufficient. Nope, I was clearly mistaken. I then proceeded to listen to this person loudly proclaim that *I* was incorrect and that "the White House is the same the thing as the Capitol.".................bruh fakephillycheezsteak


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I can't imagine doing that. Why?! We truly treat this planet as if we have somewhere else to go.

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