Stunned People Offer Advice To A Woman Whose Been Married 18 Months And Still Never Been Kissed

Stunned People Offer Advice To A Woman Whose Been Married 18 Months And Still Never Been Kissed
[rebelmouse-image 18360554 is_animated_gif=Poor elgintsaha is in quite a dilemma:
I feel needy for wanting to talk about any of this even though I know that there's nothing wrong with letting this off my chest.
We had an arranged marriage (me 25, him 27) almost two years back and now live in his parent's house. His family are lovely.
My husband is a nice person at heart. But he doesn't behave like a husband. We've been together for 18 months and to put bluntly, I want intimacy.
How has it been 18 months and he still hasn't even laid a finger on me. Not even a peck on the cheeks, let alone sleeping together (obviously we sleep in the same bed but we don't actually sleep together).
I want intimacy. I want to feel loved. Please, kiss me. Please, have sex with me. Anything. Why are you like this? I've even tried to make the first move but you turn me away.
What did I do wrong? What would you like me to do? You won't say anything. You don't want to talk about it.
Rather then treating me as your wife, you treat me like I'm a flatmate or something. We never had a honeymoon, we never go out on dates. Why? Why don't you like me?
You're kind, you're funny, you make me laugh, you're smart. You're all of those things.
But why can't you be my husband?
What would you advise her to do? Here was the best advice from Reddit.
One
[rebelmouse-image 18360555 is_animated_gif=My ex was neither gay nor cheating nor asexual, but had serious intimacy issues. He found me attractive but didn't want a physical relationship after the first few months, and couldn't explain why. I suspect it was from childhood trauma that he wasn't acknowledging, even to himself. Maybe it's something like that for your husband. (In which case not even wanting to go to the movies would just be part of keeping you at a safe distance.)
Instead of telling him what you want (again), consider asking him what he wants out of the relationship. If his answer doesn't include becoming a full-fledged couple, and he isn't willing to start taking concrete steps toward that immediately, you'll be doing everyone a favor if you seek an annulment ASAP.
My heart really goes out to you; I know how miserable it feels, and nobody deserves that. The good news is that you can change your life if this one isn't working for you--I did.
I'll be thinking of you. Please update us.
Two
[rebelmouse-image 18345184 is_animated_gif=I don't think he's gay. I think he didn't want to get married and he feels like he has trapped you into being miserable and maybe if you don't consummate the marriage you will still have a fighting chance at happiness someday. Maybe he wanted to marry someone else but his parents didn't approve? Idk. This is all speculation so you should just come right out and ask him. Please update us though.
Three
[rebelmouse-image 18357776 is_animated_gif=It sounds like he doesn't even want to be your friend from this post. Do you guys hang out even non intimately? I'm sorry about him. You deserve intimacy. I'd go crazy if I were forced to marry someone who refused to be intimate
Four
[rebelmouse-image 18360556 is_animated_gif=You guys _NEED to talk about sex. I understand if it makes you uncomfortable, but it's a necessary evil. You're clearly tech-savvy, can you text him? Email? But you've got to get him talking. Can you start? Can you _say that you're feeling ready to start exploring this with him? That you're attracted to him, and want to express yourself and feelings for him *physically? Is your husband inexperienced? He might just be as nervous about all of this as you. At the end of the day, you're going to have to figure out a way to get him to speak candidly with you about your sex life. You guys are in this marriage thing together. You need to be able to trust each other, and communicate with each other. TL;DR: talk to him, (indirectly, if necessary) about this.
Five
[rebelmouse-image 18360557 is_animated_gif=You're husband and wife so I don't think asking him to sit down and have a conversation about this and be honest with one another is too much to ask. Make your desires very clear and ask him to tell you in no uncertain terms why he hasn't sought intimacy and what you can do to change that. You guys need to set clear goals for your future and right now seem to be on very two different paths.
Six
[rebelmouse-image 18360558 is_animated_gif=I'm surprised no one has brought up the fact that you said it's an arranged marriage... can you elaborate more on that? Forgive me, but I don't ever hear of that in the USA. Where are you guys? That's a cultural/religious kind of thing right... arranged marriages? And you live with his parents? Personally I am trying to wrap my mind around having my spouse chosen for me, and then having to just "be attracted" and have sex. I honestly don't mean this to be insensitive, because it sounds like a difficult situation to begin with, but could it be that he's just not really into you?
Seven
[rebelmouse-image 18360559 is_animated_gif=Have you seen him naked? If not could he have a hang up that's keeping him from doing what he really wants to do with you? My wife's brother who is Asian had some serious questions about sex and confidence issues while dating at the age of 30. I was amazed that how much a person could possibly not know about sexuality. Not much advise from me other than it opened my mind to people not being as educated or free about sexuality as me.
Eight
[rebelmouse-image 18360561 is_animated_gif=If he isn't gay, or just not attracted to you, it could be that he was against this marriage and was forced into it by his parents, so now he's protesting it in this way. Or maybe there's a medical reason. Maybe he's asexual. But, that's just what makes sense to me. I'm sorry you're going through this, OP. I hope you can communicate with him and find out what his reasons are and if there's anyway for you guys to be intimate in the near future.
I wouldn't be able to last 18 months in a marriage without any physical intimacy. I wish you luck OP ????
Nine
[rebelmouse-image 18360562 is_animated_gif=This is a little out of left field but....are you sure he knows what to do?
I'm assuming (and forgive me if I'm wrong) that you guys are fairly conservative considering the arranged marriage and living with his family - is it possible he's staying away because he doesn't know how it all works and is embarrassed to ask? Are you close enough with his mom to ask?
Ten
[rebelmouse-image 18360563 is_animated_gif=If you're stuck in this situation then start again. Ask him on a first date. And do little things together and build that intimacy.
Eleven
[rebelmouse-image 18360564 is_animated_gif=I can't speak to what your husband is doing, but what you're going through really sucks. Been there. It can be quite heartbreaking especially if there is complete silence about it. You're not crazy. You have a right to bodily intimacy.
Twelve
[rebelmouse-image 18360565 is_animated_gif=He might be inexperienced and nervous, he might not be attracted to women, he might be insecure about his penis size, or, he might be asexual (just a few ideas). There are tons of reasons he could be avoiding the intimate aspect of your relationship. Do you feel like he loves you? Perhaps the two of you aren't even compatible. I urge you to talk to him about this, it's unhealthy for you two to be on a different page about sex and your marriage. Good luck x
Thirteen
[rebelmouse-image 18360566 is_animated_gif=I'm a 39 year old guy. I've never kissed a girl, never touched a boob, and haven't had sex. To tell the truth I would very likely probably be behaving exactly like this due to having absolutely NO idea what to do, how to do it, and when. And no, it is not happening for me anytime soon. No one wants someone with two disabilities - one permanent, and a second long-term one.
Anyway...perhaps have a discussion with him and explain what to do and how to do it, and ask if he is a virgin? No no, maybe not go to that extent, because it will probably crush his man ego for years if you do. I don't know. It wouldn't crush me. I'd love to have a girl. Oh, well. One problem at a time. Good luck to you.
Fourteen
[rebelmouse-image 18360568 is_animated_gif=I had a neighbor who went through the same. Turned out the guy was gay. Not saying that's the case with your husband. I know it's not fair to you. Also, whichever way this goes, you will have to be kind to him and yourself. I'd urge you to talk to him about this, get him to open up. You can figure out what you want to do if he indeed is gay. People do get pressurized to marry sometimes and sometimes people have body issues or intimacy issues and it's okay. Unless there is a conversation about it, there is no fixing it.
Fifteen
[rebelmouse-image 18360569 is_animated_gif=It probably has nothing to do with wanting you or not wanting you. I understand an arranged marriage is your culture, but sometimes they turn out this way.
You should try to have an honest conversation with him. And asking him why he doesn't want intimacy would be a good place to start. Be prepared though for the answer, you never know what people are thinking and he may not want to tell you for fear of being judged or rejected by you as a friend, etc.
Sixteen
[rebelmouse-image 18360570 is_animated_gif=I am sad for you OP. There's definitely a cultural connotation to your situation that not everyone might be capable of understanding. But it doesn't matter because in any case, your husband's behavior is not normal.
Something is definitely wrong. He's either hiding his sexuality or an affair. It is not fair to you if it's the latter and the situation is not fair to the either of you if it's the former. Or maybe he is impotent? You are a victim in all three scenarios. Now it depends on whether you want a closure from this. If you do, then you need to confront him. He can give you an answer but whether or not he will actually give you one is kinda questionable. This is no time for you to beat about the bush. Confront him in the sternest of terms and you may get an answer. I know it is easier said than done. But you'll have to bring yourselves to do it if you want to know what's wrong.
But if you don't want to know or if you cannot bring yourselves to a confrontation, you can tell him that you want to move on and end this relationship. In one of your replies you said that he was kinda excited to see you change and then expressed shame over being excited for it, it seems like his priorities lie elsewhere. If he wants to go watch a movie by himself when you said that you wanted to watch it with him, his priorities lie elsewhere.
It all comes down to whether you want to know. If you decide to confront him, expect him to lie. People lie all the time. There's no reason for him to tell you what he's been hiding for 18 months. Do not believe everything you hear in that case. In the end, you can tell him that you're leaving him for the lack of intimacy, or you can ask him why the lack of intimacy. It's really your call. Take charge and stand up for yourself. Do not let yourself be treated this way. It is emotional and mental abuse that you're suffering and needless to say, it is extremely unhealthy.
Seventeen
[rebelmouse-image 18360571 is_animated_gif=There's nothing wrong with you wanting sex.
Have you talked to him directly about this? You should. If that doesn't reach any conclusions consider seeing a professional sex therapist. I think you'll both be happier for it.
Eighteen
[rebelmouse-image 18360572 is_animated_gif=Regardless of what could possibly be what is going on with him; You would reallly really really need to have a conversation with him about this to get to the bottom of this. Its likely there is a reason and that it is possibly affecting him personally and he is holding it in or else he wouldve talked to you about it right?
Do you think you could deal with going your whole life not becoming intimate with him or even doing coupley things? It seems like you really desire to be wanted and as time goes on this will get more and more difficult to deal with.
I want to wish you good luck with this in the future and i hope you get the intamacy that you desire.
Nineteen
[rebelmouse-image 18360573 is_animated_gif=You have to talk to this with him. It's gone far too long from what I can see. Maybe he's gay, maybe he has another relationship but nonetheless you must talk about it. I want you to be strong and prepare your feelings. Wanting to go alone to the movie theatre is absolutely outrageous. You guys are so young! You deserve so much more
Twenty
[rebelmouse-image 18360574 is_animated_gif=He's young, at that age, many aren't ready to settle into marriage. Perhaps he thinks that if things become romantic, that would mean the marriage is consummated and you possibly pregnant. Maybe he's not wanting that, maybe his behavior is a form of silent protest. Whatever the underlying issue/s, you two need to have a serious discussion. You may even need to have a few of them. Ask him outright if he wants a divorce. Better to divorce than be in a loveless marriage. Clearly you're quite unhappy and at the very least, he's stressed over it. Try approaching him in a caring manner and talk about it.
And there are just as many grievances for which we are not at all sorry.
Curious to hear about people's track record of their questionable behavior, Redditor NanoPKx asked:
"What is something bad you have done with no regrets?"
Is it petty theft or flat out stealing? You decide.
The Parting Gift
"'Forgetting' to bring back a company ipad after they forgot about me having it. Actually they never asked for it back so I still have it and use it."
– Koetjeka
Furry Companion
"I stole a barn kitten while delivering packages for FedEx. He kept climbing my legs and getting into the van, sitting under the wheel when I tried to back out (it was a steep driveway, no way to swing the van around). I called the number on the package, looked the name up on facebook, called the local non-emergency to get contact info, all failed."
"So I took him. Now, if you're not from a rural environment, you might not understand that barn cats like that are 'no-man's-cats.' For all the owners know, he got sick or got got by a coyote. And he would have died, because when we got him to the vet he had a nasty upper resp infection and some other nasties."
"Now, one deformed nasal passage and the cutest snore later, we have a bonkers little orange cat with the heaviest penchant for snuggling I've ever seen (his name is Monty btw)."
"Edit: I forgot to pay my Cat Tax: https://imgur.com/a/HIXS4us"
"Edit Part 2: Monty loves the attention. Thank you for loving him as much as we do :3"
"MmmmMMMMRrrrrrrrrrrAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW" -Montgomerey Valentine, 2022
– SonOfSkinDealer
The Dirty Treat
"A housemate of mine kept eating mine and my girlfriends food and even though I asked him to stop the only thing he would ever say is 'I thought it was mine' then keep eating it."
"Well I bought my girlfriend some ice cream she really enjoys and she put the half she didn’t finish back in the freezer. Well when she want to get the rest it was gone and it made me madder than I think it probably should have."
"The very next time I saw him and somehow keeping a straight apologetic face I told him how he accidentally ate our sex ice cream and that bits of it had been on our parts etc. I told him I felt guilty not to tell him and that I had to apologise for him to eat such a thing."
"I will never forget the face he made when I told him. A face of pure self disgust and shock to which all he had to say was 'I wish you never told me that' and proceeded to move out around a month later."
"Although he didn’t actually eat sex ice cream, like why the f'k would you put it back after use anyway? Sometimes I wonder if I went to far but in that moment I just did not care at all. He still doesn’t know it isn’t true and I’ll probably never see him again."
"F'k you Vitas buy your own food."
– SpicyDolphin74
Vengeance is sweet.
Payback Time
"A drunk driver hit my parked car, left a huge dent in the front driver’s side door, and then drove away. I happened to be looking out the window at the time and saw the whole thing, including his plate number. Cops got there not long after and took my statement. After a couple days and a couple phone calls, I found out nothing was going to come of it because he was the son of the sheriff the next county over."
"Fast forward a couple months, I see his car parked behind a local bar within walking distance of my apartment. I got out my hunting knife and sliced all four of his tires, and made a couple trips around it destroying the paint job. Yellow Pontiac Sunfire, and I still remember the goddamn plate number even after almost 20 years."
– IgnoreMe304
For The People
"I was a GM for a retailer that was going out of business. During the liquidation I let my employees that worked until the end store product they wanted to buy in a closet I claimed I didn't have a key to. Oh the final days I sold them all the items they requested for 95% off. 70" tvs, ipads, gaming laptops whatever they requested."
– Midnights606
Surreptitious Swap
"Years ago I worked for a wealthy dude who was married to someone semi-famous. He would waltz in every morning and talk about the fantastic dinner he had the night before, how he hung out with some other famous person or whatever else."
"He paid me peanuts. I had a hard time making ends meet."
"I was the office assistant and IT guy. So it comes time to get a new computer for one of the designers. I spec something out, and show it to him. It was a ripper of a machine for the time (early 2000s). But it wasn’t expensive enough for bossman."
"So I added a really high end graphics card. Boss was happy then. The card added nothing for the designer: they only did illustrator and photoshop."
"So I came in that weekend and swapped the graphics card for my aging one from home."
"No one ever knew. Or cared. And I got a new graphics card."
– Dudeinairport
When times are tough, people had to do what it took to survive.
T.P. Crisis
"In college I was so poor I would steal toilet paper from the supply closet in our major building."
– Business_Loquat5658
Hungry College Buddy
"I stood watch for a college friend who was going hungry because he’d been disowned and his roommates had made living with him intolerable after he came out."
"I was loosely affiliated with an off campus program with local churches that gave free student dinners on Thursdays. We would go to church to eat, then bring dishes into the kitchen."
"Anyway, he would go in there and steal stuff like peanut butter, literal bread (not an allegory), granola bars etc. while I watched out for the pastor."
"Eventually we both got caught, the pastor for the college students got a bit mad because he was responsible for us while we were there to eat. And I think it was offensive on some level to steal from church. But then he saw what my friend was taking, and asked him if he had enough to eat. My friend shamefacedly said no, not usually."
“'Okay, fine. Put the food back, and come with me.' Took my friend grocery shopping instead, got him connected with the food pantry and community garden at church instead."
– SchnarchendeSchwein
Based on these examples, people didn't twice about their actions in the heat of the moment.
Within reason, we all gotta somehow get by.
But do you think their actions deserve punishment?
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When a person sees someone they care about going through a struggle or crisis, their instinct is to uplift them with positive advice.
But sometimes, the wisdom imparted by friends isn't always helpful or relevant to the situation.
Curious to hear from strangers online who could do without specific knowledge, Redditor Saibotnl1 asked:
"What life advice can just f'k off?"

These Redditors have a problem with how certain people have on outlook on life.
Time To Rest
"Sleep when you’re dead."
"Cool, but you’re going to be dead a lot sooner."
– Tag2graff
Irrelevant Sadness
"People have it so much worse than you so don’t be sad!"
– notrachelmar
"To that I like to say, 'people have it so much better than you so don't be happy!'"
– ___jupiter____
Your Life Path
"Almost anything relating to what age you must be in order to buy a house, have children, marry, have a profession, or do anything else. Seriously, everyone's life is different from everyone else's. Make your life the way you want it to be. If you so desire. Up to you."
– Frn071
On The Contrary
“Cheaters never prosper”
"Yes, they f'king do."
– waqasnaseem07
People can get out of any situation they find displeasing.
But others feel people should just "stick it out."
Ignoring Bullies
"Just ignore bullys or get someone else to handle it for you. I have never seen this work, only makes it worse. The only effective way I've seen to deal with them is by not making yourself an easy target and make them scared to f'k with you again. If going psycho on their a** is the only thing they'll respond to that's their fault. Also want to add in schools they will punish you for self defense but that punishment is only sitting around a few hours in detention or sitting around at home with a suspension. The punishment is temporary boredom, it's absolutely nothing compared to being bullied and when it's over the important message will still stand that you will not tolerate being a victim."
– User Delted
Remain to be Miserable
"Stick it out"
"Whether that's sh**ty jobs, shi**y relationships, shi**y living situations..."
"By all means don't just give up on things when you face challenges, but if something feels wrong or is wrecking your peace then take some control and change it if you can!"
– petitezoey
"Easy for you to say," might be an auto-response to these suggestions for many people.
Invitation For Recklesslessness
"Live like everyday was your last"
Yall know what people do when they learn they have a single day left to live?"
– LimeGrass619
A Possible Consequence
"I did that as a teenager and ended up homeless and addicted to heroin. Didn’t pan out for me too well."
"19 years sober though today."
– Open-Section-7263
A Practical Approach
"If I knew with certainty that I had one day left, I'd double-check all my financials, my will, and my insurance policies, make sure my wife had all of my passwords and knew where all the money was, spend the rest of the day with her and the kids, then call the medical examiner and ask to lie down on the gurney so that when I die they won't strain their back moving my remains out of my house."
– Asteriad
Nose Stuck In A Book
"Work while they sleep. Study while they party"
"That's not a recipe for success, that's a recipe for a lot of white hairs, burnout syndrome and a stroke before your 40s..."
– Khomuna
Doesn't Apply To Everyone
"Do what you love and money will follow"
"I love walking my dogs and grilling food for my friends but That sh*t doesn't pay the bills as well as my engineering degree!"
– Elons_android
While people's intentions are good, they're better off keeping their two cents in their own pockets.
Not everyone likes to hear platitudes.
Sometimes, people just want to know they're not alone with their problems over listening to unlikely solutions that are nothing more than superficial pick-me-ups.
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Kids start going to school from the age of five, and for the most part, they spend more time at school than at home. Because of that, teachers can become very important figures in the lives of their students.
Some students don't have the best home lives. Some keep it to themselves, but others confide in their teachers.
Curious about various situations, Redditor Delicious_Mastodon83 asked:
"teachers of reddit what is the saddest thing you found out about a student?"
In Need of Parents
"Not a teacher but was a school-based therapist. Had a student (7 -8 y/o) I didn’t know knock on my office door and ask if I’d adopt her and “if you have room, my brother too, but if not, that’s ok, we can be split up. We’re split up now. And I don’t take up space. I just need a sleeping bag”. Broke my heart."
– secretkpr
Heartbreaking, But Industrious
"My mom taught at a school in a bad neighborhood in Chicago in the mid 90’s. There was a second grader that would save his milk and ketchup packers from lunch for his mom so she had something to eat when she got home from work."
– PowerstrokeMe
Big-Hearted Mom
"Not a teacher but a parent with a 9 year old son. Every day I pack extra in my sons lunch because he tells me he has a friend that never has anything to eat. It's winter and my son came home and told me his friend was turning up with shorts and shirt and holes in his shoes. So I sent in a jumper and long pants for him to wear and some slightly used but good condition shoes. I have been up to the school recently and the teacher pulled me aside and thanked me profusely for helping this child. Apparently teachers are not allowed to aid kids they teach here in Australia and they have already reported the issue 3 times to child welfare without results so I was the only one helping this child. The teacher told me before I started sending in more food and clothes, this child would steal others food from their lunches and look through the bins because he was so hungry. They doubt he gets fed at home. So now I make sure to always send an extra lunch and some school clothes/supplies when I can. I can only hope child welfare eventually does something but it breaks my heart."
– spetzie55
Amazing Big Sister
"It was right after winter break and before class started I was just talking with some students and asked if they got anything fun for the holidays. One girl said on no, I don’t ever get presents, my mom is a drug addict. But I went out and got some stuff for my little sister so that she can have a real Christmas."
"She just said it so matter-of-fact. She was so used to being the parent to her little sister that she didn’t even care about her own childhood. It totally broke my heart."
– tonydanzascaulk
The Importance Of Human Affection
"Second hand story from my mom, elementary teacher for 30ish years. She had a hug or a handshake out the door policy, just some small contact and a proper goodbye, and had this young boy who always picked the hug. She wondered why he always went for it, most kids would go back and forth depending on their mood that day, so she asked him why he was always so excited for the end of day hug? His answer, "It's the only one I ever get.""
– needsawholecroissant
Coming Out The Other Side
"Two teenage boys (16/14) with learning disabilities were on my caseload, they never missed school but often ditched class. They were homeless mid-year after they went home from school to find the locks changed, their Mom had abandoned them for a new boyfriend. She didn't leave an address for them to find her."
"*Edit: both eventually dropped out, however a couple of years later the younger brother came back to visit. He and his brother were both working construction, and his brother had gotten married, had a child, and was living with his wife’s family."
"The younger had roommates and was saving for a car. He told me it was a shame I didn’t have kids, because I would make a good Dad."
"People often persevere, even with the odds stacked against them."
– Kursch50
True Parentification
"Not me but my daughter is a teacher, she has lots of stories but one that stands out for me is one of her kindergarten kids saying she was tired and her asking why, the little girl explained that she had been up all night with her mums newborn baby. She did this every night, fed her bottles and everything."
– lb47513343
Luckily, He Was Resilient
"This year I had a 17 year old kid enroll at my school. He was sitting in my math class and I could tell he was struggling. After class I took some extra time to go over a concept with him. I asked him to read the question to me, and he sat there silently. He then looked at me and said “I’m not going to lie to you, I cannot read. I have no idea how to say these words""
"Turned out at age 17 he was illiterate and had been kept out of school by his very religious, controlling parents. Over the past few months he has worked very hard! Now he can finally read at an 8th grade level and he is STILL improving!!"
– User Deleted
A Heroic Teacher
"I worked in an inner city charter school. One of my students (`M10) had a sib (M8) in a lower grade. The mom was there every day in the beginning of the year encouraging them, helping them and generally being very supportive... until a CPS agent spoke to me asking about her behavior. After CPS left things went downhill. The boys showed up late to class even though they lived a half block away from school. When in school both boys were tired from sleeping in the car while their mom "went fishing". She also had two very young girls which she dragged around making the boys take care of them. One day the boys didn't show up and their teacher walked over to the house to find the mom had loaded up the fridge, paid the rent for the month and abandoned them. The teacher (a candidate for sainthood btw) took them in, adopted them and grew them up to be great men."
– mopedarmy
This is really heartbreaking stuff! Luckily, teachers aren't just another adult in your life; they can be your saving grace as well.
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TRIGGER WARNING: This article contains sensitive content about depression and mental health.
As the stigma around mental health lessens (however slowly), people are more forthcoming about the problems they are facing. One of the most common mental health issues is depression.
Depression can affect many different types of people. Factors such as gender, race, nationality, and even age have no bearing on whether someone suffers from depression or not.
According to the World Health Organization (WHO), globally, "...an estimated 3.8% of the population affected, including 5.0% among adults and 5.7% among adults older than 60 years..."
Depression displays in certain patterns, such as mood changes, physical difficulties, and social isolation. However, depression manifests differently in different people and feels different to different people.
Reddit users divulged what depression felt like to them when Redditor iodineseaspray asked:
"What does depression feel like to you?"
Some of this is sure to sound familiar.
The Worst Kind Of Boredom
"Like being more bored than you could imagine but also not wanting to do anything at all, even breathe. So you want to do something, but you can't imagine anything that you would like to do so you're just sort of stuck."
– BuddhistSlater
"So you then spend literally hours staring at a blank wall hating yourself, your life, and everything around you. Well, as much hate as you can summon in the absolutely mentally numb state you find yourself sat in day after day."
– merryman1
Lack Of Motivation and Energy
"Complete lack of motivation."
"Ignoring people that I love, and who are trying to help."
"Just sh*t"
– HatFromStraw
"I feel it extra at work. Letting things slide until you either get into trouble or trying last minute to prevent it."
"Funny those times when I'm working to save my butt, the depression goes away and i feel super focused and motivated."
"I try to carry that energy over but no, it's rinse and repeat."
– ExtraBitterSpecial
Powerful Insecurity
"Insecure about absolutely everything, no hope for the future, dissociation from society and not knowing how to “act” anymore, feeling like I’m not as good at the things I always thought I was good at or that the “talent is wasted on me”, only food cheers me up and sometimes even that doesn’t work"
– tenamonth
Loss Of Creativity
"This. It's like some numb fuzziness you feel in your brain. It's the worst thing ever for an artist who just wants to create but your brain comes up dry with a dense fog that wants to just lie down for a few hours"
– FinnProtoyeen
A Mental Inability To Breathe
"For me, it feels like I’m in a lake with a ball chain tied to my feet, desperately swimming up for air, the only problem is the chain isn’t long enough. I can only get an inch of my head out of the water to breath, and as soon as a high tide comes, the water just floods over me and I feel like I can’t breath again. I live like this, constantly feeling like I’m struggling to breathe, weighed down by my own mind. It’s a struggle and I can’t really describe it in any other way, I’m jealous of people who don’t worry about depression"
– DrowningInBrokeness
"Like suffocating under a heavy cloak"
– kmartfreak
"Like being crushed. Like if the air was crushing my muscles and bones and I can’t breathe because I’m being crushed…"
"Kinda like that."
– Afreshnewsketckbook
Listlessness
"Scrolling thru your steam library. Thinking you want to play something, either not settling on anything or not wanting to put the effort into the game. Going back to the scrolling."
– Aistadar
"It feels like you're forced to play a game of Monopoly (represents life) and your just rolling the dice to appease everyone but you genuinely don't care about where you go, where you land, what you pick up, what you pay, what you gain."
"You kind of just watch it happen without interest and while people are cheering or oh no-ing for you, you genuinely don't care. Everyone is a piece on this board that hardly matters and you feel like we're all just running in a circle over and over again and it's boring and disinteresting as hell."
"You lose all curiosity for everything and just let everything happen and pass by you. No motivation, hardly any love, hardly any care. Feels like the world is in black and white and your waiting for the game to end became it's so absolutely boring and disinteresting, but it never does."
"You come to resent the game and eventually hate it because it feels like you're being forced to play it and suffer it's consequences when you never asked to play it in the first place."
"That's what depression felt like for me. Since then I've been medicated and recieved therapy. I'm doing a lot better now and I don't feel this way anymore, thankfully."
- KnlghtLlghts
A Relation To Fantasy
"You know that scene in the Lord of the Rings where Bilbo is describing to Galndalf what having the Ring all those years felt like? "I feel thin. Like too much jam spread over too much bread." That's honestly the best way I've seen to describe it."
– Electrical_Age_336
"I always say the closest thing to compare it to is a dementor in harry potter. It sucks every ounce of happiness out of you until there is only darkness left."
"Side note: chocolate always helps"
– sunfacer
Fear Of Lack Of Justification
"Like someone close to you died yesterday. Expect no one has, and nothing has happened to justify how you feel."
– AlterEdward
A Physical Pain
"Physical pain in my heart, will start crying just by attending to the physical sensation in my body."
– sagieday
Help Yourself
"I've always described it as having a shadow fixed to your brain which fuels things like indecision and negativity. You can do things to temporarily help but you can't truly shift it. Previous normality is forgotten. But it's amazing how much you can mask it."
"I found I didn't realise how bad I was until I started to get better"
"For anyone suffering with depression. Please, please speak to someone. Best thing I ever did"
– DavosLostFingers
Depression isn't something you can just deal with or get over. Learning to cope is not easy. However, as Redditor DavosLostFingers pointed out, talking to someone can literally save your life.
If you or anyone you know is struggling with depression, contact the American Psychological Association by phone at 800.374.2721 or 202.336.5500.
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