Stunned People Offer Advice To A Woman Whose Been Married 18 Months And Still Never Been Kissed
Poor elgintsaha is in quite a dilemma:
I feel needy for wanting to talk about any of this even though I know that there's nothing wrong with letting this off my chest.
We had an arranged marriage (me 25, him 27) almost two years back and now live in his parent's house. His family are lovely.
My husband is a nice person at heart. But he doesn't behave like a husband. We've been together for 18 months and to put bluntly, I want intimacy.
How has it been 18 months and he still hasn't even laid a finger on me. Not even a peck on the cheeks, let alone sleeping together (obviously we sleep in the same bed but we don't actually sleep together).
I want intimacy. I want to feel loved. Please, kiss me. Please, have sex with me. Anything. Why are you like this? I've even tried to make the first move but you turn me away.
What did I do wrong? What would you like me to do? You won't say anything. You don't want to talk about it.
Rather then treating me as your wife, you treat me like I'm a flatmate or something. We never had a honeymoon, we never go out on dates. Why? Why don't you like me?
You're kind, you're funny, you make me laugh, you're smart. You're all of those things.
But why can't you be my husband?
What would you advise her to do? Here was the best advice from Reddit.
My ex was neither gay nor cheating nor asexual, but had serious intimacy issues. He found me attractive but didn't want a physical relationship after the first few months, and couldn't explain why. I suspect it was from childhood trauma that he wasn't acknowledging, even to himself. Maybe it's something like that for your husband. (In which case not even wanting to go to the movies would just be part of keeping you at a safe distance.)
Instead of telling him what you want (again), consider asking him what he wants out of the relationship. If his answer doesn't include becoming a full-fledged couple, and he isn't willing to start taking concrete steps toward that immediately, you'll be doing everyone a favor if you seek an annulment ASAP.
My heart really goes out to you; I know how miserable it feels, and nobody deserves that. The good news is that you can change your life if this one isn't working for you--I did.
I'll be thinking of you. Please update us.
I don't think he's gay. I think he didn't want to get married and he feels like he has trapped you into being miserable and maybe if you don't consummate the marriage you will still have a fighting chance at happiness someday. Maybe he wanted to marry someone else but his parents didn't approve? Idk. This is all speculation so you should just come right out and ask him. Please update us though.
It sounds like he doesn't even want to be your friend from this post. Do you guys hang out even non intimately? I'm sorry about him. You deserve intimacy. I'd go crazy if I were forced to marry someone who refused to be intimate
You guys _NEED to talk about sex. I understand if it makes you uncomfortable, but it's a necessary evil. You're clearly tech-savvy, can you text him? Email? But you've got to get him talking. Can you start? Can you _say that you're feeling ready to start exploring this with him? That you're attracted to him, and want to express yourself and feelings for him *physically? Is your husband inexperienced? He might just be as nervous about all of this as you. At the end of the day, you're going to have to figure out a way to get him to speak candidly with you about your sex life. You guys are in this marriage thing together. You need to be able to trust each other, and communicate with each other. TL;DR: talk to him, (indirectly, if necessary) about this.
You're husband and wife so I don't think asking him to sit down and have a conversation about this and be honest with one another is too much to ask. Make your desires very clear and ask him to tell you in no uncertain terms why he hasn't sought intimacy and what you can do to change that. You guys need to set clear goals for your future and right now seem to be on very two different paths.
I'm surprised no one has brought up the fact that you said it's an arranged marriage... can you elaborate more on that? Forgive me, but I don't ever hear of that in the USA. Where are you guys? That's a cultural/religious kind of thing right... arranged marriages? And you live with his parents? Personally I am trying to wrap my mind around having my spouse chosen for me, and then having to just "be attracted" and have sex. I honestly don't mean this to be insensitive, because it sounds like a difficult situation to begin with, but could it be that he's just not really into you?
Have you seen him naked? If not could he have a hang up that's keeping him from doing what he really wants to do with you? My wife's brother who is Asian had some serious questions about sex and confidence issues while dating at the age of 30. I was amazed that how much a person could possibly not know about sexuality. Not much advise from me other than it opened my mind to people not being as educated or free about sexuality as me.
If he isn't gay, or just not attracted to you, it could be that he was against this marriage and was forced into it by his parents, so now he's protesting it in this way. Or maybe there's a medical reason. Maybe he's asexual. But, that's just what makes sense to me. I'm sorry you're going through this, OP. I hope you can communicate with him and find out what his reasons are and if there's anyway for you guys to be intimate in the near future.
I wouldn't be able to last 18 months in a marriage without any physical intimacy. I wish you luck OP ????
This is a little out of left field but....are you sure he knows what to do?
I'm assuming (and forgive me if I'm wrong) that you guys are fairly conservative considering the arranged marriage and living with his family - is it possible he's staying away because he doesn't know how it all works and is embarrassed to ask? Are you close enough with his mom to ask?
If you're stuck in this situation then start again. Ask him on a first date. And do little things together and build that intimacy.
I can't speak to what your husband is doing, but what you're going through really sucks. Been there. It can be quite heartbreaking especially if there is complete silence about it. You're not crazy. You have a right to bodily intimacy.
He might be inexperienced and nervous, he might not be attracted to women, he might be insecure about his penis size, or, he might be asexual (just a few ideas). There are tons of reasons he could be avoiding the intimate aspect of your relationship. Do you feel like he loves you? Perhaps the two of you aren't even compatible. I urge you to talk to him about this, it's unhealthy for you two to be on a different page about sex and your marriage. Good luck x
I'm a 39 year old guy. I've never kissed a girl, never touched a boob, and haven't had sex. To tell the truth I would very likely probably be behaving exactly like this due to having absolutely NO idea what to do, how to do it, and when. And no, it is not happening for me anytime soon. No one wants someone with two disabilities - one permanent, and a second long-term one.
Anyway...perhaps have a discussion with him and explain what to do and how to do it, and ask if he is a virgin? No no, maybe not go to that extent, because it will probably crush his man ego for years if you do. I don't know. It wouldn't crush me. I'd love to have a girl. Oh, well. One problem at a time. Good luck to you.
I had a neighbor who went through the same. Turned out the guy was gay. Not saying that's the case with your husband. I know it's not fair to you. Also, whichever way this goes, you will have to be kind to him and yourself. I'd urge you to talk to him about this, get him to open up. You can figure out what you want to do if he indeed is gay. People do get pressurized to marry sometimes and sometimes people have body issues or intimacy issues and it's okay. Unless there is a conversation about it, there is no fixing it.
It probably has nothing to do with wanting you or not wanting you. I understand an arranged marriage is your culture, but sometimes they turn out this way.
You should try to have an honest conversation with him. And asking him why he doesn't want intimacy would be a good place to start. Be prepared though for the answer, you never know what people are thinking and he may not want to tell you for fear of being judged or rejected by you as a friend, etc.
I am sad for you OP. There's definitely a cultural connotation to your situation that not everyone might be capable of understanding. But it doesn't matter because in any case, your husband's behavior is not normal.
Something is definitely wrong. He's either hiding his sexuality or an affair. It is not fair to you if it's the latter and the situation is not fair to the either of you if it's the former. Or maybe he is impotent? You are a victim in all three scenarios. Now it depends on whether you want a closure from this. If you do, then you need to confront him. He can give you an answer but whether or not he will actually give you one is kinda questionable. This is no time for you to beat about the bush. Confront him in the sternest of terms and you may get an answer. I know it is easier said than done. But you'll have to bring yourselves to do it if you want to know what's wrong.
But if you don't want to know or if you cannot bring yourselves to a confrontation, you can tell him that you want to move on and end this relationship. In one of your replies you said that he was kinda excited to see you change and then expressed shame over being excited for it, it seems like his priorities lie elsewhere. If he wants to go watch a movie by himself when you said that you wanted to watch it with him, his priorities lie elsewhere.
It all comes down to whether you want to know. If you decide to confront him, expect him to lie. People lie all the time. There's no reason for him to tell you what he's been hiding for 18 months. Do not believe everything you hear in that case. In the end, you can tell him that you're leaving him for the lack of intimacy, or you can ask him why the lack of intimacy. It's really your call. Take charge and stand up for yourself. Do not let yourself be treated this way. It is emotional and mental abuse that you're suffering and needless to say, it is extremely unhealthy.
There's nothing wrong with you wanting sex.
Have you talked to him directly about this? You should. If that doesn't reach any conclusions consider seeing a professional sex therapist. I think you'll both be happier for it.
Regardless of what could possibly be what is going on with him; You would reallly really really need to have a conversation with him about this to get to the bottom of this. Its likely there is a reason and that it is possibly affecting him personally and he is holding it in or else he wouldve talked to you about it right?
Do you think you could deal with going your whole life not becoming intimate with him or even doing coupley things? It seems like you really desire to be wanted and as time goes on this will get more and more difficult to deal with.
I want to wish you good luck with this in the future and i hope you get the intamacy that you desire.
You have to talk to this with him. It's gone far too long from what I can see. Maybe he's gay, maybe he has another relationship but nonetheless you must talk about it. I want you to be strong and prepare your feelings. Wanting to go alone to the movie theatre is absolutely outrageous. You guys are so young! You deserve so much more
He's young, at that age, many aren't ready to settle into marriage. Perhaps he thinks that if things become romantic, that would mean the marriage is consummated and you possibly pregnant. Maybe he's not wanting that, maybe his behavior is a form of silent protest. Whatever the underlying issue/s, you two need to have a serious discussion. You may even need to have a few of them. Ask him outright if he wants a divorce. Better to divorce than be in a loveless marriage. Clearly you're quite unhappy and at the very least, he's stressed over it. Try approaching him in a caring manner and talk about it.
Being woken up suddenly is not very good for our health.
Especially for the elderly, it's not something to make a habit of. Sleep interruption can increase blood pressure, cause a worsened self image, and cause a day filled with irritation and confusion.
No one wants to be woken up, but there are definitely some reasons for being woken up that are worse than your alarm clock.
We went to Ask Reddit to find out some of the worst reasons people have been woken up.
Redditor Toothpiicxxk asked:
"What's the worst reason you woke up?"
These truly are the worst.
We love our pets, but sometimes not so much.
"My cat was throwing up right next to me."
"She brought you breakfast how cute."
"I was just about to answer that my cat threw up right on me, specifically my hair, which I had just washed..."
Some horrible news hits you.
"Being woken up to be told someone you know died certainly qualifies."
"Or when you already know, but you wake up in that ignorant bliss that lasts for about a second and then it hits you. And this goes on for a long time."
"It's been about 15 years and I still will wake up on occasion thinking I have to tell my older brother something cool that I know he'd love to hear about. Or have a vivid a** dream about how it was all an mistake and he's still here. Happens less often then it used to but oof does it ever still hurt."
"Woke up at about 3am to a cop repeatedly ringing my bell. my mom had accidentally drowned in the tub. she was really weak from chemo."
"Woke up to a phone call telling me my incredible brother-in-law had been hit and killed by a drunk & high driver, his wife was also expected to pass as her neck had been broken, and their kids were both in surgery. My husband and I were in the will to get the kids, so we needed to fly to Chicago right away. As I sat there in shock, I hung up the phone, turned to see my sleeping husband snoring away, and knowing I would now have to wake him up to tell him the worst news he would ever hear."
2018 false missile alert.
"I live in Hawaii, that time we got the missile scare."
"Oof at least it wasn't real but I would have definitely panicked if that was me."
"Damn, I slept straight through it. My mom literally woke me up, told me; and I still went back to sleep."
"What were you supposed to do? Go outside and witness your annihilation?"
"I think it's the right thing to do to inform people even if there isn't necessarily anything that can be done about it."
"Some people would appreciate being able to conduct prayers, get one last hug with their loved ones, etc."
"Cockroach walking on my lips with no shame. I brutally murdered it as soon as I yeeted it halfway across the room."
"I had a weird dream about a cockroach somehow paralyzing a friend then walking towards me in that same room. Then I awoke to find this a**hole cockroach slowly creeping on my lips."
"When I threw it away, what startled me was it did not panic AT ALL. It even slowly headed towards me!"
"I also mouth washed and brushed my teeth and even disinfected my lips with alcohol. It was a surreal experience."
"I seriously loathe roaches and there's no other way to ensure its death than a brutal one."
Screams in the night.
"One time I got woken up by a blood curdling scream in the middle of the night. I live alone and it also woke up my dog who was freaked out the rest of the night. Searched everywhere including outside and didn't find anything."
"Well that was lucky. Imagine what would have happened if you had found it..."
"Hopefully a fox, coyote, cat, or cougar."
"Being clearly asleep, and then someone wakes you to ask, 'Are you asleep?'"
"Bruh my mom be like [this]."
"The only correct answer to this question is 'yes.'"
"I woke up to my mom calling me sobbing because she thought I had died, I was 10 hours away and my blood sugar was severely low and wasn't answering any calls, that was horrifying."
"We've learned what does and doesn't work for waking me up in a medical emergency."
"Blood sugar can be a b*tch, found my mum having a really bad hypo while sleeping when I was a toddler and for years and years after would wake her up to check she was okay without realizing I was doing it for that reason. Glad you're okay!"
Something so relatable.
"My alarm rung. It's a daily struggle."
We've all been there.
If you're not a morning person, waking up in the morning can already be a challenge, but no one wants to get woken up to horrible news or an emergency.
In fact, we should be waking up naturally with our own personal sleeping patterns.
We all know that's easier said than done.
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People have a habit of excusing crap behavior - honestly because it's often easier in the short term. Long term = flaming dumpster fire.
The excuses people use to dismiss behavior range from mundane and meaningless to the sort of leaps normally reserved for kangaroos and Olympians. It's sometimes amazing that these excuses work - but they do.
Some of them work so well that they're just sort of "accepted." That, obviously, kind of sucks and is something we should avoid - so let's talk about 'em.
Can't swerve around what you don't see, ya know?
Reddit user TMTtasmachine asked:
... and away we go.
" 'That's just how they are.' "
"One of the biggest enablers for tantrum throwing, bullying, etc. is that they get treated with kid gloves to avoid dealing with them." - alexrt87
"Oh my God you hit the nail on the head. Whenever someone says 'that's just the way they are' I say:"
" 'Yes, that's the point! Glad you noticed too! Now is it okey-doke for them to be jerks they have special jerk privileges? Or maybe they are just people and should treat everyone else as such?' " - notatrumpchump
"It depends on how it's said."
"People are the way that they are, and you shouldn't be surprised when they continue to be that way."
"This, obviously, doesn't excuse it - but people also shouldn't be surprised when a bad person continues to make bad decisions. Neither should we waste space in our minds being bothered by it." - unlawfulfoxy
Harassment Isn't Humorseason 2 lol GIF by ShamelessGiphy
" 'It's just a joke, bro.' Harassing people isn't humor." - loading__99
"A guy who says/does offensive things and decides whether he was joking based on the reaction of people around him." - Eatsleeptren
"Dude, legit had someone come up to me and start shouting in my face, calling me Madison, pretending I was cheating on him. Literally the most crowded location outside a theater, everyone staring at us, looking at me like I was some horrible cheater while I was out with my then fiancé."
"I started hyperventilating, my fiancé nearly decked the dude, and then someone shouts 'CUT' like this is some big 'YOU'RE ON CANDID CAMERA' moment and everything's supposed to be okay."
"I burst into tears."
"It was the most humiliating moment of my life, and thank god my then fiancé, now husband is not the type to overreact or jump to conclusions, or be abusive. Imagine how bad that could have been for someone with an angry or abusive partner."
"Prank videos are a plague on the internet and there is a REASON so many of them are fake, or involve actors." - Darkovika
Stay Sober, Then!Drunk Drinking Beer GIFGiphy
" 'I was drunk / high / etc.' "
"Then don't drink?! Stay sober if you can't NOT be an a**hole!" - BasedBenjamin
"Alternately, I hear a lot of 'I'm a happy drunk!' "
"Yeah, according to your drunk a$s. That doesn't mean you're not an ahole. Not remembering is not an excuse either." - PepeBabinski
"I was also loud, obnoxious, and I wouldn't remember sh*t the next day."
"Quitting drinking has been one of my best choices of my life." - TTungsteNN
"Help"new girl coach GIFGiphy
" 'I'm just trying to help you' " - Miserable-Air1234
"Every time I've heard this, they're manipulating me while helping only themselves." - mykittenfarts
"My Mom to a T. Everything she does is better than anyone else's and she always gets pissed that people don't praise her for 'helping.' "
"She's now a certified (by herself) psychic and I have come to the conclusion that she's not a covert narcissist but an obvious one. I really wish I was joking." - Silent_Discussion657
Parenting ProblemsLeave Me Alone Run GIF by TLC EuropeGiphy
"Any variation of 'I'm a Mother/parent.' "
"Had some lady cut me in line at a coffee shop and she hit me with 'I'm a single Mom of 3!' as her excuse."
"Ok? And? I was still here first." - maid-for-hire
"I'm a single mom and I f*cking haaaate when other single moms/parents pull that sh*t to get special treatment."
"Last week, I was having a rough morning, my kid was being difficult, and I was running late. I was rude to a cashier over a minor inconvenience."
"Not only did I apologize for my shitty behavior, I wrote corporate to let them know how professional and patient she was while I acted like a f*cking toddler."
"Was being a parent part of the reason I was frustrated? Absolutely. Was it an excuse for that behavior? HELL no."
"I acted like a b*tch, and I called myself out, and I apologized. I still feel bad about that - I rarely let things get to me to the point I snap at others." - ClusterfckyShtshow
"Wow. I'm a Mom as well and tired but it doesn't give anyone a right to use it as some sort of ploy to get away with stuff."
"Like, mice become Moms about 12 times a year. You're not special 🤣" - SpoonLoops
Believing Your BossThe Office Monday GIF by 20th Century Fox Home EntertainmentGiphy
"I had a boss say some really racist sh*t around me one day and the next day, out of nowhere, he says:"
" 'Don't believe half the things that come out of my mouth!' "
"It was not really an excuse, more like trying to cover for himself after the fact, but still stuck with me." - sirlongbottom441
"Report them to HR. Seriously." - kokichi--ouma
"Looking past the racist stuff for a bit, that's not a very encouraging thing to hear from a boss…" - WonderfulBlackberry9
Bad Day AgainBad Day Reaction GIF by Schitt's CreekGiphy
" 'I'm having a bad day/week' "
"Okay, so you decide everybody that you interact with deserves the same fate? Get out of here, dude." - myordinaryexistence
"We all got stress, don't take it out on me. I get some people have stress bad enough for it to be passable every once and a while (family member passing, etc) but general, stress should not lead to you being a jerk to me." - willsimpforfree
"Damn, I'm definitely guilty of this. Usually I remember to apologize after but at this point I've learned to just avoid the situation in the first place by minimizing my interaction with people if I'm in a shitty mood." - nozzzrul
"Reminds me of when that White boy went on a murder rampage and killed a bunch of Asian women & that a-hole sheriff gave a press conference telling the media that the 'poor boy had a bad day.' "
"My idea of a bad day involves going home after a rough day at work and just staying in the house."
"Apparently, I should change my ethnicity from Asian to White and go on a murder rampage, see if my @ss gets a sympathetic sheriff to say on my behalf that I had 'a bad day.' " - kingkazul400
It's Not An ExcuseSeason 2 Reaction GIF by FriendsGiphy
"This won't go down well, but using depression as an excuse. As someone who suffers from it, it's still not ok to treat others like sh*t" - Rainbowwallstickers
"Could not agree enough. My partner has a 'friend' who treats everyone like sh*t all the time, has no consideration for others and openly mocks people in public."
"She gets so much grace from those around her under the guise of her 'mental health.' It's so infuriating watching an adult woman never have to take responsibility for her actions." - 34boor
"I get there are some things you can't control, but you are still responsible for keeping that sh*t in check and if you're aware of your mental illness, you should be aware of how you approach people and situations."
"I'll admit I used to be guilty of using my mental illness to be an @ss, but now I'm trying to better myself" - VeeSquibbles
Florida Gonna FloridaLooney Tunes Florida GIFGiphy
"People are letting Florida off the hook way too damn much. And I live in Florida."
"Just because it's hilarious doesn't mean it isn't still completely f*cked up." - AlphaWhiskeyOscar
"The phrase 'Florida Man' is almost always followed some heinous way a Floridian is being an a$$hole." - PepeBabinski
"I'm also originally from Florida, and that state has serious problems. We need to pay attention to it." - [Reddit]
Moment of honesty ... as a Floridian ... yeaaaah, I'm gonna have to agree with that last one.
We live in a time where we are critically re-examining how we pay workers. After a two-year-long pandemic where some low-income and "unskilled" jobs were deemed "essential," we now must put our money where our mouth is.
For too long in the world have incredibly important jobs been overlooked or else outright maligned. Teachers in the USA make some of the least money, career-wise, and have some of the hardest jobs. Dancers pay to put their bodies through hell with no guarantee of paid work after training.
So how do we fix this problem? By naming it, of course.
Redditor u/NightReader5 asked:
"What professions are severely underpaid?"
Here were some of those answers.
Our Elderly Deserve Better
"I worked as a CNA in a nursing home and I loved it. It's such hard work for such little pay and that's why I had to leave."
"Not only that but I was a rare person in that I LOVED caring for the residents. Nothing was beneath me such as changing a dirty diaper or spoon feeding."
"Everything helped their quality of life. Sucks they can't keep people that genuinely enjoy it cause I couldn't make over $10 an hour."-Dancer9d9
"Came here to say this: Emergency Medical Technicians. I will never not be just a bit salty about this."
"My husband is one of those people who does this job because it's his passion and he loves helping people."
"It would be nice if he earned more than the kid who just got hired at McDonald's this morning."-ThePotterheadHobbit
High School Bathrooms....
"The janitors at my high school. I walked in the men's bathroom there once and there was a mega-giant steaming pile of crap and diarrhea right in the middle of the floor."-satanic-sex-god
"Anyhow. Are you sure that was a high school? We're talking grades 9-12 here, right?"-VoicedVelarNasal
"Unfortunately yes. Other highlights of my oh so great high school men's bathroom that contains teenagers from 14 to as old as 20 are:"
"A dude bringing a sledgehammer to school and smashing a sink, the toilets being blown up, the toilets being frequently clogged with trash..."
"Smashed beer bottle glass covering the floor, and a centimeter of pee flooding the bathroom whenever you walk in. I hate it here."-satanic-sex-god
You know immediately YOU might not want to do this job--so why is someone else getting paid next to nothing to do it?
The More You Help Others The Less You Get Paid
"Statistically speaking, any job that provides significant social benefit to others, the less you will get paid, something that David Graeber discusses in essays and his work, Bullsh*t Jobs."
"This is so sad. I'm currently in a job that pays very well, I just dont find any meaning or fulfillment with it. I want so badly to do something where I'd be helping others- something with purpose- but I honestly dont think I can afford it."-mko0njo9
"Social workers. Dealing with negligent, abusive parents while trying to help the children while in an underfunded, low-paid system is a travesty."-ZRX1200R
"Can also confirm. I like working with my family's but I don't get paid enough to deal with their crap or most of the bureaucracy."-Altowhovian93
Minimum Wage To Go Against FIRE
"Entry level wildland firefighters. They start them at $15 an hour."-NuclearEyedSquirrel
"I live in a small town in Ohio and I think the lowest starting wage I've seen was 11."
"That's the low side and those places are having trouble hiring because there's so many places paying higher. McDonald's here starts at 13 or 14 an hour."-rjoh4459
One Kid, One Para
"Paraprofessionals. Yea, my town increased the pay rate for paraprofessionals to get more people to apply since they have a shortage but the pay increase was not that good IMO."
"For that job, I think you need to be compensated for the physical and mental demands of the job."
"It's a hard job and they should be paid for the work, the pay rate in my community for the job with 60 credits is $14.50 but I think it should be more than that."-YourQueen2Bee
The question then becomes, why won't the people who HAVE money do something to help the quality of these jobs, and make sure that these people get paid?
"Everything in veterinary medicine. Kennel technicians, Veterinary assistants, Veterinary technicians, Veterinary receptionists, and Veterinarians."-aIsiduous
"Veterinary interns/residents, too. I work 70-120hrs+ per week, am on call about half the days per month, have to pay for my own board exams and accreditation fees out of pocket, and all for ~$33,000 per year."-WyrdHarper
"It's bullsh*t. There's nothing on this planet I want to do more than be a veterinarian, but I simply cannot afford the debt. Hopefully one day we'll get the recognition deserved. Stick in there, I know you got this!"--aIsiduous
In The Classroom
"I work in a special school, I love it but I really don't think we get paid enough for all the times we get yelled at, punched, kicked, bit, spat on, cursed at, have our classrooms trashed, have things thrown at us..."
"And then we also have parents making demands and admin telling us their 'simple' solutions to all of it that we have to carry out while they have zero clue on what it's actually like to spend a day in the classroom."-Sajiri
A Morbid State Of Affairs
"Funeral directors/embalmers/funeral professionals. We didn't get days or holidays off to begin with. Now the pandemic has stretched us to working double overtime, which we are exempt from getting paid for under Florida statutes."
"And forget hazard pay for being exposed to COVID multiple times a day every day via the deceased, the deceased's family members, the general public attending funerals, and the hospital/nursing facilities we remove decedents from."-Lesscute
So why are we holding off on giving these people a raise? Their jobs involve dangerous, mentally and emotionally taxing situations, and yet, we treat them as if society could function without them. The truth is it couldn't.
And society had best learn that as soon as possible.
What causes a small town to die?
Honestly, there can be quite a few factors, but perhaps the biggest one is that small towns often lack the upward mobility opportunities that are more available in urban areas.
As a result, many towns around the United States for instance have lost tens of millions of people as their populations seek jobs and opportunities elsewhere.
And what remains of these places can be pretty sketchy.
People told us more after Redditor RadicalizedSnackWrap asked the online community,
"What's a super sketchy US city that we never hear about?"
"Daytona Beach, FL. Imagine a bunch of alcoholic high school kids who came for spring break in 1984, and never left, and never grew up."
Oh, I don't have to imagine it.
I've seen it!
I lived in a neighboring town for a while and bodies would always turn up in farmer's fields that the cartel in Yakima had dropped off there."
Sounds like Netflix needs to get its hands on Yakima, a new show to go against Ozark.
"I remember a story..."
"Guntersville, Alabama. If I were to ballpark it, over 80% of the population are meth addicts and traffickers.
I remember a story where a man walked into the Walmart, took all the supplies and equipment required to cook, and proceeded to cook meth in the bathroom."
"A run-down town..."
"Reading, PA. A run-down town that is mostly used as a central point to run drugs between New York and Philly."
I am writing this from right nearby actually, and I can smell it from here.
"Small town almost entirely..."
"Butte, Montana. Small town almost entirely comprised of violent meth heads."
"More of a town than a city..."
More of a town than a city, but it's such a weird place, bordering on Twilight Zone. You'll see a meth house right next to a youth theatre."
According to a friend I have who spent a lot of time in Arizona, this sounds about right.
"Used to have..."
"Gary, Indiana. Used to have a prosperous steel economy, but now it's just home to abandoned buildings, failing infrastructure, and lots and lots of crime. Just look up pictures."
"I always said..."
"Amityville. Yes, that Amityville.
I always said the "Amityville Horror" house is for amateurs. You want something scary, put on a nice watch or a gold chain and wander around downtown Amityville after dark."
I went there once.
I have not been back.
"It looks harmless..."
"Harrisburg PA. It looks harmless and maybe a little boring but holy hell that place is a giant puddle of corruption just waiting for someone to step in it. Not just state government, there's a bunch of layers you can use to crawl up the corruption ladder."
"Used to be..."
"Natchez, Mississippi. Use to be the headquarters for the KKK. Not much there besides crackheads, plantation homes, and European tourists. Don't own a nice place if you're black, you'll be stopped by the police and questioned."
It doesn't look any of these are changing anytime soon, and that's sad.
Have some small towns to tell us about? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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