Stunned People Offer Advice To A Woman Whose Been Married 18 Months And Still Never Been Kissed
Stunned People Offer Advice To A Woman Whose Been Married 18 Months And Still Never Been Kissed[rebelmouse-image 18360554 is_animated_gif=
Poor elgintsaha is in quite a dilemma:
I feel needy for wanting to talk about any of this even though I know that there's nothing wrong with letting this off my chest.
We had an arranged marriage (me 25, him 27) almost two years back and now live in his parent's house. His family are lovely.
My husband is a nice person at heart. But he doesn't behave like a husband. We've been together for 18 months and to put bluntly, I want intimacy.
How has it been 18 months and he still hasn't even laid a finger on me. Not even a peck on the cheeks, let alone sleeping together (obviously we sleep in the same bed but we don't actually sleep together).
I want intimacy. I want to feel loved. Please, kiss me. Please, have sex with me. Anything. Why are you like this? I've even tried to make the first move but you turn me away.
What did I do wrong? What would you like me to do? You won't say anything. You don't want to talk about it.
Rather then treating me as your wife, you treat me like I'm a flatmate or something. We never had a honeymoon, we never go out on dates. Why? Why don't you like me?
You're kind, you're funny, you make me laugh, you're smart. You're all of those things.
But why can't you be my husband?
What would you advise her to do? Here was the best advice from Reddit.
One[rebelmouse-image 18360555 is_animated_gif=
My ex was neither gay nor cheating nor asexual, but had serious intimacy issues. He found me attractive but didn't want a physical relationship after the first few months, and couldn't explain why. I suspect it was from childhood trauma that he wasn't acknowledging, even to himself. Maybe it's something like that for your husband. (In which case not even wanting to go to the movies would just be part of keeping you at a safe distance.)
Instead of telling him what you want (again), consider asking him what he wants out of the relationship. If his answer doesn't include becoming a full-fledged couple, and he isn't willing to start taking concrete steps toward that immediately, you'll be doing everyone a favor if you seek an annulment ASAP.
My heart really goes out to you; I know how miserable it feels, and nobody deserves that. The good news is that you can change your life if this one isn't working for you--I did.
I'll be thinking of you. Please update us.
Two[rebelmouse-image 18345184 is_animated_gif=
I don't think he's gay. I think he didn't want to get married and he feels like he has trapped you into being miserable and maybe if you don't consummate the marriage you will still have a fighting chance at happiness someday. Maybe he wanted to marry someone else but his parents didn't approve? Idk. This is all speculation so you should just come right out and ask him. Please update us though.
Three[rebelmouse-image 18357776 is_animated_gif=
It sounds like he doesn't even want to be your friend from this post. Do you guys hang out even non intimately? I'm sorry about him. You deserve intimacy. I'd go crazy if I were forced to marry someone who refused to be intimate
Four[rebelmouse-image 18360556 is_animated_gif=
You guys _NEED to talk about sex. I understand if it makes you uncomfortable, but it's a necessary evil. You're clearly tech-savvy, can you text him? Email? But you've got to get him talking. Can you start? Can you _say that you're feeling ready to start exploring this with him? That you're attracted to him, and want to express yourself and feelings for him *physically? Is your husband inexperienced? He might just be as nervous about all of this as you. At the end of the day, you're going to have to figure out a way to get him to speak candidly with you about your sex life. You guys are in this marriage thing together. You need to be able to trust each other, and communicate with each other. TL;DR: talk to him, (indirectly, if necessary) about this.
Five[rebelmouse-image 18360557 is_animated_gif=
You're husband and wife so I don't think asking him to sit down and have a conversation about this and be honest with one another is too much to ask. Make your desires very clear and ask him to tell you in no uncertain terms why he hasn't sought intimacy and what you can do to change that. You guys need to set clear goals for your future and right now seem to be on very two different paths.
Six[rebelmouse-image 18360558 is_animated_gif=
I'm surprised no one has brought up the fact that you said it's an arranged marriage... can you elaborate more on that? Forgive me, but I don't ever hear of that in the USA. Where are you guys? That's a cultural/religious kind of thing right... arranged marriages? And you live with his parents? Personally I am trying to wrap my mind around having my spouse chosen for me, and then having to just "be attracted" and have sex. I honestly don't mean this to be insensitive, because it sounds like a difficult situation to begin with, but could it be that he's just not really into you?
Seven[rebelmouse-image 18360559 is_animated_gif=
Have you seen him naked? If not could he have a hang up that's keeping him from doing what he really wants to do with you? My wife's brother who is Asian had some serious questions about sex and confidence issues while dating at the age of 30. I was amazed that how much a person could possibly not know about sexuality. Not much advise from me other than it opened my mind to people not being as educated or free about sexuality as me.
Eight[rebelmouse-image 18360561 is_animated_gif=
If he isn't gay, or just not attracted to you, it could be that he was against this marriage and was forced into it by his parents, so now he's protesting it in this way. Or maybe there's a medical reason. Maybe he's asexual. But, that's just what makes sense to me. I'm sorry you're going through this, OP. I hope you can communicate with him and find out what his reasons are and if there's anyway for you guys to be intimate in the near future.
I wouldn't be able to last 18 months in a marriage without any physical intimacy. I wish you luck OP ????
Nine[rebelmouse-image 18360562 is_animated_gif=
This is a little out of left field but....are you sure he knows what to do?
I'm assuming (and forgive me if I'm wrong) that you guys are fairly conservative considering the arranged marriage and living with his family - is it possible he's staying away because he doesn't know how it all works and is embarrassed to ask? Are you close enough with his mom to ask?
Ten[rebelmouse-image 18360563 is_animated_gif=
If you're stuck in this situation then start again. Ask him on a first date. And do little things together and build that intimacy.
Eleven[rebelmouse-image 18360564 is_animated_gif=
I can't speak to what your husband is doing, but what you're going through really sucks. Been there. It can be quite heartbreaking especially if there is complete silence about it. You're not crazy. You have a right to bodily intimacy.
Twelve[rebelmouse-image 18360565 is_animated_gif=
He might be inexperienced and nervous, he might not be attracted to women, he might be insecure about his penis size, or, he might be asexual (just a few ideas). There are tons of reasons he could be avoiding the intimate aspect of your relationship. Do you feel like he loves you? Perhaps the two of you aren't even compatible. I urge you to talk to him about this, it's unhealthy for you two to be on a different page about sex and your marriage. Good luck x
Thirteen[rebelmouse-image 18360566 is_animated_gif=
I'm a 39 year old guy. I've never kissed a girl, never touched a boob, and haven't had sex. To tell the truth I would very likely probably be behaving exactly like this due to having absolutely NO idea what to do, how to do it, and when. And no, it is not happening for me anytime soon. No one wants someone with two disabilities - one permanent, and a second long-term one.
Anyway...perhaps have a discussion with him and explain what to do and how to do it, and ask if he is a virgin? No no, maybe not go to that extent, because it will probably crush his man ego for years if you do. I don't know. It wouldn't crush me. I'd love to have a girl. Oh, well. One problem at a time. Good luck to you.
Fourteen[rebelmouse-image 18360568 is_animated_gif=
I had a neighbor who went through the same. Turned out the guy was gay. Not saying that's the case with your husband. I know it's not fair to you. Also, whichever way this goes, you will have to be kind to him and yourself. I'd urge you to talk to him about this, get him to open up. You can figure out what you want to do if he indeed is gay. People do get pressurized to marry sometimes and sometimes people have body issues or intimacy issues and it's okay. Unless there is a conversation about it, there is no fixing it.
Fifteen[rebelmouse-image 18360569 is_animated_gif=
It probably has nothing to do with wanting you or not wanting you. I understand an arranged marriage is your culture, but sometimes they turn out this way.
You should try to have an honest conversation with him. And asking him why he doesn't want intimacy would be a good place to start. Be prepared though for the answer, you never know what people are thinking and he may not want to tell you for fear of being judged or rejected by you as a friend, etc.
Sixteen[rebelmouse-image 18360570 is_animated_gif=
I am sad for you OP. There's definitely a cultural connotation to your situation that not everyone might be capable of understanding. But it doesn't matter because in any case, your husband's behavior is not normal.
Something is definitely wrong. He's either hiding his sexuality or an affair. It is not fair to you if it's the latter and the situation is not fair to the either of you if it's the former. Or maybe he is impotent? You are a victim in all three scenarios. Now it depends on whether you want a closure from this. If you do, then you need to confront him. He can give you an answer but whether or not he will actually give you one is kinda questionable. This is no time for you to beat about the bush. Confront him in the sternest of terms and you may get an answer. I know it is easier said than done. But you'll have to bring yourselves to do it if you want to know what's wrong.
But if you don't want to know or if you cannot bring yourselves to a confrontation, you can tell him that you want to move on and end this relationship. In one of your replies you said that he was kinda excited to see you change and then expressed shame over being excited for it, it seems like his priorities lie elsewhere. If he wants to go watch a movie by himself when you said that you wanted to watch it with him, his priorities lie elsewhere.
It all comes down to whether you want to know. If you decide to confront him, expect him to lie. People lie all the time. There's no reason for him to tell you what he's been hiding for 18 months. Do not believe everything you hear in that case. In the end, you can tell him that you're leaving him for the lack of intimacy, or you can ask him why the lack of intimacy. It's really your call. Take charge and stand up for yourself. Do not let yourself be treated this way. It is emotional and mental abuse that you're suffering and needless to say, it is extremely unhealthy.
Seventeen[rebelmouse-image 18360571 is_animated_gif=
There's nothing wrong with you wanting sex.
Have you talked to him directly about this? You should. If that doesn't reach any conclusions consider seeing a professional sex therapist. I think you'll both be happier for it.
Eighteen[rebelmouse-image 18360572 is_animated_gif=
Regardless of what could possibly be what is going on with him; You would reallly really really need to have a conversation with him about this to get to the bottom of this. Its likely there is a reason and that it is possibly affecting him personally and he is holding it in or else he wouldve talked to you about it right?
Do you think you could deal with going your whole life not becoming intimate with him or even doing coupley things? It seems like you really desire to be wanted and as time goes on this will get more and more difficult to deal with.
I want to wish you good luck with this in the future and i hope you get the intamacy that you desire.
Nineteen[rebelmouse-image 18360573 is_animated_gif=
You have to talk to this with him. It's gone far too long from what I can see. Maybe he's gay, maybe he has another relationship but nonetheless you must talk about it. I want you to be strong and prepare your feelings. Wanting to go alone to the movie theatre is absolutely outrageous. You guys are so young! You deserve so much more
Twenty[rebelmouse-image 18360574 is_animated_gif=
He's young, at that age, many aren't ready to settle into marriage. Perhaps he thinks that if things become romantic, that would mean the marriage is consummated and you possibly pregnant. Maybe he's not wanting that, maybe his behavior is a form of silent protest. Whatever the underlying issue/s, you two need to have a serious discussion. You may even need to have a few of them. Ask him outright if he wants a divorce. Better to divorce than be in a loveless marriage. Clearly you're quite unhappy and at the very least, he's stressed over it. Try approaching him in a caring manner and talk about it.
History is made on a daily basis.
Indeed, there is little more exciting than having witnessed the accomplishments of people like Barack Obama, Stacey Abrams, and Greta Thunberg knowing that they have firmly reserved a space for themselves in history books.
Of course, most of the people who paved the way to make the world what it is today have long since passed away.
Not all of them, though!
It may surprise you to learn that there are people who made an indelible impression on history who are still much alive today.
Some of whom even continue to make a difference to this very day
Redditor enginearz was eager to hear about historical figures people were surprised to learn were still alive, leading them to ask:
"What famous person from history is still alive?"
Forever Leaving His Name In Science
"He's the only currently living man with an element on the periodic table named after him."- snowflake247
Quite The Story To Tell
"Last human to hold the title of Tsar, as leader of the Kingdom of Bulgaria."
"He was exiled along with his family when the Soviets invaded Bulgaria in 1944."
"In 1990, after the fall of the Soviet Union, Simeon returned from exile to Bulgaria and July 2001, was democratically elected prime minister."
"The private citizen is now 85."- DirectionNew5328
Making Nature Cool For Decades
"David Attenborough."- random_username_96You Can Do It Uoftartsci GIF by U of T Faculty of Arts & ScienceGiphy
The Fought For Freedom And Justice
"The last surviving airman of the battle of Britain."
"He is 103 years old."
"He helped with the liberation of Auschwitz."
"He is 99 years old."
"He was a prosecutor at the Nuremberg trials."
"He is 102 years old."- Ashtar-the-Squid
"The last living member of the german anti-nazi resistance group 'White Rose".
"Most well-known members were the sibling Sophie and Hans Scholl, who were executed by the Nazis when they were identified."- ChrisTinnef
The One Who Made One Giant Leap For Mankind
"Buzz Aldrin, and I’m not even American."- mukaltinState Of The Union Salute GIF by MSNBCGiphy
Opening Doors For So Many Others
"She was one of the first black kids to go to an all-white school."
"There is a famous picture of that first day."- mumwifealcoholic
He Continues To Surprise Us
"Ozzy Osbourne."- CaptinDerpI
Admirably Defying So Many Odds
"98 years old."- Back2BachJimmy Carter Drilling GIF by GIPHY NewsGiphy
We've Still Got Two Out Of Four
"Paul and Ringo"- HMKingHenryIX
Inching Close To The Big One Double Oh...
And Still Practically Perfect In Every Way
"Julie Andrews."- aslrulesjulie andrews snap GIFGiphy
Who Could Forget About Dick Van Dyke ?!?!?!?!
"Everyone just forgetting about Dick Van Dyke, he's like 97 and still going."
"If you've never heard of him, he played in Marry Poppins, along with a bunch more movies"- Longjumping_Drag2752
And Still Stunning
"Sophia Loren is still kicking."- The_REAL_McWeasel
Continuing To Go Where No Man Has Gone Before
"William Shatner doesn't look it but that dude is in his 90s wtf."- flubberF*ckWilliam Shatner Fun GIF by Shark WeekGiphy
Perhaps what's most admirable, is that even when these astonishing people do eventually pass, they will continue to live on and change the world with the remarkable work they did.
The Most Overrated Food Chains Of All-Time
We all indulge in fast food from time to time.
Even if we know what we're eating isn't exactly healthy, sometimes the salty, fatty mass-produced food is the only thing we want.
Resulting in our making weekly, if not daily, visits to a nearby chain.
Then, of course, there are the chains that we make every effort to avoid.
We've likely tried places at least once simply because everyone is always talking about them.
But after having one bite, we have trouble seeing exactly what all the fuss was about and vow to never return.
Even if it might be the only option at a rest stop or even the only available food for miles, we instead opt to wait and be hungry.
Redditor BungOnMimosas was curious to hear what people considered to be the most overhyped fast food chains around, leading them to ask:
"What do you think are the most overrated fast-food chains? Why?"
"Food As It Should Be"... Or Not...
"I know it's not technically 'fast food', but Panera Bread pisses me off."
"Insanely expensive for extremely average food." - Reddit
"Their quality has decreased so much in the past few years and they’ve added weird sh*t to their menu like pizza and chicken sandwiches."
"Massive identity crisis and crap food."- asm233
Things Ain't What They Used To Be...
"All of them, now that they charge real restaurant prices."- P00pf4rt5
"As much as I hate to say it, McDonald's is the only place that I can think of that the quality hasn't changed much."
"I mean, that's a pretty low bar, but it is what it is."- gnatman66happy ronald mcdonald GIF by McDonald's CZ/SKGiphy
"The majority of them, especially the really big ones (McDonald's, Wendy's, BK, Pizza Hut, etc)."
"The prices are no longer fast food prices and the quality is not there like it used to be."
"Far better local options that cost roughly the same at the end of the day."- senorita_diablo
Consistency Is Key...
"You can go to the same location three separate times, have the food made by the same staff, and receive 3 wildly different results."- AndrewLampart
Not So Popular Anywhere, It seems...
"KFC in France became so bad."- SterBout
"KFC."- calm4ufried chicken animation GIF by octavioterolGiphy
Likely Won't Go National...
"Idk how wide spread they are, but in the Buffalo NY area there is a chain called Mighty Taco."
"They were even voted best tacos a few years ago."
"It is absolutely terrible food."
"I’ve tried to like it and given them 3 chances."
"Each time I couldn’t eat more than a couple bites."
"Absolutely terrible and I’m disgusted even thinking about their sour vomit in a tortilla."- aa-2020
"I think I’ve answered this question before but definitely for me, it’s Subway."
"Nothing but a giant hunk of bread."
"I’m editing this to add that part of my anger about Subway is how good it used to be."
"I can remember the days of nearly a whole can of tuna salad delicious sub."
"And a Veggie sub with Swiss cheese and piles of yummy veggies and the sweet Vidalia onion sauce."
"It’s all gone to sh*t."
"I would’ve been perfectly OK with increasing price but the big drop in quality pissed me off."
"Oh woe is me with my first world problems."- Mysterious-Region640football ok GIF by Subway ColombiaGiphy
Quantity Doesn't Guarantee Quality...
"Starbucks is a scam."- cmkeller62
Tasty, But Not Worth It...
"I’m going to say Five Guys."
"Not because the food isn’t good, but because I’m not paying $20 for a burger meal."- 2PacTookMyLunchMoney
"Dairy queen grill and Chill for sure."
"I worked at one for a lil' while and 1 burger combo is $14.56 CAD."- lolidk13Ice Cream Miracle Treat Day GIF by Children's Miracle Network HospitalsGiphy
And Not In A Good Way...
Big Kahuna Burger, it kills you."-Darklock2022
No two people have the same taste in food.
Some people know to avoid crappy food, while others eat literally nothing else.
People Break Down Which Movies They Wish They Could Watch Again For The First Time
There are several movies I've watched so many times I think the viewings outnumber the days I've lived.
And much like a favorite tv series or movie, who wouldn't love to start again anew?
Experiencing that first time but with that feeling of... "I'm gonna love this forever."
We never appreciate the first time enough.
But that's life.
Warning: there are spoilers below.
Redditor Jacale1 wanted to discuss all the movies we wish we could experience new all over again, so they asked:
"What is one movie that you wish you could watch again for the first time?"
There are a lot of mystery movies I'd love to redo, just to figure out the killer sooner.
Gasps!Raining The Shawshank Redemption GIFGiphy
"The Shawshank Redemption."
"A great nominee. Will never forget gasping when that rock went through the poster, and again when the warden pushed his arm through and ripped it down.... wow."
Over and Over
"Edge of Tomorrow."
"Is it bad that I got enjoyment knowing Tom Cruise died a lot in that movie. Never on screen, but it happened. Over and over. I hate that guy. How the hell was he the same height as Nichole Kidman in the movies they acted in together. Rhetorical question."
"Honestly the whole reason I watched the movie to begin with is that he kept dying over and over."
“'Stardust'- if you don’t know you’ll never know."
"I’m surprised that a fantasy romcom can be so enjoyable, for a straight guy. It’s just the right balance between fantasy, comedy, drama, and romance. Most of the female cast are very easy on the eyes too."
"I swooned when Yvaine glows while dancing on the ship, and when she talks emphatically to the mouse in the caravan. This movie has a lot of A listers, and they deliver. I’m not gonna lie, I have probably watched it half a dozen times."
"The book has so much more in it, even having seen the movie you'll feel like a child again."
"I watched this with my wife, who has never seen it, and that's about as close as you can get to watching it for the first time. It really displayed just how good the movie is. Also I love Aliens just as much for different reasons."
"Came here looking for this! I watched it for the first time with my dad when I was 11, and it’s one of my favorite childhood memories. Amazing movie."
Hey Arnoldsci-fi GIFGiphy
"I first watched this as a kid when I knew Arnold was the good guy in movies, and I had not seen T1. I wish I watched T2 for the first time after having watched T1. The mall scene would have been even more mind blowing."
T2 was definitely bada**!! I'd redo that.
"Bro, I'll go further. If I could watch the Nicholson covered in blood scene or the final scene between Damon and Wahlberg, I would be so freaking happy. The sheer acting clout on display for the first is near a masterclass while the last scene was just so business like, I'd love to relive that scene with fresh eyes. I love this freaking movie."
"The original Star Wars. Man, that blew our minds! It totally changed movies from then on. We'd never seen such incredible special effects. The story was so fun and the experience was amazing."
"Even though I’m not a franchise fan, I can get behind this answer. Because when I saw it first run, I was fourteen, and nothing like it had ever been done. I think it was the first movie where the special effects were the movie? Now that’s standard. It’s a reason people see many films now."
"So, for sheer originality, I’d watch it again, but only for the first time. I barely recall the second movie."
"The 6th Sense. I audibly gasped in the theater. All the clues are obvious on rewatch but that first time, before anyone knew M. Knight Shyamalan was a twist guy... wow."
"I never got to see it the first time. My girlfriend at the time (now wife) inadvertently let slip the ending thinking I had already seen it. I have never seen the point in watching it knowing the ending. But I did enjoy The Village."
"I watched it again and it was more of a sad film than a thriller."
"Spirited Away. I was blown away by how beautiful and bonkers it is."
"Saaaaame! Every single Studio Ghibli film, but Spirited Away especially! I’ve still watched it a million times though, and it’s always special. If I’m in a bad mood that film always cheers me up!"
"Also, Avatar-the last air bender. I know it’s not a movie, but I felt like it deserved a mention. I’ve watched the whole thing several times, and it’s always great, but I do wish I could forget it and rewatch it. I’m 35 btw... lol."
Great Scott!Doc Brown Shock GIF by Back to the Future TrilogyGiphy
"Back to the Future."
"I'd love to watch that in the cinemas... Now from the future."
Now I want to go to the movies.
Non-Sexual Things That Strangely Turn People On
There is no one way to anybody's heart or libido.
Sexy doesn't always have to equal raunchy.
I've known people turned on by music, books, nature, and even funerals (don't ask).
What starts someone's engine is a mystery.
Redditor asexyjohn18 wanted to hear about all the things that get people in the mood, so they asked:
"What is a non sexual trait that turns you on?"
I love a walk. A little strut. Nothing like getting the heart racing.
Tingleshair GIF by SB NationGiphy
"Getting my head scratched or having someone run their fingers through my hair."
"Same. It’s so pleasant when the tingles run down your spine... ;-) "
"When a girl genuinely laughs at jokes I make."
"I remember being on a first date with a beautiful woman and I made a bit of corny joke/comment and she laughed at it. I remember thinking, damn, wait till I get to my good stuff. I did get to my good material apparently as we were married. She gives me as many laughs as I give her."
"Kindness. When I see someone going out of their way to help others for no other reason than it’s the right thing to do… that is some truly attractive vibes."
"Apparently it's vanishing from this world really fast. People who show kindness often end up in losses (of course not everytime but most of the time yes). It really breaks my heart."
"Probably the sexiest thing out there. Someone can be smoking hot, funny, talented, etc. But if they're not kind, they're unattractive."
"Smiling right at me, and men stretching. LAWD HAVE MERCY!!"
"I have trouble smiling at women. Is this a turnoff for them? And ones I like are really hard to smile at. Because I know it's always going to be some really weird big smile if I am crushing which makes me feel like a super duper creep."
SimplicityHappy I Love You GIF by Warner Bros. DeutschlandGiphy
"Sorry if this is too kinky but i like it when they care about me."
"Too far man. You need to rethink your choices."
Sometimes it's all about the heart.
Eye 2 Eyei see you GIF by VH1Giphy
"When a guy explains something to you in a calm and understanding voice. Bonus points for gentle eye contact."
"Being crazily intelligent. Screw dirty talk, I want you to explain some unexplainable s**t in my ear."
"Heck yes. My best connections have been with a philosophy/history professor turned chancellor, an environmental engineer, and a neurosurgeon, all 3 Summa cum laude grads and conference speakers in their fields. The downside to genius though is complete absorption in their fields leaving little time for in person connection."
"Everyone should know how to cook. Hunger knows no gender. I like to eat good food so I learned how to cook. I asked my mom one day and she reacted surprised. She was more than grateful to have an opportunity to teach me the ‘finer’ aspects of cooking, as she called it. Lol. I love food."
"My girlfriend, now wife, likes to jokingly say I got her into bed with a well seasoned steak and homemade fries. I mean we did sleep together almost immediately after we finished dinner so maybe she’s right. That old saying comes to mind. 'The quickest way to the heart is though the stomach.'"
"When I ask my husband for help when I repot my plants and he delicately cleans and moves the leaves. He is a mechanical engineer and he works with huge pieces of industrial equipment, seeing him so tenderly caring for my plants just makes me melt."
Limbs A LotExcited Thomas Lennon GIF by ABC NetworkGiphy
"Men doing intricate work with their hands."
"I second this, also someone who can play guitar/bass real real well... just watching their hands, whoa mama."
Well, it seems that just about anything can get someone in the mood, especially if you're kind, courteous, and especially a good cook.
Anything to add? Let us know in the comments below!