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Intimacy is more than just sex - it's connection, communication and validation. So what do you do when you've been missing it and it's starting to get to you?


One Reddit user asked:

People who've been single for a long time: how do you deal with the lack of intimacy?

We're not going to lie to you - no everyone is coping well. This isn't about to be an article full of inspirational rich folk who cope with loneliness by traveling to another country and falling in love with a billionaire who was disguising themselves as a construction worker/fisherman. Sorry to all you Lifetime movie fans.

What you will find are practical tips, honesty, vulnerability, and a lot of talk about the value of wanking with love.

Troll

I call people names on the internet so I know what it's like to have social interactions with other humans...

...b*tch

- Cre8iveWritingAccount

fck you too b*tch!

sobs inconsolably in the corner

- leftatread

No f*ck you!

*sits next to you and also cries uncontrollably *

- Cre8iveWritingAccount

Man's Best Friend

Dog Sup GIF by MOODMAN Giphy

Living vicariously thru the shows and music also drinking a sh*t ton, but realistically it gets really really lonely. Especially at night when u have all these thoughts and no one to tell them to, but my dog is what keeps me sane.

I don't know what I would do without him; he's my best friend.

- obi-wan-shinobi-

Dogs are the best whether one is single or in a relationship.

- BundleOfJoysticks

Feels Like A Hassle

I used to be a serial monogamist. Been single for like 8 years now? I've lost track. Honestly, I'm happier being single than I ever was in a relationship.

I get the emotional intimacy that I need from friendships and these days I haven't really craved physical intimacy. I have so much that I want to do in my free time that it makes trying to fit a relationship into my life feel like a hassle.

I know and respect that everyone's needs are different, but the thought of being in a relationship plus having kids—like when would I ever sleep? Let alone have time for myself?

p.s. I love working with kids—they're the best. But dang, I love coming home to no one and being able to do what I want, when I want. Lol

- World_Wide_Deb

Easier As An Introvert

I'm an introvert so I guess it's easier for me, all I have to do is occasionally rub one out and occasionally meditate. That keeps me happy enough sexually and mentally. Every once in a while I try to pick up a lady.

- warpus

Aspiring For Single Time Again

It's funny... I'm in a relationship now, but was single for a long time. When I was single I filled my life doing all the things I aspire to do once again now that I'm in a relationship. I just don't have the time.

- pbm9

Yeah, I've been married for 6 months now, after a long time single. I make sure to still do things I enjoy, at the same time I have to balance things to give time to wifey and my hobbies.

- TopRandomness

An Expression Of Self Love

I'm pretty introverted, so the lack of companionship doesn't bother me that much. I have a few close friends and talk to each of them about once every six weeks or so, and I interact with people from work fairly regularly. Plus I have my parents and siblings, whom I talk to often, so I really don't lack the social interaction I need. An ideal night for me is just watching YouTube / playing Switch / messing around on Reddit, so being single is kind of a nice fit.

As far as sex goes, I've found it's helpful to try to think of masturbation as a form of self-love, as opposed to just a utilitarian "crank it out" way of getting temporary relief. If you love yourself, and you try to view self-pleasure as an expression of that love, it can satisfy you on an emotional level as well as physically.

I'm not going to lie and pretend that masturbation is as good as regular sex (except in a handful of cases where it's really good), but it can be a lot more emotionally powerful than you'd think if you use it in the right way.

- Norcia

Not That Serious

hqg GIF Giphy

It's not that deep : people need to learn how to be alone and love themselves rather than waste all their energy on somebody who may not even be there 12 months later.

- CMILLERBOXER

Two half people don't make a whole. You have to be happy with yourself being single if you want a relationship with another person to work. So I embrace and enjoy being single. And the few relationships I do get into don't last longer than they should.

- Creepysphinx729

But Here I Am

My wife died 9 years ago. We had a wonderful, dynamic, intimate relationship. I was the happiest I've ever been in my life. She seemed to feel that way too. Her family told me she had never been happier. And then she was gone.

At the urging of friends and family I tried dating a year or so after she passed. After four or so odd years of that I'd had enough. I recently ended a platonic relationship with a lady I met during that time after several years of trying, and failing, to work through her intimacy issues

That all said, the lockdown has hardened me even more. I'm comfortable alone. I've given up. I never thought things would end up this way but here I am. It used to terrify me but I'm good with it now.

- gaberax

Feeling Free

There's flashes where I feel lonely, but they're so short and infrequent that they've become really easy to weather. I think we all want that emotional connection with someone but it's no longer a requirement for me to be happy. I just throw myself into my career and hobbies now when I'm in a rut about it.

When I got out of my last relationship I just felt so free and had the ability to completely reinvent myself. I've had some chances to be in longer relationships since then but I really like just having all of my time to myself to do whatever I feel like doing. It would take a really special person for me to give up being single now, and if it never happens again, I won't regret it because I don't want to settle and be miserable.

- LostCanadianGoose

It Varies

I'm 29 and I've been single now for 9 years, in the past couple of years I've managed to be intimate with 2 woman and it feels like its given me a new breadth of life in terms of confidence

However before that there were days or weeks I yearned for nothing more than to have someone and it was painful, the longer it got the less confidence I had, the more I judged myself, the more I looked down on myself, then there could be weeks or months that it wouldn't even cross my mind and I was content being alone

What I'm trying to say is that it varies day by day sometimes good sometimes bad, it's not really about dealing with it, it's more like you have no choice and time just keeps on passing and you just have to try to remain hopeful

That's my view anyway.

- MarkWood1

Other Types Of Love And Intimacy

I've been focused on other types of love and intimacy: New friendships, love of family, and the intimate relationships I have that are not romantic (nor physical, but they are definitely intimate).

Self love, especially. Both in terms of caring for myself by hydrating, eating, sleeping, creating... And also in terms of masturbation. It has been nice getting to know myself more in that way and it keeps my head clear. (Which helps me maintain boundaries with friends... It is easier to get distracted by physical attraction when I haven't gotten off recently.)

- vagabondoboist

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Lifehacks, if applied properly, can really change the course of a single household chore.

Chores can really be such a pain to take care of, and nobody wants to do it. But with a little life hack under your belt, you might be able to turn chore time into something a little fun.

u/rat-avec-london asked:

What is a lifehack that seems fake, but is a true lifesaver?

Here were some of those answers.


My Finger, The Glass

If your ring gets stuck on your finger windex will slide it right off. Worked at a jewelry store for five plus years.

coykoi314

You can also use any oil (cooking, automotive... anything).

You can also reduce the size of your hand (and finger) by holding it up in the air. Chilling your hand in cold water THEN holding it up in the air for a couple minutes whilst rubbing oil &/or dishwashing fluids in there... trifecta of ring removal.

Should work on anyone that just stole Sauron's prize - though biting it off also works, i suppose.

SageSilinous

Multiple Uses

Use shaving cream as anti-fog. I used it on the inside of my motorcycle visor. Smear it on, let it dry, then rinse off and dry. It also works for bathroom mirrors. You can use it on a small spot so you can still see when you get out of the shower.

Caspers_Shadow

Shaving cream also removes the smell of urine. If you ever have to take care of someone who is old and/or sick and who wets the bed, a little shaving cream on a rag wiped over their buttocks after they are thoroughly cleaned up helps them really smell clean again.

It's a bit of a sad tip, I know, but you never know when you might end up caring for someone who needs help with things like this. Nobody wants to smell. A dab of shaving cream to restore a bit of dignity? Priceless.

Gen-Jinjur

Pretty Important For Stage Actors

Every male should know this. If you want to get rid of an awkward boner flex any muscle in your body maybe an arm. For a minute. The blood will rush to that muscle and away from your penis. Crisis averted.

GingerOverseer

These life hacks really don't seem real at all, but if you can swear by them, they can save your life.

Obligatory Poop Hack

I saw a comment on one of these kinda threads that recommended gently rocking back and forth while pooping. I've never had any problems in the bathroom, but I happened to be sitting on the toilet when I read the comment so I decided to give it a test drive. I was pleasantly surprised at how quick and effortless the whole experience was and I haven't gone back to my old stationary technique since. As a bonus, #1 and #2 now require the same amount of time in the bathroom!

ASS_LORD_666

It's The Alcohol

If you have funky armpits and need to fix them fast, use hand sanitiser. I figured this out years ago when I remembered that the smell comes from bacteria reactions - which antibacterial hand gel kills stone dead. Instant results and the medical smell lasts only a minute. Don't do this routinely though as it's delicate skin.

ihadanideaonce

But Hopefully It's Just A Playing Puppy

True lifesaver: if you are ever attacked by a dog, push your forearm INTO the bite. This pries the jaws apart and prevents them from clamping down. If a dog is attacking you, the best thing you can do is offer your forearm, push as far back as possible, and then grab the dog by the scruff of its neck with your other hand to hold it. The dog is now functionally muzzled and you have control of its head. The sooner and harder you push into the bite, the less damage the bite will do.

IAlbatross

Get It Off Anything

That rubbing alcohol removes chewing gum.

I'd go through a 20 layer deep marketing funnel to get to that tip because it really does work.

Also wow! Thank you for all of the awards nice Redditors. I completely forgot I left this comment and came back and my notifications had blown up.

omgIamafraidofreddit

And previously impossible situations will give way at long last.

Sayonara Capsaicin

Rubbing vegetable oil (or any cooking oil) on your hands after you cut up jalapeños or other hot peppers. It gets rid of the awfulness that would normally be left on your hands from the peppers. I rub my hands with oil and then wash it off with dish soap. I can totally remove my contacts after doing this. It's crazy how well this works.

PaulRuddsButthole

Crying Crying

Put your onion in the freezer for 10 minutes before chopping it. It freezes the juices just enough to slow down the process of it turning in to a gas, giving you a few minutes to chop the onion without tears. I learnt this tip from a kid's science show years ago and I haven't had to deal with onion tears since. So many people don't believe me, and then are genuinely surprised when it works.

Lost_in_the_Library

Just A Quick Little Base

The cheapest, most effective, and safest insecticide against roaches (especially those huge "water bug" roaches that we have in the South) is a spray bottle of mostly water with just a little liquid dish soap in it.

Shake the bottle & get the water a little foamy, then spray the roaches. They will run, scrabble, and attempt escape, of course, but they will die. The soap film suffocates them faster than any chemicals will.

A friend told me about this, & I thought she was nuts, but I tried it & it works amazingly well. Plus it's very easy to clean up and safe around food (not that you want to spray soapy water ON your food).

SnooPickles3213

Incorporating any of these lifehacks into your home may make a big difference. You'll never want to turn back.

Or you will, whatever. But they're worth a try!

Image by Olya Adamovich from Pixabay

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