Adopted families are unique. First, in how they come together to create a unit, but second, in revealing to established family their clan is going to grow. Telling friends and cousins and parents can be exciting, but telling children you already have can be a more unique experience, especially for the kids hearing they're about to get a new sister/brother.
Reddit user, u/miyahori, wanted to know about this particular circumstance when they asked:
Siblings of adopted kids, what's it like to have an adopted brother/sister? How did your parents tell you they were adopting?
"It's Just An Open Fact."
My older sister was adopted from India, but because she was adopted before I was born, I don't think I was ever explicitly told. It's just an open fact in my family.
Growing up it was a bit weird because she's definitely my sister, and I don't feel like she's any lesser a sibling just because we don't look similar, but that possibility will never even cross other people's minds if they pass us in the street. Plus, I got to see the stupid irrationality of racism up close because random people in the street or at work would tell her to "go back to where you came from".
They assume she's an immigrant or a foreigner. But she isn't. She has an Australian accent and she's my sister. She's Australian.
But I have 5 siblings total and none of us look anything alike, so she doesn't really stand out in the family. Between us, we cover all eye colours, hair colours, skin tones, and personalities/interests. We're all different, so why do her "differences" warrant being abused on the street?
"We Thought It Was The Coolest Thing."
GiphyI have two adopted siblings, a brother and a sister. After having my other bio sibs (another brother and sister), my parents thought they were done, but my mom really wanted to make a difference doing something for kids, so she started doing Foster Care when we were 15, 12 and 3. My adopted bro was one of the earlier kids to come into our home and after caring for him for about a year, and realizing he'd been up for adoption, my mom started to push my dad about adopting. He wasn't really for it at first, nothing against him, he just thought they were done raising kids, but he came around.
Us other kids were thrilled to have an extra brother. We thought it was the coolest thing. Fast forward another 5 or 6 years and we found ourselves in a similar situation. We had a baby girl my family was caring for and she was with us for over a year. Very long story with her adoption, but we added another sib to the family.
My dad's glad he came around to the idea now. He's my brother's basketball coach, helps my sister in softball, and couldn't imagine life without them.
My parents have always been open with the kids, who are 7 and 13 today, about having been adopted; it's not a secret. We've also been open with sharing information we have about their bio parents if they ask (mostly my brother wanted to know how tall his dad was because he's worried about his height). For all of us, it hasn't felt any different than having "real" family members. Family is what you make it.
If it were up to me, I'd have a bunch more adopted siblings but there is a financial component to having a bunch of kids, and as my mom puts it "We're getting too old".
"...Make Life Equal."
My older brother is adopted from South Korea so he was here about 6 months before I was born. I have never known any different. I learned he was adopted when I was 5. My parents had a running joke about me always telling people they purchased my brother from a store, because 5 year old me really thought that was what adoption meant.
The one thing i have realized now that I am an adult is that my mother tried really hard to make life equal. If she took me to get food after a doctor appt she'd take my brother the next day. If she gave me 20 bucks to go to the movies she gave him 20 bucks too. The hardest part growing up was the fact that my brother was the only asian person in almost our entire county. Small, rural Midwestern town. He faced a lot of racism growing up and it took him until he was 22 to embrace his heritage and start to try the food and learn the culture. I love him and couldn't imagine life without him in it.
"So It Just Kinda Happened..."
It all happened with us when we were very young. So it just kinda happened and we had a brother that looked different. When people ask me about it I figure that my parents did a great job because my only response is, "it's exactly like having a normal sibling except every once in a while people ask you what it's like".
"...seemed completely normal to me..."
My sister was adopted as an infant when I was five. I sort of understood it at the time. Far more than I understood when my mom lost a child when I was three. She's my sister. Period. Never been any debate about that.
Now, 40+ years later, its no different. She knows who her birth mother is and has communicated with her sisters, mostly because she wanted a medical history of her lineage before she had kids. But she's my sister, and nothing will ever change that.
It may be a little different for families that adopt older children, but for me - she's my flesh and blood, period. Love you sis.
Edit: an added note, adoption was something that just seemed completely normal to me my whole life. My grandparents adopted two girls when my Dad and his brother were in their teens. They are and always have been my aunts.
Every Situation Is Different
Oh, I was excited to respond. But all my siblings were adopted out, I'm the youngest and the only one raised by my mom. But I know all my sisters, and knew most of their families.
My oldest and third oldest and I don't talk anymore.
My second oldest sister was raised by my grandma, and we're the closest.
My third oldests' adoptive mom makes the best cheesecake?
"...a long and messy story..."
It's a bit weird at times, (not because of the adoption part) but he's 20 years younger than I am and black...so when I'm out doing things with him, we tend to get weird looks and people question if he's my brother or if my mom had an affair-or if I cheated on my husband and he's my son. But he's awesome and I love him.
When he was adopted though, my mom was an (and still is to some degree) an Nparent. I came home one day, to see my brother in his high school play. (I rarely came home in those days, because I was constantly fighting with my mom). I opened the door and this small kid was there and was like "Who are you?" and I was like "jessdb19" and asked him "who are YOU" and he was like "My name-I live here!" So my mom had adopted him and not told me about him, or him about me.
I kind of called the agency and reamed them a bit for not contacting me, because they SHOULD be contacting all siblings. Talked to the gal that was the case worker and she was...a bit surprised to hear I even existed. Had been removed from being a part of the family, since they didn't' want me throwing a wrench in the situation. My mom wanted another kid and my feelings of her could have thrown doubt, so she had said she just had the two kids.
The whole thing is a long and messy story, so I'll leave it at that.
Just Like Any Other
I have a little brother who was adopted and now I absolutely adore him! I cannot imagine our family any other way.
At the time though, it was hard to understand. He was a little older when we adopted him (around 3) and I was 10, and I'll never forget the feeling of driving home with a child after we picked him up and knowing this kid who we didn't know anything about was never leaving. It was a tough adjustment (partly because he didn't speak our language yet) for a couple years but once he settled in and got comfortable it's just like any other sibling
You'll Mess Up A Lot At First
My little brother is 11 and we adopted him from Ethiopia at 6 months old, so he doesn't remember any other family. I was 7 then, so I don't really remember anything except that I was pumped to have a baby brother. He occasionally gets really mad and threatens to get on a plane and go back to his "real mother", but only if he's super super angry. We sort of fucked up for the first 5 or so years of his life by getting him short/shaved haircuts, but someone was nice enough to let my parents know that hair is really important particularly for black guys.
He goes to a great barber now and one of my dad's colleagues (who is also black) takes him sometimes. The only hard part about having a brother who's a different race is that we have to talk to him about police brutality and such. We live in the Bay Area so there's a lot of that here, and he's old enough to potentially be seen as a "threat". Other than that, I guess it's just like having a biological brother.
Annoying, But We Love Him
My parents decided to adopt my younger brother when he was around 2 years old. Process took forever and he finally came to stay with us when he was 5. My parents obviously never had to tell him he was adopted because he is aware of this fact.
Now, it's weird to imagine my family without him. The fact that he's adopted doesn't even cross my mind.
He is, however, annoying. Really annoying. Guess that comes with the young teenage boy territory.
Different, But Ours
My older sister was adopted from China as an infant about 3 years before I was born. They had the conversation with us when I was young enough that it was never a big deal. She looked different (black hair, dark skin compared to me and all of the younger siblings red hair and pale skin) but she was still our sister.
I think they told us that when a family had a baby it doesn't matter how they get them, it just matters if they love them. My dad and his siblings are all adopted as well, and we adopted other's kids when I was older. The idea of family being based on love instead of blood is super big in our house
Just Always Been...
I have two younger sisters, one is adopted the other one is biologically my sister. I was just four when the adopted sister came into our family. It seemed completely normal at the time, never considered that it might have been unusual, and she has always simply just simply just been my younger sister (42 now).
She recently had a son herself, and it has make her much more curious about her own biological parents than she has been in the past.
From The Beginning, That's How It Was
I have a sister adopted from India. She's currently 6 coming on 7.
It's pretty much like having a sister from the beginning. After a while, you just kinda forget she wasn't always there.
We let her know she was adopted quite often, but we follow it up by making sure she knows it doesn't change the fact that we love her.
"I Honestly Can't Imagine Our Family Without Him"
My youngest brother is adopted and has been with us for 21 years now.
At the time Mum and Dad asked us if we wanted to have another baby brother and my younger blood siblings and I agreed (6 and under). We had books about adoption and we talked about it for ages. It felt nice knowing we were helping him and no matter what he is always my brother. Love him to death! I honestly can't imagine our family without him :)
"...Cool."
GiphyI've got a little brother who's adopted. He was a teenager at the time, and most of the rest of us were teenagers/adults too, so my dad just kind of told me "adopting the kid" and I said "cool". Basically the short story of what happened was that one of my other little brothers took him home to stay for a weekend as a friend. Our dad and his wife said "come back anytime". And well, now he's adopted.
He's a cool kid, he's just one of us. I'm kind of 'half-adopted' too anyway, and there are 'half-sibling' sets too, so 'siblings' to us is just sort of exactly who we want us to be.
I'm kind of 'half-adopted' too anyway,
do you mind expanding? I'm interested
I'm technically a nephew/cousin. I was never formally adopted, but my uncle (the 'dad' guy) was my guardian and they all treat me like a son/brother.
Do you come from a mixed family with adopted siblings? Tell us all about it!
Life-Threatening Situations First Responders Wish People Knew How To Handle Better
Reddit user PeachMilkshake2319 asked: 'First Responders of Reddit what is a terrifying situation that you wish more people knew how to handle to result in less casualties?'
When I was about 16 months old, I fell asleep in my high chair with a piece of toast in my mouth. No one noticed I had a piece of toast in my mouth, so it was panic-inducing for my parents when I suddenly woke up because I was choking.
Luckily, my mom knew what to do in this situation and was able to make me cough it back up. When my mom told that story a few years later to her paramedic friend, the paramedic said she'd seen a lot of children in fatal situations because their parents weren't able to help them while they were choking.
First responders have seen a lot of bad situations that could've been avoided if people educated themselves to handle them better.
First responder Redditors know this all too well and are ready to share their advice.
It all started when Redditor PeachMilkshake2319 asked:
"First Responders of Reddit what is a terrifying situation that you wish more people knew how to handle to result in less casualties?"
Here I Am
"Have your address clearly marked & lit so responders can get to you quickly... every second counts."
– Ten7850
"So many of the tips here are wilderness survival, and I can't argue those will help."
"But coming from a kid that's suburban raised and city for the last dozen - this hit me hard."
– pnwWaiter
When You're Alone
"How to perform a heimlich on yourself, you're a goner without a doubt if you're by yourself and food gets too stuck."
– Personalberet49
"When I was 13 years old I was choking on a bit of hamburger in my grandparents house while both of them were out of the house. I had to get up against the lazy boy and give myself the Heimlich maneuver. Finished the burger though it was tasty."
– Mewtoy
"On this note, if you’re choking on something and coughing, lean forward over your knees with your head down. Let gravity help clear the blockage, rather than trying to fight it."
– Catfishers
Please, Make A Scene
"It is way too common to find people choked to death on toilet stalls at restaurant. By instinct they don't want to disturb others and seek a place where they try to get whatever is stuck on their throat out. Please, if you are choking, try to get help and let everyone know that you are in trouble."
""Oh I don't want to embarras myself and ruin peoples night, so I'll just die in the toilet" is a wrong mindset in that situation."
– timippa
"I’ve had 3 instructors mention that it’s mostly women who do this too. Women are (in general) raised to not make a scene and are more likely than men to go to the bathroom when choking."
– Anoif_sky
Don't Cut It Off!
"Limb amputations. Easy to save someone with a tourniquet. Keep a few in your car, know how to apply them. It can save your or someone else’s life. Tons and tons of blood dumps out of an amputation."
– tibearius1123
Better Safe Than Sorry
"Treat every gun as if it’s loaded."
– RangerDangerfield
Stumble And Fall
"Friend of mine is a police officer in his home city. If your friend is drunk get them a cab home. DO NOT leave them to take the train home. He always tells me 90 percent of the people he gets run over by trains are drunks who fall into the train tracks."
– Cool_loser69
No Water Please
"Caveat - do not drink water that smells or tastes rancid or contaminated. Chances are it will make you vomit, causing you to get even more dehydrated."
– KristjanKa
Verify, Don't Trust
"Also don't entrust a drunk/incapacitated person to the care of someone you don't know. Don't trust their tinder date or an uber driver to get them home safely. That's how people go missing or get assaulted."
– notreallylucy
Check, Never Assume
"Ex-EMT here. We’re talking 13 years ago."
"It’s not a great idea to put the pedal down as soon as the traffic light turns green. Wait a couple extra seconds. That first 2-3 seconds when the light turns green is a GREAT time to get nailed by some idiot blowing through a red light."
– CDC_
"The only assumption I make when driving is that everybody else on the road is an idiot."
"If you assume they're an idiot, you can be more prepared for stupid stuff they might do"
– Raxsah
"I’ve always said “assume every other driver doesn’t know what they’re doing, where they’re going, where they are, or how to operate their vehicle”. Thus far, it’s been a success."
– EveryFairyDies
"My dad always told me"
""75% of people on the road are blind and stupid. The other 25% are actively trying to kill you""
– WhiteWizardDD
Allergies Kill
"How to inject an epipen!"
– readitpaige
"Don't put your thumb on the end of the pen! Great way to stab yourself instead (although if you're stabbing yourself anyway an EpiPen to the thumb is still better than nothing)"
– TerribleIdea27
"Haha in my EMS class the day they passed around an EpiPen, my teacher was literally saying "and just so y'all know, that EpiPen is hot, so whatever you do, don't put your finger--" and got cut off by "OW!""
"Calm as a cucumber, he continued, "--and now yall're gonna practice vitals on our newest victim!""
– TrailMomKat
Be Prepared
"I’m not a first responder, but my wife was a trauma nurse (now PACU) and we’ve found ourselves in some not ideal situations in our travels."
"Take an AED/CPR/First Aid class, bonus points for Stop The Bleed (it’s often free!). That will prep you for the majority of stuff you’ll encounter. Have a good first aid kit on hand at home and in your car."
– hipsterasshipster
You Are Not Immune
"If everyone in a room/vehicle/building is unresponsive, DO NOT ENTER FOR ANY REASON. If you see someone collapse after entering a confined space, DO NOT ENTER FOR ANY REASON. If you see a person collapsed near a potential chemical spill, DO NOT ENTER FOR ANY REASON. Overall, if it killed them, it will kill you."
– garfieldlover3000
Strapped In
"Wear your f**king seat belt"
– Shamefullvaper
"And make sure others in the car also wear their seatbelt."
– FueledByFlan
"I literally won't move my car until everyone inside is buckled in. It's one of the few things I've been a stickler about my whole life."
– TUNGSTEN_WOOKIE
Some of these (especially that last one) seem simple, but they are all vitally important!
Grade school teachers are responsible for a myriad of things in addition to being educators.
As adult supervisors, they have to make sure everything in the classroom is in order and act accordingly if something goes awry–which is inevitable since there is always one mischievous student or two.
Curious to hear from educators and their disciplinary tactics, Redditor RodotC asked:
"Teachers of Reddit, what's the worst thing you have confiscated from a student?"
These teachers had to deal with confiscating weapons.
Sharp Object
"A huge butcher knife. That he was actively trying to stab me with. He was 6."
– Interesting_Sock9142
Taser Tag
"An entire police-grade taser."
– Financial-Cattle-356
"My buddy Eric once brought in half of a police grade taser"
– MalachyXavier
Clever Crisis Prevention
"A large brick that an angry male student picked up and walked into the toilet block with. A teacher’s aide alerted me to the incident unfolding. The boy had a verbal altercation with another boy and followed him into the toilets with a brick he had found."
"I walked into the toilet block and said, 'Excuse me, that’s my brick.' The boy turned around and asked how it was mine. I said my name was written on it and I’d like it back. He asked where it was written, so I held out my hand to show him. He handed the brick over and I said, 'My mistake, it looked a lot like this one.' I removed the brick from the toilet block situation very quickly."
"I held on to the brick and alerted the deputy principal. I still can’t believe that sh*t worked."
– Barkblood
Huge Assortment
"I used to be a monitor for kids from rough neighborhoods, we would take them out to the mountains or countryside and have them sleep overnight and do activities, like scouts."
"During the day I would take mostly cigarettes, but during the pre bedtime inspection we always confiscated shanks, metal poles and upgraded 2x4 bats..."
– logges
Harmful Accessory
"Legitimate brass knuckles. He was knocking them against his desk and saying threatening things to my other students. Brass knuckles are illegal in general where I live, not just forbidden in school, so both he and his parents were in some trouble."
– Grammar__B*tch
Criminal origin stories may be found here.
Young Klepto
"Most of the time it was just lighters."
"The worst thing I found was less about the item itself and more about the context. I heard news that my student with Down's syndrome was mugged that morning in the bathroom before school and would be spending the day in the principles office. Coincidentally this was the same day that another one of my students, one who has tons of behavioral issues and was borderline sociopathic (this kid legitimately liked seeing others upset/in pain), returned from being sick."
"When I was told that the mugged student was still missing his wallet. I started to think back to how shifty the other kid was being that morning, but part of me almost refused to check the other kid's desk as I just didn't want to believe one of my 3rd grade students could truly be that heartless. Eventually I did check, and I was getting happier and happier as I dug through the desk not finding anything, only to reach the back and pull out the f'king blue Sonic the Hedgehog wallet. I think it was the only time I'd ever been angry as a teacher, and I was just fuming. Not even at the student, more just pissed that that's the way things had to be."
– zachtheperson
Bad Business
"Not a teacher, but when in high school, they had to shut down an entire bathroom because a girl had a business of piercings and tattoos in the bathroom. Chick literally had the whole Claire's piercing gun and a whole tattoo gun... and of course the drugs.... let's just say she was expelled."
– mixedcerealwithoj
Oh, The Irony
"A tightly taped and wrapped 'brick' that had 'not drugs' written in sharpie. He was throwing it around the classroom like a football. When I confiscated it and saw what was written on it I called the resource officer. It was drugs."
– IssaJuhn
These are not toys.
Repeat, these items are not toys...for kids.
Poke And Prod
"A raccoon penis toothpick a male student kept poking a female student with."
"He had backups."
– Chaps_and_salsa
"People actually make toothpicks from raccoon penises?? Just because you can doesn't mean you should ffs."
– Epik_Guy
I'm not a teacher but as a middle school student, I had something taken from me and I still don't have a clue as to why.
It was clearly not required reading but I had a paperback copy of Stephen King's The Tommyknockers on my desk.
My teacher was so appalled after seeing it, she swiped it and told me that I could retrieve it after class.
Perhaps it was unsuitable reading material for a 14-year-old? Who knows?
But I remember feeling guilty for no reason and ashamed that I was reading a book written by The Shining horror author.
From our friends and families' own cringy stories, to the tales captured on social media, we've all witnessed our fair share of proposals that totally missed the mark or were just plain awkward.
In fact, most of us have come across so many of these stories, we all have an idea of what the worst proposal in the world would be.
Redditor aloe_veracity asked:
"What is the worst possible way to propose?"
Stealing the Spotlight
"At someone else's wedding or wedding reception."
- N-y-s-s-a
"I had to stop my friend from doing that. One of the nicest dudes ever, just a little naive."
"Fortunately, this was before the wedding, I didn’t slap the ring out of his hand or anything like that. I just very clearly told him it was a bad idea whilst at the pub."
- Polite_as_h**l
Clearly a Subplot from 'Grey's Anatomy'
"Arrange a fancy date night with your girlfriend, including dinner at a posh restaurant."
"In the middle of the meal, fake a brain aneurysm. Bite into a concealed blood pack, collapse, and fall onto the floor, the whole bit. A 'doctor' or a 'nurse' planted at an adjacent table rolls you onto your back, checks you, and says that you're not breathing and you have no pulse."
"He or she rips open your shirt to apply a defibrillator... revealing, 'WILL YOU MARRY ME?' written on your chest in red body paint."
"Pull out the ring, and say, 'I can't live without you, baby.'"
- Thatimensfaa
So Romantic
"Chucking the ring at them and saying, 'Here, wear this.'"
- Kai6180
"My friend got engaged like this and thought it was so cute for some reason. They did not last."
- Bada**Bumblebee
Wedding Dress Included
"My mom told me that my cousin’s girlfriend got tired of waiting for him to propose (apparently he said he would but hadn’t gotten around to actually doing it) that she straight up bought a wedding dress and told him they were getting married."
"He said, 'Okay.'"
"I believe they’ve been married for about 20 years now."
- PorkrindsMcSnacky
So Nervous
"My husband proposed to me while I was driving. At night. On a very busy, twisting road."
"He had a big proposal planned but then got super nervous and kind of just blurted out the proposal while we were in the car."
"We celebrate our 25th anniversary this fall. My thought was if I had the power to make him THAT nervous, I was in a pretty solid position."
"Honestly, it's not how you're asked; it's who's doing the asking."
- Neener216
Worth Waking Up For
"Mine might be the worst. I was a broke 19-year-old and thought that if I can't spend money on a good proposal, I'd go with the element of surprise."
"I woke her up at 3:00 AM and gave a speech about how we were going to be together forever and propose."
"Her response: ARE YOU F**KING KIDDING ME...'"
"We've been married 14 years this October."
- the_navillus
Red Flags in the Morning
"I got woken up an hour before my alarm clock rang. He just came home from visiting his parents for the weekend."
"No elaborate speech, just a 'Now or later?'"
"Me, being an unarticulated zombie for the first hour after being woken up, managed to mumble, 'Now.'"
"I got the ring stuck on my finger. It was slightly too small. And then I just went to work."
"Later that day, he reminded me that I still 'have to' say yes. Of course I did."
"A day later, colleagues figured out he never asked. He just demanded. So I told him to ask me, but he said since I already said yes, he didn't need to."
"After a little back and forth, he asked."
"I should have seen that red flag waving in front of my face, but it took two years to see it."
- Mondfairy
Practical Purposes Only
"This is the story of how my parents got engaged."
"Dad: Hey, you should move in with me."
"Mom: No. Not until we're married."
"Dad: Okay. Fine. Let's get married."
"Mom: Wait. Are you seriously asking me like this?"
"Dad: Yes. Why not. Marry me and then you can move in with me."
"And then they got married."
"It did not go well."
- biddily
Short and Sweet
"Proposing via text."
- Salty-Entertainer-29
"will u marry me?"
"k."
- aloe_veracity
Public Proposals
"For me personally, the worst would be any grand gesture around people. I’d rather you ask during a cozy night on the couch."
"My ex and I just talked and knew we were going to do it. We picked up the ring together and were walking out of the store. He bent down on his knee at a bench, and no one was paying attention. I’ll never forget how precious that was to me."
"I was at a large music festival last year and saw a guy propose to his girl quietly in the back of a crowd. No one seemed to notice that either, but I saw it and started crying to myself at how beautiful it was. She was snuggling into him the whole rest of the set."
- ApprehensiveBanana07
Quite the Rebound
"Say the wrong name. Other than that, you'll be fine."
- shipsaway9
"Something similar happened to a family friend. Someone she met online proposed to her within weeks of meeting her with a gorgeous diamond ring."
"She got caught in the moment and said, 'Yes.' It was at a fairly busy restaurant and everyone started clapping and cheering for them."
"When she got home, she took off the ring to send us a photo of it, and that's when she noticed that there was someone's else initial engraved on the inside."
"Turns out that the guy's ex-fiancee had broken up with him just months before their wedding. He met my friend online and decided to ask her to marry him instead out of spite and possibly because he didn't want to lose his deposit on the wedding venue and catering."
- Dane_k23
Fooled Ya
"Propose after being caught cheating."
- BeneficialSomewhere
The Argument to Win Them All
"While in an argument about wanting the get married, bring out the ring and just say, 'Here.'"
"A friend of a friend was 'proposed' to this way and thought it was the cutest. The red flags were waving themselves."
- royal_rose_
A Different Take
"Propose from prison."
- No-Art-9083
"Propose in prison."
- aloe_veracity
"Propose ON TOP of a prison."
- Ok_Wave_7359
A Jarring Experience
"Shock them by proposing to them right after they've told you that they've lost their job."
- BroadcasterX
Proposing or being proposed to is supposed to be one of the most special moments in a couple's life, signifying all that is to come. Imagining how someone could approach this moment in some of these ways is really staggering.
You can say that some single people can be envious of those who are blinded by love.
You know the expression. A person who is blinded by love is when they are so deeply engrossed in the throes of passion with a lover that their relationship defies all logic.
On the one hand, that level of amorousness is romantic. But on the other hand, it can be totally deceiving.
People who are blinded by love tend to rush into things and make life-changing decisions that can come back to haunt them. Like getting married.
Curious to hear about regretful choices, Redditor tippytoes1216 asked strangers online:
"When did you realize you married the wrong person?"
Some realized gradually that something was off.
Losing A Sense Of Self
"One day I realized I had become a smaller version of myself."
– mlerin
"Yeah damn. I'm about a year past a really tough breakup, and this hits hard. My friends all tell me they like the new me. And it certainly feels easier to be me. I don't know why I ever let it be reduced. I think she left me with a bit of imposter syndrome, but it turns out I'm f'kin' dope."
– thefrenchflex
No More Exercising
"When she sat me down and with a straight face said 'I’ve thought about this and you’re not going to exercise anymore.'”
"I was jogging a few miles a day and would usually bring kids with in running stroller."
"She said you’re a father and it’s too time consuming. That’s when I realized I made a terrible mistake lol."
"Catching her with another man in my car didn’t help the case to stay married."
– JD054
This Woman's Work
"Engaged not quite married yet."
"When I had been on mandatory bedrest and caring for our infant son, after having emergency surgery... and he came home from work and looked me dead in the face and said 'why aren't the f**king dishes done?'"
"Called my mom the next morning and told her I was leaving. Hightailed it out of there 2 weeks later."
– Neverinfocus
Unfit Mother
"It was a death of a thousand cuts. One of the first was when I realized she didn't trust me. We had been together around 10 years at this point. But I had a moment of clarity and literally said to her 'you don't trust me do you?' Before she could answer I said 'you don't trust anybody.' And she agreed."
"She would routinely throw the kids out of the tub and the bathroom completely naked because they splashed her while getting a bath. And not just that, she would yell at the top of her lungs at how bad they were. The kids were around 2-4 at the time. God forbid the toddler splashes the water in the tub."
"Another time I don't even remember the cause but I tried to play mediator. As in 'ok daughter you did something wrong, let's apologize to mommy'. And she would. Then I'd ask mommy to apologize to our daughter for what for her role and mom absolutely refused to apologize. Ive known this lady more than 20 years and ive never heard her apologize. Literally never."
"The final straw was when one of our kids wanted a hug goodnight before bedtime. She locked herself in our bedroom and refused the hug because she had hugged them earlier in the day. Kids were crying. They didn't understand. I was devastated watching this unfold. Why doesn't mom want to hug me?"
"I try my best to not let it impact me. But we share custody now and I have to watch how she interacts with our kids. Its hard. The best consolidation is the kids are getting older and they're starting to figure it out."
– overarmur
Unworthy Companion
"When I realized if we weren’t dating I wouldn’t have wanted to be his friend."
– dawn855
Some found out on the day of the nuptials.
"No Ice Cream Truck"
"On the wedding day…. She spent a fortune on unnecessary things, and I knew I’d be the one fitting the bill on the credit card she ran up. So I told her no more, she said she wanted an ice cream vendor there (we already had two dessert bars) told her it was not needed. She fought me on it but finally agreed. Wedding day comes, I’m standing with my groomsmen, in comes the ice cream truck. Knew right then, sadly."
– StrangeJitsu
Inebriated Bride
"On my wedding day. We were married at her Parents house, a beautiful place on a private country club. The entire day was all about her, and she spent more time hanging out with her friend and getting drunk than with me. I stayed busy visiting with all the guests during the day. After all the guests left and it was down to her parents and me, I find her passed out drunk upstairs in a bedroom. I picked her up and carried her to our car to take her home. Needless to say our wedding night consisted of her sleeping it off. 5 years later she went in to in-patient treatment and after she sobered up and was released, she told me that she didn't love me and wanted a divorce."
– metrology84
So much for the honeymoon.
True Colors
"It was actually almost immediately after getting married. Our relationship had taken a nose dive as soon as we moved in together. But after we got married, while we were in Greece on our honeymoon, he absolutely lost his mind on me in public. I had wanted to go see a beach on the island that is supposed to be one of the most beautiful in the world, so we tried to catch the bus, but it never came. He screamed at me, telling me he hated traveling with me and how could I ruin his vacation like this. Then we walked to the beach nearby and he went swimming with his two friends who he insisted come with us on the trip. I was too stunned and humiliated to do anything except sit on a beach chair and cry."
– gridironbuffalo
China Was Telling
"Got married. Went on a honeymoon in China. We were both PhD students at the time. I was working class. Her family was middle class. Her father gave her 10,000 $ for the honeymoon."
"So we go to China to celebrate AND she wants to do some light pre dissertation research while there for a month or two. Fine."
"It turns out, I spent the entire two months alone in tiny hostels, while she did research. I only spoke a few words of Mandarin and I was a broke graduate student, so I couldn’t really afford to/didn’t have the means to easily get to an airport to fly back home (also had 0 family support back home, even if I did manage to make it home). I felt trapped."
"I talked to her about how the trip felt like a research trip and not at all like a honeymoon, how I was alone almost everyday."
"We were sharing a laptop while in the trip (I was too poor to own a laptop, despite being in grad school). I open the laptop one morning before she leaves to go survey a field site without me. Her email is open. She left a message open on the laptop. It’s to her father, stating she wishes I wasn’t there on the trip - our honeymoon. Again, I was told this would be a honeymoon w/ maybe a slight detour for research. It turned out to be a research trip where I was a burden."
"She apologized. We stayed together for a few more years after she got sick and I became a caretaker. I wish, in hindsight, I had left China after reading that email."
– Mtt76812
It's pretty painful to realize that the person with whom you're sleeping next to is not, or never was, your person.
But if there's a glimmer of hope that you and your spouse are willing to put in the work for the sake of a troubled marriage, that's a very redeemable quality.
Sadly, this doesn't apply to all couple, and the best thing to do is to abandon ship before further emotional damage is done.