I have never been a fan of haunted houses. I even skip the Haunted Mansion ride at Disney World. I think it's because there was a "haunted" townhouse that was on the block I lived on in childhood.
It languished there for years.
Sometimes local crazies and addicts would break in and set up shop. And then there would be an onslaught of insanity.
Of course during summer nights playing we kids would always dare one another to go in. I never could.
So I got labeled a coward. But hey, better a coward than a corpse.
Redditor whales-are-cute wanted to gather up tales about the times some houses got us spooked by asking:
"Redditors who lived in old/haunted houses, what's your mysterious story?"
I do believe spirits roam the halls of buildings. And that is just freaky.
That's why I like to research places before I move in. There is this fabulous luxury building on the Upper West side of Manhattan. People would kill to live there.
But that's because they don't know people were killed trying to leave there. It was an insane asylum shutdown by the city.
So I'll skip it thanks.
"I need sleep"
I was staying in an apt over an old theatre in a mining town. Apt was easily 60' above the street.
Halloween Lights GIFGiphyWoman, blue hued, in long dress... just appears in my peripheral vision. I turn to look... And she does the same. We meet eyes while she pauses there watching me. She then walks across the room and out the front wall of the apt over the street. I look out the window and nothing.
I'm like "I need sleep."
I mention this to owner and he explains there was a balcony there but it was lost in a fire decades ago where a woman died trying to escape said fire. Now it's a solid wall where a doorway was. He just added "long blue dress?"
Like bro... things you could have mentioned in the housing ad!
"You are in my realm"
We live in a 150 year old farmhouse. The first week we lived here, my iPhone was sitting 5 or 6 feet away from me, hadn't been touched in a while (like 20 minutes or more) and Siri just said "You are in my realm." There was no history of the phone saying this, or of any activity.
A few months later, my cat woke my up, waited at the foot of my bed and kept meowing until I got out of the bed.
She went to the top of the stairs, and waited until I followed. Followed her downstairs and she just sat in the middle of the room. I checked a few things to make sure something hadn't caught fire or whatever, while she just sat in the middle of the room looking up the staircase.
The house was SO quiet it was eerie and disturbing, usually something makes a noise in this place. I turned around to go upstairs, and thought I stood in something wet and bent over to check, but it was just a weird spot that was so cold, I thought my socks were wet. When I stood up, I felt a hand on my right shoulder. Nobody was there.
Doors occasionally open, and TV remotes constantly go missing. We've lost I think 5 now, and have never found one. Every single piece of furniture has been removed from the TV room during renovations, so it's not like something ended up in a void under the couch.
Two years ago, I was at a flea market and bumped into a former co-worker I hadn't seen in quite a while (who ended up living just around the corner). She pointed at a couple and said to go introduce myself, as they lived in our house in the 80s. I introduced myself, said I live in their old house and they immediately asked how the ghost was doing! Apparently it had a thing for TV remotes back then as well.
Former Flat Earthers Explain What Finally Made Them Come Around | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Science is science. Fact is fact. Truth is truth and simple is simple. These are things we must now attest to in 2021. Can we please all get onboard with wha...Be Not Afraid
My Dad was killed before I was born. When I was still in elementary school, I would feel someone tightening the cover on my bed at night. I would look around the room and didn't see anyone. When I told my Mom, she told me it was my Dad tucking me in. She said that he wanted me to be a girl.
Also sometimes I would be out flying in the sky like the birds on his back. He would bring me back home when it would get dark. Then I would wake up and look around the room, and go back to sleep. It didn't scare me.
Just Run!
I moved into a house built in the 1890s several years ago. A few weeks after moving in, before meeting any neighbors, I heard heavy footsteps coming down the attic steps outside my bedroom. I then heard footsteps on the staircase for the first/second floor, and someone say my name.
My husband was 30 miles away, nobody in town knew me or had access to my house, and there was nobody outside at the time. I grabbed my baby, phone and keys, and ran outside to wait. We searched the house top to bottom and never found anything, but I've heard the footsteps multiple times. We have no upstairs plumbing or hvac, so it remains unsolved.
I've also heard music playing downstairs, talking to previous owners this was common. It's just commonplace now, and we don't always have stuff going on. A lot of major remodeling has been done, so I guess maybe that's why it's happening. Honestly the repairs are scarier than anything else.
He left a bunch of furniture including a rocking chair with a matching rocking leg rest.
So one night I came downstairs for a late-night snack had to been after midnight and I was the only one down there, and there is this rocking chair and leg rest just rocking away all by themselves in sync.
See now I think some of y'all need some good sage. Or some nice mantras and perhaps an exorcist. Or a shaman. Try a few different things. See what works. Because that is all a lot of nonsense right there.
He's Here
We would hear foot steps downstairs or upstairs when no one was there.
Some guy died in the house.
Nothing else weird though.
ghost hunters gh GIF by SYFYGiphyI Hear Her
I lived in an old house with my dad after he was divorced. Money was tight, and he lectured me many times to not leave any electronics on so the electric bill wouldn't be outrageous.
In the mornings, I would stand in the living room looking out the window, waiting for my ride for school to drive by.
Only one home, house totally silent. Suddenly start hearing a woman talking, but very muffled. I would compare it to the sound of someone talking on a phone way on the other side of the house.
I thought the TV was on. Bent down and hit the power button only for the TV to turn on. Wtf? I look at the phone, thinking maybe it was on. Nope. Checked radios, etc. Nothing is on.
Walk back into the living room and listen closely. Sounds like a woman having a conversation with someone.
They're talking about sewing needles and materials. Sounds like it's coming from the other side of the room, so I walk closer to hear better. The voices now sound like they're on the other side of the room I just came from.
That was when my hair stood on end. That moment you realize something isn't normal. Quickly ran outside and waited for my school ride lol.
Got home and told my dad about it. He told me he also heard a woman's voice one morning while working out, but it sounded distant and conversational. He didn't want to tell me because he didn't want me to be scared by myself in the house.
I still think about it today and it was a very baffling experience.
Back in the Day
My sister and I were just reminiscing the other day about this house we grew up in. We lived in a townhouse in a complex of low income rental homes for most of our childhoods. Very bad vibes in general, none of the three of us kids were ever alone in any part of the house at any time because we were dead terrified to be.
I peed the couch once because my mother refused to accompany me upstairs to the washroom, and I was too scared to go alone. The house was built more upwards that outwards so it was a long tall steep staircase and long hallways. The bathroom was at the end of the hallway, and you had to cross the hall at the top of the stairs to turn on the hall light.
We've collectively experienced a few events ranging from bad feelings, recurring nightmares, strange occurrences, to apparitions. Strange events include my sister sleepwalking to the top of the stairs and screaming at the top of her lungs that I was going to die. She never did sleepwalk again and to her chagrin, I am alive and well.
Apparitions include the man sitting at the dining room table the morning of my birthday, and the child in the stairwell window that had no landing to stand on beneath it.
That was the only time we saw our parents acknowledge we had a problem, because we were looking at it from outside the house. We were the driveway, all 5 of us and our dog in the car after a camping trip. We stayed with family friends that night.
The Black Mass
There were poltergeists in the apartment where I was living. We were three flatmates, one guy that did not believe in anything paranormal, and me and my best friend. I started hearing noises at night, our two bedrooms were side by side and there was something knocking from her side, like something made of glass. We investigated, turned out it was the bottles she kept in her room shaking by themselves at night.
Got worse later. Some of her clothes were teleporting to my room when we were outside together. One day I was spending a week alone there, I heard my keys shaking on the door when I was trying to sleep. The morning after, I found the strap (5 centimeters long?) of my keys completely and tightly wrapped around the ring that was holding my keys together.
Same day, there was a black mass in the corridor and the curtain of the bathtub was moving by itself, I still remember the sound it was making on the metal pipe. Nearly got an anxiety attack, I called my best friend and she came back early from her holidays to stay with me. My dad called a medium and a lady to make a spiritual cleanse.
Not the Basement
I actually lived in a house that was haunted, but I don't know if it was a "bad" haunted.
Tobe Hooper Poltergeist GIFGiphyMy mother told me when I was kid, she was getting me ready to go out and I was looking at something and talking. I said it was my great mother, mentioning her name. She was deceased before I was born so I never met her or knew she existed at that point in my life... (it was her old house).
Light bulbs used to pop and shatter every once in a while. The sinks and bath tubs would start running (with the knobs turned) every once in a while. The house is still in my family but nothing weird has happened in years.
I frequently have dreams about that house though, and it's always me being scared of the basement!
Moooo!!!
100 year old farmhouse.
I used to hear an odd bell like noise once in a while.
We lived in an old house around that age about 16 years ago. Lots of weird stuff happened in that house. Your comment reminded me about our really old mechanical doorbell that would randomly ring without anyone around it.
MJ?
Martha Jane (the woman who built the house in the 1800s) would creep up the steps every night to check on her 6 kids. I would yell at my mom and she would say... "Its just the ghost..." like this was completely normal.
ghost library GIFGiphyLight a Candle
An apartment I lived in years ago, was the scene of a triple homicide (drug thing). It had been about a year from the time of the murders and when I moved in. The place was professionally cleaned and building owner gave me a great deal due to what had happened. GF at the time, who I never mentioned the circumstances to me getting a great place always said she was cold, especially at night.
It could be dead of summer and if she slept over, she would be under a blanket while I was on top of the covers sweating like a dog. She bought a candle from a Botanica and lit it because she said something bad must have happened there. I never told her about the killing.
Those Screams!
When I was about 4 yrs/old? My parents lived in an farm house. My two older brothers shared a bedroom upstairs. I slept in my parents room (I believe) which was downstairs. Both of my parents, and both of my brothers, claim that the story is true.
On various nights, in the dead of night, the window in my brother's room would suddenly fly open. The room to their door would open and shut. Then there would be footfalls on the landing (think open walkway that looks down onto the living area) towards the stairs. The footfalls would then go down the stairs.
When my parents heard my brothers scream, then the footfalls on the landing, they would rush towards the stairs just to see... nothing. The footfalls always ended at the bottom of the stairs.
We didn't live there long and finally moved into another house.
Woof!
I don't live in an old house, I live in an apartment building that is 11 years old. There's a ghost in my apartment.
White Dog GIFGiphyDon't experience it very often but on occasion it will turn on my iPod. Occasionally there will be scratching coming from the craft room door. And every now and then you will hear a growl. Once saw what seemed to be a small white dog dash behind my sofa; I checked and both of my doggos were sleeping on a chair on the other side of the room.
Same time, Same Place...
My house and my house before this, both were very old, my best friend's great grandpa lived in my current one. I'll just say what happens here. Everyday, at 2:30PM to 3:00PM, I'll hear banging underneath my floorboards as if someone is under the house and trying to get help/trying to get me underneath to kill or kidnap me. I constantly feel watched through my windows as if my neighbor is looking at me while I'm dancing or getting dressed or anything.
My dogs will be walking out of my room and just randomly look down the hall as if someone is walking there, but nobody would be in that vicinity/would be home with me. And just last night, I put my hand near the edge of my bed and something that wouldn't move if my hand moved had moved and touched the palm of my hand.
Not Funny
Currently live in "haunted" house, and we have had the usual happen: doors opening/closing by themselves, voices when no one is around, shadow people. The one thing that takes the cake though is the damn pizza! We were having dinner and watching television when a slice of pizza lifted up and flipped over toppings down and then flipped back over the other way! I'm still scratch my head at how or why this happened.This sounds like a bad joke but trust me it isn't.
What I See
A light in my house kept coming back on when I had turned off-couple who formerly had that room were dead.
Felt Someone brush past me in condo, former tenant had died.
Saw a man's face with long hair and old style clothes on my TV, realized the TV was off.
Had a problem with my son, saw him in front of me on a sofa smiling at me, that spooked me!
When my oldest brother died, I was not able to attend his funeral, he appeared, smiling in a blue shirt. He was buried in a blue shirt. Was very comforting to me. ❤️
I don't know why I see and dream things.
the old gal...
My grandparents house has a ghost of an old lady that literally sits in the corner of the guest room and knits. I've only seen her twice and both times only frightened me because I never expect to see her.
old lady ghost GIF by South Park GiphyThe Crying
I lived in my parent's guest house when I was younger one night my kids were crying in the other room and I got up to check on them and they were on a bunk bed when I went in their room 2 shadow figures were leaning over them and turned to me I screamed and ran towards them grabbed them with the shadow figures beside me and ran out I never screamed like that or felt fear like that before.
I will never understand how people actively seek out places like these to live in.
Some people get excited at the prospect of living in a haunted space.
No thank you. My sleep schedule is already bad enough.
Go spook someone else please.
Men Who've Gotten A Vasectomy Share Their Experiences
Reddit user GaleNotTheWind asked: 'Men of Reddit who have gotten a vasectomy, what was your experience?'
According to the Cleveland Clinic, over 50 million men have had a vasectomy.
Although avoiding sexual intercourse is the only effective way to avoid pregnancy, the male birth control procedure still has a low failure rate.
Those who are apprehensive about having a vasectomy fear the following: pain, impact on sex life, effectiveness, and side effects like cancer. (The National Cancer Institute and the American Urological Association have found that the procedure does not increase the risk of prostate cancer).
To seek some reassurance, Redditor GaleNotTheWind asked:
"Men of Reddit who have gotten a vasectomy, what was your experience?"
Guys discuss what happened after the snipping.
Making Sure
"For the love of God, do the follow-up appointment. The last thing you want is to be accidentally playing with a loaded gun."
– sleepypanda59
Wise To Wait
"The paper work I got for mine which was done less than 2 weeks ago said that you could have sex 2-3 days after but... definitely said to wait another few days."
– SisterPhister666
Follow Post-Surgical Procedures Or Else
"Had it done twice while living in Japan no less. Why twice? The first one failed."
"... apparently, so did the second (says my now 6 year old daughter)."
– shoelessmarcelshell
These men found that the procedure itself wasn't a big deal.
Assurance
"I was super anxious, but I had a great procedure. I was more freaked out about the shot of numbing agent to the balls, but it was legit nothing to worry about."
Normal In No Time
"Little operation, blue balls and no wanking for a week, then back to normal but without getting anyone pregnant."
– Bright_Composer_3901
"Made the mistake of having a pop after a couple of days. Jesus, the regret."
– Alante
Best Money Ever Spent
"When I woke up after the anesthesia - yes I asked to be put under, best $55 (after insurance) I ever spent - the caffeine headache I had upon waking was the most painful part. The preoperative instructions were nothing but water the evening before, no water for 4 hours before going under. The Safeway brand cola that the angel aftercare nurse brought me was pure refreshment."
– HarrumphingDuck
Cherry On Top
"Local anesthesia stings for a second or two then all you can feel is tugging after all is done the pain I would describe is like blue balls for like 2 days tops. I took a week off work recommend by doctor since I’m a construction worker and the heavy lifting but I felt like after day 3 I was good to go. Cons: minor pain discomfort, no hanky panky until last semen sample came out clear. Pros: , no unplanned pregnancies(it’s still possible very rarely)."
– Secure_Requirement84
Some final thoughts.
Only Pros
"To me, the only bad part was the smell of the cauterization of my vas deferens.. the procedure was fine. Local anesthesia before and during just felt slight tugging no pain. Recovery was easy. No pain. No cons. Only pros. And if absolutely need be it’s reversible. Much easier and less invasive than a woman getting her tubes tied and significantly less harmful than birth control. I’m an advocate. Get it done!"
– PunchARacist
One Unsettling Thing
"For me, it wasn’t the smell but watching the little puffs of smoke during the cauterization. That was truly and deeply unsettling."
"Otherwise, yeah, nothing major to report. Stayed in bed for a day watching old horror movies and assembling a Lego plant. Pretty much business as usual after that."
– GuestCartographer
The One Constant
"Got a vasectomy, it worked. Got it reversed, that worked.... twice Got another vasectomy...17 years later, all good. Just go to a legit great Dr. I mean top of the field Dr. For ANY messsin around down there. Vasectomy is WAY easier now than 25-30 years ago. In/out in an hour... The only thing that hasn't changed? ... The bag of frozen peas ..😂"
– richwat00
Vasectomies are performed via two methods, the incision vasectomy or a no-scalpel vasectomy, and both use local anesthesia to numb the scrotum.
Always consult a healthcare provider before undergoing the procedure and–most importantly–make sure you don't want to have children or that you and your spouse don't want to add additional family members.
Based on the anecdotes above, there's nothing to fear, so feel free to man up and get to snipping.
The Scariest Yet Most Realistic Films About The Future Ever Made
I've always enjoyed a good scare on film and my Mother indulged my preferences as she also loved a good horror film.
While we thoroughly enjoyed a good Disney movie together, I was also allowed to watch Jaws, The Exorcist and The Omen before I was 10 years old.
Slashers and sci-fi frights were good, but to me the most effective scares involved nightmarish scenarios that might easily happen in the not so distant future.
For me, growing up Roman Catholic meant demonic possession and the AntiChrist were on the list of plausible fears.
But what films offered possible Hellscapes for others?
Reddit user beefgulash asked:
"What is the scariest—yet most realistic—future film ever made?"
Threads
"I thought that BBC’s nuclear holocaust Threads was much more terrifying and depressing than United States TV movie The Day After."
~No-Distance425
"Threads might genuinely be the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen."
~ ThorCoolguy
Her
"Her. Everyone is so online that they lost the ability to make human connections, to the point where it's a business for the main character to write personal letters on behalf of others."
"So lonely, he easily falls in love with an AI and the only one who still feels real emotions, his ex wife (Rooney Mara), is treated like a crazy person."
"With everyone too online and severely lonely, we are practically living in that emotional dystopia now."
~ grandmofftalkin
Children of Men
"Children of Men. You want to know what makes it so scarily realistic?"
"Alfonso Cuaron deliberately shot scenes in East London and asked the production designers to make it 'more Mexican'—in other words, make it look even more run-down than it already was."
"Cuaron leaned in on his own experiences in growing up in Mexico and seeing everyday poverty to bring that to look and feel to a futuristic London. The future-London isn't a gleaming metropolis—it's a metropolis on the verge of collapse and giving up."
"The battle scenes weren't fantastical as so many sci-fi dystopian films often are: they're based on real, real conflicts. Cuaron was smart to include imagery from the then-current Iraq invasion and the atrocities committed in Abu Ghraib to jar the viewer's thoughts and attentions just long enough to make them feel queasy."
"The shots of illegal immigrants in cages were disturbing then—well, they should be f*cking frightening now. Cuaron and the production designers saturated that film with little visual snippets of then-current events and fictional future atrocities to make it a highly believable—and scary—world."
~ PureDeidBrilliant
Contagion
"Contagion—a movie about a coronavirus outbreak, that pre-dated COVID-19."
~ glrd1
"When I saw that movie in theaters, there was someone coughing a few rows behind. Like, big, wet, juicy coughs..."
"I hated that immersive movie experience."
~ only_bubble_sort
"The fast killing virus that spreads around the world was a bit unrealistic but man was it a trip watching this during lockdowns."
"I'd never heard of 'social distancing' until the pandemic and it and other pandemic facts of life coming out in the movie hit home."
~ Dmzm
A Scanner Darkly
"A Scanner Darkly. A large amount of the population have become drug addicts, the government enacts a total police state, and the addicts slowly descend into insanity, and eventually are put into rehab once their brains are fried.
"Once they are 'rehabed' (they are basically lobotomized, or brainwashed) they are sent to work on large corporate farms."
"The same corporations that own the rehabs, also own the farms, and they are also the ones growing the illicit drugs that cause the whole problem."
~ CmTrumpet
The Road
"The Road. I remember seeing the premiere of it at a film festival and the director and cast were there and all smiles and jokes and so happy to be there…and then the movie plunged all of us into pure despair for 2 hours."
~ Other-Marketing-6167
"I read the book multiple times before the movie came out."
"The movie makes your heart break, but the book destroys your soul and will to live for like a week after reading."
~ Some-Philly-Dude
WALL-E
"WALL-E. The fact that Pixar showed everyone a very real future Earth if we continue down the path we're on and nobody did anything about it speaks volumes. Everyone knows sh*t's f*cked."
"I'm rooting for the roomba with solar panels who gets outside after we've annihilated ourselves, enjoy fulfilling your set purpose lil' dude."
~ Shes_dead_Jim
Gattaca
"Gattaca. If you ever watch it again listen to how they talk about him and his 'condition'."
"It’s all 'could” and 'might' and 'possibly' and similar caveats."
"His only 'condition' was being a natural birth and not a designer baby."
~ pocket-friends
RoboCop
"RoboCop. Dude dies at work. Gets resurrected to continue working."
"Also the whole bit about corporations privatizing public services."
"Feels like we're gonna be there in a few years."
~ Gentleman_Jack90
Elysium
"Elysium strikes me as the most realistic, as far as the social structure."
"You have an ultra rich class, a mercenary type 'middle' class, and everyone else is fighting for the scraps."
~ Maliluma
"Sure seems like the logic extension of the widening global gap between a few ultra-wealthy and the rest of the population."
"The ultra-wealthy already are invested in space travel, colonizing Mars, island compounds and extreme longevity."
~ RichardBonham
Logan's Run
"Logan's Run, it's a bit of a cult classic."
"In the future, there are limited places for humans to live, so everyone has an 'expiration date' regardless of how healthy they are."
"Everyone has to die before a certain age. I won't spoil it in case anyone wants to see it."
"It's an old school sci-fi movie that I have loved since I was a kid."
~ macmac360
12 Monkeys
"No one mentioned 12 Monkeys yet?"
"Found it super realistic and scary."
~ mrs_anouk
Soylent Green
"Soylent Green solves both problems of overpopulation and food scarcity.... so, maybe it will happen."
"I just hope they think of 3rd Degree Burn Scorchin' Habanero Soylent Green when they do it."
~ ketchuptheclown
Metropolis
"Metropolis. Complete masterpiece in my opinion."
~ CaptianOfCows
Idiocracy
"Idiocracy."
~ BrilliantlyClueless
"I like to believe that somewhere in that world a pocket of smart people retreated to someplace isolated like New Zealand and persisted."
~ notapunk
Zombies! 🧟♂️🧟♀️🧟
Personally, I love zombie movies based on the concept from George A. Romero's classic Night Of The Living Dead.
Zombies existed in myths and legends before Romero's film, but not in the way they do now in popular culture.
Romero's movies also always included social commentary on economic inequality, racism and the ills of unbridled capitalism.
To me zombie films show how people would react in a viral health crisis and our recent pandemic made them all the more real.
So what movies do you think are scary because they're too real?
The Worst Reasons Cheaters Have Given To Justify Their Infidelity
Infidelity in marriages isn't as widespread as people think. While some cynics would have us believe faithful partners are scarce, they account for over 4 out of 5 spouses.
Still, 16% of married couples in the United States admitted to being unfaithful at some point in their marriage.
And 57% of divorces were due to cheating.
In marriages where infidelity occurs, but doesn't result in divorce, the loss of trust is still a problem. It can make emotional and physical intimacy challenging.
So why do people cheat instead of ending their relationship before moving on?
Reddit user littlehoneybear2104 asked:
"What is the worst reason you've heard for cheating on someone?"
What's Old Is New Again
"He wanted to try something new."
"He cheated on me with his ex."
~ meeez80
GiphyPreemptive Strike
"Just in case he would ever cheat on me, I cheated first, so it's his fault for possibly cheating on me in the first place."
~ Competitive_Bat4986
Mission Accomplished
"To have a reason to end the relationship."
~ chewie_33
Tough Enough
"He said I'm strong and I can handle it."
"Like WTF? Does that give someone a free pass just to cheat?"
"Like we ain't tolerating that too. Done with that person."
~ drn-07
GiphyDream On
"Ex cheated on me because I cheated on her in a dream shehad and she was sure it was a sign that I was unfaithful in real life."
~ Craigothy-YeOldeLord
Oops!
"It was an accident."
"Yeah, 'I tripped and fell into her vagina' sounds legit."
~ dabbad525
GiphyGrow Up
"You didn’t show me enough attention the past few years! You didn’t take me anywhere! I’m the baby in my family, I need attention!”
"I worked 3 jobs, played with the kids, and finished a degree… during COVID while EVERYWHERE was closed."
~ hephaestus1219
Lockdown
"I was together with her for 14 years, married for 6 and this dipsh*t said we stagnated for a year during COVID because we didn’t go out anywhere...because she was deathly afraid of COVID."
"Some people are so pathetically stupid."
~ Virgin_nerd
GiphyUnsupervised
"My best friend in high school/college claimed it was my fault she cheated on her boyfriend because I left them in the room alone together with the she cheated with."
~ Smart_Form_9569
Too Perfect?
"My ex said it was because I was 'too perfect' and that he couldn't live up to the standard I had set by being who I was."
~ MarvelousShiggyDiggy
Trauma Response
"My cousin’s ex said she felt she had to hook up with the guy working the front register at Walgreens because of the events of 9-11."
"I’m not even kidding. This was on 9-11."
"She apparently was so upset she staggered into Walgreens and fell on the first guy she saw."
~ Big_Psychology_4210
In The Stars
"My ex cheated on me because 'August has new energy'—something to do with astrology. And yes, I mean the month August, not someone named August."
~ Frog-Thing
Giphy*yawn* 🥱
"The relationship just got boring"
"Their marriage seemed perfect inside and out, except she got bored of being a wife and mother."
"She tried fighting for the marriage after her affair partner died of a heart attack and husband called her out on her bullsh*t."
~ DevilinDeTales
Some people aren't meant for commitment, but that should be something they disclose to their partners before they cheat.
It would avoid a lot of wasted time and heartbreak.
When it comes to flirting, everyone has their preferences of how they like to be flirted with. Some people like cleverly crafted pickup lines.
I always thought pickup lines were a cheap way to get someone's attention. That being said, there are some good ones out there. I've been on the receiving end of both. "On a scale from one to America, how free are you tonight?" and, "You must be the square root of two because I feel irrational around you."
Both got me to engage in conversation, and I even dated the guy who used the first one for a while.
I'm not the only one that knows some good pickup lines. Redditors have both heard and used some pickup lines and are eager to share their favorites.
It all started when Redditor Sauce_Dealer420 asked:
"What's the best pickup line of all time?"
Read It And See
"You put the sexy in dyslexic."
– koookyko
"This made me laugh so hard."
"Because I can read properly."
– TappedIn2111
I'm Hooked
"This girl I used to work with and I went to a bar after work and we’re having fun, and she leans over to tell me a joke. And she says:"
"Three boy mice and a girl mouse were all stuck in a room with no doors and no windows. One of the boy mice asked the girl mouse how to get out and she said, “Sleep with me tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning.""
"The next day, he is gone. The second boy mouse asks the girl mouse how he got out and she says, “Sleep with me tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning.""
"Next day, he’s gone too."
"So now the girl telling me this joke says to me, “Do you want to know how the last mouse gets out of the box?”
"And I say “yes.""
"And she says, “Sleep with ME tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning”. All this while staring me in the eyes and smiling."
"I said, “Check please bartender!!""
"I forgot to ask her in the morning, but that was the best pickup line I’ve ever heard."
– reb678
Statistics
"The odds we sleep together are 50% because half of us agree so far."
– AlfheimKitteh
"Math is always super sexy."
– Acceptable-News-6811
Money, Money, Money
"Hey girl, are you the English financial system? Because I'm about to give you a weak pound."
– onemanwolfpack21
"Yo girl, do you know exchange rates? Because Euro 10."
– kkirchhoff
Winner, Winner
""Are you a magician? Cuz every time I look at you, everyone else disappears.""
"This line got me a wife and three kids. 😊"
– PRSHZ
One Liners
"Are you a beaver? Cuz damn."
– Starry_Night-
"If you were a fruit you'd be a fineapple."
– Slainna
"Hi, do you want to go for a ride on a Harley?"
"(My name is Harley) 😁"
– OMNIxvTRIX
No Losers
"If I asked you for a date would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this question?"
– SchemePale6222
"I got blue screen in my head."
"Explain please."
– TastyToothpasta
"You can't lose. Say no, the answer is yes. Say yes, the answer is also yes."
"Dang sounds kinda creepy writing it out like that. Still clever wordplay though."
– Steeze_Schralper6968
Clever
"My go-to was always:"
"I used to be a history teacher, so I know lots of important dates. Want to help me make another one?"
"A little corny, but it usually worked."
– StuffToday
Refreshing
"That one actually worked with my ex on the first try."
"-Hey, do you like water?"
"-Yes."
"-Then you like me in 70% already."
– azurskyy
Sneaky
"Would you date a complete stranger?"
"If she says “yes” you’re in."
If she says “no.”
“Then allow me to introduce myself.”"
– Blastspark01
Playing Coy
"Once a girl came to me and told there was somebody who thought I was cute."
"I asked her who and she said “Me.""
– evil_boy4life
Prop Lines
"You have to have a handful of limes available to do this:"
"Hold the limes, drop the limes in front of the lucky person. Then say 'Sorry, I'm not very good at pick up limes.'"
– cannibalcats
Egg-cellent
"Best one that worked for me was:"
"Me: How do you like your eggs?"
"Her: Over easy, why?"
"Me: Just making sure I have things right for when I make you breakfast in the morning."
– Radiant_Boss4342
The Best Line
"How you doin?"
– 2x4x93
"There was a time when this was the ONLY line you could use!"
– JohnsLong_Silver
That line would definitely work on me!