Sometimes seemingly harmless statements might not be as harmless as that person thinks.

Backhanded compliments, invasive questions- plenty of "innocent" things can absolutely crush someone.

And these Redditors are going to tell you their worst stories.


Redditor sneha_magic asked:

"What innocent question that someone asked you, crushed you a little?"

This is so sad.

"My mom accidentally called me after about 10 years of not talking. I answered all ready for a serious conversation. When I answered, she was like 'wait, who's this?' I say 'hey mom it's me.' Her reply is what hurt."

"Who? Why are you calling me mom?"

"She was so drunk she didn't recognize her own daughter's name. F**k'aye."

fragglerawks

What conversation were they thinking of?

"A friend looked at me and said 'I know we've talked about it before, but how did you break your nose?' I've never broken my nose this is just how it looks."

HumpOnALog

Giphy

That's gotta be tough.

"My son undergoing chemo and radiation treatment for a bone marrow transplant. People, meaning well of course, would always ask 'how's your son doing?' I'd always have to fake a smile and give some shallow hopeful answer 'he's fine. He's a fighter' but deep inside the question crushed me every time. No, he was suffering. Teetered on the brink of Life and death. He was not 'fine' and Everytime I heard that question I was reminded of it and had to swallow the pain. My son has since recovered, but it was a very tough time."

GameQb11

She sounds like a good person.

"I went to get a haircut for my Fiance's funeral. It was Friday. He had died on Tuesday. My stylist, all bubbly, said, 'It's been awhile!! The last time I saw you, you were just about to move in with your boyfriend! How's it going?' The words stuck and I kind of rasped it out."

"Honestly though, her reaction was so wonderful. She was behind me, and just put her hands firmly on my shoulders and looked me in the eyes in the mirror. No shock, no stupid platitudes, just silent, genuine empathy. The rest of the haircut was pretty quiet, but she did everything so... like, lovingly, and didn't make a big deal out of it when I cried a little."

RaptureReject

Oof.

"Nonverbal, but the nurse at the flu shot station seemed unsure whether to give me the under-65 or over-65 consent form. If I'm going to be mistaken for being that much older than my actual age, at least it should be in the context of me getting a senior discount."

Frankie_Bow

Giphy

Insensitive of them.

"'Rough night last night?' Usually asked with a big smile."

"I was asked that all the time when I was younger because I had a really obvious tremor. Thing is, I did not drink or do drugs at all and I had no idea what was wrong with me. I was eventually diagnosed with Graves' Disease and treated for it, but I still have a bit of a tremor."

imk

That does hurt.

"I teach 1st grade and was talking about how I've been married for 5 years. One student asked, 'How could you not have a baby by now?' Not wanting to explain multiple miscarriages and IVF to a classroom of 6 year olds I said, 'Being around all of you makes my heart so full that I don't think I have room in my heart for a baby!!' They all smiled. I smiled too. I've learned from my experience to never ask couples when/if they want to have a family."

Asquirrelgirl

How sh*tty.

"I had no friends in summer school and a girl asked me if I had any friends. Like straight up, 'Do you have any friends?' Then became friends with me but still."

boringassy

"Did she have any friends?"

Tohabath

Giphy

This is heartbreaking.

"'When will you get better so you can play with us?' My niece who was to young to understand what disabled meant. She's older now and understands I will never get better. And we have adapted play time to do things i can handle as well. But that broke my heart."

littletrashpanda77

The smallest questions can be the toughest.

"'How are you handling everything?' - my notary public who also happens to be my boss's boss while notarizing my divorce paperwork. Completing a divorce packet with no help from an attorney can be a real pain, but at least it kept me focused on the bureaucratic bullsh*t nonsense part of it rather than the fact that my 9 year marriage was ending. Turned out that as soon as someone asked me sincerely how I was doing, the answer was not at all well. I went back to my desk and had a panic attack."

oyofmidmidworld

The Big Car

"Just happened recently actually. A few years ago I had a pretty awesome life, I was married. My husband and I were trying to have kids and when I needed a car we just got me an SUV in anticipation for needing it for kids (he had two and we planned to have 2-3)"

"Well things didn’t work out and he ended up dying from drinking himself to death in January and between that and 2 miscarriages, an ectopic and an IVF cycle that failed I’m slowly coming to the realization that I’ll never be a mother. It’s painful to say the least."

"The kid I nanny for was sitting in my car and we were discussing his day when he says 'nanny why do you have such a big car when it’s only you?' I wanted to cry right there on the spot, it just really stung. But instead I told him it was because I knew I would be watching him and I needed a car big enough for him which seemed to placate him and he then started discussing Batman with me."

SuperGurlToTheRescue

I Hate School

"I grew up lower middle class and my parents had been severely injured by a drunk driver at the end of my 8th grade year and were disabled and no longer able to work. We basically had no money for school clothes but my mother tried to get me a few cool shirts."

"I wasn’t a popular kid and most people didn’t really know much about me. In my freshman year of high school, one of the popular girls in my class asked, 'don’t you have more than 3 shirts? I only ever see you in the same 3 shirts.' High school in the 80’s in the United States sucked."

liablemtl

She didn't hear...

"A waiter asked me if my wife was pregnant once. She was just bloated from chemo side effects. Crushed me, so glad she didn't hear. She couldn't have had kids and she passed 2 years back."

"Edit: I just wanted to say thanks to those who commented on this, it wasn't expected. We went to the place a lot so as a young couple he had seen over the years it was probably a reasonable thing to assume."

"Also I'm doing ok, we knew she was terminal for most of our relationship, we probably did more in those few short years than we would have normally. It hurts a lot still but I know I have her everything I possibly could in that time. Just remember to live life like each day could be your last people, mend that broken friendship, ask out that girl, follow your dream. XXX."

TheMrJacobi

Photo Issues

"I got asked why I wouldn't stand up straight for a photo. I have kyphosis and am standing up as straight as I can."

foxturtle123

New Girl Facepalm GIF by HULU Giphy

“staying strong”

“'I could never imagine getting cancer at such a young age. How are you this strong/brave/do you stay so positive?' - I’ve stopped counting the amount of people (especially working at the hospital, I’d expect a bit more sensitivity from them) that have asked me that. Yes I’m mid 20’s, but it’s not a choice that I’m 'staying strong.' it’s freaking survival. Every time someone asks me that, it feels like getting punched."

alonelymushroom

Contacts

"Specialist appointment and they did the normal thing of checking contact details. They asked if the contact number and details for my wife were still correct. I started crying - my wife passed away this time 12 months ago. Surprising how much one simple question asked in total innocence can bring you to your knees."

M1r9f7i9sh

yadda yadda...

"My recently divorced ex and I worked at the same place. Divorce was not my idea but he'd found someone new and I was heartbroken. He ended up quitting at her insistence. 6 months after the divorce was final, a coworker asked how ex husband was doing, hadn't seen him since he quit yadda yadda."

"Behind my back another coworker was trying to wave 1st coworker off... spent the rest of the shift crying on and off. Apparently coworker #1 was oblivious and didn't know we'd divorced, just thought ex had quit."

xceptn2therule

"Who are you?"

Mom asked me, 'Who are you?' when I visited her recently. She has dementia."

socrates_scrotum

Sad Rabbit GIF by Muffin & Nuts Giphy

Texas

"Why don't you live with your parents?"

"I live with my grandparents because I didn't want to live with my abusive stepmoms on both sides of the family. They all live down in Texas while I'm in Colorado. Still hurts a little when people ask, though."

lowkey_h8_myself

Too Much

"What do you see when you look in the mirror each morning?"

"My friend was having some body issues and she asked me this question since I was one of the most confident people she knew. She learned maybe a bit too much that day."

Cyanora

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