Security guards are the unsung heroes of every mall, parking lot, and concert. They've seen some s**t, am I right? But what are the weirdest things they've seen? Keep reading to find out!
u/LightCaramel asked: Security guards that view cameras, what's the weirdest thing you've seen?
Furious rat.
Was working in a manufacturing facility that did injection molded plastic. One night about 2am one of the machines came on and started running all by itself. I could see it running on two of the cameras. Went to investigate and shut it off. Back to my desk.
Two hours later I see it come on again. Shut it off again. Turned the controllable camera towards it and zoomed in to watch.
About an hour later, just before staff usually starts coming in, i see the problem. There was a rat that was furiously clawing and gnawing at the panel. He managed to bump his ass into the start switch and kick it on.
They weren't allowed to leave the machines "ready to go in the morning" anymore.
Pool noodles
Giphy
I was filling out some forms in the security office with the two guards on duty. It was long after hours and very dark out. Heard a "What the F**k?" from a guard and looked up.
A whole bunch of college students, dressed in next to nothing, were whaling on each other with pool noodles.
The fight passed in front of the main doors, into the parking lot, and, finally, one group routed the others out of the area.
Guards just sighed and went back to filling out forms. One commented offhand "looks like blue won this time".
Olympic sports
My wife and her co-workers scheduled some fun "olympics" events for their team. One of them was "synchronized office chair swimming," where they choreographed routines of riding around in spinning office chairs.
About an hour later, her friend is chatting it up with security and they are laughing their burr off. They call her over where they are watching the security camera video of synchronized office chair swimming hilariously trying to figure out what these people could possibly be doing.
We all hope it was dry.
Used to watch cameras at a high-end car dealership. Watched a guy dry-hump a Bugatti Veyron for 3 minutes before on-site security removed him.
You hope it was dry.
The shrugging his shoulders is the best part.
Giphy
A few weeks ago someone walked into one of our unsecured banks that was left unlocked by whoever was working there last... The guy walked around like he owned the place, taking candy off the teller line counter, a stack of brochures... He snooped around for a good 5 minutes, every camera he saw he'd just shrug his shoulders and smile - ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I had the police dispatched, they arrived ~30 minutes after the guy walked out with his pockets full of candy and brochures.
What made it strange is that there were 2 officers that entered, guns drawn, and cleared the place. 10 minutes later, 8 more police officers arrived with a K9, sent the K9 through the entire bank, then had 5 other cops clear the building. I'm guessing they used the opportunity to train the boots because their response was way too heavy lol... Another 15 minutes go by and a bank employee arrives to secure the building and that was that. No way they could've caught the guy, the entire watch was inside the bank long after he left...
Another time we had a loose squirrel in one of our banks, the thing set off every motion alarm in the building and just wouldn't stop, had to set the entire place in advisory to stop getting notified! It was fun watching the little guy run along knocking stuff off all the teller counters though.
Snogging
Once had a teenage couple snogging (making out) against the back door where I work, unaware I could see them. Managed to get their attention and they "moved" away but only by a couple of feet. I switched to the back door camera and in my innocence I originally thought the girl was bending down to do up her shoelace...... nope!
Managed to call for the manager over the PA system who came running because I sounded like I was crying (I was crying but with laughter). The look of horror on this poor lads face as the door opened and they were caught will stay with me forever!! The manager and I nearly had heart attacks we laughed that hard. Genuinely the funniest thing we had ever seen!
Does this bird belong to you?
Honestly at this point I am unfazed by the spontaneous dancing and singing. Especially when you've been through stuff like Gangnam Style where every dad tries the moves when he thinks he's alone.
The thing that stays with me is some guy picking up a dead hedgehog from the parking lot, stuffing it in his coat and having a dead bird fall out. Crazy stuff.
[deleted]
Those darn nuns.
Giphy
I've shared this story before, but my first job out of college I used to work as a electrical engineer for a major security firm (worldwide global, with a lousy reputation), the job was designing cameras, junction boxes, security systems power calculations, etc.
One of my first assignments there was to help write a report about a security breach at a nuclear storage/research facility that was using a security system our company had implemented for them.
To summarize the breach, a group of octogenarian nuns broke into a secure nuclear facility and started painting the storage buildings in their own blood, and we had to review the footage to find out how they breached our security system. The footage was as gnarly as it sounds.
How did they break in? It turns out the site had spent millions on hiring us to design, test, integrate, and train them on a state-of-the-art security system of cameras, motion sensors, microwave detection systems, and fiber optic fence lining, only for them to turn most of it off to save on power/nuisance alarm costs.
OMG....
Obligatory not a security guard, but one time I was interviewing for a position at a restaurant. They brought me back into the office to get some paperwork done and you could see a feed of the camera at the back entrance of the store. We were just sitting there chatting while I'm filling out forms when suddenly a girl appears on camera.
She then looks around, drops her pants, and pees next to the dumpster. After she was done she looked around again, and then up, and then spotted the camera. She scurried away quickly after that.
Weird....
Not a security guard, but I kept finding my workstation tampered with when I came in for work (cables unplugged, etc.). I suspected my sociopath supervisor. He didn't realize I knew how to work the security system. What followed was a very amusing video clip of him waiting until everyone else was out of the room, furtively looking around, then reaching back and unplugging the cable on my system.
I set a still from that as the background on our videoconferencing machine on the day I quit. That jackass was the reason I had my workstation fully Bitlocker encrypted and equipped with redundant hard drives.
"Lankyman".
Giphy
I used to work at a secured Mental Health Unit ran by the state. Our cameras were down during this incident, but I still wonder if they wouldve helped explain anything... the whole thing gave me the willies. I was probably the creepiest thing I have ever had happen to me while working there.
I worked 3rd shift. It was a few nights before Halloween. I was tasked with sitting outside a juvenilles room- she was recently in the news nationwide for an unprovoked attack on a classmate. She blamed her actions on a fictional character who was predominantly featured online. We will call him "Lankyman"
The juvenille was in the process of getting ready for bed when I arrived. PJs on, she turned to shut her door and right before the door latched, she whispered to me, "Lankyman comes to see me every night."
I (internally) roll my eyes and tell her goodnight before settling into my squishy plastic chair and I open my book.
In the darkened hallway.
Of a 100 year old mental hospital.
A few nights before Halloween.
3 a.m. rolls around, and the hospital is quiet. Im still sitting on my chair outside juvenille's room. The halogen bulb of the light above me starts to hum. I stare at it. It intensifies.
POP
All the lights of the hallway go out, and for a brief second, I'm plunged into complete darkness. But I still hear the hum. What I first suspected was the swan song of a dying lightbulb... now resembles the sound of static.
The emegency lights pop on, and my co-worker passes by me on a census round. We chat a bit, before he brings up the sound. He askes if I hear it. Yep.
I watch him quietly open up patient rooms, looking for the source. We decide it's likely a clock radio-most radios struggle to connect to any station inside the hospital, I suspect ancient lead paint and asbestos may be to blame. However many patients thrive when they keep themselves on strict routines. So the hospital provides them.
About ten minutes of un-fruitful searching passes before we share a look of sudden understanding, and Im certain our thoughts were synchronized.
The power is out.
Ten seconds of complete silence pass between us. Bricks may have been shat.
I open my mouth to vomit forth the first of many "OMG, WTFs" ...but we silently decided that neither of us really wanted to know.
We never discussed the incident afterward.
BTW, the power outage was caused by a coworker driving back from lunch. Slid off the road into a power line. That was her second DUI that year. She got the first one while transporting patients. Weird place to work, it was...
Spoooooky.
Not a security guard and neither is the person in this story, but it's still sort of related so I may as well share it even though nobody's gonna see this prolly. It's a story my dad told me a little while back.
He once worked at a little dollar store, with a couple of other people. We'll call them Jake and Lisa. He mostly worked the register, and he and one of the other employees would stay at night and empty out the cash registers and stuff in this room in the back that had a bunch of screens in it where you could watch what the security cameras were filming.
This store had a lot of weird stuff happening in it though. At night, whenever all the customers left, the lights would start to flicker like in Stranger Things or something. And sometimes things would mysteriously fall off of shelves, too. Like, things that were super far back on the shelves with nobody nearby.
One night, my dad and Jake were in the back of the store emptying out the registers like always, and Jake said he saw something running by on one of the security camera screen things, but he couldn't tell what it was. My dad looked up, but he didn't see anything. They searched the store, and didn't find anything.
This happened a few more times within the next couple of weeks. Then, one night when he was in the back of the store with Lisa, they both caught something running by on a screen. Just a sort of tall, shadow-y humanoid figure. They went to search the store, and found that an entire shelf had been emptied, with everything that it held on the ground now.
They looked around for longer, and Lisa suddenly got scared and told my dad that she saw something running past them. They went looking for it, and again there was nothing. Then Lisa turned and saw a freezer door closing like somebody went in there. She ran over and tried to open it, but it was stuck. My dad tried, and he couldn't get it open either. They both tried it together, and they started to open it for a second, but it was suddenly pulled shut from the inside. So they used all their strength and finally got it all the way open, looked inside...
And it was totally empty.
It was pretty weird. My dad's always been a skeptic and doesn't really believe in ghosts or anything, but I don't know what he must've thought of all that.
That's not something you see every day.
When I was in high school, I would chat with the security guard sometimes (just friendly conversation). One day he's like, "Come watch this," and he shows me a video on the security cameras of the lunch room with kids eating.
Everything seemed normal at first, and then all of a sudden, someone comes in wearing a gorilla mask. He starts climbing on tables and walking around where people are trying to eat. Needless to say, they got in trouble lol.
That's definitely a choice.
Giphy
I'm not a security guard but I walked into the office one morning with everyone crowding the computer with the footage on it and theres this guy who comes in and washes everyone's car once a week, and when the dude finished he hooked the hose up to a shower rig on his truck and took a shower. Right there in the parking lot. On camera.
That's so sad.
Saw a mother holding her son in a headlock.
Officers who reported on scene and recording prior to seeing that showed that the son punched his sister in the face twice, then the mom once. In order to get him to stop, she held him in a headlock.
Police arrive and after stopping the fighting, the son decides to just walk away and not listen to the cop, which very promptly got him arrested. He was asked for his name from the officer, and he responded "my d**k". Got all of us laughing. Seriously a f**ked up kid, but that was a bit funny considering every day is super boring and mostly nothing happens.
And while a candidate is fit to lead remains to be seen, we rely on our instinct to choose someone with whom we can relate.
But sometimes, our options are limited and we inevitably go with someone who is the lesser of two evils.
Curious to hear from strangers online about a hypothetical, Redditor Cashmeresquid2309 asked:
"Americans of Reddit, would you vote for an openly Atheist presidential candidate? Why or why not?"
Redditors were quick to point out the answer was a no-brainer.
We Already Know The Answer
"Asking Reddit if they'd vote for an atheist..."
"I feel like the answer would be obvious."
– sarahmagoo
Sci-Fi Analogy
"Americans of Reddit, would you vote for a Star Wars fan who heckin loves doggos?"
– WitnessChemical
For The Atheists In The Crowd
"Atheists of atheistville, would you vote for an open atheist?"
– nixcamic
Others weighed in with a range of opinions.
About 45
"What's funny is how many of them would probably say no, even though they voted for Trump and would do so again. Say whatever else you want about him, but I seriously can't understand how anyone could genuinely believe Trump is a Christian. He's so obviously faking it and is undoubtedly the most atheistic president we've ever had or are likely to have for a long time."
"This is a guy who's never even so much as read the Bible or attended church, who told a conservative radio host his favorite Bible verse was 'an eye for an eye', who told evangelical interviewers that he's never asked God for forgiveness because he's never done anything wrong, and who routinely commits all 7 deadly sins (pride, greed, wrath, envy, lust, gluttony and sloth) without remorse."
– empfindsamkeit
From A Different Perspective
"Not an american but interestingly according to this survey on 1006 people from 2007, being atheist was the worst thing you could be as a candidate (of the things asked) with only 45 % of people saying they'd vote for one."
– ilovecatfish
An atheist candidate isn't necessarily a big strike.
Double Negative
"I wouldn’t not vote for someone just because they were atheist."
– HabitualEnthusiast
Credibility First
"This is it. If they’re running on platforms I support with a history to back up those campaign promises, I don’t care if they belong to the church of the flying spaghetti monster. They could literally be a member of the satanic temple and I, an actual practicing Christian, would give less shi*s than a constipated sloth."
"Edit: yes, I realize the Satanic Temple does not actually worship satan. I used it for that purpose. The Church of Satan has some…problematic views and I probably would not vote for someone who literally holds a platform of eugenics."
– Phoenix_of_Asclepius
Some view the role of religion in politics as important.
It Depends
"Religion can be relevant: I would have strong reservations about voting for a Scientologist, even if I agreed with the policies they proposed. I would have strong reservations voting for a member of an apocalyptic cult or, possibly worse, a follower of the (highly heretical) 'prosperity gospel,' which unfortunately includes more and more so-called 'evangelicals' — I didn't vote for George W. Bush, but it's not because he was an evangelical."
"It depends on the role: I'd probably be more flexible with a legislator than an executive (mayor, governor, president), as their character is IMO more important than for a legislator and their policy stances somewhat less important relative to a legislator."
"Satanic temple — well, that's just an organized group of atheists and humanists with an intentionally inflammatory choice of name. They're generally fine people."
– alyssasaccount
A Bad Rap
"The Satanic Temple is an excellent organization that every decent person should be able to respect. A Church of Satan member, not so much."
"There's a huge difference between them!"
– StarsEatArtBooks
And Redditor boganvegan said it best.
"Better an open atheist than a fake Christian."
It all boils down to trustworthiness. Without full transparency, how could anyone put their faith in a candidate who spews nothing but lies?
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I'm always freaked out when I'm home alone. Lights on. Yeah, my electric bill is high.
Dorothy?
Wind Conan Obrien GIF by Team CocoGiphy"I dreamed the front door blew open at the exact time the house alarm went off... I hopped up and sure enough, the front door was open. No intruder."
fatowl
I See You
"Not home alone but only one in right side of the house. Went to my mom's bathroom to wash my hands and saw a pair of feet behind the half open door. Laughed and said 'very funny Ma, I see you.' then finished up and left. Bumped into my mother in the kitchen unpacking, nobody else was in the house. I'm glad whatever was behind the door didn't peek out."
SatanWithFur
“It’s Doug!”
"One night I had forgotten to lock my apartment door and woke up in the middle of the night. My bedroom door was about 2 feet from my front door, as you walked into the apartment. First a big dog ran by, then a person. Holy crap I was so scared and I screeched 'Who is it?!?!!'"
"A man said 'It’s Doug!' As I was thinking to myself, who the f**k is Doug, he said 'oh, crap.' He turned around to go back out the front door saying 'Sorry.' I asked 'Didn’t you have a dog with you?' He said 'Oh, yeah. Hey, c’mon!.' He left, his dog ran out after him and I locked my front door."
"Edit: glad you all thought this was funny, because I did too, once my heart quit trying to beat right out of my chest! The next day the girls at work thought I was crazy for not being upset, but eh, done is done. Peace!"
scarletohairy
Confused...
"My sister and I were home alone and we heard someone big running up the stairs. The stairs make lots of noise with slight pressure so when there’s someone big on them you can tell. I went out of my room to check but saw no one anywhere and my sister also came out of her room and she asked if that was me I said no and we both looked around to see if there was anyone but found no one in the whole house. We were confused and called our parents and just waited until they got back and that was that."
JtSudbury04
I See You
Staring I See You GIF by QuikTripGiphy"I very clearly saw a guy walk into my room. But when I went after him there was nobody there. I checked in the closet, under my bed, everywhere one could hide in my room."
HighlyOffensive10
This is why home video surveillance is key.
"NO"
Season 5 No GIF by The OfficeGiphy"My parents were on a road trip, just left, and I sat down at my desk. I thought 'Weekend alone by myself' and a voice yelled into my right ear 'NO' so loud it hurt."
Th4ab
Wild
"I managed to lock myself out of my house on my birthday during a tornado while trying to bring my cats to the basement for safety. I later found out that the tornado was approximately a couple miles or less from me at that exact time. The sky was green and it got weirdly calm and then I could hear what sounded like a train coming before I found an unlocked window to climb through. Wild times."
SilverGnarwhal
Saturday morning in the 80s...
"I wasn't home alone but I was awake by myself one Saturday morning in the 80s when I was around 7 or so. I believe my mom was the only one home because my dad went to the lake to go fishing that weekend, and I'm not sure where my older brothers were, maybe they went with him, idk."
"Anyways, my mom's sleeping in, and I'm in the living room by myself, watching Saturday morning cartoons and making a fort out of sheets and cushions. Something made me turn around and I saw my dad in his pajamas standing in the hallway entrance with his hands on his hips, looking the mess I was making and shaking his head."
"He then turned around and walked into my room, which was just off the hallway entrance. Dude. I didn't even look, I just booked it to my parents room and woke my mom up. I don't remember what happened after that, this was around 35 years ago. And yes, my dad was fine, nothing had happened to him."
smriversong
Get the Bat...
"I was at home by myself on a call with some friends when all of a sudden my dog begins to bark like crazy, which was odd since it was the middle of the night and he's usually sleep. I go downstairs to check on him and find him barking at our hall closet, terrified I grabbed my bat that I keep in my room just in case and open the door. There was nothing out of usual at first at then I look down and notice a familiar looking object at the bottom of the closet."
"It was my mom's necklace she had lost when I was 9, (i'm 15 now just to put in perspective how long it's been). I showed it to my mom at breakfast and she was just as shocked as I was. I still have no clue how it got there or how my dog knew it was in there, definitely one of the oddest occurrences of my life."
SomeRandomIdiot14
Meow
Happy Cat GIF by ChubbiverseGiphy"Many years ago, I was 14 or so, my first night alone in the house when my parents were out. Lying on the living room floor reading, my cat sleeping next to me."
"Suddenly, cat wakes up, stares intently into the dark corner of the room behind me, hair on end, growls and then bolts out of the room and upstairs. I look behind me and see nothing, but follow cat upstairs and hide under the covers. Freaked me out."
LairdofWingHaven
Thank God for alarms. I hate being home alone.
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The body freaks me out. But it's all I've got. So teach me some things.
Minutes...
death GIFGiphy"The fastest killing virus takes around 4 days to kill you. That would be Ebola. Your immune system can kill you in 15 minutes."
will477
'locked-in'
"If your brainstem (the part of the brain that mediates most motor control for all of the body) is damaged, you can get 'locked-in' syndrome. That means you're fully conscious and aware of your surroundings but unable to move or speak. The only muscles that remain unaffected in most people are the muscles that move they eyes and the eyelids."
"You're essentially trapped within your own body with your only way of communication being blinking or moving your eyes It can be caused by toxins, blockage of the basilar artery which is the main artery of the brainstem, or other brainstem damage."
4oodler
Explosions
"Some people suffer from Exploding Head Syndrome, which causes them to hear a loud bang when they wake up."
ToraMix19
"When I was younger I believe I experienced this a few times. Sounds I heard were: about a million people talking and laughing all at once, a train that irl would've been about a foot away from me based on the volume of the sound, and a door slamming loudly."
aliaisacreature
Pain
"Not sure if this is by design, but I totaled my car once, almost completely uninjured somehow. Then I looked down to my right hand which I remember jabbing into my dashboard at 55mph. Luckily (unluckily?) only my pinky took the blow. But instead of a floppy-udder full of bone-sand, my pinky was 0.5 inches long."
"Broke no bones, but instead perfectly stacked my phalanges, or finger bones, INTO my hand. This is fixed by a muscular Russian murse grabbing your pinky with both hands and pulling very hard. God I wish they gave me more lidocaine."
TelevisionOlympics
Functions
animation art GIFGiphy"If you have a surgery where they need to move your organs around they might not function for a day as the body assumes that they are dead."
tonythebutcher13
Move things around? You mean that's not fake when it happens on "Grey's Anatomy?"
Basketball Wives Ugh GIF by VH1"The only reason you are not aware of it is because the ambient noise kind of drowns it out because your ears focus on it. If you go to one of those super-silent rooms that absorb all sorts of sounds, it is a really weird way to reacquaint yourself with your body."
Black_Handkerchief
The Mouth
"Idk about the most disturbing but how bad human teeth are. We’d think it’s our sugary and processed diets these days that cause it, but even Otzi the iceman discovered in Italy was found to have terrible teeth, mouth diseases and cavities. It’s odd that even with the most basic of diets our teeth are so bad."
Dorianisconfused
In the bowels...
"I noticed this after my abdominal surgery. When I turned over in bed my guts seemed to fall from one side to the other. Mentioned to my doc and she confirmed it was my bowels rearranging themselves."
squatter_
"Apparently the doctor just throws your intestines back in there higgeldy-piggeldy because there isn't a correct way to pack them neatly."
LostDesigner9
A Quick Burst
"There are a vast number of ways that your body can malfunction and kill you with little or no warning. An aneurysm can go undetected until it bursts and kills you. Getting hit in the chest just the right way can stop your heart. You can encounter an allergen that never previously provoked an immune response that freaks out your body so badly that you die. You literally just never know if your body will just... die."
Unsolicited_Spiders
The body is such a conundrum. Sexy and gross all at once.
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