Security guards are the unsung heroes of every mall, parking lot, and concert. They've seen some s**t, am I right? But what are the weirdest things they've seen? Keep reading to find out!
u/LightCaramel asked: Security guards that view cameras, what's the weirdest thing you've seen?
Was working in a manufacturing facility that did injection molded plastic. One night about 2am one of the machines came on and started running all by itself. I could see it running on two of the cameras. Went to investigate and shut it off. Back to my desk.
Two hours later I see it come on again. Shut it off again. Turned the controllable camera towards it and zoomed in to watch.
About an hour later, just before staff usually starts coming in, i see the problem. There was a rat that was furiously clawing and gnawing at the panel. He managed to bump his ass into the start switch and kick it on.
They weren't allowed to leave the machines "ready to go in the morning" anymore.
I was filling out some forms in the security office with the two guards on duty. It was long after hours and very dark out. Heard a "What the F**k?" from a guard and looked up.
A whole bunch of college students, dressed in next to nothing, were whaling on each other with pool noodles.
The fight passed in front of the main doors, into the parking lot, and, finally, one group routed the others out of the area.
Guards just sighed and went back to filling out forms. One commented offhand "looks like blue won this time".
My wife and her co-workers scheduled some fun "olympics" events for their team. One of them was "synchronized office chair swimming," where they choreographed routines of riding around in spinning office chairs.
About an hour later, her friend is chatting it up with security and they are laughing their burr off. They call her over where they are watching the security camera video of synchronized office chair swimming hilariously trying to figure out what these people could possibly be doing.
We all hope it was dry.
Used to watch cameras at a high-end car dealership. Watched a guy dry-hump a Bugatti Veyron for 3 minutes before on-site security removed him.
You hope it was dry.
The shrugging his shoulders is the best part.Giphy
A few weeks ago someone walked into one of our unsecured banks that was left unlocked by whoever was working there last... The guy walked around like he owned the place, taking candy off the teller line counter, a stack of brochures... He snooped around for a good 5 minutes, every camera he saw he'd just shrug his shoulders and smile - ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I had the police dispatched, they arrived ~30 minutes after the guy walked out with his pockets full of candy and brochures.
What made it strange is that there were 2 officers that entered, guns drawn, and cleared the place. 10 minutes later, 8 more police officers arrived with a K9, sent the K9 through the entire bank, then had 5 other cops clear the building. I'm guessing they used the opportunity to train the boots because their response was way too heavy lol... Another 15 minutes go by and a bank employee arrives to secure the building and that was that. No way they could've caught the guy, the entire watch was inside the bank long after he left...
Another time we had a loose squirrel in one of our banks, the thing set off every motion alarm in the building and just wouldn't stop, had to set the entire place in advisory to stop getting notified! It was fun watching the little guy run along knocking stuff off all the teller counters though.
Once had a teenage couple snogging (making out) against the back door where I work, unaware I could see them. Managed to get their attention and they "moved" away but only by a couple of feet. I switched to the back door camera and in my innocence I originally thought the girl was bending down to do up her shoelace...... nope!
Managed to call for the manager over the PA system who came running because I sounded like I was crying (I was crying but with laughter). The look of horror on this poor lads face as the door opened and they were caught will stay with me forever!! The manager and I nearly had heart attacks we laughed that hard. Genuinely the funniest thing we had ever seen!
Does this bird belong to you?
Honestly at this point I am unfazed by the spontaneous dancing and singing. Especially when you've been through stuff like Gangnam Style where every dad tries the moves when he thinks he's alone.
The thing that stays with me is some guy picking up a dead hedgehog from the parking lot, stuffing it in his coat and having a dead bird fall out. Crazy stuff.
Those darn nuns.Giphy
I've shared this story before, but my first job out of college I used to work as a electrical engineer for a major security firm (worldwide global, with a lousy reputation), the job was designing cameras, junction boxes, security systems power calculations, etc.
One of my first assignments there was to help write a report about a security breach at a nuclear storage/research facility that was using a security system our company had implemented for them.
To summarize the breach, a group of octogenarian nuns broke into a secure nuclear facility and started painting the storage buildings in their own blood, and we had to review the footage to find out how they breached our security system. The footage was as gnarly as it sounds.
How did they break in? It turns out the site had spent millions on hiring us to design, test, integrate, and train them on a state-of-the-art security system of cameras, motion sensors, microwave detection systems, and fiber optic fence lining, only for them to turn most of it off to save on power/nuisance alarm costs.
Obligatory not a security guard, but one time I was interviewing for a position at a restaurant. They brought me back into the office to get some paperwork done and you could see a feed of the camera at the back entrance of the store. We were just sitting there chatting while I'm filling out forms when suddenly a girl appears on camera.
She then looks around, drops her pants, and pees next to the dumpster. After she was done she looked around again, and then up, and then spotted the camera. She scurried away quickly after that.
Not a security guard, but I kept finding my workstation tampered with when I came in for work (cables unplugged, etc.). I suspected my sociopath supervisor. He didn't realize I knew how to work the security system. What followed was a very amusing video clip of him waiting until everyone else was out of the room, furtively looking around, then reaching back and unplugging the cable on my system.
I set a still from that as the background on our videoconferencing machine on the day I quit. That jackass was the reason I had my workstation fully Bitlocker encrypted and equipped with redundant hard drives.
I used to work at a secured Mental Health Unit ran by the state. Our cameras were down during this incident, but I still wonder if they wouldve helped explain anything... the whole thing gave me the willies. I was probably the creepiest thing I have ever had happen to me while working there.
I worked 3rd shift. It was a few nights before Halloween. I was tasked with sitting outside a juvenilles room- she was recently in the news nationwide for an unprovoked attack on a classmate. She blamed her actions on a fictional character who was predominantly featured online. We will call him "Lankyman"
The juvenille was in the process of getting ready for bed when I arrived. PJs on, she turned to shut her door and right before the door latched, she whispered to me, "Lankyman comes to see me every night."
I (internally) roll my eyes and tell her goodnight before settling into my squishy plastic chair and I open my book.
In the darkened hallway.
Of a 100 year old mental hospital.
A few nights before Halloween.
3 a.m. rolls around, and the hospital is quiet. Im still sitting on my chair outside juvenille's room. The halogen bulb of the light above me starts to hum. I stare at it. It intensifies.
All the lights of the hallway go out, and for a brief second, I'm plunged into complete darkness. But I still hear the hum. What I first suspected was the swan song of a dying lightbulb... now resembles the sound of static.
The emegency lights pop on, and my co-worker passes by me on a census round. We chat a bit, before he brings up the sound. He askes if I hear it. Yep.
I watch him quietly open up patient rooms, looking for the source. We decide it's likely a clock radio-most radios struggle to connect to any station inside the hospital, I suspect ancient lead paint and asbestos may be to blame. However many patients thrive when they keep themselves on strict routines. So the hospital provides them.
About ten minutes of un-fruitful searching passes before we share a look of sudden understanding, and Im certain our thoughts were synchronized.
The power is out.
Ten seconds of complete silence pass between us. Bricks may have been shat.
I open my mouth to vomit forth the first of many "OMG, WTFs" ...but we silently decided that neither of us really wanted to know.
We never discussed the incident afterward.
BTW, the power outage was caused by a coworker driving back from lunch. Slid off the road into a power line. That was her second DUI that year. She got the first one while transporting patients. Weird place to work, it was...
Not a security guard and neither is the person in this story, but it's still sort of related so I may as well share it even though nobody's gonna see this prolly. It's a story my dad told me a little while back.
He once worked at a little dollar store, with a couple of other people. We'll call them Jake and Lisa. He mostly worked the register, and he and one of the other employees would stay at night and empty out the cash registers and stuff in this room in the back that had a bunch of screens in it where you could watch what the security cameras were filming.
This store had a lot of weird stuff happening in it though. At night, whenever all the customers left, the lights would start to flicker like in Stranger Things or something. And sometimes things would mysteriously fall off of shelves, too. Like, things that were super far back on the shelves with nobody nearby.
One night, my dad and Jake were in the back of the store emptying out the registers like always, and Jake said he saw something running by on one of the security camera screen things, but he couldn't tell what it was. My dad looked up, but he didn't see anything. They searched the store, and didn't find anything.
This happened a few more times within the next couple of weeks. Then, one night when he was in the back of the store with Lisa, they both caught something running by on a screen. Just a sort of tall, shadow-y humanoid figure. They went to search the store, and found that an entire shelf had been emptied, with everything that it held on the ground now.
They looked around for longer, and Lisa suddenly got scared and told my dad that she saw something running past them. They went looking for it, and again there was nothing. Then Lisa turned and saw a freezer door closing like somebody went in there. She ran over and tried to open it, but it was stuck. My dad tried, and he couldn't get it open either. They both tried it together, and they started to open it for a second, but it was suddenly pulled shut from the inside. So they used all their strength and finally got it all the way open, looked inside...
And it was totally empty.
It was pretty weird. My dad's always been a skeptic and doesn't really believe in ghosts or anything, but I don't know what he must've thought of all that.
That's not something you see every day.
When I was in high school, I would chat with the security guard sometimes (just friendly conversation). One day he's like, "Come watch this," and he shows me a video on the security cameras of the lunch room with kids eating.
Everything seemed normal at first, and then all of a sudden, someone comes in wearing a gorilla mask. He starts climbing on tables and walking around where people are trying to eat. Needless to say, they got in trouble lol.
That's definitely a choice.Giphy
I'm not a security guard but I walked into the office one morning with everyone crowding the computer with the footage on it and theres this guy who comes in and washes everyone's car once a week, and when the dude finished he hooked the hose up to a shower rig on his truck and took a shower. Right there in the parking lot. On camera.
That's so sad.
Saw a mother holding her son in a headlock.
Officers who reported on scene and recording prior to seeing that showed that the son punched his sister in the face twice, then the mom once. In order to get him to stop, she held him in a headlock.
Police arrive and after stopping the fighting, the son decides to just walk away and not listen to the cop, which very promptly got him arrested. He was asked for his name from the officer, and he responded "my d**k". Got all of us laughing. Seriously a f**ked up kid, but that was a bit funny considering every day is super boring and mostly nothing happens.
It's easy to get caught up in the past.
...so long as we knew what time of day it was going to be on.
What's something nostalgic for your age group?
Video games today are horrible!
Give us a 2-dimensional side-scroller of an Italian plumber fighting a dragon monster and nothing else good for many more years after that. Who needs all these fantastic releases, year in and year out, every year?
How Do We Enable "Big Head Mode?"
"Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, b, a, select, start"
"My toddler son has a toy game controller that plays a little jingle if you put this code in. I loved that they put that little Easter egg into a kids toy and it makes my husband smile every time he does it."
When Was This Old? *cries in tired old man
"Anytime recently I've tried to get back into Minecraft it breaks my heart because the game just feels so different now. I played it from 2010 up until 2018 or 19 almost religiously, but the past couple years have really changed the game. I'm sure it's just as fun to play now, but it doesn't have that same nostalgia factor anymore like it used to."
Tests Of Parenthood
"Neopets in 2005"
"My girlfriend at the time made me take care of one as a test for being a father. Literally."
Some things you long for aren't actually possible to do anymore, leading to the reasoning this is why the nostalgia is at an all-time high. What's worse than missing something that no longer exists?
The Smell, The Sounds, The Sights, The Ambience
"Going to Blockbuster with my friends on a Friday"
"Renting cheesy horror movies and making fun of them with the group!"
You Can Miss That?
"Dial up modem noises"
"Kiiiiiiiiiiii…kiiuuuu…kiiiuuuu.. it was something like that right? I even forgot."
"And then I used to open yahoo login page and do some other work for few minutes and come back while it loads, and then enter id password, hit login and then get a coffee until it loads."
Illegal, But, Yeah
"I remember the really early days of mp3 sharing, before P2P came along. There were hundreds of FTP servers that you could connect to with huge libraries of mp3s. No domain name, just a raw IP address that you found somewhere on usenet."
"But they couldn't just give it away, because then everyone would take and nobody would give. So they had quota systems: you'd upload an mp3, and for every byte you uploaded, you'd get to download 2, or 3, or maybe even 5. And this was over dialup, so uploading or downloading a single file could take 30 minutes."
"But it was FTP. Very simple and dumb. There was no memory of your "credits" between sessions, so if you uploaded a bunch of stuff and then lost your connection, you were SOL."
"It amazes me to think how much time I spent getting a few songs that today I can play any time I want on Spotify."
For some people, this next section will sound silly.
For others, this was our childhood, which sadly (when you really think about it) revolved around a television schedule we had no input on, meaning we had to plan everything out around when the next episode of Power Rangers aired.
Cartoons After School Are The Best
"Anime on Toonami. Cartoon Cartoon Fridays"
"Toonami had really great western cartoons as well. I loved watching Samurai Jack, Ben 10, Teen Titans, and Clone Wars on Toonami growing up."
"Old Cartoon Network, spiky gelled hair"
"Old Cartoon Network" is an interesting answer because people are gonna have different ideas about what "Old Cartoon Network" is. I think of Ed, Edd n Eddy and Codename: Kids Next Door. Another commenter mentioned Gumball which is still well after my time."
When Life Revolved Around Someone Else's Schedule
"Born in the 70s, grew up in the 80s...I remember huddling around the TV as a family to watch certain things."
"For some reason, they would show The Wizard of Oz every year on network tv..and it was a big deal. My mom would make popcorn...in a pot on the stove (It was the 80's) and we'd sit on a blanket on the floor and watch."
Or Friday Nights....Dukes of Hazzard (when it was new). Mom would get takeout from Burger Chef...and we'd sit on the floor eating hamburgers watching 'dem Duke Boys at it again."
"Or in the summer....they'd show Creature from the Black Lagoon 3D on tv. 7-11 would give out free 3-D glasses."
"For the younger Redditors....this was well before any kind of streaming/on demand service...and back when cable TV and VCRs were still a luxury that a lot of people didn't have. So, you really only got to watch what was on the few channels that your antenna allowed."
"Another one is coming home from school to watch old shows like Gilligan's Island, The Munsters, The Addams Family, Batman, F-Troop."
"Or staying up late and at midnight....the TV would play the National Anthem....then show a control screen and just "BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP" like this: https://youtu.be/Cnchea6LHN0"
The good ol' days.
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When determining how to spend our life in a way that feels worthy, many place a heavy emphasis on experiences. We want to die with scars and stories.
And sticking our necks out inevitably leads to a whole lot of struggle. But that doesn't mean we wouldn't do the same thing the very next day if we could go back.
Some things, though we'll never do them again, were too important an experience to pass up.
Redditor JackIrishJack asked:
"What should you do once, but not twice?"
Many people talked about the life experiences, big and small, that influenced their outlook. They recommend people go through some discomfort to gain important awareness.
A Capacity for Empathy
"Working in the food industry I feel like everybody should do it once so they can have a respect for food workers but it's also a hell I never want to go through again"
Paying for a Daydream
"Buy a lottery ticket"
"You're not going to win, but buying a lottery ticket gives you the chance to dream and pretend. Having a second lottery ticket isn't going to make your dreams more vivid."
Plenty of Implications
"Visit Auschwitz. I firmly believe everyone should go visit it so as to not forget what humans are capable of doing to each other. But no need to visit twice. Once was enough for me."
Others brought up things which, if done twice, would be a sure sign that something is very very wrong.
Supposed To Be Permanent
"Learning how to walk. The first time - good on you. Having to
relearn a second time means something went terribly wrong."
Only Two Sets
"Lose all of your teeth" -- Outrageous_Cream_112
"Haha I had to think about this for a second" -- ApplesauceDoctr
Don't Wanna Find Yourself There Too Often
"Get beaten half to death breaks the concepts of your limits. Second time breaks the spirit. Third time is overkill."
Others apparently viewed the question as an opportunity for a little cleverness.
If You're Good
"Cut...you measure twice before." -- wxguy215
"For me its more like 'measure twice, make sure it's just a teeny bit too long then go back and shave it off little by little until it wedges in perfectly' " -- pistpuncher3000
As the Saying Goes
"Fool me" -- Thia_suzieUzi
"FOOL ME THREE TIMES FU** THE PEACE SIGN LOAD THE CHOPPA LET IT RAIN ON YOU" -- nixusthegod
Only a Couple to Work With
"Donate a kidney" -- RealisticDelusions77
"Donate one kidney, you're a hero. Donate two kidneys, you're a corpse. Donate three kidneys, you're a felon." -- Drach88
"Be born. Going through the birthing process again would probably kill my mother." -- cylonrobot
Here's hoping we can all find the healthy balance between living a full, experienced life and punishing ourselves a little too much.
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Lies. Life and "wisdom" is littered with lies. Simple, everyday truths we tell ourselves and others are just a fabrication.
I know we want everyone to stay upbeat throughout our time on this Earth, but how desperate do we have to be to swallow some of this poppycock?
It gets better. Times heals wounds. Alcohol doesn't help with weight loss. I love you. Nonsense! Maybe I'm in a mood and exaggerating a smidge, but not by much. LOL
Redditor u/OptionsTrader14 wanted to gather up intel on what parts of popular chatter are just not up to snuff these days by asking:
What popular sayings are actually bulls**t?
Seriously, looking back, how did we not start questioning the origins of these sayings long before we tried to implement them? Or at least when we reached ages when we should know better. Cue the gaslight...
I'll take an Orange!apples caities classroom GIF by Super SimpleGiphy
"An apple a day keeps the doctor away! Damn, the older I get, the more I wish it were that simple."
"Love is never having to say you're sorry." I think from the movie, Love Story. Stupid and ridiculous."
"Said to Ryan O'Neil in "Love Story." In "What's up Doc?" Barbara Streisand quotes the line to Ryan at the end and he replies: "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard"
The past year it has been "We're in this together."
"NO F YOU!"
More than Twice
"The lightning never strikes twice in the same spot." Yes, it does. Especially if that spot is a high metal structure, it will be struck twice, even more than just two times."
"Without a lightning rod, these strikes would ground themselves through the building's wiring, or through the people working on one of its 103 floors, causing untold amounts of damage."
SnuffWhich Way Flex GIF by HollyoaksGiphy
"That'll buff right out."
I do love apples. And I don't have to see the doctor often, so maybe there is merit there. Plus that one is easy, somebody just wanted somebody else to eat healthier. Just say that! And I like to focus on a different kind of buff.
like an adult...cry baby GIFGiphy
"Sleep like a baby. A more accurate description for it would be pissed the bed twice and woke up screaming."
"We're all in the same storm together. But most of us are in rowboats, a bunch are treading water in the waves without so much as a life jacket. Meanwhile a handful are in their mega yachts looking down on everyone else, talking about how terrible the storm is."
"Finish what you started. No, sometimes the thing I started was a bad idea and maybe I should do something I like better."
"Do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life. Well, I do what I love and I'm an unemployed alcoholic. Somehow, I don't think whoever said that first had this in mind."
"Do you really love it if it involves a lot of tasks you hate? I feel like that's just a job you don't love if you're not enjoying the bulk of it. Sounds just like you love the results of it, love the impact, not that you enjoy the day to day. Then you're just not doing what you love on a day to day basis."
"I've had a lot of jobs I hated and loved, currently love. It makes a HUGE difference, between being depressed and not. I knew my life would be way better when I found a good job I loved. Now I'm getting over alcoholism and cut way the heck down, and don't feel like I need to drink to cope."
"The "never work a day in your life" just means you'll never feel that stress of hating your job every day like many do. It doesn't literally mean you won't work, just that those stresses of work will be so unimportant and not make you feel like crap."
At Capacitybrain power GIF by nogGiphy
"Teacher of mine have a good metaphor to illustrate the non sense. He said "areas of the brain not being all stimulated at the same time might sound like a non optimal way of using a machine."
"But now take a traffic light, we can say I works 1/3 of its capacity at time (one color represents a signal) and if it worked 100% all the time, putting all the colors at once, you agree it could be very dangerous for the traffic right?"
That baby one is so true. I never thought about that one. And now I'm going to stockpile a list of sayings and begin origin research. Expose the lies! And just use common sense.
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Whenever I visit clothing stores, I make it a point to fold the clothes I unfurl. That is apparently my downfall as a customer.
Because of this, fellow customers often peg me as an employee and always ask me questions like where the bathroom is, or if the store has certain sizes left in stock.
Umm, no, I don't work here. I'm just a responsible customer. As you were.
Many of us make assumptions about other people just by looking at them. Who knew we were so presumptuous?
Curious to hear the experiences of strangers online, Redditor lilmizzvalz asked:
"What do people assume about you, based on your appearance?"
People often misinterpret moods based on how someone looks. That's unfair, wouldn't you say?
"That I'm caring and supportive. I have a resting nice face."
"That I am always mad. Nope just dissociating and staring off into space."
Not Meaning To Be Mean
"That I'm mean. I have a resting mean face for a dude I guess. Also lately it's worse because I'm bigger now. I don't really notice how my face appears but apparently, I seem angry when I'm looking at stuff."
"'You should smile' and 'are you ok?' comments followed me from busboy, waiter, bartender my whole career."
When it comes to measuring intelligence of others, some people are just way off.
Hard To Live Up To Expectations
"That I'm clever. People keep saying it to me, but I'm dumb and that sh*t is hard to live up to."
"I have glasses."
Eyes Full Of Wisdom
"I apparently have something similar going on mixed with looking like I know sh*t, because people come up to me in public and ask about directions, bus schedules and stuff all the time. Like, they'll deliberately avoid other people to ask me. Including when I'm abroad and should look a bit out of place."
"They assume I have an intellectual disability. (And also that I'm deaf, since I'm not able to speak.)"
"No, I am a person with two university degrees who happen to need a wheelchair because of a nasty neurological illness."
People don't always look their age. Some don't even act their age. But these Redditors have gotten their fair share of wrong guesses for their ages.
"That I'm 15."
"I'm 38 and a doctor. 'Did you just finish school?' EVERY DAY."
"This thread was depressing to read as I am 38 but often get mistaken for 50. I hate y'all and your youthful beauty."
Some people are typed out as certain types of people with just one look.
Watch Your Tone
"That I have a southern accent. Not one stranger has ever suspected that I have a 'New Jersey' accent (Born and raised in New Jersey before moving south)"
Not A Biker
"That I ride a Harley and/or work on them. I'm bald with a long goatee and tons of tattoos, but I'm in IT for a living and don't ride motorcycles at all."
Like others have expressed in the thread, I've also been accused of having "resting b*tch face."
You know, that neutral expression where you're not smiling the one time you're not in a situation where you have to be "on" for other people?
Yeah, that one.
If someone's resting face comes across as unfriendly, well, perhaps it's best not to upset them by asking them what's wrong all the time. Just sayin'.