Mae West said that life was a party, only most people didn't know they were invited. Mae West clearly was not hanging out in 2020.
Parties are still, essentially, illegal for tons of people. A pandemic is raging, killing thousands of people daily. Multiple countries are flirting a little too hard with socioeconomic collapse. Entire groups of people are under near-constant attack just for who they are.
Wars rage. Fires burn. Things are ... intense.
And that's just the stuff about "life" in general. That doesn't even begin to touch the personal shortcomings and tragedies that happen to us all.
Yeah, all.
Nobody, regardless of how much they may "have it all," lives a life without sadness.
One Reddit user asked:
What is the saddest truth about your life?
... looks like it's time for some trauma bonding, fam. Like one commenter said:
"it's almost comforting to know sometimes I'm not alone in my aloneness."
Great Expectations
That no matter what I do or say, I will never live up to my own expectations of myself. I'm a disappointment to myself, if that makes sense.
Yup. I left high school with a scholarship to study at the top university in my country. Won a Science Olympiad award. I was on the track to do amazing things.
Then, I f*cked it all up by being me.
I actually did the work and put the effort in, largely ignoring socializing and group events.
Which turned out to be worse than useless during and after college because everyone else got their jobs by meeting people at parties and get-togethers - in other words, networking, a far more valuable skill than the garbage they teach in the official curriculum.
Boring
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I'm bored. Everything is boring, nothing interests me. I tried many things to do, but ultimately, nothing is fulfilling my and become boring very quickly. I haven't really had anything that I enjoy in a decade.
I find pleasure in small things, but it's always temporary. Nothing lasts, nothing I can always return to.
Whenever I find something that I enjoy, I lose interest pretty quickly and need to find something else.
- stilbia
This is exactly it. Nothing is fun. Hasn't been for more than 10 years. Just sort of doing the things I'm supposed to do, waiting to die.
I have no hobbies since I don't really have time. (I work from home full time, maintain a big house & yard and do all cooking, shopping, laundry etc. Also watch grandchild 4 days a week).
I liked to travel, but there was none of that in 2020. Now I'm pretty old and imagine I'll die soon.
What's the point?
No Idea Where To Start
I have lived half my life hiding who I am and changing me and my behavior to please other people, afraid of rejection that I lost sight of who I am. I have never been able to just be myself and I have no idea where to even start.
Having a lot of different "personalities" but not knowing which one is you and which ones are personalities you mirrored off other people feels really scary, to be honest.
Worst thing about it is that some people think you are a fake friend because you behave different around everyone. I am not a fake friend, I simply just don't know how to behave otherwise and be myself.
Working Hard
I was always taught if you work hard and do the 'right thing' that the world will recognize this and eventually the struggle will end and you'll be okay...
I did those things and got screwed over too often for it to be true.
The world owes you nothing, I get that. But if you work your @ss off for something only to continually be kicked down again and again, what's the point of trying to be better at all?
I was taught to expect hard work and dedication to pay off.
I was fed that lie too.
I was the a-hole my whole life. I absolutely f*cked everyone over at every chance and did horrible, messed up, things.
This year realized the scary truth that in the end, I screwed myself over most of all.
People who were doing good things and worked hard are the ones who are happy. F*ck money. It won't make you happy.
Screwing people over and manipulating will only leave you alone and whacked in head with trust issues.
Trust me.
- 1van116
No Purpose
Once my daughter grows up I will have no purpose in life
This made me tear up. My dad, even though he passed away when I was little, will always be my bestfriend. I always remember him every single day, especially when I am going through a hard time or when I accomplish something in life.
I wish I could call him on weekends and I wish he could hug me when I cry alone. I get jealous when people talk about their dad. I'm 23.
Don't say such a thing. Of course you'll have a purpose when she grows up - one my dad can never fulfill. As a parent your purpose in life is to be her best friend.
Growing up without him honestly was not hard. What comes after growing up; the struggles and life in general, is hard and that's when I wish I had my dad with me.
- Nabi77
I'm so sorry you lost your dad , I can't even imagine how hard that must be. Tons and tons of internet hugs.
I think your dad would be super proud of the person who you've grown up to be - your kindness is radiating
Alone
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I'm pretty convinced I'll die alone as I have no real friends or relationships and a very distant family.
I plan to one day, once I have enough saved up, sail away on a boat across the world's oceans. If I make it that's great! I would have fulfilled a lifelong dream of circumnavigating the globe, rounding the cape horn, visiting Greenland and Antarctica.
If I get wiped out in the Southern Ocean, I'll at least die on my own terms and become ocean food rather than dying alone in my apartment where no one finds my body for weeks...
What always gets me is that people always say how you need to let someone know before you go on any adventure like a long cycle ride or camping/hiking trip etc. But who would I tell? Like I even have the crash alert disabled on my Garmin for my bike because I don't have anyone who's number I can put in.
Same when anyone asks me to enter my next of kin details. I'm literally here all on my own. I do wish there was someone I could rely on such situations, someone's number I could enter on my phone as an SOS contact, so anytime I'm asked to enter the next of kin/emergency contact details, I won't have to get embarrassed.
I'm reading other people's stories ... it's almost comforting to know sometimes I'm not alone in my aloneness.
Entirely My Fault
Most of the problems I have in my life are entirely my fault.
Everything I don't like about my life, including things that it's now too late to change, were entirely within my power to fix had I done something about them in the past. And the personal flaws that caused me to screw those things up still cause me to screw things up today.
This sounds like something I would do. Self-sabotage is a real thing.
You feel like you don't deserve more; but you do. Treat yourself better - you would probably never be this hard on other people. Don't be so negative towards yourself.
- tahmias
The Hardest Lesson
I'm not really evil, just hurt.
Inside of all of this supposed malice and scary exterior is a traumatized and injured little child too frightened to come out and be vulnerable again and if I don't find a way to let go of the past, I will inevitably hurt every single person I love.
When I woke up to the realization that I did terrible things for no reason other my own pain, I shifted my attention to others. My feelings of guilt made me try and heal the world instead of myself and as I worked on my redemption I became a mentor for those who were as broken as I was.
Especially in romantic relationships. This became an addiction and a very unhealthy Messiah complex.
It wasn't until last year that I finally realized that I cant really help anyone until I helped myself. That the progress I helped others make was limited - they had to leave me behind or stay under my guidance forever without actually growing further and who was I to guide, given that I still had all these inner demons I couldn't face?
I just created co-dependece.
That's why I turned my focus back to myself and started confronting my past. My mental health took a dip at first. But now, with no one around to distract me from my own issues, I am finally making a bit of progress.
I know that I will go back to helping others, as it is something I enjoy and sincerely believe in. But you can't help anyone unless you are willing to help yourself.
Self-love is one of the hardest lessons to learn.
What Do I Want?
That I could do better in life, at least career wise, if I just KNEW WHAT THE F*CK I WANT!
I did insurance, re-stocking supermarkets, caretaker, some more insurance, postal (just within city limits) and I currently drive an non-emergency ambulance.
If the sh!t hits the fan we will do get called as well. I've been at this job since 2015. The job is about 70% ok to good, but the last 30% eat up my substance.
I've wanted "something new" since I was18, but can't make my mind up on WHERE and WHAT to do!
Is recommend some interest assessments. Literally pointed me to careers I'd never heard of, including the field I finally moved to after dabbling in far too many other things. They weigh how you answer questions compared to those of similar backgrounds in lots of different fields. Gave me a lot of insight into where I could put my abilities to best use.
Far Away
I moved to this new city and bought this new house to create a better life for my spouse and myself... but that isn't what happened. Instead, the job didn't pan out, the new city didn't help make anything better/more fun/easier for my spouse and me, and I live further away from my loving family.
I am incredibly lonely all the time and just overall sad at the current state of my personal relationships.
A change of scenery is nice, but often times you realize that basically every city offers the same stuff.
There's the same ethnic food everywhere now, you got a museum, a theatre, a venue for live concerts and a new sports team to root for and maybe and something different to look at. Without people to share that stuff with, it's honestly not great moving around a lot.
People will go somewhere on vacation, romanticize the place and new experiences they had, and then move there, then fall into the same rut in a new place without any close friends or a support network around. It's something to consider when moving a long way away.
Not to say don't ever do it, but like, weight the pros and cons, because it's not all pros.
As someone who moved far away from their family 19 years ago, I feel this.
Kind Of A Loser
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I'm kind of a loser.
I have very few friends, a couple of which don't treat me the best at times. I dropped out of college, wasted a scholarship, and am stuck working a BS minimum wage service industry jobs.
I'm fortunate enough to have few bills, but I'm still struggling with money. I only have a place to live due to the kindness of my best friend and her family.
I'm always tired. I'm always worrying. I feel stuck in this life with no way out. I don't have a 5 year plan.
I know what times I work this week. I'll find out my work schedule for next week on Saturday. I wake up, lay in bed as long as possible, tend to the cats, and go to work.
Come home, lay in bed, attempt to sleep, repeat.
Accustomed To Turbulence
I'm so used to having turbulent relationships (romantic/familial) that I can't imagine being in a healthy relationship where I don't have to fight tooth and nail for everything.
I'm so used to having bad partners that I can't imagine what it's like having a good partner. That, and not having to argue about why I want something even though it's a basic standard.
I'd like to try dating again but spent so much time alone and quarantining that I don't know how to feel around others or open up. I still enjoy people's company and talking, but on deeper levels I feel complete disconnect sometimes. I don't feel disconnected from myself, but I feel I've always had to prove myself and I don't want to anymore.
Especially to people who don't even add value to my life and cause more problem.
At the end of the day I just want kindness and warmth from someone. I do everything on my own and handle it always no matter what transpires. For once, I wish someone would let me feel small and hold me.
Not sure how to say it but with everyone here airing their pain, I hope somehow you feel less alone and more validated.
My Superiors
I put so much pride in my professional accomplishments that the smallest misstep will screw me for days. I'll sink into a deep depression and have turned to substance abuse in the past.
I let my superiors dictate my mental health, and have worked and worked to win over some ethereal sense of trust/approval by my superiors.
No Luck
Just as a premise, I know my life is much better than most people, and I don't like people feeling sorry for me, but I'll answer the question, so here it goes: I'm 30 years old, and I've still never dated anyone in my life. Not even a "puppy love" relationship when I was a kid, or the typical teen dating adventures people have.
I know that sounds like a typical Redditor complaint, but unlike many of these other complainers, I don't have Social Anxiety Disorder(SAD), or any form of shyness. I'm actually really social, and good at talking to people, as well as outgoing(when there's not a pandemic). I've only told a handful of people this in my life, and when they find out, they're surprised because of how good I am talking to people.
I'm not picky either, and I've used dating apps, etc. I've never lived in the most vibrant, or social area, so that could be a factor, but other than that, it's just been bad luck. I wish I could say my situation is by choice, but it's not.
Let's hope when the pandemic ends, my luck turns around.
McJob Cares
I work at a fast food job. I have a roommate who works grocery and sometimes has seizures. He will have them every couple months but he will have like 6 over the course of 10 hours. We are trying to find a med that works for him but so far he has been doing well taking CBD.
His grocery store always gets a crummy attitude with him when he has his seizures. Because he has the multiple, but more minor seizures I will call in to work to keep an eye on him (I have fished a naked roommate out of the tub, for example). My bosses are far more understanding about my missing work than his job is.
He has had several seizures over the years at his work and the last time he had one there, his assistant store director saw video from security and a co-worker's cell phone and said "I don't see anything".
How sad is it that my literal McJob has more concern for my roommate that they have never met than his own job does for him!?
- SouthPaw7896
I Was So Idealistic
I have approximately 5 years left to live due to heart failure. Possibly 10 years maybe just 1 more year.
I'm 49 now, found out when I was 48. I feel like I've wasted my life and haven't made a dent in the world. I was so idealistic when I was younger and truly believed I would help save the world or do something to make a difference.
I was wrong, so very wrong.
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But we should also be prepared and ready to ask the right questions to have a leg up on the competition.
"What is THE best question to ask on a job interview?"
A company's history or information about a past employee were suggested subjects appropriate for questioning.
Prior Knowledge
"When you were interviewing here, what would you have liked to know before you joined?"
"This worked for me. I asked my interviewer a question about how she had personally dealt with a company policy she had just explained. She bragged about her stellar adherence to the policy. I nodded my approval. I got the job."
A Previous Employee
"One that has always gone over well for me:"
"What were some qualities that the previous employee in this role brought to the job that you would like to see carried forward?"
"Another good thing to do is research the company you are interviewing with and you can ask things about what they may be involved in or you could drop that while reading about the company, you wondered this."
Hypothetical questions were suggested as helpful examples of inquiry.
Indicators Of How Companies Treat Employees
"A question that landed me a job once was: 'If I asked your direct reports about your management style, what do you think they'd tell me?' Stumped a hiring manager and he emailed me personally to tell me about it, no one ever asked him that question but got the job.
"In my current interviews I'm asking 'what did your company do for its employees during [the virus] to improve their day to day, work life balance, etc.' and I ask 'Is there anything your company adopted during [the virus] that they plan to keep post [the virus]?"
"These questions give a lot of insight into whether a company treated their employees well."
Past Performance & Adjustments
"If we were currently sitting in my 1 year review, what would I have done in this year for you to say I excelled in my role?"
"If I could snap my finger right now and change anything about your job or the company, what would it be and why?"
The following questions about a prospective company may not be answered from initial digging on their website.
Measure Of Success & Career Trajectories
"How is success measured in this role?"
"What are some possible career trajectories within the company that could stem from this position?"
Being A Solution
"Ask them what is the biggest problem you can solve for them in your first six months with the company. Similar to 'don't think of a purple hippo,' this forces them to imagine you succeeding in the position."
Simply The Best
"Who is your best employee and why is he/she the best?"
"You will then face 2 situations mostly:"
"panicking CEO who can't answer you 'Bob who works 17 hours a day for a slice of bread' so the fear in their faces must be a big nono for you"
"entusiast CEO who actually follow their business and can tell you who is an added value for the company and why."
– ThePiz91
My experiences with job interviews are different than others seeking work in office environments.
Having had a years-long career as a dancer, my "interview" was the dance audition, where hopefuls dance in small groups of people at a time after learning a routine and then awaiting their fate after the panel evaluates their performances.
The question I may or may not have asked in such a scenario earlier in my career was: "Did I make the cut?"
I did not make the cut. And I learned never to ask that again.
I remember the worst date I ever had. My biggest regret is that I stayed for the entire thing. I should've left as soon as I realized this was not going well, which was basically at hello. But he was paying so I drank, a lot. I'll keep names and dates to myself to protect the innocent.
0/10
Big Brother Reaction GIF by Big Brother After DarkGiphy"Went to brewery, date said I had hairy arms and that meant I was horny, said "you look really awful in this light" and then tried to dig out of that hole by saying in his native language that was a term of endearment long term couples said to each other. 0/10 did not date again."
Lucky 13?
"My wife wanted to plan our 13th wedding anniversary. I was excited because usually, I plan it. She bought us some new disc golf discs and after a quick supper, we went to play. We hadn't played in forever. We were laughing and I had a great time. She served me with divorce papers and told me that the date was a test to see if she still had feelings for me. I also learned that she was having an affair that started well before our anniversary."
- rmorlock
Two Hours from Home
"Not necessarily a date but a person I was dating invited me to his parent's house for the afternoon. He wanted to introduce me to them and show me the house he grew up in. I thought it was super sweet and had no problems going. He was also in the middle of moving and needed to pick up a few things, so it really didn't seem that unusual."
"Yeah, we got there and it was awful. His entire family was there. They traveled from hours away too. This was not just meeting the parents, it was meeting the ENTIRE family. Even worse? At some point, this idiot told his parents that he had proposed. We had been dating TWO months. I spent the entire afternoon dumbfounded and just playing along."
"We were two hours from home and I had no cell service, no way to leave at all. We ended up spending the afternoon brainstorming wedding ideas and planning an Alaskan honeymoon that his parents planned to gift us. His brother even called to say congratulations! We drove back to his apartment in silence. When we got there, I got in my car and left, didn't even bother grabbing my stuff. Weirdest experience ever. I have no idea how he broke it to his parents that we weren't getting married."
You're Cut Off!
"Got set up on a blind date once between mutual friends. She shows up to the restaurant already a little tipsy, orders multiple appetizers and only takes like one or two bites from each one. Then she proceeds to order 3 or 4 more drinks and is visibly drunk at this point. She gets up and says she's going to the bathroom and staggers off. About 15-20 minutes go by so I try to call her several times but no answer."
"Finally I decide to pay the check and just leave. About 2 hours later I'm sitting at home and I get a call from an unknown number. It's the police department. She was picked up on a DUI on her way home after she ditched me and gave the cops my number to see if I could go bail her out!"
- mox44ah
Sorry?
Bbc Three Idk GIF by BBCGiphy"Well, I gave this answer on a different topic, but it ties in with this. We were out on a date, we had been seeing each other for a while, close to a year maybe. She gets a phone call. Suddenly she looks destroyed. Her fiancé had just died in a motorcycle accident."
What in the world? I mean how can we ever expect to pair off with the dating pool being inundated with liars and nut jobs? I'm going to delete my apps.
Girl, Bye.
Sassy Beyonce GIFGiphy"Had a girl openly flirt with the bartender in front of me. She says she wasn't. But handing him her own phone and asking for his contact info in front of her date seems like it to me."
Crazy!
"Came out from a movie, late at night, and date's Camaro was stolen. Apparently, he called his WIFE (that I did not know he had) and let her know where he was and what happened. She showed up and realized he was on a date! She started chasing ME around the parking lot telling me she was going to kill me. Saved by the cops who showed up just in time to take the auto theft report."
Hey Mom
"Met a girl at a country bar one night in my 20s. We were both pretty drunk but hit it off pretty good. Ended up getting her number and we agreed we'd go on a real date. Fast forward to the date, she gets in my vehicle and... she looks almost identical to my mom. I was mortified. I was polite and we went for lunch where I found out she also had a boyfriend she "wasn't sure if she was into". Never talked to her again."
- SgtGo
Liars...
"When I was in college many years ago, before the advancement of cell phones and social media, I was chatting with a girl I met on a BBS who lived on Long Island, NY. I was 18 at the time, but lied and said I was 22 because she said she was 25. We spent a few weeks emailing each other, as well as calling each other."
"We even exchanged pics. When we finally met up, things blew up. Turns out we both lied about our ages: She was really 33, and lied because she thought she looked younger. She admitted she sent a college photo to me. We still had dinner together, but it was awkward as hell. We never spoke again."
Doubles
Kill Me Now Season 1 GIF by FriendsGiphy"It was a double date. She was more interested talking to the other girl throughout the whole thing. Found out later from the other guy that his girl cheated on him with my date."
Ummm... I think I'm just going to stay single. That is a handful of crazy. Why can't people just be honest? I swear the search for love warps people's brains. Be careful out there people.
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