Great Expectations

That no matter what I do or say, I will never live up to my own expectations of myself. I'm a disappointment to myself, if that makes sense.

- AmeriCanuck2010

Yup. I left high school with a scholarship to study at the top university in my country. Won a Science Olympiad award. I was on the track to do amazing things.

Then, I f*cked it all up by being me.

- Smart-Connection6154

I actually did the work and put the effort in, largely ignoring socializing and group events.

Which turned out to be worse than useless during and after college because everyone else got their jobs by meeting people at parties and get-togethers - in other words, networking, a far more valuable skill than the garbage they teach in the official curriculum.

- PotentialRegister8

Boring

I'm bored. Everything is boring, nothing interests me. I tried many things to do, but ultimately, nothing is fulfilling my and become boring very quickly. I haven't really had anything that I enjoy in a decade.

I find pleasure in small things, but it's always temporary. Nothing lasts, nothing I can always return to.

Whenever I find something that I enjoy, I lose interest pretty quickly and need to find something else.

- stilbia

This is exactly it. Nothing is fun. Hasn't been for more than 10 years. Just sort of doing the things I'm supposed to do, waiting to die.

I have no hobbies since I don't really have time. (I work from home full time, maintain a big house & yard and do all cooking, shopping, laundry etc. Also watch grandchild 4 days a week).

I liked to travel, but there was none of that in 2020. Now I'm pretty old and imagine I'll die soon.

What's the point?

- Vampira309

No Idea Where To Start

I have lived half my life hiding who I am and changing me and my behavior to please other people, afraid of rejection that I lost sight of who I am. I have never been able to just be myself and I have no idea where to even start.

Having a lot of different "personalities" but not knowing which one is you and which ones are personalities you mirrored off other people feels really scary, to be honest.

Worst thing about it is that some people think you are a fake friend because you behave different around everyone. I am not a fake friend, I simply just don't know how to behave otherwise and be myself.

- Another_Human-Being

Working Hard

I was always taught if you work hard and do the 'right thing' that the world will recognize this and eventually the struggle will end and you'll be okay...

I did those things and got screwed over too often for it to be true.

The world owes you nothing, I get that. But if you work your @ss off for something only to continually be kicked down again and again, what's the point of trying to be better at all?

I was taught to expect hard work and dedication to pay off.

- GothSpite

I was fed that lie too.

- AlreadyShrugging

I was the a-hole my whole life. I absolutely f*cked everyone over at every chance and did horrible, messed up, things.

This year realized the scary truth that in the end, I screwed myself over most of all.

People who were doing good things and worked hard are the ones who are happy. F*ck money. It won't make you happy.

Screwing people over and manipulating will only leave you alone and whacked in head with trust issues.

Trust me.

- 1van116

No Purpose

Once my daughter grows up I will have no purpose in life

- AnathemaDevice4020

This made me tear up. My dad, even though he passed away when I was little, will always be my bestfriend. I always remember him every single day, especially when I am going through a hard time or when I accomplish something in life.

I wish I could call him on weekends and I wish he could hug me when I cry alone. I get jealous when people talk about their dad. I'm 23.

Don't say such a thing. Of course you'll have a purpose when she grows up - one my dad can never fulfill. As a parent your purpose in life is to be her best friend.

Growing up without him honestly was not hard. What comes after growing up; the struggles and life in general, is hard and that's when I wish I had my dad with me.

- Nabi77

I'm so sorry you lost your dad , I can't even imagine how hard that must be. Tons and tons of internet hugs.

I think your dad would be super proud of the person who you've grown up to be - your kindness is radiating

- AnathemaDevice4020

Alone

I'm pretty convinced I'll die alone as I have no real friends or relationships and a very distant family.

I plan to one day, once I have enough saved up, sail away on a boat across the world's oceans. If I make it that's great! I would have fulfilled a lifelong dream of circumnavigating the globe, rounding the cape horn, visiting Greenland and Antarctica.

If I get wiped out in the Southern Ocean, I'll at least die on my own terms and become ocean food rather than dying alone in my apartment where no one finds my body for weeks...

What always gets me is that people always say how you need to let someone know before you go on any adventure like a long cycle ride or camping/hiking trip etc. But who would I tell? Like I even have the crash alert disabled on my Garmin for my bike because I don't have anyone who's number I can put in.

Same when anyone asks me to enter my next of kin details. I'm literally here all on my own. I do wish there was someone I could rely on such situations, someone's number I could enter on my phone as an SOS contact, so anytime I'm asked to enter the next of kin/emergency contact details, I won't have to get embarrassed.

I'm reading other people's stories ... it's almost comforting to know sometimes I'm not alone in my aloneness.

- thiswasntgood

Entirely My Fault

Most of the problems I have in my life are entirely my fault.

Everything I don't like about my life, including things that it's now too late to change, were entirely within my power to fix had I done something about them in the past. And the personal flaws that caused me to screw those things up still cause me to screw things up today.

- cheapcar40

This sounds like something I would do. Self-sabotage is a real thing.

You feel like you don't deserve more; but you do. Treat yourself better - you would probably never be this hard on other people. Don't be so negative towards yourself.

- tahmias

The Hardest Lesson

I'm not really evil, just hurt.

Inside of all of this supposed malice and scary exterior is a traumatized and injured little child too frightened to come out and be vulnerable again and if I don't find a way to let go of the past, I will inevitably hurt every single person I love.

When I woke up to the realization that I did terrible things for no reason other my own pain, I shifted my attention to others. My feelings of guilt made me try and heal the world instead of myself and as I worked on my redemption I became a mentor for those who were as broken as I was.

Especially in romantic relationships. This became an addiction and a very unhealthy Messiah complex.

It wasn't until last year that I finally realized that I cant really help anyone until I helped myself. That the progress I helped others make was limited - they had to leave me behind or stay under my guidance forever without actually growing further and who was I to guide, given that I still had all these inner demons I couldn't face?

I just created co-dependece.

That's why I turned my focus back to myself and started confronting my past. My mental health took a dip at first. But now, with no one around to distract me from my own issues, I am finally making a bit of progress.

I know that I will go back to helping others, as it is something I enjoy and sincerely believe in. But you can't help anyone unless you are willing to help yourself.

Self-love is one of the hardest lessons to learn.

- Pyroillusion

What Do I Want? 

That I could do better in life, at least career wise, if I just KNEW WHAT THE F*CK I WANT!

I did insurance, re-stocking supermarkets, caretaker, some more insurance, postal (just within city limits) and I currently drive an non-emergency ambulance.

If the sh!t hits the fan we will do get called as well. I've been at this job since 2015. The job is about 70% ok to good, but the last 30% eat up my substance.

I've wanted "something new" since I was18, but can't make my mind up on WHERE and WHAT to do!

- ODSTsRule

Is recommend some interest assessments. Literally pointed me to careers I'd never heard of, including the field I finally moved to after dabbling in far too many other things. They weigh how you answer questions compared to those of similar backgrounds in lots of different fields. Gave me a lot of insight into where I could put my abilities to best use.

- restlessambivert

Far Away

I moved to this new city and bought this new house to create a better life for my spouse and myself... but that isn't what happened. Instead, the job didn't pan out, the new city didn't help make anything better/more fun/easier for my spouse and me, and I live further away from my loving family.

I am incredibly lonely all the time and just overall sad at the current state of my personal relationships.

- row_the_boat0115

A change of scenery is nice, but often times you realize that basically every city offers the same stuff.

There's the same ethnic food everywhere now, you got a museum, a theatre, a venue for live concerts and a new sports team to root for and maybe and something different to look at. Without people to share that stuff with, it's honestly not great moving around a lot.

People will go somewhere on vacation, romanticize the place and new experiences they had, and then move there, then fall into the same rut in a new place without any close friends or a support network around. It's something to consider when moving a long way away.

Not to say don't ever do it, but like, weight the pros and cons, because it's not all pros.

- darkfrostystorm

As someone who moved far away from their family 19 years ago, I feel this.

- geancanach21