Romantics Share What Can Instantly Kill A Crush On Someone[rebelmouse-image 18359450 is_animated_gif=
Everyone catches a crush at some point or another. If there's one thing I've learned being old and grizzled, it's that those butterflies can die off just as quickly and easily as they popped up. Usually, that instant crush-killing moment is a gift, let's be honest. One Reddit user asked:
What immediately made you lose a crush on someone?
My mom has instilled in me a thing against mouth noises, so I was expecting a lot of petty responses like that. Turns out, the thing most likely to make someone forget their crush on you isn't mouth noises, not opening car doors or mispronouncing a word... it's just being a trashbag human being. Who knew?
A Consolation Prize[rebelmouse-image 18359451 is_animated_gif=
When we hooked up and I told him I had no idea he liked me too, and he responded by telling me he thought my friend was a bit too out of his league.
Drunk On The Job[rebelmouse-image 18359452 is_animated_gif=
She asked me to help her get a job where I worked as a tutor so I did, I would've done it anyway without the crush as I thought she would be suited to working in the job. After 4-5 weeks she was still incredibly bad at the job, her marking was all over the place and due to my role in the company it was my job to speak to her about it. Fast forward to the next week she comes into work at 3 in the afternoon after drinking half a bottle of vodka and openly admitting it like a badge of honour, I told her that she can't work and she needs to go home and I'll just tell our boss that you're ill, she refused and walked past me to sit down and do her job which she naturally did incredibly badly and was found out within about 2 minutes.
I lost all respect for her that day.
Texting[rebelmouse-image 18352563 is_animated_gif=
Whenever we meet she would be constantly glued to her phone, which is kinda annoying considering she would often take a day or more to reply back to any messages. Taking forever to text back while always clinging to their phone when you see them is the most glaring sign of disinterest.
So I try to keep my distance, but she would just randomly drop a text just to talk about the drama in her life and just generally complain about anything.
Hi Dad[rebelmouse-image 18359453 is_animated_gif=
Turned out she actually just wanted to hook up with my dad... She even went as far as sending me nudes just so I could forward them to him.
Eyebrows[rebelmouse-image 18359454 is_animated_gif=
My highschool crush became a drug addict who doesn't have any eye brows. So yeah, that one sorted itself out.
Only A Teacher[rebelmouse-image 18350998 is_animated_gif=
We were texting while he was at a wedding reception. I asked how it was. His response killed the crush immediately. He commented that it was ugly and crappy because the father of the bride didn't have a good job and was poor. He talked so bad about this man's job and about how low-budget he thought the wedding was. He said something like "Her dads only a teacher." Emphasis on only.
No More Drama[rebelmouse-image 18359455 is_animated_gif=
When the girl I was crushing on kept telling me how much she hates drama, yet kept telling me stories about all the drama she was involved in. Also, she kept asking me if I had any juicy gossip about our mutual friends as she wanted to know everyone's dirt. Immediately made her way less attractive and I eventually lost interest in her altogether.
Fast Food Workers[rebelmouse-image 18359456 is_animated_gif=
I had a crush on my next door neighbor. She and I started to hang out more and more and my crush intensified. Then one day we were in a drive thru. She put in her order and then told them how they'd BETTER give her fresh bread. As soon as she completed her order she told me how stupid fast food workers and how they never listen. Then when she got to the window she again chastised the workers and told them she was coming back if the bread wasn't fresh. I told her when we were driving away that they probably spit in her food. She gave me a "Thanks a lot!" look.
In a way, she did me a favor because I hadn't realized how mean and selfish she was. Other aspects of her behavior started to make much more sense. A pretty face and a hot bod will only get you so far in life.
"I'm Not Paying That"[rebelmouse-image 18359457 is_animated_gif=
Co worker of mine that I had a crush on forever said she was having a bad day and wanted to see if people were going out for happy hour after work on a Friday. So I made sure to ask around and get something going. We go to the place and all have a good time, each of us have 2-3 drinks and all share appetizers. She left a little early and the bill was way higher than expected (sf bars, just the worst). So it was like $40 for each person. I put it on my card and people said they would pay me back which they did. The next week she texted me asking how much it was. Since it was super high and I knew she had a bad week, so I figured I would cover a little bit of her share without telling her and just said it was $30. Her response was:
"Um no, that's way to high I'm not paying that."
I instantly lost my crush on her after that. We still talk sometimes, but the fact that she had no problem knowing it was a high price since she looked at the menu, ordering food and drinks, eating that food and drinking those drinks and was cool with other people paying it rather than covering her own share was just too inconsiderate for me. Fun fact she never paid me anything....
The Men Are Talking[rebelmouse-image 18359458 is_animated_gif=
I walked up to him, talking with a group of our mutual friends, and when I jumped into the conversation, he gripped my arm, pulled me away, and told me, "The men are talking."
Um, no, Rick. No.
As Long As They're Rich[rebelmouse-image 18359459 is_animated_gif=
She insisted that rich people get to act like sh!theads and treat other people terribly because they were rich. She was not a rich girl; she waited tables at the time. I asked her if she ever had rude customers and how that made her feel...she said it didn't bother her as long as the people belittling her were rich...blew my mind.
They'll Burn In Hell[rebelmouse-image 18359460 is_animated_gif=
Crushed on her for years in highschool, met up a couple of years later. Yeah, one on one time really changed things for me, lol. Found out she was super religious, but in a very unhealthy way. We were driving, someone cut us off, she has a quick flash of anger, then calms herself down by saying:
"That's ok, they'll burn in hell... they'll burn in hell after judgement."
The Bartender[rebelmouse-image 18359461 is_animated_gif=
She was horrible to the bartender because she felt her drink was a little watered down. After she loudly berated the poor girl, she had the balls to turn to me and whine that the bartender seemed frustrated by her. I bailed after the first drink and left the bartender an apology note and a large tip for the trouble.
The Realization[rebelmouse-image 18359462 is_animated_gif=
She was actually a manager of mine, she did my interview and was like 9 months younger than me, i was 21 and she was 20. She was the only manager at this store, there were 4 of us, her and 3 sales associates. We all hung out on a regular basis and constantly drank together so eventually we got pretty close even though she had a bf and she literally told me while we were driving in my car, just the two of us that she has literally cheated on every single boyfriend she has ever had. Leading to the realization of why we were getting so much closer so quickly lol. immediately turned away from that one.
Happy Little Dog[rebelmouse-image 18359463 is_animated_gif=
I had a crush on a girl that lived down the street from my friend. I walked home from school with him one day and she walked about 50 feet in front of us. She walked past a house and a little dog came happily running up to the fence. She turned and started kicking the fence and harassing the dog. It ran off looking terrified.
I can't stand people that mistreat animals.
Ugly Dudes[rebelmouse-image 18359464 is_animated_gif=
She texted me and was crying and legitimately upset that "I only want to date hot guys and it's not fair that only ugly dudes like me". That was a big turn off.
Pedicure[rebelmouse-image 18359465 is_animated_gif=
I saw a girl cut her toenails and eat them...that will never go out of my mind!!
Club Of Cows[rebelmouse-image 18354578 is_animated_gif=
He said "here comes the club of cows" when a group of slightly chubby girls neared the corner. Like, they weren't even that fat and cows move in herds you moron.
Erasing LGBT Tragedy[rebelmouse-image 18359466 is_animated_gif=
We were talking about the Pulse nightclub shooting, I mentioned about how the shooter was homophobic and he said "Well most of the victims were probably straight anyway, a lot of straight people go to gay clubs." And then told me that bisexuality wasn't real and when I got pissed asked "Aw, did I hurt your feelings?" Very condescendingly. No idea why I ever liked that guy.
"What's Wrong With Her Face?"[rebelmouse-image 18351145 is_animated_gif=
Freshman year of college, there was this girl in my friend group (she also lived on my floor) who had a stroke as a baby, so part of her facial features drooped slightly. Let's call her Lily. However, Lily was so sweet and funny, it's like the facial issue wasn't even there, you know? Everyone loved her, she was one of the nicest girls in the dorm.
I met this guy a few months into the school year who lived in a dorm across campus. He was super good-looking, polite, respectful, no red flags. Eventually I invited him to a Friday night out with my group of friends, which included Lily. He met me at my dorm and I brought him upstairs so he could meet my friends.
As soon as he saw Lily, he immediately froze up. He was acting so stand off-ish & rude, as though he legitimately had never seen someone who looked a little different before. He couldn't hold a regular conversation with her without stuttering over his words. The second we got a moment alone, he whispered to me, "What's wrong with her face???? It looks so weird!!" as though this girl was some sort of freak.
I was so turned off by the fact that this guy was so immature he seriously could not handle being in the same room as someone who looked a little different. It seemed so pathetic, my crush on him was instantly killed. The way he was behaving reminded me of some sort of high school snob, not someone I wanted to be romantic with. In addition, I have a little sister with a severe genetic disorder and looks very different as well. I knew that if he couldn't handle acting normal around people who have disabilities/physical irregularities, there was absolutely no future to our relationship.
Let me be real for a second.
Every time I listen to Bjork's "Unravel," my heart breaks a bit.
Have you ever listened to it?
It's on Homogenic, her third studio album, and it's incredible, passionate, smartly produced and a great showcase for her stupendous voice.
That song? An emotional rollercoaster, for sure.
There's tons of great music out there, though, and even more sad and gorgeous songs to discover.
People shared their thoughts after Redditor humanbear07 asked the online community:
"What song genuinely breaks your heart everytime you hear it?"
"Ann Wilson has such an amazing voice..."
"There's a few, but the isolated vocal track for Heart's 'Alone' is especially heartbreaking to me. Ann Wilson has such an amazing voice and her emotion really made that band."
Doesn't grow old.
There have been quite a few excellent covers of this one over the years, too.
"The first words give me chills..."
"Most songs by the late Jeff Buckley are sad on their own, and even more devastating in context. But the one that hits me the hardest is his cover of 'I Know It's Over' by the Smiths."
"The subject of the song is up for interpretation no matter what, but Jeff Buckley's premature death adds an element to it that seems to be about his life, whether he planned to or not."
"The first words give me chills the most— they happen after the classic reverby Jeff Buckley intro, the kind Hallelujah fans will be familiar with. He takes his time with this one, like he does with that."
No love for "Lilac Wine"?
It's clearly the best track.
"Ever since my husband..."
"'Merry Christmas, Darling' by the Carpenters. Ever since my husband Tom died in 2012, my heart breaks every Christmas since. We loved Christmas."
Karen Carpenter's voice hits differently when you realize how tortured her life was.
Gone too young.
"My Dad told me..."
"In My Life by The Beatles. My Dad told me when I was a teenager that he wanted it played at his funeral. I still can't listen, and when that day comes and I HAVE TO listen to it to honor his wish, I'm going to be a blubbering mess."
Sounds like you have an excellent relationship with your dad.
"My grandmother died..."
"He Stopped Loving Her Today, by George Jones. My grandmother died almost 20 years before my grandfather, and we played it at his funeral. Just typing this chokes me up a bit."
Songs have even more meaning (sometimes painfully so) when linked to specific moments in our lives, particularly the moments when we've lost people we care about.
"I'm not a Christian..."
"'Bridge Over Troubled Water' by Simon & Garfunkel. Not a Christian, but when I hear it, I understand why people believe."
A beautiful song, and timeless, too.
"My sister's husband..."
"Always on my Mind by Willie Nelson. My sisters husband chose to have it played at her funeral. And yes he was a crappy husband and she died young in a car accident."
Sounds like art imitating life, no?
"He's an amazing songwriter..."
"Jason Isbell has so many it's honestly hard to choose one. Speed Trap Town, Decoration Day, Cover Me Up. He's an amazing songwriter."
I don't know him–it's time to look him up and see how I feel.
"I can already feel tears..."
"One More Light by Linkin Park. I can already feel tears coming to my eyes just by typing this."
Chester Bennington's death was such a shock.
His music lives on.
"My brothers passed away..."
"Simple Man - Lynyrd Skynyrd."
"My brothers passed away in a car accident shortly after coming home from Afghanistan. Reminds me of them every time I hear it."
Sorry for your loss.
Hopefully hearing the song brings you peace.
Hearing a beautiful song can be an immensely moving experience.
And hearing a sad song can, for many people, help them cope with the pain of heartbreak better than they would have otherwise.
Have some suggestions of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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Unfortunately, a friendship could really end at any point in life.
Friends grow apart, but also, sometimes, it's just necessary to say goodbye to your relationship with a friend.
Maybe they aren't the right type of friend for you anymore, or maybe something has happened in their lives to make them self-destructive and toxic.
The reasons are many, and they are all sad.
Redditor monarchmondays asked:
"People who have unfriended their childhood friend/best friend, what happened?"
Here were some of those answers.
Bad Looking Out
"I was more-so the one who was unfriended. Was going to be the best man in his wedding. Saw his fiance out with another dude. Like on this dude."
"Told him, he told me I was wrong, Yada Yada. Things got heated. I told him I couldn't be his best man. Some years down the road, he caught her cheating."
"Called me up, asked if I wanted to grab a beer. I went. He apologized. I accepted, but we're still not friends."-TheMotorcycleMan
Friends Don't Control Friends
"He was a pathological liar, manipulative and told all of my most trusted secrets to everyone because he wanted to feel powerful and like he controlled me."
"Haven't spoken a word in 5 years and I have never looked back."-TheDandy9
Sometimes Life Is The Only Thing In The Way
"As soon as I left my hometown and my best friend growing up stayed, we both changed in opposite directions. He assimilated to the local lifestyle, quickly became friends with people he never got along with in school."
"I left, made new friends, found new things I liked. He started a family, I started a career."
"The final straw though was he RSVP'd to our wedding and then just didn't show. No text, no call, no anything. I think he was pissed that I didn't make him my best man after I was his best man, even though it was exactly because he wasn't reliable and made everything about himself that I couldn't do it."
"He caused sh*t at other people's weddings and I just didn't want to deal with what I knew would be inevitable. It did highlight though that growing up I was his best friend as a matter of convenience where I genuinely liked hanging out with him."-porscheblack
It's never fun or happy to lose a friend, but sometimes it's necessary for your healing process.
We've Reached The Point Of No Return
"I haven't unfriended her YET but I'm basically at the point where I'm sick of her drama, pettiness and 'main character syndrome.'"
"Anything that doesn't go her way is taken personally and if you disagree with her (or even have a preference that differs from hers) she will berate you into submission and 'agreement.'"
"And heaven forbid you have a life that doesn't consider her wants and desires. We're both 30, almost 31. I'm too old for that sh*t."-Deezus1229
When The Punches Come, I Go
"I met my ex-best mate in school, he had a little narcissistic personality, but I understood that and ignored his faults."
"In late Teens, we started drinking and partying as most do; this is when it became apparent that he had alcohol problems, forever being violent looking for fights, killing my good vibes, and getting me pulled into unwanted situations where I saved him or stopped him from beating on someone for no good reason."
"Throughout our life, he never attempted to fight me. He remained a pretty good friend to me until our first trip overseas to Asia; during our trip, he tried to coward punch me in the back of the head because I asked him to put out his cigarette that he had just lit."
"I asked him because we were seated in a restaurant surrounded by families, for some reason that angered him, I got up to leave and luckily heard him coming and avoided his punch, but he then tried to attack me further, which ended with us both on the ground and me on top of him while he shouted and went crazy."
"Eventually, police arrived and pointed a gun at both of us; luckily, they didn't shoot. Having foreign police aiming at me because my friend wouldn't calm down was one of the most scary moments in my life and that's saying something because I don't come from a easy upbringing."
"He was drunk, of course, and claims he doesn't remember, but there's no excuse to try and coward punch anyone, especially your best mate."
"I packed my bags that night and left our joint holiday plans in the dirt, traveling solo and having a blast. When I got back from my trip, I quit drinking myself and have remained sober for the last five years."
"Throughout that five years, I've had brief encounters with him, but our friendship was never the same. Unfortunately, my old friend never changed as he aged; he eventually went to jail."
"I work in hospitals and have seen him show up to the emergency triage, bashed with broken bones, and just a few months ago, he randomly knocked at my door where my wife answered, he was covered in blood."
"My wife went and woke me up; he had a stab wound and refused to go to the hospital; I drove him home and haven't seen or spoken to him since.. His brother updated me and said he was fine, whatever that means."-King-Callous
When He's A Predator
"I, a 5th grader at the time, knew this chick who was in the 7th grade dating a junior in hs. The dude thought she was 16 because she was lying about her age."
"They had been f**king and sexting and all that jazz...he didn't know she was a minor. I went and told him, and they broke up, and he was pissed... yada, yada yada..."
"They became friends again after a few years. When I was in the 8th grade, she called just so he could flirt with me 🤮. I was 13 then, and he was probably around 20. I blocked her real quick."-Cancerous0713
The End Of An Era
"Inseparable all through jr and HS. We graduated in 85 so no social media but I still feel ghosted. He stopped returning my calls, I always had to initiate and when we did get together he wasn't that interested."
"I gave it a few tries but I got the message and just stopped contacting him and he never reach out to me after that. I never new why and it took almost 10 years for me to get over it and stop thinking about it every day."
"I kind of wish he would have just told me he doesn't like me anymore. I have a current best friend I met in college and we've been friends for 30+ years so it's all good."-DreamArcher
There is never a right time to say goodbye to someone you once considered a trusted friend.
"My best friends young son was killed in a four wheeler accident. I was the first responding paramedic. I had to take him from my friends arms to work on him. Knowing he was dead the all along."
"We flex the child on Lifeflight then I drove my best friend and his wife to the hospital. I knew all along he was dead but they didn't. It wasn't his fault or mine that he died in any way but I could never look my best friend in the eye again."
"All I could see was his pain. So we drifted apart. I finally got to tell him and his wife before my friend died with heart trouble."-hotandhornyinbama
Secret Mental Health Leeches
"She started being nasty to my husband when we got engaged. It was so gross. She was snarky and rude to him every time he spoke and made him feel unwelcome in our own home."
"I kind of fell out of friend love with her after watching her behave like that. My mom thinks it was jealousy or something, idk. My husband is the most fun and caring person I've ever known, I expected her to be happy for me."
"In retrospect, I realized there were a lot of other red flag issues I had been ignorant of. It's been 3 years now and I am so much mentally healthier without the drama she was churning up."-ThunderHeavyRains
When Mom Damaged Her
"Had a friend I met pre-kindergarten but had a falling out in middle school. Families knew each other and we were like sisters. But sadly, her mom was a true definition of a Tiger mom. Her mom always pushed my friend to be in all of these extracurricular activities, music lessons, tutoring, etc. Her mom was always dissatisfied; nothing was good enough."
"She wasn't the most nurturing parent. But my parents were the opposite. Especially my mom, she just wanted me to be a good person and do my best. But naturally I was a very good student."
"So my friend's mom would always compare my friend to me saying I was better than her because I was naturally gifted and didn't NEED all of that help. My friend began to resent me."
"Throughout puberty, she would call me a slut because I was physically developing, tried to imply I was ugly just to see my reaction, threatened to punch me, things I understood where they were coming from but did not think were justified as I had not done anything directly to her."
"Final straw was when she posted on Facebook that she thought I was ugly so I just cut her off completely. I pitied her for her family life but her bitterness toward me was wrong. Because through my eyes, she was my best friend and all she wanted to do was hurt me. Don't regret cutting it off"-dookieconductor
The sad truth is that people are not always meant to be close, and that some people are too mentally unhealthy to have any kind of closeness in their lives.
Until they grow up, there is not much we can do but sadly step aside and take care of ourselves.
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Certain personalities show up at almost every party like clockwork.
There's always that person who get's too drunk, someone awkwardly standing in the corner nursing a drink, the person who's not having a good time no matter what and the person babysitting the crowd they came with.
When there's alcohol—or any other substances—and the pressure of a social situation, all sorts of quirks will come out. We wanted to know what people thought their country would act like if they were a person attending a party.
Redditor amotyvukufyd asked:
"All the countries of the world are at a party. What is your country doing?"
Here are some of the best and most hilarious answers.
The United Kingdom is just leaving.
"Not before slapping the knees and saying 'right.'"
"Northern Ireland looks nervously at her sister before putting her sunglasses on and following."
"As an American from the Midwest, we do a 'welp' knee slap. Then sit/stand for another 25 minutes before leaving."
"Then talk in the porch. Then talk in the doorway. Then talk in the driveway. Then talk out the car window."
"'Yuh, I guess.'"
"'See you around, I suppose.'"
"'Yuh you bet.'"
"Buzz of the window rolling up."
Argentina is in the backyard.
"Argentina is either playing football in the backyard with Brazil or aggressively telling whoever's at the grill how to cook a steak."
"Don't forget, they're also drinking fernet and coke, or even cheap wine and juice, out of a cut off bottle even though there were enough glasses for everyone."
"While listening to El Potro Rodrigo."
"For sure we're arguing with Texans over asado."
"Texas would also totally be there despite not being a country itself."
"Texas showing up to a party where only entire nations are invited is such a Texas thing to do."
Greece is making questionable choices.
"I'm Greek so I guess a lot of sex, wine and questionable financial decisions that will ruin us the morning after."
"At least you have your club of friends who will drive you home when you pass out. My country, Argentina, will spend the night borrowing money. When they finally kick him out, he'll have to walk home, broke and alone. And it will start to rain."
Poland fighting with Russia, Belarus, and Ukraine.
"Poland. In the corner with Russia, Belarus and Ukraine, drinking vodka and fighting each other. Poland fighting Belarus and Ukraine fighting Russia."
"With some EU guys walking by with fancy drinks, dropping some concerns."
"And then Russia says 'Oh, you want some too?' And the EU guys turn and walk away."
"Then hours later writes a strongly worded comment to Russia's Facebook page. After spending 8 hours arguing over the exact wording."
Germany brings the beer.
"I'm German and I'd say Germany would complain about the taste of the beer."
"Germany should be bringing the beer. Please don't leave it to America who will bring some watery Coors Light!"
"Wouldn't they discuss politics too?"
"We so would! I was thinking about what we would do what wasn't absolutely cliché (like bringing the beer). I feel we would not only discuss politics but also rant about it. And other stuff. I feel ranting is really something we like to do. But also Germany would be drinking way too much and be completely fine the next morning..."
India is awkwardly dancing.
"India/that uncle dancing inappropriately in the middle of the dance floor."
"Not gonna lie, they got da best moves though."
"I was gonna say India would be that aunty gossiping about and judging others' outfits/looks, but this one is better."
The USA is just destroying things for fun.
"USA. Chugging beers and trying to smash a foldable table by jumping on it."
"I think the US would be like a really obnoxious frat dude that's also kinda fun. Like waaaay over the top bragging... but also did bring the weed. Then word gets around that he has a gun on him and it makes everyone uncomfortable, but he says it's just cause Russia and China are packing too."
"I figure we'd also be the one who obnoxiously insists on 'defending' every girl in the party- whether the girl wants it or not. Lots of 'do you wanna go?' energy, then trying to clean up any mess we make but just doing the absolute worst job of it while staying way, waaay too long after the party is over."
"We'd also get mad at China for stealing our famous brownie recipe even though we asked them to make it for us."
We aren't sure we want to be invited to that party.
Sounds like there's gonna be a lot of drama.
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Irrespective of men's sexual identity or preference, there are men who hate sports, and there are men who love musical theater. Do participating in either activity make men straight or gay?
"Straight men of Reddit, what is the strangest thing you have been told not to do because 'that's gay?'"
The following behavior just screams, "gay," fellas. Watch out.
"Sing a Lily Allen song during karaoke."
"Advice I received in high school from other students:" "Don't cross your legs with one knee over the other. Put one ankle over the other knee." "When carrying books, palm them and carry them at your side. Don't rest one edge of the books near your waist." "Never button the top button of your shirt."
Look, But Don't Look
"This one time, at summer camp, this guy who'd just been swimming in the lake told me you could tell how cold the water was by how hard his nipples were. 'But don't stare too long,' he said, 'because that's gay.'"
"You were the one who told me to look in the first place!"
Sandwich For Sissies
"When I was a kid, my dad called me a sissy because I cut a sandwich diagonally."
"I played the clarinet. I got called Faginet a lot."
"But that's one women do," one might argue.
"Changing my daughter's diaper. Mentioned it in the office one day. Called gay."
A Lighter Shade
"Buying a white IPhone."
"Added my husband (then boyfriend) to my phone plan. Went to the store on my own to upgrade both our phones. We both just wanted the next gen Samsung. It was only available in purplish-pink in store."
"I shrugged and said it didn't matter, he's putting a case on it anyways. Guys working at the store kept trying to talk me out of it, actively pushing me to go to another store, making them lose commission, just so my partner wouldn't have a feminine phone. He used his pink phone for 3 years."
"I've been criticized for knowing how to sew and cook. Those are essential life skills!"
"My father was a Marine drill instructor in the 50's. Guess who did all the sewing in my house growing up?"
"Yeah, no one dared to call him gay for it."
Here are examples of guidelines for being a manly man, according to manly men.
"Not a straight man but... back in my bartending days I asked a man if he wanted to see a dessert menu. He said 'if I wanted dessert I'd order wings like a real man.'"
"Weird flex but okay."
When I'm In The Mood, I Masticate
"When I'm feeling extra manly, I just take a bite out of a cow and then chew on some raw wheat."
"Like a man."
No Appointments Necessary For Straight Men
"I left a pick-up basketball game because I had an appointment to get a haircut. Evidently, the only straight way to get a haircut is as a walk in."
Abiding By The Law Is So Gay
"Using turn signals. And not as some sort of euphemism, but literally using them while driving to turn or change lanes."
In grade school, some fellow classmates asked me to check for gum on my shoe because they saw me step in some.
When I lifted my leg to take a gander, the boys were howling hysterically as if my actions confirmed something.
Well, it sure did. Apparently, if I l looked at the bottom of my shoe from in front of me, I was "normal," but since I bent my leg back and looked at the bottom of my shoe from behind, that made me "so gay."
Although, I didn't come out 'til years later, maybe those goons were onto something. Thanks for the heads up, guys.
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