A resume or a CV are extremely important for the hiring process. It brings to light where you've been and where you hope to keep going. You get a sense of the person's skill set and what they would bring to the company.
But then resumes can go horribly, horribly wrong. Some things should never be told, let alone bragged about.
u/DogsDinner45 asked:
Bosses of reddit, what is the worst thing you have ever seen on a CV?
Here were some of those answers.
50. All Eyes On Us
Giphy
The background of the resume consisted of a glamour shot of the applicant wearing a very low cut blouse.
49. A Rose By Any Other Name
One of my coworkers, a copy writer, received a 10,000 word My Little Pony fan fiction as a writing sample.
i can somewhat relate. i've gotten good results from writing video game reviews, but at times i feel that they're not taken seriously when i use them as writing samples for writing jobs outside of the gaming industry. Even if i do good job and don't come off as jokey in the reviews, i'm still reviewing video games.
48. The Glamour.Â
So in China its really common for people to have glamour shots. We of course had one from this lady, her resume was "I'm a tall sociable lady, who gives good massages". Of course we hired her to be an engineer...
47. Nothing At All
Very bare CV. Added a hobby section which was their only thing on the 2nd page and all it said was:
"I used to like making models but I don't do it much over the last 3 years"
46. Just Add it.Â
When I applied for my current job I went to my dad as he has previously been a boss at the same company but a different department. He told me I should put my world of warcraft raid guild officer experience on my CV. He didn't quite get it but he said that all that organizing and coordination is going to get me far.
I reluctantly added it and hey, I got the job. Was an interesting thing to talk about during the interview.
45. Yikes On Bikes
People who claim 'attention to detail' as one of their greatest strengths yet have spelling mistakes all over their cv.
44. Insert Disappointment Here
I had one where the covering letter began with...
Dear [Insert Name Here]
I am applying for the position of [Insert Position Here].
If you can't even fill in a template covering letter correctly then I'm afraid your application is going straight in the round filing cabinet.
43. Basic Basic Skills Lacking
It was a horribly formatted, and by that I mean not at all, extremely non specific resume. It included "basic knife skills". I understand that that might be a good thing to have on a resume for food service but I work in IT.
I mean, IT can be super frustrating sometimes. Those knife skills might come in handy when dealing with someone who has no knowledge of tech.
42. Hmmm... No.
I didn't see the CV but I was called as a reference on a person who I had fired for rifling through my desk after hours. After I fired her she called my house and threatened to burn it down
... then she lists me as a reference on her next job. She didn't get it.
41. Misguided Equestrian
One time, a woman submitted her CV with a history that went all the way back to a science fair prize she won in 5th grade. No joke. Then some spelling bee she won in 8th grade, and on and on and on.
And every single one of her equestrian competitions.
And pictures (they were actual photographs, not links, this was in the late 90s) of her cheerleading squad.
The whole packet she sent in was about 20 pages long. I'd have tossed it but it was hilarious so I read the entire thing and it made its way all around the office.
It was a marketing job so I have no idea what she thought her 5th grade science project had to do with it. Needless to say she didn't get an interview, but I'm sure it would have been a fun one.
40. It's Good This was Caught
Not a boss but a colleague at a place I used to work at asked me to look over her cv.
Skimmed over name and address, read over the rest of the cv and was about to say yeah looks good to me.
Then her email address caught my eye : Anyholesagoal
After a few minutes of staring at the email address in disbelief, I turned and asked if that was her only email address she had to use?
"Yeah why what's wrong" was the reply
By then the whole team had looked at it and was losing it over the email address.
We did manage to convince her to create a new email address that was her first name.surname instead!
39. Now You've Prevented Yourself From Being Hired
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Not on a CV, but I recall a guy who had done a 3rd party psychological profile of some sort.
For some reason he chose to attach it. There was nothing about it that looked particularily impressive or relevant. But it mentioned something about problems controlling anger, and great difficulty working in teams with other people.
He was applying for a position as a sales manager.
Why he chose to attach the report beats me completely, but I am glad he did!
38. The Queen's Dialect
Had an applicant claim to be bilingual based on speaking both American English and Received Pronunciation (RP) English.
The job didn't require him to be bilingual, he just wanted to put that out there.
37. Non-Uniform Looks
Anyone on JSA in the UK might remember the work programs etc, being handed out like candy in an attempt to get people into any damn job, didn't matter if they could do the work or not. I was put on one, where it was decided that my CV needed touching up by an "professional".
It was returned to me with no less than 3 different fonts and font sizes, half done address, uneven spacing and other issues that I can't remember. Currently 3 people that run CV workshops are using it as an example of a bad CV.
36. Guess We Know What He's Convicted Of
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We had a section on the application...
"Have you ever been convicted of a felony? If yes, please describe the nature of the incident."
Now we hired basically anybody. (Gas station)
But one response that gave me pause was a guy who angerly scribbled out the entire section with a black pen. This same man had once followed me to my home, threatened my customers and employees, and tried to steal regularly. He was not given an interview.
35. This Ain't A Prank, This Is Real Life
Someone applied for a position at my work and cc'd me on the Resume, essentially so I could give them a reference. The Resume had such joys as:
- [insert job here]
- [insert experience here]
- [insert experience here]
- [insert experience here]
The bits they had actually filled out were all in lowercase and full of spelling errors. They also managed to spell their own name wrong. My boss came to me and asked if I was pranking her, I assured her that no this was a real application but I couldn't in good conscience recommend the person.
34. Not A Human Thesaurus
My boyfriend got a crazy CV in where it looked like this guy just basically used a thesaurus every third word to describe very mundane jobs like being a lot loader at Home Depot. It was INSANE and absolutely hilarious. I BEGGED him to interview the guy so I could hear what he was like in person but he wouldn't do it. Well a couple weeks later he told me the guy showed up in person to follow up on his application and the guy was not at ALL like he was on the CV. I was kind of disappointed to hear that.
33. Yo Mama
It was the most hilarious thing I've seen but not on the CV. An applicant emailed their CV, with their name appearing as 'Your Mum' in our inbox. The CV wasn't bad but given that we all did nothing but laugh about it that day, there was no way anyone could have handled interviewing them.
32. Skidmarks.Â
Stains. Get your it together people. Red_Hooker_Hunter
I hope they weren't poo stains. Toilet paper is much cheaper. Groo32
31. In the Name.Â
Nicknames. mrshardface
Ya, like if your employer asks for your address and there is a section for street name. They mean the name of the street that you live on... Not like your "street name" so don't put down "lil Thug" or whatever your crew calls you. FuriousLafond
30. The General.
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That his father was an influential General in the Pakistan army. If you think that helps you get a job in Canada you're not going to fit in. rimshot99
That's probably how dude got everything in life. Lool. What a rude awakening when he realized no one cares about his daddy. yves_san_lorenzo
29. All Hail.Â
"Future King of Scotland" It was an interview for an accountant. SkillzMans
28. The Mission.Â
Applicant included their religion and where they went on a church "mission." Not what they did or how the experience might be applicable to the job... just that it happened (like 20 years ago). They were obviously expecting to gain favor for their religious affiliation. It actually had the opposite affect. anticipate_me
27. Bless U 2.Â
We had a guy applying for a job in our shipping department. He stated he was fired from his last job for writing "God Bless America" on a crate going to Abu Dhabi. boxergirlop
26. Ahoy!Â
Received a CV with nothing on it other than basic personal info and a picture of the guy's new boat. It was a nice boat thought. Tank1an
A guy with a boat is a guy who can't afford not to come into work. boxofsquirrels
25. Crayola.Â
About 25 years ago, I was on the hiring committee for a marketing job... we literally got a resume in crayon.
Not creative crayon drawings to illustrate a playful grasp of marketing essentials. The applicant wrote out a standard resume in crayon. eilonwyhasemu
24. Statuses....
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I had a girl write "Marital Status: Single" as her first qualification. ReflectedPower
I guess she felt she had to write that so that no one will have to worry about her taking maternity leave? someguy7734206
23. So Furry.Â
Hobby section that listed furry cosplay. That was a bit too much info. Melikolo
22. It's Me!Â
At my previous job (at a restaurant) a girl walked in to apply. First of all, she walked in with shopping bags as if she just went on a shopping spree. Then, when my manager asked her "do you have a CV?" She said the legendary words I will never forget:
"I AM the CV. I know it all by heart, so anything you want to know, you can ask me."
She said this like it was a brilliant idea nobody thought about before.
Like, no crap... of course you know YOUR CV by heart. It's a summary of YOUR life...
As this was going on, me and my colleague were placing bets how long she would last if they hired her. I said first week, he said after first week. Unfortunately we'll never know as she didn't get hired. ISureDoLikePickles
21. Tony Stark? Is that you?
Worst thing I've seen recently was a hobbies section that only included the line 'I am very interested in the Marvel Cinematic Universe"
Ok. Doranael
20.Â
I work with consultants so I have probably reviewed over 2000+ resumes in the last 5 years.
The worst - the absolute worst - was this guy I actually felt really bad for but who had NO business putting the personal news he did on his resume.
He had a 1 year gap on his resume that he marked as a sabbatical. Ok fine, but you're a consultant so no one really cares. But it went into the reasons for the sabbatical which were - I am paraphrasing - "To deal with the grief occasioned by the death of my wife and partner of 30+ years. I also took the time to pursue legal action against the surgeon for the sequence of errors that led to her untimely death."
YIKES! Bud, I feel bad for you, but you DON'T need that on your resume!!! your_highness
18. One Percenter.
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I had a guy who wrote that he was in the 1% of spelling and math geniuses in the world. For a delivery driver job. bravesgeek
17. Big Oil.Â
Listed under Miscellaneous....
"My father is the CFO of [oil company]"
....okay? frivolousknickers
16. The Star.
Had someone rank their skills by giving themselves a star rating.
If you give yourself 5 stars in C you better be Brian Kernighan or the ghost of Dennis Ritchie cause to me that sounds like you think you know it inside and out. GabrielForth
15. Life Goals.
There are tons of terrible resumes I have seen. My favorite was in this girl's "Achievements" section:
"First in my family to graduate high school without getting pregnant." Xannin
14. Where to Begin.Â
From a variety of places I've worked as a hiring manager:
One woman listed this under her Accomplishments: "I was doing great until i got pregnant and i had no idea what was slowing me down until i took a test. I told my manager and she fired me."
One person listed their previous job duties as: "I did everything that needed to be done."
Another person wrote in all caps: "I AM ATTENTION TO DETAIL" and "I WANT TO BE A VETERINARY IT'S WHAT IM GOING TO SCHOOL FOR."
The worst one I remember seeing listed only the following as their work history: "Babysitting, two months. Ice cream shop, three months. Babysitting, four months." That was literally it. No further details of where she'd actually worked (Really, "ice cream shop"? No name?) or when she worked, no educational info (I assumed she was just out of high school, but who knew?) just a name and phone number. We did not call her. TheCervus
13. A Good Chuckle.Â
I'm not a boss, but I read a CV over my bosses shoulder once. It was handed in by a young girl who couldn't have been older then sixteen and the introduction paragraph was basically her going on about how 'she wouldn't be gaining a job, the job would be gaining her,' and 'she expected to move quickly up the company's ranks because anything less would be a waste of her skill and talent.' She sounded so obnoxious and stuck up that I was never happier when my boss chucked the whole five-page monstrosity in the bin. KindlyOffer
12. Higher?
Giphy
When I was interning for a bank my boss tasked me with the responsibility of reading resumes and picking people to interview. Keep in mind this is a job that will pay at least six figures. I printed out a huge stack of every resume that was sent to us for this job. A lot of people had great experience some people were reaches and then one was just terrible. It was a picture of a guy at a Phillies game with the text underneath "higher me." He applied online without any contact info which is confusing since in order to login in the portal you use an email. I showed my boss and we both wanted to bring him in just to see but we couldn't. IamLeven
11. Spell Check.Â
Not the worst thing ever, but I've seen a lot of them with "CURRICULUM VITAE" or "RESUME" blasted in 72pt font across the top of their resume, much larger than their name or, well, anything else on the page.
I recycle most of them. I know what I'm looking at. SharkyTendencies
10. Hello Kitty.Â
Had a man apply for a factory labor position where he would be required to lift automobile wheels all day... entire CV was in Hello Kitty pink font. Delaneybuffett
9. Why not Longer?
7 pages, joke inserted in the cv. emoji, code mixed with text.
Called him into interview. We liked him. I hired him. He was a jerk and he was fired in less than 6 months. themir81
8. Insert here.Â
HR sent me a resume they wanted me to look at. It was one of those Word template deals but he didn't fill in all the prompts so there would be spots where it would say <insert experience> or whatever.
Bonus was that it was from a guy I had worked with a couple of years before in a state 800 miles away. The guy was a total office power tripping asshat. No interview was offered.
His boss may have found out. Also an a**hat. whatIreallythink4
7. At Least you Know.Â
Clinically diagnosed as a psychopath. Reddit
I hope you know that if they're diagnosed with ASPD it means they are probably getting help and getting better. Most 'psychopaths' aren't violent serial killers and treating them all like that is only harmful for everyone and it's the best way for them to end up that way. They didn't chose to have a Personality Disorder and I really don't think it's fair to label them all as a bad person without giving them a chance. feixelius
6. Smile for the Camera.
Giphy
I had a high school kid who was definitely the nerdy type include his senior photo for me, braced face and all. Jlacosse6082
5. Abs Please.Â
Applicant for an administration position at a bank mentioned sports in his interests/hobbies section and added 1.5 page of his photos from swimming pool / competitions with some of them with no t-shirt on to show his abs. That was weird. Lurry-Hurry
4. Dwight?
One guy's resume included a "martial arts" section. It was not Dwight Shrute. PhrohdohsBabe
Could be worse, at least he didn't include a "Marital Arts" section. Daydream_Behemoth
3. The Mascot.Â
My brother put on his resume that he was his college mascot for lawyer job resumes like `10 years after graduating. Took him 2 years to find a job. ooo-ooo-oooyea
2. Empty.
A blank one with just basic personal info at the top.
One girl had her past employment descriptions copied off Monster.com and she also had that same description in her LinkedIn profile too. insomniaceve
1. Be Honest.
Giphy
Not a boss but - I put "Critic Reviews" on my resume and it included Superman, Harry Potter, and John Cena. I was hired. Galalave
That kind of thinking, however, does little to keep us from feeling dejected for days on end.
Curious to hear from heartbroken strangers on the internet, Redditor whitecheeks-24 asked:
What's your sad love story?
Death never comes at the right time.
A Difficult Decision
"The love of my life and soulmate who I was married to for 20 years and together for 24 passed away about 8 months ago. I feel alone and empty inside. I have nobody to love or to love me. My life is an empty waste of space now."
"I took her off of life support because I know that's what she wanted and I had to respect her wishes but I sometimes wish I was a little more greedy. I just want my doll face back."
– StraightSho
Deep Despair
"I am so sorry. I had to do the same thing with my love, married 40 years. It's been 28 months and I'm sinking deeper into despair. We had so many plans, did everything together, and I am honestly lost without him. I send you warmest regards."
– imrealbizzy2
The Shy Admirer
"I was a shy teenager, in love with a cute neighbor. His sister and my mom were friends. He died in a car accident. Nobody knew how I felt about him. I overheard his sister tell my mom that he was in love with me. We never got to share our feelings with each other."
The Illness
"I think a guy I found on match.com died but I have no way of knowing. We had only been dating for 2 or 3 months and we were taking things slow. Then he got sick..tumors in his back and he needed surgery. We still hung out but he was in a lot of pain."
"At the time I was frustrated because I felt he was pushing me away. I just adored him and he was sending mixed messages. Now looking back.. I'm thinking he was just trying to survive. He went in for surgery and I never heard from him again. I didn't know his family and he didn't have social media."
"My mom would check the obituaries in the paper for me and I just always wondered. I hope he didn't know how to end things and just felt this was easier. It's been 5 years and I have a family of my own now but Michael..I hope you're okay."
It's hard for these Redditors to accept the fact their love was never meant to be.
Long Distance Fizzle
"I had to leave my first boyfriend behind because I moved out of state and didn't even get to say goodbye because I didn't know we were moving when I left. We left to see my aunt who had been traveling and was diagnosis with brain cancer in another state, she was too sick to travel home so they rented a house and stayed there essentially until she passed away."
"My mom liked the area better than my hometown tho so we ended up staying, our stuff was shipped to us so I never got to say goodbye to my boyfriend in person."
"We kept in contact for a couple years but being 16 and 18, it wasn't easy for me to just pack up and head back to move in somewhere with him. We both knew we weren't ready for that so we tried our best to keep the long distance romance going."
"Eventually he messaged me one day and told me that he can't do it anymore and he didn't want to hear from me again because he couldn't handle it."
– MotherOfBorzoi
Unrequited Love
"When I was in my early 20s, I've had a love at first sight experience. It completely broke me. He actually was into me too, but not in love like I was."
"I had never had a boyfriend before and I got so excited, I came in like a wrecking ball to cite a great poet. Long story short, I scared him off, he broke up, I couldn't get him out of my head and couldn't imagine a world without him, so I tried to kill myself."
"Though let me reassure you all, it's been years and I'm over him (as long as I don't see him IRL, I just know that I'd fall back in the spiral), I even had a long-term relationship after him."
– marie-llama
Tough Reality Check
"I got left out of a 5 year relationship. I got injured, lost my job, and had to go take care of my dying mom. I was not in a good way. I come back from the ER and she calls our entire relationship off because I was not 'passionate' any longer. Right."
"My entire life fell apart. Lost the house we had gone in on. Lost the dog we had gotten together. And I lost my girl. She was my bestfriend, my first love."
"Huge reality check but at least I'm only 22. I'm glad I saw her true colors when things went bad. Easy to stand by someone when times are good. Saddest part is I would take her back in an instant. I lost a piece of my soul with her."
– schassis408
Some of the biggest heartbreaks come when someone shows their true colors.
Deception
"FOUND OUT MY BOYFRIEND WAS MARRIED WITH KIDS ON THE INTERNET. I was happy and in love for two years. One day while doing my research for a client work, I come across a research paper. The research paper matched what I was looking for, scrolling through it, I realized the owner had some names as my boyfriend."
"But this time he acknowledges his wife and two children for being patient with him as he was busy doing the thesis. I got curious, I took a screenshot and sent him a picture and asked if it's his paper."
"Also, I asked if it's true that he has two kids and a wife and he why didn't tell me. He answered 'DOES IT MATTER '. That was the end of my relationship. Never talked about it, never told any soul what happened."
– MURKOMEN
Heartbreaker
"I finally got with my best friend and soul mate. He knows more about me then anyone and knows what I've been put thru my whole life. When we first got together he promised he would never do anything to me that others have."
"One year later he cheated, lied and and broke my spirit. Something i never thought was possible with me, yet he accomplished it. It's been a year since i left him and he still tries to get back into my life. The sad part is I know he doesn't love me and I can't stop loving him."
– shortgirl1978
Ungrateful
"After four years of supporting my lover through his depression and alcoholism, he announced tonight that he is leaving me. I'm pretty depressed."
– Jackie_Mojica
A Devious Scheme
"Wife moves our small family across the country for a promotion at her company. When we arrive and settle into our house, she leaves me for her boss."
"The move was a scheme for her boss to leave his wife and kids, and for her to leave me, while being able to be close to all their children. So I unknowingly left my career, family and friends behind to move to a state where I don't know anyone so she could be with her new guy."
– ramos1969
Unexpected tragedy will always be, to me, the saddest break up story.
A co-worker of mine used to date a young man who was a patron at the store where we both worked.
Their budding romance was new and exciting and absolutely adorable to watch.
He told me he planned to propose to her before he went away on a family vacation, but sadly, my friend never got the proposal. The guy drowned in a horrible boating accident during his trip.
Although my friend is now happily married with two kids, I wonder if she still thinks about him.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/Want to "know" more?
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I swear if every single person was forced to work in the hospitality industry for at least one month in their life, y'all would be beside yourselves. The amount of craziness and laziness could keep you eating at home for every meal until death.
Play Big
martin scorsese casino GIFGiphy"Casino dealers really do want the players to win. We don't work for the house. We get paid crap hourly rates and rely on tips. Unless the player is super nice they only to tip if they win so we really do want you to win." ~ thedevilsgame
Not the Good Stuff...
"That you can take a gallon of paint and give it a different label, price point, and warranty depending on the store it is sold in." ~ big_d_usernametaken
"My professor told me the same thing. He was a job coach and erased the due dates on food products with I believe acetone or some product in nail polish remover."
"Would slap a new date on it, and the food would get shipped to poorer neighborhoods. That crap blew my mind." ~ Additional_Bar_2013
"Oh crap, I may actually go to jail."
"That if everyone being charged with a crime insisted on it going to trial, no plea bargaining, the system would crash." ~ mikenyle
"When I was a juror, the judge also commented before everything started that trial by jury is the only thing causing people to plea bargain and "getting the system moving."
"Many trials sit in limbo for years, and it's only the threat of "Oh crap, I may actually go to jail."
"That really negotiations start. That's exactly what happened in my case - jurors got selected, and that afternoon (after being 2 years in the system), the defendant pleads out." ~ zealeus
Fake Care
"Safety. It's not really about your health and well being. It's about saving the company money from medical expenses, lost time, lawyer costs, etc. Very rarely does your company actually give 2 craps about you, no matter how much they preach safety, they just don't want to pay if you get hurt/killed." ~ WhenThePiecesFit
"pen to paper"
New Girl I Give Up GIFGiphy"TV/screenwriter here. If you're established and well connected, it's very easy to coast and be a TV writer for YEARS and do very little actual writing. Most of TV writing is just talking in a room with other writers spitballing."
"This is why there's so many old, unfunny dudes still "writing" on TV shows. They're hired by their friends and in TV, a lot writers don't actually do much "pen to paper" writing. Plus everything gets rewritten to death." ~ GardenChic
So much mess. Someone hire me to write for TV. Why are you just giving away jobs to unqualified people? Life is so unfair. This list makes me mad. Let's continue...
Carbon Copies
mail GIF by RabbidsGiphy"I work in the print industry, we print cheques for companies and there is so little security involved in hiring, or keeping the materials secure, or running the actual work, or shipping the work to customers. I'm shocked we haven't had a problem with stolen cheques." ~ Jeff_Cunningham
Followers
"Advertising. I keep reading that advertising is leading people to be more woke, or multicultural. Companies don't lead, they follow. They do lots of research and know where the future markets are."
"I worked for a very conservative global brand. 5 years before gay marriage became legal, they told us it would happen and we needed to start targeting the LBGTQ community." ~ leftside72
"connection"
"Visa agent and I've seen people be refused because the manager didn't like their face." ~ Ok_Albatross9395
"Omg this happened to my sister. She couldn't start her semester in time because she kept being refused a visa even though she fulfilled all conditions."
"Finally my parents found a "connection" in embassy to see what's going on; turns out someone just didn't like her when she came to give her papers the first time. I never knew if I can fully believe that story." ~ animal7239
So much typing...
"I'm a writer, among other things. I used to ghostwrite. You'd be amazed how many popular books are partly or fully ghostwritten. I specialised in taking people's crappy first drafts and rewriting them so they were actually good. Not "good" according to people's taste, which is subjective."
"But objectively better in the sense of being properly spelled, not having gaping plot holes, making sure characters were consistent. By the time I was done there was often very little left of the draft the "writer" had created, but there was a marketable product."
"Pisses me off no end when I see all the bull the publishing industry comes out with about how writers submitting a manuscript must make sure it's perfect because only excellence will get you anywhere."
"I don't know how they can say that and still sleep at night, knowing full well that they're hiring people like me to do large-scale rewrites (or to take a half-baked plot and create a draft from scratch)." ~ iwillckingbiteyou
Thieves
Joseline Hernandez Facepalm GIFGiphy"I work in payroll. The number of payroll reports I see where people are conned out of their overtime is saddening."
"Also, taxes paid by a business shouldn't actively dissuade them from paying employees less. The system shouldn't be based on paying a percentage of employee salary in taxes (FICA, Workers Comp), in other words." ~ ThongofSekhmet
I think some investigations need to be launched. I always knew payroll departments were running a scam. Too many people are being ripped off. Time to expose some people.
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