You want a job? You desperately need said job? Then why is it difficult to pay attention when crafting your resume? It's literally you're calling card!
I know there are better ways to make a resume than others, some people actually assist job searchers with resumes as their job, but a basic, run of the resume will suffice when getting started.
All you have to do is not be ridiculous. Don't get crazy. Just give them the basic information and make sure your grammar is correct. It's called spell check.
HR recruiters have a ton of tips for us, so listen up.
Redditor u/scottlottle wanted to help us see the signs clearly, by asking:
HR recruiters, what is considered a huge red flag on someone's resume?
I've been in hiring positions several times over the course of my life. The first thing that always stood out, was overkill. I don't need to know about your childhood pets and kindergarten classes. Who can agree?
Schemes
Awkward Season 2 GIF by The Office
Giphy
"When their job title says "entrepreneur" and their description just screams pyramid scheme."
BECAUSE HE LISTED THE BAR ON HIS RESUME...
"So not a recruiter, but I was helping my then manager go over resumes. We googled one dude, and the first thing that pops up is an article about someone getting tried for manslaughter or homicide for selling bad (hard drugs contaminated with something) drugs at the bar he worked at as a bartender, complete with extensive interviews from coworkers saying they were pretty sure he'd sold contaminated drugs purposely. And we know it was the same dude, BECAUSE HE LISTED THE BAR ON HIS RESUME."
"big daddy"
"A very unprofessional email is definitely one. You see some insane emails. I knew someone who got an email address that had "big daddy" in it. For anyone who needs a professional email address, personally I find any combination of your first, middle, last names, initials, and birthdate are all acceptable. In fact any numbers but 420, 69, etc. And 123 is fine."
Recognition
"We saw a guy apply for a masters degree internship in a scientific lab saying on the last page of his resume that he had invented the seventh law of magnetism or something like that followed by a nonsense description of what it was. The rest of the resume was absolutely fine, and we reminded ourselves that it is always crucial to read a resume to the end before making any decision. And a piece of advice for anyone who applies somewhere and think they have an unrecognized discovery worth a Nobel prize: have it recognized before you put it on your resume."
Smile!
Crazy Eyes Smile GIF by CBeebies HQ
Giphy
"Depending on the job, when they include all their social media accounts and a headshot."
- ryanzbt
It's like people are drunk or high when they throw these resumes together and they're still blitzed when they send their CV's along. Big Daddy? I mean really? And enough with the glamour shots, you're not cute.
Marked Up
Cat Ok GIF by Bu2ma
Giphy
"When my partner was a manager he once received a resume with a watermark tiger as the background. How he didn't hire them on the spot, I'll never know."
"shoelacing diploma"
"My father-in-law was once involved in a hiring process and saw a resume he threw out very quickly. Not only was it chronological instead of antichronological (not a red flag per se, but not very practical either). The first (and oldest) achievement the applicant put on it was her "shoelacing diploma." Yes, the thing we get in kindergarten when you have learned to tie your shoes. According to the applicant, it proved that she was a go-getter. To him, it proved that she lacked common sense."
People Share The Most Selfless Thing They've Ever Secretly Done | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
to detail as 5/5...
"Not in HR but I was recruiting nurses a few months back and had one resume that had a cover page with a large (approx A5 equiv) centred photo. I'm not fond of these in healthcare resumes. Then on the first page of the resume was a scale where she ranked herself out of 5."
"She rated her communication and attention to detail as 5/5 but her teamwork as 2/5. I didn't like the scoring and even worse I didn't like the low teamwork score where she applied for a ward nursing job. To top it off it was riddled with grammatical, spelling and presentation errors. Clearly attention to detail wasn't a 5/5."
Pimp69...
"I used to run training program, and we had about 4000 applicants for 200 positions each year. Bad grammar and spelling automatically got a resume thrown out, because the job required so much writing. Also, get the name of the agency correct! I had one applicant, who claimed she was a PhD candidate, talk about the Health and Human Cervixes. WTF? Inappropriate email. One guy had something like Pimp69 for his email. He listed a website of his, and it had a rear nude. Dude. Just what?"
Backlog...
Book Typography GIF
Giphy
"I once had someone hand in a resume with 6 whole pages of job history, each one described with a paragraph of detail about the skills she'd learned and what the role involved. There must have 20 jobs on there? At least. She had also put the dates she started and left each job.... the longest was four months face palm."
"google architect"
"As someone who went through the ringers in the architecture field and now part of the hiring process. My advice is to keep resumes to one page. We really don't have time to go through two pages of awards and merits. And portfolios that are above 10 pages really are not necessary."
"We have gotten 30-40 page portfolios that are incomplete and look ugly. I rather see 5-10 good pages and a solid one page resumes. It automatically signals fluff to us, especially when the portfolio lacks substance. Through my career I have always done 1 page resume, 2 page portfolios, and letters of recommendation."
"Then on my resume or in emails I give a link to my full portfolio, and full website about my merits. Also as of lately this whole "google architect" is real. For example , we have seen a latest trend in work not being original. Almost blatant copies."
- omnigear
TMI
"Was recruiting a while back for a couple of positions in my company. Got one cv that was 18 pages long detailing in minute detail everything this guy had done at previous jobs. Another included a 75 page portfolio. Suffice to say neither got an interview. One of the guys that got the job brought a short portfolio of a few pages with plenty of pictures to the interview. Far more appropriate."
Pants on Fire
"Had to check a few resumes for our vacant position. My biggest problem is lying:
- Candidate says they have a lot of experience with a certain technology, but when asked, doesn't know anything.
- Dates of employment or education don't match up. Had a guy claiming he had 4 jobs at the same time.
- Experience doesn't add up: don't claim you have 10 years of experience with a framework created 5 years ago." - DrDonut21
Words
"Not HR, but recruited many times. Poor grammar and spelling. No relevant experience. Inconsistent fonts and layout. Too long. A well worded resume should convey enough in two pages to elicit an interview."
Short Stints
"Having a 4 month stint on your resume only once is fine as long as you're up front about it. I worked at a company for a short period of time but left because the CEO was a psycho who created a toxic atmosphere. I called a recruiter who told me to leave it on my resume and be up front about it if I was asked. I'm at a brilliant company now but it's up to the people hiring to understand that sometimes jobs don't work out, which is okay."
Shredder
"One of my first Reddit arguments was with someone who said you should show up to a business you're interested in working at and hand deliver your resume. I worked front desk reception at the time, and I said that would only result in me putting your resume through the shredder, that we have very specific ways we hire for jobs and if you can't follow those basic directions, you're definitely not going to be hired. He said if that's how companies felt and they didn't give him the respect he deserves, he wouldn't want to work for that company anyway. 🤷♀️"
For the Company
"This is why my company doesn't use HR for hiring. H.R. doesn't work with the employees, the managers do. H.R. will weed out perfect applicants over the silliest things and give preference to people for things totally unrelated to the job. Our managers get the resumes and applications and they choose who to interview."
"HR then conducts background checks and verifications. Their decisions can be over-ruled by upper management. When our company started using an HR staff to do all the hiring, we ran into a horrible staffing shortage and what new hires we did get were unworkable."
"The company's profits dropped and long reliable employees quit because of the bureaucracy that an HR office created. The owner fired half the HR staff and limited the remaining HR staff to compliance issues and payroll paperwork. Our managers do all the recruiting and hiring. Employees are happy and the company is thriving again."
- Brazo33
No Notice
"I left a law enforcement job with no notice due to my supervisor breaking a court order and doing something illegal. I tried to notify his superiors but nobody cared. Finding a new job in the same field has proven challenging, other agencies don't seem to care about why I left, only that I left a job after 8.5 years with no notice."
Poor Fido
What Is It Reaction GIF by Nebraska Humane Society
Giphy
"Saw this once work experience- dog walking Reason for leaving - the dog died."
A Good Laugh
"A guy I knew some 20 years ago sent in a job application on paper he had previously used for another purpose. The company wrote back to say "while we applaud your commitment to the environment, we suggest you do not in future use recycled paper for this purpose" which was considerate of them. I laughed at him."
How to piece together a resume. How to properly and simply apply for work. These should be classes in elementary school. Good luck people.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Every now and then, a friend of ours might say something, or we might overhear a complete stranger say something that makes us stop in our tracks.
More often than not, what we can't believe we just heard is something so ridiculous, we can't help but put the person who said it in their place.
Other times, however, what we just heard might have stunned us silent because of how shockingly clever it was.
Resulting in our not wanting to scold or yell at someone, but rather give them a handshake.
Redditor SubmergingOriginal was curious to hear the sharpest and wittiest things they've ever heard, from friends and strangers alike, leading them to ask:
"Enough with the dumbest; what is the wittiest thing you've ever heard someone say?"
Don't Give Me So Much Credit...
'I was on a team at work that was on a project working insane overtime."
"One night after an 80-90 hour week, we were all sitting around the table trying to finish up so we could go home."
"Around 11, my buddy's wife called, dubious about the hours he'd been keeping."
"We heard her through the line - 'are you cheating on me?'"
"Exasperated, he looked at our boss, then replied 'honey, if I was cheating on you, I would have been home by now'."- lionbatcher
Eternal Optimism...
"Asked a blind guy if he'd been blind his whole life."
"He said 'Not yet'."- Feeling_Mode_6465
Free time Isn't The Only Thing He Has On His Hands...
"My brother got a vasectomy and when the doctor was releasing him and giving him instructions (with the nurse listening in), one of the orders was to 'come back and have a follow-up appointment after you’ve ejaculated 30 times'.”
"Without missing a beat my brother asked 'what time do you open tomorrow?'”
"The nurse couldn’t keep it together after hearing that."- UtahUtopia
Awkward Season 8 GIF by The Office
Giphy
Double Whammy!
"My pal uses the phrase 'he doesn’t look strong enough to carry information' and it cracks me up every time."
"Calling someone stupid and weak in one fell swoop."- JennyW93
Can't Hide Your DNA...
'Whenever I jokingly insult my mum, she says 'that must be where you get it from'."
"She cracked the code."
"I can never offend her without offending myself."- JennyW93
Self-Sufficient!
"My brother was a line cook at a New Orleans restaurant."
"My mom was in town, staying at a fancy hotel, and he stopped by after work, still wearing his kitchen whites."
"He was reading a newspaper in the lobby waiting for her to come down when the shocked lobby manager sputtered at him, 'MAY I HELP YOU!?!?'
"He answered, 'thanks, but I know how to read',” and went back to his paper."- jobrody
Morph Current Affairs GIF by Aardman Animations
Giphy
A Miracle!
"My brother-in-law’s comment."
"The entire family went out for my mother’s 80th birthday and after the meal we all went to a local park, largely occupied by the elderly, to rest."
"My mother needed crutches at this point, and they were resting against her bench."
"My 10-year-old niece, who looked like every starving waif image from Dickens, grabbed the crutches and started hobbling round the park."
"All the OAPs were following her progress with looks of pity until my brother ran up behind her, and kicked away the crutches."
"There was an audible gasp from round the park and then my niece picked the crutches back up and started chasing my brother, clearly intending to hit him."
"In the confused silence my brother-in-law’s voice rang out 'Praise be! She can walk again!'"
"We still think this was the highlight of the birthday celebrations."- DdraigGwyn
Still Legal, Whichever Way You Cut It...
"I picked up my pleasantly tipsy boyfriend from a nightclub."
"We were stopped by the Police for a random breath test."
"They asked me my age, and I said, 33."
"My bf blurted out '33? You told me you were 22'."
"Police just laughed and let me go."- Aggravating-Corgi379
Music Video Police GIF by Andrew W. K.
Giphy
A Bit Too On The Nose?
"Business law class in college years ago, talking about the issues that black Americans had before the Civil Rights."
"Amendment, trying to travel through the south with the discrimination so rampant, trying to find restaurants to serve them and decent lodgings."
"My instructor was posing a hypothetical: 'So you pull up out front of this place, you're exhausted from driving for hours, and you see the sign out front says 'Ku Klux Klan Motel'."
"'What would you expect to find there?'"
"Without missing a beat, from the back of the room came this gem: "'Extra sheets in every room?'"- NedsAtomicDB
Not Yet, Anyway...
"I was working with my friend and his dad."
"My friend (26) heard an ice cream truck near where we were working."
"He asked his dad if he could have a couple dollars."
"His dad asked, 'what for?'"
"My friend told his dad that there was an ice cream truck in the neighborhood, and that they were playing music."
"My friends dad told him "'They don't charge anything to listen to the music'."- tatersalad1234567890
Words Escape You In The Literal "Heat" Of The Moment...
"A friend of mine is a teacher and her husband is known for his wit."
"She told this story to him:"
"One day at school a kid took the hall pass and returned reeking like smoke."
"She asked the kid if he’d been smoking and he denied it over and over."
"She was about to send him to the office when she noticed smoke coming from somewhere."
"She told the kid and he realized that he didn’t put his cig out completely and it was burning in his pants pocket."
"The kid noticed and frantically tried to put it out and someone finally poured water on it."
"Her husband sat listening to this with a weird look on his face."
"She asked him what was wrong."
“'What’s wrong???'"
"'This was probably the only chance you’ll have in your life to say literally, ‘liar,liar, pants on fire’ and you missed your chance'."- Luder714
On Fire No GIF by PEEKASSO
Giphy
Amazing What You Might Say A Few Drinks In...
"When I went to a renaissance faire once, I went to a beer tent and ordered a Newcastle Brown Ale (seemed the most fitting for the surroundings)."
"The beer wench, without skipping a beat, said, 'Everyone wants a Newcastle - no one wants to remodel!'"- jayhof52
Read The Room People!
"My dad wiped out when skiing down a mountain and lost a ski."
"After a few minutes of hunting for it, he gives up, slings the one remaining ski over a shoulder and starts walking down the mountain in his ski boots."
"About half-way down, another skier stops and goes 'Gee! Did you lose a ski?'"
"My dad instantly replied 'No, I was out for a walk and found one!'"- PeterJoAl
There's a reason your mother always told you to "use your words".
As clever remarks can have a much more lasting effect on people than a push or shove.