*Content warning: suicide*
The concept of an open relationship is nothing new.
It's just that nobody really spoke of it so openly in the past.
Now people are openly discussing whether monogamy suits them in modern times.
Redditor Jakubeu101 was wondering how people really felt about relationships with more than one lover, so they asked:
"What do you think about open relationships?"
It's certainly not for everyone, especially those who have a tendency to get jealous.
Yuck
First Date Dating GIF by OriginalsGiphy"Tried it for a year. Didn't work. It's perpetual dating which is the worst. Then they get jealous."
chewie8291
Avoidance
"All the hassle of 2 (or more) relationships needs to be something everyone involved needs to be okay with. It can be done correctly by couples that really know how to communicate and are strong in conflict resolution. (Usually this also means starting in an open relationship and not opening up later on) Unfortunately many couples use 'opening up the relationship' as a solution to avoid the need to communicate better. Those are doomed from the beginning."
CaelTyr
Shenanigans...
"My parents have been together for 40 years, married for 36. A couple weeks ago we went and stayed with one of my dad's childhood friends. As the wine got flowing, she regaled the rest of us with various stories of the shenanigans they got up to with their other friends. My mom was having the time of her life hearing all these stories she'd never heard before. (this was northern Wisconsin in the early 80s, lots of teenage drunken shenanigans)."
mstarrbrannigan
Consent
"Not for me, but I don't care if everyone's a consenting adult and no one is taken advantage of. The issue IMHO is that if you go from monogamous to open it is shifting the relationship in ways that rarely work, but if you come at it from the start there's decent chances of making it work."
Bi_Aint_Shi
All of It
"I think the idea that you've learned everything and there's nothing else new to know about a person is the first problem. I was in a polyamorous relationship for about a year and even to the end of it was constantly learning things about my partners, their SOs etc."
"I'm now monogamous and married, and years down the road I'm still learning things about my partner. They've lived a whole life before me, it will be many many years before I know 'everything' about them."
Dfnstr8r
Consequences
jealous GIFGiphy"I think it’s one of those things where both partners have to be 100% on board with what it means. There can’t be jealousy and you have to be ok with the idea of your partner sleeping with more people than you possibly. I think most people who consider an open relationship don’t really think about it means so it inevitably fails."
RaijinQ
It's not for everybody. Emotions in check first.
Stronger
Chair Stronger Music Video GIF by Britney SpearsGiphy"I'm in one. Going strong almost 8 years. Requires a ton of communication. Also, what counts as an open relationship varies wildly and the boundaries/rules are determined by the people within the relationship. There is no one size fits all."
nkorper
Bad Ideas
"I met a guy on tinder that was in an open marriage. We went on a few dates, one of which I was surprised to meet his wife and kids."
"They seemed like a happy family, very content with their arrangement. I enjoyed getting to know the guy, but he started to get impatient with how slowly I was moving. I wasn’t comfortable moving forward physically, so we decided to end it. Fast forward a year later, and he ended up committing suicide."
"His wife wasted no time posting online about how awful he was to her. It seems their 20-year open relationship was his game of control. He was a cheater and an abusive husband. I carry some guilt knowing he used me to upset her, and I sat there with a stupid smile on my face."
blahblah-user
Proven False
"Tried it, she screwed some dudes and when I picked up started getting jealous. Most open couples aren't really open. Usually someone wants it (or just wants to cheat without guilt) and someone's getting dragged into, pretending it's okay. Very few true open relationships, it's proven by how many last more than a year."
F33dR
Doing It All
"My husband and I did it...very enthusiastically... For about 6 years. We made the decision to try it after 24 years of marriage and because neither of us had had any other partners before we met. For us it was a fantastic experience. We never had issues with jealousy but we had a very strong relationship with a high degree of trust. We definitely saw a lot of marriages fail due to those issues."
"Eventually we sort of... faded out of it tho. It is just a lot of work. Finding people with the right chemistry-the on line dating scenes, going to the clubs, the meet up's that don't always work: it's exhausting. But for us it was definitely worth it. And if my hubby came to me tomorrow saying that he'd met someone he'd like to screw, I'd still be cool with it."
sabertoothbunni
"guilt free"
"I personally hate them because of an ex. I was pressured to make our relationship open for months, and I really didn't want to. That wasn't the kind of relationship I wanted to have. I later then found out that she was pushing so hard because she was already sleeping with other guys and wanted a 'guilt free' way to cheat on me, and ended up sleeping with three other people that I am aware of."
"Generally I don't mind them if that's what you want and all parties are okay with that situation. I have a friend who does that and he's never been happier in terms of a relationship with someone. But I will refuse to ever do an open relationship with anyone."
A_GuyThatDoesStuff
Not Me
No Way Beer GIF by BuschGiphy"I'm genuinely not a fan, i prefer monogamy as I feel a much closer bond can be created between two people rather than a group. however that is not how it is for everyone."
thra888
Life lesson?
You do you.
Just be honest and really communicate how you're feeling and the boundaries you feel comfortable with.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
Redditor st_new34 wanted to hear about all the things men can learn from women, so they asked:
"What's a women's thing men should absolutely start doing?"
I'm interested in this list.
Aren't most things unisex now?
Smooth Surface
Silence Of The Lambs Skin GIF by Death Wish CoffeeGiphy"As a former cook and current welder; hand lotioning."
meatlazer720
"My dad refused to use hand lotion for a while and he kept getting big cracks in his knuckles. The cold would destroy his skin. He would only put lotion on when it was basically bleeding, by which point it can’t really do much help."
PM_CACTUS_PICS
Get Checked
"Getting checked out by a specialist. There’s a reason colon cancer has a higher mortality rate among men when it’s actually one of the most preventable cancers. The thought of having a colonoscopy done makes them squirm."
Color_Wasted
"In the US you can also arrange for a Cologuard screening, where you literally just mail in your poop and get tested for certain colon cancers. It shouldn't replace regularly scheduled colonoscopies, but it can be done between them."
Puzzleworth
"Problem with cologuard is screening is 100% covered. If it the cologuard positive, you have to get a diagnostic colonoscopy which is subject to deductibles and copays. If you go with a screening colonoscopy in the first place you pay nothing."
skidoo1033
Basics
"Sewing. Sewing is awesome. I learned basic sewing to make some bow ties for my wedding and it's an extremely rewarding skill that allows you to repair clothes, save money, and it's superb meditation."
DeepStatic
"Not only repairing clothes, but basic tailoring. I learned how to do it on YouTube and it’s a game changer as a guy with broad shoulders that make every shirt fit like a trash bag."
TheFunkyMonk
Work Comfort
"Putting a blanket on your lap while you work. It's life changing."
13inchmushroommaker
"A few days ago my wife brought a whole a** double duvet into the living room because it’s winter now. I thought she was mad but it’s cozy as s**t, I’ve got the dog under here."
magicalmysteryharold
"In my house we have an assortment of couch blankets. You really need more than one because you'll want to have one on the couch while the other is in the wash."
sleepydorian
Snazzy
Looking Good Feeling Myself GIF by CBSGiphy"Complimenting each other."
DEADINSIDE1880
"I do this with my co workers. 'Looking sharp today Phil' is all it takes to make a day."
cognitiveglitch
I love a good compliment.
Stretch
adam levine yoga GIFGiphy"Yoga, especially as you get older, wish I had started sooner."
needsmoreprotein
Pampered
"My husband never really did pedicures before we met and the fist time I did one for him he was in love with it. I used a scraper to get the dead skin off his heels (he calls them hooves haha) and he was horrified how much came off. He’ll even inspect my work now and say 'this toenail is a little jagged do want me to look a mess??' He likes being pampered and I’m happy to do it for him!"
Effective-Ad7068
Feels so Good
"I was trying on jeans for work the other day and I found this magical material that stretches but looks like denim. I was gushing over them and my wife laughed and said a lot of women’s jeans use that material and a lot of hers are the same. Men should discover these jeans!"
"Edit: A lot of responses are about the inferior quality. Fair enough but I work retail and am constantly squatting to fill shelves etc so I’ll take comfort over durability any day. Especially when I’ve got a bit of an a** on me, customers don’t need to be walking around the corner and catching a plumber’s crack unexpectedly!"
corny16
Feel It
"I work in a kitchen full of men and it's quite sad to listen to them tell each other that they can't cry. Or that they are not supposed to do so. I don't know who came up with this but I fight that 'concept' every chance I get. As a result, most of them feel safe to share their emotions with me. Even crying."
sem-fe
LOUDER!!
meg ryan love GIF by HULUGiphy"Make noise during sex. Not even dirty talk, any words of encouragement would be enough."
jennicarrz
Well, that is a lot to process.
Men... take notes and start breaking some of these 'norms.'
Do you have anything to add? Let us know in the comments below.
Curious to hear what some of these examples could be, Redditor DrDecane asked:
"What's the smallest thing that made someone unattractive for you?"
These Redditors found it challenging trying to make awkward romantic situations work.
The Silent Partner
"I once went on a date with a man who literally only spoke when responding to a question, answered as briefly and evasively as possible, and offered no reciprocating questions or remarks."
"At the end of a 45 minute struggle when we parted ways, while I was still trying to figure out why a person with such crippling social anxiety would subject himself to an interaction so far outside his ability to handle, he asked if we could see each other again sometime."
– willingisnotenough
Bad Taste
"They were a bad cook. They didn’t use SEASONINGS! It’s not an allergy thing either. They made good money too it’s not a poverty thing. Literally they liked plain chicken breast no seasonings and dry as bone. He made me a 'taco' that consisted of only unseasoned hamburger in a plain ( not even warm) taco shell 🌮. No salsa , no cheese, no cilantro.. greasy meat in a room temp shell."
"I’m not cooking 3 meals a day for 2 people for the rest of my life and I sure as sh*t ain’t eating his satanic creations."
– Winter-Ad1853
Annoying Catchphrase
"I dated a girl that had a catch phrase. I think she uses Reddit and the catch phrase is very distinct so on the off chance she sees this I won’t say it. It didn’t make a lot of sense, think if someone were to say 'If you’re there, then you’ve made it!'”
"Except she would say it in response to all sorts of random situations where it wasn’t at all appropriate. Whenever someone complimented her or me, if you talked about plans you had. Just randomly tossing it out on conversations."
"It became a turn off so quickly because I just could not wrap my head around why she said it so often. I got sick of hearing it from her. Legitimately one of the biggest reasons we broke up."
– validusrex
Some dates are just unkisseable.
Gross Deposits
"White stuff in the mouth corners."
– gardenomette
Exaggerated Masticating
"Went to dinner, they started chewing kinda loud with their mouth open. I have misophonia, so it's probably even worse for me when someone does that. Immediate no."
– Erenalianon
The Sloppy Friend
"My husband’s best friend can’t eat without getting food all over his face and making gross noises while chewing. He also is a SUPER loud drunk. And walks out of the bathroom and back to the conversation while still simultaneously zipping/buttoning his jeans and buckling his belt."
"Really sweet, funny guy and a wonderful friend to both of us. But I cannot even imagine dating him. It would probably end in murder."
– meegcabre
Food Flinger
"Jesus, I dated a guy who ate like a bird...there was food EVERYWHERE by the time the meal was done. Flinging it around somehow without me actually seeing him do it. A sneaky flinger. Picture a parakeet beak deep in a food tray filled with seeds. Just chucking the seeds. Dig, eat, fling, nope, don't like that one bite, fling over the shoulder..."
"Dude cringed when I brought out a beach towel and put it on my new couch before we started eating dinner. As I was spreading the towel, I looked him dead in the eyes and declared, 'if you damage my new, $2,500 couch, you are dead.'"
– 37-pieces-of-flair
Unsolicited texts and photos aren't always the way into one's heart.
Not The Way To Start The Morning
"He sent me selfies every morning with his good morning text."
– Witch_on_a_moped
Now What?
"Yesssssss. So awkward. Like, am I supposed to send one back? Every day?"
"We hadn’t even met in person yet."
– LeotiaBlood
It took a vacation for these Redditors to realize they were not with the kind of people they'd want to ever share a life with.
Realization During A Vacation
"On a trip to the islands. HE WAS STEALING BATHROOM TOWELS and putting all the sugar and tea packets into his bag. He was telling me to hurry and stock up as well😐 I asked him if he really planned to steal 'thousands of a** towels..' he stopped packing. This was an eye opener to me. I was turned off and we are no longer together.😎"
– Law_Yer7
Demeaning The Workers
"They went from an 11/10 to a 0/10 because they decided to berate and belittle the people who were helping us with our luggage as we got on and started our boat cruise. The rest of the trip was awkward af"
– WorstLuckChuck
At the risk of sounding shallow, years ago I briefly dated a tennis player whose winsome personality won my heart.
However, I noticed something really peculiar about him. Every time we were out walking, I noticed he had the tendency of leaning into me whenever I was on his left side while walking in tandem.
When I casually asked him about his frequent need for getting awkwardly close, he explained that his gait was affected by a condition that left him with one leg shorter than the other.
After we completed that day's rendezvous together, I subsequently ghosted him.
Okay, I fully admit my shallowness in that situation.
I'm not proud of it.
