Friends, especially great friends share a lot in life.
We share secrets, memories, joy, sorrow and in some cases... sex.
Is this a good idea or an unmitigated disaster?
The jury is still out.
It works for some and is a disaster for others.
Plus it can muddle the history of the relationship.
So what do people do?
Let's find out...
Redditor thunderchild10 wanted to discuss everyone's thoughts on the friends with benefits scenario, so they asked:
"What's your opinion of friends with benefits?"
I've never done FWB.
I feel robbed.
After a while...
Friends With Benefits Herkenbaar GIF by GoPlayGiphy"Fun, and fine for a while, but less fulfilling than a relationship. Also, you both need to be good at compartmentalization, otherwise one of you will likely end up catching feelings."
Akiram
Be Clear
"My FWB caught feelings even though we were always clearly communicated as FWB. We were both in a big but really close friends group. I got a gf (she had recently had a bf as well) and she got mad. I ended up losing all my friends. It’s been 4 years, and she actually successfully managed to get 20+ ppl to forget I exist."
"Wouldn’t recommend."
sadbudda
The Rule of Three
"I had 3 throughout college. Two ended in us dating and then breaking up. The only one that worked and lasted two years was me and an ex from high school. We never hung out but were cool after our breakup. Didn’t speak for like three years and then when we were in college we saw each other at the bar, hooked up that night, then like two days later she asked if I wanted to meet up and I said sure."
"Then it just continues for two years. We rarely spoke outside of the bedroom other than like ‘pick me up from the bar’. Overall it was cool but I think it’s very rare. You have to find two people who just don’t have any desire for each other other than when horny, which a lot of times is not the case in one side"
InternationalMouse56
Confusion
"I honestly don't understand it at all. Having any sexual relation with a person whom I don't love and who doesn't love me seems pointless and even scary to me. I guess I am over-sensitive or something, because the thought of being so close to somebody without actually having a connection, an exclusivity, without knowing if this will ever happen again, is genuinely horrific to me."
"I don't care what others do in the bed and with whom, but this kind of relationship is just not for me."
ZidanSufuzki
For Life
Corona Snap GIF by INTO ACTIONGiphy"If they can provide Medical, Dental, Unemployment, and Retirement benefits then they’re a friend for life."
Stupify_Me
Benefits are benefits. I'm in.
Forever
married single ladies GIFGiphy"It didn't work out. We couldn't keep it just friends once we started the benefits. We will celebrate our 19th wedding anniversary in 2 weeks."
dirtysecretsofmine
Hey Buddy
"Very messy. You gotta either be f"k buddies only, dating, or friends only. Trying to keep feelings out of FWB is too difficult."
MarthaTheTRex
"That's a great point. I agree that it's tough to keep feelings out of the equation. I think it's best to just be honest and open with your friend so that you both know the boundaries of the situation and can stick to them. That way, both parties can be sure that they're getting what they need out of the relationship."
Professional-Help114
Taking Chances
"Seems iffy to me if you want the friendship to lay long term. Doesn't someone usually catch feelings, so after the FWB finds a partner they want to keep, it leaves the other party out. Especially if the new bf/gf doesn't want you to be friends with someone you've had sex with."
"Yes? No? I'm not into casual sex for myself, so am I off base?"
lifehappenedwhatnow
Developments
"A lot of people are saying 'someone always inevitably develops feelings' and that it ends badly, but that's not been my experience. I'm still friends with a few of my FWB's that I'm no longer sleeping with over the last couple of years and I'm genuinely happy for them that they've found relationships that make them happy. And I know of quite a few others similar to me."
playswithf1re
In Sync...
Sacha Baron Cohen Thumbs Up GIF by Amazon Prime VideoGiphy"A great plan when both participants are on the same page. Whether that is 'stay FWB' or 'hey we caught feelings, let's give a relationship a try'. A mess when only one participant catches feelings."
Gwywnnydd
Don't get hurt...
"Terrible idea, someone always inevitably develops feelings and gets hurt."
"It can work sure, but in general, unless you're both 100% sure (which, how can you ever really be?) beforehand that you won't develop feelings for each other, I generally have seen it not work."
"In my personal experience, someone always had to break it off just as feelings were starting to arise. So yeah, be careful I guess."
PodcastingPodcastGuy
What have we learned?
Communication is key.
Do you have any WTF FWB experiences to share? Let us know in the comments below.
Redditor Specialist-Crazy1466 wanted to hear why and when the love ended, so they asked:
"Why did you and your ex break up?"
I always knew when it was over, but I always held on too long.
Super Bowl Ok GIF by Pepsi"I'm also a 'She that got fed up with being taken for granted", but I'd forgive him if he offered me an honest apology. Hell, I'd take him back if he really showed me that he cares. What I'm saying is - if she's not in a new relationship and you still love her, you might try and reach out. Life is too short.'"
GuinevereduLac
The Lease
"She brought a guy home with her one evening and told me I had an hour to pack my s**t and get out. I reminded her that the lease was in my name, not hers."
"Imagine the look of shock when I told her to get out."
"She saw my kindness towards her as a weakness she could exploit. I was very forgiving of her bad habits, and she pushed me to the point where she obviously thought I would let her stay in my apartment if she told me to get out."
"In hindsight, being that forgiving was my fault."
Precipice_01
Don't Worry Though
"I found pictures of her doing some other dude in our bed while I was gone for work. 5 years of my life down the drain."
"Don't worry though. Was painful at first but ended up being the best thing that ever happened to me. Got me out of an unhealthy relationship with someone who clearly didn't really love me, and freed me up to meet the real love of my life, who I just proposed to 😁."
Skwerilleee
Honesty Wins
"I didn’t have my sh*t together yet and was selfish and unreliable. She thought she deserved better, and back then, she was right. I’ve come a long way since then."
bunkermunkee
"Huge props to you for being honest and having the self-awareness now to openly admit and accept that. I obviously don't know you but it's not easy for a person to admit that they were the bigger contributor to the relationship ending. You should be proud of your personal growth at the very least."
Mecomaker
He Chose Her
No Way Do Not Want GIF by Schitt's CreekGiphy"His mom slapped me. I was tired of being abused by the b**ch so I told him he couldn’t keep both of us in his life. He had to choose me or his mother. He chose his pregnant mistress."
TheUrbanFarmersWife
Hands off. No touching others.
Whoops
Schitts Creek Oops GIF by CBCGiphy"My ex-wife filed for divorce to teach me a lesson, thinking I would try to stop the divorce. She was piping mad when I didn't, though."
Azzizzi
A Magical Time
"My ex and I were together for 14 years and it was a magical time. However, once the pandemic hit he took up smoking crystal meth at home while I was away at work all day. He became absolutely addicted, stopped taking his schizophrenia medication, and the psychosis and paranoia took over. Living with him became a horrific nightmare I wouldn't wish on anyone."
"I tried everything to get him to help but he wouldn't budge or acknowledge the depths of his despair. After 5 months of living with this madman who was once my best friend and partner in life, I had to move out and start my life all over from scratch. I still can't believe how quickly it all unraveled. Now he's homeless and living downtown in some bushes in a park."
Mythic_Damage777
SURPRISE!!
"3 months of long distance. She gave me a 'summary' of her week via text."
"I spent the first few weeks trying to engage in conversation only to be ignored for another summary."
"I spent the next few months asking if we could just enjoy casual messages that flowed in a natural conversation to mimic how we spoke when we were in the same city."
"After 2 months of not being listened to, I called her up and broke it off. For some reason she was surprised."
merlinface
I Got Nothing
"I took time off from work to take care of her parents. Her mom died, and it hit her hard. I continued taking care of her dad, but she was so stressed she would go out with her daughters and friends from work to de-stress. After two years of staying at her parents' house 24/7 and right before her dad died, she told me I was a godsend and she wanted a divorce."
"She locked me out of our house and had the attorney she was working with declare I had abandoned it so she could keep everything. Turned out her nights with our daughters and with her friends were actually with her boyfriend. She got the house and the inheritance and a new boyfriend. I got nothing."
rollercoaster_5
When in Loss
Sad Rabbit GIF by Muffin & NutsGiphy"We lost a child and grieved in very different ways. He went back into active military duty and was gone for 18 months. I developed an addiction to sleeping pills and alcohol."
When he came home, we started divorce proceedings and he returned to the military. I checked in a rehab center and we went our separate ways."
No_Scale7584
The truth is... when it's over, it's over.
And that is never easy.
The imagination of strangers went wild when Redditor AgreeableSolid7034 asked:
"Which Disney princess would win the Hunger games and why?"
Some people thought Elsa would be the best candidate, hands down, due to her supernatural powers.
Hard To Choose
"I have 3 potential winners:"
"Elsa on account of having super powers that can be used offensively."
"Mulan on having actual combat training."
"Nala (if you count her) for being a literal lion."
– Theher0not
Icy Powers
"Elsa can literally create sentient life and freeze everyone on their starting pedestals aoe style....there's no contest here twentieth level elemental wizard wins."
– Unnecessaryloongname
Fearless
"Ohhh I hadn’t thought of Nala. Technically not in the Disney Princess lineup, and also she’s not a princess. But yes, Nala would be a good contender."
– Pyrocephalus-rubinus
Disqualification
"Not one of the early ones, I’ll tell you that right now."
– ShinyRedBalloon
"Ah, but what if the sounds of the battlefield awaken sleeping Aurora to her true love, the love of Blood drawn in war. She wakes, shatters her glass coffin, and uses the shards of glass as a pair of swords. She hasn't eaten in years, so she doesn't need a lot of food. She jumps full into the fray, slashing and jabbing with her glass swords. Tributes fall to the left and right, as Aurora, goddess of the dawn, destroys them unto their very bloodline. Exterminated."
– jewel-frog-fur
Some thought unique skills and credentials were more effective than witchcraft.
Take A Bow
"Merida is excellent with a bow. I think she’d have a fighting chance."
– UnStoppableWho_
Thematically And Practically
"Thematically? Meridia."
"Practically? Elsa. She's literally a magical ice goddess that can flash freeze an entire lake. The only other princess with anything approaching supernatural power is Moana, and her power is over water ."
– Allfunandgaymes
The Forest Expert
"Thematically, consider Pochahantas and Mulan too! If Elsa didn’t immediately freeze everything in the arena, Pochahantas might survive just from knowing what’s edible and what’s not and being able to track people and avoid being seen!"
– ruiqi22
So which is it?
Woman Warrior
"Mulan - trained warrior with excellent survival skills."
– TitleProfessional760
Weapon Of Choice
"She defeated the boss Hun with a paper fan. I think she's a safe bet."
– inadequatepockets
Hitting The Bullseye
"Don't discount Merida. The Hunger Games were won by an archer, after all."
"Mulan definitely wound up being the skilled soldier of the bunch and probably best survival skills, but Merida was no stranger to the outdoors herself."
– 1CEninja
It's A Toss-Up
"I’m also between Merida and Mulan. I think they both have the skill set to win, but when it comes to killing the other princesses, I think Mulan’s death count will give her an edge. Merida hasn’t killed a human before, while Mulan is a war tested soldier with a 10,000 kill count."
– Pyrocephalus-rubinus
I'd put my pound sterling on Merida to epically conquer all.
Our red-headed heroine is skilled with a bow and arrow and she would fiercely take down leaders of the wealthy Capitol city of Panem to end the annual carnage once and for all.
"What is a tell tale sign that someone is a selfish person?"
"You Had It Bad, Well I Had It Worse..."
"When anything that happens to them is the worst thing in the world and whatever happens to you is not that bad and a waste of time talking about or dealing with."
"'I know your mom died a month ago but my best friend of 3 years died too so I don't see why you are so sad all of the time'."
"I think narcissism and selfishness go hand-in-hand so there you go."- AJM5K6
"They respond how worse their situation is when you’re sharing your problems with them."
"No try for help or listening, just trying to draw attention on their side."- seyfgs
"When every single bad thing that happens to another person gets spun around into their personal problem eg I'm really upset because my friend family member is going through."- Purrminator1974
Drama Queen GIF by Radiotelevisione svizzera (RSI)GiphySorry? I Don't Know The Meaning Of The Word...
"They feel no remorse for how they’ve hurt others."- avidhiker96150
"I'm Always Right!"
"Doesn’t think they’re wrong in the slightest bit."
"They can’t shoulder any bit of responsibility."- No_Key_6276
No Need To Thank Me, Because I Won't Thank You...
"They don't remember the times people helped them, but remember clearly all the times they have helped others."- GoodMerlinpeen
sexy youre welcome GIF by SatisfactionGiphyLive To Freeload!
"They bring nothing to the potluck but are first in line."- TRIGMILLION
Quid Pro NO!!!
"They gladly take any favors you do for them, but when asked if they could reciprocate once, they get defensive and or aggressive and act like you're the selfish one for daring to expect something in return."
"It doesn’t make you a bad person to expect reciprocation in a relationship with someone else, romantic or platonic."
"Relationships are give and take and that makes them healthy."
"It's not entitlement to expect kindness if you give kindness."
"If you're the only one giving, you're being taken advantage of."
"I'm not talking about narcissism and manipulation, I'm talking about the natural give and take in a relationship."
"It is not manipulative to expect certain things out of a relationship (depending on what kind of relationship it is)."
"The whole reason we make relationships is because they give us something - whether that be support, love, safety, or other advantages."
"It isn't a bad thing, it's a human thing."
"Typically, with give and take, if you notice a pattern of one person consistently taking without giving, the one taking is the problem, not the one giving."
"The kind of people who use this as a manipulation tactic aren't the ones who stick around in a relationship for years, doing favors and kind things without being asked to."
"They're more likely to do one favor and demand twice as much in return."
"Why do I know this? I've had these people in my life, which is what gave me the realization I commented above."- random-shit-writing
Season 4 Question GIF by 9-1-1 on FOXGiphy"I'll Never Forgive You!"
"Every bad thing you do to them is drama-worthy."
"Every bad thing they do to you are details and should be moved on from, and why can't you just do that? You're so dramatic!"- Pasdusername
"If I Could Just But In..."
"If you are in a group and there is one person that is constantly interrupting the middle of what you or anyone else is saying generally to brag about themselves with a 'one-upper' story, is generally a precursor to stop associating with them."
"I've met too many of them in my days and they are more often than not happy to throw you under the bus whenever the opportunity arises."- Philay_shio
But Enough About Me, What Do You Think About Me?
"If they always talk about themselves."- Effective-Craft-1173
"They have that superpower to lead everything back to themselves."
"Even when you're actually talking about your own life or a specific problem of yours, they somehow make it that you start talking about them instead without even changing the topic."- Anskin12
Look At Me Reaction GIF by WWEGiphy"Ugh, Work Is So Boring... Can You Do It For Me?"
"Complaining at work to coworkers doing your work for you while you complain."- Minimum-Tea-9258
Perhaps the most frustrating thing about dealing with a selfish person, is getting through to them about changing their behavior is probably a no-go.
For they'll be too self-absorbed to ever think they were doing anything wrong.
Redditor rockytheboxer asked:
"What common misconception infuriates you?"
I try to be calm. But anything can infuriate me.
So let's chat.
Lies
Cat Zoom In GIF by Paul TrilloGiphy"That you can zoom in on a digital picture and it gets more clear."
skotgil
Not Simple
"The Dunning-Krueger Effect."
"It's not as simple as dumb people overestimating their intelligence while smart people underestimate it. Once you feel 100% certain in your knowledge, all new information looks like misinformation. Once you believe yourself an 'expert,' you're far less receptive to facts that contradict your position. Self-doubt is what keeps your mind open; the nagging sense that what you 'know' might not be true is what motivates intelligent people to keep pursuing knowledge."
"Studies even show the DK Effect actually horseshoes."
"People at the very bottom and the top tend to over-emphasize their own intelligence. When leading scientists are disproven by new discoveries, it's not uncommon them personally reject the new science. The 'Nobel Disease' describes when Nobel Prize-winners go on to become quacks, believing their 'genius' qualifies them as experts in things outside their expertise."
Rowan-Trees
37
"Life expectancy. People think hundreds of years ago you died at 40. Completely false. Infant mortality was extremely high so the average is skewed. If you made it out of infancy you had a pretty good chance of becoming old."
boludo1
"So much this. If half the people born die at age 2 and the other half die at 72, the average life expectancy is 37, but that doesn't mean 'everyone died at 37.'"
bulbaquil
Higher Levels
"'If they give me a raise at work, I'll bump up a tax bracket, and I'll actually make less!!'"
Mymoggievan
"Oh man, I just came here to say this. Had a high-level staff meeting last week to discuss how our company will be changing from weekly checks to bi-weekly."
"The uproar, because they were gonna get 'taxed more' was hilarious. I literally had to draw a crude graph for folks who’ve been on this Earth for decades longer than I have in order to explain how a progressive income tax works. My eyes are still rolling."
Bokuden101
Ruined
Angry Season 3 GIF by Paramount+Giphy"O.C.D. is not some cute obsession with cleanliness and order. It can ruin lives and comes in many forms."
Leeser
"I also hate when people play armchair psychologist."
Leeser
There is such a thing as too clean. Right?
Colors
season 1 friends GIFGiphy"As a colorblind person, I don't see in black and white. I have no problem driving. And I will never play the 'What color is this?' game. Not ever."
Midnight-Ran
'women’s work'
"The quote 'well-behaved women seldom make history' is frequently misquoted. Professor Laurel Ulrich stated this in a 1976 essay that details how women in early America have been lost to history as their stories weren’t considered important by those who wrote history."
"Her quote is not meant to minimize the lives of women who perform stereotypical 'women’s work' such as mothers and wives, but to stress the issue of women’s voices being lost in history."
"I think it’s important to support women who do not live within these archetypes, but not at the expense of women who enjoy being within these roles. Ultimately, having the voices of diverse women and gender-diverse people documented in history is incredibly important - which should include both 'well-behaved' and rebellious women."
littlepinch7
Communication
"Introversion and social anxiety are NOT the same things."
"Not every introvert has social anxiety or is a poor communicator. Stop lumping people together and just calling it introversion."
"I’m introverted. I know how to communicate well. I just don’t want to with you."
bumpty
Evil
"That the symbol of the upside-down cross is satanic, evil, witchcraft, etc. I see so many Catholics and Christians going off on people who have upside-down crosses on clothes and stuff because it’s 'evil.' No, it is not. The upside-down cross comes from Peter, who decided to be crucified upside down because he felt he was not worthy of dying in the same fashion that Christ did. It is a symbol of honor, love, and respect for Jesus."
Love Dies
In Love Hearts GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy"People like to believe 'there's someone out there for everyone' but honestly this just isn't true. Or that we only have 'one true love.'"
awkward-fox-patrol
Everything makes me mad.
But life goes on.