Friends, especially great friends share a lot in life.
We share secrets, memories, joy, sorrow and in some cases... sex.
Is this a good idea or an unmitigated disaster?
The jury is still out.
It works for some and is a disaster for others.
Plus it can muddle the history of the relationship.
So what do people do?
Let's find out...
Redditor thunderchild10 wanted to discuss everyone's thoughts on the friends with benefits scenario, so they asked:
"What's your opinion of friends with benefits?"
I've never done FWB.
I feel robbed.
After a while...
"Fun, and fine for a while, but less fulfilling than a relationship. Also, you both need to be good at compartmentalization, otherwise one of you will likely end up catching feelings."
Akiram
Be Clear
"My FWB caught feelings even though we were always clearly communicated as FWB. We were both in a big but really close friends group. I got a gf (she had recently had a bf as well) and she got mad. I ended up losing all my friends. It’s been 4 years, and she actually successfully managed to get 20+ ppl to forget I exist."
"Wouldn’t recommend."
sadbudda
The Rule of Three
"I had 3 throughout college. Two ended in us dating and then breaking up. The only one that worked and lasted two years was me and an ex from high school. We never hung out but were cool after our breakup. Didn’t speak for like three years and then when we were in college we saw each other at the bar, hooked up that night, then like two days later she asked if I wanted to meet up and I said sure."
"Then it just continues for two years. We rarely spoke outside of the bedroom other than like ‘pick me up from the bar’. Overall it was cool but I think it’s very rare. You have to find two people who just don’t have any desire for each other other than when horny, which a lot of times is not the case in one side"
InternationalMouse56
Confusion
"I honestly don't understand it at all. Having any sexual relation with a person whom I don't love and who doesn't love me seems pointless and even scary to me. I guess I am over-sensitive or something, because the thought of being so close to somebody without actually having a connection, an exclusivity, without knowing if this will ever happen again, is genuinely horrific to me."
"I don't care what others do in the bed and with whom, but this kind of relationship is just not for me."
ZidanSufuzki
For Life
"If they can provide Medical, Dental, Unemployment, and Retirement benefits then they’re a friend for life."
Stupify_Me
Benefits are benefits. I'm in.
Forever
"It didn't work out. We couldn't keep it just friends once we started the benefits. We will celebrate our 19th wedding anniversary in 2 weeks."
dirtysecretsofmine
Hey Buddy
"Very messy. You gotta either be f"k buddies only, dating, or friends only. Trying to keep feelings out of FWB is too difficult."
MarthaTheTRex
"That's a great point. I agree that it's tough to keep feelings out of the equation. I think it's best to just be honest and open with your friend so that you both know the boundaries of the situation and can stick to them. That way, both parties can be sure that they're getting what they need out of the relationship."
Professional-Help114
Taking Chances
"Seems iffy to me if you want the friendship to lay long term. Doesn't someone usually catch feelings, so after the FWB finds a partner they want to keep, it leaves the other party out. Especially if the new bf/gf doesn't want you to be friends with someone you've had sex with."
"Yes? No? I'm not into casual sex for myself, so am I off base?"
lifehappenedwhatnow
Developments
"A lot of people are saying 'someone always inevitably develops feelings' and that it ends badly, but that's not been my experience. I'm still friends with a few of my FWB's that I'm no longer sleeping with over the last couple of years and I'm genuinely happy for them that they've found relationships that make them happy. And I know of quite a few others similar to me."
playswithf1re
In Sync...
"A great plan when both participants are on the same page. Whether that is 'stay FWB' or 'hey we caught feelings, let's give a relationship a try'. A mess when only one participant catches feelings."
Gwywnnydd
Don't get hurt...
"Terrible idea, someone always inevitably develops feelings and gets hurt."
"It can work sure, but in general, unless you're both 100% sure (which, how can you ever really be?) beforehand that you won't develop feelings for each other, I generally have seen it not work."
"In my personal experience, someone always had to break it off just as feelings were starting to arise. So yeah, be careful I guess."
PodcastingPodcastGuy
What have we learned?
Communication is key.
Do you have any WTF FWB experiences to share? Let us know in the comments below.
People Who Have Had A Threesome And Regretted It Share The Fallout
1 + 1 + 3.... wait what?
Sex is meant to be fun. Yes it is an imperative part of the procreation process but it most certainly meant to be a time of revelry. Whether you know one another that well or not. So why not open up the experience! There is no written rule that insists sex is to stay between only two people. Sometimes the more is the merrier.... sometimes. All of our actions come with consequences, professionally and personally. Be prepared for the pandora's box you open. Two can often be the safer number and fantasy should stay fantasy.
Redditor u/CRM2018 wanted to know who was wiling to share a few saucy secrets about their love lives and it's activities by asking.... Redditors that have had a threesome and regretted it, what was the unexpected fallout?
Happy Valentines? :(
Well, I semi-regretted it. Like it was fun, but maybe I would have liked a better 3rd.
Anyway, freshman year of college I was into this guy and he had slept with this other girl in our friend group but was also into me. Valentines day we're all single, we go at it, and we have a great time. Later I end up dating the dude and like 2 or 3 years into the relationship he cheats on me with 3some girl. ooglecat
Not Cute.
It was me, my girlfriend, and my friend. Well, ex-girlfriend now because she started dating my friend afterwords. TreGoa64
Got an unwelcome surprise......
Didn't realize the other guy was into me
Got an unwelcome surprise. grapestreet9
This is why it's really important when you do anything kink-related, even if it's supposed to just be a "vanilla" threesome, to negotiate rules beforehand. What's okay, what is definitely NOT okay. That way nobody gets unpleasant surprises.
Even when you think it's obvious, like "no you may not penetrate my anus without asking," some people may assume that it's okay. Raudskeggr
A Movie Plot.
I (f) had a threesome with my bf at the time (now my ex) and a mutual female friend of ours.
He ended up cheating on me multiple times with her afterward, and then ended up becoming obsessed with her, almost to the point of stalking. He even stole a friend's car to go see her. It was wild. Lol. chengsao
Avenger.
The guy was built like a Superhero, so I spent most of the "experience" trying to suck my gut in.... praying for it to be over. OldmanShed
Blood is a No.
This is my time to shine.
When I was 19 I (F) was invited by a couple to participate in a threesome. They were both super hot so I was pumped!!
So it starts and everything is going fine, we're all touching each other whatever. We get into a position where I'm sitting on her face while she lays on her back and her boyfriend has sex with her missionary. All good until the boyfriend kinda shoved me off her? I was like wtf? Then she gets up and her face is absolutely COVERED in blood. Like lion after eating a zebra blood. It's literally everywhere: the sheets, the pillows, her face, his hands, you get the point.
Turns out she sliced the inside of my vagina with her very sharp acrylic nails (they looked very nice just don't feel the best against my fragile vaginal membrane) and I was bleeding profusely.
I cleaned myself off and was like....."I'm gonna go..." and they were like bye...
It's still one of my absolute favorite stories ever. Reddit
Talons.
I'm gonna cut straight to the dish....
My buddy's big toe nail grazed my butthole while trying to switch positions with her. I never told a man to cut his toenails before and hopefully never will again. ImpossibleWeirdo
Oooof.
I don't know if I regretted it per se, but I was the third wheel. After the sexcapade we passed out and later on that night her boyfriend went to the bathroom. She then cuddled up to me and said 'that was really fun and all but if we do this again can we get somebody I am attracted too.' Then her boyfriend walked back in and she realized that I wasn't him, I could literally feel the room fill up with awkwardness. Windbelow616
No Touching.
I had a threesome with two guys and it was kinda awkward seeing how they were trying not to touch each other during the whole thing. It was cool and everything but they were so trying to avoid any kind of touching and I get if two guys don't want their members to touch but they wouldn't even touch legs by accident and that is hard when you're getting dp'd by two tall guys lol. suki_ta_
Hindsight.
I mean, i guess it wasn't necessarily unexpected, but it just ruined my relationship with my girlfriend at the time. We had a threesome with a female friend of hers, and she couldn't get the image of me having sex with her friend out of her head. She said that she couldn't shake the feeling that if I truly loved her, i wouldn't have been able to sleep with someone else.
Worst part of it was my gf was essentially my dream girl, and the girl we added to the mix wasn't nearly as spectacular as she was. So i traded a longterm relationship with my dream girl for one night of a threesome, and i would NEVER have made that trade with hindsight.
That said, waking up in the morning with a hot naked girl on each side of me was pretty incredible. Buffal0_Meat
OUCH!
I had a threesome with my girlfriend and best friend. She left me for him. They have been married for over 10 years. Tacomancer42
Salty Feels....
My ex came home from the bar with his friend and asked if I would have a threesome with them. I reluctantly agreed after drinking a little. The experience was pretty good but my ex was so insecure and made my life miserable for a few weeks after that because he was salty about the fact that I actually enjoyed it. No idea what he was expecting. Viiibrations
I never talked to those morons again.
My girlfriend at the time was hanging out in her bedroom with her roommate. I was watching TV in the living room.
Her roommate comes out of the bedroom wearing a sheet. She looks at me and says, "We're having sex back here. You should join us" and drops the sheet.
She was physically attractive, but I didn't like her personality at all. I said no.
She shrugged, then went back into the bedroom. They were in there a good hour or so, when my girlfriend comes out, naked and crying. She kept apologizing for "cheating on me". I told her it was ok, I understood, everything was going to be all right.
About two weeks later she dumps me. Said she couldn't trust me BECAUSE I DIDN'T DO HER ROOMMATE.
She dumped me at my birthday party. She messed with my best friend that night in the room next to where I was sleeping, then came in afterwards to make sure I heard it and knew what was happening. She asked if I was okay, I said no, she started laughing.
We were all sleeping in a cabin in the woods and I was drunk as hell, so I walked away.
I never talked to those morons again.
I figure I got about ten miles out and passed out on the side of the road. Woke up when a couple of good ol boys tossed me in the back of their truck. They were going to drive me to the hospital, but I told them what happened and they drove me home... About two hours away. I gave them twenty bucks for gas and they turned it down. DoomOne
Cry not Pretty....
My ex gf's friend stopped us in the middle of it to ugly cry for the rest of the night about how she wanted her ex back... needless to say it stopped pretty quick. Grt38
Back Up Kids....
I was the third for this couple, they were both really keen on me. The experience was actually pretty normal, but afterwards they kept pestering me for more. I had realized I wasn't that interested in the both of them and kept politely declining their offers. They never stopped offering, so I finally had to say I wasn't interested. I'd see one or both of them around occasionally and they'd give me a half-hearted smile. A_Sassy_Sammich
ALONE....
I had really strong feeling for this guy, and we he been flirting for a while. It was going well, and one night I was over at his house with another female friend of ours. We got drunk, one thing led to another, and we had a threesome.
Now they are dating and I'm still alone. PinkAcrobelle
"Looks like you two are good, I will leave you to it."
I was asked by my girlfriend to have a threesome with her and her best friend... a friend I had known for a long time and who had actually introduced us.
A couple of minutes into it I realized that my girlfriend was not remotely interested and had pulled back... which made it awkward because I was not remotely interested in my friend sexually... I only agreed to it because my girlfriend asked and she had been a little distant lately... I thought it might help rekindle the relationship.
I carried on and did my best to make my friend happy... and then all of a sudden my girlfriend stood up and said "Looks like you two are good, I will leave you to it."
I stopped what I was doing and asked WTF was going on, and eventually they explained that the whole thing was a scheme for my girlfriend to break up with me and "pass me over" to her best friend who apparently had a crush on me.
Needless to say this did not go down well, and I ended up losing both of them from my life. hokeyWB
Not with my Wife...
My wife and I had a threesome with a friend of mine that had recently left the military. Everything seemed fine until he told us he was in love with my wife, his brother also happened to be my best friend (we're not as close as we were though) who is super insecure and apparently also had feelings for my wife.
Later my military friend was diagnosed with schizophrenia and his delusions were telling him I was the most evil person on the planet, and that aliens were gonna give him super powers and disintegrate me (that is not an exaggeration.) He now gets monthly shots from the VA and he's doing a lot better. lemonyfreshpine
Late to this discussion.
Late to this discussion. Not exactly a one time threesome but more of a live-in crazy toy situation. So about 6ish months of threesomes and poly relationship. The dude was super sick and took meds all the time and had tons of doctors appointments. They told me he had Lymphatic cancer. This was only part of the truth.
A friend of theirs came to visit one day and saw the situation, asked me if I knew why dude was so sick and I responded "well yea, he has cancer" and I will never forget the look on friends face when he realized he would have to be the one to tell me that dude had AIDS.
I confronted dude and he lied to me. Irate, yelling and screaming at me for even thinking about accusing him. I called his wife in tears and asked her. The first words out of her mouth were, "I'm so sorry. We never meant to hurt you."
So yea. Never again. This happened 12 years ago. I was 17 at the time. I got lucky in that I didn't contract HIV. I still get tested annually and disclose that I've been exposed to it to any potential partners, but it definitely could have ended much worse. Dead_in_the_BrainPan
Don't Outdo!
I had an unplanned threesome with a close friend and her boyfriend. He's well endowed and apparently she couldn't handle giving him oral, but I didn't know that and while we were fooling around I gave it to him. Like, really good. Like so good he wouldn't stop talking about how good it was and asking why she doesn't give it like I do. It made her insecure and put a strain on our friendship as a result. Even after they broke up, my friendship with her wasn't the same. D0rkasaurusRex
Lucky People Who Have Gone From Friends With Benefits To Dating Share How They Made The Jump
Lucky People Who Have Gone From Friends With Benefits To Dating Share How They Made The Jump
[rebelmouse-image 18352344 is_animated_gif=We've all hooked up with a friend here and there, but sometimes, the hookup goes far beyond the one time. It doesn't always end well, but the stories behind how friends earned their benefits are always a hoot. And sometimes they're hot.
PM_Me_Ur_Boobs_Honey asked, People who have friends with benefits, how did you go from friends to friends who have sex?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
This is one of the oldest tricks in the book.
[rebelmouse-image 18352345 is_animated_gif=Started as friends, ended up becoming roommates, both of us had been out of relationships for a while so sexual tension got high with us living together, slept together a few times and then she got a boyfriend so we ended things. We're still great friends, didn't ruin anything between us, it was just casual sex between consenting adults.
Screw it, why not?
[rebelmouse-image 18352346 is_animated_gif=We were at her place talking about Halloween. A very paraphrased version of the conversation:
Her: it's just an excuse for people to dress slutty and have sex
Me: sex is good
And then we had sex
Then there's the more direct approach.
[rebelmouse-image 18352347 is_animated_gif=I had been friends with D for years. I was dating her best friend K during that time. After K and I broke up, I stayed friends with D. We hung out a lot and one night she said 'we should still be just friends, but friends who have sex sometimes.' It was great and lasted for years off and on. We are still friends, but she's married now
Awkward.
[rebelmouse-image 18345572 is_animated_gif=One of my brothers screwed many girls while he was in high school and beyond. Eventually got married, and it just so happens that two of his best friends from college ended up marrying girls from his high school that he slept with. One time he told me that it makes him very anxious every time they're all out to eat.
Netflix and chill but with a little more class...
[rebelmouse-image 18352348 is_animated_gif=I was random friends with C. We had met through a mutual connection. One night after we had been texting for weeks and being friendly I jokingly told her I could show her how to make Carbonara...... I brought two bottles of wine, we cooked together... watched some stand up comedy and then ended up having sex. We were on and off since then and it was great~ we both date other people and occasionally hook up.
Ah the old "it's ok I'm here" ploy. "Brad" is a slick one.
[rebelmouse-image 18352349 is_animated_gif=Currently still have a FWB of 3ish years. "Brad", was the brother of my best friend "Kate" through high school and college, so we knew each other very well. I had just gotten out of a very bad relationship and was still in the "I'm going to cry and eat ice cream" phase when Kate invited me to a house party.
I ended up hooking up with Brad after the party. It was awkward for a little while after but then we started hanging out again and realized we could be friends who just happened to mess around if we were both single. It's been a fun arrangement.
How come I never get emails like this from real people?
[rebelmouse-image 18352350 is_animated_gif=Oh, let me quote the email I got out of the blue one day.
"If it wasn't apparent, I'm very attracted to you, and I think we could have really hot sex. I don't know if you're interested in adding the benefits package to the standard issue friends arrangement, but if so, we should talk about it!"
We talked about it. Then we started having sex. :D
Back-up/emergency d_ck is rarely disappointing.
[rebelmouse-image 18352352 is_animated_gif=We weren't really close, more like we had a mutual friend and added each other as a result. I'd known for years he'd wanted to sleep with me me, (he was very upfront about it, but respected my boundaries) but I didn't do anything about it. Few years later, I'm out of a relationship but I miss sex. He's randomly in town. I send him a message, we meet up the next day. F_cked off an on for a couple of years. Only regret is not getting it sooner.
Telling men they smell good is a great tactic.
[rebelmouse-image 18352353 is_animated_gif=I told him he smelt sexy (a mix of aftershave, whiskey, and cigarettes) and then he kissed me. Then we had sex and have been having it on and off ever since. No romantic interest in him whatsoever.
I always had a different image of sword-fighting...
[rebelmouse-image 18352354 is_animated_gif=I invited him to my room to play with the samurai swords he'd given me. Then pretty much just asked if he wanted to stay the night. He told me later that he'd just expected to make out, instead it turned full-blown Caligula.
We had crazy animal sex for almost a year. It ended because neither of us knew how to just keep it at sex-friends (dates, presents, spending the holidays together, etc) but he also didn't want to be in a relationship. So that was fun.
Practice makes perfect...
[rebelmouse-image 18352355 is_animated_gif=I had a friend a couple years back. We were both in college and kept in touch despite being a state apart we talked weekly. Well over spring break while we were both home he mentioned he recently lost his virginity and was told he was bad at it. I jokingly said well then we should practice to make you better. After talking about it and said we would just be friends with benefits. We "practiced" all summer and come fall when he went back to school that was the end of it. We don't talk about it anymore but I will say his girlfriend thinks he's great in bed and I'd like to think that was because of me;).
There really is something to this direct approach.
[rebelmouse-image 18352356 is_animated_gif=We were friends for about 5 years at the time and she was somewhat freshly out of a relationship of 6 years. We were just hanging out and talking about random stuff and she brought up thinking about using her time being single for the first time in her adult life (she was 25) as a reason to experiment a bit.
I gave her a sideways look for a bit and it went like this:
Me: I uh... wait... do you mean...
Her: Yes, pickalock, use your words.
Me: Oh, uh... no... I just thought you were trying to say something.
Her: What did you think I was saying?
Me: Oh, I thought you might've been hitting on me for a second.
Her: I was.
Me: Oh.
Turns out she's had a crush on me for.. well, 5 years. And cut me some slack. I'm 26 and while I've dated a couple of women, I've never actually had somebody outright tell me they had a crush on me before. Or even hit on me. It was a game changer.
We're back to just friends now (somewhat sadly). But much better friends, honestly. We both got to experiment and had a great time doing it.
If I had a dollar...
[rebelmouse-image 18352357 is_animated_gif=We literally hooked up at a party, had sex within an hour of meeting each other, and that's how we became friends.
Gonna need another dollar. Be careful with this tidbit though.
[rebelmouse-image 18352358 is_animated_gif=Get a boner, don't hide it, works every time.
Basically.
[rebelmouse-image 18352360 is_animated_gif=Step one: be hot
This concludes how to get friends with benefits
Some people are really spoiled.
[rebelmouse-image 18352361 is_animated_gif=We dated for about 3 months but it fizzled out after he went on holiday and then I went on holiday as he returned, and we never picked it back up. Occasionally when we were drunk after that we would hook up and it was all okay. So sober I thought "why not?" and he was into it. We were FWB for like a year and a half until he got a girlfriend, now they've split up and we're having sex again. We've never had any feelings confusion (so far) in the two and a half years we've been friends (with on and off benefits).
The long goodbye is cute.
[rebelmouse-image 18352362 is_animated_gif=I liked a girl, we both knew I was moving relatively soon, and I made a move. We had some good times and we liked each other, but it wasn't fair to either of us to start something real knowing I wouldn't be around in a few months. But we had a fun few months.
And here's the lesson from this thread.
[rebelmouse-image 18352363 is_animated_gif=Just ask.
I have had sex with more of my friends than not. Individually, threesomes, foursomes with mates wives and my partner.
It's more people are afraid to ask or think it's wrong. Honestly, people just like to f***.