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Police Officers Share The Funniest Things Nervous People Do Around Them

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The police pull up and immediately people tense. They start trying to act "normal," as if what they were doing is somehow a crime.

The police must roll their eyes at us doing these "normal" tasks all the time. And they know full well it's because they're right there.

u/Snnackss asked:

Police officers of Reddit, what's the funniest thing someone has done because they were nervous around you?

Here were some of those answers.

Always A Bigger Fish

My dad and I both work for the same PD, this is his story not mine. The shift before he had a guy detained for misdemeanor warrants or something. Some junkie comes walking down the road, sees the flashing lights and a cop next to a open back door. He empties his pockets dumping a pipe, needles, and 5 grams of drugs on the hood of his patrol car. He then spreads his legs and puts his hands on the car. My dad was shocked, let the other guy in the back go and took in the guy who just handed over his drugs. Apparently not sleeping for 3 days makes you paranoid.

durfee218

Broken Time

May be too late, but one day I was headed to my station at the end of shift (meaning I stare straight ahead and avoid getting any paperwork to make me stay late) I happened to be behind the same car for maybe 2 miles on the same road. We're sitting at a red light and out of nowhere this dude runs it.

Everyone at the intersection looks at me so of course I stop the dude. Make contact and he can barely hand me his license he's shaking so bad from being nervous. Ask why he's so scared and he says he saw me behind him and he's on diversion... For running a red light. Also ends up having weed in the car.

awwwyahh

Siphoning Gas

Partner and I pull up at Taco Bell to grab lunch. Notice this dude near a work truck looking kinda shifty, but he's standing next to another dude and both are wearing the same company logo.

I pretty much ignore him, however I realized I left my wallet back in the car. When I turn around the dude is nowhere to be seen. He hasn't bolted, parking lot is too big and we would see him.

At this point it has piqued my interest and I walk towards the truck, all the while the other dude is just standing there shaking his head. Turns out this idiot is on his stomach trying to crawl under the truck because he thinks we are there for him.

Bewildered, we detain the dude for a moment. We quickly find out he has no outstanding warrants, but instead was guilty of something stupidly minor. He used some of the gas from one of the company cars for his personal vehicle and he thought his boss knew.

Dude ruined his work shirt, got called an idiot by his coworker, and didn't even get away- for no reason.

RedPoliceBox

Flagrant Flatulence

Not a police officer but...

My dad was driving (with Me, my brother, my mum and the cat in the carrier) to our new house but he didn't put his seatbelt on because he was stressed or something. Then a police car drove over and asked dad 'guess why I pulled you over'. My dad was really nervous and farted loudly, turned around, and blamed it on the cat. The police officer was hysterical and told him to put his seatbelt on and laughed hysterically while driving off.

Spanishdepresso123

Drying My Hair

My neighbor's kid used to put on mirrored sunglasses, sit in the driver's seat of their parked SUV, and point a hair dryer out the window so he could keep score of how many speeders slammed on the brakes.

AmazonMinion

Drivers Ain't Got Nothing

Not a cop but I used to work as an EMT. Drivers who were speeding would sometimes slow down when they would see my ambulance like I could pull them over or something. Even with no lights or sirens on. I always thought that was hilarious.

Also, when running lights and sirens, instead of moving over and letting my ambulance pass, some idiots would slam on their brakes before moving to the side when I came up behind them, forcing me to slam on my brakes. Never do this.

jeansonnejordan

Skiing Skills

One time my brother, my dad, and I tied a water skiing rope to the back of our car during some heavy snowfall. We then towed my brother behind the car through the neighborhood on his skis sometime around midnight (so there'd be no traffic, and what few people were out were laughing their butts off) with me in the back seat acting as spotter in case he fell down or stopped.

And one point while driving up a hill we see police lights up ahead, at which point my brother drops the rope and uses his remaining momentum to go down an alley that's going downhill. Thing is that alley was FILLED with crazy potholes, so there's my brother putting his ski racing skills to use avoiding potholes instead of gates.

PKTengdin

Teenage Boy Stuff

Not a cop, but I like to go out at night and basically mess around and do stupid stuff like put on a light up helmet and have friends push me around in a shopping cart. Teenage boy stuff. I don't drink or smoke or vape or anything but I've always been worried that some cop is gonna see me doing this and test me for like drugs or alcohol or something and I'll come out clean. What would he even do then? Is there a protocol for clean, sober kid acting like a jerk in a CVS parking lot?

DipMcPickles

Psychological Coping

Giphy

In probation people would always answer the door with armloads of cleaning supplies or holding a broom or a mop or something when they very clearly had not been cleaning. I think its a sort of psychological coping mechanism for the embarrassment of having strangers show up with the authority to inspect your house if they desire.

Vict0r117

Back To The Financial Future

Giphy

Daughter of a cop: My dad pulled next to a DeLorean at a red light and started having a little chit chat. My dad, being the classic white guy punny dad, trying to be funny asked "So what happens when you reach 88 miles?" And with out hesitation what so ever, he responds "I get a ticket."

EnriquetaCumberbatch

police officers

People Describe The Most Traumatizing Thing They Ever Experienced As A Child

Image by Anemone123 from Pixabay

Life is hard. It's a miracle to make it through with some semblance of sanity. We are all plagued by grief and trauma. More and more people of all backgrounds are opening up about personal trauma and its origins. Finally! For far too long we've been too silent on this topic. And with so many people unable to afford mental health care, the outcomes can be damaging.

All of our childhoods have ups and downs and memories that can play out like nightmares. We carry that, or it follows us and the first step in recovery is talking about it. So who feels strong enough to speak?

Redditor u/nthn_thms wanted to see who was willing to share about things they'd probably rather forget, by asking:

What's the most traumatizing thing you experienced as a child?
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childhood

People Divulge The Real Reason Why They're Still Single

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Being single can be fun. In fact, in this time of COVID, being single can save lives. But the heart is a fickle creature.

And being alone can really suck in times of turmoil. None of us are perfect and it feels like that's all anyone is looking for... perfect.

Now that doesn't mean that all of us are making it difficult to partner up. Sure, some people are too picky and mean-spirited, but some of the rest of us are crazy and too much to handle. So one has to be sure.

The truth is, being single is confusing, no matter how much we try to match. So let's try to understand...

Redditor u/Mcxyn wanted to discuss some truths about love and our own issues, by asking:

Why are you single?
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being single

Chefs Divulge The Most Important Tips That Amateur Cooks Need To Know

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Whether you're an at home parent, a college student just leaving the nest, or a Food Network junkie, there are a few basic tips that everyone should know.

Chef's gave us some of their top tips for amateurs and beginner at home cooks that will really make a difference. They are trained professionals with years of experience in the kitchen, so they definitely know what we're all missing.

If you're looking to improve some of your cooking skills and techniques, but you're still learning how to boil water correctly, this list is for you.

Redditor BigBadWolf44 wanted in on the secrets and asked:

"Chefs of Reddit, what's one rule of cooking amateurs need to know?"

Let's learn from the masters!


What a common mistake!

"A lot of the time when people add salt to a dish because they think it tastes flat, what it really needs is an acid like lemon juice or vinegar."

- Vexvertigo

"Instructions unclear I drugged my dinner party guests and now they're high on acid."

- itsyoboi_human

"Yes! Or tomatoes. They're pretty acidic too and go with so many things. Our dinners are so much better once the garden tomatoes are ripe. Or if a dish is too acidic, oil/butter or a little sugar can help add balance to it."

- darkhorse85

"Like tomato and eggs. Every Chinese mom makes those slightly differently and I haven't had a tomato egg dish I didn't like yet."

- random314

"There's a book called 'Salt Fat Acid Heat' that comes highly recommended to amateur cooks."

- Osolemia

"Reading even just the first chapter about salt made a lot of food I cooked immediately better, because I finally understood salt wasn't just that thing that sat on the dinner table that you applied after the meal was cooked."

- VaultBoy42

"Salt is important for sweets. A batch of cookies without that little hint of salt doesn't taste quite right."

- Osolemia

Unfortunately, this tip might not be accessible to everyone. Many people who contracted COVID can no longer use their sense of smell the way they used to.

"Have a friend that lost his smell from COVID, and now he only recognizes if food is salty, sweet, sour or bitter."

- AlphaLaufert99

"Just wait until he gets his sense of smell back and a ton of foods smell like ammonia or literal garbage now. Yeah, that's fun... It's been 7 months for f*cks sake just let me enjoy peanut butter again!!!!!!!!!"

- MirzaAbdullahKhan

You can't take back what you've already put in.

"You can always add, but you cannot take away."

- El_Duende666

"I find people's problems usually are they're too scared to add rather than they add too much."

- FreeReflection25

"I see you also grew up white in the mid-west."

- Snatch_Pastry

Safety first!

"Not really a cooking tip, but a law of the kitchen: A falling knife has no handle."

- wooddog

"I'm always so proud of my reflexes for not kicking in when I fumble a knife."

"If I drop anything else, my stupid hands are all over themselves trying to catch it (and often failing). But with a knife the hardwired automatic reaction is jump back immediately. Fingers out of the way, feet out of the way, everything out of the way. Good lookin out, cerebellum!"

- sonyka

"Speaking of KICKING in. On first full time cooking job I had a knife spin and fall off the counter. My (stupid) reflex was to put my foot under it like a damn hacky sack to keep it from hitting the ground. Went through the shoe, somehow between my toes, into the sole somehow without cutting me. Lessons learned: (1) let it fall; (2) never set a knife down close to the edge or with the handle sticking out; (3) hacky sack is not nearly as cool as it could be."

- AdjNounNumbers

"Similarly, NEVER put out a grease or oil fire with water. Smother with a lid or dump baking soda in there (do not use flour, as it can combust in the air making things worse)."

- Metallic_Substance

How else will you know it tastes good?

"Taste the food."

- OAKRAIDER64

"Also don't be afraid to poke and prod at it. I feel like people think the process is sacred and you can't shape/flip/feel/touch things while you cook them. The more you are hands on, the more control you have."

"No, this does not include situations where you are trying to sear something. Ever try flipping a chicken thigh early? That's how you rip a chunk out of it and leave it glued to the pan until it's burnt."

- Kryzm

Here's one just for laughs.

"When you grab a pair of tongs, click them a few times to make sure they are tongs."

- Kolshdaddy

"People really overlook this one. You've gotta tong the tongs a minimum of 3 times to make sure they tong, or else it can ruin the whole dish."

- BigTimeBobbyB

If you're looking to get into cooking or to improve you technique, pay attention to these few tips.

Salt generously, add an acid to brighten things up, and don't forget to taste your food!

If all else fails, you can always order take out.

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cooking

People Describe The Most Inappropriate Thing They Ever Did As A Kid

Victoria_Borodinova/Pixaba

As part of the learning process, children often do embarrassing things before they learn a little more about the world and all the different implications therein. While the inappropriate moment is usually minor and ends in laugher some instances are truly mortifying.

One such instance involved a little sister who was around 6 at the time. It was the 90s and at the height of the youth-focused PSAs (think the frying egg representing your brain). One type was a safety PSA about stranger danger. The speaker would remind the children that if a stranger tried to take you anywhere to yell “Stop, you're not my mommy/daddy" to raise the alarm.

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