Anxiety often stems from lack of experience in something, and in a world where I can text, use a messenger app, send a chat, etc. there just isn't as much need to make phone calls as there once was.
Which means a whole lot of us turn into flaming dumpster fires when we can't avoid it.
Note, I said "us" - I'm right here with you, fam. Yes the phone call is easier and often cheaper than downloading the app, paying a processing fee and a delivery fee, and then tipping the driver - but is paying an extra $7 for pizza really SO bad?
Yes. The answer is yes. Over time that adds up and that means I have less money, which means less pizza!
Reddit user mildmusings asked:
"Have you experienced phone anxiety, where you get extremely nervous and embarrassed when answering/making a phone call, even when its something as simple as ordering a pizza? If so, how do you deal with it?"
Reddit, as always, came through with some helpful and not so helpful advice.
My major takeaway from all of this is that pizza is the main motivator for LOTS of people to get past this. That makes me feel so much better about myself.
Hesitation Makes It Weird
music video phone GIFGiphy"100%. I just have to pick up the phone and call."
"The longer I think about it directly corresponds to how much weird sh*t comes out of my mouth. By just calling or just answering with no thought about it I’m able to be myself at the least."
- On_theMind
"Yes! And when someone calls just pick up right away."
"It's tempting to mute it and say you'll call back later but the anxiety will just grow. Just answer the phone and get it over with, before you start constructing a weird script in your head."
- nattykat47
"Same. It’s always the anticipation, allowing myself to think of everything that could go wrong, making up scenarios in my head, that makes it difficult."
"Just need to pick up, dial, be relaxed and take it as it comes."
"I try to tell myself that there’s absolutely no need to be prepared for every eventuality or to rehearse responses to every possible question, but I always work myself up anyway."
- ManInTheMudhills
Pizza Is The Answer
I Love You Reaction GIFGiphy"I went the exposure therapy route and took a job answering phones at a pizza place."
"Once I realized I was kinda playing a character (pizza phone guy) and could hide behind that I was fine and that spilled over to other calls."
- bread-in-captivity
"Same for me!"
"Super introverted 16 year old me eventually got over answering calls by working in the pizza shop and taking calls. Still hate making calls to people that aren't expecting me though."
- LunaGuardian
"I was made by my parents to order some pizza to collect, but I was talking too quickly that one of the pizzas was the totally wrong one, so my mom needed to wait for the right pizza."
"Maybe try talking to strangers more often. Because most of the time isn't it the phone call itself that is scary, but knowing that you are talking to someone you dont know."
- FeriaStar
Scripting Success
Laverne Cox Abc GIF by EmmysGiphy"Oh my dude - I got you. LET ME TELL YOU A THING."
"I will literally write down a short script. I'll have my phone number, my address if needed, DOB stuff for me and my kids, health care numbers... all that stuff written down or close to hand."
"I'll have notes, questions I need to ask, etc. If I'm particularly upset about something I'll even write down my greeting and key phrases. I'll rehearse if I need to."
"I have been doing this since I was a kid. My mum made fun of me for it once (I had to call in to a radio station to post an ad and I even wrote down my "ums" because I was so nervous about how to sound) and I thought for yeeeears that I was just dumb and the LAMEST."
"Fast forward to age 36."
"I have debilitating anxiety, ADD, genuine auditory processing issues, and possible ASD."
"I don't f*cking worry about whether it's lame anymore - scripting is literally a tool for people with my issues, I've had counselors recommend it many times."
"Turns out little kid me was a smart cookie. Wish I could tell her that."
- MagpieMandible
Practice
Practice Makes Perfect GIF by The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy FallonGiphy"Yes. Then I worked as a receptionist for two years where I wore a permanent headset due to the volume of calls. No more fear of phones."
"If it helps, rehearse what you want to say before hand."
"If you're ordering food, have the menu at hand. If it's a billing issue or you're calling the bank (or anything related), have your ID at hand and any membership number or account number (whichever applies)."
"This way you avoid scrambling to get your info."
"Always have a pen and paper ready - ALWAYS. If you are taking down an email address, don't be shy to use the Nato phonetic alphabet. ("So that's A for alpha, R for romeo, full stop, zero, @gmail.com. Is that correct?") Then read it back to them. In my reception days, I literally printed this out and read from it when spelling a name or email address."
"Start the call with who you are and why you're calling. For example: 'Hi, my name is x and I would like to order a pizza.' "
" 'Hi, my name is X and I need assistance with my billing for January. Could you help me or transfer me to the correct department?' "
"And end your call with 'Thanks for your help, keep well. Goodbye.' "
"I always address people as sir/ma'am unless they correct me or tell me to call them by name. Don't be shy to ask 'I'm sorry, could you please repeat/confirm your name?' "
"The only way you get over this fear is with practice."
- dead_PROcrastinator
Trauma Time
Parks And Recreation Thumbs Up GIFGiphy"Went to therapy."
"After a few weeks, I realized my phone anxiety was a convoluted leftover from PTSD from something seemingly unrelated as a teen. Cured almost literally overnight."
"Truly bizarre how I went from feeling like I was made of lead and unable to do anything except wait in dread if I needed to make/was expecting a phone call to saying on multiple occasions, 'Oh I'll just call, it's easier [than texting/emailing].' "
- OhSoManyQuestions
Do The Thing
Do It Love GIF by TV OneGiphy"Stop giving a sh*t what people think of you and just do the thing."
"People in customer service deal with idiots all day long, they don't care if you stumble your words or don't know what you're doing as long as they can get you through the transaction."
"I have the same problem as the person posting this and this was how I decided to approach it. I work through the nerves and get it done even if I don't want to make the call."
"There's no brilliant 100 point solution for this, you simply bite the bullet knowing the person on the other end of the phone has heard worse and wants to get this over with just as much as you do."
- SquilliamFancySon95
"That's right."
"I've said the dumbest sh*t to customer service people and still got the help i needed. Just stay friendly is all it takes."
- _BEER_
Avoid Whenever Possible
Nene Leakes Reaction GIFGiphy"I didn't realize I had phone anxiety until I got my first call center job and was a wreck before every single shift."
"I never had a problem talking on the phone every day in high school with friends, girlfriends, etc... but as soon as I get on the phone with a stranger that has expectations for me (and is probably already irritated), my stress levels spike."
"My theory is that it stems from the depersonalization of not being able to see a real human; it's just two voices on the phone."
"You have no body language to use, and any period of silence you might use to gather your words feels incredibly awkward, so you feel pressured to respond to everything really quickly."
"Because of that call center job I never got over the phone anxiety. I don't even like talking with friends on the phone anymore."
"I don't have a strategy, I just try to avoid talking on the phone whenever possible. When I have to, I just grit my teeth and bear through it."
- halloweenjon
Move Out, Call A Doctor
moving GIFGiphy"Yeah, I refused to make phone calls when I was in high school because it was seriously nerve-wracking."
"Like, if I had to book a doctor's appointment, I would simply not see the doctor at all because I didn't want to make the phone call. Ordering a pizza would be out of the question."
"Once I moved out of home, I got a bit better at it - especially since stuff happened and I was constantly having to book doctors/specialists/tests over the phone."
"I still don't like doing it, but after a few years of practice, I can answer the phone and make necessary phone calls without having panic attacks or anything."
"There are some strategies to help (e.g. writing down any relevant information and having pen/paper in front of you). In saying that, if it's affecting you (especially if it's paired with something else like social anxiety or general anxiety), it's worth talking to a doctor about."
- notthinkinghard
Nobody Cares
jim nobody cares GIFGiphy"Heck yeah! I used to pathologically avoid making calls to check on things, to order stuff, to pay bills, and ESPECIALLY to ask questions / get support from a company."
"I got over it by realizing that there's nothing WRONG with calling and asking. And, that not only do they not care who I am (past whatever they have to do right now), they'll forget about me as soon as they hang up, possibly earlier."
"If I'm calling to get something fixed, it's their JOB to answer that call and take care of it. They expect to do their job, they're getting paid for it. And in an 8 hour day, I'm just another random person they won't remember."
"I got over it by realizing it didn't matter to the people I was talking to that I was talking to. That random people calling me are not sincerely looking for a relationship, they're doing a job they're getting paid to do, and I owe them nothing."
"And after I say 'no thanks not interested' and hang up on them while they're trying to take advantage of social custom and politeness, they'll forget and move right on to the next one. Not even a blip in their day."
"There's something called the spotlight effect, where we think everyone is watching us and judging us. The reality is, most people don't care, so you can drop the niceties in these transactional conversations."
- Deliberate_Engineer
The Assistant
season 3 episode 6 GIFGiphy"The best technique I found was to act as if you're an assistant making the call on your boss's behalf."
"Nobody is very mean to an assistant (except true a**holes and they would have been awful anyway.) And it's so much easier to make 'unpleasant' requests or be clueless if you're passing the buck."
"I learned this by being an assistant and having a terrible boss who made me make all sorts of awkward phone calls, lol."
- ObjectSmall
Readers, if you have phone anxiety what methods have you used to get past it?
Does it actually impact your life that much in the world of apps, chats, and messengers?
Sound off in the comments.
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Thankfully, the advent of the internet made social networking easier for like-minded people to find each other.
But the convenience of finding your people also allowed for ominous groups with questionable intentions to flourish.
Curious to hear about the type of cliques people should avoid, Redditor FreshPrinceAV asked:
"What cults are on the rise that should be made aware of?"
These groups use the guise of religion to manipulate the impressionable.
Targeting Teens
"A personal experience of mine. Back in 2018 during my first year in the university, there is a Korean cult that tries to recruit teens and adults. During this time, they focus more in recruiting teens since they are 'easier to fool.'"
"They approached me outside school and asked me if I believe in 'God the Father.' So I said I heard about it but it is a little different from my religion. They proceeded in asking if I live alone and other personal stuff, until they asked me to come with them for a minute and they will explain how I can become a member of their church."
"The moment I heard the term 'God the Mother' as they call a chosen female member (mostly teens and minors) to lead their church with their pastor, I immediately refused. The thing is, it is very relevant in Korea and the 'God the Mother' is their term for the female candidate who is chosen to marry their pastor."
– facel_ess
Claiming "Bible Study"
"I was a well read Christian at some point, so when this group bumped into me they were unable to sway my opinion to their benefit. I even visited their offices in nyc to entertain myself (I wanted to understand a little better how this cult worked)."
"They do lots of 'Bible Studies' that really aren't bible Studies at all. It's simply them telling you their perspective of what the scriptures say. Nothing is up for negotiation. Their interpretation is stated as fact. They feed you the belief system with the Bible, and you're expected to simply believe it. That's the type of 'Bible Study' this group offers."
– -Asher-
Recruiting Them Young
"Youth With A Mission, or YWAM. Maybe it's better in other places, but my local chapter gets them YOUNG and keeps them entirely dependant on them. They get no practical experience, no money, no education. Tons of people there in their 30s with kids still relying on YWAM."
"If you have ever heard the story from FarCry 5, YWAM in the area it's based on is pretty close to that. We even have a pastor that gets worshipped as though he is God. Levi Lusko."
– KhaosElement
People Are Compared To Arrows In A Quiver
"In the U.S."
"Quiverful and IFB (Independent Fundamentalist Baptist). Hard to trace because there are a lot of home meetings and non-organization. A lot of IFBers have basically merged into and taken over regular old Southern Baptist churches as well."
– handle_ah_brah
The Survivor
"I escaped from the Quiverful/IFB "cult" about two years ago now. They've completely brainwashed my family. I can't even have a relationship with any of them now that I've left. I'm constantly having to de-program myself from the harmful messaging the IFB shoved down my throat my whole life. The programming was even worse for me and my siblings because we were also homeschooled. My whole life was church and my homeschool group. I wasn't allowed to have friends or beliefs outside of that protective bubble. It's a scary thing and I'm so glad more people are starting to realize it isn't an innocent movement."
– No_Lobster4141
Not all cults exploit religion to go about their manipulative missions.
MLMs
"Agreed. A cult does not need to be overtly religious to be a cult. MLMs often prey on religious beliefs and religious networks, though."
– Kangaroodle
So-Called "Coaching" Groups
“'Coaching' groups. ✋🏻"
"Those organizations will get deep into your skin if you let them, bring you a false sense of security and fellowship, and get sensible information that could be used against you.
"Mostly made out of sensitive people with a lot of issues and insecurities that these 'professionals' will exploit to get money in exchange of 'experiences.'"
"EDIT: by coaching I meant 'Life Coaching' and they go around this 'neuroscience' abstract concept. Allow me to elaborate, for those who had never been in one of those."
"My personal experience was in 2018-2019. I was in a really bad place: low self esteem, unaddressed depression, school burnout, and a recent breakup. The last one was the reason I was lured into one of these groups, when she said that this could be 'a great opportunity to make our relationship work.' I went to her level 2 graduation and she seemed genuinely happy. We had a talk and I decided to take the Life Coach program."
"Level 1: they 'deconstruct' everything for you. Make you 'realize' that all of the things you’ve done are because you’ve never payed attention to your life, and promise you that you’ll be able to fix it. With their help. For a price. Hours range from 6-8 daily. They encourage you to take the 2nd level, where you will 'explore your potential' and break your 'idea box' (this being all the things you’ve been taught and make your persona)."
"Level 2: this was the hardest for me. They will put you in a position of compromise such that your failure is everyone’s failure, making peer pressure heavy. Strict hours that will open the door to demolarize practices in order to align you with the group’s main goal (which is to succeed this course). Hours get heavier: 8 AM to 3 AM next day. They tire you down, which allow the coach to manipulate your feelings. This is also the part where they will make you confess your darkest secrets (mine was heavy, so I couldn’t say it) and will make the group to pressure you to give in. I had a mental breakdown at this point, feeling like a hostage. By the end of the level, they will 'elevate' you with the help of previous members (literally, once you beat the final test, every single one of the members in the 3 programs will come and congratulate you; it was so relieving). This sets Level 3 in motion."
"Level 3: you will set goals for personal improvement for yourself. Pressure at this point was unbearable for me. I’d get calls every single hour to let know my progress, even followed around the city to 'bring reliable evidence.' It was at this point where my partner told me that she was worried about things that I did in the 2nd Level (coaches would tell her that I was unstable, and the things I confided to one of them in my vulnerable state, after they sworn to me that everything was private). I felt betrayed, and at this point I saw the thing for what it was, a scheme where vulnerable people would get comfort. For a price (which was getting more expensive each week). After that, I went home, had another breakdown. My psychiatrist recommended to call the thing off and start therapy, which I knew I needed and took the first step forward (I’d say that was the only positive thing about all this)."
"After all this, I decided to quit: they made me pay for the rest of the program and, after the swipe, I was banned from the premises. No one was allowed to look at me, call me, or other sort of contact. Even my partner decided to call the thing off 3 months after and started dating one of the guys she met there. Those were difficult times, but therapy and my nuclear family support was there for me."
"I’m in a better place now, learned from that experience and decided to get my mental health in my own hands from then on. I don’t know if it will work for other kind of people, but I’d recommend to go to a certified mental health professional instead of this."
– Abundiz93
While having a sense of belonging is human nature, be careful of the communities desperate to expand their membership.
Research, find out their intentions, and consult your friends.
When you're at a low point in life and feel lonely, your vulnerability is what makes you a target.
So be cautious when you set out to find your people. And don't ever feel obligated to pay money for your "friendships."
There are so many bad movies out there who knows where to begin. I do... Jason X (Jason in Space). It's BRILLIANTLY bad. You'll thank me later.
Cringe
marble hornets dancing GIFGiphy"The Slenderman Movie."
clover_delirium
"Definitely. I watched it once with my sister and it was so terrible that the only entertainment we got from it was making jokes about the cringeworthy scenes. They could've done so much more with this adaptation."
breakoutleppard
Oh Meow No!
"A talking cat."
Dlavernia89I
"I loved this movie. A drunk Eric Roberts literally phoning in his dialog for the cat. The very clearly homosexual dad and son talking about girl problems..."
"Then finding out the director usually makes gay porn. I made some friends watch this. They weren't nearly as smitten as I was with it. I don't like cats and they do. I figured this was just some way a rich dipsh*t found to immortalize their cat. If I had that kind of money, I would have done it for my dog."
lazyfacejerk
The Best of Bad
"Birdemic, the definition of 'comically bad.'"
david_burke2500
"Birdemic is a masterpiece of ineptitude. No part of it was not the worst it could possibly be. Terrible acting? Woo-boy. Clueless directing? In spades. Ham-handed editing? Hopeless special effects? Sound quality of two tin cans tied with string? Birdemic has it all."
cm253
Wrong...
"Dragon Ball Evolution."
SnooChipmunks126
"Goku who for whatever reason is a high school student. Imagine getting a character that incredibly wrong. A character that you could google, and learn every single inch of their personality traits, likes, dislikes, speaking mannerisms etc. You would think it's impossible to play or write that character wrong."
kynthrus
Memed Out
Emoji Apple GIFGiphy"The Emoji Movie, I hate it trying to relate to kids today it's like a teacher using dead tiktok memes in their presentation."
Front-Principle-9629
I'm strangely fascinated. Oh help me.
Compared to Books
game of thrones fire GIFGiphy"Eragon. And the Avatar movie (The Last Airbender). Technically, there are worse. But those two... Are SO bad if you even barely compare them with the original (book/series)..."
PhysicalRaspberry565
Worst of the Worst
"I visited my mom a few weeks ago and I saw this awful piece of crap movie on Lifetime with her, about a disk jockey trying to find love and running into a killer. Horrible acting, horrible story, shi**y writing. Worst movie I ever saw in my life. I don’t know the title. That movie was the first Lifetime movie I saw in full since I was a child living in a house with one television. 😂 Those things didn’t get any better."
Therednickels119
Shrewed
"'The Killer Shrews' when I was home after school in the 1950s, I watched black & white movies on TV. (I was probably 9 or 10). This one was so badly done, I kept watching out of fascination. People are isolated on an island, where shrews have grown to enormous size. There's a line like 'shrews had to eat their body weight in food every day,' so the risk is that they will attack and eat you."
"Much of the movie has people just sitting around, saying pointless dialogue, looking worried. That part is so boring. But then you see the shrews. They're dogs with big tails. They walk like dogs, casually, not at all threateningly, while the people shriek. Hand puppets of shrews were also used. The shrew scenes are so poorly done it's really funny. I had to keep watching."
aRoseBy
Ho Ho NO!
"Krampus: The Christmas Devil (2013). I thought I'm going for the 2015 Krampus I intended but mixed my movies and... it's just... bad in every aspect. Story, dialogues, scenes, acting, costumes, camera, sound, soundtrack, effects, everything is terrible!"
Boredombringsthis
"Watched it with my girlfriend during the holidays and said all I liked about it (and we didn’t finish it) was the title and I pronounced it Krahm-POOSE… over and over at random times of the day for like a week."
kid_sleepy
The Horror
Ian Mckellen Yes GIF by Cats MovieGiphy"I've seen Cats 3 times, there is something horrifying and fascinating about it to me. It's a mystifying movie, I don't understand why, it's genuinely extremely terrible. The only part that shatters the glamour and just becomes outright bad to me is James Corden."
RDAwesome
Now that is a list of horror. I can't imagine any of that sober.
So who here still depends on the kindness of strangers?
1986
Baby Facepalm GIF by MOODMANGiphy"I was leaving the hospital in 1986 with my husband and newborn. A lady in the elevator admired the baby and then looked at us and said, 'be good to each other.' We weren’t."
potato_bod_mom
Pay it Forward
"When I was 18 I was at McDonalds trying to get breakfast for all the guys from work, I came up like 5 bucks short and this old guy paid the difference and said 'you’ll have to help somebody out someday too.' So now whenever I get the chance to do something like that for someone that’s what I say. I hope the cycle makes it back to that guy."
hockeybag7
Thank You!!
"One day I woke up and had a headache. And that headache lasted every day for 2 years. I saw every doctor I could and tried every diet I could. No answers. My quality of life was non-existent and I was on the cusp of losing my job. I was at a restaurant with my mom, I was on one of my specialty diets that was supposed to help with headaches (spoilers, it wasn't)."
"I asked the waitress what was in the salad dressing. She asked 'I know it's none of my business, but can I ask why"' A short conversation later, she mentioned a doctor that worked specifically for people dealing with mold toxicity, otherwise known as MYCOTOXICOSIS."
"That waitress saved my life that day and I don't even remember her name. This was in Superior, Colorado at the now closed CB&Potts. If you happen to read this, you have no idea how grateful my family and I are to have run into you that day. Thank you."
thisendup76
Thanks Sweet Lady
"I had a person like this when I was a kid and I left my wallet next to a vending machine at the mall and when I came back it was gone. I lost a whole 7 dollars and I was devastated. This sweet little old lady saw me having a melt down and I was freaking out about how my parents were going to kill me and this lady legit gave me a 20."
"To an 8 year old who gets 2$ allowance per week a 20 was like getting handed 300$ as an adult. I hope it came back around for her too. Since this was in 1997 and she was probably 70 I don't think she would still be alive today."
mikee8989
Hungry Food GIF by America's Funniest Home VideosGiphy"The Sikh man I met on a flight from god-knows-where to London who invited me to their temple to eat for free."
EbonicalHillbilly
I'm amazed. There are good people in the world. Still jaded.
Thank you stranger...
Ufc 205 Thank You GIF by UFCGiphy"My anxiety was at it's peak and I was walking home from school. Then someone came up to me and just started talking to be like I was a normal person."
"Social skills were @ss, but he didn't seem to care. Gave me the confidence I needed to start doing the same and helping others who were lonely. Thank you, stranger. It was because of him that I was able to help others get out of their Social awkwardness."
p1tch-dark__
Freezing
"It was around February 2016 and the city got hit with a massive snow storm, I remember waiting at the bus stop with a mother and her child in a stroller. The bus was 45 minutes delayed, it was very cold with the wind chill, when the bus arrived we both got on."
"I chose a seat of the opposite side of the bus and this mother and her now crying child was sitting near the front, I could see that the mother was trying to warm her sons hands but was having no luck while her child kept crying. I moved from my seat and sat next to her and took her child’s hands in my hands. His hands were freezing while mine were toasty from my gloves."
"After about 5 minutes, the child calmed down and the bus was quiet again. I stayed with that mother and child for almost 2 hours on the bus until we finally got to our stop. I never learned of the child’s name or the mothers. I just simple sat there with them warming her child’s freezing hands up."
Niishin
Stay for Me
"I don’t remember him, just what he did for me. I was 19, got t-boned in an intersection by someone running a red and was knocked unconscious. He was a witness, and I think someone said he was the first person to call 9-1-1. He took my phone while I was out (before the days of locking phones), called my house, no one home, called my dad’s cell, which was answered."
"He told my dad what had happened and which hospital the paramedics said they were taking me to, and somehow managed to avoid making my dad panic about me. I mostly came to before I got loaded into the ambulance, at which point he gave me back my phone and said my parents would meet me at the hospital."
"I gather he then stayed to talk to the cops to speak up for me because I didn’t remember what had happened and the other driver kept saying it was my fault. I never got to thank him for going so far out of his way to help a complete stranger."
DefunctPenguin
I think about her often...
"I believe I was 19 at the time. I worked at Walmart at time and was working in the back that day when a lady that worked in the meat department was walking past me crying, I hugged her and asked what was wrong. She was covered in bruises and she told me her boyfriend beat her. She opened up and told me she was leaving him so I asked if she needed a place to stay that way she's safe and she told me no."
"Turns out he was waiting outside for her during her lunch, I once again asked if she was okay and if she needed help and she said no. After that night I never saw her again. I have no idea if she is alive and safe. I hope she's okay, I think about her often."
Vampire_Bun
Crash
Crashing Relapse Records GIF by Red FangGiphy"This guy that helped me out after I rolled my truck, he was late for work because he stayed with me until the tow truck got there. Really restored my faith in humanity."
hockeybag7
Some people just leave a lasting impression. So better. Be kind.
