People Break Down The Pettiest Thing A Neighbor Has Ever Done To Them
Are you really this ridiculous?
Jesus said "Love thy Neighbor," but Jesus didn't have to live with mine.
Who amongst us hasn't been saddled with a less than desirable person to commune with on the daily?
Or who among us is that neighbor? Some neighbors make you doubt humanity in their downright obnoxious, petty nonsense.
The way people can behave in the cul-de-sac makes "Desperate Housewives" look like a Disney cartoon.
Redditoru/Collins71514wanted to get the dish on everybody's neighborhood dramas by asking... What's the most petty thing a neighbor has done to you?I've mostly been blessed with great neighbors, well, quiet neighbors, which is what makes them great. Unlike one of my best friends who's daily wars with her neighbor, who blasts all sorts of music day in and day out, should be a sitcom. And when she calls the police, he finds petty ways to make her life miserable. Small gestures that just say... I suck.
Low Life
neighbors GIFGiphy"Stole the windshield wipers off of my car. I caught him on a security camera stealing them one night."
"Next day I went over to his house and told that some low life stole my damn wipers. The look he gave me was priceless, don't think he liked me calling him a low life. After I told him I had him on video he goes fine take them back and that was the last time I spoke to him."
Keys to the Suite
"A dorm neighbor was a huge fool and didn't care for anyone in the suite. So he did something like tip over his sub woofer, turn the music up and left for the weekend. The entire crew could feel it from our beds. I guess he didn't know that RA's have keys to the rooms. Maybe he also didn't know that you could get ejected from dorms."
The Worst of the Worst
"Lived in a neighborhood for about a year that was also home to one of the city council members. This witch would send notices to everyone for anything she didn't like and she'd try and sway the council to crack down on those she deemed the "worst" offenders."
"We earned a spot at the top of her craplist because we put our garbage cans at the curb in the afternoon rather than the evening. None of us were going out after dark and dealing with rats springing out of the cans like tiny, flea-ridden missiles. We didn't stop because legally, we weren't doing anything wrong."
"She was a stickler for making the neighborhood look fabulous even though most of the houses were in crappy condition and as mentioned earlier, the entire city had (probably still has) a really bad rat problem. So every week, we'd get a new notice from her, though she always tried to say it was from the council as a collective. Yes, she hand delivered that crap."
He's Harmless...
"Wacko neighbor was convinced that we had stolen his lawnmower. Of course we didn't. He ranted and raved about this but we just tuned him out because we thought he was a harmless crackhead.
One day he comes over in a panic and asks to borrow our lawnmower because his landlord was coming and if the lawn wasn't mowed, he'd be evicted."
"At the time we lived on a dead end street with six houses, what was the harm? He mowed his lawn then promptly hid it in his back shed and denied ever borrowing it. Before it could escalate to anything, he was arrested and we got our lawnmower back."
People Share The 'Dirty Secrets' That Their Bosses Don't Want Customers To Know
There's a lot businesses hope their customers believe, and there are many business practices you wouldn't dare believe. These are some of the secrets Reddit ...The Skimmer!
neighbors GIFGiphy"I had an a**hole neighbor who would skim the dead bugs, dead frogs, and debris from his pool and dump them in my yard."
"I found out when I head a 'tap tap tap' noise and looked over to see him reaching his pool skimmer over his fence to knock the rotting stuff into my yard.
So later when I found dog crap in my yard, I picked it up with a shovel and yeeted it over the fence into his pool."
See... people are crazy. You can't be sure who is dwelling beside you. That's why it's a prickly situation to call out the neighbors. Let's see who else is suffering.
Bins
Wtf GIF by Where's My Challenge?Giphy"Stole my trash bin because theirs got repossessed for lack of payment. Dumb a**es thought I wouldn't know it was them. Trash collection company took my old trash bin away from them, gave me a brand new one, and gave me a credit for having to deal with all this bullcrap."
- abguy19
Have we even met?
"I had a neighbor, who I had never met, continue to throw dead animal carcasses in my yard. This went on for several months. Rabbit. Rabbit. Possum. Squirrel. Raccoon. You name it. One day, I witnessed him doing it and this was how I determined who was actually performing this strange act. He was probably in his 60's. He opened his garage door, walked out with a pitchfork and something dead on it, then proceeded to yuck it in my front lawn."
"I waited until that night, picked it up and hurled it onto his car's windshield.
He never did it again. My other neighbor, who I eventually met, said he had some feud with the previous owner of my house. I guess he never realized I wasn't the guy he feuded with."
I Noticed
"We had our lot assessed and they put stakes in the ground on the property line. She pulled them up and moved them two inches over. It was very noticeable because they also made a small spray painted line along the stakes. I guess she didn't think we would notice that the stakes were no longer on the line."
LOUD
"My neighbhor would put on house music at loud volume (for his stereo) then leave for the night. It was mildly annoying in certain parts of my home.
So I bought some cerwin vega 15s, and played the same song back. Literally the same song, over and over and over..while I went on vacation for 4 days.
I'm not sure who was the bigger fool but we both stopped doing it after that."
"Later when he was throwing a party he asked if he could use my speakers cause "they loud af".
Edit: whoa lots of love!!!
For anyone wondering they were AT100s like these. Vega makes good ish. Highly recommend.
- Syst0us
Still Salty
Salty GIF by memecandyGiphy"I was at this neighbourhood treasure hunt when I was around 11. It was in a big park with lot of trees and rocks, parking lot and a community centre next to it. Me and my neighbours kid both figured out final clue and sprinted towards the finish, only for me to 'accidentally' bumped by his dad and fall.
Still salty about it till this day."
- f__h
My Land
"He's salty about a land survey that was done decades before I moved in. We have a decent neighborly relationship in general, but when I moved in he tried to convince me that a whole section of my yard was his. Fortunately, the previous owner had warned me he might try this.
Now we rent the house out. Every time a new tenant moves in, he walks the property with them and tries to move the property line again. Very petty, and so consistent!"
Thank the Storm
"Our neighbors CONSTANTLY complained for like 2 years about a tree in the back yard that looked like it was going to fall. They threatened to sue us if it did. Thing is, the tree was clearly on their property. Like by 5 feet."
"Then one day during a strong storm, a huge, seemingly strong & healthy tree, smack dab in the middle of their front yard blows over onto their house. We went over the next day and helped them cut it up & remove it. They could barely make eye contact with us & never said thank you. They did shut up about the other tree though, that's still standing to this day."
- Prossdog
Sandra Sucks
"I had a neighbor who literally thought she owned the actual street and had some big beef with my landlord (she'd sued him several times for things that never made any sense)."
"My landlord installed cameras because she took him to court so often and he needed proof that she was making stuff up.
She would mark down the time that I or any friends of mine arrived at or left my house and would sit in her driveway watching us.
Once, my landlord was going out of town and told me I was welcome to use his grill and have friends over (he lived next door to me). I did so, inviting maybe 5 friends, max, and we had a nice, mellow cook out. No loud music, no drunken debauchery or anything like that."
"True to form, the nosy neighbor called my landlord and told him that she was calling her lawyer and threatening legal action over our small party. Thankfully my landlord had footage of our gathering and deemed it all totally fine and completely within the bounds of what he'd invited me to do.
She sucked. Freak you, Sandra."
It's US!
"We were sort of that neighbor a few years ago. We were in the process of building our new house and had everything staked out before any of the groundwork started. I guess our neighbor thought we were too close to their property and had some city official come out to measure and in the process delayed our contractor.
Turns out we were 1 foot further away from their property than necessary and so, without even bothering to ask, our annoyed contractor picked up all the stakes and moved them 1 foot closer to the neighbor."
"too close to her fence"
"There was a big grassy park in the middle of our cul-de-sac that she insisted she owned entirely. It was part owned by every house. She would leave nasty notes on cars parked on the grass, cars parked "too close to her fence," and yelled at my husband and I when we were lighting fireworks on the beach a good 10' away from her house (they were little dinky things that definitely burned out before they got anywhere near her property). She sucked."
- MinagiV
Clean Up!
"People in the building were complaining that he didn't pick up after his dog. All of the apartments except mine were accessible behind a security door. Mine opened right onto the porch.
One day I came home from work and saw he wrote this HUGE note in thick Sharpie that said, "Clean up after your dog!"
He must have told the neighbors it was me, and left that note so that they could all see it really was me. To prove his point.
Except it wasn't me. It was him."
So Loud!
dance neighbors GIFGiphy"My neighbors play loud music and yell at each other quite frequently. Recently they realized they can turn the stereo into a PA and now scream obscenities at each other through the microphone. Lovely."
Tree Down
"He had a tree in his yard that threw a lot of shade on my side, which eventually killed everything that was growing there. So I spent a lot of time and money to plant a beautiful shade garden. He watched me the entire time, asking questions about the plants and how much they cost. The following spring, he cut the freaking tree down."
Water People
"Water people were out checking meters. Water guy asked me where our meter was - showed him where it was at.
Buttpicker neighbor comes out of his house hollering to the world that was HIS METER and I was not to touch it. We shared the in-ground meter thingie, two separate meters. Water guy had a good laugh and instructed the neighbor that it was indeed where my meter was, neighbor was embarrassed at his own behavior and went back into his house but watched us for a bit.
They were sort of weird. Always remember that they smelled like dirty bedsheets. #andersonisland"
Leave the Birds
Birds Chickens GIF by Real Food RNGiphy"Poison the area where she knew our chickens grazed. Right at the fence line, on our side. And yes, one of our chickens died because of that.
Edit: We only owned hens, not roosters."
- HoloF0X
What happened to the days where people brought over apple pies with the welcome wagon? Did they ever exist? Neighbors can be sketchy so... get security cameras. Lesson learned
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- People Explain Which Small Gestures Impacted Them The Most - George Takei ›
- People Share The Pettiest Opinion Hill They're Willing To Die On - George Takei ›
- People Confess Which Seemingly 'Forbidden' Things They've Always Wanted To Do - George Takei ›
- Poor People Share The Most Out Of Touch Advice They've Received From A Rich Person - George Takei ›
- The Pettiest Things Adults Have Ever Done To Kids - George Takei ›
Men Who've Gotten A Vasectomy Share Their Experiences
Reddit user GaleNotTheWind asked: 'Men of Reddit who have gotten a vasectomy, what was your experience?'
According to the Cleveland Clinic, over 50 million men have had a vasectomy.
Although avoiding sexual intercourse is the only effective way to avoid pregnancy, the male birth control procedure still has a low failure rate.
Those who are apprehensive about having a vasectomy fear the following: pain, impact on sex life, effectiveness, and side effects like cancer. (The National Cancer Institute and the American Urological Association have found that the procedure does not increase the risk of prostate cancer).
To seek some reassurance, Redditor GaleNotTheWind asked:
"Men of Reddit who have gotten a vasectomy, what was your experience?"
Guys discuss what happened after the snipping.
Making Sure
"For the love of God, do the follow-up appointment. The last thing you want is to be accidentally playing with a loaded gun."
– sleepypanda59
Wise To Wait
"The paper work I got for mine which was done less than 2 weeks ago said that you could have sex 2-3 days after but... definitely said to wait another few days."
– SisterPhister666
Follow Post-Surgical Procedures Or Else
"Had it done twice while living in Japan no less. Why twice? The first one failed."
"... apparently, so did the second (says my now 6 year old daughter)."
– shoelessmarcelshell
These men found that the procedure itself wasn't a big deal.
Assurance
"I was super anxious, but I had a great procedure. I was more freaked out about the shot of numbing agent to the balls, but it was legit nothing to worry about."
Normal In No Time
"Little operation, blue balls and no wanking for a week, then back to normal but without getting anyone pregnant."
– Bright_Composer_3901
"Made the mistake of having a pop after a couple of days. Jesus, the regret."
– Alante
Best Money Ever Spent
"When I woke up after the anesthesia - yes I asked to be put under, best $55 (after insurance) I ever spent - the caffeine headache I had upon waking was the most painful part. The preoperative instructions were nothing but water the evening before, no water for 4 hours before going under. The Safeway brand cola that the angel aftercare nurse brought me was pure refreshment."
– HarrumphingDuck
Cherry On Top
"Local anesthesia stings for a second or two then all you can feel is tugging after all is done the pain I would describe is like blue balls for like 2 days tops. I took a week off work recommend by doctor since I’m a construction worker and the heavy lifting but I felt like after day 3 I was good to go. Cons: minor pain discomfort, no hanky panky until last semen sample came out clear. Pros: , no unplanned pregnancies(it’s still possible very rarely)."
– Secure_Requirement84
Some final thoughts.
Only Pros
"To me, the only bad part was the smell of the cauterization of my vas deferens.. the procedure was fine. Local anesthesia before and during just felt slight tugging no pain. Recovery was easy. No pain. No cons. Only pros. And if absolutely need be it’s reversible. Much easier and less invasive than a woman getting her tubes tied and significantly less harmful than birth control. I’m an advocate. Get it done!"
– PunchARacist
One Unsettling Thing
"For me, it wasn’t the smell but watching the little puffs of smoke during the cauterization. That was truly and deeply unsettling."
"Otherwise, yeah, nothing major to report. Stayed in bed for a day watching old horror movies and assembling a Lego plant. Pretty much business as usual after that."
– GuestCartographer
The One Constant
"Got a vasectomy, it worked. Got it reversed, that worked.... twice Got another vasectomy...17 years later, all good. Just go to a legit great Dr. I mean top of the field Dr. For ANY messsin around down there. Vasectomy is WAY easier now than 25-30 years ago. In/out in an hour... The only thing that hasn't changed? ... The bag of frozen peas ..😂"
– richwat00
Vasectomies are performed via two methods, the incision vasectomy or a no-scalpel vasectomy, and both use local anesthesia to numb the scrotum.
Always consult a healthcare provider before undergoing the procedure and–most importantly–make sure you don't want to have children or that you and your spouse don't want to add additional family members.
Based on the anecdotes above, there's nothing to fear, so feel free to man up and get to snipping.
The Scariest Yet Most Realistic Films About The Future Ever Made
I've always enjoyed a good scare on film and my Mother indulged my preferences as she also loved a good horror film.
While we thoroughly enjoyed a good Disney movie together, I was also allowed to watch Jaws, The Exorcist and The Omen before I was 10 years old.
Slashers and sci-fi frights were good, but to me the most effective scares involved nightmarish scenarios that might easily happen in the not so distant future.
For me, growing up Roman Catholic meant demonic possession and the AntiChrist were on the list of plausible fears.
But what films offered possible Hellscapes for others?
Reddit user beefgulash asked:
"What is the scariest—yet most realistic—future film ever made?"
Threads
"I thought that BBC’s nuclear holocaust Threads was much more terrifying and depressing than United States TV movie The Day After."
~No-Distance425
"Threads might genuinely be the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen."
~ ThorCoolguy
Her
"Her. Everyone is so online that they lost the ability to make human connections, to the point where it's a business for the main character to write personal letters on behalf of others."
"So lonely, he easily falls in love with an AI and the only one who still feels real emotions, his ex wife (Rooney Mara), is treated like a crazy person."
"With everyone too online and severely lonely, we are practically living in that emotional dystopia now."
~ grandmofftalkin
Children of Men
"Children of Men. You want to know what makes it so scarily realistic?"
"Alfonso Cuaron deliberately shot scenes in East London and asked the production designers to make it 'more Mexican'—in other words, make it look even more run-down than it already was."
"Cuaron leaned in on his own experiences in growing up in Mexico and seeing everyday poverty to bring that to look and feel to a futuristic London. The future-London isn't a gleaming metropolis—it's a metropolis on the verge of collapse and giving up."
"The battle scenes weren't fantastical as so many sci-fi dystopian films often are: they're based on real, real conflicts. Cuaron was smart to include imagery from the then-current Iraq invasion and the atrocities committed in Abu Ghraib to jar the viewer's thoughts and attentions just long enough to make them feel queasy."
"The shots of illegal immigrants in cages were disturbing then—well, they should be f*cking frightening now. Cuaron and the production designers saturated that film with little visual snippets of then-current events and fictional future atrocities to make it a highly believable—and scary—world."
~ PureDeidBrilliant
Contagion
"Contagion—a movie about a coronavirus outbreak, that pre-dated COVID-19."
~ glrd1
"When I saw that movie in theaters, there was someone coughing a few rows behind. Like, big, wet, juicy coughs..."
"I hated that immersive movie experience."
~ only_bubble_sort
"The fast killing virus that spreads around the world was a bit unrealistic but man was it a trip watching this during lockdowns."
"I'd never heard of 'social distancing' until the pandemic and it and other pandemic facts of life coming out in the movie hit home."
~ Dmzm
A Scanner Darkly
"A Scanner Darkly. A large amount of the population have become drug addicts, the government enacts a total police state, and the addicts slowly descend into insanity, and eventually are put into rehab once their brains are fried.
"Once they are 'rehabed' (they are basically lobotomized, or brainwashed) they are sent to work on large corporate farms."
"The same corporations that own the rehabs, also own the farms, and they are also the ones growing the illicit drugs that cause the whole problem."
~ CmTrumpet
The Road
"The Road. I remember seeing the premiere of it at a film festival and the director and cast were there and all smiles and jokes and so happy to be there…and then the movie plunged all of us into pure despair for 2 hours."
~ Other-Marketing-6167
"I read the book multiple times before the movie came out."
"The movie makes your heart break, but the book destroys your soul and will to live for like a week after reading."
~ Some-Philly-Dude
WALL-E
"WALL-E. The fact that Pixar showed everyone a very real future Earth if we continue down the path we're on and nobody did anything about it speaks volumes. Everyone knows sh*t's f*cked."
"I'm rooting for the roomba with solar panels who gets outside after we've annihilated ourselves, enjoy fulfilling your set purpose lil' dude."
~ Shes_dead_Jim
Gattaca
"Gattaca. If you ever watch it again listen to how they talk about him and his 'condition'."
"It’s all 'could” and 'might' and 'possibly' and similar caveats."
"His only 'condition' was being a natural birth and not a designer baby."
~ pocket-friends
RoboCop
"RoboCop. Dude dies at work. Gets resurrected to continue working."
"Also the whole bit about corporations privatizing public services."
"Feels like we're gonna be there in a few years."
~ Gentleman_Jack90
Elysium
"Elysium strikes me as the most realistic, as far as the social structure."
"You have an ultra rich class, a mercenary type 'middle' class, and everyone else is fighting for the scraps."
~ Maliluma
"Sure seems like the logic extension of the widening global gap between a few ultra-wealthy and the rest of the population."
"The ultra-wealthy already are invested in space travel, colonizing Mars, island compounds and extreme longevity."
~ RichardBonham
Logan's Run
"Logan's Run, it's a bit of a cult classic."
"In the future, there are limited places for humans to live, so everyone has an 'expiration date' regardless of how healthy they are."
"Everyone has to die before a certain age. I won't spoil it in case anyone wants to see it."
"It's an old school sci-fi movie that I have loved since I was a kid."
~ macmac360
12 Monkeys
"No one mentioned 12 Monkeys yet?"
"Found it super realistic and scary."
~ mrs_anouk
Soylent Green
"Soylent Green solves both problems of overpopulation and food scarcity.... so, maybe it will happen."
"I just hope they think of 3rd Degree Burn Scorchin' Habanero Soylent Green when they do it."
~ ketchuptheclown
Metropolis
"Metropolis. Complete masterpiece in my opinion."
~ CaptianOfCows
Idiocracy
"Idiocracy."
~ BrilliantlyClueless
"I like to believe that somewhere in that world a pocket of smart people retreated to someplace isolated like New Zealand and persisted."
~ notapunk
Zombies! 🧟♂️🧟♀️🧟
Personally, I love zombie movies based on the concept from George A. Romero's classic Night Of The Living Dead.
Zombies existed in myths and legends before Romero's film, but not in the way they do now in popular culture.
Romero's movies also always included social commentary on economic inequality, racism and the ills of unbridled capitalism.
To me zombie films show how people would react in a viral health crisis and our recent pandemic made them all the more real.
So what movies do you think are scary because they're too real?
The Worst Reasons Cheaters Have Given To Justify Their Infidelity
Infidelity in marriages isn't as widespread as people think. While some cynics would have us believe faithful partners are scarce, they account for over 4 out of 5 spouses.
Still, 16% of married couples in the United States admitted to being unfaithful at some point in their marriage.
And 57% of divorces were due to cheating.
In marriages where infidelity occurs, but doesn't result in divorce, the loss of trust is still a problem. It can make emotional and physical intimacy challenging.
So why do people cheat instead of ending their relationship before moving on?
Reddit user littlehoneybear2104 asked:
"What is the worst reason you've heard for cheating on someone?"
What's Old Is New Again
"He wanted to try something new."
"He cheated on me with his ex."
~ meeez80
GiphyPreemptive Strike
"Just in case he would ever cheat on me, I cheated first, so it's his fault for possibly cheating on me in the first place."
~ Competitive_Bat4986
Mission Accomplished
"To have a reason to end the relationship."
~ chewie_33
Tough Enough
"He said I'm strong and I can handle it."
"Like WTF? Does that give someone a free pass just to cheat?"
"Like we ain't tolerating that too. Done with that person."
~ drn-07
GiphyDream On
"Ex cheated on me because I cheated on her in a dream shehad and she was sure it was a sign that I was unfaithful in real life."
~ Craigothy-YeOldeLord
Oops!
"It was an accident."
"Yeah, 'I tripped and fell into her vagina' sounds legit."
~ dabbad525
GiphyGrow Up
"You didn’t show me enough attention the past few years! You didn’t take me anywhere! I’m the baby in my family, I need attention!”
"I worked 3 jobs, played with the kids, and finished a degree… during COVID while EVERYWHERE was closed."
~ hephaestus1219
Lockdown
"I was together with her for 14 years, married for 6 and this dipsh*t said we stagnated for a year during COVID because we didn’t go out anywhere...because she was deathly afraid of COVID."
"Some people are so pathetically stupid."
~ Virgin_nerd
GiphyUnsupervised
"My best friend in high school/college claimed it was my fault she cheated on her boyfriend because I left them in the room alone together with the she cheated with."
~ Smart_Form_9569
Too Perfect?
"My ex said it was because I was 'too perfect' and that he couldn't live up to the standard I had set by being who I was."
~ MarvelousShiggyDiggy
Trauma Response
"My cousin’s ex said she felt she had to hook up with the guy working the front register at Walgreens because of the events of 9-11."
"I’m not even kidding. This was on 9-11."
"She apparently was so upset she staggered into Walgreens and fell on the first guy she saw."
~ Big_Psychology_4210
In The Stars
"My ex cheated on me because 'August has new energy'—something to do with astrology. And yes, I mean the month August, not someone named August."
~ Frog-Thing
Giphy*yawn* 🥱
"The relationship just got boring"
"Their marriage seemed perfect inside and out, except she got bored of being a wife and mother."
"She tried fighting for the marriage after her affair partner died of a heart attack and husband called her out on her bullsh*t."
~ DevilinDeTales
Some people aren't meant for commitment, but that should be something they disclose to their partners before they cheat.
It would avoid a lot of wasted time and heartbreak.
When it comes to flirting, everyone has their preferences of how they like to be flirted with. Some people like cleverly crafted pickup lines.
I always thought pickup lines were a cheap way to get someone's attention. That being said, there are some good ones out there. I've been on the receiving end of both. "On a scale from one to America, how free are you tonight?" and, "You must be the square root of two because I feel irrational around you."
Both got me to engage in conversation, and I even dated the guy who used the first one for a while.
I'm not the only one that knows some good pickup lines. Redditors have both heard and used some pickup lines and are eager to share their favorites.
It all started when Redditor Sauce_Dealer420 asked:
"What's the best pickup line of all time?"
Read It And See
"You put the sexy in dyslexic."
– koookyko
"This made me laugh so hard."
"Because I can read properly."
– TappedIn2111
I'm Hooked
"This girl I used to work with and I went to a bar after work and we’re having fun, and she leans over to tell me a joke. And she says:"
"Three boy mice and a girl mouse were all stuck in a room with no doors and no windows. One of the boy mice asked the girl mouse how to get out and she said, “Sleep with me tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning.""
"The next day, he is gone. The second boy mouse asks the girl mouse how he got out and she says, “Sleep with me tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning.""
"Next day, he’s gone too."
"So now the girl telling me this joke says to me, “Do you want to know how the last mouse gets out of the box?”
"And I say “yes.""
"And she says, “Sleep with ME tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning”. All this while staring me in the eyes and smiling."
"I said, “Check please bartender!!""
"I forgot to ask her in the morning, but that was the best pickup line I’ve ever heard."
– reb678
Statistics
"The odds we sleep together are 50% because half of us agree so far."
– AlfheimKitteh
"Math is always super sexy."
– Acceptable-News-6811
Money, Money, Money
"Hey girl, are you the English financial system? Because I'm about to give you a weak pound."
– onemanwolfpack21
"Yo girl, do you know exchange rates? Because Euro 10."
– kkirchhoff
Winner, Winner
""Are you a magician? Cuz every time I look at you, everyone else disappears.""
"This line got me a wife and three kids. 😊"
– PRSHZ
One Liners
"Are you a beaver? Cuz damn."
– Starry_Night-
"If you were a fruit you'd be a fineapple."
– Slainna
"Hi, do you want to go for a ride on a Harley?"
"(My name is Harley) 😁"
– OMNIxvTRIX
No Losers
"If I asked you for a date would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this question?"
– SchemePale6222
"I got blue screen in my head."
"Explain please."
– TastyToothpasta
"You can't lose. Say no, the answer is yes. Say yes, the answer is also yes."
"Dang sounds kinda creepy writing it out like that. Still clever wordplay though."
– Steeze_Schralper6968
Clever
"My go-to was always:"
"I used to be a history teacher, so I know lots of important dates. Want to help me make another one?"
"A little corny, but it usually worked."
– StuffToday
Refreshing
"That one actually worked with my ex on the first try."
"-Hey, do you like water?"
"-Yes."
"-Then you like me in 70% already."
– azurskyy
Sneaky
"Would you date a complete stranger?"
"If she says “yes” you’re in."
If she says “no.”
“Then allow me to introduce myself.”"
– Blastspark01
Playing Coy
"Once a girl came to me and told there was somebody who thought I was cute."
"I asked her who and she said “Me.""
– evil_boy4life
Prop Lines
"You have to have a handful of limes available to do this:"
"Hold the limes, drop the limes in front of the lucky person. Then say 'Sorry, I'm not very good at pick up limes.'"
– cannibalcats
Egg-cellent
"Best one that worked for me was:"
"Me: How do you like your eggs?"
"Her: Over easy, why?"
"Me: Just making sure I have things right for when I make you breakfast in the morning."
– Radiant_Boss4342
The Best Line
"How you doin?"
– 2x4x93
"There was a time when this was the ONLY line you could use!"
– JohnsLong_Silver
That line would definitely work on me!