People With Dark Humor Share What Made Them Laugh During A Funeral[rebelmouse-image 18358285 is_animated_gif=
It's never easy to say goodbye to someone you care about and funerals are all about goodbyes. But when emotions are high, you're susceptible to more than one kind of outburst.
Reddit user GingerMonkeys asked "What caused you to laugh during someone's funeral?"
Here are the times that people couldn't help but laugh during a normally solemn occasion.
Who Are You?[rebelmouse-image 18358286 is_animated_gif=
Back in 2007 my friends and I where going through that pop punk against the establishment kind of scene phase, well when my best friend took his life in late 2009 his parents decided to play a montage music video of his life. Well the band they decided to use was a Nickelback cd they found in his room. I couldn't hold it back, I started to laugh uncontrollably. Once I stopped Laughing I couldn't tell whether his family didn't really know who their son was or was my friend a secret Nickelback fan.
Sophie[rebelmouse-image 18358287 is_animated_gif=
My grandmas funeral had a slideshow of pictures. One of the pictures was of her in her recliner with her dog sitting in her spot above her head. We all laughed because her and Sophie, the dog, had the same hair. It was a white Maltese Jack Russell kinda mix. She loved that damn dog and I'll cherish that picture forever.
I Like Big...[rebelmouse-image 18358288 is_animated_gif=
The love of my life committed suicide almost three years ago. N was young, handsome, accomplished, hilarious, and so so loved, & his visitation was packed with literally hundreds of people coming to say goodbye. Before the eulogy began we all crowded into a too-small room and his twin brother asked for a moment of quiet before he played a song N had loved.
I don't know how. I don't know why. But from somewhere - at that exact moment of silence - Sir Mix-a-Lot's "Baby Got Back" came blaring through the room. The wave of laughter that rolled through us was exactly what we needed, & we laughed until we sobbed. N had the best sense of humor & always found the absurd hilarious - if he could've planned his own funeral, he without a doubt would've planned something like this. He was also never shy about appreciating a nice butt, & since I'm kind of known for mine I've got to admit that THAT song playing at that exact moment still feels in the weirdest way like a small wave goodbye from him. We never figured out where that song came from - it didn't come through the speakers of the funeral home, & no one has ever admitted to playing it as a joke - but I'm so grateful to the universe for giving so many of us a small, happy memory in the midst of so much sadness.
Rocko[rebelmouse-image 18358289 is_animated_gif=
My grandpa died when my daughter was about 6. She was sitting on her dad's lap during the service. The minister said the old ashes to ashes, dust to dust line. My daughter whispers the rest of the timeless Rocko's Modern Life quote, "We stick Ed Bighead in the Earth's crust."
My husband, son, and I all lost it and we're shaking in near silent laughter. As close to silent as we could muster, anyway. Still the funniest thing I've ever witnessed at a funeral.
Let the Trumpets Sound[rebelmouse-image 18358290 is_animated_gif=
The priest farted. It was my great grandmother's funeral, and the last thing she ever told me was that she was happy she had her own room in the care facility "so I could fart as much as I want, and man, I let out some real corkers". I was with my dad then, and next to him at the funeral. I don't believe in God, but when that Priest let the good tunes fly, it's the closest I've come.
DOGE[rebelmouse-image 18358292 is_animated_gif=
One of my friends was buried in his doge shirt. My other friend and I were low-key giggling at his casket, just as he would have wanted.
Ashes to Ashes[rebelmouse-image 18358293 is_animated_gif=
We had my aunt cremated and during the wake we were discussing having her ashes put into a piece of jewelry (like a locket) for her mother. My dad (her brother) decided that'd be the perfect time to comment that "they'll have to be bloody careful unless they want to vacuum my sister out of the rug"; I was so close to wetting myself with laughter, sometimes a little dark humor can really make your day.
My brother-in-law then followed up the comment by humming spoonful of sugar from Mary Poppins because my sister informed us they only needed a teaspoon of the ashes to put into the pendant we decided on; clearly we're a family of idiots.
So Lifelike[rebelmouse-image 18358294 is_animated_gif=
At my Granny's funeral, there was a misprint on the flyer thing that said she'd died a year before she actually did. My dad commented that she looked great for having been in an open coffin for so long.
Holy[rebelmouse-image 18358295 is_animated_gif=
The priest praying at the end. "Thank you God for your eternal erection--- resurrection...."
One of Jesus' lesser known miracles.
And on the third day, He rose.
Axe of Vandalism[rebelmouse-image 18358296 is_animated_gif=
My friend, Steven, who died was really snooty and kind of liked the finer things in life.
It was an open casket. Our friend Jenny went up to pay respects to Steven.
During the service she leaned over and said, "I sprayed Axe on Steven when I was up there."
First time ever Steven wore a cheap-ass fragrance.
I <3 BOOBS[rebelmouse-image 18358297 is_animated_gif=
We were only 16 and it was a classmate. Very tragic. When I went up to the casket I noticed her parents chose to bury her with all of her favorite things including her phone and an "I LOVE BOOBIES" bracelet (breast cancer awareness) on her wrist, eye level to where I was kneeling. It made me chuckle, and with all of the emotions I ended up being unable to stop laughing for the remainder of the service.
Accurate Description[rebelmouse-image 18348039 is_animated_gif=
This wasn't at the funeral but at the luncheon afterward. The daughter of the deceased came to our table and asked how everyone was doing. My schoolmate said, "oh, alive and well!". I spit the coffee out of my mouth. Everyone else was silent as I was dying from laughter. The kid's face was beat red from embarrassment.
Pulsating[rebelmouse-image 18358298 is_animated_gif=
About ten years ago, I was at my wife's Grandmother's funeral. Small rural farming town, the funeral was in the quintessential small town funeral home, and presided over by the preacher in a tiny baptist church. Mullets abounded.
Anyhow, during the "sermon" that we were all sitting through, this preacher was gearing up toward an altar call. In building momentum, he was describing her life, and when he got to the point of her death, he described it thusly:
"...when her pulse pulsed its last pulse..."
I have no memory of what was said directly before or after. But I looked at my wife, she looked at me, and we glanced around at the rest of her family, who were all trying to keep the laughing at bay.
For the rest of this service we did all we could not to laugh, and only had moderate success. We got strange looks from the locals wondering who these rubes were laughing at a funeral of all places.
My wife and I still bring it up from time to time. I never thought I'd hear the word "pulse" used for so many different parts of speech in a single sentence.
Hat Trick[rebelmouse-image 18358299 is_animated_gif=
At my grandmother's funeral all the men were to wear yarmulkes but it was a windy day and as a bald man, mine kept blowing off of my head.
People are crying and the Rabbi is telling nice stories and I'm hunched over running around like an idiot chasing a tiny hat.
Should Have Brought a Snack[rebelmouse-image 18358300 is_animated_gif=
My sister's stomach growled loud enough for me to hear from two people away at my husband's grandma's funeral. We both laughed out loud. Thankfully it was just our small family so no harm done. Grandma would have laughed too.
Deep Sleeper[rebelmouse-image 18358301 is_animated_gif=
It was my grandfathers wake, not funeral, but I think it still counts. My grandma had Alzheimer's that was getting worse and worse. Everyone was going through the line saying their goodbyes to my grandfather in his casket. Don't know who it was but after one couple had said their goodbyes, they stopped to say hello to my grandma. They asked her how she was doing and she replied, "I'm doing great, but you should see Tom...he's not doing so hot" and gestured with her thumb towards his casket. She was so sweet and literally had no idea he had passed away...I know it sounds sad but her (unknowing) humor lightened all of our moods and we died laughing. That poor couple.
Parental Guidance[rebelmouse-image 18348034 is_animated_gif=
Someone near me greeted one of the deceased person's parents, and said: "Thank you for coming."
They didn't know who the person (parent) was.
Grandma's Wishes[rebelmouse-image 18358302 is_animated_gif=
My grandma was my favorite person. She was a fire cracker who almost always got her way, and also the type of person who everyone considers family from the moment they meet her. Literally every adult I knew called her "Ma" (including the CEO of one of the biggest tech companies in the 90's, for whom she was the Executive Assistant). She died a slow painful death from pancreatic cancer. This gave her a lot of time to think about and plan for her funeral, which is not something typical of Jewish services. She made lots of crude jokes about what food to serve during Shiva and what her obituary should say but one thing She was VERY clear and serious about was wanting everything to be as short and light as possible.
When she passed and we went to the funeral home we were very clear with what we (she) wanted and needed and the Rabbi agreed to do what we (she) had asked. However, when we got to the gravesite he went on and on and on and on and on and on (and on and on). There had been a really heavy rain the night before and morning of the funeral, so there was a tent over the area near her grave. The rain let up just before we got to the grave from the Temple and even though the tent had collapsed in a few parts due to pools of water, it was still standing. As the Rabbi is yammering away well past his agreed upon time frame a gust of wind comes out of nowhere and knocks ONE puddle off the tent, the puddle the Rabbi was standing directly under, soaking him and abruptly ending the service.
We all went from crying to hysterically laughing instantly. Say what you want, but from what we could tell there is no reason only THAT puddle was dumped off the tent or that the Rabbi was the only one soaked. We all agree Grandma was there to ensure she got what she wanted.
Chauffeur[rebelmouse-image 18358304 is_animated_gif=
I came so close to laughing at my wife's father's funeral. It was a Jewish funeral and the rabbi was going to blow the shofar (that ram's horn thing), and he talked about what it was going to symbolize and all, but he pronounced it exactly like "chauffeur" so I was just picturing him talking about how he was going to blow a chauffeur and it was going to be so beautiful and meaningful. So that had me on the edge. But then when he actually blew the thing he was really bad at it and it was the most comical noodly squeaky farty sound that I came really, perilously close to cracking up. If I had, I might not be married today.
Open Mic[rebelmouse-image 18358305 is_animated_gif=
The priest went to the bathroom during the eulogies. He forgot to turn his little microphone off. I knew my grandfather (the deceased) would have been laughing his ass off.
Luckily it was just peeing, BUT it was very obviously peeing. Right in the middle of a heartfelt story too. Several of us were cracking up pretty good during the whole thing.
All of us have fears which some might call irrational.
Up to and including ghosts, witches, monsters.
But more often than not, reality can be far scarier than the supernatural.
And there are very few people indeed who don't have a memory of a moment when they were truly and genuinely scared.
And not by an otherworldly encounter, but by things that could quite literally happen to anyone.
Redditor GodhimselfUwU was curious to hear the scariest experiences people have lived through, leading them to ask:
"What’s the scariest non-supernatural thing that ever happened to you?"
"I was 14, alone at my grandmas house around midnight."
"She was across the street at the bar she owned."
"I was playing games on her computer, about 15 feet from one of the windows facing the backyard."
"All of a sudden the glass from that window shatters, and I ran to one of the bedrooms."
"I can hear my name being called."
"Eventually I see my grandma's ex-boyfriend enter the living room where the computer is."
"He keeps saying my name."
"I’m scared sh*tless, but I walk out and confront him."
"He says my grandma stole his ID and that’s what he came for, as he’s taking money from my grandmas purse."
"He looks f*cked up on something."
"I forget how he leaves but when he does I call the bar and people come over looking for him."
"They didn’t find him."
"About a year later he did it again, and I was once again alone there."
"Except this time instead of breaking a window he decides to try to kick the side door in."
"I’m just there chilling when out of nowhere I hear the loudest bangs coming from the side of the house and I instantly knew what was happening."
"I immediately called the bar and they sent a bunch of people over before he could make it in."
"He apparently tried to jump from one of her sheds into the alley next to her house and broke his leg."
"He went to prison."- nfreshn
They're coming right for us!
"Two bison charging right toward me down a narrow wooded path in Yellowstone when I was 12."- pcc2Open Range Running GIF by Reconnecting RootsGiphy
Uncomfortable in new surroundings.
"My sister has mental health issues."
"We were in a foreign country, driving across mountains on a one lane dirt road with no guardrails."
"She had a complete mental breakdown and threatened many times to drive off the edge."
"To this day, my mom swears my sister wouldn't have done it."
"All I say is, 'you weren't in the car'."
"'You have no idea'."- BlorengeJulius
Lost in the woods.
"Getting lost on 350 acres of woods in southeast Georgia."
"Was found about 6 hours later."
The dog found me hours before the people did.- No_Regrats_42Scared Woods GIF by Brat TVGiphy
A near death experience.
"Was working as a linemen tasked to replace a 16m wooden power pole which requires climbing up to untie the lines from the isolators."
"I checked if the pole had any rot beforehand, climbed up, untied the lines, climbed down, as I was packing my tools up , the pole fell from its own."- LimaRadek
He wasn't who he claimed to be.
"A man claiming to be a meter reader was in our yard and tried the back door AFTER trying the front."
"It was unlocked because there was a field behind us and our gate had a lock, that he somehow got by."
"The meter reader man was nearly eaten by our Great Dane who was dumb and peaceful, except for when she laid eyes on him."
"Our other dog also wanted to kill him and he was up on our trampoline begging us to call the dogs off, which we, my then 11 year old sister and I, refused to do and went to get our dad, who worked from home."
"The guy escaped while we got our dad and my dad let the police know what happened."
"The real meter reader man came the next week."- ApplesintheorchardDog Bouncing GIF by AFV PetsGiphy
Had no idea what they were witnessing.
"I guess watching a loved one have a seizure when I didn’t understand what it was."
"Legit thought I witnessed a death."
"Scary stuff."- Peppapigisgodly
Always look both ways.
"I got hit by a car while in a crosswalk a few months back."
"Had a split second where I saw him coming and realized what was about to happen."
"I thought I was going to die."- jolalolalulu
Big Sister to the Rescue.
"Saved my sisters life."
"We were boating and my parents just kinda assumed we’d be ok with them only out a couple hundred feet."
"I was about 17 and she was about 7."
"I’m laying there chilling and see her slip and fall into the water and just straight up sink."
"Ran over, dove in and pulled her to shore."
"She spit up a bunch of water and was fine but that experience rocked me to my core."
"Not a super crazy story but almost seeing a sibling die has always stuck with me."
"I’ve broken almost every bone in my body, I died one time and was in a coma for a little bit but for some reason this one stuck with me."- Present-Trip5231
Often, an experience that left us scared does make for a good story down the line.
Though whether it was a good enough story to make having gone through the experience worth it, is debatable.
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Having to work for a living is hard work.
Some jobs come with difficulty and two extra sides of stress.
So the last thing people need is unwarranted hate.
I'm so glad I work from home. Writing alone.
I have issues with me, but that I can deal with.
I do hate internet issues.
But that is warranted.
Redditor PM_ME_URFOOD wanted to talk about the jobs where a ridiculous amount of vitriol is all part of a days work. They asked:
"What profession gets an unjustified amount of hate?"
Waiting tables was always the bane of my existence. Customers are rude. Staff is rude. It never ends.
Filthy HoursFail Just For Laughs GIFGiphy
"Trash men. They’re looked down on as dirty and uneducated, but they do a hard job that is absolutely critical to our public health."
"Youth sports officials. I umpire baseball as a hobby and the way parents act is deplorable."
"The parents on the other hand deserve loads of hate sometimes. I was a coach for soccer and volleyball while I was in the Air Force. You would have loved to be a sports official for our leagues at our base. If a parent got sh**ty they are immediately ejected, no questions, and reported to whoever is their higher authority. It almost never happened."
Behind the Counter
"Any customer (client/patient) facing job. They get the abuse that stems from managements decisions, mistakes and incompetence."
"I did customer service for automotive companies at a call center for years. People get so unhinged, between dealerships, management, people calling into the wrong department, angry customers who were itching for a fight over a rental car. The job paid for five free therapy sessions a year, but honestly, it would take every ounce of restraint not to break some days."
"You aren't allowed to defend yourself or hang up, you can't transfer them to supervisors for a call, you technically work for a third party company that exists to keep the customer from ever actually speaking to the corporation. It was the worst job I've ever had, and that's coming from someone who used to work at a seafood processing plant."
"Food service. The workers have to eat too, you know."
"Working fast food sucked. Not because the job was hard. But because people were *icks. For like, no reason. Working in an actual kitchen also sucked. Not because the work was hard, but because you never did it quick enough and your boss was a *ick for like no reason. But at least you didn't deal with customers."
Too much stress...Jim Carrey Omg GIFGiphy
"Defense attorneys. People hate them because they defend violent criminals. However, as one lawyer put it, their job is not just to defend these people; their job is also to make sure that the cops did their job correctly."
I've always wondered about defense attorneys. How do they reconcile their morals?
They're Smart Toowill birth control GIFGiphy
"I live in Germany and currently in my (hopefully) last semester of university to become a pharmacist (4 years of university, one practical year and three exams of state required). A lot of people here think pharmacists are only cashiers and don’t know we get a scientific education. And God help me if I question a doctor's decision."
"I usually just lurk as a guest, but I made a Reddit account just for this. Cooks for public schools. They are constantly overworked, underpaid, and disrespected. Most schools have only a few ovens and microwaves, so school chefs have to either jam unsafe amounts of frozen food into ovens and microwaves, which is a giant fire hazard, or work non-stop from early morning."
"Plant breeders and plant geneticists. Imagine you're a plant nerd and you spend your life studying genetics so you can figure out how to improve food crops. Like, to make them yield more, taste better, be healthier, survive drought, etc. But on the internet, you're apparently trying to poison the world and control the food supply."
"Veterinarians. My doctors CONSTANTLY get yelled at or called heartless when, for instance, we refer them to a hospital more suited to care for the animal than us. Like bro we didn't just tell you know we are giving you options and trying to ensure you seek the proper care. Don't call me a heartless b**tard for that crap."
No Fun InvolvedAngry Neil Flynn GIFGiphy
"Janitors. Trash-related work. Sewage workers. Plumbing."'
I feel for everyone in these jobs. They deserve better.
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Short of having a shopping addiction, no one actually likes spending money on stuff.
Why would you ever willingly give it away? It's your money!
Which might be why it feels so bad when you have to spend money of something that should be free from the beginning. People/ corporations are going to chase that cheddar, though, so there's little you can do besides complain, which frankly might be the best thing the internet is for.
"What should be free?"
Let's get these out of the way first...No, let's get this first one out of the way first.
Hidden fees are the worst.
Hidden. F***ing. Fees.
"Transaction/processing fees when you order a digital product online. Such as a concert ticket, where you pay 6 euro extra while you pay online, and have to print the ticket yourself."
"Or processing fees to pay bills that you need. Duke energy charges a $7 processing fee for you to pay your energy bill. Like wtf."
Pay To Pee
"Public bathrooms! The amount of human piles of poop around because the homeless have no where to relieve themselves!"
"Live in a very tourist-y part of the U.K., all public toilets charge and most cafes/pubs/libraries won’t let people use their toilets. As someone who lives here year round it’s really frustrating and doesn’t seem to make sense."
Want A Better Society? Educate Them.
"College. Or at the very least, college APPLICATIONS. If you're gonna require it for most careers, atleast make it accessible for people. And I just think it's stupid that people have to pay to get rejected."
"Oh god I hate that so much. Same with applying to apartments it’s such a waste of money if you don’t get approved. It racks up quickly too."
It does feel grimy when "official documentation" that is "mandatory" has to be bought and paid for not by the people requiring it, but by the people needing it.
Forcing Us To Pay For Something We're Forced To Have
"ID cards issued by the government. Especially since you need them for almost every aspect of daily living."
"I'm not the biggest fan of free stuf but having to pay for a piece of paper that says "I exist" is ridiculous."
It'll never not feel bad having to pay for something we expect to be free, but it feels ten times worse when it's something you need to get by in life. As in, need to live.
Let's All Agree To Take Care Of Each Other
"All base needs up to a level. I mean stuff we need to survive, eg. power, water,... and things we are required to use to be relevant in daily life internet,..."
"Seeing how now power companies are fuel companies are having THE biggest profit in years while more and more families are pushed into bigger and bigger deths just to get by."
"Same goes for internet tbh, poor kids are just not getting by in school becasue they lack the basic stuff every other kid has to get further in life. I am not saying they need the fastest possible internet with unlimited dl, but give them so they can work for school so the vicious cycle can be broken."
We Need It More Than Anyone
"All mental health services. If you don’t have benefits or a VERY good paying job, they are unaffordable for how often most people really need them. At $120-160/ session even once a week is not affordable for most people these days"
A Fine Line Between Need And Want
"Drinking water, sure. But water is an expendable resource and it should honestly be more restricted when we think about cases like people watering their lawns."
Paying To Live
"Insulin. People are dying because of greedy pharmaceutical companies."
"But We're 'Pro-Life'" - Jerks
"Birth control of all kinds."
"For anyone who b*tches about spending taxpayer money, I'd ask whether it costs more to provide condoms or to house prisoners."
"Giving birth (In the us)"
"As a female US citizen the more I learn about the whole giving birth sh*t the less I want kids. My friend just had a baby, there were some complications. She is now paying off a 14k hospital bill! The lowest I have hears is 8k. 8k just to have a f-cking kid! For a country that is gung-ho about forcing women to have kids they have missed the mark completely."
Everyone is looking for their payout, and unfortunately sometimes we're the ones who have to give it to them, whether it makes sense or not.
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The worst part of having breasts is Florida.
I didn't even say large breasts. Just breasts, any breasts. Florida and breasts are mortal enemies sworn to battle one another into oblivion until the end of days.
In other states, you and your ladies can live a more peaceful life. Here in Florida, it's A Song of Sweat And Fire Ants.
Ever get tiny little jellyfish stuck under your side-boob? Happens here all the time.
Bikinis should come with a "Sand Lice, Your Titty Crease, And You" informational pamphlet.
Wanna jog? Hope you accounted for the fact that the air is soup and will chafe and cauterize your nipples.
Know what limits your field of vision, making you more likely to accidentally step on a snake and/or gator? Boobs.
Know what slows you down as you try to escape the angry reptile from the above paragraph? Also boobs.
Reddit user Saibotnl1 asked:
"What's the most negative thing about having boobs?"
Now take all this stuff they said sucked, and then put it inside of a steam oven filled with mosquitos. That's Florida.
And Florida is incompatibile with breasts.
Cardio Is HardioGIF by VIASWEATGiphy
"I love them but running can be a nuisance even in a good sports bra."
"When I go to work, there is a woman that usually runs on the shoulder of the road. I gasp at how much her boobs bounce. Isn't that doing damage to tissue? Painful?"
"Yes! I literally always hold mine when going up/down stairs so they dont bounce. Running is uncomfortable even with a good bra :/ "
"If it's a sports bra that holds you, it's so tight that it's impossible to get into or out of without a whole team of people like a pit crew."
"If you can comfortably get into it, it won't hold the girls for long."
"Cardio is just not worth all this."
"As a kid I wasn't fit enough for jump rope, but now that I'm older and have the big boobies it feels even more impossible to ever indulge in."
Literally In The Way
"They get in the way!!"
"Lately I've been getting frustrated with exercise. My personal trainer will say to hold something a certain way and I'll try but it's so uncomfortable because my boobs are completely in the way."
"She has small boobs so she doesn't account for them being in that space right in front of your chest."
"My English teacher in 10th grade was drinking water one day when a few drops landed on his shirt. He then complained about getting older and how he never stuck out far enough to get his shirt wet."
"I just sighed."
"4th grade. 4th grade is when I stuck out too much to avoid drips."
"So very much this."
"I refuse to do mountain climbers when my trainer suggests it, she started to get mad saying it's a great exercise. My retort was that I'd really rather not knee myself in the breasts as part of my workout."
"The lady has small boobs and replied that she had never thought of that!"
"Probably growing them."
"It hurts, and if you get big boobs young and quickly, it’s both physical and social agony."
"It hurts to grow them, first of all, your chest aches and bumping them against anything really hurts - and since they’re a sudden, large addition to your body, you’re ALWAYS bumping them on stuff."
"But the social aspect is worse."
"Your female family members comment on them slyly and smirk at your response."
"Your male friends look at you weird and you have to realize they see you as more sexual than girls with smaller chests, even though you literally cannot control this."
"Other girls can be nasty and jealous."
"Eventually I learned to manage all this and I like having breasts now; but from like 11-16 I was so frustrated and upset that I had developed them at all."
Two Volcanosrachael ray boob sweat GIF by First We Feast: Hot OnesGiphy
"The sweat and itch!"
"Also that they're like two volcanos, which isn't especially practical during summers or when you're a constantly hot temperatured person anyway."
"No matter what I try, the skin under my boobs never cools down!"
"Boob sweat is the bane of my existence when it's even a little bit hot outside - and sometimes even when it's not lol..."
"I hate the feeling of sweat on my boobs. I just put tissue between and underneath my boobs to hopefully absorb the sweat so it won’t start to itch and drip."
"I STILL am not able to remove them after a long day. Why?!"
"Why can't I just set em aside for the night, all done. Why hasn't technology advanced to this possibility yet??"
"Absolutely they would. The relief we would get ... oh my god it sounds divine."
"Maybe I wouldn’t be so b*tchy."
"I’d honestly probably only wear them for ren faire, and leave them at home the rest of the year."
"The double standard of girls with small chests and big chests."
"If you have a big chest no matter what you wear or do it's sexual. But for girls with smaller chests they can get away with crop tops or v necks or even swim suits."
"Lol the bigger girls who spent their entire grade school years getting sent to the principal's office for breaking dress code will agree with you."
"Loose shirts will tent and billow up in the wind as you walk-- dress coded."
"Tight shirts that don't tent but cling to your chest-- dress coded."
"And don't even think about anything but a crew neckline, or you'll be dress coded again."
"I always got in trouble for wearing dresses in school, but skinny Minnie wearing something even worse gets by no problem just because she doesn't fill it out the way I do."
ExpensiveHappy Music Video GIF by DJ MustardGiphy
"Bras are expensive and you need regular bras, sports bras, probably something special like a strapless or low back if you have a special occasion or something."
"And don't even get me started on women's healthcare ..."
"Stage 4 breast cancer patient here, and it costs me about an extra $5000/yr to stay alive if everything goes well."
"I just stopped breastfeeding and none of my bras fit anymore."
"I’ve just been wearing sports bras every day because I don’t even know what cup size I am anymore and I don’t want to spend a fortune replacing all of my bras."
"Plus if you choose not to wear bras for any number of reasons, you’re treated as deviant or an acceptable target of inappropriate attentions."
"Laying on your stomach can be tricky."
"Laying on your back can be tricky as well."
"And on your side."
"Just laying in general with big boobs is a hassle."
"However women in my life have found it difficult to get a decent back massage because of this. I've seen plenty of massage tables with head holes, but none with boob support..."
"Semi-suffocating yourself on the beach while trying to get some sun on your back is fun."
"The fact that I look like a walking refrigerator if I wear a loose fitting top, as it billows shapelessly around my body in an odd fabric rectangle."
"But if I wear something form fitting, I look like a lady of the night and am treated as such."
"OMG this !!"
"I feel like all my girlfriends around me have such a fashion sense and can wear things with such grace but I always look as you’ve described. Like either I look like a couch pillow or Jessica Rabbit."
"Sometimes I just want to cut them off honestly."
"Yeah I’ve been wanting a reduction since a was a teen because of the back pain and catcalling, and many people I know with a bigger chest feel the same way."
"I had no idea women hated their boobs so much! It honestly is shining a light on an idea I have never thought of."
Attempted MurderBlack Woman Breast Cancer Awareness GIF by Know Your GirlsGiphy
"They might try to kill me."
"Breast cancer runs in my family and I have to have my first mammogram this year at 36."
"My mom was negative for both BRCA genes but there are 6 others they’ve discovered since she had cancer that we haven’t been tested for."
"Insurance won’t cover me to test unless she tests positive for one."
"Fun fun fun."
"My mom died from breast cancer at 46. I started getting mammograms at 34."
"Luckily, I took the BRCA test and was negative."
"Constantly being sexualized."
"I’m the least sexual person but people assume I’m super sexual because of my body. And I hate it"
"Yup, I'm ace and I honestly just want them chopped off to be rid of the constant sexualization of my body."
"It makes me really uncomfortable."
"My friend in elementary school had a condition where she went into puberty super early and had large breasts by 3rd grade."
"We would walk together to elementary school every morning and get cat called a lot, but we were too afraid to tell our parents because we thought they wouldn't let us walk together anymore."
"She would have teachers make comments about them."
"When we were older she talked about how insanely awful and alienating it made her feel growing up. Her younger sister had the same condition, but went on puberty blockers for it."
"These pendulous bags of hell have destroyed my back."
"Even a decade after a reduction surgery, I remain in daily pain. And now as an added bonus they get to be misshapen, scarred horribly, and completely useless for raising a baby."
"I didn’t realize how heavy they are until I got together with girl with big boobs and woooooow they are heavy!"
"I got C cups in fifth grade and those f*ckers went all the way to G by senior year."
"My posture was/is awful and I've felt like an old woman since I was a teenager. I don't even want babies, so they're never actually gonna be useful either."
See what I mean?
They're kind of awful once they hit a certain size, and that size is pretty much ANY size if you're in Florida.
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