We spend each day walking blissfully passed complete strangers knowing nothing about their lives. Who are they? Where did they come from? Do they have children? Where did they hide the bodies? Studies have shown that the average person walks past 16 serial killers in their lifetime. That's 16 brushes with death and surviving, congratulations! Ignorance really is bliss sometimes.
Reddit user, u/Surfincloud9, asks:
People who have came into contact with serial killers or were extremely close to being kidnapped, what happened and when did you come to that realization?
The Doll Murderer
A man came to my grandma's house and said he was having car trouble, asked to borrow a wrench. He followed my grandma into her garage and picked up a hammer and whacked her in the back of the head with it. He thought she had died, her skull cracked open. He just left her there, she lived in the middle of the woods. But she didn't die.
He was caught before he murdered anyone else, and investigators found all kinds of evidence of him stalking her before coming to kill her. In the months before this she noticed strange things out of place, the sink left dripping, doors open, unfamiliar smells, ect. But then- when she washed the outfits that were on her doll collection, she noticed tears and holes in them- and slits ripped into the doll bodies. She immediately changed the locks. He stabbed her dolls.
Then she came home to a break a while later. They only stole only one thing, an old boy scout pin that her father frequently wore. She looked at it from time to time, it had huge sentimental- (but no monetary) value. Turns out it was him the whole time. No one knows exactly how long he had stalked her. He had stalked and killed 2 others in the next town over before coming to my grandma.
It's terrifying to think that it could be happening to anyone at anytime.
A Killer Relationship
Dated one and didn't know it. Didn't actually realize it until he and his buddy kidnapped me and held me prisoner for a week and a half. Turned out they were pretty big-time drug dealers who were also human traffickers who liked torture women to death just for kicks.
Holy sh*t... And may I ask how did you manage to get out off all that mess?
They decided that instead of just burying me in a shallow grave it would be much more satisfying for them to take me to a hospital so I could live a little bit longer before dying. That way I could experience a little more agony than I already had, which was a thought that pleased them immensely. So they just unceremoniously dumped me at an ER and took off. Managed to live though, they sure as shit weren't expecting that. Cocky aholes. Guess I was tougher than they thought.
TEdit: all the credit to the doctors and nurses, I literally didn't do a thing to help myself survive in the hospital. Really I just laid there in the ICU and they did all the hard work. Forever grateful.
That Windowless Van Is A Huge Clue
I was the first to notice the big white carpet company van that parked behind our house every day around dinner. I must have been 7, and my younger sister was 4. We would play in our fenced-in yard that shared one side with the alleyway, giving anyone walking by a full view of our lawn and the back of our house as well as the backyard of the house next door.
Looking back, I was a total goody-goody and deliberately found any way to suck up to my parents. Our school had just given the typical 90's "stranger danger" presentation, and had specifically described scenarios where men in big white vans with no windows offered you candy to get in, then drove away with you. I was more proud than scared when I dragged them both outside to show that van out to my parents - like it had been some real-world test. Clearly, I had aced it!
I can't really recall their response, but I know they didn't feel the need to escalate it. Maybe they hadn't noticed the van until the day I pointed it out, but they weren't bothered enough by it to investigate further.
After we went outside to look at the van, it never appeared in our alley again. A few days passed, however, and by eaves-dropping in adult conversations as goody-goody suck ups do, I caught on that something terrible had happened next door. The boy that lived there was 11-ish (and wanted nothing to do with me or my sister, so obviously we weren't close) had been taken from their front yard, and neighbors reported seeing a large, white, windowless van drive away. My parents were able to give a great description of the van they had seen in the alley previously, including the carpet store logo - in case that happened to be the vehicle the other neighbors saw.
The police must have easily spotted the van, as I remember the older boy returning home within the next day or so. Being so young and sheltered at the time, I can't speak to any grizzly details as to how the boy was treated or what happened while was gone. All I can say is that the whole family packed up and moved out shortly thereafter.
A Professor With Pension For Murder
Got beat up when I was 10 by a man who was a law professor at a fairly prestigious University. He kicked the living s*** out of me pretty hard. Threatened to kill me if i said anything. I didn't. I lied to my parents about what happened.
A little while later he shot his family with a 12 gauge.
She Did Nazi That One Coming
Not a serial killer but a mass murderer.
His mom was my mom's best friend. After the murders happened, his mom kind of fell off the face of the planet. She was already raising her other son's kids because he was in prison for drug related things, and then him not only going to prison but for murdering 4 small kids and his girlfriend, just completely broke her. I think it would any mother.
He sat in my house and gave me 2 tattoos when I was 19 and gave my mom 2 at that time as well.
His mom kept saying he should ask me out and he agreed and was acting flirty. But not only did I find him wildly unattractive, he was covered in swastikas. He had been to prison, also for drugs, and said he didn't agree with the ideology but got them to fit in at prison. I could see one of the swastikas was actually in the process of being covered with something else and his mom was basically an aunt to me and me and my mom trusted her. She said he had turned his life around since prison and was a really talented tattoo artist and could give us a discount to add to his portfolio.
At the time, nothing really indicated he was capable of murdering children. The swastikas sent a pretty bad message but I didn't think TOO much of it after he said it was just a survival tactic or whatever, I have heard of that. He was just kind of a trashy, talkative guy. But after those details came out.. idk.
The Backpack Killer
My grandparents owned a small cafe in the town of Bowral, NSW Australia. Ivan Milat was a regular customer there, they didn't know him on a personal level, just a causal "G'day, Ivan!". They knew his parents as well. Crazy stuff knowing that my grandparents would always be in 1m contact with one of Australia's most notorious serial killers every couple days.
OMG i did not expect to read this on reddit! I used to work at a Cafe in Bowral.... My mum also worked with his brother or sister in law (I can't recall which one) and they apparently had NO IDEA what he was really like!
My parents also had friends living in the Blangelo State Forest so my sister and I would camp outside their house with their kids when we were younger (10ish) which freaks me out now to think about!
Was that the guy who murdered all those backpackers?
Yes he is believed to have murdered 7 young victims.
Always Ask Specific Questions
I lived in a house and knew all my surrounding neighbors. Landlord next door, his sister on the other side, and the 5 houses across the street belonged to families whos kid(s) went to my school or were acquainted with my parents. I was in 4th or 5th grade at the time.
I was walking home from school one day and it was pretty hot. This lady pulls up in a white car and offers me a ride home. I tell her "no thanks" and continue walking. She follows me for a minute or two before pulling up again and saying that "It's ok, I don't mind." and that she recognized me as her neighbor across the street. I immediately knew it was bullshit, because I know all my neighbors. I ask, "Ok. What street do we live on then?" and she said that she doesn't remember because she just moved in recently. I tell her no again, but this time I start to walk in the opposite direction so she can't follow me. She turns the corner and I immediately run to a friends house that was closer to where I was.
I told my parents of course. A couple days later a friend of mine told me a mexican lady in a white car tried to offer him a ride after school while he was walking home, saying she was his neighbor. He was literally two houses down from where he lived so he told her to f off and ran home. He wasn't making it up because only my mom knew about the incident at that time. My parents and his parents alerted the school.
Please teach your kids not to accept anything from strangers. I was feeling sick that day and if I didn't know exactly who my neighbors were, I don't know how that situation would of played out. My friend was just an a-hole, smart, or a combination of both so we both turned out lucky in the end.
Be Careful Wherever You Might Be-Headed
A serial killer in Florida... our neighbor was found decapitated and after she was found (responsible for 5 murders of women) we we're let known he kept a book, inside was all info on my family, what time we usually got home, what we wore almost everyday, what vehicles we drove, descriptions, approx ages and more.
Fed To The Pigs Who Were Fed To People
Not me but my mother.
My parents were both heroin addicts in Vancouver during the 80's – early 90's. At one point during this time my dad spent about a year in jail, and right after he went away my mother found out she was pregnant. She got clean shortly after finding out she was pregnant and kept off the heroin for the rest of her pregnancy but she was still struggling to get by on her own.
Previously, when my dad wasn't bringing in enough cash dealing drugs or was in jail (frequent flyer) my mom would end up turning tricks in addition to whatever work she could scrounge up while living out of shelters and getting high. As she was pregnant she was reluctant to put herself at risk of being attacked and was picking up cleaning shifts at a couple of shitty local motels. She would make a bit of extra money by letting a few friends bring clients to the rooms before she cleaned them.
Every once in a while, her friends would send a client her way if she was really strapped for cash. Usually these were regulars that my mom was already familiar with and felt safe around and she wouldn't turn down the money. One night when she was around six months pregnant, her friend mentioned that a guy had been asking around for a working girl that sounded an awful lot like her but he didn't know her name. He described the tattoo on her leg, her hair colour, and the mole on her cheek perfectly so it was pretty clear to the friend who he meant. Friend asked if she should tell him where to find her/how to get in touch since it seemed like he might be one of her old clients, but my mom says she got an awful feeling in the pit of her stomach so she made an excuse about not feeling well and told her not to. Before they parted ways that evening they made plans for her friend to accompany her to a prenatal appointment at hospital a couple days later.
On the morning of the appointment, my mom's friend didn't show up. My mom called her apartment and when there was no answer, she went over and let herself in with the spare key. Nobody was home. Assuming her friend had simply forgotten, she went to her appointment alone and went home afterwards slightly annoyed at her for flaking. She tried calling a couple times more that night before asking around about her. No one had seen her for the last two nights, which was rare as they were the busiest nights of the week in the business.
Turns out the last time anyone saw her, she was getting in a car with the same guy that had been asking about my mother. No one ever saw her again. Her body was never found, which makes more sense when you find out that the man who picked her up was later identified by witnesses as Robert Pickton, a local pig farmer and serial killer who would grind up the bodies of his victims and feed them to his pigs (pork from those pigs was distributed across the province for human consumption).
Flirting With The Devil
Not me, but my ninth grade english teacher once told us about the time she was stalked by Ted Bundy. She was in college at the time and worked nights at a bar. He approached her one night flirting, asking her out, etc. but she wasn't interested. He was very persistent, and after a while she got angry and told him to get lost.
Later, walking home that night, she noticed a car following her pretty closely. She didn't look back because she knew that showing any sign of fear gave him control of the situation, so she walked straight into her dorm and warned all her friends. He waited outside for several hours, but eventually gave up.
After telling us the story, she reminded us that if anything like that ever happens to you, don't go home. Either call the police or go straight to the police station. She got lucky that he didn't come back for her, and several months later she read about him on the news and recognized his picture and the description of his car.
Waiting In The Bushes
\Came close to being kidnapped. I know it. The police in my town know it.
I have gone on walks at all times of day and night since I was about 15 or 16. My town is small and safe, but I learned after this particular incident that even the smallest, sleepiest of towns aren't completely safe. It still gives me anxiety thinking about this night, specifically what may have happened, too much.
It was only about 6 o' clock, but since it was December, it was already dark. I had just gotten an MP3 player for Christmas, and I loved listening to music and just walking around near my neighborhood. I was just coming down the road to my house when I noticed a car coming around the curve.
I normally would look back at any car coming, even if I was on the sidewalk. I don't know why I didn't this time. But it was going very slowly, and I've been asked by completely well-meaning people who live around here if I needed a ride, so I was assuming they were gearing up to roll down the window and ask if I needed a ride.
They never asked. I kept walking, got to the spot where the sidewalk ends because my road has a large chunk where there just isn't one, so you're forced to walk at the side of the road or the grass. We're just barely at the edge of town.
The automobile - it was either a dark blue or black jeep - pulled over to the side of the road. Two men got out and began following me down the road.
If you've never experienced anything like this, I have no idea how universal this is, but all I can describe is a surge of adrenaline and some sort of primal instinct. One that just KNOWS things. I knew, somehow, that if I were to take off running, they would chase me. I don't know how or why, but I knew, and I still know that's how it would have went down. I was analyzing so much so quickly - the running and chasing wouldn't work in my favor because the stretch of road back home was probably a good 50-100 feet. I thought about diving into the fenceline/field that is adjacent to my yard, but I realized that would hinder me more than help me. They'd catch me, probably before I made it that far.
I realized my only hope was to keep calm and keep an eye on them. I kept turning back to glance at them, and they just kept maintaining eye contact every time I turned to look. I kept walking. Kept calm. But terrified. My house was right there. I would have been snatched up basically right outside it.
I prayed for a car to come by. It almost felt like fate or divine intervention when, no sooner did I silently have the thought/prayer for a car, one came around the curve at the veeeeeery far end of the road from the direction I was walking.
The guys dove into the bushes at the edge of the neighbor's driveway. They were SO obvious that they were up to no good. I remember having the thought that my situation was super similar to the scene in Twilight where Bella prays for a car to come or whatever and a car does, and she's grateful. I know, weird thing to think when you're in that situation, but that's just how it goes.
So, the car passes, it leaves the area, and I'm wondering how the hell I'm going to manage, because I'm still a ways from my yard.
My uncle was just leaving my house on his bike at that exact moment. He rides up, and I flag him down. He starts to say bye, and I'm just like, "there are two guys in the bushes right now following me!" He looks, and they're poking their heads out. He calmly tells me to hurry up and get home. I don't need to be told, honestly. He sits there and keeps an eye on me until I'm in the yard and safe.
I go in and tell my mom, and she sees right as they pull out and drive through the cemetery nearby (which is closed and off-limts past dusk). They then take off.
My uncle calls as soon as he gets home and asks me if I noticed that there was a third guy coming up from behind on the sidewalk. I said no, I'd only seen the two guys. There had apparently been a third coming up, but I couldn't see him because it was so dark, since there used to be a large gap between street lights right in that stretch of road.
My mom called the cops, and they came out. They told me I did an excellent job getting descriptions of the automobile and the people I did see, since normally people panic and can't recall details. I was just frustrated I never saw a license plate, but the jeep was behind me and I didn't get a chance to look long enough for that.
They agreed that the guys were definitely after me, but nothing ever came of it. They kept an eye out in the area and kept an eye out for a dark colored jeep, but I never saw it again.
I'm sitting here trembling now, haha. Can't tell if it's because the AC is on and I'm cold, or because recalling this story is always kind of nerve-wracking, because my mind wanders to a lot of what-ifs, but uh... it definitely felt like I had some guardian angel or some shit that kept throwing obstacles in the way for these creepy men. I was actually so afraid to walk down that stretch of road at night for a LONG time afterward, and sometimes I still can't do it.
EDIT: To answer the question properly, I knew something was wrong as soon as they pulled over and got out of their automobile.
Holy Smokes, That Was Close
Raoul Moat gave me a cigarette aged 10, the winter before he killed.
I was 10 years old (duh) and walking past a pub with a few older mates. he approached us and asked if we wanted a cigarette. we said sure and he gave us one each. he said he could get us beer if we came with him but we said no partly bc have you seen the him? Hes a beefy guy and we knew better and secondly my mum does the best cottage pie and it was cottage pie night so i wasnt about to be kidnapped on the best night of the week.
Lol for some reason the cottage pie is hilarious
Honestly the one thing I miss about living at home. That cottage pie. I still go back once a month to get some haha
Who Cadaver Thought?
Got a ride in a semi truck from a serial killer.. The smell was horrible. Like something I never smelled before.. Jumped out when I got close to where I lived. The guys face was crooked, and that smell. Come to find out Henry Lee Lucas enjoyed cadavers.. Saw the guy on Tv about a month later, then it all made sense...
Dylan Roof kid that shot up the Black church.
My family is Black. My mom grew up as his mom's best friend and my mom was one of the only Black kids at her school (I think the first.) Fast forward and he becomes my cousin's (mixed) friend growing up and they're cool and all. Eventually, he moves away after his mom marries some weirdo racist guy. 2 years later, he becomes a super racist and shoots up a church.
I've briefly rubbed shoulders with him when I was younger and visiting my cousin and my little brother has hung out with him before. Pretty weird.
Christmas is upon us. It's time to get those Christmas present lists together.
So... who has been naughty and who has been nice?
Who is getting diamonds and who is getting coal? Yuck, coal. Is that even a thing anymore? Who even started that idea?
There has to be some funnier or more "for the times" type of "you've been naughty" stocking stuffer.
I feel like the statement coal used to make is kind of last century at this point.
Apparently I'm not alone in this thinking.
Case in point...
Redditor rallfreedom wanted us to update Santa's deliveries for the children on the naughty list, they asked:
"Since Santa is old, and coal was considered worthless back in the day, what new worthless item could Santa give to naughty children in 2021?"
If you really wanted to set me off on Christmas morning, then you should leave me something personalized. Something you how I'd hate. Like a cassette tape of 80's Christian soft rock. That would make a statement of just how naughty I've been.
What a DifferenceBlockbuster GIF by Big Potato GamesGiphy
"Blockbuster gift cards." ~ GamerOfGods33
"And still no one will shop at the one franchise location still open." ~ pesto_trap_god
"AOL Internet discs... (actually getting rare these days)." ~ whorton59
"After collecting enough of those AOL discs, I just open a bottle of Tennessee whiskey and make AOL disc fish wall art." ~ ExRockstar
"I wish I still had the picture, but my friend passed onto me a photo of a chair (more like a throne, if I recall) made entirely of AOL discs." ~ PM_MeYourSmilingFace
"Outdated phone chargers." ~ TheBrotherhoods
"A correct phone charger for the device, but it only works in one very specific angle and charges the phone super slow." ~ Karl_the_stingray
"People rave about how good old Nokias were but they forget that if you went up a version like you got upgraded to a 3310 from a 3210 then all your chargers were now something like 0.25mm too small and you had to buy all new ones." ~ erroneousbosh
"We currently misinterpreted what 'naughty kids get coal' originally meant. For a poor family in December, coal was the difference between warmth and freezing, hot food and not. 'Coal' was not something mean. It was like socks, now." ~ adaza
"Exactly. If the child was selfless, they would get a personal gift as a reward. If the child was selfish, they instead would get a gift to be shared with the family, forcing them to be more altruistic." ~ MoobyTheGoldenSock
Necessities...toilet paper help GIFGiphy
"Toilet paper. Just like coal, it's something the whole house needs and will use but is going to be bought anyway. It's also consumable and practical just like coal." ~ NeverGetaSpaceship
I could still use toilet paper. You never know when society is gonna go off into the deep end again and buy it all up. Remember the beginning of Covid?
Spinfidget GIF by Future GenerationsGiphy
"Idk why but I feel like fidget spinners would be pretty infuriating to the masses of children as something that still counts as a gift but is for sure a let down & past trend." ~ mmaster42
Way back when...
"An "Introduction to Windows 95" book." ~ Actual_grass
"There's one of those package shipping stores near me that sells all kinds of miscellaneous stuff. Anything to make a buck. They have a carousel stand with laminated sheets containing tips on how to use various computer programs. Still for sale as of last week: 'Shortcut keys for Windows XP' and 'Tips for using Microsoft Word 2010.'" ~ dartdoug
"He could give kids one of the old cables that was collected over the years but wasn't thrown away because it could need it at some point." ~ CaptWeirdBeard
"I have a tupperware tote full of those things. I'll sell it to Santa for scap value of the copper. You hear that Santa? $5 and it's all yours." ~ GreatJanitor
"A rotary phone." ~ cannotbefaded
"My Grandma had a rotary phone she kept(still worked so why not) as well as having a cordless phone. Had a relative that wanted to use the rotary phone the one time just to use it instead, decided they didn't want to do that again." ~ golden_fli
"Okay, I actually like rotary phones. I was young enough to remember using rotary phones and preferred using them to touch tone phones. Only because it was fun to spin the dial and watch it spin back into place." ~ GreatJanitor
So close...ronald mcdonald mcdonalds GIFGiphy
"McDonald's toys from 2 years ago. Old enough to not be popular trends, but new enough to not be collector's items." ~ GavinSnowe
McDonald's still has toys? Who knew? And those fidget spinners, how did anyone ever enjoy those? That would set me off as well.
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I admit, I love my stuffed animals. They're the best.
Some of them have been with me for years and I have them proudly displayed in different spots around my apartment. And when I've packed them for a move, I've done so with all the tender loving care I can muster.
What is it about them that stirs up these feelings?
Believe it or not, it's quite possible to form emotional attachments to inanimate objects!
People told us all about their own feelings after Redditor MoneySquare5734 asked the online community:
"People of Reddit, what weird sympathies do you have towards inanimate objects?"
"Computers when someone's throwing a fit or tantrum over something like a game lag, buffering or general software issues. Like dude, get angry at the real cause not the hardware thats essentially just the messenger."
We really mistreat our hardware sometimes, don't we? Going to apologize to my computer now.
"I think we're okay now..."
"I once slapped my iPad when it was being slow, then instinctively hugged it and apologised afterwards. I think we’re okay now but the level of trust definitely isn’t what it used to be."
Serves you right! You have a lot to make up for!
"I have way too much emotion..."
"I have way too much emotion invested in my Roomba. Especially as I only have one charging station, so when it's running in my living room/hallway, it can never get back to base as there's a step in the way."
"Usually feel guilty when I come home and find it stuck in some corner, knowing that it literally ran until exhaustion trying to find its home."
I do not have a Roomba but my friend has one and I think he has the opposite reaction. I think he mistreats his!
"All my dollar bills..."
"All my dollar bills need to face up in my wallet, otherwise I get the feeling those Georges and Lincolns are uncomfortable."
I think I do this too. I did not ask to be attacked like this.
"If I see..."
"If I see a really ugly plush toy at a thrift store, I feel compelled to buy it because I feel like it will just get thrown away. So now I have quite a few ugly plushies. I love them."
Aww, they now have a home with you and they must be so happy!
"I guess in general..."
"Abandoned toys. I guess in general I just feel so bad for any inanimate object that is no longer serving its purpose."
How many toys end up in the dump each year, I wonder? And how many of them are plotting their revenge as we speak?
"So I transferred everything..."
"I got a new cellphone not too long ago. So I transfered everything to my new phone but I didn't turn off the old phone afterward."
"This happened late on a Sunday and the next morning my old phone still rang to wake me up and I was somewhat sad that it still thought it was my current phone and that it still had the duty to wake me in the morning."
The feelings this stirred up... I did not know it was possible to feel this way!
"I am very appreciative..."
"Sometimes I give my car a pat on the dashboard and say thank you. It has carried me so many thousands of miles and i am safe. I am very appreciative of its hard work."
Aww. I don't have a car, but I get this! And your car appreciates YOU!
"When I was a kid..."
"When I was a kid I spent a whole afternoon feeding pebbles to a small drain outside my house because I thought it was hungry."
Okay, this is cute – and totally something a little kid would do!
"There's a thing I call..."
"There’s a thing I call 'mechanical empathy.' If you emotionally attach to your bike or car you’ll be kinder and more gentle to it."
"Some people are really rough on cars and other machinery, it’s painful to drive with them."
I was in a car recently with a driver who got a bad case of road rage and just slammed her hands on the dashboard whenever she was upset. That poor car!
Who knew we could feel so attached to the inanimate objects around us? Humans are fascinating creatures. We're capable of a lot of love and empathy, even for the smallest things.
Have some opinions of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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They say your 30's hits different, like one day you're young a hopeful and the next day you're just WAY too old for this.
What is the "this" you're suddenly too old for?
No idea. It's different for everyone, but make no mistake, it'll happen to you too.
Maybe it already has?
Reddit user BMA1500 asked:
"What sh*t are you too old for?"
Let's take a look at how "too old" hit these Reddit users.
"Arguing with ignorant people on the internet."
"I have no patience or bandwidth to argue with random a-holes on social. Learned that lesson a long time ago."
"Too many fakes and bots now anyway. I am pretty much a 'read only' user of other platforms and only share opinions in person on polarizing issues."
"Petty games while talking to a potential partner."
"Just be straight up and real with me. Tricks are for kids."
"I've always felt this way."
"I remember when one of my girls explained the concept of 'playing hard to get' to me and I was annoyed just hearing it."
"If I have to chase you, that means you’re running away, and I don’t have time for that. If you seem uninterested, I’ll take it on the chin and leave you alone."
"If you like me just say that. If you don’t like me just say that. It’s not hard and moves the process along much faster."
"If you text me and I’m free, I’m going to text back. I’m not going to wait three hours for aesthetic purposes."
"The list goes on."
Cut That Out
"This sounds like some Instagram motivational sh*t, but spending time around people that I genuinely don't like or who make me unhappy and uncomfortable."
"There's so short of a time we have on this Earth and it just hit me right before I turned 30 that I spent a ton of that time with people who I thought sucked."
"I cut that out and I'm much happier."
"I realized this at my cousins wedding. I had a family member walk up to me flat out call me ugly, fat and say that I wasn’t the “good” family guy anymore."
"What!?!? Why would you even say that?? And they said it with a smile on their face the whole time..."
"After that night I haven’t spoken to them in 2 years and I’m super happy! I’m too f*cking old to be dealing with that nonsense for the rest of my life."
"It takes days to recover now, and most bad hangovers come with an existential crisis attached."
"When I was young I remember times I'd have a day off from work and be like 'Hell yeah, I'm gonna get trashed and play video games all night it's gonna be great!' "
"Now it's like "Great, I'm 3 drinks in and I'm just tired & have heart burn.' "
"It's not the same."
"I used to work 12-9pm, party the entire night. And then be back to work like a pro."
"If this was a Friday, partying used to resume Saturday afternoon. That was my early 20s."
"In my 30s now, and I wait for Fridays so that I can be dead on my bed the entire Saturday."
"The existential crisis is the worst. Just lying there wondering what the hell you are doing with your life, what came to this and when you are going to grow out of it."
"Then it passes and life goes on."
"General admission tickets. My old ass requires a reserved seat."
"Hahaha… last gen admission show I went to I had to find a 'comfortable' wall to lean on."
"When it comes to music festivals, the wife and I go for VIP just so we can get fancier washrooms and shorter lines at the food trucks."
"I agree but, man, it makes feel like I’m a spectator at at a concert and not part of the real party down on the floor."
"There comes an age when you have to consider... 'Do I really care what kind of clickbait sh*t my high school friends who I never talk to and never will see, likes?' "
"I only had Facebook because it helped with socializing in college/high school, but afterwards it's really hard to want to add new friends because they can see your history, and you can too."
"Honestly, the only reason why I have a Facebook is because I still have my mom as my friend and she passed 4 years ago."
"Every time I go on there, I'm tired now."
"I deleted Facebook three years ago."
"Found out all my Marine Corps buddies were either total idiots, painfully stereotypical post-9/11 veterans, ill-informed political junkies, and mostly people I haven't had anything to do with in years."
"Moving or helping other people move. Just no."
"I've moved a lot of times and have helped many people move."
"One of the best decisions I've ever made was hiring movers. 300 bucks for the big stuff is money extremely well spent."
"I've broken my body helping people move because I'm the 'young and strong guy' in the friend group. Way too many times now. F*ck that sh*t, hire movers."
"I can agree with this."
"I used to work as a mover for a couple summers and I don't even want to move myself lmao."
Not The Cool Old Guy
"I told myself when I get older I need to be open minded and not the close minded grumpy old man..."
"Then I see all these obviously staged videos and corny dancing/lip syncing stuff and realize it’s inevitable I am not gonna be the cool old guy."
"I have this exact same process with TikTok."
"I think to myself, 'I’m really the bitter old woman I said I would never be, aren’t I?' Lol"
"I’ve downloaded TikTok at least 3 times and deleted it almost immediately."
"I am drawing a line at TikTok. I’m old."
Since We're Talking About TikTok...
"When Macy's Thanksgiving Parade performers are introduced as "TikTok sensation" without any other credentials worth mentioning."
"I think the only performer I knew yesterday was Kelly Rowland because of Destiny’s Child."
"My google search history is full of my confusion."
"Oh man I’m so glad we missed the parade then. Maybe I’m just too old but that would’ve been cringe."
Why Are We Screaming?
"People (mainly young girls) who scream for no reason."
"I understand if you're terrified of something, but screaming when you meet up with your friends or just when the situation does not call for it makes me SO mad. I find it so infuriating."
"Just shut up. Lol."
"My kids learned a very long time ago not to scream like that. I hate excessive loud noise in any environment, but it’s especially nerve wracking in close quarters."
"My Mother-in-Law will have a dinner every so often for the family to get together. My husbands brother’s kids are so freaking annoying like this."
"We’re having pizza? Scream."
"We’re baking cookies? Scream."
"Someone found you in hide and seek? Scream."
"I’ve been too old for that since I was 6. Shit was ALWAYS annoying."
Real talk, apparently I'm *very* old going by the stuff on this list.
I'm gonna need to go sit with that for a bit... let me go turn on the seat warmer so my bones aren't stiff when I stand up later.
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Do all mothers go to the say mom school or something? Because they seem to share the same advice or go on the same platitudes, don't they?
Here's an idea.
Maybe they're just older, have more experience, and are trying to keep us from being dumbasses in public. At least, that's what I think.
I'm definitely grateful for my mother's advice—it's saved me more than once—and it seems many out there are too. And they all seem to have heard the same things from their mothers, too.
Any of these sound familiar? They probably do, and we heard all about them after Redditor lame_excuses asked the online community,
"What are some things all moms say?"
"I'll go first..."
"I'll go first: 'So if your friend jumped off a cliff would you jump off too?"
Okay, my mother did not say this, but all my friends' mothers did.
"We have fun."
"My mom always made me put on a coat when we went outside, even if I wasn't cold, simply because she was cold."
"Now that I'm an adult, she no longer tells me this but instead I complain about being cold and ask, indignantly, why no one told me to put in a coat."
"We have fun."
I want a documentary crew to follow you both around. It'd be hilarious.
"I credit George Carlin for all of these."
"When you lose something."
- Have you tried looking for it?
- Have you looked everywhere?
- Well, it didn't just get up and walk away.
"I credit George Carlin for all of these."
George Carlin knew what he was talking about. RIP.
"You know Glynis? She's your aunt's mother-in-law's close friend. Anyway, she died last week."
"I have eyes..."
"I have eyes in the back of my head."
"My mom used to say that to my sister and I so we wouldn't be sneaky behind her back. One day she was washing the dishes and I came up behind her with my two fingers and poked her right where I assumed her back eyes would be. She shouted, 'Ouch!' I believed her for years!!"
I was convinced of this too! Damn, my mother was good.
"I had some friends over..."
"I had some friends over when I was a teenager, and I bet them I could get my mom to say the word 'food.'"
"Hey, mom, what's for dinner?"
"Worked every time."
You both clearly planned this!
"When at the billing counter..."
"When at the billing counter every mom has the maternal instinct to say - 'Just stay in the line, I need to go grab a few more things.'"
This is my mother.
How many times have I dealt with this?!
“It’s because you didn’t drink enough water."
BUT I DO!!
"If you have siblings..."
"If you have other siblings and they’re trying to yell at you they will call you by all your other siblings' names before they get to yours. Usually starting with the oldest and working their way backwards."
Good thing my family was small!
"My Mum used to use it all the time..."
"'Soon.'" An indeterminate time frame from 5 minutes to several hours. My Mum used to use it all the time to deflect stupid questions like 'When is dinner?'"
"Answer: she always, always served it around 6 pm."
It's true! My mother would do this – and still does this. And we definitely don't eat as early as that!
Confirmed: All mothers meet for the annual mother convention to say all–and I do mean ALL–of these things to their kids.
Anything missing, though? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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