Admit it: You've had an argument in your head with someone in the last week or so.
It's okay. We're living in chaotic times, and while it would be nice if everyone could use those fancy, high-tech computers in their pockets for more than just looking at pretty, filtered pictures to do some actual research on a topic, we know that's never going to happen. So, how do you compose yourself when a hot-button issue arises and you know, deep down, the person you're going to argue with is...an idiot?
Reddit user, u/incognitospy3, wanted to know:
What are some tips and tricks for arguing with idiots?
Sources. Sources. SOURCES.
Expect to constantly have to steer them back to the crux of the argument, be prepared to refute any spurious sources and to back up your own facts with genuine sources.
Pick your battles because there will be many occasions where you will be told "we will just have to agree to differ" and "that's just your opinion".
Don't always expect that the idiot will understand your logic.
It's Hard, But Do Your Best
It's kinda unpopular, but be as polite and as calm as you can, intelligent people can sometimes act like idiots when arguing with idiots. This applies to the internet as well
I find a lot of "intelligent" people are only perceived as being intelligent in their own field of expertise; the "smart" ones stick to what they know while the "dumb" ones are arrogant enough to argue outside their field.
"Overall, idiots gonna idiot."
Presumably the only reason you're arguing with an idiot is because you love them. Instead of arguing, try to find common ground on something and agree not to discuss the subject further. No reason to disturb the relationship about something like an argument.
If the person you're arguing with is in a position of power over you and the argument concerns things like punishment, try to carefully lay out why you believe the punishment does not align with the action performed. Tread very lightly here, because a slip up could very well result in more punishment.
Furthermore, ensure that the subject you're discussing is something that is in fact open or logical to discuss. Try to see it from the other person's point of view, because they obviously believe that what they're doing is right for a reason. Complex imagination is a gift. Use it to your advantage in this case.
Overall, idiots gonna idiot. There's nothing you can do to solve that. But make sure that you're not an idiot back. That's something you can control.
Try To Keep Emotions Out Of It
Humor them, know the subject very very very well, and ask genuine questions. Take an interest in them. Let go of your grandiose 'right and wrong' bullsh-t for just a single moment and see the human life in front of you, with all its failings, successes, and potential.
The mind can only be changed one specific point at a time, and that point can only be successfully prevailed upon when the receiver is receiving instead of defending, the giver is giving instead of attacking.
In other words, don't argue with an idiot, because arguing is for f-cking idiots.
Also, you'll change a million more hearts and minds by example than you will by any other tack.
Source: I am an idiot, I get argued with a lot, you smart people really have no idea what you're dealing with. If you get emotionally invested, you're going to look and feel like every bit the idiot that I am.
Listen. Ask Them To Clarify What They Said.
You don't argue with them.
I had a coworker that I liked very much, but he was constantly listening to talk radio and spouting Fox News bullsh-t.
The thing was, he was smart and had a good amount of integrity. He genuinely cared about people.
So, I didn't argue with him, and I didn't contradict him, but the truth is, what he was hearing and repeating didnt bare scrutiny. If you analyze what Limbaugh or Hannity say, it simply doesn't make sense.
So I would listen. Then I I would clarify what he'd said, so he knew I wasn't dismissing him at all. Then I would be quiet and take the time to think through what he said and nail down all the fallacies. I'd find one falacy that I knew he'd probably see, or recognize, and ask him one or two questions about it. Usually, he'd start to answer and just stop as it became clear that it really didn't make sense.
Rough example: illegal immigrants just come here for welfare. They're lazy.
Are they? It seems like an enormously risky thing to undertake. People in the US won't move to a different state because of the risks. This guy had tried to get his wife's family too move to our state where the jobs were more plentiful and support would be closer, but they always balked at moving. Too hard. Too risky. Easier to just stay and complain. So, an hour later or so I'd bring up that subject. He'd finally accuse them of just being lazy for staying put. Then I'd say something like, "but, like, illegal immigrants are moving to America, and that's a lot riskier than your wife's family moving here. Why would they do that if they're lazy?" Not in a challenging way, but just posing the question.
It took a year or more of this sort of stuff, driving the wedge of his own life experience between him and talk radio. Letting him start to see how stupid he was sounding, without pointing it out.
He wasn't stupid. He wasn't an idiot. He just wanted to belong to a team. He wanted to demonstrate loyalty to that team. I just did what I could to help him see what that team was actually all about. At some point, he realized that all his "team" was doing was enslaving him with his own anger. He'd already had a heart attack in his life, why was he letting these people blow up his blood pressure with lies? BTW, the tactic of enslaving people through outrage is not just a right-wing tactic. All sorts of groups use this formula for power.
Sometimes it works, but only if you care about them, and only if you stop seeing them as an idiot.
You can't change idiots. Mainly because you think they're idiots.
Be Prepared To Play A Different Game
Think of it like playing chess with a pigeon.
Chances are, the pigeon will knock over all the pieces, sh-t on the board and then fly back to it's flock to claim victory.
Ask Questions Leading To Answers
I was going to say "Don't", but clearly that's been covered. Then I read the last guy say "Just say ok to everything and watch them self-destruct." You might actually get a little further along with this method if you implement Socratic Method and just ask them questions.
The point is not to get to a "gotcha" moment from you, but come from a place of genuine curiosity otherwise they may get defensive if they feel they're being manipulated.
Either they will wind themselves up until they figure out they really don't know what they're talking about, or you will have a better understanding of where their coming from.
Put In That Extra Work To Double, Triple, And Quadruple Check
Take time to make sure you are not the idiot.
Ahh nothing is worse than the mid argument realization that you're the one that is wrong
Give It Up For The Best...
I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and presume that you genuinely want to engage the other person, rather than just "win" the argument or feel superior.
First, and most important thing: don't call them an idiot. No one has ever changed their mind because someone called them stupid. Quite the opposite, calling someone stupid will make them become defensive, react emotionally rather than intellectually, and reject everything you are saying as a self-defense mechanism. Calling your opponent an idiot is great for making yourself feel better, but it's terrible for getting anyone else to listen to you. No one changes their mind because someone said they were stupid; they just convince themself that that person is an a--hole.
Along those lines: attack the idea, not the person. You disagree; you're aren't enemies. Discuss your problems with their belief, but try to separate it from the person themself as much as possible. This allows the other person to distance themselves from their belief and think about what you are saying without feeling defensive. Anytime you discuss "your belief" or "you think that..." or say anything that links your argument with them personally (or attack the person directly), you're reinforcing the idea that their belief is part of their personal identity, which (for them) means that they need to defend the belief in order to defend themself. Allow your opponent to separate the belief from themself, as this gives them room to consider whether the belief is wrong without feeling like to do so would mean to admit that they are personally flawed.
And third: listen to the other person. Don't just wait to talk; actually listen. Respond to what they are saying to show that you are listening, and ask questions without getting angry or combative. Debates turn into arguments as soon as one person starts to become heated, because that just makes the other person become heated, and it snowballs until you're both yelling at each other. Once that happens, you're both going to react emotionally rather than intellectually, and neither one of you will be receptive to the other.
Overall: stay level-headed, de-escalate emotions, be respectful, and let the ideas do the work.
Do you have something to confess to George? Text "Secrets" or "" to +1 (310) 299-9390 to talk him about it.
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Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.