Hearing someone say something hurtful about you sucks. It doesn't even have to be a purposefully negative thing, or an intentional hurt - sometimes it's just rough to feel like people aren't on your team. Oh, you thought it only happened to you? Psh. Wrong.
It's not just people who hate you that talk trash, either. I remember my mother telling my now-ex-husband to be careful with me because I was manipulative and would try to take him for everything he had. We've had our differences (obviously, or he wouldn't be my ex) but even he will 100% attest to the fact that she couldn't have been further from the mark.
Let's just say my mother has always been one to assume the worst about me in all cases possible.
Reddit user lunardownpour asked:
and yeah ... ouch. The responses were rough.
Should Have Died
In high school I was in a terrible car accident. My first day back at school 3 weeks later, I walked into my AP English class and heard some girl say "She honestly should have just died in that accident. Better for everyone that way."
She was actually just mad that her boyfriend had broken up with her and very publicly asked me out; and that I had beaten her in an important writing contest. The results of the contest had been posted that morning. She seemed angry that I was still doing my work when I was out, but I couldn't leave my bed so why not?
Coincidentally that was also the first time I realized my best friend would always have my back. She hadn't realized I walked in and verbally destroyed that bitch in front of about 12 of her friends.
... Just Not Her
"When I'm ready to settle down It'll be with someone like her... just not her"
By the guy I'd been seeing for a while when someone asked him why we hadn't made it "official" yet.
Right Idea, Wrong Kid
My stepdad insisting I was sleeping with my boyfriend (wasn't) and that I'd wind up just like my mother, pregnant at a young age. My mom got mad because obviously it wasn't easy being a teenage parent but she did well for herself and for me. This eventually turned into a yelling match about why he would date/marry her if he had a problem with her having me at a young age and him trying to backtrack and bring up other issues to deflect.
Turns out he had the right idea, just the wrong kid. My sister, his biological daughter, had my lovely nephew days before she turned 18.
The Birthday PartyGiphy
In 6th grade the "popular kids" went to one kids birthday party. Don't know how but I found out about it existing, and my parents forced me to go. This was back when all the boys were invited to birthday parties.
I overheard the birthday boy telling someone that I wasn't invited. Really sucked.
"He literally has no friends. Our son is weak and can't do anything."
Was dating my ex, and was at her house and we were outside, went in to use the bathroom and left them outside. Little did they know, the ground level window was open, so i could hear them start talking, and it went a little like this.
Friend: "I cant believe you're dating that POS, he's creepy"
Ex: "I know, I told you hes a rebound for jack"
Friend: "As long as you get rid of him, hes so annoying to be around"
Fluent In Greek
I'm fluent in Greek, but I don't look Greek at all. When I was a lot younger I walked into a restaurant with my girlfriend at the time, the couple next to us was constantly talking about us in Greek. Just wrecking me mostly. Such as:
How is this 1/10 with this 10/10?
Muscle head must be on steroids.
His pants and shirt don't even fit.
Probably no money and is abusive.
Finally I had enough and I wrote them a note in Greek that said something like: "You are hurting my feelings. I don't understand why you people are rude and evil, please stop." and passed it on to them.
When we left the bill was covered.
I had my head down in class and overheard two girls talking about how I smelled
That really got to me especially since I'm a borderline germophobe. After that I doubled up on everything like showers, oral hygiene, face washing, etc...
Everyday at school I would always worry about how I smelled and it would make me slightly depressed at times and give me anxiety about going to that class
To this day, I still feel insecure about how I smell to others.
A Little Bit Of Weight
I wouldn't say worst but it's not nice. My mum weighs about 140kgs (just over 300lbs) has had both hips and a knee replaced, went through menopause at 37 and has all these other ailments like osteoarthritis and fatty liver disease. She'd rather pop a pill then do anything else to somehow ease her illnesses and the PRIMARY thing that would contribute to a better life is her losing the weight.
I have had a laparoscopic sleeve gastrectomy 5 years ago, suffered with PCOS since 11, and so still didn't lose weight as much as other women. I have now been keto for three years after finding out I had serious food allergies (wheat/yeast/soy). So I'm very mindful of food, nutrition, exercise etc.
I do Olympic weightlifting 3 times per week, strength training, horse riding and yoga for physical and mental health. I've lost over 45kgs (about 100 lbs) on my journey and improved my life significantly. As a result, I've also had to buy clothing that fits and get used to wearing things more form fitting.
So over Xmas mum bought me all these things from a store that were size xxxl -I think that would be 20-22 AU at the store she purchased from. I could see just looking at the garment it wouldn't fit, but in my mums eyes I'm as fat as her. So I tell her it doesn't fit and she doesn't believe me until I put the pyjama pants on and pulled the waistband over my head. Instead of laughing about it she got pissed off.
We went to that store to change the items but being that I've not purchased from them before I didn't know what size I would fit. So I'm trying two sizes and she purposely wants me to wear the larger size. I do a few swaps and put the smaller size on and she says "oh that's lovely" and when I tell her it's the smaller size she says "it's grabbing at the back". (It wasn't).
So I hear the sales lady come up and she asks my mum if I'm ok and my mum says "She's lost a little bit of weight and wants to wear everything tighter now" with such disgust in her voice.
I couldn't believe it. I took everything off and opened the curtain and threw them back at her and told her she could buy something for herself with the credit from the store.
It's your mum and you don't want to think she's jealous or dislikes you but more and more I think she doesn't like me at all. A person who likes you wouldn't behave like that.
My husband says she's jealous because she can't even bend to tie her shoes let alone walk even 100 metres without panting like she ran a marathon.
My step-dad reading my diary of love poems to his friends at the dinner table and laughing about "how stupid" it was. I was like 8, for hell's sake. And that diary was stored in my desk drawer in my room. I was absolutely livid.
Just Like Her Father
"She looks just like her father when she's angry" My father regularly beat the everloving snot out of my mother. It got worse after I was born. FACS removed me at 6 months old, for 6 months, because my father was holding me when he swung at my mother and he dropped me. She left when I was 2. I overheard her telling a social worker this quote when I was 16.
It hurt like hell because I apparently reminded her of the man who scarred her for life in many ways whenever I was grumpy.
The Sentimental Jacket
I overheard my friends say:
"She always wears that jacket, Probably cuts herself that ugly [deleted]."
It killed me on the inside. The jacket was from my aunt who moved far away. It reminded me of her. I stopped wearing that jacket and felt ashamed.
Proud To Be An American
I have family who are very proud of their Mexican heritage. I'm very proud to be an American and I've served in the US Marine Corps.
I've over heard them talking in Spanish (since they forget I can still speak it), and they joke about how stupid they think I am for having joined. They feel that I deserve the hassles I'm getting dealing with the VA.
Do The Job Right
Basically I was in a toxic relationship at the time, and it was just a constant cycle of my ex gaslighting me, becoming jealous of anyone else who spent time with me, putting me down, etc. For context, I was also in an abusive situation at home living with my dad, and I had met my ex, Mark, and dated him as I was dealing with my home life.
We were a long distance relationship, and we mainly chatted on Skype. We'd have voice calls and video chats often, usually when my dad was asleep for obvious reasons. When I explained to him when I'd suddenly hang up during calls or I was gone for a while without warning it was because of my dad. Mark would just laugh it off with really awful jokes about it.
Don't get me wrong, I love dark humor as much as the next guy, but it hurts to hear that when you're dealing with getting beat regularly. He constantly vented to me about stuff in his life, but got angry when I even got the smallest bit upset about anything in my life.
Fast forward near the end of our relationship; Mark was in a call with me and another person, sharing what was showing on his screen as he was using his laptop. I suppose Mark assumed I fell asleep since it was late and I was quiet, or didn't care/forgot that he was sharing his screen.
He opened his chat with the other person, and I saw some of the stuff she and Mark were saying about me. Mark's message to her that said something like:
"LMAO I hope her dad gets mad enough to do the job right next time"
He knew that dad threatened to kill me a few times.
His Girlfriend's Kids
My father was talking to my grandmother about how I was weird and he preferred to be a father to his girlfriend's kids.
I saw my favorite teacher from secondary school in a pub. I heard him say to a friend that I was one of his biggest disappointments.
I'm well aware that I haven't met expectations but this hit me really hard.
Not sure if this counts but I was casually going through my girlfriend's comment history and found out she had made a post on the Couple Advice subreddit about how boring I am. She said that she feels like I'm preventing her from having fun and "caging her in."
Not the worst thing I've heard but it hurt to see how my girlfriend felt I was so boring she was considering breaking up with me.
So Much Better
"I heard Johnny is dating her, he can do so much better"
The entire room agreed. I was at the door as the room fell silent when they realized I heard them.
The Drunken Phone Call
My mom got drunk and was talking to someone on the phone. She said she wishes she had aborted me. This was right after I came out as trans.
A Flight To Catch
After a suicide attempt that nearly killed me, I heard my dad say to someone in the emergency department
"How long is this going to take? I have a flight to catch in the morning."
It's one of the only things I remember about that night.
The Ugly End Of The Scale
I was in English class, must have been about 15 years old. There were two guys sitting next to me who were chatting amongst themselves whilst we were doing work. The two 'popular' girls were sitting at the back of the class, one was extremely beautiful the other one was...kinda average.
I heard one of the boys ask the other one if they thought the average looking popular girl was hot, his response was "I mean, kinda, shes not like [pretty popular girl's] level but shes not like..."
Then he looked around the room briefly and said my name. The other guy then agreed with him and they moved on in their conversation.
I think the reason why it crushed me so much was the fact that he didn't intend on me to hear, he wasn't saying it to try and be funny or hurt my feelings, he was just using me as an example of someone on the ugly end of the scale in order to get his point across.
If they said it loudly for me to hear I would have just brushed it off as kids being mean, but the fact that it was something I overheard made it so much more painful.
The Fun House Lady
I was told, to my face, that when I laugh I sound like the fat lady at the fun house. Not something you want to hear. Especially when you laugh alot.
Early in my career, I got an email from a co-worker, meant for someone else, talking about how tight and out-of-style my jeans were. I had zero self-esteem back then so I threw the jeans away after work that day. Now I would've laughed it off, or more likely I would've used it to embarrass the dude who sent it.
Approached my mother to tell her I felt suicidal, that I thought I needed help. Under her breath as I left she muttered:
"Hurry up and do it then and stop talking about it."
I was 15.
The Church Ladies
I was walking into a church as a teen, two older ladies were walking by and I heard one say out loud:
"That's one ugly kid."
There was no one else around so they had to be talking about me.
Then the other one (I guess to be nicer, but sounded worse) said to her:
"Well, he's not ugly to his momma."
Remember way back when the internet wasn't a flaming dumpster fire?
Yeah, us either.
The internet has always been a mess, but it's also always been beautiful.
It connects people, ideas, senses or humor, creativity! Yes, we've got our fair share of deviants, murderers, and trashbag people, but we've also got decades of wonder to celebrate.
Newbies like to think using the internet for awesomeness is something they came up with, but the old heads are here to tell you the internet has ALWAYS been a complicated crash course in the coolest stuff ever.
So let's hop in the wayback machine and get our nostalgia on.
Reddit user ransom0374 asked:
"What do you miss from early internet times?"
So let's take that walk down memory lane, or if you're new-ish here on planet Earth, this is going to be a fun little "history" lesson.
If you're uncertain where you fall, here's a test:
"Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger..."
If you finished the song, you're probably going to remember quite a few of these...
"AIM away messages saying stupid stuff like 'BRB going to get some bagel bites.' "
"Don't forget to update your personal profile with Blink 182 lyrics and the initials of your school sweetheart and some ASCII. Browse for a new inappropriate buddy icon and strike up a convo with SmarterChild"Giphy
"I miss the wild unknown frontier that the internet was."
"It seemed there was so much discovery to be had on the internet, and if you were good at the internet everyone thought of you as 'Hackerman' and you were like a God amongst your peers."
"It seems like there isn't anything 'new' on the internet anymore. No discoveries to be made."Giphy
The Irony Is Not Lost On Us
"Variety. There's a popular tweet that says something like 'the internet has turned into four websites where on each one people share screenshots of the other three.' "
"I miss when you could search a term and there would be dozens of sites dedicated to it or forums especially for it. Now it's just ads, Wikipedia, and Reddit."
"Oh, and not having ads shoved down your throat every time you search a term or navigate to a page!"
"I know there were pop ups and banners, which weren't any better. But there was a sweet spot."
"There was a few years there where you could Google something and half the first page WASN'T sponsored ads that had nothing to do with what you looked up. And you could go to a website and it DIDN'T block the page with a full screen ad asking for your email to join their mailing list or save 10% on their merchandise."Giphy
Figuring It Out
"That all the webpages were just random people trying to figure out HTML."
"There really wasn't a corporate presence at all. It was just a place for people to experiment."
"You could click on a button and make a cardboard hand wave at someone's cats. You could dispense a coke from a machine in some dorm. It was dumb and fun."Giphy
"The learning was endless."
"There were almost an infinite source of information from all over the world. If you wanted to find something all you had to do was search for it in Ask Jeeves or whatever and you'd find any website that had ever mentioned that thing."
"There were more than 10 different websites. And at least it didn't feel like I was being forced to sign up for a subscription after every click."
"There were so many fun, cute stores to shop. Now it feels like everyone dresses and decorates the same."
"I miss a lot of things about the early internet. I'm probably wrong, but it just felt safer than it does now?"Giphy
"I was in my late teens when the internet was becoming accessible to everyone. Our one household computer was in the kitchen & facing in a way so anyone coming in could see your screen."
"I remember looking at someone's website and my Dad passing by to get something to eat, asking me if the person on the website was my friend."
"I miss those old days! The internet seemed endless & friendly."Giphy
A Base Level For Participation
"Most people were smart."
"In the early days (by far) most people on the internet were in college, either as a teacher or student. Beyond that, people had to to be in a lab or make their computer talk to a connected computer which was not so easy in the old days."
"It acted as a sort of intelligence barrier one needed clear to participate in internet things."
"Higher barrier to entry."
"I remember the fond days of SLIP and Trumpet Winsock when you had to know at least a little about tech to get on and participate."
"There was still stupidity, but it just wasn't as loud as it is now."
"In the very very early days, pre-AOL, you needed skill and knowledge to get online."
"Then AOL came onto the scene an d anyone could get online at the push of a button."Giphy
Go Away Now
"I miss when what happened on the internet, stayed on the internet."
"You could turn off the beige box and go about the rest of your day without it affecting you."
"The fact that is only existed on a big computer in the house, as long as no-one was on the phone. It wasn't some all-encompassing thing."
"The internet not following me around. When you logged off, you effectively put the internet away."Giphy
It Used To Be...
"How people used to treat it."
"The internet was not just a novelty, but an amazing piece of technology that let anyone share anything. It was so wholesome and loving, with everyone still being amazed at what we could do now."
"Now? There's so many websites that are designed to make you angry and radicalize your beliefs. It's quantity over quality."
"There was a time when nobody on Reddit shared politics, when Facebook was for socializing, when YouTube was where people uploaded stuff they were passionate about."Giphy
We Used To Love Yahoo
"I can't remember what it was called, but Yahoo had this great music video program where it showed popular artists, and some very unknown folks."
"I discovered some of my favorite artists having it play in the background all the time."
"Launchcast/Yahoo Radio. It was revolutionary for music streaming and the 1-5 star system worked really well. I preferred it over Pandora's up/down system."Giphy
On a personal level, I want to go on record and say MusicMatch was the greatest music program in the history of life.
It just was.
I will die on this hill.
It was dopeness in all forms. MusicMatch Jukebox? Dope. Yahoo MusicMatch? Dope.
So what relics from Ye Olde Internet are you passionate about? Sound off in the comments!
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No one wants war.
Who is going to light the powder keg and set it all off?
Which country will start WW3? Why?
Does anyone really want to start another world war?
They may not have a choice in the matter.
Getting It Out Of The Way Early
"Austrian here, we will do it again probably, I would like to say sorry in advance! Most plausible reason at the moment is because Germans eat schnitzel with sauce on top, then this conflict will spiral out again into WW3."
"Third time's the charm!"
-Some Austrian, probably
Civil War 2: Electric Boogaloo
"It'll be a civil war that devolves into a world war, with no one country clearly responsible for this change."
"But we'll blame it all on germany again, right"
Why I Oughtta...
"At this point, there are enough nukes in the world to ensure that a World War would simply result in nuclear annihilation on all sides. Say what you want about authoritarians like Xi Jinping, Kim Jung Un, and Ali Khameni, they are many things; but they're not suicidal. They know that an all out war would just end everyone, including them, so they're not going to. This is why the US and the USSR never went to all out war, despite coming close a few times; the risks were just too great for both sides."
"What could easily happen, however, is another cold war, this time between the US and China. And like in the Cold War, there could be proxy wars fought as a result of it, but it's unlikely that any country will take the insane risks of starting World War 3."
A full-blown world war is a tricky thing to get off the ground, that is if anyone wants it. The leading cause to impending war could come out of nowhere, or somewhere completely unexpected, or perhaps it will never come.
2-Day War Delivery
"Bruh its gunna be Amazon, not a country"
"Jeff Bezos finna be dropping Amazon basics nukes on us"
Can It Even Happen?
"I don't think the world can handle another world war. simply for the sake that we're all so interconnected. every major nation trades with each other and are in bed with each other. I would be a detriment to whatever country starts a war."
"Think about how the global supply chain has been impacted by the pandemic, the world would probably cease to function all together in a major conflict."
"There was a quote I liked, I think it was from Dan Carlin. He said that leading up to WWI Europe had become too economically entwined to go to war with itself, but none of the economists were invited to the war councils. The generals making the decisions didn't understand the situation so they made dumb decisions. The situation is undoubtably more-so interconnected today, the question is, do we have economists making the call on starting wars?"
A Little Humor Before We Get To The Serious Stuff...
"Probably America, I mean they made Wonder Woman 1 & 2, so highly likely they'd make WW3. At least start it. Not sure why someone else would finish it."
"No, they don't know how to count.. They jumped from WW1 to WW84."
Is it in the realm of possibility? Possibly.
After all, people will be people.
Anyone Else Surprised? No?
"America have a surplus of military might, a recent history of starting wars for profit, EVERYTHING is politicised and extreme nationalism and xenophobia are normalised within the populace. I'm going with them."
These All Feel Tangible
"My guesses would be 1) USA vs China over Taiwan or 2) China vs India (a lot on tension there that doesn't get a lot of news attention)"
"India-Pakistan and China-India are hot beds."
"India and Pakistan have been at war numerous times since their inception. 5 'official' wars and 9 minor skirmishes, to be exact. The last conflict ended with a ceasefire in 2003, but the last incident was a series of skirmishes along the Line of Control in Kashmir, from November 2020 to February 2021."
"Neither is capable of a full-fledged invasion of the other, so it's limited to border disputes. And while Pakistan does have nukes, it would be suicide to use them. There's no incentive for any other countries to get involved."
Going For It
"China making a move on Taiwan or some other land grab in India or other bordering countries."
An Infectious Idea
"India and Pakistan. It will spread to China, then North Korea (or North Korea first) and pull in many others in Asia. This will pull in NATO, either directly or via global partners (Australia)."
This One Makes WAY Too Much Sense
"Twitter. Someone will probably make a typo that everyone takes the wrong way..."
Well, what do you think could happen? Let us know in the comments.
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So let's talk about how a dog owner on Facebook learned her dog's "adorable" behavior was, in fact, furious masturbation.
Readers, if you know anything about me you know I love a good plot twist and I love chonky puppers.
Yesterday, life combined my two great loves in a hilarious and inappropriate way.
I was mindlessly scrolling through my dog groups on Facebook when a video with a few hundred laugh reacts but almost no comments caught my eye.
The still from the video was a pudgy little Frenchie, so obviously I had to read and watch.
The dogs owner shared the video along with a post asking professionals to shed some light on why he does what he does.
Owner-obliviousness as they gushed about how adorable it was made the awkward even better.
The owner explained the Frenchie often makes aggressive eye contact and licks his lips while he "plays air guitar"—which is what the family calls it—and how cute & funny they all find the behavior.
The video was the dog, casually chilling, using his paw to rub the tip of his penis while staring awkwardly at the camera and licking his lips like a pup possessed.
Three hundred and fifteen laugh-reacts—at the time that I saw it—and only three comments:
1. a vet explaining that the behavior showed in the video was the dog masturbating while making direct eye contact
2. the owner giving a simple "thank you" and
3. the admins of the group closing the comments.
So, why am I sharing this with you?
Because Reddit user Drakmamman asked:
"Dog owners of reddit, what the dog doin?"
... and so now you get this whole article just so I had an excuse to tell y'all about a furiously fapping Frenchie, 'cause somebody else needed to know about him.
I cackled for a good 20 minutes imagining the family getting all giddy about their dog "playing air guitar"—making the little air guitar meedly squeedly noises while he played, maybe even playing along thinking they're enjoying a fun little game—but they're really just been giving a hair metal soundtrack to their dogs stroke sesh.
Something tells me now the owner knows what "air guitar" really is, they're not likely to rush and tell Reddit all about how they've been gathering as a family to watch cause it's just so cute.
That's what I'm here for.
Anyway, here's the stuff other people's dogs are up to. It's not fapping—or if it is, the owners aren't telling Reddit.
"Wife just came home with the baby. Dog is acting like she's been abandoned for years running up and down, barking and jumping on everything."
"They'd only been out an hour and I was with her the whole time." - Single_Goose7015
"My dog does this too when my wife comes home. Like what am I, chopped liver?" - jackof47trades
"I feel your pain. My dog started howling mournfully when my partner went back to work last week… I was right there!" - TreatOutside
"Staring at the door waiting for the only human he cares about to come home (obviously not me)" - SnarkyRedhead
"Probably trying to herd the cats."
"He's a border collie mix who's afraid of goats and sheep, but even after six years of living with them he still thinks he can control where the cats go."
"He's a good boy, he's very persistent, but not terribly bright sometimes." - TokesNotHigh
"After 8 years our border collie still herds the cats, and the vacuum." - psychologicaluse28
"Big heart, small brain. I have one of those dogs too. They are the sweetest." - Technobucket
"She has flung herself flat across the bed and is playing dead, quiet except for the occasional pitiful whine. Every now and then she lifts her head up and fixes a desperate look upon me, silently begging for release from her wretched existence."
"She's a bit overdramatic about having to wear a cone. The issue is an abrasion on a toe that she won't stop licking, which is making it worse."
"I've been alternating between bandaging it and having her wear a cone. She's been consistently a drama queen." - halfinboxes
"Staring at me because their dinner time is in one hour and they need to start letting me know that, in an hour, they need to eat...in an hour, so I better not forget...cuz they're hungry, which is why they're staring at me...and it's almost dinner time."
"Just one more hour, And they want to make sure I don't forget. Because maybe I will."
"So, they need to remind me. By staring at me. Every day. One hour before dinner." - MotherOfFred
A Little "Light" ExerciseGiphy
"Mine loves light reflected off watches or phones. And loves lasers."
"It's sunny and he sees light on the wall so he is bothering me to use my watch or phone so he can chase the light. I've spent the last hour doing it."
"I even got him a cat laser toy that's automatic for him and he runs himself tired as all hell with it. But he is STILL asking for it."
"Used the laser toy also too, so he is panting dripping tongue and still wants to play more..." - boomgoon
"Last night my dogs chased down and killed a rabbit in the backyard. They are usually so gentle; this was weird and unexpected."
"I watched the whole thing helpless because it was so fast. The rabbit screamed, it was insane."
"Now, I'm watching them sleep on my couch and can't help but think they just murdered someone."
"They are just vicious predators, right here, in my house. On my couch."
"But they snuggly as f*ck. This trips me out." - Atheist_Redditor
A Problematic PrincessGiphy
"We have two chihuahuas. One is a 15 year old (quite appropriately) named Princess and one is a one year old named Charlie."
"Both have their own dog beds on the couch since they are spoiled."
"When Princess is feeling particularly moody or like asserting her dominance, she will drag Charlie's bed into her bed and lay on top of BOTH of them and snarl at him if he comes close to her personal space bubble/bed mountain."
"And when we tell her she can't have both beds and put his bed back to the side, she just glares at us. Lol." - mslm90
"She's currently in her cage resting after her great adventure."
"She managed to get upstairs and grab a hold of one of my shoes. Not just any old shoe, but one of the shoes I am planning to wear this weekend for my wedding."
"After running around, she dropped the shoe to chew on a shirt - at which point she was cornered, and then brought downstairs."
"Pup and shoe are both unharmed and doing well. My nerves, not so much." - still_interesting23
So ... what's YOUR dog been up to lately?
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Have you ever fantasized about what it would be like to win the lottery? Having money for the rest of your life, as far as the eye can see, to cover your expenses.
And have you thought about all the things you would buy if you could really afford them? Are they ALL practical things, or are some of them silly?
We always love to fantasize about what life would be like if money were no object. And you are not alone!
Redditor OnlyVillager asked:
"If you won the lottery, what's something 'useless' that you would buy?"
Here were some of those answers.
I Be The Witch Of The Wood
"My teenage daughter disclosed to me the other day that her biggest life goal is to buy a house on an acreage that has a large wooded area."
"She plans to build me a house in the woods, fund whatever ridiculous bullsh*t art installations I want to erect in the woods, then spread rumors in neighboring towns that a witch lives back there."
"She's the best."-OpossumJesusHasRisen
My Kingdom For A Castle
"I'm blowing it all on a castle. No, not one of those fairy tale mansions from the 19th century robber barons called 'castles'.
"A fully loaded, honest-to-god, obsolete, medieval fortress. Two curtain walls, a keep, towers, barbican, portcullis, murderholes, loopholes, machicolations, the works. It'll be a well warmed summer retreat/place to hide out if another plague hits the world."
"I'm buying Au Train island in the Upper Peninsula to be specific. When the feds finally come after billionaires to pay their fair share, I'm running to my island and sealing the gates behind me."
"So I can get my affairs in order and pay my taxes. What were you thinking I was gonna do? Hide from the IRS? They can breach any castle lmao."-DaemonTheRoguePrince
I Wanna Be A Billionaire
- "I want a cold water dispenser on my desk. It has to be connected to the water line, filtered and cooled. Ideally it also has that thing that automatically knows when the container is almost full."
- "My new lifestyle would be to live 4 weeks in a different city, then 1 week at home. In each city, I would stay in a Luxury Airbnb or a five star hotel."
- "I would hire a professional soccer coach. I'm talking someone that trains pro players. I'm Arab and I'm tired of not being good at soccer, just a few months of lessons and I'll be able to participate in pick up games and have fun."
- "I would also hire singing, guitar and piano instructors. Singing would be the toughest because my voice sucks, but I figure with time I can be good enough to sing a song if I want to reference it. That's how bad I am today."-Reformedjerk
Imagine just not having to think when you click the "purchase" button.
A Nice Siesta
"Maybe not exactly "useless" in the way people are thinking (the way the question is asked makes me think by "useless" they mean "stupid/wasteful" but I'm thinking in terms of things that are fun and only for the purpose of having fun), but do vacations count?"
"If I had that much money all to myself, I would 100% rather have a regular sized house/car and spend the money on experiences instead."
"The idea of having a normal life but knowing that I can just decide to take the day off and go to DisneyLand or treat myself to a fancy dinner whenever the hell I want to is a fantasy I've had since I was literally a little kid."
"I get that those aren't useful things because they're not things I could USE like a car/house/purse/etc, but I'd definitely be happy:)"-StreetIndependence62
"Well this stuff is only useless if there isn't some sort of apocalyptic event that happens in my lifetime."
"That said, I'd go full prepper and bury myself a bunker in the desert with tons of food and water stored away and decked out with solar panels, a garage full of electric cars, and a stash of every sort of modern electronic equipment available in vast quantities."
"So this would be a huge waste of money if there's never an apocalypse. But it would be very valuable to me if there happens to be one."-TimHawks1983
"I have always wanted a talking toilet. I don't even know why at this point. I just saw it on a tv show, don't even remember what, and since that day I have thought 'yes, I want this.'"
"But right now, with my paupers wage, I cannot afford such a thing. I have a lot of serious plans for lottery level money. I would open a shelter for homeless people and start my own dog shelter. As well as my own theme park."
"But I would still get a talking toilet."-MagnificentColossus
Put Your Bird On My Shoulder
"I would get into falconry, vintage guitars from the 50s and 60s, a live in Cook, most of the surfaces that I touch would be marble, and I would save a significant portion of my money to split between investments and gambling on riskier stocks."
"Depending on how much money a private jet would be in the cards as well as a flight license. This is one of my favorite things to daydream about"-freemason777
The best part of all of this is, it doesn't matter that these things are useless.
They bring us joy, and that is what matters.
"Boring" "Flame Thrower"???
"Definitely a boring company flame thrower. And a Barrett M82."
"Probably a supercar too, but not to drive it. I want to light it on fire in a public space as an appeal to consumerism right before I go take a private jet to Nappa Valley to eat at the French Laundry and get hammered on the most expensive bottles of wine I can find."-xdylanxfrommyspace
"There are many things I bought that I regretted it immediately. I love to try new stuff. Especially no-brand or brand that is not famous. My curiosity is very high, that is the problem."
"I wanted to know whether those products are okay for human being. For example, I bought BioAqua face products. The most product I regret is BioAqua aloe vera. After my third use of the product, I actually experience worst allergic in the world."
"My skin had a lot of red patches appeared in just few hours. It was itchy but not painful. Just I keep scratching my skin but I tried my best to control it."
"It took about three - five days to keep it clear with medication and creams. Then after a couple of weeks, I decided to use it again. I got the reaction."
"Thankfully, I still have the medication and the cream. So, I took it immediately. I also did not apply the cream that much compared to previous time."
"I still have the aloe vera bottle in my room. I wanted to throw it but I could not throw it. Yet, I cannot use it and yes, I feel sad when I saw it. So, you can understand how I feel."-nimbledealing53
Hobby Hobby Hobby!
"If I won the lottery - I would open a shop for my favorite hobby. I would manage it like a business, giving a decent wage to several workers allowing them to pursue a degree or whatever and have a job that doesn't suck."
"I'd lose money on running a store. But I'd enjoy it. I'd enjoy sharing my hobby, selling the stuff I love at reasonable prices and giving a few young people a good job in a stress free environment."
"Useless store, great life experience for the people I'd employ."-Dealthagar
Money doesn't solve all of the world's problems or all of a person's problems, even—but it certainly does make life a little easier here and there for those who need it.
Hopefully the 21st century sees all of us buying things with our millions of dollars.
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