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The Wittiest Things People Have Ever Heard Someone Say

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People Break Down The Biggest Bombshells Their Therapist Ever Dropped On Them

People Break Down Their Weirdest 'It Runs In The Family' Traits

People Break Down Their Weirdest 'It Runs In The Family' Traits

These Entitled Jerks Made Us Rage

These Entitled Jerks Made Us Rage

Worst. Party. Ever.

Worst. Party. Ever.

Exposed: From Friend To Frenemy

Exposed: From Friend To Frenemy

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People Confess The Worst Things They've Ever Done While Drunk

Life-Ruining Secrets

Life-Ruining Secrets

People Share Their Personal Reason For Why They Don't Drink

Sober for life.

People Share Their Personal Reason For Why They Don't Drink
www.goodfreephotos.com

Getting sober is one of the most important and life changing events. Alcohol is fun, yes. But, some of us have a little too much fun with it. There are so many reasons why people don't drink and those can be life saving reasons to know. It's all good to have fun, but we need to recognize overindulgence.

Redditor wanted to hear from all the sobers out there by asking.... Non drinkers of Reddit, what do you tell people when they ask "why don't you drink"?

Just One.

Grew up in an alcoholic home. Homeless. Always on the run from the law. My grandfathers on both sides were alcoholics. My dad was an alcoholic. My sister is an addict and alcoholic. She's living on the street somewhere. I always assumed I was probably an alcoholic, too. So, I just never drank the first one. I'm 53 and have never had a beer or any alcohol.

I just tell people I don't drink and never have. A friend of mine was poking fun at me once back in high school, "Are you afraid to have even one drink!?"

I responded, "You've been to my house."

He got real serious and said, "Yeah. Sorry. That was uncool."

I just don't drink. Kiroway66

Keep at it. 

Because I'm an alcoholic and my life goes to crap when I drink. *sober since 06/07/14. liquid405

Yeah buddy! I hear you, I've been sober since 30/08/13. Creeping up on 6 years in 2 weeks time. Keep at it. white_butterfly1

"I don't want to" 

It aggravates my disease.

I have other reasons, but it's the one I most revert to because "I don't want to" usually doesn't cut it for whatever reason.

Edit: disease is Rheumatoid Arthritis, the times I have tried drinking it's triggered a flare really badly. supern0vaaaaa

15 Years Ago. 

"I met my quota 15 years ago. I drank all of the alcohol I was allotted for life and probably some of your quota too, so I had to stop." FairyDustSailor

I've thought about using that one. I drank so much towards the end of my career of being a drunk I just can't. I'm 43 days sober today. I was drinking a liter of gin a day so its game over if I start back. Chubs_Mackerel

Just Being 20!

Giphy

I'm 20 and I say this (I don't drink because I've known a few too many alcoholics to want to even try getting drunk). Everyone takes it as a challenge to make me drink more! Like, "oh, we say it's ok, so get drunk, hun." Uhhhh... no thanks. mrichter2

Not Right Now. 

I hate telling people that I don't drink because then they ask that question. I usually tell people "I don't feel like drinking right now." Not only do I not feel like drinking now, I don't feel like drinking ever again.

The real answer is, when I start I can't seem to stop, and health concerns. People get so defensive about why drinking alcohol is ok, I don't get it. Like, you make your decisions and let me make mine. BagelDesk

Full Disclosure. 

I no longer drink because I like drinking way to much. hangryguy

Yep, last week at happy hour with new friends I just said "Full disclosure-I'm not responsible enough to drink," takes the edge off the whole alcoholism thing, worked well. My virgin mojito was meh but my sanity, health, relationships and Saturday morning were deeelish. 2 years sober now. aussiefrzz16

The Meds. 

On medication, which is true, but the main reason is that I'm a complete control freak. DonutsAndDoldrums

Yeah I can't due to medication and so many people try to talk me into it. It's like no thanks I don't feel like dying today. The insistence people have when trying to get people to drink is creepy. SoVerySleepy81

Family Tree. 

Had an alcoholic parent. Turned me off drinking completely. killy420

Grew up being told that the most brilliant man I could have ever met was my grandfather. And he died the year before I was born due to alcoholism. My parents had already cut ties with that part of the family for all kinds of alcohol and drug issues, cousins that couldn't stay out of jail for more than a month, etc.

I tell people that my body doesn't process alcohol very well and could hospitalize me. Most don't press after that. In reality I can only handle the equivalent of one beer before I start to feel uncomfortable and hot and I've never really felt any kind of encouragement to push through that. bVI7N6V7IM7

Blackout.

Giphy

"Because none of you can stop me when I blackout."

Edit: should probably mention I'm nearly seven feet tall so this is a lot funnier/scarier depending on how well you know me. This is just the fastest way I've found to get people to stop asking me why I don't drink. It's meant as a joke. Cerberus63

REDDIT

sober

People Who Wouldn't Quit Their Job If They Won The Lottery Explain What They Do

Reddit user BITE_AU_CHOCOLAT asked: 'People who wouldn't quit their job even if you won the lottery, what's your job?'

lottery tickets
Erik Mclean on Unsplash

A lot of workers daydream about some day winning the lottery and being able to say goodbye to their job.

Far too many workers are unhappy with their job duties, workplace dynamics or company culture.

But with a taste for luxuries like housing and food, they keep plugging away, year after year.

However not everyone feels that way about their job.

So what are these compelling careers?

Keep reading... Show less
work

People Describe The Most 'Small Town' Thing They've Ever Witnessed

Aerial view of a church in a small town
Sander Weeteling/Unsplash

There's something comforting about living in a small town.

It's characterized by close communities where neighbors know each other by name and there is an abundance of kindness extended to others.

Gift-giving is a commonality, as is the sharing of recipes, and people going out of their way to help each other in a time of need.

The pace of living in small towns is also a striking contradiction to city life, where crowds of people go about their busy lives without much interaction.

Curious to hear more examples of what small town living is like, Redditor official_biz asked:

"What's the most 'small town' thing you've witnessed?"

These are positive examples of a tight-knit community.

Live Updates

"We have a village Facebook page. Every time the ice cream man drives into the village, the entire page goes ballistic. People send live updates of where the van is and which direction he's heading. The ice cream man has started accepting DMs so he knows which streets to go down."

– PyrrhuraMolinae

Brush With The Law

"I’m from a town of less than 2,000 people. When I worked at the grocery store there people would often drop off stuff for my family members because they didn’t want to drive all the way down to our house. I no longer live there but recently got a call from my daughter. She had been stopped for speeding and handed over her license and insurance which happens to be in my mother’s name. The officer goes 'Hey, you’re Donnie’s granddaughter! I ain’t gonna write you a ticket but I’m telling Donnie when I see him tomorrow cause we’re going fishing.' She replied 'I think I’d rather have the ticket.'”

- Reddit

Roadside Catchup

"The traffic on the 'main street' of my town is so sparse, two drivers going opposite directions can stop and talk to each other for a few minutes without causing any problem."

– anon

When things go wrong, people take notice without incident.

Bank Robbery

"A guy robbed a bank and everyone knew immediately who he was and the teller got mad at him."

– AlexRyang

"A local bank was robbed and one of the tellers told the police to bring her a yearbook from about ten years earlier and she would be able to point the robber out. He had been in the grade before hers in school."

– Strict_Condition_632

Wise Woman

"When I worked at the bank in town there was an older lady that had worked there through 5 mergers."

"She knew everyone, there was a young guy yelling at me one day. She walked out of the back and he immediately quieted. She went off about telling his grandmother that he was treating young women like sh*t. She also said that if he didn’t straighten up not one girl in town would ever marry him she would make sure of it."

– ilurvekittens

Intoxicated Local

"Town drunk was paralyzed and used a motorized wheelchair to get around. I was driving home one Saturday night and said town drunk was passed out in his wheelchair doing circles almost directly in the town square. Had to call his brother who came and picked him up on a rollback truck. Strapped him down and drove off into the cold dark night."

– DoodooExplosion

Grazing Over To The Bar

"In my former small town, there was an older guy who'd lost his license after getting a few DUIs. Every day, he would ride his John Deere lawnmower to the corner bar around 3PM and sit around watching TV and sipping his beer well into the night. Then he'd head the couple miles back home on his mower. He even had a little canvass shell he put on when it rained or got too cold."

– brown_pleated_slacks

It's not surprising how small town people behave differently than those who are from metropolitan areas.

Welcoming Committee

"I lived in a small town. When I moved there, people would ask, 'Whose house did you buy?'"

–MoonieNine

"Move to a small town. 30 years later, you are still the new guy."

– impiousdrifter

"I lived in a small town for most of my childhood but I wasn't "from there" because my grandparents weren't from there."

– raisinghellwithtrees

"Worked with an older guy, relative of the owner of the business, he was 73. I asked him if he was a local, he said 'no his parents moved here when he was two.'"

– realneil

A Busy Day

"Lived in a town of about 5,000: A woman walked into the DMV on a Friday, saw that there were 3 people ahead of her and left to come back another time when they weren't so busy."

– KenmoreToast

Who Let The Dogs Out?

"My dogs got out while i was working. the police called my niece's elementary school (she was a 5th grader) to get her to round them up and take them back home."

– mediocrelpn

"There was a small kennel behind the police station for runaways. They called us saying they had our dog, and moments later our dog showed up home. He broke out of jail."

– Worried_Place_917

While life in a small town sounds appealing, I don't know if I can ever live in one.

I'm so used to life in big cities, I think it would be quite unnerving to adjust in a neighborhood where everyone literally knows your business.

I would be paranoid.

And I'm sure the same could be said of life in the big city.

Would you consider making the switch to life in a different setting?

living

Products That Customers Don't Realize Have A Really High Mark Up

two filled drinking glasses with beverages
Photo by Monika Grabkowska on Unsplash

When I was in high school, my friends and I went to a pizza place after school nearly every day. In addition to a slice of pizza, we would each buy a soda. The place offered free refills (this was back when not all places did this), and we thought it was really cool. However, I used to wonder why they would do this. Wouldn't it be more profitable to them if they forced us to buy a second drink?

Four years later, I began working in a restaurant and learned that more often than not, the cups we gave out for soda cost more than the syrup that went in the drink. The restaurant offered us free food on days we worked, but we couldn't get drinks for free unless we brought our own cups.

This was shocking to me and put free refills into a whole new perspective. We could sell the soda for more than it cost to make, but no one would buy a soda if we tried to sell it for more than the cup cost. It would cost us less to allow customers to refill the same cup for free than it would be to give or even sell them another cup because it would cost the business a lot to replace each cup.

Soda cups aren't the only things that have a high mark up price, and they're not the only products people were surprised to find had a high mark up. Redditors know of lots of products that they were surprised to find out has a high mark up and are ready to share.

It all started when Redditor petrastales asked:

"What product unbeknownst to most people has the highest mark up?"

​Equality Doesn't Exist

"Back in the early 2000’s I was managing a restaurant - garlic bread was selling for 3.95 and cost 0.07 to make. Not all food items are equal when it comes to margins!"

– leyland_gaunt

"I came here specifically to mention pizza. The profit margins on pizza are nuts, you have to suck at making it to not stay open."

– DreadedChalupacabra

"Yeah, it drives me nuts when you can request add-ons, but it's like $3 for a few pieces of camembert, or $2 for some chopped tomato, when it probably cost $5 for an entire 1kg bag of tomatoes."

– Writerhowell

How Cheesy

"Yeah and like 1.50 of that pizza was the cheese."

"Cheese is the most expensive part of a pizza assuming youre not doing some weird specialty stuff."

– Doomstik

"Can confirm. Worked at a pizza place. An incompetent employee was supposed to fluff a box of cheese but dropped it on the ground by accident. the owner was there. I swear I saw him shed a tear because that box was $120 of pure uncut shredded mozzarella and that was supposed to become like $1,000 in pizzas."

– PM_Sexy_Catgirls_Meo

That's Nuts!

"Yeah I worked at a place that did charcuterie, I apologized to the chef for munching out on the fancy olives all night. He said he didn't give a damn, as long as it kept my hands off the roasted cashews. Big jar of olives was like 15 bucks, the equivalent of cashews was like 200 bucks."

– hudson27

Bamboozled

"Reminds me of the never-ending pasta at Olive Garden. Pasta is dirt cheap and incredibly filling. The chances of you eating enough that it's actually a good deal for you is very slim."

– IBJON

"When I was working at a chain pizza restaurant, the storage manager wanted to get pasta on the menu, because of the profit margins. It's crazy because it cost us $2.10 to make a 17 inch pizza, and we sold them for $14."

– fukreddit73264

Not Worth It

"Flavored seltzers at a brewery. The beer costs 10x as much to make, but they charge almost the same at the tap."

– LocoCracka

"I have a buddy who made seltzers at a brewery in the Bay Area. Some malt liquor, very little flavoring, and a ton of soda water."

"Couldn’t make a cheaper adult beverage if you tried."

– Ikarus_Zer0

Ma, I Can't See!

"Glasses."

"Luxottica owns most major eye wear stores, costs them a few dollars to make and you pay hundreds for them."

– godnrop

"My cousin taught English in China after college in the early 2000s, apparently they had machines in malls where you could look into a pair of holes, do a vision test, get a prescription, and have a pair of glasses automatically ground for you in like 2 minutes for about $5, and the only reason we don't have that in the US is regulations."

"I travel to China frequently for work. I just take the USA prescription for family and friends and they have them made in about an hour or less. Family and friends give me an idea of frames they like and they pop the prescription lenses in. I pay about USD40 for the top-grade lens material that is antifog and anti-scratch."

– i3f8j

"I don’t really object to paying $50 for an eye exam, I object to paying $300 for a pair of frames. There’s no reason you shouldn’t be able to take the prescription the optometrist gives you, enter the numbers into the machine, and get the same $5 glasses."

– river4823

​Message Received

"Back in the day, text messaging."

– alien109

"That's why I left T-Mobile in 2005. They were charging me for incoming texts but offered no way for me to block them. So basically, someone else had control of my bill."

– CGYOMH

"I remember being young, spending the $20 I worked so hard for so I could get minutes, only for a friend with unlimited minutes to spam me with a few texts and take it all away. What an upsetting time."

– Boopcheese

Ice Ice Baby

"Soft drinks in pubs. Especially the ones from “the tap”. Costs pennies and they charge £3 for a pint of it. Probably the biggest earner in a pub."

– lucky_1979

"Especially when they just cram a glass with ice and then lightly moisten it with the actual drink you ordered."

– jamesmowry

"My work just came out with a policy that we need to completely fill the glass with ice because it "keeps the drink colder for longer".. eyeroll."

– metalbridgebuilder

"The nuts and bolts section at your local big box hardware store is the highest markup isle. 500% or more. If you need more than a few bolts, go shopping at a proper hardware supplier."

– SatanLifeProTips

"Whenever I go through one of these aisles and look at the price for a single bolt or screw, I look at the overall assortment and think: There must be tens of thousands of dollars just for the shelf-price of fasteners I see right here in this aisle alone."

"The markup is crazy, but why do I want to buy a box of 100 screws if I only need two?"

– lemming_follower

Second To One

"The second-cheapest bottle of wine on the menu."

– slocki

"In order to not look cheap, many people will buy the 2nd cheapest item on the menu."

– AprilsMostAmazing

"Wine in restaurants in general. The markup on wine is wild. My boss used to get whatever was “on sale” from the distributor and usually pay $3-4 a bottle and sell it at $10 a glass."

– she_shoots

Pour Some Sugar On Me

"Candy floss / cotton candy. £4.99 for legitimately 10p worth of sugar."

– Tylervdub

"I used to work food service at an amusement park for a summer job."

"A manager told us that the cost of making a bag of cotton candy, including ingredients, labor, etc., was 19 cents...we sold it for $3."

– etm105

Look, Don't Drive

"Those button batteries in store."

"They know you need one asap cause your car won’t unlock so you are stuck."

"Wait 1 day and you can get a dozen from Amazon for same price."

– kindrudekid

Medical Supplies

"As a Diabetic I'm pretty sure it's Insulin."

– PraiseThePun81

"Can’t believe I had to scroll so far to find this."

"I spend over $13k annually on ‘good’ insurance that doesn’t cover half of the things I need as a diabetic. I spend half that again on the insulin and supplies. It’s a racket."

– Nosce_Temet

H2O

"Water."

– ganic-Lie4759

"Bottled water is so highly marked up as to qualify as a scam."

"At no extra cost aside from the bottle (I don’t have a water meter) my water is completely free. It tastes as good or better than bottled."

– 6033624

I didn't know about any of this!

I can hear my wallet crying.

high mark up

The Absolute Worst Things Teachers Have Seen A Student Do

Black and white photo of a teacher pointing his finger toward an unseen student
Photo by Immo Wegmann

Teachers are meant to impart knowledge to the next generation, but they have to get the kids to pay attention first.

Not an easy task.

So many, too many schools are plagued by kids who have no self-control.

Teachers end up playing referee, counselor, and parent in addition to their teaching role.

All of those additional hats don't come with any additional pay.

It's no wonder we're in a teacher shortage.

Redditor _Planet_Mars_ wanted the teachers out there to share some rough student stories, so they asked:

"Teachers, what is the worst thing you've seen a student do?"

I once saw a kid drive their car into the school office.

They were drunk.

Thankfully no one was injured.

POP!

"The was a loud pop and a flash in the back corner of the classroom. I asked the student sitting there what happened. She said it was firecrackers. I sent her to the office. While she was still in the office, I realized the electrical outlets in the room didn’t work. At that point, another student fessed up that the student sent to the office had put a pair of scissors in the outlet. I’m not sure why that student thought it was better to lie and claim she was doing fireworks inside the school?"

mynamelessname

Pain

"When I was teaching preschool, I had a little girl, between 3-4, walk up to another girl who was sitting on the rug reading a book, grab her by the hair and slam her head into the wall. They hadn’t been interacting in any way prior. When I asked her why she did it, she said she 'wanted her to know it hurts.'"

No-Doubt-8748

That Kid

"A different type of bad than most of these."

"I was a teacher at a poor inner-city school. I had a lot of wonderful students but some difficult ones. One was the worst — bright but was always sleeping through class and acting up and never doing homework. I lived about 30 minutes away. One night, I stopped by the local Wawa after a night out with friends. Was at least 11:30 pm and I was already dreading the early morning drive to school. And who should be checking me out but my own 'problem' student."

"He was working late to make money for his family and then getting home at 1:00 am or later before heading into school on 4-5 hours of sleep. He was a smart kid. Really smart. I hope things worked out for him but I can’t help but wonder what would have happened if he’d been allowed to have a childhood and focus on his education."

Low_Cartographer2944

Blame the Heat

Sweating James Mcavoy GIF Giphy

"It gets very hot here in the warmer months and so the school put out those big containers for water for everyone. Well, one student was caught peeing into a bag and dumping it into the containers."

huzzahserrah

Some kids really need some deeper therapy.

Peeing in bags? Seriously?!

From Beneath

"My wife is an elementary teacher and has a kid this year that likes to slip under their desk and lick toes (we live in a warm state) and they all think he will grow up to be a creeper."

CherryManhattan

BOOM

"This was the worst thing I know of that happened at my high school."

"Someone brought a blasting cap to school (OK, that's a bit dumb), and flushed it down the toilet (that's REALLY dumb). Then told a teacher about it, because maybe it wasn't such a good idea (their best idea that day, really)."

"Wound up with that restroom being taken out of service while the fire department x-rayed the plumbing to find and remove the (admittedly tiny) explosive. Took several weeks before it was back in service."

gogstars

Sad

"My favorite teacher in high school was a very kind a lenient man. Do your work, be respectful, and follow the major school rules and you and him would be cool. The one thing that would seem minor, but that he was very strict about was taking any medication in any way shape, or form in his classroom."

"One day, I needed to take some Advil for cramps and asked to take it. He said I needed to go to the nurse for permission. I ended up asking him why he was so strict about it. it turns out, he had a student pass out in class one day at his former school. He tried to wake her up and called the nurse, but she wouldn't wake up. They called 911 and by the time they got there, she had died of an OD on narcotics she took in the bathroom that she had hidden in a Tylenol bottle. I don't know how he went back to teaching after that."

musical-nerd24601

Painful

Moving Season 2 GIF by Paramount+ Giphy

"Saw a 4-year-old purposely push a piece of furniture over onto another 4-year-old at preschool. It actually really hurt the other kid, and her parents took the school to court."

MPD1987

Kids are brutal.

No wonder people home school.

teacher