For years, my friends, family and I loved/hated the ongoing saga of "Mariachi Neighbor." Allow me to share the joy. My parents have lived in the same house since 1991 and in 2010, a young family moved into the house next door. Shortly after they moved in, my family hit a rough patch so me, my spouse and our kids as well as my brother, his spouse and their kids moved back into my parents house so we could all work together. What ended up happening was that we all got tortured by approximately 3,744 hours of mariachi music. That's not an exaggeration, we did the math.
My parents both worked early shifts on Saturdays, so they had no idea what they were missing until we told them. Every Saturday morning, starting at 7AM, the neighbor would begin blasting mariachi music so loudly that it rattled the windows of our house. Starting early was bad enough, but they would go non-stop for over 12 hours sometimes. Sometimes, if they had an event they would start as early as 5AM and go til 2 or 3 the next morning. Once, they changed up the game and had Mariachi Wednesday and that messed everybody up. We were friendly with them, so we would ask them to turn it down, but the mother always brushed us off saying we should understand because we were latinx as well so we knew what cleaning day was all about.
Sometimes, she would play the music through the house speakers but off of her phone. So every time she got an email, text, or FB message, we would have to listen to her notification sounds. Since asking them to stop never worked, we would gather on Friday nights and try to figure out where to go on Saturdays. Mariachi music was the soundtrack to life if we were home for any length of time on Saturdays. It was horrible for us, but our friends found it hilarious. My spouse, kids, and I stayed for about six years. This happened every Saturday. That adds up to over 3,700 hours of enduring mariachi music that we had no control over. We've all since moved back out, but every now and then one of us will pop over for a Saturday visit and yup, they're still at it.
One Reddit user asked:
What's your 'worst neighbor ever' story?
And I thought to myself "no WAY anyone could have it worse than years of Mariachi Neighbor!" ... and i was somewhat right, but hey at least Mariachi Neighbor never reported us to the FBI as possible terrorists. So yeah, I'll take the small victory.
Here are some of the best/worst replies, edited for language or clarity where needed. Brace yourselves, there's a whole lot of awful here.
We Can't See Into Your Yard
Downhill neighbor had a wide-open view of our beautiful lower yard. They got a barky dog that they left in their backyard all day. Dog tore down our fence trying to get out and get to our dog. We built a new solid wood fence and then they complained that now that they couldn't see into our yard and that meant we must be spying on them from our yard. Whatever. Then they built a raised deck so that they could see over the fence. We planted a row of bamboo and haven't seen them since.
They called the building department about our fence. The building department came out, said it was legit, and cited them for their illegal deck.
Al Qaeda Sleeper Cell
When I was thirteen, a new neighbor moved into the house next door to mine (which we share a driveway with). Our neighborhood is really close and like to have get togethers and block parties, so we all got together and had a little celebration to welcome her. Immediately it became clear that she did not like my dad.
A while later we find out that she's been telling our neighbors that my dad was inappropriate to her at the party. I know dad would never act like that but he isn't a native English speaker (he's middle eastern which is relevant) and hey maybe some sort of wire got crossed and there was some kind of misunderstanding. So my dad goes to try and apologize to her. It does not go well and she tells my dad to leave which he promptly did.
Then she put up the security cameras. They absolutely covered her house getting views of pretty much every angle including lots of shots of our shared drive. "Whatever" we though. "A lady has a right to put cameras on her house."
Then the cops started showing up. She called them claiming we had messed with her cameras or that me and my friends were shining laser pointers into them. The cops would leave pretty quickly because the supposed crime involved a camera which somehow hadn't captured any evidence of the supposed crime.
Then she started claiming that we were poisoning her yard. She spent a lot of time in her lawn gardening and growing plants but for some reason every six months or so she'd cut everything down and start over. Anyways the cops started coming asking about our supposed poisoning of her lawn but they couldn't find any evidence. We didn't have any poison, her cameras hadn't picked anything up, and we had no motive to poison her lawn. So she started an inquest with the department of agriculture. A pesticide use investigator showed and and interrogated us then took samples from her yard.
While that was going on we had a few fun encounters with her. Once she bought a giant floodlight and pointed it into our windows in the middle of the night. The fire department had to come and unplug it. Another time, our dinner was interrupted when a massive hazmat truck came blaring down our street. Men in heavy gear poured out and charged into her house and then, minutes later disappointedly filed out. One guy came and told us that she had bought a Geiger counter and used it wrong and had thought that we had irradiated her house.
Finally things came to a head when she sued us to get an order of protection. She claimed that my dad was a member of an al Qaeda sleeper cell intent on destroying her. She also claimed that he had used his skills as an engineer to develop a device that she referred to as a white ion laser which would allow him to turn invisible and sneak into her house. She submitted one terabyte of film from her cameras all of which was annotated with such incriminating evidence as "He leaves the house. He enters the house." There were also tons of photos and notes.
It was here that we discovered that her cameras were pointed into my bedroom and had been filming me for years. I was a young lad by this point so there's probably video evidence of some pretty embarrassing teenage behavior out in the aether now. We later legally forced her to move the cameras but she kept moving them back, so I just kept my blinds closed for the better part of a decade.
During the trial, the department of agriculture report came back. It was determined that crazy neighbor has poisoned her own lawn by over fertilizing it. She received a fine for contaminating the ground water.
We obviously won the lawsuit and countersued her to get our own order of protection. We also had to legally get the files on us at the fbi and cia closed since she had reported us to both agencies.
Despite losing the suit, she continued to live next to us, occasionally calling the police on us or suing us again. All things accounted for, the cops were called on us 37 times, we were sued five times, and of course there were the investigations with various federal agencies.
It's now been ten years and she's finally moving out. Why you might ask. Does she feel guilty for accusing us of crimes with no evidence for a decade? Had her paranoia finally driven her to move? No. She didn't pay her property taxes for six years and her house got taken from her. She tried to sue the city on a bunch of occasions as well and failed. Womp womp.
Thou Shalt Not Kill
When I was 10, my neighbor -- an 80-something year old man with a Christian radio station -- shot and killed one of my dogs. When I went looking for my dog, I asked my neighbor if he had seen him.
He told me that he shot a dog like that this morning.
Frozen, I asked where he was so I could bury him. The old man told me that his body was in the dumpster and that he would shoot me too if I didn't get off his land.
I ran through the woods back to my house, screaming out loud in anger and punching trees until my knuckles were torn and bloody.
When I got home, I called the police and the K9 unit came out to my house. He retrieved my dog's body and I buried him.
The worst part was that my dog was very sweet (I know that generally sweet dogs can be threatening, but it was very against his nature) my neighbor had tied him up and broken all of his legs, then shot him point blank in the chest with a shotgun.
I have never felt more rage in my life. My mom took the man to court and he was charged with animal cruelty and the judge asked how much money I thought the dog was worth. I was dumbfounded and croaked out that I didn't want money -- I wanted my dog.
The neighbor was fined $500 and I made him pay it to the local humane society.
The man had the ten commandments posted all around his house, so the next night I took a red sharpie and circled "Thou Shalt Not Kill" on all of his signs.
I doubt anyone will see this comment, but damn... writing it was kind of therapeutic. My dog's name was Hershey, he was a mutt that was born in my bedroom -- he was only 2 years old and such a good boy.
Mom Dyed The Dog Purple
Had a neighbor who let his dog run free, it would get into our yard give our dogs fleas, eat all the food and teach them how to escape. No matter what my mom said the guy denied his dog was getting out. So being fed up with the situation my mom dyed the dog purple and sent it on its merry way. The neighbor kept his dog contained after that.
- note the dye was a nontoxic semi permanent dog dye. No harm came to the pupper.
Other People Can Hear You
My current neighbors are terrible.
It is an Indian couple that fight constantly. I have had to go over to their house and ask them to stop because they are loud enough I can hear them in my house. When they are not fighting, they are loudly having sex in their backyard. And I get it, it's their yard, they can do what they want. But loudly screaming "harder harder, f--- me" is not ok to do outside when other people can hear you. I have kids and now I have to keep a window open because of their behavior.
The woman saw my daughter at the neighborhood mailboxes and told her my wife was a slut and other nasty names.
I complained to my HOA, who I am sure advised them to knock it off. About two weeks after I complained, the police came to my house and said they had received information that I was a dealing cocaine.
To top it off, a large section of the fence between our properties is falling over due to a tree on their side of the fence having a branch growing into it. They refuse to cut the branch and also refuse to help pay to repair the fence.
It has gone on like this for almost a year.
I am moving in 6 weeks.
One neighbor in Florida was a known kleptomaniac, but he would steal the most random items around the neighborhood. When someone moved out of a house, he would dig up the plants from the yard and sell them online. We would just wake up one morning and all of the plants would be gone with the trail of dirt leading to his house. When his house foreclosed he stole all of the doors off their hinges before moving out. He stole another neighbor's bicycle when they left their garage door open. The owner knew it was the klepto so he just walked over to his house and took it back without calling the cops. We also later found out that he was going through a nasty divorce from his wife... who was once his therapist.
Impersonating A Federal Officer
There's a particular type of person who seems to feel like they're the only thing standing between society and complete collapse, and about seven years ago, my downstairs neighbor was one of them. She was aloof and paranoid, and she'd imagine threats from almost everywhere... which made the fact that she thought of herself as some kind of secret agent all the more annoying.
Said neighbor was always trying to find ways of getting me (and anyone else whom she thought of as suspicious) to move out of the building. She'd stage loud telephone calls with "headquarters" about the alarming behavior of the other tenants – like my tendency to get home after nine in the evening, which was clearly scandalous – and frequently yell at the people who'd stand on the corner to smoke. On one occasion, I heard her shouting at someone over the placement of a flowerpot in their window, which was obviously an indication that they were selling drugs.
Then, one afternoon, I found an "official notice" taped to a wall in the stairwell.
It was perhaps the most ridiculous attempt at a government-sponsored document that I'd ever seen, and I'm including the time that my friend Jonathan – then nine years old – made a flyer for bodyguard services. The atrocious grammar, poorly Photoshopped seal, and distinct absence of any legitimate contact information made the thing about as realistic as a scene from NCIS. Furthermore, the reference to "the past two years" seemed to indicate me as her primary target, since I was (as far as I knew) the only resident who had been there for less time than that.
Still, since the notice was clearly meant to scare someone, I decided to return the favor by taking a page out of my neighbor's own playbook. This led me to stand outside of her apartment while staging my own fake phone call:
"You should see the notice; it's terrible! Hah, yeah, it's like they didn't know that impersonating a federal official is a felony! Anyway, the real FBI are on their way, and they're going to dust for fingerprints. Whoever made that notice is looking at a lot of jail time!"
I went back inside my apartment after that... and within seconds, I heard my neighbor's door open. There was the sound of hurried footsteps rushing towards the stairwell, followed by an equally hurried retreat. When I went out to check five minutes later, the notice was gone.
I've since moved away, but for the rest of the time that I lived there, the lady never bothered me again.
Let A Jehova's Witness In My House
I used to have this obnoxious neighbor who invited herself over all the time. Multiple cars in the driveway- we must be having company over which meant free food for her. She would peek over the fence and see we were grilling and would come over to find out what was up.
My dad had a semi- trusting relationship with her and let her know where we kept a spare key should there be an emergency.
We walked in a couple times after being gone and found notes from her on the counter stating she had stopped by to chat but we weren't there. Which means she had used the spare key, gone into our house while we weren't there and probably snooped around and then left a note.
My dad mentioned to her how she wasn't to come in when we weren't there and she apologized. The next day there were brownies on the counter with a note that said sorry. She clearly disregarded what he said to bring us apology brownies!!
The last straw was when one day my dad had left the house and I was taking a shower. When I stepped out in just a towel and ran to the laundry room there was a random woman sitting on the couch. After freaking out I learned that she was a jehova's witness and was let in by my neighbor who apparently was snooping around while I was in the shower and just left the lady alone in my house.
My dad came home and changed all the locks that day and told her not to come over ever again. We also ignored her any time she knocked after that. She hated us after that and clearly thought all of her actions were completely normal.
Old Guy With Binoculars
We lived next door to this old man who sat in his front yard BLATANTLY just staring at us with binoculars. He only did it when my parents weren't home. When my mom confronted him he claimed we were lying. We weren't.
So one night we hear a noise outside and my mom pulls up the blind to find herself eye to eye with this old man trying to look into our window.
Years ago, my wife, kids, and I rented a townhouse.
We had been there for 4 years, and were on a month by month lease.
The owner told us that they would not be extending the lease because she was selling the unit. No big deal, but the lease ended in July and we were told this in May.
We scrambled, but were eventually able to find a great house in an excellent neighborhood to buy. It was during the housing crisis so we got a huge deal, too. Paid about $100K less than the neighbors.
Anyway, at the townhouse there were a few neighbors that would ogle my wife. I don't blame them, I mean, I wanna bang her too.
They were all married except one guy that I will call Brian because that's his name.
Brian was divorced a few times and had kids in their 20s that lived with him. He would constantly run outside if he saw my wife out there. He would mention to her that he saw her going to the store or to the mailbox or whatever. We had a community pool and he would see her going there with the kids and follow so he could hang out with her while she was in her bikini. It creeped her out so much she would wrap a towel around herself until she confirmed he wasn't at the pool.
I had to have words with him more than once about this.
Moving day comes and we haven't told any of the neighbors we are moving because why would we?
Brian comes over as we are loading the truck and asks my wife "Which one of you are moving out?"
I stop and tell him, deadpan as can be, "Both of us."
He was hoping it was a divorce situation so he could try to f*ck my wife.
~BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE~
I come home from a work trip one day and my wife tells me that Brian was driving past our house.
I don't know how he did it, but he found out where we live. We still live in the same city, so I reason he either saw my wife and followed her home one day or just drove around until he found us.
We live in a cul-de-sac. There is no fucking reason for him to be driving there. It's not like we're on the way to someplace.
Finally, My wife has my car because I have to take her's in for maintenance. The doorbell rings and who is it but Brian.
He is obviously stunned to see me answer the door and starts to stammer out some bullshit about why he's there.
He knows about my military time and what I was in the Army.
I tell him, in no uncertain terms, that if I ever see him near my home or my wife ever again that it will be the last thing he does on this Earth.
I make him acknowledge that he understands me and to tell me he will never come here again, and he scurries to his car and leaves as fast it it will take him.
It's been a few years and neither of us have seen Brian.
Every now and then I'll see a car I don't recognize on our cul-de-sace and I always look at the driver.
Just in case.
Short of having a shopping addiction, no one actually likes spending money on stuff.
Why would you ever willingly give it away? It's your money!
Which might be why it feels so bad when you have to spend money of something that should be free from the beginning. People/ corporations are going to chase that cheddar, though, so there's little you can do besides complain, which frankly might be the best thing the internet is for.
"What should be free?"
Let's get these out of the way first...No, let's get this first one out of the way first.
Hidden fees are the worst.
Hidden. F***ing. Fees.
"Transaction/processing fees when you order a digital product online. Such as a concert ticket, where you pay 6 euro extra while you pay online, and have to print the ticket yourself."
"Or processing fees to pay bills that you need. Duke energy charges a $7 processing fee for you to pay your energy bill. Like wtf."
Pay To Pee
"Public bathrooms! The amount of human piles of poop around because the homeless have no where to relieve themselves!"
"Live in a very tourist-y part of the U.K., all public toilets charge and most cafes/pubs/libraries won’t let people use their toilets. As someone who lives here year round it’s really frustrating and doesn’t seem to make sense."
Want A Better Society? Educate Them.
"College. Or at the very least, college APPLICATIONS. If you're gonna require it for most careers, atleast make it accessible for people. And I just think it's stupid that people have to pay to get rejected."
"Oh god I hate that so much. Same with applying to apartments it’s such a waste of money if you don’t get approved. It racks up quickly too."
It does feel grimy when "official documentation" that is "mandatory" has to be bought and paid for not by the people requiring it, but by the people needing it.
Forcing Us To Pay For Something We're Forced To Have
"ID cards issued by the government. Especially since you need them for almost every aspect of daily living."
"I'm not the biggest fan of free stuf but having to pay for a piece of paper that says "I exist" is ridiculous."
It'll never not feel bad having to pay for something we expect to be free, but it feels ten times worse when it's something you need to get by in life. As in, need to live.
Let's All Agree To Take Care Of Each Other
"All base needs up to a level. I mean stuff we need to survive, eg. power, water,... and things we are required to use to be relevant in daily life internet,..."
"Seeing how now power companies are fuel companies are having THE biggest profit in years while more and more families are pushed into bigger and bigger deths just to get by."
"Same goes for internet tbh, poor kids are just not getting by in school becasue they lack the basic stuff every other kid has to get further in life. I am not saying they need the fastest possible internet with unlimited dl, but give them so they can work for school so the vicious cycle can be broken."
We Need It More Than Anyone
"All mental health services. If you don’t have benefits or a VERY good paying job, they are unaffordable for how often most people really need them. At $120-160/ session even once a week is not affordable for most people these days"
A Fine Line Between Need And Want
"Drinking water, sure. But water is an expendable resource and it should honestly be more restricted when we think about cases like people watering their lawns."
Paying To Live
"Insulin. People are dying because of greedy pharmaceutical companies."
"But We're 'Pro-Life'" - Jerks
"Birth control of all kinds."
"For anyone who b*tches about spending taxpayer money, I'd ask whether it costs more to provide condoms or to house prisoners."
"Giving birth (In the us)"
"As a female US citizen the more I learn about the whole giving birth sh*t the less I want kids. My friend just had a baby, there were some complications. She is now paying off a 14k hospital bill! The lowest I have hears is 8k. 8k just to have a f-cking kid! For a country that is gung-ho about forcing women to have kids they have missed the mark completely."
Everyone is looking for their payout, and unfortunately sometimes we're the ones who have to give it to them, whether it makes sense or not.
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The worst part of having breasts is Florida.
I didn't even say large breasts. Just breasts, any breasts. Florida and breasts are mortal enemies sworn to battle one another into oblivion until the end of days.
In other states, you and your ladies can live a more peaceful life. Here in Florida, it's A Song of Sweat And Fire Ants.
Ever get tiny little jellyfish stuck under your side-boob? Happens here all the time.
Bikinis should come with a "Sand Lice, Your Titty Crease, And You" informational pamphlet.
Wanna jog? Hope you accounted for the fact that the air is soup and will chafe and cauterize your nipples.
Know what limits your field of vision, making you more likely to accidentally step on a snake and/or gator? Boobs.
Know what slows you down as you try to escape the angry reptile from the above paragraph? Also boobs.
Reddit user Saibotnl1 asked:
"What's the most negative thing about having boobs?"
Now take all this stuff they said sucked, and then put it inside of a steam oven filled with mosquitos. That's Florida.
And Florida is incompatibile with breasts.
Cardio Is HardioGIF by VIASWEATGiphy
"I love them but running can be a nuisance even in a good sports bra."
"When I go to work, there is a woman that usually runs on the shoulder of the road. I gasp at how much her boobs bounce. Isn't that doing damage to tissue? Painful?"
"Yes! I literally always hold mine when going up/down stairs so they dont bounce. Running is uncomfortable even with a good bra :/ "
"If it's a sports bra that holds you, it's so tight that it's impossible to get into or out of without a whole team of people like a pit crew."
"If you can comfortably get into it, it won't hold the girls for long."
"Cardio is just not worth all this."
"As a kid I wasn't fit enough for jump rope, but now that I'm older and have the big boobies it feels even more impossible to ever indulge in."
Literally In The Way
"They get in the way!!"
"Lately I've been getting frustrated with exercise. My personal trainer will say to hold something a certain way and I'll try but it's so uncomfortable because my boobs are completely in the way."
"She has small boobs so she doesn't account for them being in that space right in front of your chest."
"My English teacher in 10th grade was drinking water one day when a few drops landed on his shirt. He then complained about getting older and how he never stuck out far enough to get his shirt wet."
"I just sighed."
"4th grade. 4th grade is when I stuck out too much to avoid drips."
"So very much this."
"I refuse to do mountain climbers when my trainer suggests it, she started to get mad saying it's a great exercise. My retort was that I'd really rather not knee myself in the breasts as part of my workout."
"The lady has small boobs and replied that she had never thought of that!"
"Probably growing them."
"It hurts, and if you get big boobs young and quickly, it’s both physical and social agony."
"It hurts to grow them, first of all, your chest aches and bumping them against anything really hurts - and since they’re a sudden, large addition to your body, you’re ALWAYS bumping them on stuff."
"But the social aspect is worse."
"Your female family members comment on them slyly and smirk at your response."
"Your male friends look at you weird and you have to realize they see you as more sexual than girls with smaller chests, even though you literally cannot control this."
"Other girls can be nasty and jealous."
"Eventually I learned to manage all this and I like having breasts now; but from like 11-16 I was so frustrated and upset that I had developed them at all."
Two Volcanosrachael ray boob sweat GIF by First We Feast: Hot OnesGiphy
"The sweat and itch!"
"Also that they're like two volcanos, which isn't especially practical during summers or when you're a constantly hot temperatured person anyway."
"No matter what I try, the skin under my boobs never cools down!"
"Boob sweat is the bane of my existence when it's even a little bit hot outside - and sometimes even when it's not lol..."
"I hate the feeling of sweat on my boobs. I just put tissue between and underneath my boobs to hopefully absorb the sweat so it won’t start to itch and drip."
"I STILL am not able to remove them after a long day. Why?!"
"Why can't I just set em aside for the night, all done. Why hasn't technology advanced to this possibility yet??"
"Absolutely they would. The relief we would get ... oh my god it sounds divine."
"Maybe I wouldn’t be so b*tchy."
"I’d honestly probably only wear them for ren faire, and leave them at home the rest of the year."
"The double standard of girls with small chests and big chests."
"If you have a big chest no matter what you wear or do it's sexual. But for girls with smaller chests they can get away with crop tops or v necks or even swim suits."
"Lol the bigger girls who spent their entire grade school years getting sent to the principal's office for breaking dress code will agree with you."
"Loose shirts will tent and billow up in the wind as you walk-- dress coded."
"Tight shirts that don't tent but cling to your chest-- dress coded."
"And don't even think about anything but a crew neckline, or you'll be dress coded again."
"I always got in trouble for wearing dresses in school, but skinny Minnie wearing something even worse gets by no problem just because she doesn't fill it out the way I do."
ExpensiveHappy Music Video GIF by DJ MustardGiphy
"Bras are expensive and you need regular bras, sports bras, probably something special like a strapless or low back if you have a special occasion or something."
"And don't even get me started on women's healthcare ..."
"Stage 4 breast cancer patient here, and it costs me about an extra $5000/yr to stay alive if everything goes well."
"I just stopped breastfeeding and none of my bras fit anymore."
"I’ve just been wearing sports bras every day because I don’t even know what cup size I am anymore and I don’t want to spend a fortune replacing all of my bras."
"Plus if you choose not to wear bras for any number of reasons, you’re treated as deviant or an acceptable target of inappropriate attentions."
"Laying on your stomach can be tricky."
"Laying on your back can be tricky as well."
"And on your side."
"Just laying in general with big boobs is a hassle."
"However women in my life have found it difficult to get a decent back massage because of this. I've seen plenty of massage tables with head holes, but none with boob support..."
"Semi-suffocating yourself on the beach while trying to get some sun on your back is fun."
"The fact that I look like a walking refrigerator if I wear a loose fitting top, as it billows shapelessly around my body in an odd fabric rectangle."
"But if I wear something form fitting, I look like a lady of the night and am treated as such."
"OMG this !!"
"I feel like all my girlfriends around me have such a fashion sense and can wear things with such grace but I always look as you’ve described. Like either I look like a couch pillow or Jessica Rabbit."
"Sometimes I just want to cut them off honestly."
"Yeah I’ve been wanting a reduction since a was a teen because of the back pain and catcalling, and many people I know with a bigger chest feel the same way."
"I had no idea women hated their boobs so much! It honestly is shining a light on an idea I have never thought of."
Attempted MurderBlack Woman Breast Cancer Awareness GIF by Know Your GirlsGiphy
"They might try to kill me."
"Breast cancer runs in my family and I have to have my first mammogram this year at 36."
"My mom was negative for both BRCA genes but there are 6 others they’ve discovered since she had cancer that we haven’t been tested for."
"Insurance won’t cover me to test unless she tests positive for one."
"Fun fun fun."
"My mom died from breast cancer at 46. I started getting mammograms at 34."
"Luckily, I took the BRCA test and was negative."
"Constantly being sexualized."
"I’m the least sexual person but people assume I’m super sexual because of my body. And I hate it"
"Yup, I'm ace and I honestly just want them chopped off to be rid of the constant sexualization of my body."
"It makes me really uncomfortable."
"My friend in elementary school had a condition where she went into puberty super early and had large breasts by 3rd grade."
"We would walk together to elementary school every morning and get cat called a lot, but we were too afraid to tell our parents because we thought they wouldn't let us walk together anymore."
"She would have teachers make comments about them."
"When we were older she talked about how insanely awful and alienating it made her feel growing up. Her younger sister had the same condition, but went on puberty blockers for it."
"These pendulous bags of hell have destroyed my back."
"Even a decade after a reduction surgery, I remain in daily pain. And now as an added bonus they get to be misshapen, scarred horribly, and completely useless for raising a baby."
"I didn’t realize how heavy they are until I got together with girl with big boobs and woooooow they are heavy!"
"I got C cups in fifth grade and those f*ckers went all the way to G by senior year."
"My posture was/is awful and I've felt like an old woman since I was a teenager. I don't even want babies, so they're never actually gonna be useful either."
See what I mean?
They're kind of awful once they hit a certain size, and that size is pretty much ANY size if you're in Florida.
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There are humane ways to tell someone to go home after a... liaison.
How can one be so rude after being so intimate?
I'm not saying you have to snuggle and profess love, but damn, a quick... "thanks, I hope life is kind to you" goes a long way.
Redditor sumyungdood wanted to hear the tea about the times they had to tell a lover to take a hike. They asked:
"What is the worst way someones asked you to leave after sex?"
Tell me your worst. Mine our stories where I had find my clothes in the dark and sneak out naked.
A Late RunTom Hanks Running GIFGiphy
"Asked if he could drive my car to the gas station to buy cigarettes and when he came back he told me he left my keys in the car and it was running."
"An old friend invited me over for her famous beef stew. I got there, we fool around, had sex, then right after she handed me a tupperware of the stew and said 'you got sex and stew, now please leave.' Still not sure if that's the worst way I was kicked out or the best."
"Most of the people here didn’t get stew. You did okay!"
'is it that obvious'
"Went home with a girl from the bar. After we had sex, she said something like 'soooo... think you can get an Uber now? If not, I GUESS you can sleep on the couch for a few hours.' Here I was, sitting on some random girl's couch trying to find an Uber at 4 AM. Mercifully I did find one and when the guy picked me up he said 'so, your hookup kick you out?' I said 'is it that obvious' and he replied 'you weren't the first one I drove back to their car tonight and you probably won't be the last.'"
YummyHungry Taco Bell GIFGiphy
"Go grab some Taco Bell. You can eat it on your way home. Honestly it was better than the sex. And I don't even like Taco Bell that much."
I hate Taco Bell. And since reading this... I hate people.
Mrs. Robinson?Seduce Dustin Hoffman GIF by Top 100 Movie Quotes of All TimeGiphy
"She lit a cigarette, then looked at me for like 20 seconds, and said 'Well, bye.' I just got dressed and left. Never saw her again."
And you are?
"While dozing off, he gently tapped my shoulder, and said: 'Maribel, you can’t stay here.'"
"My name is not Maribel."
"See this is what happens when you don’t let people talk about Bruno."
"He got off me and started looking at pictures of other women on Instagram, and commenting on how much more attractive they were than me and told me 'oh yeah you can go now.' We were best friends for like two years up until that moment."
"I’m open minded but this is exactly why I often don’t trust male friendships. You could even be a lesbian and one moment of vulnerability they may take advantage of that. I know it’s unrelated but your experience made me upset and I’m sorry you had to go through that."
"He rolled over, grabbed his phone, and without even looking at me said 'find your clothes, you know where the door is' and just laid there on his phone ignoring me while I gathered my clothes and left. He tried texting me a few days later because he was drunk and horny so I told him 'you know where your hand is' and blocked him."
GrossParis Hilton Reaction GIFGiphy
"We were good friends for a few years before hooking up after a night of drinking."
"Halfway through sex he told me he can't actually do this because he wanted to get back with his ex and can't mess it up because she's the hottest girl he'll ever be with. He lived in the middle of nowhere and I couldn't leave until the morning so he made me sleep on the couch."
Wow. Some people are truly disgusting. How do you treat other humans this way?
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Most couples are inseparable and enjoy doing everything together, thanks in part to shared mutual interests.
But on occasion, some people in relationships go off in pursuit of one-sided pleasures in secret for various reasons.
These can range from going out to a vegan restaurant when the other person is a carnivore to seeing a Netflix show that is too violent for a squeamish significant other.
Because not every significant other may not share the same passion, Redditors TheTinRam asked:
"What’s a guilty pleasure you hide from your significant other?"
These Redditors needed some "me time."
"Everytime I go on a late night grocery run (once or twice a month) because I work nights, and my wife forgot to grab whatever, I add a $0.70 Mexican soda to the cart. It is just for me. It is something my dad used to get me on especially long days when I was a kid 'helping' him on jobsites. It is my tiny reminder of him."
Story For No One
"I write stories for years now, some of the times she thinks I'm working on the computer but I'm actually writing a story. There is nothing to hide but I just keep it to myself, none of my family members know I write stories. Till today I have written 56 stories (most of them are short)."
In The Wee Small Hours Of The Morning
"Staying up late for peace and quiet."
Chatting For One
"I talk to myself all the time, I was actually wondering last night if it was a really weird thing to do lol"
Naked And Sacred
"I will cruise the house butt naked and just do whatever the hell I want. About once a month. I won’t be able to this summer because the kids will be back in school, but come August, I’ll be naked and free again!"
Some people need to get out of the house.
"Sometimes I take the long way home and talk to myself in the car about my 'problems' - like Self Therapy. I put one earbud in so ppl think I could be on the phone."
"I get quite animated. It helps to get a stressful day out of my system before I get home and switch gears."
"My husband has gluten sensitivity. If he eats regular pizza, his stomach hurts for a couple of days after."
"Well, I don't, so sometimes I say I'm going for a run, and I do run.... to the pizza store, eat a slice, and run back."
Catching Up With The Boys
"Covid has messed it up for a bit now. But every 3 or so months the boys and I all get up like we are going to work at our respective jobs but instead all call in sick and meet for breakfast, then go back to our one buddies place for the day to hangout. Around 4 or 5 one by one we all head home for our normal arrival time."
"It's literally the only way for us all to get together reliably. Most of us have known each other for the better part of 30 years now, going way back to junior kindergarten for some."
"Twice I have let her know my plan for the day and twice I have gotten phone calls to come home early for what ever not some emergency. So now we do it secretly."
Some of the things people do behind their SO's backs is for endearing reasons.
"I don’t know if this is a guilty pleasure necessarily but I pretend to be asleep when he comes home from work because he always kisses me on the forehead."
"I love when she snores."
"She complains (only lightly) about my snoring all the time, and I always feel awful that I make it tricky for her to get a good night's sleep. When she's snoring, I know she's actually going to rest well, and it makes me happy."
Scent Of A Man
"Smelling his clothes. Not creepily, like his boxers. But when he lets me borrow a shirt or a sweater I’ll put it on and just revel in the smell of him on his clothes. If I recall correctly, it definitely wasn’t like this when we first started dating. It’s been over two years now and I only remember doing this around the 7 month mark. He smells really, really good."
The Forever Admirer
"I have a whole album of 'unflattering' pictures of her. Not really something I hide, but they make me happy. She’s so silly yet so beautiful."
They say that a couple that plays together, stays together.
That's all well and good. However, a significant other having some alone time should never be stigmatized.
My husband and I usually watch every TV show together, but I watch Netflix's Ozark by myself because I enjoy intense dramas, immensely.
It's not a secret. And he's glad I watch the shows that I want to watch on my own time–just like I encourage him to watch all those UFO documentaries that he's obsessed with, by himself.
No really, watch them without me.
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