Have you heard of the expression "Throw the spaghetti at the wall and see what sticks?"
It's a pretty tried and true method of adulthood. By now we have all acknowledged that there are no "real" adults and nobody has any idea what they're doing. Which is refreshing, because now we can all laugh about it!
Reddit user NSalonga26 asked the internet at large:
Here are some of those answers.
Bob-ing for Jobs
A guy we'll call Bob left the company I was at. A year or two later he started recruiting people from our company, I was interested so I flew out for an interview.
First five interviews went great. Seemed like a good group to work with. The final interview was with the HR director. It went okay and then we got to the pay part. I said I wanted X amount. She said the average pay for my experience and position was X - 20k.
My response was "Bob didn't fly me out here because I'm average,"
I have no idea why I said that, but I got the job and the pay I wanted.
Months later when we were getting drinks Bob brought that up. Apparently HR director thought I was very quiet and introverted from our interview so my response caught her even more off guard than it caught me. SardinesGivePower
Different Tools, Same Result
Used an electric palm sander to clean the soap scum out of my tub. Put a sponge right on the bottom and turned that bad boy on.
I thought my tub was just naturally eggshell color, nope. It's pure white. RedditforLent
If I'm Dyin' I'm Lyin'
A very confused patient was fighting me when I was trying to give him IV antibiotics.
"YOU'RE GOING TO KILL ME, WHAT IS MY FAMILY GOING TO DO IF YOU KILL ME?!" he wailed while pointing at his adult son.
"If I kill you, they can sue me and the hospital and be rich," I said.
The man just kinda made an "oh yeah" kind of mumble and let me hook him up to the IV. His son was trying so hard not to laugh! kayquila
Who's Gonna Notice?
I once got fired from a job at the grocery store. I really needed money though, and no other place was hiring, so a week later I just showed up and started doing my job as usual. No one said anything, and I got my pay at the end of the week like normal, and I stayed at that job till I quit a year later. Octofriend
Tree & Sympathy
I had a test coming up and, needless to say, I didn't want to take it. So, nine year-old me decides to jump out of a tree and fake being hurt. I didn't go to school for the next two days.
I realize now that I could've just said that I fell out of a tree, I didn't have to actually do it. epher95
Trick The Technology
My first edition PS3 stopped working in 2011. It would turn on, but would never read a disc. About 6 months ago, I randomly found a video on YouTube with like 120 views that was basically a 12 yo kid showing how if you lift the PS3 vertically when loading a disc, it'll start to read. I tried it and boom that sh*t worked. ironjatt
My first vehicle was a 1985 dodge ram that had around 300k miles on it. Needless to say, it wasn't exactly reliable.
Anyway, my friend and I had tickets to go see a concert in a city that was about 3 hours away. We made it there just fine and had a blast at the concert. We couldn't afford to stay overnight so we started on the long journey home. If all went well, we would get home around 3AM.
There was one stretch of highway where there was 60 ish miles between towns. It's pretty much the worst place to break down on that journey. There were big signs warning travelers to fill up with gas before leaving town, but I had half a tank. My truck sputtered out and died almost halfway between the two towns. It sure sounded like I ran out of gas but the gauge still showed half a tank. All had not gone well.
So there we were - 1:45 AM, stuck on the side of the highway in Texas, 30 miles from the nearest towns, no moonlight, and this was before teenagers had cell phones. We were screwed. After a bit of poking around with a flashlight, we discovered that we did have fuel but the fuel pump had died. We decided to sleep in the truck and mess with it in the morning.
On those old dodge trucks, the fuel pump was inside the engine instead of in the fuel tank like a modern vehicle. It was powered by the engine instead of an electric motor. Essentially, the fuel pump would constantly pump gasoline when the engine was running and gas would always be available for the carburetor float valve. The extra pumped gas would just go back into the gas tank.
I was just drifting off to sleep when I got an idea. I worked for almost an hour in the pitch dark. I used some extra hose from an agricultural fertilizer, a drink straw, screw clamps, and duck tape to rig the windshield fluid pump to pump fuel from the fuel line into the carburetor float line.
I got in my truck, hit the windshield fluid lever, and the truck started right up. It took a bit of trial and error but I was able to get the timing down where I knew how often to hit the lever to keep the truck running.
We made it back home just after 4:30AM. My dad wasn't immediately amused with my handy work, but he told all of his friends how clever his son was so I guess it passed the dad test. Nevermind04
I Don't Guana Go
To get out of an after-hours work event, I came up with the quickest thing I could think of and told my boss that my iguana was sick and I had to get to the pet store to pick up his medication before they closed.
I don't have an iguana.
The next day I changed my desktop background to a photo of someone else's iguana. People kept asking me for weeks how my iguana was doing. dudecephus
High School Sweethearts
In high school, I told a girl who was way out of my league, "You should give me your number."
She asked, "Why would I do that?"
I said, "Because if I just dial randomly, it will take forever to call you..."
Waited to be shot down. But she laughed...and gave it to me! We were together for seven years. relativex
Dad Points: 80,000
My son was living nearby and had locked himself out of his room. He called me for help. During my many assignments in the military, I was once stationed with a guy who was also a locksmith. Incessantly told me about locks, lockpics, tumblers, etc.
So I show up at my son's apartment, armed with a basic knowledge about how locks work and two paper clips. I half-straightened them out. Used one to flick the tumblers and the other to pull at the bottom of the lock to turn it. Two minutes later, I was in.
My son says 'Holy sh*t, you did it!' Got serious dad points for that one. OldGuyGeek
Mine is both a little silly, and recent.
I was using a trial version of a plugin suite for some software I was using (it's a trial that you can activate, or it just dies after 30 days if you use 'Trial' for the key), contemplating buying because it was so expensive. This suite of plugins for a video editing product cost $1000. i wasn't considering buying the $1000 suite. I just wanted one of the plugins that comes with it that cost $400 as a stand alone
As I was contemplating, I started poking around for tutorials. i found one by the author. i was a complete tutorial including the license activation.
During the video he showed how to enter the code.. I thought "there's no way.... Screw it, I'm going to try"
I paused the video, wrote down the number he used in the video and clicked 'activate'
it activated the entire suite.... mindzipper
When I was younger I was into magic and thought I invented a magic trick that used subliminal messaging to get someone to pick a card.
I secretly turned the two of hearts over in the deck, and handed it to the kid my mom was watching.
I asked my mom to name any card, then I said to the kid:
"You too, [name of kid], whatever card is in your heart."
Trying to get him to say the two of hearts.
To my disbelief he actually said the two of fucking hearts. I didn't touch the deck for the entire trick and told him to go through it and he saw his selection turned over. I was in just as much amazement as he was. Nantoone
Duping The Teacher
In school, I belatedly realised I had an essay due the next day, which I simply didnt have the time to do.
What I did have time to do was write slightly more than a page. I then printed only the first, full page, and handed this in, inside a plastic wallet. I then finished the essay at home that night.
So, the next day, when my teacher grabs me in the corridor and says You realise you only have me the first page of your essay, right?, I was able to say Oh, shoot, the rest must have fallen out or something. Ill go print it out right now and bring it to your office. batty3108
Eight Hour Delay
I once showed up eight hours late for work. My company was trying out this crazy three shift schedule that would change every day, but there was no order to the scheme. If you didn't check what the manager put out that day, no one knew when they should be at work the next day. So after a hard shift I forget to check that bad boy, and when I came in the next day expecting to arrive at the shift change, everyone was at their desks working away. Someone sees me and asks, "Hey did you get moved to this shift?" I picked up a clipboard and said, "No, just here to...inspect." I spent about ten minutes walking around the office just nodding or scribbling notes before I went home. Not only did I not work that day, one of the managers thought it was awesome that someone was checking up on projects. saltnotsugar
i have a verizon center STAFF lanyard that a buddy gave to me from some concert 10 or 12 years ago. it literally says nothing but "verizon center" and "STAFF." white letters on a black background, and then has a small bar code and some illegible jibberish on the other side. it could be entirely fake, as i've never seen anyone else use one like it.
so far, 3 free concerts and one free NBA game. half-afraid to keep using it, especially since the arena changed its name. i can't get anyone else in with it, so while i can literally go anywhere, i have to do it alone, which is much less fun. cubs_070816
Duping The Teacher, Part Deux
In college, I was taking a class not at all related to my major, because I needed a few credits. We had a professor who was kind of a hardass, along with a delightfully scatterbrained old-guy assistant professor. One of our assignments was to write a paper, which I put off and then ended up not doing.
Of course, I had to do the paper in order to pass. So eventually I got around to writing it, weeks after the due date. After the class where everyone's papers were returned to them, I went up to the professor - with assistant professor also present - and explained that I had handed in the paper a day or two late, but had indeed handed it to the assistant professor in the hall one day, and was just wondering if I'd be getting mine back? Assistant professor actually said that he remembered me handing it to him and that he must have misplaced it.
So I offered to print it off again and bring it with me to the next class. Which I did, and I passed. In hindsight it was all way more work than just doing it when I was supposed to, but I was a stupid lazy ass in those days. -Listening-
Back in secondary school I had to take Business Studies, which was easily my most hated subject. I just found it so intensely boring, I couldn't help but fall asleep in every class without fail.
This was a small country school in rural Ireland, so our class only had about 20 students. Falling asleep was pretty risky since it wouldn't be difficult for someone to notice. On top of that, I sat in the first row, right in front of my easily-agitated teacher, who regularly lost her temper with students and would often loudly discipline them for even the smallest infractions.
That day I'd nodded off as usual, only to be jarred awake by my friend sharply elbowing me in the rib. I didn't have time to express my surprise before I realised that the teacher had asked me a direct question and was waiting for a response.
Since I'd not heard her query at all and therefore had idea what her question even was, I snapped out of my dream and groggily mumbled "Uh, it means... they're not... doing their jobs... properly?"
My teacher's face lit up as she broke into a rare smile. "Yes, exactly! I'm so glad someone here has been paying attention."
Over 15 years later and still amazed I got away with it. LadyGagarin
Exploiting The Web
Moved in to a new house, got my first municipal water bill at the new address. Didn't want to go out and buy stamps. Figured, "hey, I'll pay online, excellent!" only to find out that the fucking website wanted me to put in the dollar amount of my previous water bill when signing up with an online account. I tried the current and only water bill I had, no luck, came back with an error.
So I said fuck it, let's see if they're sanitizing their database inputs: put a * in for the value and tried again. Success, it let me in, I paid my bill.
For the uninitiated, the reason this works is because their website was literally taking the information I was putting in to the website, and without looking for special characters or malicious code, querying the database with that directly using a language called SQL. In SQL, the * is a wildcard, so their sql query probably looks something like "select ACCOUNT from ACCOUNT_TABLE where USERNAME = <user_provided_username> AND ADDRESS = <user_provided_address> AND PREVIOUS_BILL_AMOUNT = <user_provided_value>" (edit: yes DBAs of Reddit, I'm aware that this is a gross oversimplification, the billing stuff is going to be in another table) - I had the first two, of course, but the last one I just gave it a * and, because they're not checking for stupid shit like this, it worked and I could see what I needed to to add the house to my account - bypassing their security entirely. Odds are good I could have just put *s for all the fields and seen who lives at every address, and their previous water bills.
I emailed them shortly thereafter saying that it was a security hole. No response.
A few years later I moved again. I had my account, but to set up said online account's connection with the new address... you guessed it, they wanted me to put in the value of my previous month's bill. Fuck it, let's see if they patched this sh*t... nope! * still worked. Mnementh2230
I went to NYC for fashion week with a boutique I was working for. After the fashion show we attended everyone wanted to go out clubbing. Me, being young and new, I didn't want to be the buzzkill. So I went with them even though I was only 18. Arriving at the first club we were allowed to skip the line because we knew people and we get to the bouncer. He's going one by one checking everyone's ID's and I'm sweating bullets. When he got to me we just looked at each other.... He goes "ID" and I freeze and for some reason I said "man I already showed you mine" and til this day I don't know if he was being nice or just didn't want to look stupid but he let me in. Needless to say I got hammer off 18$ mixed drinks because f*** it right? BrennanDunlap
Going Under The Fun Limit
The time I avoided getting in trouble by being really boring.
About 6 years ago I was at my ex-girlfriends house on a sunday. Behind her house was a service center for city vehicles. So since it was a government building it was closed on Sundays. Behind the main building was a trail that you can walk down for a couple minutes and get into a subdivision.
so me and my ex decide to drive down to the head of the trail behind the building and try out the mini bong I had recently purchased. So we pull up and I take the bong out and I am holding it out the window pouring a bit of water into it when I look into my mirror.
There is a fucking cop car 15 feet behind me flying up and here I am dangling a bong out the window in front of them.
I bring the bong back in and throw it under my seat and pushing a sweater on top it. The cop car has now pulled up right behind me and two cops are dashing up to the side of the car.
"WHAT'S GOING ON HERE, you can't be back here. It is trespassing" said the cop on my side of the car.
"Oh hey officer... we were just.. going geocaching"
"what's that now?"
"geocaching sir.. umm here look" and I take my hiking GPS out of the dash and show it to him.
I then go into a 10 minute long spiel about geocaching and what it's all about and I am super dry about the whole thing.
my speech ends and im looking at him and he just says.
"ok then.... welp.. have a nice day"
"uhhh should I leave sir? you said this was tresspassing"
"whatever don't worry about it"
and both cops got in the car and left.
No idea how that worked. TonyHxC
The key to any successful relationship is communication.
The ability to be open and receptive to what a significant other has to say, as well as the ability to be able to convey something weighing on one's mind, can be healing.
But depending on the circumstance, some things are better left unsaid.
Curious to hear examples of what those might be, Redditor FamiliarFarmer8356 asked:
"What's something you wish you could tell your partner without upsetting them?"
If there is conflict, there is a way to discuss and address the issue in a civil and respectful manner.
Things Just Happen
"Every bad thing that happens doesn't require someone to be blamed for it. And that someone doesn't always have to be me."
A Cornerstone Of A Successful Union
"One of the cornerstones of a good marriage, is knowing how to argue. I’d actually say that before a couple get married, they should check how their potential partner behaves in an argument. What are they like when they get angry. It’s important because no two individuals are going to agree all the time. And on those occasions, it’s important to remember not to belittle the other. Deal with the issue at hand. And especially, don’t argue in front of the kids. You have no idea how much lasting damage this causes."
"All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest - never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principles of equal partnership."
It's Not That Deep
"please stop complaining about everything."
"If you keep seeking out reasons to be miserable, you will find them."
"I'm tired of being dragged down with you."
There's no need to get defensive when there's something to discuss.
It's Not About You
"That some days I’m just tired from class and work and just want some me time, it’s not that I hate you my social battery is just running out."
"Her first reaction to something adverse doesn't have to be anger."
In The Words Of A Pirate
"In the wise words of captain Jack Sparrow sometimes:"
'the problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude toward the problem.'
It Takes Two To Tango
"That I wish she’d be more independent so she didn’t need my help for everything outside the house."
"That it’s a little disturbing how aggressively he drives when he’s grumpy… heavy on both gas and brakes, zooming in and out of traffic, swearing at people who make mistakes… very unlike him."
Sometimes the truth hurts when talking about members of the family.
A Real Assessment
"That her mother is not a good person."
"I told my husband that it's not that his family is nosy and overbearing, it's that I hate watching him cave and negotiate as if they have a right to behave like this, and I really hate when I'm the bad guy for wanting reasonable limits."
"It got worse, then it got better, FYI."
"His parents are greedy, selfish people and treat him like an atm."
There's definitely a fine line between withholding your thoughts to protect the person you love and being brutally honest.
If coming clean isn't going to resolve an issue, then it might be better to suck it up and deal with whatever frustrations you have about the other person.
It's up to you, but make sure the delivery doesn't come from a place of rage if you do decided to be totally transparent about your negative thoughts.
Every family has a black sheep or every family in its entirety are black sheep.
What is a "black sheep" anyway?
It used to mean a person who brought shame or embarrassment to a family, but it's more often used now to mean the member who is just very different from everyone else—sometimes in a good way.
Redditor Frozen_yoghurt123 asked:
"Who is the 'black sheep' of your family?"
I'm the black sheep or at least I'd like to think so.
"Probably my dad's cousin, who went to prison for murdering his lover's husband."
DW_555Oh My Wow GIFGiphy
"My Dad. He is the only one of 6 siblings who wasn't a huge f**k up. And yet, before my Grandma died she stated that he was her 'biggest disappointment.' He is estranged from his surviving siblings... not by his choice. It honestly blows my mind."
"Toxicity is often a group mindset thing; people don't want you to leave because they are dysfunctionally co-dependent on each other and need each other to justify their own shortcomings in life. A lot of the 'family loyalty' stuff is typically shouted loudest by those who are the least good idea to stay loyal towards."
"My great uncle who stole my great grandfathers identity, stole a couple million dollars, and ran off. No one even knew he was alive until my great grandfathers funeral in 2009. No one has seen him since. My grandma started to cry because she honestly thought he was dead."
"Everyone else just kind of nodded on his direction and went on with the rest of the funeral. I just remember being very confused because I was 9 and I had never met this guy who my dad pulled me aside and told me he was my great uncle. It was a few years later that I got the full story."
"According to my mean aunt, the 'matriarch' in her own mind, it's my twin brother because "he doesn't care about family now that he's a doctor." (He's a resident. Chief resident. He works ridiculous hours and spends the rest of the time recovering from work.)"
"According to my ex-MIL (who still counts because she's Son's grandma), it's me, for divorcing her son."
"According to everyone else, it's Mean Aunt. The rest of us are warm and caring and compassionate. We have our moments; all of us have been accidentally thoughtless or done something selfish once in a while, but we're not deliberately mean and snarky all the time."
"My immediate family are the black sheep of the entire family."
DarthDreganJohn Stamos Cheers GIF by GrandfatheredGiphy
Sounds like everyone has a little black sheep in them.
"By now, my brother for cutting off everyone because he prefers his rude, selfish, paranoid, narcissist wife over all of us."
"My wife is the black sheep of her family in the sense that she's the only one who isn't a rude, selfish, paranoid narcissist."
Lvcivs2311Joe Dirt Brother GIFGiphy
"Me. My granddaddy told me 'I’ve only had the sheriff knock on my door two times in my 80 years, and both times he was looking for you! 'I did some dumb sh*t, caused a little trouble, burned a few bridges but always managed to stay out of jail. Partly because my sister has kept an attorney on retainer for me since I was 16."
"My younger brother (2nd of 4) is a compulsive liar and it got him in a lot of little trouble as a teen, then he told his wife he graduated a big college when we're not even sure if he got his GED because he failed to graduate HS, went to some GED school and eventually just stopped going."
"IF he graduated college, he never mentioned he was going in the 4+ years it takes nor mention graduation or have a diploma. He's not a bad dude, but now family time is super awkward when he and his wife are talking about 'their' college team."
The NOT good girl...
"My aunt's daughter. She’s been in jail for drugs, stolen money from my aunt and other family members to use on drugs and physically abused my aunt. My aunt has tried getting her help, but nothing has worked. She’s just not a good person, and everyone in my family, except my aunt, doesn’t want anything to do with her. I haven’t seen her in 8 years now, and I’m happy about that."
"A former nun - my great aunt - left the religious life and got married. She called herself 'the black sheep of the family' because her habit was black."
Back2BachExcited Julie Andrews GIF by The Rodgers & Hammerstein OrganizationGiphy
Well the black sheep sound like the most interesting family members.
Sex is great, but there are more ways than one to accomplish that euphoric feeling without sex.
There are so many small, ordinary aspects of life that can just send a person and we come across them daily.
A good steak.
A home repair.
The things that make you say...
"I tingle all over."
Redditor OldAboba asked:
"What is the best non-sexual physical feeling you’ve ever felt?"
Adele. Adele live. She sends me.
FloatingRelaxed Exit Strategy GIF by Hannah Bronfman Giphy
"I got a professional full body (everything but my man parts) massage a few years back for the first and so far only time at a spa after the recommendation from a coworker. I felt like I was floating on a cloud for the next few days."
Through your nose...
"Sneezing when you're sick. Then you get that about 20 second feeling of breathing through your nose again and you like ahh that's what I aspire to at the moment."
"Or the very last sneeze of your illness. During a fire drill in high school, I was ambling out after fighting a head old for a few days. The alarm was killing my head which was already throbbing from the sinus pressure."
"I was nearing the field, well away from my classmates, when I cough/sneezed out a huge, green loogie - cleared it about three feet, no icky trail - and by the time I was walking back to the building I was feeling pretty much back to normal. No more head cold after that. Never had something like that ever happen again where there was such an abrupt end to the head cold."
"Right after a migraine goes away. It's almost a spiritual experience."
"This was going to be my answer. I was in the ER one time for a really bad migraine. They gave me what they called a 'migraine cocktail.' When they pushed it through the IV I could feel the cold liquid make its way through my body, up to my head. Once it hit my brain, the migraine was gone. It was pure ecstasy. Even better was that cocktail had Benadryl in it so I fell asleep not long after and slept so good."
"That stretch til you shake when you wake up."
"I once stretched too hard in the morning and got the worst calf cramp ever... it looked like a prune and I thought I would die from the pain. Couldn't stretch in bed for months afterwards out of fear it would happen again."
"When you move over 50, it turns into that stretch til you put your back into a muscle spasm that lasts days."
The ItchScratching Feel Good GIF by 60 Second DocsGiphy
"I had a cast and splint on both my legs for 2 months. When they cut it off, they scratched my legs for me and the itch was just top notch! Yeah."
Itching an itch can change a life.
YUM!Emma Stone High Quality GIFGiphy
"When you're starving all day and devour a bomb a** meal."
Sleep for Life
"When you’ve been up for 20 hours+ and finally get into bed and you just know it’ll be the best sleep of your life."
"But man, after 36+ hours, the body sort of aches and it's hard to fall asleep despite being completely exhausted. Then the restless legs kick in... ugh. I do agree that a 20hr-ish stint is amazing to cuddle into, especially if you don't have to get up at any specific time the next day."
"Makes it better when you’ve been sleep deprived for weeks and know you have NO PLANS tomorrow and can sleep as much as you need."
"When you're absolutely busting for a pee and you can finally go!"
"Apparently there’s a thing called a 'pee-gasm' that people (usually women) have that causes an orgasmic feeling when you pee after holding it for a while! I’ve definitely experienced this and I’ve intentionally waited a while so I could have that good feeling... lol."
I Can Hear!!
"The feeling of water leaving your ear after being there all day."
"I had some impacted earwax for a week in one ear, and when it finally got removed it was the best feeling in the world. Initially it was like having a tv or radio in my ear that only had static, but then I could hear. Good god, I could hear. It was amazing."
"Oh man, and it’s WARM from being in your head, and the warmth makes the sensation of leaving even better."
A Good Restdog puppy GIFGiphy
"Sleeping in a warm blanket in winters."
"Or sleeping in a cold blanket in summer."
I am enthralled by all of those things.
People need to stop throwing out unwanted advice.
And when it is requested, think before you speak.
People with mental disorders don't need everyone telling them they have a fix like "exercise" or "herbal supplements."
Redditor Gold-Ad-2827 asked:
"People with mental disorders: What do you hate being told the most?"
I hated being told to just smile. You smile and go away.
Duhseth meyers GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy
"It's all in your head. Where else would it?! My colon?"
"Everybody goes through that."
"This saying makes my blood boil. Or the 'I was that age once too ya know' yeah no sh*t you were that age once. And just because you were that age once doesn’t mean we have the same experience."
"They try to minimize it."
"You're worried? Just stop."
"You're sad? Just don't be."
"You're compulsively binge eating? Eat less."
"Thanks for that stellar advice."
"Or even better, 'Just do it!' As if ADHD paralysis can be stopped with a can-do attitude."
"I get so frustrated when people treat the idea of 'holistic medicine' as some kind of woo. How does it escape so many people that the body works holistically? Even a lot of doctors seem to ignore this. It's very frustrating when you have 2 or 3 or 4 illnesses that are all affecting each other, and your 'physical health' is held distinct from your mental health, and nothing anyone is doing to treat you works because no one's looking at the whole system."
"I just got a lecture from a psychiatrist I am seeing about nutrition, and he apologized to me for doing so but I told him, 'No, I appreciate it. Do it for all your patients.' because it told me he's trying to look at the whole picture and actually fix what's wrong. It gave me faith in him."
RelaxCalm Down Golden Girls GIF by TV LandGiphy
"You need to calm down."
"Never is the history of calm down has calm down ever caused anyone to calm down."
Calm down. I hate that one. You calm down.
TipsSeason 23 Reaction GIF by Law & OrderGiphy
"When they try to give me tips on what to do, like bruh as if I didn't already try that."
"You don't look sad. No crap... that's so I can avoid having this conversation. Also depression isn't 'being sad' like people think."
"God, I hate this. It's because saying 'I'm depressed' has been standard for people expressing that they're slightly unhappy about something dumb like not getting enough croutons on their salad or some crap. Now that's just what everyone assumes you mean when you say you have depression."
"'Stop being lazy.'"
“'Lazy' is when you don’t want to do anything at all. 'Executive disfunction' is when you can do everything at all, but that one easy quick thing that you do want to do just makes you and your brain freeze completely days ahead. I’m tired of people not understand that even when I explain and look at me like I’m bullshitting instead."
Ways to Cope
"Maybe you should try praying harder. I did, He prescribed medication."
"Praying is a way to cope for a lot of people, I think. That's totally fine, but insisting on praying in lieu of getting real help or actually addressing the issue is when it is not only unhelpful, but dangerously detrimental."
"Religious people will bypass everyone’s cultures, identity, views, and feelings just to be right and make a point. it’s disgusting. I read somewhere that real so called Christianity is all wrong. The real faith is from the Aramaic history and all the meanings were misinterpreted and the stories and all were made up by Catholics wanting to control their people. Yuck."
'contamination'Disgusted Season 6 GIF by Brooklyn Nine-NineGiphy
"As someone with OCD with a lot of attention to 'contamination', having someone try to explain contradictions in why I'm doing something that is technically unclean when I wouldn't do something that is technically clean due to OCD. There are a few doorknobs that I will not touch no matter how much you clean them in front of me and I know it makes no sense, if it made sense I wouldn't have OCD i'd just be cleanly."
Stop trying to be an armchair therapist. Be empathetic to people first.