Listen, no one is perfect. Even the most well put together person you know is capable of a brain fart. I, for one, am undeniably brilliant and have never done this.
Okay, that was a lie. You can ignore me.
Anyway, we all know what it's like to be stressed out and not on our "A-game." But some people seem to be more prone to this than others. After Redditor lilpuppers00 asked the online community, "What is the dumbest idea you've had in a stressful situation?" people shared their stories.
"A woman yelled..."
A woman yelled, "Did you sleep with my boyfriend?" and my dumb self said, "Who's your boyfriend?"
When I was a kid I was playing with matches in my room. Started a small fire and began to panic. Solution? Direct the air from my fan towards the fire to blow it out. You can imagine how that went.
"My dinner was in the oven..."
My dinner was in the oven. It caught fire. Instead of attempting to put out the fire, I took a picture of it and texted it to my mom for advice. I was 39 years old.
"It just made him super mad..."
I was once in a fight. The guy ran at me to tackle me and I put him in a headlock and fell backward. So, my back was on the ground with him in a headlock.
A huge crowd was around us. I knew if I let him go, he'd have the advantage being I was on my back. So, I started just talking to the crowd, giving a commentary, and making jokes.
It just made him super mad and go into a savage state.
I learned never to hold a guy in a headlock that has a free hand.
And now for a funny story...
Years ago, I lived with a boyfriend who wasn't the best cook. I instructed him to keep an eye on a pot while I went to shower. The second I stepped out of the shower, I heard a commotion and the signs of obvious panic. I ran back to the kitchen in just my towel. I arrived just in time to see that my boyfriend had placed a glass lid on one of the stove burners. Rather than remove it and set it aside, he grabbed a rag (so as not to burn himself), tossed it into the sink... and then ran cold water over it, which caused the entire lid to shatter.
Yeah, we're not together anymore.
We're friends, actually... but I still tease him about this.
And now back to our regularly scheduled content.
"My hair was getting long..."
My hair was getting long, hard to manage, I was also just stressed in general about school. For some reason I associated these two things and thought getting my head shaved was the answer to all my problems. I actually went ahead with it.
"Tried to calm myself..."
Was having a panic attack. Tried to calm myself with some whiskey.
Turns out taking a depressant to relieve anxiety only makes your anxiety worse.
On my very first backpacking trip, we had a bear encounter just as we were eating supper. There were two small cubs coming toward our campsite, when we heard mama bear crashing through the brush toward us. My (now ex-) boyfriend and I were sharing a rehydrated meal, and eating it straight from the pouch, instead of splitting it into two bowls, because I couldn't be bothered washing the bowls.
Anyway, I've had the saying, "A fed bear is a dead bear," drilled into me from a young age, and I've always been really good about not leaving food out where bears or other wildlife might get it. So, as I was starting to freak out about this ginormous, pissed off mama bear lumbering toward me, I thought I'd better make sure she didn't get any of our food, so I quickly started shoveling the rest of that meal in my mouth and swallowing as fast as I could. My ex and I are still good friends, and to this day he still makes fun of me for how quickly I stuffed almost two full servings of Mountain House teriyaki chicken and rice down my throat because I was afraid the bear would eat it.
Did I read that last one correctly?
Was that person really more worried that the bear would eat their food?
"When I was in high school..."
When I was in high school we had to complete a notebook full of work and get it graded. It was time to hand them in and my friend wrote PENIS on the front cover! I panicked and wrote an S in front of it to spell out SPENIS. I'm glad my teacher had a good sense of humor.
"In a fit of genius..."
I was fixing my guitar amp. I grabbed a can of lubricant instead of air spray and sprayed it all over the amp circuit. In a fit of genius I took the amp board in to the tub to wash it all off before it damaged anything. I don't have that amp anymore.
"My plan was to move..."
Toilet at school blocked up. I know school toilets are an absolute mess, but hear me out. I knew I couldn't leave the toilet in that state because I'm not the type of person to just leave problems for the next person in line. Also, I couldn't just leave it there either, in case someone was waiting to use the toilet and they were smart enough to put the pieces of the puzzle together.
Anyway, I got a bit stressed out, so I decided to check underneath the cubicle next to me to see if anyone was in there. From what I could see, no one was there, but I wasn't 100% sure. And luckily the toilet seat was up, once I looked over the edge. Very risky, but luckily no one was there.
My plan was to move the blockage from one toilet to the other. Yes, this was a fucking awful idea. You're probably wondering how I fished the blockage out, well let's just say old pencil cases are good for this.
Anyway, I picked up the blockage and dumped it in the toilet next to me. In other words, I successfully unblocked a school toilet in the dumbest way possible. For the rest of the day, I was disgusted but at the same time, I knew deep down that I went where no one else would ever dare to go.
This is also the story of why I refuse to use public toilets.
Well, that's that.
In case you worried that your most recent behavior was stupid or ridiculous, don't worry: The lesson we've learned from all this is that there is always someone out there ready to one-up you.
And don't take life too seriously: We all have those moments. It's okay to laugh at yourself.
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