The final girl runs through the woods to escape the killer who somehow manages to keep up with her despite limiting himself to a casual stroll, machete in hand. When she makes her way back to the clearing and sees her car, its chrome glinting brilliantly in the moonlight, she dives behind the steering wheel, fetches her spare keys from up top, and pops the right one into the ignition only for the engine to refuse to turn over. The car won't start, and the killer is somewhere out there.
Sounds familiar? Of course it does. Let's end this, shall we?
(1/20)
Every driving scene that involves talking always has the driver maintaining eye contact with the passenger for more than 10 seconds at a time. Like who does this in real life? It's incredibly dangerous. When I'm talking while driving I ALWAYS keep my eyes on the road. Looking away for a mere 3 seconds at high speed is enough to crash into something.
(2/20)
Computers aren't magical devices. Hacking into them isn't mashing on the keyboard for a few seconds. And even if you do if you do manage to hack in, you don't magically become god.
That being said, I love it when movies use nmap (it's a real tool and is incredibly useful even to non-hackers).
(3/20)
Besides high school students always looking like they are in their 20s, they always have amazing hair. Even the background extras have beautiful well done hair. I have been to high schools, it's all buns, frizz, shag and absence of any product use except for a few and goes for some teachers, too. Also, where are the kids with mild acne and wrinkled clothes?
(4/20)
Movies have a lot of sins regarding guns:
- infinite ammo: an assault rifle (M4/M16) on full auto with a standard mag will empty in about 3 sec, yet movies shows them firing continuously for minutes
- tables are not bullet proof
- car doors are not bullet proof - at all. No special bullets needed, anything will go right through.
- it is a lot harder to hit your target with a handgun than movies portray
- silencers are not magic: in reality, a silencer lowers the sound of a gun shot from about 165db to around 130db - the level of a jackhammer.
- shooting the vast majority of things will not cause them to explode. Pretty much the only thing that will explode when shot is tannerite.
(5/20)
GiphyBIG ROMANTIC CONFESSIONS OF LOVE-
"Judy, I love the way you eat your painkillers and Pringles together. I love how you wipe your nose on the sleeve of your shirt and offer it to the dog to lick. And I know we've only known each other for a month where I stalked you, stabbed you, and almost killed your 'supposedly' evil boyfriend, but I'm in love with you. Irrevocably! I know, you are, too! Don't deny yourself of this wonderful, wonderful feeling called 'love,' because honey, I love you even when you wear your panties inside out and go to work like its no big deal. Err... What I'm trying to say is that I'm the ONE. I'm the one who'll enjoy watching you turn scarlet in front of this crowd as I make a big, romantic gesture."
(6/20)
I may be the only one, but I am not a fan of audio in movies and their dynamic range; talking scenes are quiet while scenes with more action are way too loud. I find myself turning up my TV to hear dialogue then turning it back down so my neighbors don't complain... it's like an audio roller coaster. Ie Mad Max Fury Road.
(7/20)
Treating the audience like we're idiots. We don't need every little details explained to us through asinine dialogue that people would never say in real life or, worse, excessive narration. Let the story speak for itself through good pacing, world-building and implied details.
(8/20)
It's not a narrative trope but dogs**t camera work with a thousand cuts to make it feel more "epic."
In ye olden times, martial arts movies had a lot of quick cuts to convey speed- but these were films that lived and died on the beauty of their choreography. More and more Hollywood actions movies emulate that trope, turning action scenes into unwatchable garbage where the camera cuts to a different angle so many times in rapid succession that your brain can't process what you're even seeing!
Arguably the nadir of the trend (so far) has been this infamous clip from Taken 3: featuring 15 cuts in six seconds- for a guy jumping a fence!
Yes, the quick cuts communicate speed, but you know what also communicates speed? People moving quickly.
(9/20)
Hi, I'm a woman in the 1500s with perfectly curled hair, eyeliner and no body hair.
Hi, I'm a woman fighting in the zombie apocalypse but my pony tail stays perfect and I have no armpit hair despite not showering for months.
I could go on and on.
(10/20)
GiphyScenes where characters go to a crowded dance club to have a conversation about their crime business, but are somehow able to hear each other without shouting and asking to repeat each other.
"WHAT?!" (ooonz oonz ooonz)
"I SAID the DRUGS are coming (oonz oonz) in TOMORROW AT THE (oonz oonz) DOCKS"
"Of course I'm bringing my Glock! But (oonz oonz) where do I meet you to pick up the drugs?!?!?!!"
"AT THE DOCKS!!!!"
"Ok, I'll see you at 3 o'clock!!!!"
(11/20)
Final fight, bad guy vs good guy. The first 70% of the fight the good guy is going to get his a** handed to him. He's gonna be slow, stand around waiting for the punch to hit him and generally just be a way worse fighter than he was throughout the whole movie so far.
Then suddenly he gets magical strength from somewhere and f**ks up the bad guy.
I so loved Taken when the final mastermind guy just got point blank taken out before he could even finish his first sentence.
(12/20)
Epic battle ensues. Male and female leads re-unite briefly in the middle of the melee.
"We have to put a stop to this! And fast!"
"I know! Too many people are dying! Time is of the essence!"
Turn to leave. One of them reaches to stop the protagonist momentarily to plant a big long kiss on them while people CONTINUE TO DIE ALL AROUND THEM AND ONLY THEY CAN STOP IT!
(13/20)
Whenever a family eats breakfast, there is a MASSIVE, unrealistic spread.
I'm talking like fruit salad for days, stacks upon stacks of delicious pancakes. sausage and bacon, etc...then some emo-nerd will pop down the stairs for 2 seconds, drop some dumbass line like, 'I'm late, gotta run!' and grab a lame ass piece of unbuttered toast.
(14/20)
Investigator: "Can you clear up that image of the finger print from the steering wheel of that car? Enhance."
Computer Tech: zooms in
Investigator: "ENHANCE"
Computer Tech: zooms in
Investigator: "ENHANCE"
Computer Tech: zooms in
clear image with no loss of resolution appears on the giant screen
Investigator: "Great. Let's run that through AFIS"
bleepbloopbleep 2 seconds later
Computer Tech: "We've got a hit."
(15/20)
GiphyNeed blood for some ritual or pact? Let's just slice down our palms, which is an extremely annoying place to have a wound because it means you can barely use your hand anymore without pain. Oh wait, let's just forget that and let them have full use of their hand in the next fight scene.
Seriously, there are so many better places to get blood if they really need it that makes much more sense than that.
(16/20)
When the movie is literally too dark to see anything. I get they want to create a certain ambience, but when I'm finding it hard to find the character in the scene it's a bit much.
"I prefer marvel films, because DC films are too dark."
"Oh, too edgy for you?"
"No. I literally can't see what the f**k is going on"
(17/20)
I hate the age differences between the male and female love interests in some movies. One movie I recently saw had a male actor who was in his 50s, his wife 20s and they had a teenage daughter together (how does that happen...). Another had the female lead around the same age as the male, but kept saying she was too old for him and making a big deal of the (nonexistent) age difference.
Also having make up on the actors in an apocalypse/in mornings/etc. I actually really like when movies show the people in a more natural and normal way, it takes away the realism for me otherwise.
(18/20)
Portraying snow, ice and cold in general extremely inaccurately. It's very common even in the high budget productions, and it drives me absolutely mad! Some common stereotypes are:
- ice breaks in unnatural ways, usually ends up with the bad guys being sweeped under
- all ice is white, even on lakes and when there's no snow or frost anywhere else
- all characters can either immediately walk on ice/skate/ski like they have done that all their lives or are incredibly clumsy, yet nobody slips unless it's an important plot point (like falling in the arms of someone)
- being in a very cold enviroment doesn't affect anyone, characters faces gain zero reddish hue and sometimes even them breathing doesn't make mist, there's no wind or the wind doesn't affect anyone
- running around without a hat or gloves in general when it's supposed to be very cold
- all snow is the kind that requires minus degrees in celcius, no sleet or snow melting or mixing with dirt exists
- the snow doesn't reflect any light or sparkle the slightest, all nights are completely dark even if there's snow everywhere
etc. etc.
There are so many commonly used tropes that I'm convinced nobody in the production industry has actually seen any real snow or lived in northern parts of the world. It's 2019 already - the special effects have evolved so much it shouldn't be that hard to stay away from many inaccuracies! Every damn production needs a snow and ice supervisor.
(19/20)
"I have to tell you something impor....."
"Shut up! I don't have time to listen to you". And then this person runs off.
"But I was going to tell you that I didn't cheat on you with your sister. It was all an innocent misunderstanding that I'm positive will make you smile. I also wanted to tell you that the bomb is hidden inside the teddy bear and the killer is actually Joe's mom. Not Joe. And I could have easily explained all of this in less than 1 minute if we were in the real world where people actually talk to each other like adults instead of acting like some basement dwelling virgin writer whose entire outlook has been shaped by the works of other basement dwelling virgin writers thinks adults act like."
(20/20)
GiphyWhen movies depict huge cities, even the downtown areas, as being practically deserted after dark. Like, no one at all other than the protagonists. Ever been in Manhattan at 3 a.m.? That place ain't dark or quiet.
It annoyed me in Fight Club, with the demolition of the skyscrapers at the end. It made it look like the entire city was asleep when the bombs went off, when, realistically, there just had to have been collateral damage, even if they had evacuated the buildings. Unless they somehow managed to shut down several entire blocks of the city, there would've been taxis driving or parked nearby, newspapers getting delivered, drunks and homeless people wandering around, stores and restaurants being stocked for the next day...
Infatuation is a curious thing.
One moment, you can be swept up in major adoration for someone to such a degree that you can't stop thinking about them.
But the next moment, you may suddenly find yourself moving on.
What is it that drives someone to lose their lust for their former object of affection?
Curious to hear from strangers who experienced going from hot to cold in casual dating, Redditor Romeothanh asked:
"Men who suddenly lost your interest in someone but for a weird reason, what was it??"
Questionable behaviors were seen as major turn-offs.
Poor Parenting
"The way she treated her children, her boy was permitted everything and her daughter had to follow very strict rules."
"I didn't have to ask to know what was going on, the boy's real father wasn't her ex-husband but a guy she had an affair with at work, her daughter was really from her ex-husband. She was always resentful of her upbringing and then her marriage for impeding some kind of dreamed life she thought she was entitled to. So the boy was seen as a piece of that dream and the girl was a piece of her boring life but she was also reliving her childhood through her and pushing her to excel in sports, school and manners and reveling in her daughter's accomplishments as if they were hers."
– Telesto1087
Past Grievances
"She accused me of cheating on her in a past life."
"I told her 'I don’t remember that.'”
– Breloren
"Sounds like something someone who cheated in a past life would say!"
– thefirecrest
At Least She Washes Her Hands...
"She spat in her hands and rubbed them together because she 'needed to wash them.' I cannot describe the colossal speed at which that switch turned off."
– whitesebastian
"Was she some sort of 1930’s farm hand or construction worker?"
– valueduser
There were some serious red flags.
Schadenfreude
"A elderly gentlemen fell in front of us, he took a nasty fall."
"She found it hilarious, instead of helping she just stood there laughing. I helped that person out and I felt so embarrassed for her behavior."
"Also that was the last time I saw her. It was a major turn off for me."
– oxide-NL
Good Guy Vs. Bad Guy
"I invited the girl from my psych course I'd been vibing with to a party. Her car rolled up and I came out to greet her, but it was a dude's car, and she was drunkenly making out with him as I walked up. I didn't flip out or anything, but she slurred her way through some weird attempt at reassuring me that I shouldn't worry, 'cause she was only sleeping with him to punish him because he was a bad guy (apparently that's a thing she does), and that I was a good guy. I didn't ask what happened to good guys. I felt bad for her date, whom she completely ignored the rest of the night. As for the girl, she ended up totally engrossed with the party host's gerbil, tapping on the glass of its cage whispering how she wanted to kill it. I found somewhere new to sit in psych class for the rest of the semester."
– MissionofQorma
I'm Generous And You're Gonna Like It
"She kept buying me stuff. It was nice at first but she kept doing it weekly and demanded I give gifts in return. I asked her to stop and she said "nope this is what I do." Felt like she didn't even care about what I wanted."
– Dry-Enthusiasm3515
Easiest Breakup Ever
"It was a really horrible relationship even this aside but my 'wow i think i actually hate this person' moment was when we were at Badlands National Park. We were just walking out of the gift shop with some other woman when she just let go of the door and it like slammed into that womans face. I said to her 'omg im so sorry' then when we got to the car i said to my gf in like a joking tone 'i cant beliehe you didnt hold the door for her haha' and because she was a very very miserable person all the time this makes her mad and she goes 'well YOURE the man youre supposed to hold the door. I dont NEED to hold the door for anybody' and yeah that one statement alone was very... eye opening for me."
"Seriously the easiest least heartbreaking break up ive ever gone through."
– ILoveTikkaMasala
The Cat Recognized Evil
"My cat didn't like her."
"Brought her home to introduce her to my parents, she meets my childhood cat and. It. Goes. Psychotic. Just for her reaching down to pat him, he panicked, attached himself to her arm, and wouldn't let go, just clawing at her like he found a demon to fight or something. When he eventually detached himself (they were both running around the room screaming as she tried to wave him off her arm) I checked her over and he did some damage. He's never reacted like that to anyone before or since. We broke it off shortly later."
"I found out a few years ago she was in the court system. Why? She tried to kill her own kid. I didn't dodge a bullet because of my cat, I dodged an artillery shell."
– GryphonicOwl
It's not me, it's you.
So Rude
"She didn’t hold the door open to people just meeting her at the door, would let it slam on people behind her, didn’t do the little thank you wave to other cars that let her out, didn’t say please and thank you to serving staff. She wasn’t overtly rude, she just had a bit of a me,me,me vibe."
– Hellenicparadise
Norwegian Love
"She told me she was pregnant and it was mine, 2 days after sleeping with me for the first (and only) time. Then proceeded to tell me she had a boyfriend."
"I should have twigged earlier really. She flew from Norway to sleep with me and flew back the next day."
– Perseus73
Face Reveal
"I’d been talking to this girl in class I thought was really cool. We ended up going for a bite after class one day and she suggested we go hang out in my dorm room. Hell yeah."
"Then she took off her glasses and she looked exactly like my mom. It was so jarring I excused myself to the bathroom to regroup, but when I came back I couldn’t unsee my mom’s face on her."
"I made some lame excuse and went back alone. I felt bad about bailing on her but I also how the hell would I tell her the real reason? Either she thinks I’m a weirdo or thinks I’m saying she looks like she’s in her fifties."
– OneSmoothCactus
Don't Speak
"My mate ghosted a girl simply because he didn't like her cadence when she spoke."
– Random-chick-98
My shallowest moment was years ago when I ghosted a hot tennis player I was dating because he had a particularly annoying gait.
Anytime we would walk around the city (in New York), he would gradually lean into me and prevent us from walking a straight path.
I thought he was deliberately trying to get close but it turned out that one of his legs was shorter than the other resulting in him taking uneven steps.
When he explained his situation, it weirded me out.
I didn't have the heart to tell him why I could no longer see him, so I just stopped responding to his incessant messages about when we were meeting next.
I remain regretful to this day about my immature behavior, and I wish him the best wherever he is.
Reddit user No-Challenge-3305 asked:
"What's the stupidest double standard you ever heard from someone?"
My Time Vs. Your Time
"I had a production manager who would come in late and leave early most days and then make problems for anyone who needed a half day for anything."
~ TheGreatGrappaApe
Giphy"My first manager at my current job was a harda** about hours. Would basically say 'There's the door' if you asked to leave early or come in late, no matter how rare or needed the occurrence was."
"Always talked about how dedicated he was."
"Dude would roll in at 9:30 leave at 11:00 for lunch. Get back at 1:00 and go home at 3:00."
"He constantly talked about how he just LIVES at work... even though we were all there, and he had been seen at the golf course every day."
"One of the funniest moments was when our client was parked behind him, and needed my manager to move his truck to be able to leave, but said 'I'm not gonna ask him to move his truck, because I'm afraid he'll just leave'."
~ bcos4life
"Stealing" What He Gave Them?
"My uncle used to hire undocumented immigrants while complaining that illegal aliens were stealing people's jobs."
"He liked to hire them because they worked hard and were cheap."
~ ScrubIrrelevance
"So he himself was stealing other people’s jobs because it’s not like the illegal immigrants were able to make the decision to employ them instead of a US citizen or person with a visa."
~ CaptainObviousBear
Just For Me, Not For Thee
"'I want an open relationship to explore my sexuality, but I don't want you sleeping with anyone else'."
~ MamaPagan
"I didn't realize people actually said stuff like this until my most recent ex said it to me."
"I was baffled, to say the least."
~ Vetzero
GiphyThey Are "Those People"
"My mom had a problem with welfare recipients until my sibling went on it."
"Then, back to nasty welfare recipients when they got off welfare."
~ Eringobraugh2021
"My cousin is on multiple government programs, and counts the seconds until her 3 separate child support payments come in... then sh*ts on 'Deadbeats' all the time."
"She even bragged about using her EBT to get tattoos."
~ bcos4life
Boys Will Be Boys
"My ex believed that teen girls who fall pregnant while still in school should be expelled and not allowed to finish school at all."
"Sounded like he thought they were contagious or something."
"After a heavy argument I said 'OK fine then boys must also be expelled', but no apparently it's not the same thing."
~ boekieblaker21
Piety Not In Practice
"My aunt calls me a sl*t for wearing short skirts."
"She doesn't know who the father of two of her three children is."
~ Perfect_Patience1109
Giphy"When I was young, a relative used to constantly call me a 'whore' and accuse me of being pregnant, when I had never even had a boyfriend."
"Meanwhile, she was sleeping with someone else's husband."
~ haloarh
"Isn't that usually the way?"
"The one calling people names and pointing fingers is probably the most guilty."
"Hypocrites."
~ NoThanksJustLooking1
It's Only An Entitlement If Someone Else Gets It
"My FIL served in Vietnam. When he came home, he used the G.I. Bill to get a free college degree (in social work)."
"He didn't like being a social worker, so he spent much of his adult life working as an appliance salesman, an electrical supply salesman, or (for significant chunks of time) was unemployed."
"He owned a house and raised two kids."
"When he retired, his sole source of income was Social Security."
"He never paid a dime for medical care because of his VA benefits."
"He sold his house (that he paid like $65k for in the 70's) for a healthy profit, moved to Nevada, and settled into a retirement community."
"If you ask him, he'd happily tell you that 'the problem with this country is all the people and their damned entitlements. I don't know why people don't just get a job'."
~ Redditor
Cheat Codes
"My friend’s mom said Men cheating and women cheating are different because men only care about the physical and not the emotional."
"Come to find out, she was being cheated on by her current husband, and I am assuming this is how she coped."
~ Head-Roll6309
"The responses I got to being cheated on from coworkers were different. I was blamed by other people for not giving her what she needed so obviously she should go out and cheat to get those things."
"And I responded with 'Do you think the same about men cheating?'."
"'Of course not. Men cheat because they can't be trusted and will f'k anything they can. Women cheat because they are being mistreated by men and it's his fault she has to go out and do that'."
"Was a great comment to me, the panic attack filled person whose life was falling apart and entire world was destroyed by her cheating."
"I left that workplace pretty soon after those comments."
~ polorat12
TMI, Dude
"Dude I worked with felt I needed to know that he'd have to have a wife and a mistress because he didn't want someone who sucked his d*ck kissing the kids."
"And I was like 'have you considered maybe washing your d*ck better?'."
~ VinnyVincinny
"Really they can’t reconcile respecting someone they have sex with."
~ Zer_0
Consent Is For Everyone
"'He can't refuse sex. He's the man. The woman always decides when and where we have sex. Everybody knows that'."
"In marriage counseling, my ex-wife (while we were still married). She was serious, too."
~ Azzizzi
"My ex-wife would get visibly angry when I wasn't in the mood but she was."
"More than once I'd ask her like 'you know how messed up it would be if these roles were reversed, right? If I got mad at you for not being in the mood?'."
"And her response was just 'well, you're a guy'."
~ AutoDefenestrator273
"Ugh, it sucks that you went through that, and I'm sorry. The idea that men want sex all the time no matter what is so damaging."
"Everyone is allowed to not want sex, and I wish people would stop acting entitled to other people's bodies."
"Even when people aren't reacting with anger if a male partner turns down sex, this myth still causes real damage in relationships. I know both men and women who've expressed fears that they're broken or their relationship is somehow dying if the woman has a higher libido or even if the male partner turns down sex once."
"It's awful and I really wish people would stop buying into this idea."
~ VinnyVinnieVee
And Now For Something A Little Lighter...
After these serious topics, let's end on a lighter note.
Unless you're a cat.
Feline Fatitude
"I call my cat chubby all the time but as soon as someone else does it, I get so offended."
~ Green_Bench7560
"I also call my cat fat. He is not. I asked the vet."
"But I'd be super offended if he developed the ability to talk in English and then called me fat."
~ Dmahf0806
Giphy"Growing up, we had a cat who was a grand lady but she was kind of a chonk. Pleasingly chonky."
"We took her to the vet for a regular checkup and got a different than usual vet, who came in and said, 'Whoa, well let's look at this little porker!'."
"My parents and I all got mad instantly. We were allowed to joke about her weight. No one else was."
"That's the rule. Also 'porker' sounds so rude."
~ SageThistle
GiphyDouble standards are all around us.
Which ones do you find particularly foolish?
