In my family we have something of a mantra: "If you're going to be dumb, you gotta be tough." It's the kind of thing that you wish you didn't have to say, but kids (and teenagers and my brother) have a way of just bringing it out of you.
There have been shenanigans aplenty from all of us. Some of you who follow my work may know about my Indiana Jones facial scar. My brother once knocked himself unconscious because he was convinced he could emulate a scene from Moral Kombat. (Spoiler Alert: He could not.) Grandma burned down the kitchen cooking fish. My sister knocked herself out doing choreography in the shower. Let's just say we're a family full of "tough" people.
Reddit user m0na-l1sa asked:
What is the stupidest thing you have ever done?
Yeah ... there are a lot of "tough" folks in these comments. Kick back (cautiously, please) and enjoy the disasters.
Nailed It!
I once tested out a jammed nail gun on the palm of my hand. It was no longer jammed.
Happy Birthday
GiphyFinally gathered the courage to tell my high school girlfriend that we weren't working and that I wanted to break up...
...via a phone call...
...while forgetting that that particular day was her birthday...
Sophomore year was a ton of fun.
Calm Down, Tony Hawk
When I was 19 my friends and I used to go driving around in my Jeep Wrangler.
One day we decided to skateboard behind it while holding an extension cord. Think similarly to how people water ski behind a boat.
On our first attempt I decided to be the guinea pig since it was my idea.
Things started off fine so they sped up to like 15 or maybe 20 mph.
I decided it was too fast so I jumped off the board and started running while I dropped the cord on the ground.
By some freakish miracle the cord wrapped around my leg and started dragging me.
I was dragged for probably a good 100 feet before they were able to get the driver to stop.
My underwear got melted to my skin and I had to peel it off which was one of the most painful things that's ever happened to me.
I couldn't sleep on my back for a couple weeks.
Road Trip!
A week after getting my license, I decided to take a spontaneous road trip 300 miles to visit a pen pal in the next state over I had never met before.
The stupid part is I told no one I was going - namely my parents because I knew they'd freak - and when I was there, my car spun out while driving and I popped a couple tires.
Well, I got 1 replaced, and the other full of fix-a-flat.
Then my geniusself remembered I had to work the next day, so I decided 'let's see how fast my Civic can go. Maxed the speedometer at 125 for 2 minutes non-stop at one point. With fix-a-flat.
Oh and I totally got lost and didn't make it to work on time and meeting my pen pal wasn't even worth it. It was a time in my life where a lot of relationships I formed then faded into obscurity.
How I managed to make it home, let alone not getting pulled over, is still a mystery to me.
- ZiggoCiP
Revolver
Stole money from a meth head. Then told him about it. Easy way to get a revolver in your face if you're into that sort of thing. To clarify, I was not on meth. Wasn't under the influence at all. I don't know if that makes it better or worse.
- nagathenaga
Window Pun
I punched a window out of anger and severed my median nerve causing like 75% paralysis of my right hand and thumb.
I guess that's why they call it window pane.
Old Enough To Know Better
Microwaved my cordless phone to dry it off after dropping it in my toilet. I was in my early 20's.
- Tunafun
Comet
GiphyWhen I was little I ate Comet (the cleaning chemical) because I thought it was mozzarella cheese. I sprinkled it on my pizza and after the first bite quickly realized it wasn't cheese. For those that don't know. Comet is bleach that comes in a green bottle. To my young brain it looked exactly like the mozzarella cheese you would dazzle on a slice of pizza, that would also come in a green bottle. I think I grew up fine since then.
You didn't. Because all this time, you thought it was mozzarella cheese. It's Parmesan cheese in the green can.
OH SONOFA B-
Zucchini Bread
Got really high while home alone and decided to eat my girlfriend's zucchini bread. Basically my high brain only sent a single chew command followed by a instantly regretful swallow. I felt the gigantic chunk of once-chewed bread lodged in my throat immediately.
My first step was to try to take a drink of water to wash it down, and I could literally feel the cold stop halfway down my throat. Then panic set in and I grabbed a chair from the table and tried giving myself the Heimlich to no avail.
I stood up and for the first time in my life I could see the darkness coming in from the outside of my vision. I could feel myself starting to pass out and decided to go for broke and just shoved my entire hand down my throat and broke it up.
Took a huge gasp, saw stars, and had throat skin under finger nails. Throat hurt for a good couple weeks, but at least I'm alive.
No Panty Lines
There was a girl I asked to see a jazz concert with. I thought she just liked me like a friend. When I picked her up, she asked if I liked her dress, I said "yeah!" and she said "I'm not wearing panties under here." I didn't miss a beat and said "Oh, right, to avoid lines. Right." And we saw the concert and I dropped her off. Realized the next morning how stupid I was.
Always Account For Wind
When I was 11 the kids on the other side of the back fence were being aholes, throwing stuff at me and talking stuff. so I decided to grab my moms pepper spray and spray them. I didn't take the wind into account and it sprayed right back in my face.
Why A Potato?
In my freshman year of high school I rolled a potato with my phone number on it to my crush in the cafeteria.
Never got a call.
The Nasal Rinse
I was smoking and after showering still smelled it, so I tilted my head back under the sink to pour water into my nostrils... Practically drowned.
- A2029
In Writing
GiphyWe got a new, powerful and metal ceiling fan.
I tried to touch it as slightly as possible, just to feel it brush my fingertips.
Doctor said it did not need stitches, and it healed on its own. He just cleaned the wound and taped it.
He also said I am an idiot, and asked if I needed that in writing.
"What are the most toxic fandoms on the internet?"
Always Remember, They Work For Us!
"Fans of politicians."
"Too many people have forgotten that politicians are public servants and not celebrities."
"We elect them to serve, not to be worshipped."- Kedosto
Fine To Be Fascinated, Admiring Them However...
"All those crazy fans who support serial killers just because they think they're hot."
"Ted Bundy fanatics etc."- Oiaosq
"Jefferey Dahmer fans."- saturnwrites17
You Can't Pick And Choose...
'There's a very prevalent group of metal fans that claim that nobody listens to metal anymore but then proceed to hate every metal band that isn't from the 80s or earlier."- NeutralityTsar
music video 80s GIF... Are There Any Fans Left?...
"Idk how they are anymore, but 10 years ago the 'Glee' fandom was the worst."- meganmicheles
Always Best To Leave It To The Professionals
"I wouldn't class my contribution as a fandom but it's definitely a toxic internet-inspired community."
'Armchair detectives and true crime obsessives."
"I don't mean people who like to listen to TC podcasts or documentaries."
"I mean the people who actively try and solve a missing person/murder case and just end up getting things wrong, making very serious and often false allegations, disrupting an investigation or hurting family members."
"Helping catch Gabby Petito's killer was an exception."
"Just look at the Nicola Bulley case in the UK right now, sad case YouTubers traipsing thru people's gardens at night, accusing house owners of criminality for daring to leave a light on late at night."
"Overall, just a horrible community who do more harm than good."
"Reddit enables a lot of this type of thing too, I must add."- KrippendorfsAlfalfa
Good Sportsmanship Doesn't Just Apply To The Players
"Sport Fans who gets into fist fights over a damn game they aren’t even playing themselves." -Reddit
3 Lions Wow GIFGiphyEveryone Is Entitled To Privacy
"'The Heartstopper' fandom forced Kit Connor to come out of the closet, at the age of 18."
"That's pretty toxic."- FireFlinger
Sometimes Fandom Comes With Cognitive Dissonance
"'Rick and Morty Fandom', especially if individuals belonging to the fandom, decided to defend Justin Roiland."
"Don't get me wrong, I like 'Rick and Morty', but I can also take a step back and analyze the creators, the content, and the fan culture."
"Everybody I've met who is a die-hard 'Rick and Morty' fan usually thinks they're just like Rick."
"If you watch the show, you should know that he's not an ideal role model."
"Not a huge fan of that behavior."- Bubbly-Substance-112
Calm Down Now...
"There is a very specific set of 'The Legend of Korra' fans that are incredibly toxic and horrible."- ApathicSaint
why dont you just come and find out avatar the last airbender GIFGiphyAlways Important To Get Back To Reality
"Genshin impact Twitter."- BenWinnin
Taste Is Subjective, Especially In Music
"Kpop."
"I’ve been called racist for saying I don’t like it."- Top_Buy2467
Be it for their local sports team or their favorite book, fans have every right to show their enthusiasm.
But when they begin to demean others, and their fandom ceases to be a celebration, they might want to think more carefully about their actions.
Redditor William3356 asked:
"How did you and your SO meet?"
I love the beginning of a love story.
Make me believe it's possible.
Looking Good
pennywise it 2017 GIFGiphy"I was drunk, walking in the road on the way to a pub, dressed as a clown. He was sober and on his way home from work. (It was Halloween)."
SlowDevice420
"My favorite part of this is the clarification that it was Halloween as if it’s there are other times you may be dressed as a clown. but this is so cute!"
NoFlounder90
And there she was...
"Totally random. I was jetskiing at a lake with a buddy. There was a big group next to us that was having an office party. They invited us over to share some shade and food. My wife showed up a bit later. She was nice and I invited her and her friend to go mountain biking with a big group of my friends the following weekend."
"I was not looking for a girlfriend at the time, but that is how things work. We started dating a few weeks later and our 21st anniversary is next month. I was 35 and she was 36 when we got married and neither of us had been married before."
Caspers_Shadow
Hair Issues
"Worked at the same prison together. I hated him. He hated me. We worked separate shifts then we got put on the same shift together. One day I showed up with a super short new haircut and he asked me 'Wtf did you do to your hair?' And I said 'Me? Wtf did you do to YOUR hair?'"
"And suddenly he found me attractive and the more I was mean to him, the more he liked me. Eventually, some hardships happened and he was the first to immediately extend a hand and help me and I saw the soft sweet side of him and I came around."
Chemical_Reality4606
8 years later...
"Online cos I don't have any friends and he had no luck with women in bars/clubs. Put him off for 3 weeks, asked my mom to check him out to see if she approved of him, she did, told my dad gently (just got out a baaaad relationship) and we met in a park and sat and chatted under cherry Blossom trees for 2 hours. 8 years later still kicking and can't imagine life without him now."
deandraws26
Cherish
madonna cherish GIFGiphy"Just moved to a new part of town, had no friends but saw a group of people at the skatepark. I decided to sit near them with hopes that they might talk to me (I always had a hard time meeting people/making friends)."
"I was 15 at the time and my now wife saw me alone and invited me to hangout with her group. I made great friends and gained years of incredible memories that I cherish to this day. I'm 23 now, we just celebrated our 4th anniversary, and just got married a week ago and couldn't be happier."
PapaPunk17
The Tag Along
Giphy"My cousin's wedding. She was a friend of another cousin who tagged along. We had 15 good years together before she passed away unexpectedly from a heart defect."
allen_idaho
"I met my boyfriend at a my cousin's wedding as well. I am sorry for your loss. May you find comfort in the memories."
wrapped-in-rainbows
Weddings are always a love match breeding ground.
Bountiful...
Reel It In Jay Buhner GIF by Northwest MotorsportGiphy"Technically a blind date! We met on Plenty of Fish but neither of us had a profile picture for one reason or another. We decided to meet up less than 24 hours after first chatting but without sending each other a photo first. We fell in love as soon as we saw the other that first time and we've never left each others side since!"
Gothic_Chaotic
When in Honky Tonk
"20 + years ago in a Honky Tonk back in Texas her cousin was talking to my best friend I asked her to dance she told me no. This is how our conversation started and we talked all night long I asked her to dance again she said yes and the Lights came on. I never got to dance with her that night but I did get her number. I knew the minute I met her I was going to marry her. I had never felt like that before. We are still married and she is my best friend."
txbbqdude
The Greatest
"Met through mutual friends on a camping trip, her smile was the greatest thing I had ever seen. New life goal: make this girl laugh and smile as much as possible. Now I have a picture at my desk of her doing both, while smashing a piece of our wedding cake into my face."
Ioapqjz
In Motion
Season 2 Dancing GIF by The Fresh Prince of Bel-AirGiphy"She saw me dancing and decided to get a piece of that action. 30 years later we still go dancing."
scalzi
Dancing is always the way to a heart.
Do you have any amazing "meet cute" moments with your significant other? Let us know in the comments below.
Redditor Puzzleheaded_1377 wanted to discuss the creatures we need to be more accepting about, so they asked:
"What's an animal that is not as dangerous as people think?"
Dog breeds are important to discuss with this issue.
Save the pit bulls.
Be Firm
Giphy"Cheetahs. Don't run. They are skittish. They don't expect the prey not to run. No documented case of a cheetah attacking a human in the wild ever. Just stand your ground and look big. The only big cat that will work with."
TheClayroo
Too Close
"I’m from Zimbabwe and 98% of the time the people that are killed by wild animals are almost always the tourists or people from rich countries, locals are mostly killed by hippos while crossing rivers random animal attacks are rare but the tourists almost always walk into the danger to take pictures."
"Or they think the animal is cute and doesn’t look dangerous, opening car windows to feed animals etc."
"I think they should publicize the statistics of how many are getting killed but they won’t do it to boost tourism; If I had a choice whether to run through a herd of buffalo vs a pride of lions, I would choose to run through the lions."
trixqo
Just Scary to Look At...
"Y’all ever seen a potter wasp? It’s a hornish bugger with a needle-thin abdomen, flies around looking like it packs a nastier sting than five yellowjackets combined. Turns out, more docile and less painful than a yellowjacket. It just has a frightening appearance."
a7o3
"Check out the ichneumon wasp. Looks like the cursed child not of the forbidden love affair between a wasp and a scorpion. Actually doesn't sting. Their super long 'stinger' is actually an ovipositor that it uses to lay eggs underneath tree bark. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Megarhyssa_macrurus"
zorggalacticus
They are herbivores...
"Gorillas. Many people seem to think that they are aggressive animals who if you were to find yourself standing in front of, you are about to get torn apart or bludgeoned to death. They are herbivores. They have been studied extensively to be inherently peaceful animals that avoid violence unless of course all other options are exhausted."
"People literally go on walking tours up in to mountains in the heart of gorilla territories and sit around families of them with the silverback present. There is an art to approaching the silver back initially which the local guides are well aware of, in order to clarify that there is no threat to his family."
"Once that has been established, people can sometimes get lucky enough to even play with the gorilla babies, all in the presence of the parents. How many large mammals can you think of with that level of tolerance?"
"It's chimpanzees that absolutely terrify me. Arguably the absolute last animal alongside hyenas and African painted dogs that I would want to be stuck anywhere with."
Hefty-Quantity9073
One bad egg...
Giphy"Stingrays. They usually swim away from you. That thing that killed Steve Irwin was huge and was probably having a bad day and attacked."
Neltrix
If it killed Steve, it's a no for me.
A Sting
"Tarantulas. They are depicted as deadly in so many movies, but like bees and wasp, their bite while painful isn’t generally harmful to humans unless you’re allergic."
TreyRyan3
Unappreciated
"Bats, harmless critters. Only maybe possibly starting Coronavirus but we ignore that. They maintain eco systems and play important roles in our diets. They are soooooooooooooo unappreciated."
Terrosis
"Bats do carry rabies though. Knew a guy who woke up in his summer cottage with a bat hanging directly above his face, had to get the full 9 yard rabies treatment. Very unpleasant."
"That being said I love bats, and as you mentioned they play a huge role in the ecosystem. Just keep them away from your face. :) "
NAlaxbro
Geography Issues
"Fishers. If you live in the right part of the country, you'll hear people blame all kinds of things on fishers, massacred chickens and missing cats and so on. Even if they've never seen a fisher in their lives. If not fishers, then owls."
"It's probably usually raccoons. Raccoons are active at night, and male raccoons will absolutely go after a housecat -- and they can chase it up a tree, etc. Male raccoons are much bigger than most people think (they get up to 60 lb in the wild) and much more aggressive."
"Fishers are mustelids (weasels, basically) and cat-sized, and they do occasionally kill prey larger than themselves, even including bobcats. But not often, mostly because they don't need to. And they're not super-common in the contiguous U.S. And there are owls big enough to take housecats, but, again not that common. Whereas raccoons... yeah. Everywhere."
MostBotsAreBad
Woof...
"Wolves..."
"Leave them alone and they'll leave you alone. Hell, the chances of actually seeing a wolf in the wild randomly are slim to none."
"You are not prey shaped, so they won't treat you like prey. You're more of a curiosity or, at worst, an annoyance that is to be avoided."
Sharp_Emergency_4932
Keep Them
Chewing Chew GIFGiphy"Opossums. They’re super-timid, and very RARELY carry rabies. You want them in your yard."
stillcore
I don't care what you say... Opossums are a NO!
Do you have anything we should add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
