When I was a kid, the movie Planet of the Apes terrified me. The image of the ape people in the movie was ingrained in me because I thought they were coming to get me.
Why did I feel so threatened, you ask?
It's because whenever I misbehaved – I was a handful up until I was around eight-years-old – my mother would call for the "mountain people" to take me back because the mountain was where my parents found me as an infant.
My mom used to fake dial, and I had until the seventh digit for me to apologize for my bad behavior.
So when I saw the movie, I thought the apes were the "mountain people." Scary.
Curious about what strangers believed when they were younger, Redditor MamaHotWheels asked:
"What's the most delusional belief you held as a child?"
Where You Live
As kids, these Redditors believed the location of their residence corresponded to their street or district zones, or the weather was specific to where they lived.
State Of Address
"We moved to a town when I was five that had a neighborhood with streets named after states. We had moved from out of state and ended up living on the street with the name of the state we'd moved from. I assumed anyone who moved from out of state had to live on the street corresponding to the state they came from."
Dialing It In
"Similar to this, my first experience as a kid with using a phone where you had to dial 9 for an outside line was at school. Our school District was District 9, so I just assumed that's why we had to dial 9 to use the phone. Also, lived in a town where our zip code was 97503, and at the time our area code was 503 on our phone number, so of course I assumed that everyone's must match like that. A lot of weird coincidences that my child brain just took as fact."
Rainy Regions
"That if it was raining at my house, it must be raining on the entire world."
"I thought it was only raining in our town, just our town, then my brothers told me it rained other places at the same time, and I went to the other extreme, thinking the same as you did."
Are You What You Eat?
These Redditors had earlier misconceptions about the foods we eat – including a common fear that swallowing seeds would result in unspeakable horrors.
It's Hard To Stomach
"If you accidentally swallowed a watermelon seed you would grow one in your belly."
"And if you swallowed your gum your stomach would stick to itself."
– Aelaer
'Tis The Wrong Seasons
"That salt and pepper cancel each other out. Too much salt? Add some pepper to the dish. Same if you did too much pepper - just add salt!"
"I ruined many family dinners."
The Caffeine Effect
"my dad would always drink coffee before going to bed, so I thought coffee was like hot chocolate for adults. I only clicked that coffee is supposed to give you energy and should not be taken before bed when I was over 20ish. Turns out caffeine does not affect my dad. I still forget sometimes and take coffee before bed and then regret it as I wait out the insomnia."
– MMXXfan
When In Rum
"That a rum and coke was a 'roman coke.' Mom just said it fast. Figured the ancients just liked their coke that way."
Myths And Mysterious Circumstances
We all believed in Father Christmas and the Easter Bunny, but did anyone believe in warlocks and witches, live-action superheroes, and unsettling phenomena?
These Redditors will tell you all about it.
The Coven Is Comin'
"If I didn't sleep with my whole body covered by my blanket, witches would come in through my window at night and kidnap me. As long as I was under the covers they couldn't find me. Tbh, I can't say it's delusional because I'm still here so it clearly didn't NOT work..."
Heroes
"Power Rangers were real because if they weren't, it would have been a cartoon."
Preparing To Go Missing
"I mentally prepared myself on how to survive in the bermuda triangle. Like it was going to be my number one problem in my life."
"A kid from North East Ohio..."
Having a childlike sense of wonder is endearing, but as we get older and wiser, all that innocence gradually fades away. And sometimes it's for the better.
But being jaded is not cute, and neither is believing in mountain people coming to take you away.
To this day, my mother has no recollection of her cruel and unusual punishment she tormented me with. Selective memory, perhaps?
Thanks, mom!
Sometimes the things that come out of peoples' mouths are truly astounding. It makes you wonder, where did things go wrong? Why are they like this? As Forrest Gump once said, “stupid is as stupid does".
Here are a few of the most jaw-dropping lay stupid things that have been said by actual human beings. Not aliens trying to figure out how humans communicate--ACTUAL human beings. Thanks, Reddit.
U/cperr310 asked: What's the dumbest thing you or someone you know has said?
First up, what better people to hear ridiculous claims from than children? Here are some people that even teachers couldn’t help.
Well, that’s awkward.
I was in 5th grade like 20 years ago, and I am a male which is important later. My school changed an extra girls locker room into a computer lab. When my class got to go check it out, I say "wow, it looks so different!".
Everyone looks at me like I'm a creep. What I meant to say was "wow it looks so different that the boys locker room!" I still think about this when trying to fall asleep more often than I'm comfortable with.
....no. No it’s not.
War Guy GIF
Giphy
In my Spanish class where they were talking about Spanish countries
"What about Syria...isn't Syria Spanish?"
Worst part... NOBODY called her out on it to the point I was questioning myself. The professor had good English but it wasn't her first language and she dodged her question saying she's only going over countries in south america. I had to literally write myself a note that she literally asked that question. Then I got paired up with her like 10 minutes later for a group activity and I still wasn't over this question lol
Fake but also real but also demonic?
A kid in high school tried to convince me that men had an extra rib and that the earth is only a few thousand years old. Same kid said that ouija boards were full of magnets and gears which made them fake, yet they were simultaneously completely real and needed to be burned on sight to prevent demonic possession.
But sometimes it’s the parents of children who say the dumb stuff.
Back in 2014 I still vividly remember we were eating dinner, and my brother is chewing with his mouth open while my sister is talking. My dad, still thinking about her talking but talking to my brother said "Talk with your mouth closed." and my sister just went silent immediately.
Stupid can turn into ignorant really quickly. Here are a few examples of the not-so-harmless kind of dumb statements.
Fun fact: they don’t use the US Constitution in New Zealand. Who knew?
angela rye guns GIF by Third Rail with OZY
Giphy
After the church shooting in New Zealand, they banned guns. My coworker said that they can't do that since it violates the second amendment. We live in California.
Everyone knows New Zealand is the state below New Canada.
Uhhhhh that’s racist af.
Not to me but my husband.
He had to take an uber home from the Naval Base in San Diego (car was getting fixed) and the guy who picked my husband up was from Pakistan and they had small talk, telling him how he moved over here etc, dude was pretty cool.
My dumbass half sister whom we were staying with for a bit told him straight to his face, "Oh since you're military he probably wanted to like... murder you."
...What a f*cking ignorant, racist thing to say.
Just gonna leave this one here....
"And then I see the disinfectant where it knocks it out in a minute. And is there a way we can do something like that, by injection inside, because you see it gets in the lungs, so it would be interesting to check that out."
Well that’s a new one.
A trans friend got "You're registered as a man here, so I need to hear a male voice to complete the verification of your acount."
Not the first time the cable company pulled this 'female' account 'female' voice / 'male' account 'male' voice crap. But that one time was on a whole other level.
But most of the time, dumb statements are harmless, and make for a good story down the line.
I wouldn’t be able to keep a straight face either.
alvin and the chipmunks GIF by 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment
Giphy
A few questions I've heard come to mind, I'm not sure which is the best/worst.
A few years ago my mom, in her 60s at the time, asked me if chipmunks grow up to be squirrels. Have you ever tried to keep a straight face while explaining to the grown-ass woman who was responsible for keeping you alive for ~18 years that chipmunks and squirrels are different animals?
In high school during a Spanish class as student asked "Do Spanish-speaking people think in Spanish?" After being told yes, her follow-up question was "Are they born speaking Spanish?" The teacher kept a straight face explaining that foreign language speakers learn their language the same as the student learned English, but there were a lot of other students laughing and brutally mocking her.
Ah yes, the two types of guitars.
Dumbest thing I ever asked was, "do you prefer playing electric or air guitar?" I really meant to say acoustic, like my dad's.
Air guitar. I don't know how to play the acoustic or electric guitars, but I never get a wrong note on the air guitar.
Did you change your birthday?
At the bank.
Teller: Is your phone number still 123-4567?
Me: Yes
T: Is your address still 123 Easy st?
M: Yes
T: Is your birthday still 01/01/2000?
M: laughing I sure as hell hope so
I can't even make fun of these. One time I asked my husband where the Newport Ferry sailed to.
Newport, obviously.
I think we all have slip-ups in our brains sometimes. It's part of being human, and hey, they stay alive as inside jokes for generations to come
If you want to be ready when an emergency strikes--or isn't far away--it's so important to have a developed foundation of preparedness.
In the midst of a sudden crisis, blood pumping and heart racing, devising what to do out of the blue is just about impossible.
But if you've studied ahead of time, and even practiced if you're really good, you won't have to devise anything. You'll just act. And you'll act correctly.
Don't Count Anybody Out
<p>"If people stumble for no reason and sound drunk but haven't had alcohol, ask them to smile. If it looks weird/ one side is drooping, get them to a hospital ASAP. High chance it is a stroke."</p><p>"Plus people of every age can have a stroke."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lpmamq/what_are_some_facts_that_can_actually_save/goc5mux?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Zuckerschneggle</a></p>Know What to Look For
<p>"The symptoms of a heart attack are slightly different for men and women. This is one of the reasons women sometimes get diagnosed too late."</p><p>"Men: Cold sweat/ nausea; Chest pressure/pain; Shortness of breath; Pain in arm(s), back, neck, jaws, stomach"</p><p>"Women: Fainting/ extreme fatigue; Chest pressure; Shortness of breath; Upper back pressure; Light-headedness/ dizziness; Pain in arm(s), back, neck, jaws, stomach"</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lpmamq/what_are_some_facts_that_can_actually_save/goci0x2?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Veni_Vici-Vetinari</a></p>YOU WILL NOT GET IN TROUBLE
<p>"If you are taken to the hospital and the doctors ask you if you have taken any drugs don't just think about the illegal stuff also tell them if you've had small things like Advil or Tylenol it could save your life." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lpmamq/what_are_some_facts_that_can_actually_save/gocncvh?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Atomicwaffle117</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Frankly this needs to taught in schools. I've known people who took stuff and didn't tell the doctor's, they either went into withdraw which prolonged there stay, or the doctor's have them stuff which interacted with drugs and they nearly died cause of it" -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lpmamq/what_are_some_facts_that_can_actually_save/gocqenr?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">xxluisvrewxx</a></p>Warning Signs
<p>"If your vomit looks like coffee grounds, you may have internal bleeding. Head straight to the hospital." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lpmamq/what_are_some_facts_that_can_actually_save/goc0diy?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Long-Cupcake</a></p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"Additionally, this kind of internal bleeding is further down the digestive tract and has a higher chance of being a more serious issue."</p><p style="margin-left: 20px;">"coffee grounds means that the blood has been digested by your stomach. if it was just a tear in your mouth or esophagus (like from vomiting too much) it would be bright red." -- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lpmamq/what_are_some_facts_that_can_actually_save/gocsn62?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">elaerna</a></p>Get Low
<p>"Crawl out of a burning building, breathing as close as possible to the floor as you move."</p><p>"Toxic smoke rises while air remains more breathable nearest the floor."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lpmamq/what_are_some_facts_that_can_actually_save/goc9phy?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Back2Bach</a> </p>Not Over Yet
<p>"There's something that's called gasping. It's the fake breathing that occurs when you're performing CPR on someone that has water in his lungs (i.e. because of drowning). It looks like a fish that's trying to breath when it's out of water."</p><p>"The person is not back alive then, and you should not stop the CPR."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lpmamq/what_are_some_facts_that_can_actually_save/goc4dy0?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">SilverStory4502</a></p>Quarterback the Response
<p>"In an emergency around any other people, be intentional and specific with people. Do not shout into the void 'someone call for help!!!' "</p><p>"Make eye contact with someone, make sure they know you are talking to them, tell them what you need: 'Sir in the blue shirt. Call an ambulance.' 'Ma'am with the green jacket, go ask the barista for a clean towel.' 'You with the hockey mask and machete, watch this baby!' "</p><p>"Studies have shown that the assumption that someone else will do something is ingrained within people and often they will not help without specifically being talked to."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lpmamq/what_are_some_facts_that_can_actually_save/gocr6es?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">Goosfrabbah</a></p>Deprive the Oxygen
<p>"Don't pour water on a burning pan/oil/grease in the kitchen, cover it with a damp cloth or towel. Water will make it explode like a bomb."</p><p>"Same goes for gasoline I believe - the burning gasoline will just float on top, still aflame, but now spreading more easily to something else flammable."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lpmamq/what_are_some_facts_that_can_actually_save/gocq1vu?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">bodhi85uk</a></p>Ya Never Know
<p>"If you have to eat crickets or similar insects, chew them. DO NOT EAT THEM ALIVE. They have spines on their legs which can cling to your throat and are very difficult to remove without a decent amount of force (i.e. you cant "shake" your throat like you would your hand to remove them)."</p><p>"If they block your wind pipe, you'll asphyxiate."</p><p>"I used to work at a pet store, I've had to explain this to quite a few people who wanted to do "Fear Factor" parties or dares or pranks."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lpmamq/what_are_some_facts_that_can_actually_save/gocqtun?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">AzoriumLupum</a></p>Counter-Intuitive Warnings
<p>"If one of your depressed friends suddenly starts acting really happy or peaceful, don't leave them alone."</p><p>"When suicidal people have a plan and are about to kill themselves, it can make them feel relieved which can make it look like their depression is getting better."</p><p>-- <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lpmamq/what_are_some_facts_that_can_actually_save/gocxdjo?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3" target="_blank">mylifeisathrowaway10</a></p>Culture shock is an understatement.
Have you ever gone abroad and seen something just... so out of whack and strange that you couldn't help but fixate on it? Like, yes, other countries are very different than the United States. But different is not the reason that we are so perplexed and somewhat horrified.
Like It's No Big Deal
<p>The guy that flashed my friends and me in a very nice park in central Europe. </p><p>We were having a picnic. </p><p>He was very polite about it, saying "Excuse me girls, I'm just going to do this in front of you." And then did so.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/pozzledC/" target="_blank">pozzledC</a></p>Saving A Stranger
<p>In the middle of the winter, flying back to Canada, from a Caribbean Island, a middle age man was ready to board the plane with a very thin teenage girl wearing flip flops, shorts and a poncho.</p><p>The girl had a shaved head, the man wouldn't let go of her, she was staring at the floor he entire time, everything looked just odd.</p><p>The flight attendants were doing all sorts of delaying maneuvers. My family and I were late and boarded right after them. Before the flight took off, the police came into the plane and started asking questions, and took the man and girl off the plane. The girl didn't speak any English, Spanish or French.</p><p>I'm convinced that the airline personnel saved a girl being trafficked into Canada.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Mission-Cloud360/" target="_blank">Mission-Cloud360</a></p>An Eye For An Eye
<p>Cyprus in the mid nineties, I was 15 and on holiday with my parents.</p><p>I saw an old Cypriot guy getting beaten within an inch of his life by a young Russian guy, after a row over unpaid rent. As i understood it the Russian was renting an apartment of the victim.</p><p>Police promptly turned up and dragged the Russian guy into the nearest building.</p><p>The Cypriot guy was taken to hospital by ambulance and a short while later the Russian guy was brought out of the building on a stretcher and was also taken to hospital once the police had dealt with him.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/irv81/" target="_blank">irv81</a></p>Just A Bit Of A Disagreement
<p>In a small town in Korea, I saw two guys run out of a restaurant. One of them was holding a 10 inch kitchen knife and shoved it into the other guy's belly. The guy's standing there holding the knife in his gut and an old lady comes out of the restaurant and starts hitting him in the head with her shoe.</p><p>Two other guys jumped on the stabber and held him on the ground. Ambulance came and loaded the stabbee and drove away, cops came and drove the stabber away, restaurant owner came out with a bucket of water and washed the blood off his steps.</p><p>Turned out it was a wedding party and there was a bit of a disagreement.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/standing_lamp/" target="_blank">standing_lamp</a></p>Dominoes
<p>Was in Mexico City for a work assignment. Had just gone to dinner in the Zona Rosa (pink zone). Walking back to the hotel I saw a hit and run. </p><p>A pedestrian was thrown thru the air and flung to the ground. A lot of people witnessed this and an ambulance was called. </p><p>The ambulance came screaming around the corner, going really fast, and hit another pedestrian. Who then was thrown thru the air and flung to the ground. It was awful.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Antique-Eye8029/" target="_blank">Antique-Eye8029</a></p>Unhelpful Cops
<p>I don't know if I qualify as a "tourist", because Barcelona is in my country and not far from my hometown.</p><p>Anyway, me and my sis were walking down the Ramblas in early afternoon, and the place was packed. A group of American teenagers was using an ATM. </p><p>And they were taking precautions, because the area is infamous for its pickpockets, so they were not to blame. But as soon as one girl took the banknotes from the ATM, a kid took them from her hand and raced to the adjacent streets.</p><p>We took the teens to the police precinct, but they weren't very helpful. The first thing they asked is that if we had apprehended the robber. And then we had to insist so they took a record of the incident.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Ramoncin/" target="_blank">Ramoncin</a></p>In Front Of A CHILD?!
<p>Back in 1978 when i was 10, i went to Jamaica with my Mom. One morning after coming out of the British embassy, I saw four baby mongoose in a rain gully about 5 feet deep behind where we were waiting for a bus. </p><p>I thought they were adorable and started feeding them by throwing them biscuits. Some guy saw me doing that, walked over and dropped a large brick on them killing them instantly. I was pretty inconsolable for several hours.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Judge-Giant-snr/" target="_blank">Judge-Giant-snr</a></p>The Horrors Of The Past
<p>I was walking through a forest in central France when I came across a group of old style horse drawn Gypsy caravans in a clearing. </p><p>They were obviously very old and looked like they had just been abandoned. There was a very eerie, unsettling feel to the place so I took a few photos and moved on. </p><p>A couple of days later I was talking to an old guy in the village and he explained that the Gypsies had been dragged from their wagons and murdered by the invading Nazis during WW2. Out of respect the surviving Gypsies in the region just left the caravans where they were.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/Johhnymaddog316/" target="_blank">Johhnymaddog316</a></p>Crazy People In Every Country
<p>Was in Serbia and my collegue i was there with and i had rented a car to go explore the beautiful country. We followed google maps but end up on a dirt road in some small village like area and and had to make a turn. It was heavily raining and we got the car stuck. </p><p>We couldn't get it unstuck on our own so we wanted to ask for help and as we approached the first nearby house a large dog came running out barking loudly and an elderly looking man came out with a rifle yelling at us in serbian. </p><p>We decided next house was a better bet and they were the kindest people on earth. We told them that we had tried the other house with no luck and they told us we were lucky to be alive.</p><p> Apparently the man had a reputation but they didn't wanna to further into details.</p><p>No more dirt roads for me thanks.</p><p><a href="https://www.reddit.com/user/QuinteX1994/" target="_blank">QuinteX1994</a></p>The Price Of A Lifetime
<p>I was on a business trip, but had a couple days at the end of the trip for myself in New Delhi, India. Somehow, I got to talking with the bartender at my hotel about my hobby of keeping reef aquariums and that I was designing a new system. </p><p>He told me about an entire street in New Delhi where every shop sells nothing but various pumps. Pumps of all kinds and very cheap. (Pumps for reef tanks can push $1000, so I thought I would have a look. Besides, I had been wanting to try out New Delhi's metro system, and there was a metro station right near "Pump Street")</p><p>So I hop on the metro (very nice, actually. Highly recommended) and exit the station on "Pump Street". Sure enough...hundreds of pump stores line one entire side of the street.</p>People Explain How The Popular Jerk From School Got A Taste Of Their Own Medicine
It's remarkable when Hollywood stereotypes and plot dynamics are replicated in real life. It's remarkable because it's rare, so when it does happen we lose our cynical outlook of movies as far-fetched flights of fancy.
And one of the classic archetypes is the treatment of popular kids.