If you've been following along with my writing, you'll know that I talk about my childhood and my family a lot. One of the things that comes up repeatedly is that my family encouraged some "strange" beliefs in me as a kid because they thought it was kind of funny. They totally let me believe that the moon followed me around individually because it loved me so much.
For years I never questioned that I was the "moon Princess." I never treated it like it gained me any special powers or anything, just like it was my job to be the one to talk to the moon and make sure it was in a good mood and knew it was loved. I treated it kind of like having a celestial puppy.
That moment when I suddenly realized there was no actual way this was a fact blew my mind - not only at how long my family could let an inside joke run, but at how much it proved I was gullible. I never questioned my parents, why would I? They could just ... lie to me like that? What? Mind. Blown.
One Reddit user asked:
What was your biggest mindblowing moment as a child?
And honestly I feel a little bit better. I guess we all needed to learn. Here are some of the answers I found most comforting.
Child Actors Exist!?
I thought that when there was a flashback in a movie with a younger version of the characters, they filmed it when they were actually that age, then just waited until they grew up to film the rest. I was not a smart child.
- kevo0088
The Hedges
Giphy
For me sarcasm. I always thought people were 100% honest all the time, and never believed people were lying to me, or had any notion of people being sarcastic.
I remember when I was retrieving a soccer ball in my neighbour's garden when I was roughly 7/8 years old, I had to walk back through a dense hedge. While I was walking on some of the branches of the hedge, he said "that's just perfect, try to break even more of them."
At this moment I just started breaking all of them genuinely thinking that's what he wanted.
... fair enough, maybe I wasn't the smartest kid on the block...
"Where Do The Heads Go?"
That dead bodies are buried whole, and not just the body apart from the head. I just always assumed that the word "body" only meant your lower body and did not include the head.
I ended up making my aunt laugh at a funeral when she told me: "This is where they bury the bodies of deceased people", to which I responded with: "Ok, but where do the heads go?" She still tells this story every time she sees me...
Mom
Learning my mom had a name other than mom, and that all moms weren't just automatically given the legal name mom when they became a mother.
Sacrificing For Your Art
I couldn't understand why people wanted to be actors. I thought that once you died on screen, they killed you in real life. And then I saw the same guy in a second movie after he died in a previous one, and it all clicked.
- stengebt
"When Will I Start To Change Color?"
I have a half brother who is 8 years older than me and black. I am white. I always assumed that i was going to become black as i got older. I remember asking him around age 9 "when will i start to change color?" and him telling me its not how it works. Mind was blown and i was very disappointed.
Ignorance
My grandmother claimed the computer mouse was electrocuting her and she didn't want to use it. I was perplexed, because obviously it was not and if she tried more she could tell. She refused. She never learned to even turn off our computer.
I think it was the first time I saw real ignorance from an adult I respected, and it lowered them in my eyes. A little bit of youthful innocence died then.
- yokayla
The Wonders Of Space
Giphy
Learning that our sun is just another star.
For me, it was when I found out that we live on a planet. It made me feel really small and kind of creeped out. Like maybe we're the aliens.
Same! I had already known that "Earth" was a planet, but I didn't know we lived on it, I thought we were just on the ground and Earth was one of the planets in the sky.
Nobody Has The Answers
My mom broke down a bit during the divorce when I was ~13. She told me "I don't know what we're going to do, we might have to move, I don't know how to make any of this work, but I'll always keep you safe." That's when it really hit me that all of us are just doing the best we can, nobody has all the answers, and a whole lot of this life is just figuring it out and doing the best you can as you go. In the course of that year that followed, lots of the pieces about who I wanted to be, what kind of person I wanted to be, and what kind of difference I wanted to make started to fall in line.
Lessons From Pompeii
Learning that children could die. I was 4.
We were in a hotel and we were watching a documentary about Pompeii, and it showed a clip of mothers with their children running from the pyroclastic flow with a narration describing the agony with which these thousands of people died.
I asked if the kids died too.
My mom told me that they did.
I thought only old people and soldiers could die. It just didn't connect that people could die as children. I think it was because I still believed in God back then, and thought that he wouldn't let that happen. It didn't make sense to me.
"Straight men of Reddit, what is the strangest thing you have been told not to do because 'that's gay?'"
The following behavior just screams, "gay," fellas. Watch out.
Song Choice
"Sing a Lily Allen song during karaoke."
– KentuckyFriedEel
School Protocol
"Advice I received in high school from other students:"
"Don't cross your legs with one knee over the other. Put one ankle over the other knee."
"When carrying books, palm them and carry them at your side. Don't rest one edge of the books near your waist."
"Never button the top button of your shirt."
– Gorf_the_Magnificent
Look, But Don't Look
"This one time, at summer camp, this guy who'd just been swimming in the lake told me you could tell how cold the water was by how hard his nipples were. 'But don't stare too long,' he said, 'because that's gay.'"
"You were the one who told me to look in the first place!"
– SonOfTheShire
Sandwich For Sissies
"When I was a kid, my dad called me a sissy because I cut a sandwich diagonally."
– captainmagictrousers
Getting Woodwind
"I played the clarinet. I got called Faginet a lot."
– Virtual_Caramell
"But that's one women do," one might argue.
Daddy Duty
"Changing my daughter's diaper. Mentioned it in the office one day. Called gay."
– Bullydaddy
A Lighter Shade
"Buying a white IPhone."
– Freshrendar
"Added my husband (then boyfriend) to my phone plan. Went to the store on my own to upgrade both our phones. We both just wanted the next gen Samsung. It was only available in purplish-pink in store."
"I shrugged and said it didn't matter, he's putting a case on it anyways. Guys working at the store kept trying to talk me out of it, actively pushing me to go to another store, making them lose commission, just so my partner wouldn't have a feminine phone. He used his pink phone for 3 years."
– Caity26
Life Skills
"I've been criticized for knowing how to sew and cook. Those are essential life skills!"
– placeholderNull
"My father was a Marine drill instructor in the 50's. Guess who did all the sewing in my house growing up?"
"Yeah, no one dared to call him gay for it."
– desrever1138
Here are examples of guidelines for being a manly man, according to manly men.
Manly Appetite
"Not a straight man but... back in my bartending days I asked a man if he wanted to see a dessert menu. He said 'if I wanted dessert I'd order wings like a real man.'"
"Weird flex but okay."
– BigJiggies
When I'm In The Mood, I Masticate
"When I'm feeling extra manly, I just take a bite out of a cow and then chew on some raw wheat."
"Like a man."
– AmigoDelDiabla
No Appointments Necessary For Straight Men
"I left a pick-up basketball game because I had an appointment to get a haircut. Evidently, the only straight way to get a haircut is as a walk in."
– patricksaurus
Abiding By The Law Is So Gay
"Using turn signals. And not as some sort of euphemism, but literally using them while driving to turn or change lanes."
– Sargatanus
In grade school, some fellow classmates asked me to check for gum on my shoe because they saw me step in some.
When I lifted my leg to take a gander, the boys were howling hysterically as if my actions confirmed something.
Well, it sure did. Apparently, if I l looked at the bottom of my shoe from in front of me, I was "normal," but since I bent my leg back and looked at the bottom of my shoe from behind, that made me "so gay."
Although, I didn't come out 'til years later, maybe those goons were onto something. Thanks for the heads up, guys.
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