Love is so grand and resplendent. We spend so much of our lives chasing it and we can become obsessed movies and literature that tell us where and how to find it. But rarely do realize that love is the most imperfect of emotions and that love stories take work in order to not derail. We have to be self aware enough to know that every relationship needs help. There are always signals along the way telling us when story is crumbling. Too often we opt not to pay attention.
Redditor u/TeamDodgy wanted know what signs will arise to warn that the love story is waning by asking.... What are signs a relationship is about to fail?
The Horsemen Approacheth.....
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Dr. Gottman studied this for 20+ years.
He determined that criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling are the four strongest signs.
This was true even during interviews with couples that did not argue and attempted to "put on a good face" during the interview process.
He called this "the four horsemen." pittsburgg
Be Louder!
When you don't even bother arguing anymore cause its not worth the effort. CCHTweaked
It would be a hell of a lot of work to come back from - because at that point, at least one partner in the couple has lost the motivation/desire to recover, even if they are afraid to lose their SO. If any couple comes back - and I mean truly back to an open ground of talking about uncomfortable and painful things and actually going through disputes with the goal of being together - then that couple deserves each other and are stronger than probably most people in interpersonal relationships. ClassyEmu
Don't be so curt....
Not wanting to spend time with you, no communication between the two of you (Short answers from her for example) And just a change of attitude in general towards you.
I've been there a few times. jamie9000000
Stoned!
Essentially, if one or both is highly critical of the other, there's a defensiveness which shuts down all meaningful communication in the relationship - this can be immediate, or slowly over time. It leads to one/both hating the other (contempt) either spoken or not.
The worst couples never fought at all; to avoid confrontation, they froze all meaningful communication and were mostly silent to each other. This is known as stonewalling.
I've been there, and it is NOT pretty. The worst part was that I loved this person and she wasn't always critical - but oh boy, could she be critical! pittsburgg
Private Thoughts....
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I would say "Asking yourself if your relationship is about to fail" is a pretty big sign your relationship is in the process of failing. Numinae
Just Leave!
Dreading them. Absolutely dreading them. Their laugh, their jokes, having sex. If you avoid them, if they avoid you.
Telling yourself that the next time he/she does something bad that you're going to break up with them, and when that bad thing doesn't happen you freeze and you don't do anything.
Wishing they would leave you alone, loving it when you finally get one day to yourself.
When your friends don't understand where you're coming from, further propelling you into the relationship where you think you're the bad guy for thinking something is wrong. Them telling you you can't have same sex friends. Them going through your phone. BumbleBlooze
What's App?
When she says she is going to sleep and you see her Whatsapp status watching movie on your friend's mobile which is hidden to you
Lmao ಠ╭╮ಠ ZampyaMaster007
I'm sorry she hurt you like that bro... CatndOstrich
The Tells....
Syrupy sweet Facebook statuses about one another.
That's a good "tell."
Happy publicly = often miserable privately.
No publicity = often happy privately.
Good podcast about this:
Hidden Brain: When It Comes To Our Lives On Social Media, 'There's Always Another Story'
Excerpt:
For a long time, Rachel Leonard felt pressure to post only positive news about her life. Even photos of the view from her front porch were carefully edited before she shared them.
"If you looked only straight you could see mountains," she said. "If you looked to the left you'd see a factory, but of course I didn't take pictures of the factory, because why would you do that?"
Plenty of us follow a similar strategy on social media. Posts about engagements and babies will receive ravenous applause. News about a grandparent passing away will elicit virtual hugs.
But fears about not making rent? Marital tensions? Hesitations about becoming a parent? Those sorts of posts – posts that show ambivalence – are verboten.
Spoiler alert: public Facebook statuses are for looking happy and successful. The real story is told in private messages.
Video: Instagram Husband gotthelowdown
The 2 Way Street....
When one or both stop being thankful about things because they think they "deserve" that thing. You know, the mentality that says "that's what he/she is supposed to do anyway."
Yes, you deserve to be taken care of, but let your SO know that you appreciate him/her. If you don't appreciate them, the things they do will slowly feel like a chore to them, and they'll get tired of doing it. Yes, you are supposed to be respected, but let them know you're thankful for the respect they show you.
The Definition of Insanity....
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When you keep having the same fight. You talk it out, promise each other changes, and everything is great for a little while. But then one or both of you slips back into an old pattern and you're back at the fight a month or two later. And it goes on like this for a while until each time it gets harder to talk it out. magikot
I Hate You!
Feeling contempt for your significant other. When you're looking at the person you're supposed to love with disdain or resentment, then it's time for the relationship to end. let_them_eat_kale
Talk to the Hand!
Not communicating with each other. Getting angry whenever your partner tries to get you to talk problems out. thehumblehorror
Oh Well....
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When one person in the relationship really stops caring about what the other side person is doing. totspur1982
Every. Little. Thing.
Arguing over every little thing. xxwatchmerun
You see my partner and I were like this, we used to argue over everything. Stress and lack of communication made us turn on each other. If you're a couple and find yourselves arguing continually over every little thing then try find the reason why. I see it too often in today's gen that giving up in relationships is easier than working through the hardships. If there's mutual love and respect hard work will make a relationship. There were times I though sack this this isn't how I want to live my life but I'm glad I committed to working on us. We made it through and we never gave up. Relationships are hard. Every experience is different, I'm just hoping to reach out to those who feel arguing (to an extent of course) might not be normal or means the relationship must be over. dippyhippy_
Good Grief.
Seeing his name come up on the phone and thinking 'good grief, what does he want now?'
The End!
When you put your arm around her shoulder at Endgame and she says "could you not." because she's still mad about a little crappy argument about her Mom the night before. FultonHomes
I'll do Me.
When you start avoiding communication with your S.O.
When the sound of your text notification makes you sigh or strikes fear because it might be your S.O. When you start to make plans just so that you have an excuse to be away from your S.O. When you start avoiding communication with your S.O. kitskill
No Interest.
When he / she doesn't seem to be interested in what you have to say and then they go out with friends more. If they don't seem as happy as when you first got together then it may be close. Its hard to tell. Disfigured_Doughnut
Where'd you go?
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When you're physically in the same room together, yet it feels as though the other person isn't there - that their thoughts and emotions are elsewhere. Back2Bach
It's Just Over.
The signs are different in every relationship but a simple thing to look for is, if this person wasn't attached to your identity as in this is so and so my gf/bf. If they weren't linked with you in that sense or having sex with you, would you be friends with them? If the answer is no then the relationship is over. Sarpanitu
I try my best to follow the law. And Lord knows how well I'm doing. There are so many obscure laws for ridiculous things, yet, scamming people of their life savings is a free pass. I'm confused... apparently, so are many others...
Save a Life
drag race drugs GIFGiphy"Hiking up prices of life saving medications. (Insulin, epi-pens, etc.)".
The Hands of Time
"Advertisement like "anti-aging" is absolutely preposterous."
"I would love to see a massive class action lawsuit against any skincare that proposes "anti-aging". Watch a judge rule in the plaintiff's favor citing that the products did not actually turn back time."
Credit
"Your credit score goes down because you cancelled a credit card."
"You want to have multiple lines of credit that you're responsible with, preferably for a long period of time, because it proves you're a reliable borrower. If you have no debt, it's almost like you've not established credit at all. Your score goes up the more lines of credit you have. It's bonkers. Someone more financially literate than me could probably explain better, though."
- isocleat
The Devil
Kate Mckinnon Snl GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphy"Hi, I'm X. We're trying to reach you regarding your car's extended warranty."
- Mtt76812
I'm at the end of my tether with these car warranty calls. I swear to God... nevermind. And advertisements needs to be more regulated. That is a start at better fixing justice.
Extra $$$
Happy Credit Card GIF by HollyoaksGiphy"Convenience fees for online ticket purchases. Why am I getting charged for saving on paper, ink, and everyone's time?"
You're Cancelled
"Companies making it really difficult to cancel things. Especially subscriptions. I think the process to subscribe to something to should be exactly the same as the process to cancel it. I'm looking at you spotify."
"Gyms in general. before they started popping up everywhere I was a member at LA fitness."
"Well I moved 2hrs away from the closest one and they wanted me to come in person to cancel, then they wanted me to send in a damn letter. I can signup online, why can't I cancel online?"
- Rektw
No muss, no fuss.
"Printer ink being ridiculously expensive for no reason."
"Buy a laser printer. Here's my oft-told tale of woe: School got out so my kids no longer had homework to print. A month or so later we needed to print a document. Our Kodak injket printer not only refused to print but said we needed to buy a new ($90) print head because the old one had gummed up, because we'd gone too long without printing."
"I went to the local office supply store and bought a Brother laser printer. It scans, it copies, it uses wifi, and most importantly it just works.About twice a year when we need to print something I go and get it out of my garage and bring it into the house, set it on the kitchen counter, plug it in, and print to it."
"It works great - even remembers my wifi settings (SSID and password) from the previous time. No muss, no fuss. If I really want to print something in color I'll use Kinkos. Turns out I literally never need to print in color."
Child Currency
"Using children to monetize your social media channels."
"It's honestly sad that their parents force them to be the face of their social media accounts, since the children will never have a normal childhood due to their fame."
Bot Thieves
Theatre GIF by StubHubGiphy"Bots buying tickets and up-charging the crap out of the price."
- pgh613
Those ticket thieves need to be taken down. No Broadway show is worth $1000! Don't fall for it kids. That mess needs to be cleaned up. There is actual crime happening to the naked eye. Let's focus there.
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