Love is so grand and resplendent. We spend so much of our lives chasing it and we can become obsessed movies and literature that tell us where and how to find it. But rarely do realize that love is the most imperfect of emotions and that love stories take work in order to not derail. We have to be self aware enough to know that every relationship needs help. There are always signals along the way telling us when story is crumbling. Too often we opt not to pay attention.
Redditor u/TeamDodgy wanted know what signs will arise to warn that the love story is waning by asking.... What are signs a relationship is about to fail?
The Horsemen Approacheth.....
Giphy
Dr. Gottman studied this for 20+ years.
He determined that criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling are the four strongest signs.
This was true even during interviews with couples that did not argue and attempted to "put on a good face" during the interview process.
He called this "the four horsemen." pittsburgg
Be Louder!
When you don't even bother arguing anymore cause its not worth the effort. CCHTweaked
It would be a hell of a lot of work to come back from - because at that point, at least one partner in the couple has lost the motivation/desire to recover, even if they are afraid to lose their SO. If any couple comes back - and I mean truly back to an open ground of talking about uncomfortable and painful things and actually going through disputes with the goal of being together - then that couple deserves each other and are stronger than probably most people in interpersonal relationships. ClassyEmu
Don't be so curt....
Not wanting to spend time with you, no communication between the two of you (Short answers from her for example) And just a change of attitude in general towards you.
I've been there a few times. jamie9000000
Stoned!
Essentially, if one or both is highly critical of the other, there's a defensiveness which shuts down all meaningful communication in the relationship - this can be immediate, or slowly over time. It leads to one/both hating the other (contempt) either spoken or not.
The worst couples never fought at all; to avoid confrontation, they froze all meaningful communication and were mostly silent to each other. This is known as stonewalling.
I've been there, and it is NOT pretty. The worst part was that I loved this person and she wasn't always critical - but oh boy, could she be critical! pittsburgg
Private Thoughts....
Giphy
I would say "Asking yourself if your relationship is about to fail" is a pretty big sign your relationship is in the process of failing. Numinae
Just Leave!
Dreading them. Absolutely dreading them. Their laugh, their jokes, having sex. If you avoid them, if they avoid you.
Telling yourself that the next time he/she does something bad that you're going to break up with them, and when that bad thing doesn't happen you freeze and you don't do anything.
Wishing they would leave you alone, loving it when you finally get one day to yourself.
When your friends don't understand where you're coming from, further propelling you into the relationship where you think you're the bad guy for thinking something is wrong. Them telling you you can't have same sex friends. Them going through your phone. BumbleBlooze
What's App?
When she says she is going to sleep and you see her Whatsapp status watching movie on your friend's mobile which is hidden to you
Lmao ಠ╭╮ಠ ZampyaMaster007
I'm sorry she hurt you like that bro... CatndOstrich
The Tells....
Syrupy sweet Facebook statuses about one another.
That's a good "tell."
Happy publicly = often miserable privately.
No publicity = often happy privately.
Good podcast about this:
Hidden Brain: When It Comes To Our Lives On Social Media, 'There's Always Another Story'
Excerpt:
For a long time, Rachel Leonard felt pressure to post only positive news about her life. Even photos of the view from her front porch were carefully edited before she shared them.
"If you looked only straight you could see mountains," she said. "If you looked to the left you'd see a factory, but of course I didn't take pictures of the factory, because why would you do that?"
Plenty of us follow a similar strategy on social media. Posts about engagements and babies will receive ravenous applause. News about a grandparent passing away will elicit virtual hugs.
But fears about not making rent? Marital tensions? Hesitations about becoming a parent? Those sorts of posts – posts that show ambivalence – are verboten.
Spoiler alert: public Facebook statuses are for looking happy and successful. The real story is told in private messages.
Video: Instagram Husband gotthelowdown
The 2 Way Street....
When one or both stop being thankful about things because they think they "deserve" that thing. You know, the mentality that says "that's what he/she is supposed to do anyway."
Yes, you deserve to be taken care of, but let your SO know that you appreciate him/her. If you don't appreciate them, the things they do will slowly feel like a chore to them, and they'll get tired of doing it. Yes, you are supposed to be respected, but let them know you're thankful for the respect they show you.
The Definition of Insanity....
Giphy
When you keep having the same fight. You talk it out, promise each other changes, and everything is great for a little while. But then one or both of you slips back into an old pattern and you're back at the fight a month or two later. And it goes on like this for a while until each time it gets harder to talk it out. magikot
I Hate You!
Feeling contempt for your significant other. When you're looking at the person you're supposed to love with disdain or resentment, then it's time for the relationship to end. let_them_eat_kale
Talk to the Hand!
Not communicating with each other. Getting angry whenever your partner tries to get you to talk problems out. thehumblehorror
Oh Well....
Giphy
When one person in the relationship really stops caring about what the other side person is doing. totspur1982
Every. Little. Thing.
Arguing over every little thing. xxwatchmerun
You see my partner and I were like this, we used to argue over everything. Stress and lack of communication made us turn on each other. If you're a couple and find yourselves arguing continually over every little thing then try find the reason why. I see it too often in today's gen that giving up in relationships is easier than working through the hardships. If there's mutual love and respect hard work will make a relationship. There were times I though sack this this isn't how I want to live my life but I'm glad I committed to working on us. We made it through and we never gave up. Relationships are hard. Every experience is different, I'm just hoping to reach out to those who feel arguing (to an extent of course) might not be normal or means the relationship must be over. dippyhippy_
Good Grief.
Seeing his name come up on the phone and thinking 'good grief, what does he want now?'
The End!
When you put your arm around her shoulder at Endgame and she says "could you not." because she's still mad about a little crappy argument about her Mom the night before. FultonHomes
I'll do Me.
When you start avoiding communication with your S.O.
When the sound of your text notification makes you sigh or strikes fear because it might be your S.O. When you start to make plans just so that you have an excuse to be away from your S.O. When you start avoiding communication with your S.O. kitskill
No Interest.
When he / she doesn't seem to be interested in what you have to say and then they go out with friends more. If they don't seem as happy as when you first got together then it may be close. Its hard to tell. Disfigured_Doughnut
Where'd you go?
Giphy
When you're physically in the same room together, yet it feels as though the other person isn't there - that their thoughts and emotions are elsewhere. Back2Bach
It's Just Over.
The signs are different in every relationship but a simple thing to look for is, if this person wasn't attached to your identity as in this is so and so my gf/bf. If they weren't linked with you in that sense or having sex with you, would you be friends with them? If the answer is no then the relationship is over. Sarpanitu
Case in point...
Redditor rallfreedom wanted us to update Santa's deliveries for the children on the naughty list, they asked:
"Since Santa is old, and coal was considered worthless back in the day, what new worthless item could Santa give to naughty children in 2021?"
If you really wanted to set me off on Christmas morning, then you should leave me something personalized. Something you how I'd hate. Like a cassette tape of 80's Christian soft rock. That would make a statement of just how naughty I've been.
What a Difference
Blockbuster GIF by Big Potato GamesGiphy"Blockbuster gift cards." ~ GamerOfGods33
"And still no one will shop at the one franchise location still open." ~ pesto_trap_god
Discs
"AOL Internet discs... (actually getting rare these days)." ~ whorton59
"After collecting enough of those AOL discs, I just open a bottle of Tennessee whiskey and make AOL disc fish wall art." ~ ExRockstar
"I wish I still had the picture, but my friend passed onto me a photo of a chair (more like a throne, if I recall) made entirely of AOL discs." ~ PM_MeYourSmilingFace
Discharge
"Outdated phone chargers." ~ TheBrotherhoods
"A correct phone charger for the device, but it only works in one very specific angle and charges the phone super slow." ~ Karl_the_stingray
"People rave about how good old Nokias were but they forget that if you went up a version like you got upgraded to a 3310 from a 3210 then all your chargers were now something like 0.25mm too small and you had to buy all new ones." ~ erroneousbosh
Interpretations...
"We currently misinterpreted what 'naughty kids get coal' originally meant. For a poor family in December, coal was the difference between warmth and freezing, hot food and not. 'Coal' was not something mean. It was like socks, now." ~ adaza
"Exactly. If the child was selfless, they would get a personal gift as a reward. If the child was selfish, they instead would get a gift to be shared with the family, forcing them to be more altruistic." ~ MoobyTheGoldenSock
Necessities...
toilet paper help GIFGiphy"Toilet paper. Just like coal, it's something the whole house needs and will use but is going to be bought anyway. It's also consumable and practical just like coal." ~ NeverGetaSpaceship
I could still use toilet paper. You never know when society is gonna go off into the deep end again and buy it all up. Remember the beginning of Covid?
Spin
fidget GIF by Future GenerationsGiphy"Idk why but I feel like fidget spinners would be pretty infuriating to the masses of children as something that still counts as a gift but is for sure a let down & past trend." ~ mmaster42
Way back when...
"An "Introduction to Windows 95" book." ~ Actual_grass
"There's one of those package shipping stores near me that sells all kinds of miscellaneous stuff. Anything to make a buck. They have a carousel stand with laminated sheets containing tips on how to use various computer programs. Still for sale as of last week: 'Shortcut keys for Windows XP' and 'Tips for using Microsoft Word 2010.'" ~ dartdoug
All Yours...
"He could give kids one of the old cables that was collected over the years but wasn't thrown away because it could need it at some point." ~ CaptWeirdBeard
"I have a tupperware tote full of those things. I'll sell it to Santa for scap value of the copper. You hear that Santa? $5 and it's all yours." ~ GreatJanitor
Dial Up
"A rotary phone." ~ cannotbefaded
"My Grandma had a rotary phone she kept(still worked so why not) as well as having a cordless phone. Had a relative that wanted to use the rotary phone the one time just to use it instead, decided they didn't want to do that again." ~ golden_fli
"Okay, I actually like rotary phones. I was young enough to remember using rotary phones and preferred using them to touch tone phones. Only because it was fun to spin the dial and watch it spin back into place." ~ GreatJanitor
So close...
ronald mcdonald mcdonalds GIFGiphy"McDonald's toys from 2 years ago. Old enough to not be popular trends, but new enough to not be collector's items." ~ GavinSnowe
McDonald's still has toys? Who knew? And those fidget spinners, how did anyone ever enjoy those? That would set me off as well.
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They say your 30's hits different, like one day you're young a hopeful and the next day you're just WAY too old for this.
What is the "this" you're suddenly too old for?
No idea. It's different for everyone, but make no mistake, it'll happen to you too.
Maybe it already has?
Reddit user BMA1500 asked:
"What sh*t are you too old for?"
Let's take a look at how "too old" hit these Reddit users.
Internet Arguments
"Arguing with ignorant people on the internet."
- Brundleflyftw
"Amen!"
"I have no patience or bandwidth to argue with random a-holes on social. Learned that lesson a long time ago."
"Too many fakes and bots now anyway. I am pretty much a 'read only' user of other platforms and only share opinions in person on polarizing issues."
- grumpybaldguy
Games
"Petty games while talking to a potential partner."
"Just be straight up and real with me. Tricks are for kids."
- Squanch42069
"I've always felt this way."
"I remember when one of my girls explained the concept of 'playing hard to get' to me and I was annoyed just hearing it."
"If I have to chase you, that means you’re running away, and I don’t have time for that. If you seem uninterested, I’ll take it on the chin and leave you alone."
"If you like me just say that. If you don’t like me just say that. It’s not hard and moves the process along much faster."
"If you text me and I’m free, I’m going to text back. I’m not going to wait three hours for aesthetic purposes."
"The list goes on."
- -helpwanted
GiphyCut That Out
"This sounds like some Instagram motivational sh*t, but spending time around people that I genuinely don't like or who make me unhappy and uncomfortable."
"There's so short of a time we have on this Earth and it just hit me right before I turned 30 that I spent a ton of that time with people who I thought sucked."
"I cut that out and I'm much happier."
- PrairieBunny91
"BOOM!"
"I realized this at my cousins wedding. I had a family member walk up to me flat out call me ugly, fat and say that I wasn’t the “good” family guy anymore."
"What!?!? Why would you even say that?? And they said it with a smile on their face the whole time..."
"After that night I haven’t spoken to them in 2 years and I’m super happy! I’m too f*cking old to be dealing with that nonsense for the rest of my life."
- MuffinTrucker
GiphyExistential Crisis
"Drinking heavily."
"It takes days to recover now, and most bad hangovers come with an existential crisis attached."
- TheOptimumLemon
"Same."
"When I was young I remember times I'd have a day off from work and be like 'Hell yeah, I'm gonna get trashed and play video games all night it's gonna be great!' "
"Now it's like "Great, I'm 3 drinks in and I'm just tired & have heart burn.' "
"It's not the same."
- dont_panic21
"I used to work 12-9pm, party the entire night. And then be back to work like a pro."
"If this was a Friday, partying used to resume Saturday afternoon. That was my early 20s."
"In my 30s now, and I wait for Fridays so that I can be dead on my bed the entire Saturday."
- youngOldMonk
"The existential crisis is the worst. Just lying there wondering what the hell you are doing with your life, what came to this and when you are going to grow out of it."
"Then it passes and life goes on."
- Noggin-a-Floggin
GiphyNothing "General"
"General admission tickets. My old ass requires a reserved seat."
- sunflakie
"Hahaha… last gen admission show I went to I had to find a 'comfortable' wall to lean on."
- jmmorart317
"When it comes to music festivals, the wife and I go for VIP just so we can get fancier washrooms and shorter lines at the food trucks."
- VanillaGorilla
"I agree but, man, it makes feel like I’m a spectator at at a concert and not part of the real party down on the floor."
- MudIsland
GiphyAsk Yourself
"Facebook."
"There comes an age when you have to consider... 'Do I really care what kind of clickbait sh*t my high school friends who I never talk to and never will see, likes?' "
"I only had Facebook because it helped with socializing in college/high school, but afterwards it's really hard to want to add new friends because they can see your history, and you can too."
- chupalaw
"Honestly, the only reason why I have a Facebook is because I still have my mom as my friend and she passed 4 years ago."
"Every time I go on there, I'm tired now."
- mxnstrs
"I deleted Facebook three years ago."
"Found out all my Marine Corps buddies were either total idiots, painfully stereotypical post-9/11 veterans, ill-informed political junkies, and mostly people I haven't had anything to do with in years."
- combativewaifu
GiphyMoving
"Moving or helping other people move. Just no."
- Hasenpfeffer_
"I've moved a lot of times and have helped many people move."
"One of the best decisions I've ever made was hiring movers. 300 bucks for the big stuff is money extremely well spent."
- aigheadish
"I've broken my body helping people move because I'm the 'young and strong guy' in the friend group. Way too many times now. F*ck that sh*t, hire movers."
- Disastrous_Budget_11
"I can agree with this."
"I used to work as a mover for a couple summers and I don't even want to move myself lmao."
- bigelmn8r
GiphyNot The Cool Old Guy
"Tik Tok."
"I told myself when I get older I need to be open minded and not the close minded grumpy old man..."
"Then I see all these obviously staged videos and corny dancing/lip syncing stuff and realize it’s inevitable I am not gonna be the cool old guy."
- traws06
"I have this exact same process with TikTok."
"I think to myself, 'I’m really the bitter old woman I said I would never be, aren’t I?' Lol"
- moothemost
"I’ve downloaded TikTok at least 3 times and deleted it almost immediately."
"I am drawing a line at TikTok. I’m old."
- theslother
GiphySince We're Talking About TikTok...
"When Macy's Thanksgiving Parade performers are introduced as "TikTok sensation" without any other credentials worth mentioning."
- Foxhound199
"I think the only performer I knew yesterday was Kelly Rowland because of Destiny’s Child."
"My google search history is full of my confusion."
- independencedaffodil
"Oh man I’m so glad we missed the parade then. Maybe I’m just too old but that would’ve been cringe."
- takeoutthewitch
GiphyWhy Are We Screaming?
"People (mainly young girls) who scream for no reason."
"I understand if you're terrified of something, but screaming when you meet up with your friends or just when the situation does not call for it makes me SO mad. I find it so infuriating."
"Just shut up. Lol."
- CatReal7672
"My kids learned a very long time ago not to scream like that. I hate excessive loud noise in any environment, but it’s especially nerve wracking in close quarters."
"My Mother-in-Law will have a dinner every so often for the family to get together. My husbands brother’s kids are so freaking annoying like this."
"We’re having pizza? Scream."
"We’re baking cookies? Scream."
"Someone found you in hide and seek? Scream."
- bluegrassmommy
"I’ve been too old for that since I was 6. Shit was ALWAYS annoying."
- Zombifi3r
GiphyReal talk, apparently I'm *very* old going by the stuff on this list.
I'm gonna need to go sit with that for a bit... let me go turn on the seat warmer so my bones aren't stiff when I stand up later.
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