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Reddit user DontMicrowaveCats asked:
What basic life skill were you surprised to find your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse didn't have when you first started dating?
and the internet had some surprising and hilarious answers.
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Lifesaver
Wife can't swim.
She said her mother wouldn't let her learn because she was afraid of her drowning. THAT'S THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT SWIMMING IS FOR! lothartheunkind
Primitive Living
This is a "what she has taught me" post. I grew up in a hoarder/squalor house (like on TV), so when I first moved out and got a place with my girlfriend at the time, I had to basically be taught every domestic skill (apart from cooking, which I had already taught myself). That was like 11 or 12 years ago, and I STILL learn things every now and then from my wife. An upbringing like that isn't something you just overcome at the drop of a hat. After being out of that environment for so long, visiting home now sometimes feels like visiting an uncontacted tribe in the Amazon where I observe primitive behaviors that I evolved out of, but are still prevalent within the family. B_Squad_Captain
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Tax Man
Had to file 7 years back taxes for a girl, she'd simply never done them and didn't know that after university and working minimum and low wage jobs since high school that it meant she'd be getting back thousands of dollars, like $21,000. EnderSword
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Back To Basics
Basic life skills. He (an ex from long ago) couldn't comprehend certain daily tasks. He thought any kind of soap could be put in the dish washer, he would leave things in the oven and forget about them for hours, thought you only needed to shower or brush your teeth every few weeks?! I once witnessed him make a milkshake and not put the lid on the blender... (stuff) went everywhere and he was genuinely perplexed at the outcome. If he didn't feel like working 1 day he'd just quit and apply for another job. The worst part was he truly believed I was an idiot for thinking him wrong or suggesting he change his habits. I felt like a wrangler at the zoo... or a parent to a 25 year old man baby. Bebeshark
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Swept Away
How to use a broom. Not like lazy, but literally has never handled a broom before and doesn't have the motor memory for a sweeping motion. I actually kind of have to work hard not to laugh as its adorably watching a grown human being handling a broom like a toddler. natha105
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Budgetary Concerns
Money management. She used to think, "Oh, I have $500 in my account, which means I can buy that $500 item!" She's since learned how to appreciate saving. aggressive_napkins
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Smile
Dental care. She nearly dumped me when I pointed out that it's not normal for teeth to be brown on the edges. I didn't notice it initially because the brown was eternally covered by white, fossilized food residue.
Eventually, I was able to make it clear that I just care about her health, and she's been working through about $5000 in fillings, root canals, and gum treatments as quickly as her insurance will let her. TBSchemer
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What a Gas
My biggest smack my head moment with my wife was when she called me and told me that she had just met with the road service guy due to running out of gas. I asked where she had run out and she told me the location.
It was in the same parking lot that contained a Shell Gas station about 50 yards away from where she was parked. Sigh.... Goblue5891x2
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Take This
Being able to determine whether my hands are free or not. Like I'll be carrying a two handed tote and she wants to hand me the glass of water she just poured. Like yes please balance it on my shoulder. thatdudecole
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Magic Dust
Cleaning. Specifically, dude had no idea where dust came from. Thought that if he didn't go over to that part of the room, it wouldn't get dusty, and therefore didn't need to be cleaned. graciewindkloppel
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One at a Time
When texting I have to write a sentence and wait an answer.
If I write more than one, she only reads the last one.
Always. mycelo
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Better Than Sliced Bread
My dad likes to make bread, and I gave my boyfriend (who I'd been dating for a year at that point) a loaf.
We decide to have a slice and he just cuts the entire loaf in half,
He wasn't sure where to go from there. I suppose a lot of people just buy sliced bread and never make their own! SaskatoonDream
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The Hinges Go in Both Directions
The ability to close cabinet doors. Snauzberries
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In His Best Interest
Compounding interest. My ex had maxed out a $500 limit credit card ten years earlier, just ignored it, and had been paying about $25/month in interest ever since.
I explained to him that the single easiest way for him to earn money was to pay it off and terminate the card -- that would be like earning $25/month for doing nothing!
He slammed his fists on the table and yelled, "No! I'm not earning anything, they're just taking my money! I'm not giving them any more!" a3wagner
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Moving Violation
How not to drive like a jackhole.
She tailgated, stopped late, swerved randomly because she wasn't paying attention, and... It has taken a lot of patience to get her to the point where i am cool with her driving the kids around. Her sister is still a horrible driver. deathtastic
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Guess Where Vegetables Come From?
An ex-GF was from a wealthy family and I'd get calls about everyday life stuff all the time:
"How do I choose which head of lettuce at the grocery store?"
"How do I use a ___ (gas pump, clothes iron, sandpaper...)?"
" Why are there so many kinds of shovels and which one should I buy?"
My favorite was her fuming about the farmers market that sold her a bag of veggies that were dirty, they had ACTUAL DIRT on them. picksandchooses
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It Says Disposable
The ability to understand how a lint roller works.
He didn't know that the sheets peel off the roll, just thought when the top sheet was covered you threw it out and got a new one. industrial_craze
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Self-Maintenance
ANYTHING that requires maintenance.
I mean anything. Like, she will listen to a fire alarm beep for hours before I come home and swap the batteries. She will try and change a light bulb while the switch is on. She does not understand the concept of circuit breakers. Every time she has a computer problem, I ask her "Did you turn it off and on" and invariably, she hasn't.
She went ~8 years between moving out of her parents home, then living with me. I don't know how she survived.
BUT she is super smart. Like, so very good with money, deans list when she went to Uni, excellent mother, reads and understands contracts. Pretty much everything I'm dumb at she's good at and vice versa. We make a really good team. KarmaAerospace
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Beep, Beep, Beep...
My friends sister secretly taught herself Korean, announced as a total surprise to everyone (including her family) that she was moving to Korea, alone, and worked there for a couple of years as an English teacher. We live in England and she had no previous connection with Korea, so this was pretty incredible.
In her mid- to late 20s she came home and moved back in with her dad, and one day the smoke alarm was beeping because the battery had run down. She wasn't sure what to do, so she rang her dad for help, despite knowing he was at work. On a ship. Fifty miles away. After he got understandably annoyed and asked what the hell she expected him to do about it, she left it beeping for about six hours until her brother got back and changed the batteries.
It still boggles my mind that someone so clearly intelligent, adventurous and apparently independent could have so little common sense when it comes to everyday life. She isn't the only person I know who can be like that though, so maybe it's a totally different part of your brain that's involved or something. EuphemiaPhoenix
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Flammable
Dated a girl who called me one night asking me if it was safe to put plastic in the oven. When I said no, she laughed nervously and said she might have set her house on fire. (She did)
I was confused by much in that conversation, but the main thing was why she was calling me and not the fire department.
She also couldn't tell her lefts from her rights.
It was odd because other than that she was a generally intelligent human being. Monochrome21
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Boom!
I had a roomie who, three months into living together, told me she'd let the gas stove run a while and use a Bic to light it.
Because she was "afraid of the clicking noise."
There were a lot of reasons I wanted to hit her in the back of the head to knock some blockage loose, but that was the time I came the closest. LittleSadEyes
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Masterchef
Cooking....like at all...she would burn pasta...
"BOIL water?? What am I...a chemist???"
It's obviously rocket surgery...PhD required. Supergunner223 Just4Things
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Big Baby
My ex was a hot mess in that regard (life skills).
He didn't know how to do anything in terms of taking care of himself. I asked him to mind the pasta that was cooking for five minutes while I went to grab something, and when I came back he was just standing there watching it boil over without doing anything. He tried to run the dishwasher, but filled it with just rinse aid instead of detergent because, "they're basically the same thing, right?". When he did laundry, he would leave the wet clothes in the washer for 3-4 days and then be surprised when they mildewed literally every time. He never budgeted, just spent whatever he felt like (mostly on expensive sports equipment, etc) and then would call his parents in a panic if he got an overdraft fee before his next payday.
He'd clearly been babied all to hell, and I would've had a lot more sympathy except that a) most of these things were pretty easy to just Google if you didn't know how to do them, and b) whenever I tried to gently correct him on how to do something, he'd fly off the handle and accuse me of being condescending and nagging. So, yeah, by the end of our relationship I'd kinda lost all respect for the guy. pdxemf
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Soap IS Soap, Right?
Me. Dawn dish soap in the dishwasher deal.
Cleaned the house, did the laundry mowed the lawn and bought flowers for the ex before she came back to her place. Final touch was having all dishes done and put away. Put dish soap in because, wtf, it's clearly soap for dishes so that'll work.
Turns out it floods the whole kitchen with bubbles.
I decided to mow while dishes were going, had to call and explain before she got back. Thankfully she thought it was hilarious and said thanks for cleaning the floors while calling me an idiot. gotbadnews
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Misdirection
My GF is a Forensics Chemistry major with two minors and she's brilliant. But she has trouble telling which way to turn when giving directions and confuses her left and right. If she says "Go left" my safest bet is probably turning right because left would be me turning into oncoming traffic, a tree, a wall, or just the way we don't need to go. It's kind of cute now, but at the beginning it was confusing. Avinan
Spell My Name
He couldn't spell my name right. My name is Hazel. It's not exactly common, but it's not super rare either; English, five letters, not so bad.
And it wasn't that he was dyslexic either -- he was whip-smart, and had no problems with spelling anything else. His text messages were all perfectly punctuated. His grammar was on point. He'd proofread my work from time to time. It's not a thing I would have expected him to have a problem with.
But in the three months we dated, I was a Hazzle, a Hazle, a Hazzel, a Hayzel and a Hayzell. Not once do I recall him getting it right. It got to the point where I thought he might be doing it on purpose, either because he thought it was cute or to annoy me, but no -- it was just a complete blind spot for him.
It didn't last. (For other reasons, but... damn, I mean, is it too much to want your name spelled right?) Portarossa
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Mama's Boys
Fundamentally, all of them. His mother basically anticipated that he would find a good woman to take care of him, so he was essentially treated as a child.
He couldn't cook, not even ramen. He didn't know how to repair a car, didn't understand how to clean, shop all. Not only did he fail to budget, he fundamentally had no clue how much stuff cost. I refused to live with him.
I know a woman raising a son like that. She has said that she's not bothering to teach him how to cook or clean because he'll find a wife to do that for him. When someone asked her what if he didn't get married, she said "he'll just make good enough money to be able to hire a maid". StyxRun GetLostYouPsycho
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Training Wheels
My husband can't ride a bike.
He was never taught. Bittysweens
Down the Drain
My wife did not know how to plunge a toilet. The first few times I was over at her place and her toilet was clogged when I entered the restroom I figured "hey, it happens, I'll just plunge it on the dl and save her the embarrassment." After a couple of years and countless low-key plunges we had to sit down and talk about checking the bowl, proper plunging technique, all that jazz. It's much better now but for a while it was this weird little secret that only I knew. pianoman616
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Can It
How to use a can opener!
I was literally blown away. How can a grown man not know how to use a car opener? LauraIngallsWilder1
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Cuff 'em
He was amazed with my sock folding skills.
You know, when you're folding laundry and pair up two matching socks side by side and then fold down the cuffs so that the socks stay paired up together.
His reaction was like he had watched me perform brain surgery. Literally mind blown. I should have taken it as a sign. pixiecut678
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Late Bloomer
Time management.
Her concept of time is so skewed it's mind boggling and it's caused her to be one of those people who "has their own time" (like people add an hour to whatever time she says she'll be anywhere).
I didn't understand it until I witnessed it first time when we were getting ready to leave somewhere together. She thinks "well I just have to throw clothes on and make up and I'm good, so leaving in half an hour is fine." However, she lets things distract her from her two main objectives and doesn't allot any extra time for such occurrences.
Example: Starts dressing and make up, then realizes she hasn't fed the dog, but also realizes she hasn't eaten so makes a quick snack, but while doing that she notices she hasn't taken the trash out and if she doesn't do it now it will attract flies, what was I doing again? Make up, oh yeah. Where's my coffee? Oh I hadn't made it yet. Better do that. What's this bowl of yogurt and granola doing here? Oh yeah, I need to eat this. Okay lets go. Wait, I need to bring this chair up to my mom on the way up to the car. Proceeds to have 5 minute argument with her mom about nothing in particular.
And suddenly we are 45 minutes late. DothrakAndRoll
When we're intoxicated, or even the slightest bit tipsy from having a little too much to drink, our immediate perspective on things is hazy.
But there's nothing like a bit of alarming news or a jarring incident to snap us out of the fog and focus on the moment.
Sometimes alcohol isn't always to blame for our impairment.
It can be a state of mind, like a perpetual numbness from being complacent in life, and all it takes is one shocking moment to rattle us back to our senses.
Curious to hear from strangers online about this type of scenario, Redditor Known_Challenge_7150 asked:
"What’s one thing that sobered you up real quick?"
These individuals were witness to shocking events that sobered them up right quick.
Bleeding Out
"Got out of a taxi and found a naked man profusely bleeding from his head crawling up the driveway in my condo. Called him an ambulance completely forgot I was absolutely wasted until 45 minutes later when I'd helped him translate and in to an amublance and stepped in my front door."
"Later a few days later learned he'd slipped in the tub and literally crawled out for help. Poor dude. He was fine but I genuinely thought he was going to die there."
– DongLaiCha
Tragic News
"At a bachelor party and we got a phone call that the groom’s father had suddenly passed."
– accountnameredacted
Bottom Of The Barrel
"I went to visit my parents back in July. I was homeless and deep into fentanyl addiction so I lost a lot of weight. My folks could see it. They knew something was up. Anyway, I spent the night and I was getting ready to leave in the morning and I looked at myself in the mirror for a good long time. I finally had enough and told them everything. They took me to detox, from there I went to rehab. Graduated in August and been living with them ever since then. I have 160 days clean and sober."
– Crotch-Monster
A reality check can be enough for some people to snap out of it.
Like Father, Like Son
"Was driving a drunk friend home, he had been on a bender again and was smart enough to call me for a lift rather than try and drive. As I helped in to his house his mother came down the stairs and said 'your as drunk as your father' and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him drunk since then, he still drinks but the thought of turning into his dad scared him out of hard drinking."
– psycospaz
Busted
"Flashing blue lights."
– FiddleOfGold
"This sobered me up just thinking about it."
– redmaple_syrup
Losing Sight
"Woke up to no sight in one eye. I had cataract surgery so just thought one of the lenses had slipped and it was an easy fix. Eye doc says nope, you had a stroke. I loved soy sauce, teriyaki sauce and salty food, which caused high blood pressure, which caused retina damage. Over six months was able to get most of my eyesight back with medication, and all back within a year. Trying to navigate life with one eye was very sobering. Started taking HBP much more seriously."
– MissHibernia
Quitting The Bottle
"Looked up someone I went to highschool with who was an awesome guy. Found out he had been dead for 3 years from alcoholism, at age 33. I made an overnight change. I hadn't started drinking that night yet, 10 months ago. Haven't touched it again since."
– omgtater
These disturbing moments were enough for Redditors to immediately come to their senses.
Unplanned House Guests
"Me and a buddy Woke up in someone’s living room, realized neither one of us knew the people, they were just nice and let 2 drunk guys sleep on their living room floor. We didn’t even say goodbye."
– Oneinsevenbillion75
Serious Health Warning
"Elevated liver enzymes."
"And the knowledge that this sh** was gonna kill me and I just couldn't orphan my family over it."
"So I opted for recovery, instead."
"Clean and sober since June 5, 2009."
– Far_Meal8674
The Joyride
"Grew up in a rural area. The little town hosted dances at the hockey arena, everyone (adults and kids) went and they overserved everyone, regardless of age. I was maybe 16 or 17 and was absolutely sh*tfaced, and jumped in the back of someone's truck with about 8 other people to go back to someone's cottage for after dance drinking. The driver (still don't know who it was) started racing one of his buddies and we whipped around small dirt roads, flying around blind corners on the wrong side of the road, going god knows how fast. It was basically a disaster waiting to happen. It was crazy scary and I was sober and thankful to be alive when we finally arrived."
– foxfood9116
The human psyche is a fascinating thing, isn't it?
How we can automatically focus on something urgent at a crucial time, even after getting buzzed from drinking too much alcohol.
But as we're in the thick of the holidays, it's a good reminder to drink responsibly and stay off the roads if you drive to your celebratory destination.
Cheers. Stay safe. And happy holidays.
We've all complained or vented about something in our lives which, in the grand scheme of things, wasn't exactly a problem, or is very easily solved.
Then there are those who complain about things that others almost hope will happen to them at some point in their lives.
These are known as "first world problems", as they are problems that pretty much only the world's one percent faces.
From having to fly business class instead of first class, or being served Roederer instead of Dom Pérignon, these complaints are often met with amusement, bewilderment, or even anger.
Redditor jennimackenzie was curious to hear the most absurd "first world problems" anyone ever complained about, leading them to ask:
"What’s the most ridiculous 'first world problem' you’ve seen people get worked up over?"
"Tale As Old As Time..."
"I once knew a mom who was legitimately devastated, to the point of tears/grief, because a doctor predicted her 8 year old daughter's final height to be around 5'2","
"Which wasn't tall enough to get cast as Belle at Disney World."
"That was the child's (and her mother's) only dream in life, apparently."
"Didn't appreciate my suggestion that she could be Minnie or Mickey."
"Lol!"
"Only a face character would do!"- TravelLovingMom
"Must Be Funny, In A Rich Man's World..."
"My boss from about a decade ago was this insanely rich dude who always went to the bank to get fresh and crisp currency."
"He'd call the bank in advance to make sure they had some on hand."
"I think he was a germaphobe."
"He had a trash can that he'd throw $1 and $5 bills in that he thought was 'dirty' and regularly just donated it vs spending it."
"I asked him why he did this and he said it was too much trouble and asked if I wanted it."
"I said f*ck yeah dumped it into my bag and when I got home it was close to $400 in singles and fives.
"Another time, he wanted to upgrade all the computers in his studio, so we went to a store and bought 10 PCs."
"They all had $150 mail in rebates and he wasn't bothered to go through the trouble of mailing them in."
"3 weeks later I received $1500 after spending a whole afternoon filling out all those goddamn forms."- azninvasion2000
Money Burn GIF by nog
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Who Wore It Better?
"When I was about 19 years old, I was at my boyfriends family BBQ."
"I was wearing this pretty floral sundress."
"His cousins girlfriend showed up in the same dress and she was SO mad that she went and changed."
"I will never understand being upset when someone is wearing the same thing as you.'
"Did you really think that your shirt you bought off the rack is going to be unique to you?"
"No."- mertsey627
Seeing Red! Or Blue In This Case...
"The blue of the balloons wasn't quite the same as the bridesmaid's sashes."
"Years ago my wife and I attended a wedding."
"It was very low key."
"The dinner was in the dining hall at the university where the couple met, cinder block walls and all."
"It was a Baptist wedding - no booze and very serious."
"The dark blue balloons attempting to liven up the hall were a slightly darker shade of blue than the sashes on the bridesmaid's dresses."
"The bride lost here sh*t and absolutely raved for nearly an hour."
"I can't remember how they finally managed to talk her down."- mechant_papa
south park wedding GIF
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See You In Court!
"Rich neighbors who end up in expensive court battles because they disagree about where a tree can be planted or whether the color of a fence fits in with the street’s 'amenity'."
'These disputes get really heated and rack up huge lawyers’ bills."
"The most pathetic part is after the judgement when they are arguing about who should pay the other party’s costs."
"Lots of affidavits filed citing the 'emotional distress' they had to endure, or painting themselves as brave warriors who were forced to take a stand to fight for 'justice'."
"Also lots of pompous litigants insisting that the judge refer to them by their 'Dr' title."
"An absolutely insane dumpster fire of entitled rich people problems."- ElectrocRaisin
It's Always People With Money Who Don't Want To Pay!
"I work in a public library."
"People will get so so mad if they have to be put on a wait list for a book."
"A popular book that just came out."
"Ok our services are not only free but so are the books."
"You’re welcome, a**holes."- Switchbladekitten
A Warm Butt Is A Happy Butt!
"My own."
"We have a bidet toilet seat (Fabulous! Everyone should have one!) and not only does it wash your bum and blow dry it, but the seat's heated!"
"It's shocking how much a heated toilet seat makes the whole process more agreeable."
"Except: We had a power outage and I went to use the toilet and the seat was cold!"
"Unacceptable!"
"This shall not stand!"
"I was really upset because it didn't feel good."
"Then I stopped and thought: This is the most first-world problem anyone's ever had."
"I was really pissed because my heiny was tepid."
"I got over it."- DeathGrover
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Holy Matrimony!
"Weddings are a gold mine for this question."
"People get so hyped up over their 'most important day of their life'."
"They'll destroy friendships, go into debt, and have crazy expectations."
"It's not always the couple who go crazy, either."
"Sometimes, it's the parents or another family member who feels entitled to control the wedding."
"It's just a party."
"Be considerate of guests, have plenty of food and drinks, and enjoy it."- magicrowantree
When Fast Food Isn't Fast Enough...
"Having to pull off to the side to wait for a drive-thru order to be brought out to you because your food isn't ready and there's a line building up behind you."- demanbmore
In Case You Don't Think Customer Service Employees Are Undervalued...
"I was working the return desk at a Target next to a military base so I have so many stories."
"One of my favorites was a lady who had her baby shower before revealing the gender and was livid that she had received floral newborn diapers when she’s having a boy."
"It was a huge box of super expensive, all organic diapers, that we didn’t carry and therefore could not return."
"I cannot accurately express her fury and disgust."
"How dare either suggest her boy could wear feminine diapers."
"I suggested she donate them if she didn’t want to use them and she instead threw away the entire box."
"When she left we pulled it out and threw it in our donate bin."
"There have also been multiple times where mom’s order massive toys and when we bring them out to the car they get furious that they aren’t wrapped."
"We don’t offer wrapping services."
"Here’s the thing, if you don’t want your kids to see the toys you got them for Christmas or their bit to day DON'T BRING THE CHILD WHEN YOU PICK IT UP."
'I’ve had multiple women scream and curse me out that I had ruined their kids Christmas by bringing the toys they ordered out to the car like they requested."- clever-mermaid-mae
Customer Service Waiting GIF by Juno Calypso
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Happiest Place On Earth!
"I used to work for Disney."
"That in itself should tell you everything."
"However for fun I'll give you two specific stories one form our tech department and one from my wife who worked bookings."
"I specifically worked for their call center to help with technical issues with magic band and the website."
"Suddenly got worse huh?"
"A right of passage call everyone has at least one story of is the 'Dome call'."
"Basically there is a subset of Disney Guest (TM) that believes if it rains at Walt Disney world there is someone that will push a button to encapsulate the whole of Disney property in a dome to keep out the rain."
"I'm not kidding."
"If this button is not pushed they call our tech department to angrily ask why."
"My wife worked booking."
"Pretty much everything including Bibbidi Bobbidi boutique and Pirate's league."
"These two things did roughly the same thing difference being price and theme."
"BBB was expensive did more and was focused on princesses, pirates league did a bit less and focused on mermaids and pirates."
"Lady called up my wife, and got pissed about BBB being booked up (It goes FAAAAST)."
"Karen: 'Im going to give the phone to my daughter and I want you to tell her how you are ruining her vacation by not letting her do BBB'."
"Wife proceeds to explain how pirate's league is so much cooler and how she can be a mermaid or pirate and basically gets the kid to start demanding to their parents about how they want to be a mermaid instead of a princess."- trollsong
Disney World GIF
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The horror!
Being booked into a junior suite at Disney World instead of an executive suite!
It's almost as bad as having no money for groceries, or no food to feed you children...
Said absolutely no one.