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When you're a kid, you tend to see your parents as all-knowing people. This is the reason why a lot of youngsters maintain the same religious and political beliefs that their parents passed down to them. However, once you become a full-grown adult, you start to realize that your parents are just regular people--insecure and scared just like the rest of us. Which makes us think, “did they really know best?"


Here are a few examples of the lessons passed down to children, before they realized that they were 100% wrong.

U/nousername1982 asked: What is that one thing your parents taught you, that later turned to be totally wrong?

​First up, relationships. A lot of times when we’re kids, our parents will teach us things about how people show their love to each other. Depending on the parents, it typically ends up being heteronormative BS, but usually well-meaning.

This is how people end up in toxic relationships as adults.

"They're only picking on you/being mean because they LIKE you."

No, no. They're just being aholes.

KnockMeYourLobes

My aunt, who babysat me after school, told me this when a boy in my class bit me in the first grade. He also punched me between the shoulder blades and was given the "boys will be boys" treatment by the teacher.

My dad told me "if he does it again tell him you're going to punch his teeth in, if he doesn't stop punch his teeth in."

He hit me again and I threatened to knock his teeth in, the teacher saw me do it and I got in trouble and was given detention. My aunt told my dad when he got home what had happened. Dad says to my aunt "yeah, I told her to say that. Kid sounds like a punk."

Camp_Express

That’s messed up.

sex ed GIF Giphy

That I would get pregnant as soon as I had sex. Told me that as a teenager, so I was terrified I'd get pregnant every time I interacted with a penis. Now (a decade later), I'm married and have been actually trying and it turns it out it's not as easy as they made it sound.

Emilyyy712

Ladies, please never try to “fix” a narcissist.

​That you have to "suffer for love" (I'm a chick). Thanks mom, you set me up for a lifetime of trying to change narcissistic losers.

Bailey052211

Grew up with only a dad. Got some stupid advice from him and the various divorcees that pass through the house:

  • The woman should be the heart of the house
  • Not feeling comfortable around a new girlfriend == not wanting my father to be happy.
  • Not liking a girlfriend which is very disrespectful to me and my family == not wanting my dad to be happy.
  • I shouldn't say what I think, just hint.
  • I should be with anyone if he agrees to be with me, and be grateful.
  • If didn't find the love of my life in high school, I won't.
  • I should immediately break up with someone if he disrespects me.

My dad was a single parent (widower. Lost my mom to cancer after I was born), so I get why he was emotionally not stable.

I really just want to ask healthy normative people for relationship advice. But I get a feeling all the normal people won't give me a bit of actual advice, because it's boring, and all the crazies will have loads.

Aywelet

That’s sexist.

Men and women couldn't be friends.

I was raised in a weird religion in which almost any amount of communication with the opposite sex was seen as dating. Regularly texting a girl? That may as well be dating. It's a belief that I've had to unlearn after moving out so that I could have normal friendships with people.

Kicooi

​Sometimes it’s just about control. The power dynamics between parent and child can cause for some problematic language, which they pass down to their kids.

Respect is shown to those who show respect.

bart simpson respect GIF Giphy

"Respect your elders" but in the sense that you should just keep quiet when you disagree with somebody older than you - turns out many people are awful regardless of their age.

Don't get me wrong, my default is to respect any new person I meet, but when a person has repeatedly shown me that they don't are about my feelings or even basic logic, I won't hold back from speaking my mind calmly, even if they see this as disrespectful.

TheevilamoebaOG

Privacy is a right.

My mum made me believe that privacy was a privilege. Wasn't until I started studying childcare and learning in depth about the rights of the child that I learned it is a right and that my mum is full of bullsh*t.

Edit : UN convention on the Rights of the child (UNCRC) article 16

Alexander_the_awsome

Privacy is a right, but parents have the right/duty to limit their minor children's privacy to the extent necessary for their health and well being.

Should parents ask their kids if they practice proper hygiene, maybe even smell the hair to make sure they are using shampoo? Possibly, depending on the child. Should parents stand in the bathroom, making sure their older kids scrub their armpits just right? Definitely not.

Should parents ask about their children's friends and days at school? Yes. Should the parents give them the third degree to get more details? Not unless there is some kind of emergency.

Chillin1066

Sounds like gaslighting to me.

That as long as we "have always been given everything we need we are loved". The emotional abuse has ruined me.

CEmofficially

This hit hard, my dad isn't a fantastic person to me and says that just because he goes to work and puts food on the table means that he respects me. He really doesn't. He's called me an embarrassment many times and emotionally abused me as well. I'm sorry to hear about your emotional abuse, just know that there's other people out there who understand and are there for you.

Lynx12321

​Finally, let’s talk about work. The standards for jobs were a lot different when our parents were kids, and sometimes they just don’t realize that things are waaaaaaay different now.

Most bosses are pretty open to conversation.

the office boss GIF Giphy

"Your job is to do whatever your boss tells you to do."

This led to a bunch of stupid situations of both me getting walked all over by employers and me quitting jobs over things that could have been fixed with a conversation.

Smyley12345

It doesn’t HAVE to be, but it’s nice when it is.

That work should be something you love

It just has to be tolerable. If you make work your life, you will feel hit hard by the rough stages of work, which any job has. And you'll feel bad for taking a sick day, or miss it when you should be enjoying time off.

LunarLeopard67

For most people its easier to be happy at the end of the work day if you feel like you are good at your job and if the work feels like it is at least somewhat useful to society in the broadest possible sense (ie working for a scammy telemarketing firm is depressing for people capable of empathy). That's not quite the same as saying you should love your job. Not everyone has to have a vocation. But you should be able to take pride in the work you did.

Neobeguine

Good point.

I was the first person in my family to have a job in a conventional office. They thought I was a monster to accept a relocation bonus, paid vacation, and trying to work a reasonable schedule. They wanted me to be one of those people who is always willing to put in extra hours, or just sit at my desk for appearances.

The problem with this is that everyone in the office hates people like that, and the management isn't going to hook you up in the end anyways.

Ooo-ooo-oooyea

​Sometimes it’s just plain depressing what our parents teach us, and we have to take time to unlearn them.

Relatable.

angry homer simpson GIF Giphy

They inadvertently taught me that adults were angry and bitter people, which has kind of destroyed my ability to interact with others, since I was afraid that anything could set someone off. I still have a hard time believing that people are a little more forgiving than I give them credit for.

RebellionD7201

That’s terrifying and so wrong.

  1. Transgender people are mentally insane. Some of my best friends are trans, and they aren't mentally insane. I'm trans, and despite my mental health, I'm not insane.
  2. All your actions are watched by god or a higher being, and he will let everyone know if you did anything wrong like wanting to play to male toys and wearing boy clothes. This just led to me developing an anxiety disorder, and for a good amount of years in elementary, I had fear that everyone knew every detail of what I was doing. Only for me to ask, and they would get confused.

Time to unlearn that.

It’s okay to do almost anything as long as you don't get caught.

I knew it wasn't a good thing as a little kid too, but my mom being basically the only person keeping me in check and scaring me back then. She saying this surely gave me a bit more a-hole freedom that may or may not be related to me now (20yo male) having poor conscience and only thing keeping me in check being police not morales. Exception is s*xual assault, my morales won't allow that. That’s something she also taught me being a rape victim herself.

ChinChins3rdHenchman

What a weird lesson.

sick ferris buellers day off GIF Giphy

Never wear makeup or take care of your appearance before going to the doctor, or else they will think you are faking and not treat you.

I had strep throat for the umpteenth time as a teen and had slumming around the house miserable for days before the agreed to take me to the doctor. When my mom saw that I had brushed my hair and put on make up, she freaked out on me. Said I didn't even look sick anymore and she almost didn't take me. It stuck with me for a long time.

Now I understand that they do an actual physical exam, take vital signs, run tests, etc...

So_very_blessed

Not helpful.

  1. Paying off a credit card is as simple as making your monthly payment every month.
  2. You'll get a good job after college as long as you graduate.
  3. It's easy to just keep a minimum of $100 in your bank account as a safety net.
  4. The only way to enforce discipline in your kids is through fear.

Most of the time when parents give you sh*tty advice, they're really just trying to protect you from making the same mistakes they did. Trouble is, that advice can end up really messing up your development, and make things harder for you in the long run.

Just remember that your parents are their own people, capable of making their own decisions. And just because they made a certain decision in life, doesn't mean that it will be the same for you. Keep on growing

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In the words of every millennial who was once on Tumblr, adulting is hard. I’ve been a legal adult for nine years now, and I still don’t fully understand taxes. I just let TurboTax do its thing and hope for the best. They REALLY need to teach that sh*t in schools.

But I’m not the only adult who still feels like a child! I think a lot of us can relate to that. And to be honest, we can be very unprepared for what life throws at us.

U/cracksandcrevices asked: What is an adult problem that nobody prepared you for?

The worst part is the cruel awakening that we actually have to, you know, do stuff on our own.​

Choosing things is hard.

Having to not only make important decisions by myself (I expected that much) but also having to do so in a timely fashion uninhibited by indecision.

Kurenai_zera

Having to make decisions is such a big thing for me. Intellectually, of course I knew I'd have to make decisions. I just want ready too make them without knowing the consequences and at the speed of life.

Billionai1

Errands eat up sooo much time.

season 2 your shoe's untied GIF by SpongeBob SquarePants Giphy

How much time you spend just doing stuff.

"Oh need to replace my tire and that's over by the store, so while I replace the tire I can do some errands and I'll save time and be home in no time" three hours later "Okay just one more errand before I head home"

Also how putting off a small task just a couple days in a row can quickly amount to a longer chore/responsibility later. "Eh I can just leave this in the sink, get to it later before bed" x 2 days "Why is this grime caked onto this plate still I've been scrubbing for 10 minutes straight!"

WhyImcalledqueen

That’s what delivery is for.

Being sick and having to care for yourself. Like when you were younger your parents would get the medicine, or the medicine cabinet would just be stocked all the time, etc. But here I am with a cold having to build up the energy to go to the supermarket to buy some asprin and throat lozenges all by myself.

Niwawhahatuira

Underwear gnomes are the true pests.

The endless cleaning. I had chores when I was a kid, but I had zero clue how much actual work went into keeping house. I cleaned my house this morning and by midweek it'll be a war zone of pet hair, crumbs, and dust. I don't even have kids wtf it's like the underpants gnomes show up when I'm asleep and mess my house up.

Sn00dlerr

Another sh*tty thing is the crushing loneliness that comes with adulthood. Why didn’t they tell us that we would have no friends after the age of 25?

The only thing I miss about school.

motivating bart simpson GIF Giphy

A lack of community. Growing up you have your elementary school. Each day you see your friends and participate in activities together. Sometimes they move away and sometimes you do, but it largely stays the same through high school and middle school. Flash forward to adulthood and you're just alone. You want to make friends IRL, but have no idea how to go about doing it without seeming creepy, desperate, or god knows what.

This is really hard when you are not overtly religious so you cannot join a religious community. My friend and I talk about this from time to time, it's arguably the hardest thing to deal with in life. It gets worse the longer you live, as you know you are outliving your generation.

Nevek_Green

The reason why I have cats.

You can go days on end without having to speak to a single person, at first it's a dream come true, after about 2 months you start talking to your toaster to pad the silence while waiting for your toast.

Austinape9

I literally haven't spoken to someone beyond saying thank you/no when buying groceries in months. At first it felt kind of freeing and now it's just kinda sad.

Peachesnplumsmf

Ditto on this advice.

The inevitably of your parents dying. My dad just passed away and I'm 25...no one could have prepared me I guess.

Mkg1995

I feel you. Mine passed away back in August when I was 28. There's nothing you can do to prepare for it, and I'm afraid I have no magic words to make it better. Just know you're not alone. I'll never say it gets "better," but it eventually starts to suck less and your hard days get a little less frequent. I'm so, so sorry.

Ginger_pale_1805

​The sad fact is, you have to start fending for yourself with no one to help you. And that’s terrifying.

Saving money is hard for this reason alone.

Basic home maintenance: when to change air filters, smoke alarm batteries, timing of lawn care, how often do you clean the gutters, are you supposed to clean under the stove, what is edging, how do you recycle, how to change locks, etc.

Ctsom

Not to mention the random costs that spring up. Trying to save up money? Good for you. Except your sink just sprung a leak so you need to pay a plumber to fix that. Now you can save money agai... Nope, car needs servicing. Okay, your can definitely save money now.... Wait, that leaky sink sprouted mold so now your bathroom needs to be gutted and redone.

TechyDad

We are all Squidward.

Being absolutely exhausted most of the time. I never thought I'd be the 'I hate everyone' guy. But I am and everyone can f*ck off.

Tuvasbien

We all become Squidward after hitting a certain age.

KvltDrummer

You either die a SpongeBob or live long enough to become a Squidward.

Me? I'm Patrick. F*ck your rat race.

Poopsicle_88

As someone who has lost a parent, I can tell you that sometimes you will never be prepared for certain events in your adult life. Everyone’s experience is different, and sometimes adulthood just means figuring it out for yourself.

You got this, grown-ups of the internet. I believe in you

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