A lot has changed since we first started communicating via text and DM. Somewhere along the way, proper punctuation went from showing manners and etiquette to being rude in some cases.
Don't act like you've never gotten a text or a message and been like "oh you better NOT take that tone of text with me."
So now everybody is out here sending texts with no punctuation because we're concerned that proper punctuation makes us look rude. But really, it's just a dot. (I'm still not using one in a text unless I want you to truly understand that I am side-eyeing you.)
In any event, one Reddit user asked:
What feels rude but actually isn't?
and yeah... get ready to feel really uncomfortable with some stuff.
You Owe Me
snap pay you back GIF by Teachers on TV Land
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Asking for money that is owed to you. It seems awkward and rude but it really isn't, or at least shouldn't be.
If you have to ask the person to pay you back, just consider that money the cost of a lesson in that persons character.
- BenStillerIsntReal
Omg yes... Not only money.. Anything that belongs to you.. And you have to kindly borrow it back
Here But Not Here
Not being available 24/7 despite being reachable 24/7
As a long-time work-from-home employee, I've had to remind people of this countless times. Just because I work from home, it does not mean that I live at work.
I work remotely PART TIME for one of my jobs. They act like I should be available 24/7. I shouldn't have to make an excuse, but I often find myself saying "ooh sorry I was called into my other job at that time" instead of being honest and saying honestly I'm not "on call" just because I'm hourly and remote
Also not being reachable all the time. Like, I've had people get mad at me for not responding to their texts/phone calls. BRO I HAVE THINGS TO DO!!! I AM NOT JUST HERE FOR YOUR PERSONAL ENJOYMENT!!! PISS OFF!!!
- kronch_
Gotta Go
Ending a conversation with someone who is legit trying to commandeer your time.
100% this. I hate feeling like a d!ck for abruptly ending conversations with door to door salespeople after they steamroll through all my polite attempts to disengage.
I wish I could upvote this a thousand times. As I've gotten older and more confident I have started to shut down one sided "conversations" and made to feel it was rude. When I have rebutted that in actuality, it is the person that is commanding your attention while fully realizing you are not interested that is rude.
I just did this 20 minutes ago. I was taking my dog out and someone stopped me to talk about the census. It's 9pm here, my dog does not like strangers. I told her I already filled it out and said have a good night, she said "well what apartment do you live in? Can I ask you more questions?" I just decided to f*** politeness and said "nope. I don't want to and my dog isn't nice. I'm leaving now."
- pestiter
Calling In Sick
Calling out of work when I am sick. Most act like I'm faking it so makes me feel bad whenever I need to due to medical issues
I tried calling out once and was told to come in. I'd been vomiting all morning. Couldn't get it to stop. So I drove it work. Driving 20 minutes, I had to pull over twice to puke. I get to the office, and I tell the boss, and he insists I get to work. In my office, I puke in the trash can three times in an hour.
He calls me into his office to assign me some project. It's going good. I feel somewhat better. I go over to his desk to retrieve some papers. And proceed to vomit all over his desk/suit. He screams at me. Threatens to fire me. And I told him "I fcking told you I was sick and vomiting all morning!"
After he calmed down, he agreed that he handled it wrong. We both went home early (though he went back). I got 5 days off to recover. I felt better almost immediately after puking in his office, so I enjoyed the paid time off.
Honesty Is A Painful Policy
Being honest with someone about their abilities. There's a way to do it without being rude.
I spent 2 years studying a craft in a very competitive field and toward the end of the 1st year I started to fall behind and my instructor started to give me polite responses instead of actual feedback. So I followed him to his office one day and said I feel like I'm getting shrugged off, I know I'm not going as well as others but lay it on me.
He didn't want to because these are peoples life-long dreams and its hard to crush people's spirits. But he laid it all on the line, said I'm going hang on for a while and fizzle out within a couple of years.
I asked for specifics, he hit back even harder. I didn't take it hard and in fact I was excited because I was going to fail anyway before he was brutally honest but now I had specifics to work on and improve on!
A couple years later we were talking and he said "you know I was wrong about you" and I got to say "no you were so right. and if you hadn't told me all of that, I wouldn't have worked on it".
Because of his honesty I had two choices that were better than the path I was on. Either find something else to do with my life, or hone in on my shortcomings and work tirelessly on them and if it hasn't gotten better a year from now then I can find something else to do with my life. I got better over that year and now work in the field I'd started my studies in. That definitely wouldn't have been the case if that instructor had kept being polite and never gave it to me straight.
You gotta be honest with people you know. Not in a mean way, not fully unsolicited. But if you're not honest with something people are trying to get good at or pursue a career in, you're setting them up for failure by not pointing out weaknesses they can fix or by accidentally encouraging them to go down a path that leads to a dead end.
- BirdHawk
Perusing The Wares
When you're at a craft fair or farmer's market or some other outdoor event where people have a bunch of tables set up to sell their wares, go up to a table to check out what they're selling, and walk away. Either you don't like what they have, or they're selling their nice soaps for waaaay too much money.
They are looking at you this whole time with this happy, expectant look on their face, like "This is it, I'm going to get a sale!" Or worse, when you ask them what they're all about, and they go into this long pitch about their thing, only for you to realize that you're not interested. I always feel like a complete a$hole for going, "Yeah. Well, okay. Bye!"
This scenario causes me so much stress. When I'm at farmer's markets/craft fairs/etc, I want to go take a look then walk away - I rarely buy things in those environments, but enjoy browsing. It's so hard to walk away after giving them hope that they'd get a sale, but I also wonder that by showing no interest at all I'm hurting their feelings and making them feel that their products are unwanted.
So I'm stuck between getting their hopes up and wasting their time, or making them feel worse that no one is even interested in the first place.
That's Not My Name
Correcting someone if they mispronounce my name.
I have such a bizarre name that is so hard to guess the pronunciation of from the spelling (thanks, mom) that people mispronounce it constantly. It's just part of my life.
I've found the best way to deal with it is to say something like "close, lots of folks have trouble with it! It's actually [correct pronunciation]". That way it isn't rude and comes off as friendly and even conversational.
This is a bit easier for me because my last name is Italian and I don't think I've ever run into someone who has mispronounced it who hasn't said it with that tone of "I'm really trying here but I know I'm butchering it.".
I like to respond with the correction and give a little sort of "But you were close!" with a chuckle to let them know all is well.
The Food Dance
Hungry Full House GIF
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Saying "no thanks" when offered more food. Especially at a family function, there's always those relatives that offer so much. I really don't need to eat that much food.
My poor wonderful brother in law, right after he married my sister, they went to visit my grandparents. My family mindset is "it's rude not to offer more food, but it won't hurt our feelings if they turn it down" where his families mindset is "if food is offered, it's rude to refuse."
This poor man ended up eating like 3 or 4 full servings of dinner before my sister realized what was happening and stepped in. He'd finish what was on his plate and my grandma offered more and he felt obligated to take and eat it.
I have kind of an opposite story. I am from a culture where "I offer it once, take it or leave it" whereas my gf is from a culture where "it's greedy to accept the first offer".
In the beginning she was going hungry and then complained that I only offered it once and didn't give her time to think. Now I try to offer something a second time, and she tries to not feel guilty for accepting the first offer.
Boundaries
Telling people what you want as far as your boundaries.
"I really don't like being touched. Please don't touch me."
"I prefer not to text a lot during work hours."
"I don't like making last minute plans. Next time please let's set up plans ahead of time."
"I don't think we really click. I don't think this is working."
But standing up for your boundaries encourages people to stand up for theirs, too.
- VeryBun
Kiosk Conundrum
Rejecting kiosk workers feels rude, but i digress.
I went to a mall and I have really big, thick hair. One girl asked me if I ever straighten it and I said no and she was like "well, this straightener is easy, less damaging, let me try it on you!" And I said no thanks and then she's like "come on i insist!" And I was like noooooo f*cking thank you.
Then like an hour later I walked by the same kiosk again and a different guy was working and asked to try the straightener on my hair and I said no, and he asked "why not" and I said because I don't like straightening my hair. He's like "well this is not time consuming!" And I got really mad and kinda yelled "I'm not buying a hair straightener from you!"
- assliam
First Class
Had my honeymoon last December, and I upgraded our seats for the long flight. Of course, this includes higher boarding priority than coach, which I had never experienced before.
Boarding the plane for the trip home we walked up to the gate just after our group had finished boarding and I walked past the line, straight to the front and boarded ahead of everyone still queuing for coach. A few people made comments like "I guess they think they're more important than we are", which was pretty rude if you ask me.
There was nothing wrong with it, we actually boarded later than we should have and couldn't put our bags in the "reserved" overhead space because it was filled.
I used to be a flight attendant, people in coach complaining about the perks of first class happened on almost every flight. It got to the point where I would just straight up say yes, when you pay more you get more.
Knock Knock
Not answering your own door when someone knocks.
People, you don't need to answer your own door. You don't have to hide so the person doesn't see you either. Stare at them through the window until they walk away if you want. It's your house, they are bothering you.
There are a hundred reasons why a person won't answer their door--you're napping, you're in the bathroom, you're on the phone, you're in the backyard, you're sick, you're eating, you're too lazy, you don't feel safe, etc, hell you just don't fcking feel like it--hopefully the person picks one in their head quickly and kindly fcks off your porch.
- Waddlow
Don't Touch My Hair
Okay, sooo I'm a black woman. If someone asks to touch my hair and I say, "no," that should be all there is to it. Please don't get mad at me because I don't want you, a stranger to touch my fro.
OMG, this. My girlfriend is black and keeps her hair natural. The number of times people don't even fcking ask before putting their hands in it makes me stabby.
Ok I'm white, and I guess us white people have boring hair cause we don't get asked that, but I live in a mostly black neighborhood and I hear a LOT of black women get asked that like when they're out shopping or whatever, and I just think....wtf why do people just go around touching y'all's hair???!!! I cannot imagine why anyone would think it's fine to just come up and touch your hair BUT IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. Wtf.
Leave Me Alone
Asking your family to not interrupt when you're working.
Some people just don't get that if I'm on page 600 of marking a 650-page paper, and you interrupt me to argue about politics, or complain that the dog just shat on the carpet, I have to go back to page 1.
And then you wait until I get to page 630 before you walk in and interrupt me again. Back to page 1.
And when I'm on page 649, just leave me the hell alone.
Genuinely Interested
Asking further questions after someone shares a personal, sometimes traumatic story. Don't want to come off as I'm fishing but I'm genuinely interested.
Gravel
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Turning down a useless or unwanted gift.
I feel like a dick because the person is being kind to give me something, but at the same time I don't want to carry around the gravel you tried to give me when I told you I like rocks.
Feels similar to turning down food you don't enjoy.
Not Your Therapist
Refraining from offering support/giving advice to someone when you know you are not emotionally able or comfortable. The amount of times I've had complete strangers and acquaintances unload heavy emotional news on me is insane.
I had a camp counselor that I met once during a university sponsored event repetitively text me out of the blue about their 3+ disorders every time they had a major depressive episode (which was frequently). Of course I helped out a much as I could and they were already receiving professional help, but at some point I knew that being their emotional rock was literally causing me mental anguish myself.
I'm an extremely empathetic person, so I tend to take on other's emotions in my own, so I just stopped responding. I can't be your psychiatrist or therapist, I'm sorry.
Hygiene or More Work
Taking a new plate for every serving you take from a buffet. I know it has to do with hygiene but hear me out. I was raised in a family that believes you can take many servings so we don't take a ton of food every go to avoid food waste.
Because of this, my plate is never very dirty and I always feel like I'm giving them more wash up work when I could just use the plate again.
- Lark1987
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