A lot has changed since we first started communicating via text and DM. Somewhere along the way, proper punctuation went from showing manners and etiquette to being rude in some cases.
Don't act like you've never gotten a text or a message and been like "oh you better NOT take that tone of text with me."
So now everybody is out here sending texts with no punctuation because we're concerned that proper punctuation makes us look rude. But really, it's just a dot. (I'm still not using one in a text unless I want you to truly understand that I am side-eyeing you.)
In any event, one Reddit user asked:
What feels rude but actually isn't?
and yeah... get ready to feel really uncomfortable with some stuff.
You Owe Me
snap pay you back GIF by Teachers on TV LandGiphyAsking for money that is owed to you. It seems awkward and rude but it really isn't, or at least shouldn't be.
If you have to ask the person to pay you back, just consider that money the cost of a lesson in that persons character.
- BenStillerIsntReal
Omg yes... Not only money.. Anything that belongs to you.. And you have to kindly borrow it back
Here But Not Here
Not being available 24/7 despite being reachable 24/7
As a long-time work-from-home employee, I've had to remind people of this countless times. Just because I work from home, it does not mean that I live at work.
I work remotely PART TIME for one of my jobs. They act like I should be available 24/7. I shouldn't have to make an excuse, but I often find myself saying "ooh sorry I was called into my other job at that time" instead of being honest and saying honestly I'm not "on call" just because I'm hourly and remote
Also not being reachable all the time. Like, I've had people get mad at me for not responding to their texts/phone calls. BRO I HAVE THINGS TO DO!!! I AM NOT JUST HERE FOR YOUR PERSONAL ENJOYMENT!!! PISS OFF!!!
- kronch_
Gotta Go
Ending a conversation with someone who is legit trying to commandeer your time.
100% this. I hate feeling like a d!ck for abruptly ending conversations with door to door salespeople after they steamroll through all my polite attempts to disengage.
I wish I could upvote this a thousand times. As I've gotten older and more confident I have started to shut down one sided "conversations" and made to feel it was rude. When I have rebutted that in actuality, it is the person that is commanding your attention while fully realizing you are not interested that is rude.
I just did this 20 minutes ago. I was taking my dog out and someone stopped me to talk about the census. It's 9pm here, my dog does not like strangers. I told her I already filled it out and said have a good night, she said "well what apartment do you live in? Can I ask you more questions?" I just decided to f*** politeness and said "nope. I don't want to and my dog isn't nice. I'm leaving now."
- pestiter
Calling In Sick
Calling out of work when I am sick. Most act like I'm faking it so makes me feel bad whenever I need to due to medical issues
I tried calling out once and was told to come in. I'd been vomiting all morning. Couldn't get it to stop. So I drove it work. Driving 20 minutes, I had to pull over twice to puke. I get to the office, and I tell the boss, and he insists I get to work. In my office, I puke in the trash can three times in an hour.
He calls me into his office to assign me some project. It's going good. I feel somewhat better. I go over to his desk to retrieve some papers. And proceed to vomit all over his desk/suit. He screams at me. Threatens to fire me. And I told him "I fcking told you I was sick and vomiting all morning!"
After he calmed down, he agreed that he handled it wrong. We both went home early (though he went back). I got 5 days off to recover. I felt better almost immediately after puking in his office, so I enjoyed the paid time off.
Honesty Is A Painful Policy
Being honest with someone about their abilities. There's a way to do it without being rude.
I spent 2 years studying a craft in a very competitive field and toward the end of the 1st year I started to fall behind and my instructor started to give me polite responses instead of actual feedback. So I followed him to his office one day and said I feel like I'm getting shrugged off, I know I'm not going as well as others but lay it on me.
He didn't want to because these are peoples life-long dreams and its hard to crush people's spirits. But he laid it all on the line, said I'm going hang on for a while and fizzle out within a couple of years.
I asked for specifics, he hit back even harder. I didn't take it hard and in fact I was excited because I was going to fail anyway before he was brutally honest but now I had specifics to work on and improve on!
A couple years later we were talking and he said "you know I was wrong about you" and I got to say "no you were so right. and if you hadn't told me all of that, I wouldn't have worked on it".
Because of his honesty I had two choices that were better than the path I was on. Either find something else to do with my life, or hone in on my shortcomings and work tirelessly on them and if it hasn't gotten better a year from now then I can find something else to do with my life. I got better over that year and now work in the field I'd started my studies in. That definitely wouldn't have been the case if that instructor had kept being polite and never gave it to me straight.
You gotta be honest with people you know. Not in a mean way, not fully unsolicited. But if you're not honest with something people are trying to get good at or pursue a career in, you're setting them up for failure by not pointing out weaknesses they can fix or by accidentally encouraging them to go down a path that leads to a dead end.
- BirdHawk
Perusing The Wares
When you're at a craft fair or farmer's market or some other outdoor event where people have a bunch of tables set up to sell their wares, go up to a table to check out what they're selling, and walk away. Either you don't like what they have, or they're selling their nice soaps for waaaay too much money.
They are looking at you this whole time with this happy, expectant look on their face, like "This is it, I'm going to get a sale!" Or worse, when you ask them what they're all about, and they go into this long pitch about their thing, only for you to realize that you're not interested. I always feel like a complete a$hole for going, "Yeah. Well, okay. Bye!"
This scenario causes me so much stress. When I'm at farmer's markets/craft fairs/etc, I want to go take a look then walk away - I rarely buy things in those environments, but enjoy browsing. It's so hard to walk away after giving them hope that they'd get a sale, but I also wonder that by showing no interest at all I'm hurting their feelings and making them feel that their products are unwanted.
So I'm stuck between getting their hopes up and wasting their time, or making them feel worse that no one is even interested in the first place.
That's Not My Name
Correcting someone if they mispronounce my name.
I have such a bizarre name that is so hard to guess the pronunciation of from the spelling (thanks, mom) that people mispronounce it constantly. It's just part of my life.
I've found the best way to deal with it is to say something like "close, lots of folks have trouble with it! It's actually [correct pronunciation]". That way it isn't rude and comes off as friendly and even conversational.
This is a bit easier for me because my last name is Italian and I don't think I've ever run into someone who has mispronounced it who hasn't said it with that tone of "I'm really trying here but I know I'm butchering it.".
I like to respond with the correction and give a little sort of "But you were close!" with a chuckle to let them know all is well.
The Food Dance
Hungry Full House GIFGiphySaying "no thanks" when offered more food. Especially at a family function, there's always those relatives that offer so much. I really don't need to eat that much food.
My poor wonderful brother in law, right after he married my sister, they went to visit my grandparents. My family mindset is "it's rude not to offer more food, but it won't hurt our feelings if they turn it down" where his families mindset is "if food is offered, it's rude to refuse."
This poor man ended up eating like 3 or 4 full servings of dinner before my sister realized what was happening and stepped in. He'd finish what was on his plate and my grandma offered more and he felt obligated to take and eat it.
I have kind of an opposite story. I am from a culture where "I offer it once, take it or leave it" whereas my gf is from a culture where "it's greedy to accept the first offer".
In the beginning she was going hungry and then complained that I only offered it once and didn't give her time to think. Now I try to offer something a second time, and she tries to not feel guilty for accepting the first offer.
Boundaries
Telling people what you want as far as your boundaries.
"I really don't like being touched. Please don't touch me."
"I prefer not to text a lot during work hours."
"I don't like making last minute plans. Next time please let's set up plans ahead of time."
"I don't think we really click. I don't think this is working."
But standing up for your boundaries encourages people to stand up for theirs, too.
- VeryBun
Kiosk Conundrum
Rejecting kiosk workers feels rude, but i digress.
I went to a mall and I have really big, thick hair. One girl asked me if I ever straighten it and I said no and she was like "well, this straightener is easy, less damaging, let me try it on you!" And I said no thanks and then she's like "come on i insist!" And I was like noooooo f*cking thank you.
Then like an hour later I walked by the same kiosk again and a different guy was working and asked to try the straightener on my hair and I said no, and he asked "why not" and I said because I don't like straightening my hair. He's like "well this is not time consuming!" And I got really mad and kinda yelled "I'm not buying a hair straightener from you!"
- assliam
First Class
Had my honeymoon last December, and I upgraded our seats for the long flight. Of course, this includes higher boarding priority than coach, which I had never experienced before.
Boarding the plane for the trip home we walked up to the gate just after our group had finished boarding and I walked past the line, straight to the front and boarded ahead of everyone still queuing for coach. A few people made comments like "I guess they think they're more important than we are", which was pretty rude if you ask me.
There was nothing wrong with it, we actually boarded later than we should have and couldn't put our bags in the "reserved" overhead space because it was filled.
I used to be a flight attendant, people in coach complaining about the perks of first class happened on almost every flight. It got to the point where I would just straight up say yes, when you pay more you get more.
Knock Knock
Not answering your own door when someone knocks.
People, you don't need to answer your own door. You don't have to hide so the person doesn't see you either. Stare at them through the window until they walk away if you want. It's your house, they are bothering you.
There are a hundred reasons why a person won't answer their door--you're napping, you're in the bathroom, you're on the phone, you're in the backyard, you're sick, you're eating, you're too lazy, you don't feel safe, etc, hell you just don't fcking feel like it--hopefully the person picks one in their head quickly and kindly fcks off your porch.
- Waddlow
Don't Touch My Hair
Okay, sooo I'm a black woman. If someone asks to touch my hair and I say, "no," that should be all there is to it. Please don't get mad at me because I don't want you, a stranger to touch my fro.
OMG, this. My girlfriend is black and keeps her hair natural. The number of times people don't even fcking ask before putting their hands in it makes me stabby.
Ok I'm white, and I guess us white people have boring hair cause we don't get asked that, but I live in a mostly black neighborhood and I hear a LOT of black women get asked that like when they're out shopping or whatever, and I just think....wtf why do people just go around touching y'all's hair???!!! I cannot imagine why anyone would think it's fine to just come up and touch your hair BUT IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. Wtf.
Leave Me Alone
Asking your family to not interrupt when you're working.
Some people just don't get that if I'm on page 600 of marking a 650-page paper, and you interrupt me to argue about politics, or complain that the dog just shat on the carpet, I have to go back to page 1.
And then you wait until I get to page 630 before you walk in and interrupt me again. Back to page 1.
And when I'm on page 649, just leave me the hell alone.
Genuinely Interested
Asking further questions after someone shares a personal, sometimes traumatic story. Don't want to come off as I'm fishing but I'm genuinely interested.
Gravel
art photoshop GIFGiphyTurning down a useless or unwanted gift.
I feel like a dick because the person is being kind to give me something, but at the same time I don't want to carry around the gravel you tried to give me when I told you I like rocks.
Feels similar to turning down food you don't enjoy.
Not Your Therapist
Refraining from offering support/giving advice to someone when you know you are not emotionally able or comfortable. The amount of times I've had complete strangers and acquaintances unload heavy emotional news on me is insane.
I had a camp counselor that I met once during a university sponsored event repetitively text me out of the blue about their 3+ disorders every time they had a major depressive episode (which was frequently). Of course I helped out a much as I could and they were already receiving professional help, but at some point I knew that being their emotional rock was literally causing me mental anguish myself.
I'm an extremely empathetic person, so I tend to take on other's emotions in my own, so I just stopped responding. I can't be your psychiatrist or therapist, I'm sorry.
Hygiene or More Work
Taking a new plate for every serving you take from a buffet. I know it has to do with hygiene but hear me out. I was raised in a family that believes you can take many servings so we don't take a ton of food every go to avoid food waste.
Because of this, my plate is never very dirty and I always feel like I'm giving them more wash up work when I could just use the plate again.
- Lark1987
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Experiencing death is a fascinating and frightening idea.
Who doesn't want to know what is waiting for us on the other side?
But so many of us want to know and then come back and live a little longer.
It would be so great to be sure there is something else.
But the whole dying part is not that great, so we'll have to rely on other people's accounts.
Redditor AlaskaStiletto wanted to hear from everyone who has returned to life, so they asked:
"Redditors who have 'died' and come back to life, what did you see?"
Sensations
Happy Good Vibes GIF by Major League SoccerGiphy"My dad's heart stopped when he had a heart attack and he had to be brought back to life. He kept the paper copy of the heart monitor which shows he flatlined. He said he felt an overwhelming sensation of peace, like nothing he had felt before."
PeachesnPain
Recovery
"I had surgical complications in 2010 that caused a great deal of blood loss. As a result, I had extremely low blood pressure and could barely stay awake. I remember feeling like I was surrounded by loved ones who had passed. They were in a circle around me and I knew they were there to guide me onwards. I told them I was not ready to go because my kids needed me and I came back."
"My nurse later said she was afraid she’d find me dead every time she came into the room."
"It took months, and blood transfusions, but I recovered."
good_golly99
Take Me Back
"Overwhelming peace and happiness. A bright airy and floating feeling. I live a very stressful life. Imagine finding out the person you have had a crush on reveals they have the same feelings for you and then you win the lotto later that day - that was the feeling I had."
"I never feared death afterward and am relieved when I hear of people dying after suffering from an illness."
rayrayrayray
Free
The Light Minnie GIF by (G)I-DLEGiphy"I had a heart surgery with near-death experience, for me at least (well the possibility that those effects are caused by morphine is also there) I just saw black and nothing else but it was warm and I had such inner peace, its weird as I sometimes still think about it and wish this feeling of being so light and free again."
TooReDTooHigh
This is why I hate surgery.
You just never know.
Shocked
Giphy"More of a near-death experience. I was electrocuted. I felt like I was in a deep hole looking straight up in the sky. My life flashed before me. Felt sad for my family, but I had a deep sense of peace."
Admirable_Buyer6528
The SOB
"Nursing in the ICU, we’ve had people try to die on us many times during the years, some successfully. One guy stood out to me. His heart stopped. We called a code, are working on him, and suddenly he comes to. We hadn’t vented him yet, so he was able to talk, and he started screaming, 'Don’t let them take me, don’t let them take me, they are coming,' he was scared and yelling."
"Then he yelled a little more, as we tried to calm him down, he screamed, 'No, No,' and gestured towards the end of the bed, and died again. We didn’t get him back. It was seriously creepy. We called his son to tell him the news, and the son said basically, 'Good, he was an SOB.'”
1-cupcake-at-a-time
Colors
"My sister died and said it was extremely peaceful. She said it was very loud like a train station and lots of talking and she was stuck in this area that was like a curtain with lots of beautiful colors (colors that you don’t see in real life according to her) a man told her 'He was sorry, but she had to go back as it wasn’t her time.'"
Hannah_LL7
"I had a really similar experience except I was in an endless garden with flowers that were colors I had never seen before. It was quiet and peaceful and a woman in a dress looked at me, shook her head, and just said 'Not yet.' As I was coming back, it was extremely loud, like everyone in the world was trying to talk all at once. It was all very disorienting but it changed my perspective on life!"
huntokarrr
The Fog
"I was in a gray fog with a girl who looked a lot like a young version of my grandmother (who was still alive) but dressed like a pioneer in the 1800s she didn't say anything but kept pulling me towards an opening in the wall. I kept refusing to go because I was so tired."
"I finally got tired of her nagging and went and that's when I came to. I had bled out during a c-section and my heart could not beat without blood. They had to deliver the baby and sew up the bleeders. refill me with blood before they could restart my heart so, like, at least 12 minutes gone."
Fluffy-Hotel-5184
Through the Walls
"My spouse was dead for a couple of minutes one miserable night. She maintains that she saw nothing, but only heard people talking about her like through a wall. The only thing she remembers for absolute certain was begging an ER nurse that she didn't want to die."
"She's quite alive and well today."
Hot-Refrigerator6583
Well let's all be happy to be alive.
It seems to be all we have.
Trying to lose weight is a struggle understood by many people regardless of size.
The goal of reaching a healthy weight may seem unattainable, but with diet and exercise, it can pay off through persistence and discipline.
Seeing the pounds gradually drop off can also be a great motivator and incentivize people to stay the course.
Those who've achieved their respective weight goals shared their experiences when Redditor apprenti8455 asked:
"People who lost a lot of weight, what surprises you the most now?"
Redditors didn't see these coming.
Shiver Me Timbers
"I’m always cold now!"
– Telrom_1
"I had a coworker lose over 130 pounds five or six years ago. I’ve never seen him without a jacket on since."
– r7ndom
"140 lbs lost here starting just before COVID, I feel like that little old lady that's always cold, damn this top comment was on point lmao."
– mr_remy
Drawing Concern
"I lost 100 pounds over a year and a half but since I’m old(70’s) it seems few people comment on it because (I think) they think I’m wasting away from some terminal illness."
– dee-fondy
"Congrats on the weight loss! It’s honestly a real accomplishment 🙂"
"Working in oncology, I can never comment on someone’s weight loss unless I specifically know it was on purpose, regardless of their age. I think it kind of ruffles feathers at times, but like I don’t want to congratulate someone for having cancer or something. It’s a weird place to be in."
– LizardofDeath
Unleashing Insults
"I remember when I lost the first big chunk of weight (around 50 lbs) it was like it gave some people license to talk sh*t about the 'old' me. Old coworkers, friends, made a lot of not just negative, but harsh comments about what I used to look like. One person I met after the big loss saw a picture of me prior and said, 'Wow, we wouldn’t even be friends!'”
"It wasn’t extremely common, but I was a little alarmed by some of the attention. My weight has been up and down since then, but every time I gain a little it gets me a little down thinking about those things people said."
– alanamablamaspama
Not Everything Goes After Losing Weight
"The loose skin is a bit unexpected."
– KeltarCentauri
"I haven’t experienced it myself, but surgery to remove skin takes a long time to recover. Longer than bariatric surgery and usually isn’t covered by insurance unless you have both."
– KatMagic1977
"It definitely does take a long time to recover. My Dad dropped a little over 200 pounds a few years back and decided to go through with skin removal surgery to deal with the excess. His procedure was extensive, as in he had skin taken from just about every part of his body excluding his head, and he went through hell for weeks in recovery, and he was bedridden for a lot of it."
– Jaew96
These Redditors shared their pleasantly surprising experiences.
Shopping
"I can buy clothes in any store I want."
– WaySavvyD
"When I lost weight I was dying to go find cute, smaller clothes and I really struggled. As someone who had always been restricted to one or two stores that catered to plus-sized clothing, a full mall of shops with items in my size was daunting. Too many options and not enough knowledge of brands that were good vs cheap. I usually went home pretty frustrated."
– ganache98012
No More Symptoms
"Lost about 80 pounds in the past year and a half, biggest thing that I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen mentioned on here yet is my acid reflux and heartburn are basically gone. I used to be popping tums every couple hours and now they just sit in the medicine cabinet collecting dust."
– colleennicole93
Expanding Capabilities
"I'm all for not judging people by their appearance and I recognise that there are unhealthy, unachievable beauty standards, but one thing that is undeniable is that I can just do stuff now. Just stamina and flexibility alone are worth it, appearance is tertiary at best."
– Ramblonius
People Change Their Tune
"How much nicer people are to you."
"My feet weren't 'wide' they were 'fat.'"
– LiZZygsu
"Have to agree. Lost 220 lbs, people make eye contact and hold open doors and stuff"
"And on the foot thing, I also lost a full shoe size numerically and also wear regular width now 😅"
– awholedamngarden
It's gonna take some getting used to.
Bones Everywhere
"Having bones. Collarbones, wrist bones, knee bones, hip bones, ribs. I have so many bones sticking out everywhere and it’s weird as hell."
– Princess-Pancake-97
"I noticed the shadow of my ribs the other day and it threw me, there’s a whole skeleton in here."
– bekastrange
Knee Pillow
"Right?! And they’re so … pointy! Now I get why people sleep with pillows between their legs - the knee bones laying on top of each other (side sleeper here) is weird and jarring."
– snic2030
"I lost only 40 pounds within the last year or so. I’m struggling to relate to most of these comments as I feel like I just 'slimmed down' rather than dropped a ton. But wow, the pillow between the knees at night. YES! I can relate to this. I think a lot of my weight was in my thighs. I never needed to do this up until recently."
– Strongbad23
More Mobility
"I’ve lost 100 lbs since 2020. It’s a collection of little things that surprise me. For at least 10 years I couldn’t put on socks, or tie my shoes. I couldn’t bend over and pick something up. I couldn’t climb a ladder to fix something. Simple things like that I can do now that fascinate me."
"Edit: Some additional little things are sitting in a chair with arms, sitting in a booth in a restaurant, being able to shop in a normal store AND not needing to buy the biggest size there, being able to easily wipe my butt, and looking down and being able to see my penis."
– dma1965
People making significant changes, whether for mental or physical health, can surely find a newfound perspective on life.
But they can also discover different issues they never saw coming.
That being said, overcoming any challenge in life is laudable, especially if it leads to gaining confidence and ditching insecurities.