A lot has changed since we first started communicating via text and DM. Somewhere along the way, proper punctuation went from showing manners and etiquette to being rude in some cases.
Don't act like you've never gotten a text or a message and been like "oh you better NOT take that tone of text with me."
So now everybody is out here sending texts with no punctuation because we're concerned that proper punctuation makes us look rude. But really, it's just a dot. (I'm still not using one in a text unless I want you to truly understand that I am side-eyeing you.)
In any event, one Reddit user asked:
What feels rude but actually isn't?
and yeah... get ready to feel really uncomfortable with some stuff.
You Owe Me
snap pay you back GIF by Teachers on TV Land
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Asking for money that is owed to you. It seems awkward and rude but it really isn't, or at least shouldn't be.
If you have to ask the person to pay you back, just consider that money the cost of a lesson in that persons character.
- BenStillerIsntReal
Omg yes... Not only money.. Anything that belongs to you.. And you have to kindly borrow it back
Here But Not Here
Not being available 24/7 despite being reachable 24/7
As a long-time work-from-home employee, I've had to remind people of this countless times. Just because I work from home, it does not mean that I live at work.
I work remotely PART TIME for one of my jobs. They act like I should be available 24/7. I shouldn't have to make an excuse, but I often find myself saying "ooh sorry I was called into my other job at that time" instead of being honest and saying honestly I'm not "on call" just because I'm hourly and remote
Also not being reachable all the time. Like, I've had people get mad at me for not responding to their texts/phone calls. BRO I HAVE THINGS TO DO!!! I AM NOT JUST HERE FOR YOUR PERSONAL ENJOYMENT!!! PISS OFF!!!
- kronch_
Gotta Go
Ending a conversation with someone who is legit trying to commandeer your time.
100% this. I hate feeling like a d!ck for abruptly ending conversations with door to door salespeople after they steamroll through all my polite attempts to disengage.
I wish I could upvote this a thousand times. As I've gotten older and more confident I have started to shut down one sided "conversations" and made to feel it was rude. When I have rebutted that in actuality, it is the person that is commanding your attention while fully realizing you are not interested that is rude.
I just did this 20 minutes ago. I was taking my dog out and someone stopped me to talk about the census. It's 9pm here, my dog does not like strangers. I told her I already filled it out and said have a good night, she said "well what apartment do you live in? Can I ask you more questions?" I just decided to f*** politeness and said "nope. I don't want to and my dog isn't nice. I'm leaving now."
- pestiter
Calling In Sick
Calling out of work when I am sick. Most act like I'm faking it so makes me feel bad whenever I need to due to medical issues
I tried calling out once and was told to come in. I'd been vomiting all morning. Couldn't get it to stop. So I drove it work. Driving 20 minutes, I had to pull over twice to puke. I get to the office, and I tell the boss, and he insists I get to work. In my office, I puke in the trash can three times in an hour.
He calls me into his office to assign me some project. It's going good. I feel somewhat better. I go over to his desk to retrieve some papers. And proceed to vomit all over his desk/suit. He screams at me. Threatens to fire me. And I told him "I fcking told you I was sick and vomiting all morning!"
After he calmed down, he agreed that he handled it wrong. We both went home early (though he went back). I got 5 days off to recover. I felt better almost immediately after puking in his office, so I enjoyed the paid time off.
Honesty Is A Painful Policy
Being honest with someone about their abilities. There's a way to do it without being rude.
I spent 2 years studying a craft in a very competitive field and toward the end of the 1st year I started to fall behind and my instructor started to give me polite responses instead of actual feedback. So I followed him to his office one day and said I feel like I'm getting shrugged off, I know I'm not going as well as others but lay it on me.
He didn't want to because these are peoples life-long dreams and its hard to crush people's spirits. But he laid it all on the line, said I'm going hang on for a while and fizzle out within a couple of years.
I asked for specifics, he hit back even harder. I didn't take it hard and in fact I was excited because I was going to fail anyway before he was brutally honest but now I had specifics to work on and improve on!
A couple years later we were talking and he said "you know I was wrong about you" and I got to say "no you were so right. and if you hadn't told me all of that, I wouldn't have worked on it".
Because of his honesty I had two choices that were better than the path I was on. Either find something else to do with my life, or hone in on my shortcomings and work tirelessly on them and if it hasn't gotten better a year from now then I can find something else to do with my life. I got better over that year and now work in the field I'd started my studies in. That definitely wouldn't have been the case if that instructor had kept being polite and never gave it to me straight.
You gotta be honest with people you know. Not in a mean way, not fully unsolicited. But if you're not honest with something people are trying to get good at or pursue a career in, you're setting them up for failure by not pointing out weaknesses they can fix or by accidentally encouraging them to go down a path that leads to a dead end.
- BirdHawk
Perusing The Wares
When you're at a craft fair or farmer's market or some other outdoor event where people have a bunch of tables set up to sell their wares, go up to a table to check out what they're selling, and walk away. Either you don't like what they have, or they're selling their nice soaps for waaaay too much money.
They are looking at you this whole time with this happy, expectant look on their face, like "This is it, I'm going to get a sale!" Or worse, when you ask them what they're all about, and they go into this long pitch about their thing, only for you to realize that you're not interested. I always feel like a complete a$hole for going, "Yeah. Well, okay. Bye!"
This scenario causes me so much stress. When I'm at farmer's markets/craft fairs/etc, I want to go take a look then walk away - I rarely buy things in those environments, but enjoy browsing. It's so hard to walk away after giving them hope that they'd get a sale, but I also wonder that by showing no interest at all I'm hurting their feelings and making them feel that their products are unwanted.
So I'm stuck between getting their hopes up and wasting their time, or making them feel worse that no one is even interested in the first place.
That's Not My Name
Correcting someone if they mispronounce my name.
I have such a bizarre name that is so hard to guess the pronunciation of from the spelling (thanks, mom) that people mispronounce it constantly. It's just part of my life.
I've found the best way to deal with it is to say something like "close, lots of folks have trouble with it! It's actually [correct pronunciation]". That way it isn't rude and comes off as friendly and even conversational.
This is a bit easier for me because my last name is Italian and I don't think I've ever run into someone who has mispronounced it who hasn't said it with that tone of "I'm really trying here but I know I'm butchering it.".
I like to respond with the correction and give a little sort of "But you were close!" with a chuckle to let them know all is well.
The Food Dance
Hungry Full House GIF
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Saying "no thanks" when offered more food. Especially at a family function, there's always those relatives that offer so much. I really don't need to eat that much food.
My poor wonderful brother in law, right after he married my sister, they went to visit my grandparents. My family mindset is "it's rude not to offer more food, but it won't hurt our feelings if they turn it down" where his families mindset is "if food is offered, it's rude to refuse."
This poor man ended up eating like 3 or 4 full servings of dinner before my sister realized what was happening and stepped in. He'd finish what was on his plate and my grandma offered more and he felt obligated to take and eat it.
I have kind of an opposite story. I am from a culture where "I offer it once, take it or leave it" whereas my gf is from a culture where "it's greedy to accept the first offer".
In the beginning she was going hungry and then complained that I only offered it once and didn't give her time to think. Now I try to offer something a second time, and she tries to not feel guilty for accepting the first offer.
Boundaries
Telling people what you want as far as your boundaries.
"I really don't like being touched. Please don't touch me."
"I prefer not to text a lot during work hours."
"I don't like making last minute plans. Next time please let's set up plans ahead of time."
"I don't think we really click. I don't think this is working."
But standing up for your boundaries encourages people to stand up for theirs, too.
- VeryBun
Kiosk Conundrum
Rejecting kiosk workers feels rude, but i digress.
I went to a mall and I have really big, thick hair. One girl asked me if I ever straighten it and I said no and she was like "well, this straightener is easy, less damaging, let me try it on you!" And I said no thanks and then she's like "come on i insist!" And I was like noooooo f*cking thank you.
Then like an hour later I walked by the same kiosk again and a different guy was working and asked to try the straightener on my hair and I said no, and he asked "why not" and I said because I don't like straightening my hair. He's like "well this is not time consuming!" And I got really mad and kinda yelled "I'm not buying a hair straightener from you!"
- assliam
First Class
Had my honeymoon last December, and I upgraded our seats for the long flight. Of course, this includes higher boarding priority than coach, which I had never experienced before.
Boarding the plane for the trip home we walked up to the gate just after our group had finished boarding and I walked past the line, straight to the front and boarded ahead of everyone still queuing for coach. A few people made comments like "I guess they think they're more important than we are", which was pretty rude if you ask me.
There was nothing wrong with it, we actually boarded later than we should have and couldn't put our bags in the "reserved" overhead space because it was filled.
I used to be a flight attendant, people in coach complaining about the perks of first class happened on almost every flight. It got to the point where I would just straight up say yes, when you pay more you get more.
Knock Knock
Not answering your own door when someone knocks.
People, you don't need to answer your own door. You don't have to hide so the person doesn't see you either. Stare at them through the window until they walk away if you want. It's your house, they are bothering you.
There are a hundred reasons why a person won't answer their door--you're napping, you're in the bathroom, you're on the phone, you're in the backyard, you're sick, you're eating, you're too lazy, you don't feel safe, etc, hell you just don't fcking feel like it--hopefully the person picks one in their head quickly and kindly fcks off your porch.
- Waddlow
Don't Touch My Hair
Okay, sooo I'm a black woman. If someone asks to touch my hair and I say, "no," that should be all there is to it. Please don't get mad at me because I don't want you, a stranger to touch my fro.
OMG, this. My girlfriend is black and keeps her hair natural. The number of times people don't even fcking ask before putting their hands in it makes me stabby.
Ok I'm white, and I guess us white people have boring hair cause we don't get asked that, but I live in a mostly black neighborhood and I hear a LOT of black women get asked that like when they're out shopping or whatever, and I just think....wtf why do people just go around touching y'all's hair???!!! I cannot imagine why anyone would think it's fine to just come up and touch your hair BUT IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. Wtf.
Leave Me Alone
Asking your family to not interrupt when you're working.
Some people just don't get that if I'm on page 600 of marking a 650-page paper, and you interrupt me to argue about politics, or complain that the dog just shat on the carpet, I have to go back to page 1.
And then you wait until I get to page 630 before you walk in and interrupt me again. Back to page 1.
And when I'm on page 649, just leave me the hell alone.
Genuinely Interested
Asking further questions after someone shares a personal, sometimes traumatic story. Don't want to come off as I'm fishing but I'm genuinely interested.
Gravel
art photoshop GIF
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Turning down a useless or unwanted gift.
I feel like a dick because the person is being kind to give me something, but at the same time I don't want to carry around the gravel you tried to give me when I told you I like rocks.
Feels similar to turning down food you don't enjoy.
Not Your Therapist
Refraining from offering support/giving advice to someone when you know you are not emotionally able or comfortable. The amount of times I've had complete strangers and acquaintances unload heavy emotional news on me is insane.
I had a camp counselor that I met once during a university sponsored event repetitively text me out of the blue about their 3+ disorders every time they had a major depressive episode (which was frequently). Of course I helped out a much as I could and they were already receiving professional help, but at some point I knew that being their emotional rock was literally causing me mental anguish myself.
I'm an extremely empathetic person, so I tend to take on other's emotions in my own, so I just stopped responding. I can't be your psychiatrist or therapist, I'm sorry.
Hygiene or More Work
Taking a new plate for every serving you take from a buffet. I know it has to do with hygiene but hear me out. I was raised in a family that believes you can take many servings so we don't take a ton of food every go to avoid food waste.
Because of this, my plate is never very dirty and I always feel like I'm giving them more wash up work when I could just use the plate again.
- Lark1987
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But we should also be prepared and ready to ask the right questions to have a leg up on the competition.
"What is THE best question to ask on a job interview?"
A company's history or information about a past employee were suggested subjects appropriate for questioning.
Prior Knowledge
"When you were interviewing here, what would you have liked to know before you joined?"
"This worked for me. I asked my interviewer a question about how she had personally dealt with a company policy she had just explained. She bragged about her stellar adherence to the policy. I nodded my approval. I got the job."
A Previous Employee
"One that has always gone over well for me:"
"What were some qualities that the previous employee in this role brought to the job that you would like to see carried forward?"
"Another good thing to do is research the company you are interviewing with and you can ask things about what they may be involved in or you could drop that while reading about the company, you wondered this."
Hypothetical questions were suggested as helpful examples of inquiry.
Indicators Of How Companies Treat Employees
"A question that landed me a job once was: 'If I asked your direct reports about your management style, what do you think they'd tell me?' Stumped a hiring manager and he emailed me personally to tell me about it, no one ever asked him that question but got the job.
"In my current interviews I'm asking 'what did your company do for its employees during [the virus] to improve their day to day, work life balance, etc.' and I ask 'Is there anything your company adopted during [the virus] that they plan to keep post [the virus]?"
"These questions give a lot of insight into whether a company treated their employees well."
Past Performance & Adjustments
"If we were currently sitting in my 1 year review, what would I have done in this year for you to say I excelled in my role?"
"If I could snap my finger right now and change anything about your job or the company, what would it be and why?"
The following questions about a prospective company may not be answered from initial digging on their website.
Measure Of Success & Career Trajectories
"How is success measured in this role?"
"What are some possible career trajectories within the company that could stem from this position?"
Being A Solution
"Ask them what is the biggest problem you can solve for them in your first six months with the company. Similar to 'don't think of a purple hippo,' this forces them to imagine you succeeding in the position."
Simply The Best
"Who is your best employee and why is he/she the best?"
"You will then face 2 situations mostly:"
"panicking CEO who can't answer you 'Bob who works 17 hours a day for a slice of bread' so the fear in their faces must be a big nono for you"
"entusiast CEO who actually follow their business and can tell you who is an added value for the company and why."
– ThePiz91
My experiences with job interviews are different than others seeking work in office environments.
Having had a years-long career as a dancer, my "interview" was the dance audition, where hopefuls dance in small groups of people at a time after learning a routine and then awaiting their fate after the panel evaluates their performances.
The question I may or may not have asked in such a scenario earlier in my career was: "Did I make the cut?"
I did not make the cut. And I learned never to ask that again.
I remember the worst date I ever had. My biggest regret is that I stayed for the entire thing. I should've left as soon as I realized this was not going well, which was basically at hello. But he was paying so I drank, a lot. I'll keep names and dates to myself to protect the innocent.
0/10
Big Brother Reaction GIF by Big Brother After DarkGiphy"Went to brewery, date said I had hairy arms and that meant I was horny, said "you look really awful in this light" and then tried to dig out of that hole by saying in his native language that was a term of endearment long term couples said to each other. 0/10 did not date again."
Lucky 13?
"My wife wanted to plan our 13th wedding anniversary. I was excited because usually, I plan it. She bought us some new disc golf discs and after a quick supper, we went to play. We hadn't played in forever. We were laughing and I had a great time. She served me with divorce papers and told me that the date was a test to see if she still had feelings for me. I also learned that she was having an affair that started well before our anniversary."
- rmorlock
Two Hours from Home
"Not necessarily a date but a person I was dating invited me to his parent's house for the afternoon. He wanted to introduce me to them and show me the house he grew up in. I thought it was super sweet and had no problems going. He was also in the middle of moving and needed to pick up a few things, so it really didn't seem that unusual."
"Yeah, we got there and it was awful. His entire family was there. They traveled from hours away too. This was not just meeting the parents, it was meeting the ENTIRE family. Even worse? At some point, this idiot told his parents that he had proposed. We had been dating TWO months. I spent the entire afternoon dumbfounded and just playing along."
"We were two hours from home and I had no cell service, no way to leave at all. We ended up spending the afternoon brainstorming wedding ideas and planning an Alaskan honeymoon that his parents planned to gift us. His brother even called to say congratulations! We drove back to his apartment in silence. When we got there, I got in my car and left, didn't even bother grabbing my stuff. Weirdest experience ever. I have no idea how he broke it to his parents that we weren't getting married."
You're Cut Off!
"Got set up on a blind date once between mutual friends. She shows up to the restaurant already a little tipsy, orders multiple appetizers and only takes like one or two bites from each one. Then she proceeds to order 3 or 4 more drinks and is visibly drunk at this point. She gets up and says she's going to the bathroom and staggers off. About 15-20 minutes go by so I try to call her several times but no answer."
"Finally I decide to pay the check and just leave. About 2 hours later I'm sitting at home and I get a call from an unknown number. It's the police department. She was picked up on a DUI on her way home after she ditched me and gave the cops my number to see if I could go bail her out!"
- mox44ah
Sorry?
Bbc Three Idk GIF by BBCGiphy"Well, I gave this answer on a different topic, but it ties in with this. We were out on a date, we had been seeing each other for a while, close to a year maybe. She gets a phone call. Suddenly she looks destroyed. Her fiancé had just died in a motorcycle accident."
What in the world? I mean how can we ever expect to pair off with the dating pool being inundated with liars and nut jobs? I'm going to delete my apps.
Girl, Bye.
Sassy Beyonce GIFGiphy"Had a girl openly flirt with the bartender in front of me. She says she wasn't. But handing him her own phone and asking for his contact info in front of her date seems like it to me."
Crazy!
"Came out from a movie, late at night, and date's Camaro was stolen. Apparently, he called his WIFE (that I did not know he had) and let her know where he was and what happened. She showed up and realized he was on a date! She started chasing ME around the parking lot telling me she was going to kill me. Saved by the cops who showed up just in time to take the auto theft report."
Hey Mom
"Met a girl at a country bar one night in my 20s. We were both pretty drunk but hit it off pretty good. Ended up getting her number and we agreed we'd go on a real date. Fast forward to the date, she gets in my vehicle and... she looks almost identical to my mom. I was mortified. I was polite and we went for lunch where I found out she also had a boyfriend she "wasn't sure if she was into". Never talked to her again."
- SgtGo
Liars...
"When I was in college many years ago, before the advancement of cell phones and social media, I was chatting with a girl I met on a BBS who lived on Long Island, NY. I was 18 at the time, but lied and said I was 22 because she said she was 25. We spent a few weeks emailing each other, as well as calling each other."
"We even exchanged pics. When we finally met up, things blew up. Turns out we both lied about our ages: She was really 33, and lied because she thought she looked younger. She admitted she sent a college photo to me. We still had dinner together, but it was awkward as hell. We never spoke again."
Doubles
Kill Me Now Season 1 GIF by FriendsGiphy"It was a double date. She was more interested talking to the other girl throughout the whole thing. Found out later from the other guy that his girl cheated on him with my date."
Ummm... I think I'm just going to stay single. That is a handful of crazy. Why can't people just be honest? I swear the search for love warps people's brains. Be careful out there people.
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