Being a part of a wedding is high stakes, for better or worse. And the more complex it is, the more likely things will go wrong. Trust me--that's why I pretty much eloped. Crazy sh*t can go down when it comes to peoples' big day.
“But how bad can they be?" The answer to that is pretty freakin' horrific. Topdogkingchamp asked:
What's the worst thing you've witnessed at a wedding ?
Let’s dive in, and watch the train wreck go down. Via Reddit, of course.
Wedding slapstick is less funny than you think.
“Only horrible for one person. The main hostess for the reception of about 30 guests. She carried in the 3-tier wedding cake, rather than using a cart. She not only dropped it, but fell face first into it on the floor. First dead silence...then a few giggles....and then her emotional breakdown like I have never seen before.
She was completely devastated from both the embarrassment and ruining that special moment. We all eventually assured her that we're half drunk and don't care about the cake. The best part was that she easily collected $1000 more in tips than she would have had that not happened.”
A not-so-best man.
Jersey Shore Vinny GIF by Jersey Shore Family VacationGiphy“Was a wedding DJ for 7 years. DJ'd several hundred weddings. Seen a lot of stuff.
One horrible thing I've witnessed: I introduce the best man to give his speech and hand him the mic. He starts out by saying, (paraphrasing because this was years ago but pretty close to the quote IIRC) "Well, there were a lot of things that I didn't agree with in this relationship when it first started, and that I still don't agree with because it's seriously messed up and unbalanced and the dynamic is too one sided, etc. etc. (he's starring at the bride while saying this, proceeds to trail off)...... but......that's not why we're here today. We're here........ to celebrate the marriage between Jack and Ingrid.....so I just want to say congratulations, best of luck to you guys, etc. etc."
Everyone in the whole place was just looking around, glancing nervously at one another.
Afterwards the father of the groom or bride (can't remember which one) comes up to me and says, "Thank you for not cutting the mic. I saw you looking at the head table and at us for direction and when you didn't get it, you didn't act. I appreciate that because I think it would have been even more awkward if he had just been cut off and didn't get the chance to at least come back to congratulating them."
Most awkward compliment I've ever received.”
How rude.
“My dad taking pictures at my brothers wedding. It doesn't sound bad, but he was getting in the way of the photographer my brother hired. Ever pic he tried to take my dad was right beside him inching him out and pushing him out of the way. My brother and mom were both really pissed at him.”
Bad timing, dad.
“I've only been to one wedding and it was dad's cousin's wedding.
My dad's uncle (the groom's father) did a toast when the groom and bride were at the alter, and he said, "I'm glad I made it out here today. I just want you guys to know that I have cancer and I'm going to die soon. Congrats to my son and his beautiful bride. Enjoy your time!"
Everyone was in complete silence. It was the most awkward thing I've possibly ever witnessed.
FWIW, this was in 2008 and the groom's father is still alive."
[deleted]
At least they finished the ceremony.
“I've shared this before, and in the end it turned into a story to retell, but the pastor officiating my wedding had a heart attack, and my (now) wife and I caught him as he fell. We have video of my wife, in her wedding dress, consoling the pastor's wife, who was in tears behind the podium. One of my groomsmen is an ER doc and handled the situation well, and the pastor finally came back around. He was stubborn and insisted on finishing the ceremony (through the sound of sirens of the ambulance coming for him). Then my brother (best man) passed out minutes later. Apparently he had put on the wrong collared shirt and it was too tight around the neck. At least the EMTs had something to do while the pastor finished up.
My brother spun and handed the rings off to ER Doc groomsman as he fell, and my wife and I just busted up laughing at that point.”
Well, it can’t get any worse. That is, until the in-laws get involved.
Now that’s what I call a big yikes.
Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory Tantrum GIFGiphy“My time has come.
Good friends getting married; it was a medium-sized wedding (no more than 75 people, including the bridal party and groomsmen). The bride's sister-in-law is pissed off something mighty. It was a wedding and reception by a lake, and everyone knew the venue, so we dressed accordingly-- shirts and comfortable trousers, sundresses and sandals, etc. Sister-in-law is dressed like she's heading out for an evening of dinner and dancing. Sky-high heels, tight dress, rhinestones everywhere. She looks gorgeous! But it's not comfortable. And we're outside.
The ceremony is sweet... except for the words "F*cking bugs... f*cking pine needles, godd*mn dirt..." that's being picked up from the small (yet apparently mighty) microphone up front.
Right after the ceremony, we walk over to the gazebo/picnic area where the reception will be, and the sister-in-law starts lobbing her high heels at her husband, screeching about what an awful day it is, gashes her husband's eyebrow open. While people are scrambling to get him napkins because facial wounds bleed like a motherf*cker, and try to get him into a car to drive him the the hospital for stitches she decides to up the ante. She says "I can't take this anymore!" and throws herself off of the dock in a dramatic swan dive.
The problem is, the lake at that point was only four feet deep, and marshy, so instead of a suicide, she just sort of... bobs? along in the water because everyone's more concerned with her husband's eye/face. Sister-in-law's father just turns towards the lake, tells her to get her a** out of there and cut the sh*t.
They pile into two cars and drove off. It was surreal."
The Best 'Actually, You're Speaking To The Boss' Experience | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Maybe ask for a ride next time.
“Bride and groom were 2 hours late to the wedding.
Neither one of them has a license, but had to have a wedding out in the woods. They never thought to contact anyone and ask for a ride to their wedding.
Of course they didn't pay the cell phone bill and it got shut off. Didn't matter because there was no cell reception where we were anyway.”
That bride is kind of a bad*ss.
“Ex girlfriend of the groom showed up at the wedding...uninvited and drunk. He broke up with her 10 years earlier, and has not seen her in over 8 years. She was loud and saying very perverted thing about what she wanted to do to the groom. The bride steps up, goes all out and punches the ex in the face... knocks the ex out cold.
The bride we know is a normally calm and peaceful person. A few of us carry the ex out of the reception and drop her at her apartment about 20 min away. Bride told my wife that ‘there is nothing that will ruin my wedding day’.”
That bride is right- never let anyone ruin your special day. These next few people should’ve had that mindset.
The poor bride.
Sad Getting Married GIF by Stad GenkGiphy“My husband and I were invited to the wedding of a military buddy of his. We were running a little late, but weren't too worried. We got onto base and headed for the main chapel (there are three or four chapels on base). When we got to the main chapel, it was apparent that there was no wedding going on. Looked at the invitation again. It just said "Post chapel" and gave an address. So obviously, this wasn't the post chapel that the bride had intended and I whipped out my phone to look up the address. We drove to that part of the base and found the place. It was some sort of administration building, definitely not a chapel.
We were confused, but we found a building with "Chaplain's office" on the directory so we figured we'd been invited to some sort of civil ceremony. The building was locked. Now thoroughly confused and late at this point.
As we were wondering what we should do, we see an older gentleman in a tuxedo wandering around. He's pretty clearly in the same boat. Turns out he's the groom's father and he doesn't have any more idea what's going on than we do. After a few more minutes, a soldier arrives. He's the chaplain's assistant and he's looking for lost wedding guests (namely the groom's father). Turns out the bride put down the wrong address and the wrong chapel name on the invitation.
By the time we got to the wedding (which they had delayed because the groom's dad was missing), the bride was in tears. I felt so bad for her."
They finally started the wedding, and the chaplain gave an awkward sermon about "being clothed in Jesus' love" and lost his place several times. Finally, as the ceremony was over and the guests began to applaud, a bat fell down out of the ceiling and died.
Craziest wedding I'd ever been to."
Rule #1 of weddings: NEVER do this.
“At my friend's wedding reception, her little brother asks if he can have everyone's attention. We all think he's going to give a sweet surprise speech about his sister. When all eyes were on him, he turned to his girlfriend and said this whole wedding reminded him that he wanted to ask her an important question. Then he asked his gf to marry him.
She said yes but my friend yelled "OH HELL NO YOU DIDN'T!" and stormed out of her reception.”
“My parents had a pretty disastrous wedding. I wasn't there to witness it but my parents and the guests tell the stories all the time.
The wedding was in July, they were expecting a hot, sunny day but it ended up being a major downpour. My mother had a taxi scheduled to take her from her hotel to the church, due to the rain the taxi was super late. As my mother was waiting, in her wedding dress, she gets hit by a car. She gets knocked to the ground, but it wasn't hard enough to break any bones so she just walks it off. Unfortunately, her dress picked up a lot of the mud from her fall and a big chunk of lace was torn. It turns out the car that hit her was actually the taxi that was supposed to pick her up.
She finally makes it to the church, my father was in tears, on the verge of a nervous breakdown thinking that she wasn't going to show. Again, because of the rain, about a third of the guests didn't make it. The rest of the ceremony went ok.
At the reception, the hotel was understaffed due to the rain and the DJ couldn't make it (again, due to the rain) so the reception consisted of guests sitting around in a silent room waiting for food. A plus one soon decides that she is literally dying of hunger so she goes up and cuts a slice of the wedding cake for herself before my parents had taken pictures with the cake or sliced it.
On the positive side, later on they discovered that a restaurant in the hotel had a jukebox so the restaurant lets them move it into the banquet hall and they're able to pop in some quarters to get music playing.
It was a disaster at the time, but now they look back at it and laugh.
Edit: This was near Chicago around 40 years ago. They're no strangers to rain so I'm assuming it was some monsoon level storms or flooding... I never thought to ask."
The Goof!
Married At First Sight Lol GIF by LifetimeGiphy"A wedding I went to with my brother. It was his best friend's wedding and it was at this small town 15 minutes from me by a local lake. It's warm but it was beautiful that day and everyone was dressed up really nice."
"So they do the vows in front of the lake (with the photographer somewhere taking photos) and as they turn to face everyone else, the groom pulls out his phone super-fast and takes a selfie RIGHT there with his wife. She looked super shocked then shoved him and we all bust out laughing. He's a total goof and it was freaking hilarious."
- Lodur
Bride grabs a knife...
"Ooooh, I got one. I went to the wedding of two good friends. Bride was neglected/abused by her mum as a child, but decides to invite her as an attempt at reconciliation. So we're at the reception part of the evening. Mum is talking to Bridesmaid, and (no one knows what prompted this). Says to her "well I guess it's a good thing you can't have kids isn't it?" Bridesmaid bursts into tears, Bride grabs a knife to threaten Mum (someone stops her), Mum is bundled into car by her partner, and they disappear into the night."
6 Months Later...
"Definitely my friends wedding last year. They had only known each other for 6 months or so before they got married. She was Mormon, he was Atheist. We all thought it was really weird. The parents of the bride and groom hated each other. Two moms got into a verbal argument, then it because physical. I don't know who make the accusation, but one said they're only getting married because she's knocked up. Aaaaand she popped a baby out 6 months later trying to pass it off as a premee. Yea no."
- wtfapkin
How Depressing...
"I went to a wedding with my boyfriend a few years ago. his friend was marrying a woman that NO ONE liked. she was awful. during the ceremony we could all tell that the best man was uncomfortable. as soon as the ceremony ended the best man burst into tears for about 10 minutes and had to excuse himself."
"You could tell he just realized that is best friend was gone forever. we tried to cheer him up and reassure him that him and the groom would still be close, and that the bride wasn't too bad. Everyone present knew it was a lie and we were all just so depressed."
"Later, the bride came and yelled at our entire group (all of her husband's friends) because we weren't dancing enough. we weren't dancing because they had no DJ, just a short playlist with the couples favorite (not dance-y) songs being played on repeat. I think throughout the whole night we heard playlist start and end about 5 times."
Speechless...
"The rest of the groomsmen and I were hanging out in a room off the reception hall about 30 minutes before the ceremony started. The mother of the bride came in and asked us if we wanted her to give us all oral sex. She was a bad tweaker and was already drunk. None of us knew what to say."
- tmagnus
Not the Place
Black Man Usher GIFGiphy"The usher was handing out little pamphlets, and as he did would let every single person know that he had just got engaged recently."
some random country crap...
"The DJ got so drunk that she couldn't even stand. She didn't have the brides wedding song, so a group of people all joined hands and tried to sing the song (some random country crap) for her and she just stood in the middle of the circle crying in her dress, and no one knew the lyrics. And her father got wasted and started a fight which ended with him destroying a stop sign with his fists. Let's not forget that us in the wedding party got picked up in a NASCAR stretch limo. Classy, classy, classy Florida."
- treylek
On the spot...
"Not witnessed by me, but my ex gfs mother. A relative of the bride had a heart attack while dancing traditional Greek songs (like a big half circle of people running, she was leading the circle) She died on the spot, rest of the party was canceled. It actually made the news."
Ummm....
tove styrke run GIFGiphy"The groom waiting at the end of the aisle all smiles and happiness until a bridesmaid came quietly walking down the aisle and pulled him aside to talk to him. The bride had run off."
- Kilen13
Here’s how to not f*ck up a wedding in three easy steps: don’t make it about you, be careful with the cake, and NEVER EVER propose to your partner at someone else’s reception. It’s tacky af.
After reading this, it confirmed that I’m so glad I eloped.
Redditor Frozen_yoghurt123 asked:
"Who is the 'black sheep' of your family?"
I'm the black sheep or at least I'd like to think so.
Join me...
Scandal
"Probably my dad's cousin, who went to prison for murdering his lover's husband."
DW_555
Oh My Wow GIFGiphy"biggest disappointment"
"My Dad. He is the only one of 6 siblings who wasn't a huge f**k up. And yet, before my Grandma died she stated that he was her 'biggest disappointment.' He is estranged from his surviving siblings... not by his choice. It honestly blows my mind."
Unfair_Biscotti2828
"Toxicity is often a group mindset thing; people don't want you to leave because they are dysfunctionally co-dependent on each other and need each other to justify their own shortcomings in life. A lot of the 'family loyalty' stuff is typically shouted loudest by those who are the least good idea to stay loyal towards."
Creative_Recover
The Dead
"My great uncle who stole my great grandfathers identity, stole a couple million dollars, and ran off. No one even knew he was alive until my great grandfathers funeral in 2009. No one has seen him since. My grandma started to cry because she honestly thought he was dead."
"Everyone else just kind of nodded on his direction and went on with the rest of the funeral. I just remember being very confused because I was 9 and I had never met this guy who my dad pulled me aside and told me he was my great uncle. It was a few years later that I got the full story."
valkyrieonaunicorn
"matriarch"
"According to my mean aunt, the 'matriarch' in her own mind, it's my twin brother because "he doesn't care about family now that he's a doctor." (He's a resident. Chief resident. He works ridiculous hours and spends the rest of the time recovering from work.)"
"According to my ex-MIL (who still counts because she's Son's grandma), it's me, for divorcing her son."
"According to everyone else, it's Mean Aunt. The rest of us are warm and caring and compassionate. We have our moments; all of us have been accidentally thoughtless or done something selfish once in a while, but we're not deliberately mean and snarky all the time."
insertcaffeine
Everybody
"My immediate family are the black sheep of the entire family."
DarthDregan
John Stamos Cheers GIF by GrandfatheredGiphySounds like everyone has a little black sheep in them.
People Issues
"By now, my brother for cutting off everyone because he prefers his rude, selfish, paranoid, narcissist wife over all of us."
"My wife is the black sheep of her family in the sense that she's the only one who isn't a rude, selfish, paranoid narcissist."
Lvcivs2311
Joe Dirt Brother GIFGiphySo Dumb
"Me. My granddaddy told me 'I’ve only had the sheriff knock on my door two times in my 80 years, and both times he was looking for you! 'I did some dumb sh*t, caused a little trouble, burned a few bridges but always managed to stay out of jail. Partly because my sister has kept an attorney on retainer for me since I was 16."
This_Personality3731
Liar Liar
"My younger brother (2nd of 4) is a compulsive liar and it got him in a lot of little trouble as a teen, then he told his wife he graduated a big college when we're not even sure if he got his GED because he failed to graduate HS, went to some GED school and eventually just stopped going."
"IF he graduated college, he never mentioned he was going in the 4+ years it takes nor mention graduation or have a diploma. He's not a bad dude, but now family time is super awkward when he and his wife are talking about 'their' college team."
UniqueUsername82D
The NOT good girl...
"My aunt's daughter. She’s been in jail for drugs, stolen money from my aunt and other family members to use on drugs and physically abused my aunt. My aunt has tried getting her help, but nothing has worked. She’s just not a good person, and everyone in my family, except my aunt, doesn’t want anything to do with her. I haven’t seen her in 8 years now, and I’m happy about that."
Hello_Im_the_world
Maria?
"A former nun - my great aunt - left the religious life and got married. She called herself 'the black sheep of the family' because her habit was black."
Back2Bach
Excited Julie Andrews GIF by The Rodgers & Hammerstein OrganizationGiphyWell the black sheep sound like the most interesting family members.
Redditor OldAboba asked:
"What is the best non-sexual physical feeling you’ve ever felt?"
Adele. Adele live. She sends me.
Floating
Relaxed Exit Strategy GIF by Hannah Bronfman Giphy"I got a professional full body (everything but my man parts) massage a few years back for the first and so far only time at a spa after the recommendation from a coworker. I felt like I was floating on a cloud for the next few days."
gil_beard
Through your nose...
"Sneezing when you're sick. Then you get that about 20 second feeling of breathing through your nose again and you like ahh that's what I aspire to at the moment."
Sanguiniutron
"Or the very last sneeze of your illness. During a fire drill in high school, I was ambling out after fighting a head old for a few days. The alarm was killing my head which was already throbbing from the sinus pressure."
"I was nearing the field, well away from my classmates, when I cough/sneezed out a huge, green loogie - cleared it about three feet, no icky trail - and by the time I was walking back to the building I was feeling pretty much back to normal. No more head cold after that. Never had something like that ever happen again where there was such an abrupt end to the head cold."
NnyIsSpooky
'migraine cocktail'
"Right after a migraine goes away. It's almost a spiritual experience."
LarryLong*alls_
"This was going to be my answer. I was in the ER one time for a really bad migraine. They gave me what they called a 'migraine cocktail.' When they pushed it through the IV I could feel the cold liquid make its way through my body, up to my head. Once it hit my brain, the migraine was gone. It was pure ecstasy. Even better was that cocktail had Benadryl in it so I fell asleep not long after and slept so good."
master_baitor12
Shake It
"That stretch til you shake when you wake up."
Quanisha8472
"I once stretched too hard in the morning and got the worst calf cramp ever... it looked like a prune and I thought I would die from the pain. Couldn't stretch in bed for months afterwards out of fear it would happen again."
tevelis
"When you move over 50, it turns into that stretch til you put your back into a muscle spasm that lasts days."
wrichards12
The Itch
Scratching Feel Good GIF by 60 Second DocsGiphy"I had a cast and splint on both my legs for 2 months. When they cut it off, they scratched my legs for me and the itch was just top notch! Yeah."
Existing-Seat5962
Itching an itch can change a life.
YUM!
Emma Stone High Quality GIFGiphy"When you're starving all day and devour a bomb a** meal."
Lime_Rose
Sleep for Life
"When you’ve been up for 20 hours+ and finally get into bed and you just know it’ll be the best sleep of your life."
Ok_Sprinkles_8777
"But man, after 36+ hours, the body sort of aches and it's hard to fall asleep despite being completely exhausted. Then the restless legs kick in... ugh. I do agree that a 20hr-ish stint is amazing to cuddle into, especially if you don't have to get up at any specific time the next day."
curlyfat
"Makes it better when you’ve been sleep deprived for weeks and know you have NO PLANS tomorrow and can sleep as much as you need."
Batcraft10
That Feeling
"When you're absolutely busting for a pee and you can finally go!"
Apprehensive_Pen_793
"Apparently there’s a thing called a 'pee-gasm' that people (usually women) have that causes an orgasmic feeling when you pee after holding it for a while! I’ve definitely experienced this and I’ve intentionally waited a while so I could have that good feeling... lol."
cocoawhirl
I Can Hear!!
"The feeling of water leaving your ear after being there all day."
Apprehensive_Bet_438
"I had some impacted earwax for a week in one ear, and when it finally got removed it was the best feeling in the world. Initially it was like having a tv or radio in my ear that only had static, but then I could hear. Good god, I could hear. It was amazing."
doodwhatsrsly
"Oh man, and it’s WARM from being in your head, and the warmth makes the sensation of leaving even better."
AngiesPhalanges
A Good Rest
dog puppy GIFGiphy"Sleeping in a warm blanket in winters."
Puitzza
"Or sleeping in a cold blanket in summer."
pitypuruty
I am enthralled by all of those things.
Redditor Gold-Ad-2827 asked:
"People with mental disorders: What do you hate being told the most?"
I hated being told to just smile. You smile and go away.
Duh
seth meyers GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy"It's all in your head. Where else would it?! My colon?"
glorified_throwaway
Don't Minimize
"Everybody goes through that."
rukasu83
"This saying makes my blood boil. Or the 'I was that age once too ya know' yeah no sh*t you were that age once. And just because you were that age once doesn’t mean we have the same experience."
MasterOfRNoSleep
"They try to minimize it."
Previous_Ad7725
Stellar Advice
"You're worried? Just stop."
"You're sad? Just don't be."
"You're compulsively binge eating? Eat less."
"Thanks for that stellar advice."
CrayolaSocks
"Or even better, 'Just do it!' As if ADHD paralysis can be stopped with a can-do attitude."
HumanityIsACesspool
"physical health"
"I get so frustrated when people treat the idea of 'holistic medicine' as some kind of woo. How does it escape so many people that the body works holistically? Even a lot of doctors seem to ignore this. It's very frustrating when you have 2 or 3 or 4 illnesses that are all affecting each other, and your 'physical health' is held distinct from your mental health, and nothing anyone is doing to treat you works because no one's looking at the whole system."
"I just got a lecture from a psychiatrist I am seeing about nutrition, and he apologized to me for doing so but I told him, 'No, I appreciate it. Do it for all your patients.' because it told me he's trying to look at the whole picture and actually fix what's wrong. It gave me faith in him."
TheLastKirin
Relax
Calm Down Golden Girls GIF by TV LandGiphy"You need to calm down."
sorceress__stoned
"Never is the history of calm down has calm down ever caused anyone to calm down."
LBIdockrat
Calm down. I hate that one. You calm down.
Tips
Season 23 Reaction GIF by Law & OrderGiphy"When they try to give me tips on what to do, like bruh as if I didn't already try that."
Mediocre_Ad8282
The Standard
"You don't look sad. No crap... that's so I can avoid having this conversation. Also depression isn't 'being sad' like people think."
allgamerprogram
"God, I hate this. It's because saying 'I'm depressed' has been standard for people expressing that they're slightly unhappy about something dumb like not getting enough croutons on their salad or some crap. Now that's just what everyone assumes you mean when you say you have depression."
NilPill
Be Faster
"'Stop being lazy.'"
LadyBirdLadyBirdLady
“'Lazy' is when you don’t want to do anything at all. 'Executive disfunction' is when you can do everything at all, but that one easy quick thing that you do want to do just makes you and your brain freeze completely days ahead. I’m tired of people not understand that even when I explain and look at me like I’m bullshitting instead."
_Varien_
Ways to Cope
"Maybe you should try praying harder. I did, He prescribed medication."
Ms_Schuesher
"Praying is a way to cope for a lot of people, I think. That's totally fine, but insisting on praying in lieu of getting real help or actually addressing the issue is when it is not only unhelpful, but dangerously detrimental."
TheFrustrated
"Religious people will bypass everyone’s cultures, identity, views, and feelings just to be right and make a point. it’s disgusting. I read somewhere that real so called Christianity is all wrong. The real faith is from the Aramaic history and all the meanings were misinterpreted and the stories and all were made up by Catholics wanting to control their people. Yuck."
RisingPhoenix5271
'contamination'
Disgusted Season 6 GIF by Brooklyn Nine-NineGiphy"As someone with OCD with a lot of attention to 'contamination', having someone try to explain contradictions in why I'm doing something that is technically unclean when I wouldn't do something that is technically clean due to OCD. There are a few doorknobs that I will not touch no matter how much you clean them in front of me and I know it makes no sense, if it made sense I wouldn't have OCD i'd just be cleanly."
Zoooples
Stop trying to be an armchair therapist. Be empathetic to people first.