People Who've Been Tortured Share Their Experiences

Somethings are just too much to process...

Life can be a harrowing experience. Sadly, we have to be careful everyday of people. Some true evil walks among us and hopefully most of us will never have to be on the rage end of certain lost souls or soulless bags of flesh.

Redditor u/TheShadiestPillow wanted to ask survivors of darkness if they could share some tough experiences by asking.... [Serious] People who have been tortured, what happened, what was your experience like and what impact did it have on your life?


I was never tortured but I used to work as a SWAT medic and we had a case where there was a child about 15 years old that had been chained to their bed and tortured for about 5 years. The parents were very violent and barricaded themselves in the house which is why SWAT was called in. I was the 4th man in a 6 man entry team and when we got into that room none of us could fathom the evil that had been done to that child.

Those guys were some of the hardest people I have ever known and they all just recoiled when they saw that kid chained to his bed lying in filth. He had been beaten, starved, drugged, cut, and I don't know what else. The entry team leader went and threw up outside later. I was one of the few guys on the team that didn't have kids so it was a little bit easier for me. I started to administer care to the victim and after that everything is just image after image of pain seared into my mind.

The kid made it 2 years into foster care and then committed suicide. The team never talked about it again. We thought we were tough and stuff but torturing kids is a whole different level.

And if anyone is wondering, the parents tried to shoot us on the way in, so we smoked them. Only time I have had zero remorse having to shoot someone. PaleGazelle


Not torture in the classic sense of being tied up and beaten. But in a way, enduring years of chemo and radiation as a young child was bad enough.

You have those things (embarrassing and painful) inflicted over and over on yourself and at the same time you have to watch it happen to your friends - almost all of whom died in agonizing ways. You can't learn properly because you can't go to school very much. And then the lasting damage continues to hurt you for the rest of your life - both psychological and physical.

In the end, you're left stripped of everything. Dunno what to do or say about it. You just try and pretend it never happened and it doesn't hurt anymore. TheRainbowsEnd


I grew up in a very volatile household - mother was bipolar that refused treatment, my older sister was a hellish child that would literally have fist fights with my mom.

Through the summer when my parents worked, we stayed home by ourselves (roughly 10, sister 15). She called her boyfriend over since no one would know and they'd lock me in a small closet (mobile home) for hours at a time. I was told that if I ever told my parents about anything, they'd kill my pets and I loved animals, so that terrified me.

I've never told anyone about that except my current boyfriend. I think I repressed it for a long time, but was/am uncomfortable with signs of affected or being overly touched... it's like a light switched flipped and I get overly upset. Also not a fan of small places or feeling confined.

My mom was constantly angry at the littlest things, so I grew up always apologizing for things that weren't my fault, but trying to appease everyone. She never thought about the things she said; calling me a fat, ugly whore (lost virginity at 19) that would never amount up to anything, no man would ever love me.

The emotional toll was severe. I've struggled with depression, anxiety, self-loathing, and completely devoid of confidence. At 35, I'm just now starting to find myself and love who I've become despite all the BS.

My mother died eight years ago and I was her primary care giver in her last 6 months. I dealt with the guilt of wanting her dead so many times in my life because of the horrible things she did and said to me, but watching cancer destroy her is nothing I'd wish on anyone. It broke me for many more years.

So yeah, life's been fun. Ms_Madam_Meow


Like most people here, we shouldn't have had to go through a lot of it, my most hated was the "submission" game where my old boy would fold me in half, twist my arms or legs or trap me underneath covers so I couldn't breathe with the aim for me to tap out or say submit, but if I DID submit he would hurt me that much more so I learnt all giving up done was cos more pain. I'm 40 years old with a fear of authority and speaking up for myself but I gotta say. I can fight like a crazy person with no fear of pain. If my Dad wanted to raise a right S.O.B he succeeded but see if I ever saw ANYONE raise their hands to my sons, I'll kill them and no crap I will drop them where they stand no one should go through what I did. Scotchrain


Don't want to get into specifics. The nastiest filth on the planet was imported to the country unfortunately. Was subjected to drawn out torture by the nasty filth (which will hopefully be erased at some point). It gave me severe ptsd, anxiety issues, took years off of my life, a huge life loss on many levels, vast resulting financial losses etc. Perhaps the biggest loss is a personality contortion, going from being kind and loving to being hateful and angry. There is very real evil out there, make no mistake. acutepresence


A therapist decided the best way to cure my needle phobia was with "exposures". Under her guidance my parents bought some medical lance things (the things you use to prick your finger to test your blood), and would routinely make me stab myself with them.

I remember one time scream crying on the bed with both of my parents in the room while they tried to make me do it. I had to pee so badly that I though I was going to wet the bed in front of them, but they wouldn't let me go until I did it. They just kept saying "Just do it quick. It'll be over and then you can go to the bathroom." I was so terrified I kept trying to slowly push it into my finger instead of just pricking it. I finally did, and the let me go to the bathroom. That was the worst panic attack i had over it, but making me stab myself happened many other times.

I now suffer a very sever and crippling phobia. I can no longer get flu shots or update my vaccines. I couldn't get the birth control shot that would help my endometriosis. I will attack people or huddle up rocking back and forth hyperventilating in corners when doctors bring them into the room because they didn't take my phobia seriously. When I had to have some surgeries (many do to the Endo mentioned above), special accommodations had to be made to put me under, or to get IVs in. And even then, it always ends in tears, hyperventilating, and sometimes passing out.

It was truly traumatic, and looking back on it, probably torture. They were mentally abusive, and though not usually physically, I suppose this would count. I still have nightmares where people come after me with forks made of needles, or where people attack me with a needle of drugs to kill me. I have to close my eyes if I see one on TV.

I still haven't gotten over it, and I don't think I ever will. I don't trust therapists, which sucks because I need one for my anxiety, depression, and possibly PTSD. But how can I? Zero_Minus_One


Idk if this counts, but between the ages of approximately 2-10 my dad would spend his nights drunkenly torturing my younger brother and I. He'd do stuff like pin us against the wall by our throat, smash his face into ours and scream into it; leave the room then come charging back in with no warning, grab one of us and start beating; throw heavy objects like frying pans really hard at us; drag us out of bed by the leg if we fell asleep during a beating session etc. There's a lot more but those are the most typical events I can recall.

He'd be screaming all kinds of verbal abuse the whole time. He'd chase and hunt us down if we tried to hide, even if we got out of the house and tried to run away. He'd also make my brother and I fight each other, like actually fight. Full force hitting and we'd be pulled out and beaten by him if we refused to cooperate, so we'd obey and beat each other since it was less painful than a beating from a grown man.

My mom had had split custody and took us on weekends since our dad's house was zoned for our school. Since my dad was very sneaky about it and left as little evidence as possible, my mom never knew the extent of the trauma. She knew he was on the mean side, but we never told her about how bad it was in fear that we'd have to go back and it would be worse. If we had marks or were bleeding when she picked us up, he'd give her a story about how we got into a fight with neighborhood kids or one of us fell out of a tree. We'd always agree to the story out of fear.

On top of severe anxiety, I also have very handicapped social skills and aggression triggers. I don't act on them (unless I'm asleep, but I'm unconscious and unable to control it at that point) but I can't begin to explain the amount of rage that fills my soul when I am triggered. If someone taps my shoulder, pokes me, knocks on my head, boops my nose, puts their face right up to mine or throws something at me (especially if it hits my head) I literally fantasize about clawing their face off of their skull. If I'm asleep and someone starts tapping or grabbing me to wake me up, I'll wake up enough to swing at them until they leave me alone.

I'm also very easily startled, I enjoy haunted houses and scary movies and stuff because I'm expecting the thrill, but if someone pops out and scares me as a joke it will jump start my heart and give me an adrenaline rush large enough to beat a grown man's ass to the ground in 3 seconds. Even sudden loud noises do it for me, especially metallic clangs/crashes. It physically hurts me; my chest hurts, my heart races, I lose all focus of reality for a minute and get tunnel vision for a fight or flight response. SlytherinAhri


not really torture but when i had a pretty messed up childhood and when i was about 11 or 12 i found pro-ana communities online who made me think that if i developed anorexia i'd finally be loved and stop being a 'bad person' (which i believed i was). i tried to give myself an eating disorder by acting exactly like someone who had one, researching and watching films then copying what they did etc. obviously you cannot give yourself a mental illness though and i never developed disordered thoughts because it doesn't work that way. kept forcing the treatment on me.

anyway i was taken to therapy and i kept it up for a while but being there kind of shocked me out of it so i admitted what i was doing to them and was so relieved and ready to accept help for the issues i had. except they didn't believe me. i was forced through anorexia treatment despite not having stuff wrong with me and the more i tried to explain the situation the more i was told i was lying, trying to avoid treatment etc. was weighed twice a week, couldn't make friends because i was constantly supervised eating so couldn't really go out and see people etc.

my life from 12-15 was completely taken up by this and there was no escape. i have a high metabolism so i physically couldn't gain the weight they wanted me to no matter what i did, was accused of lying and the issues i actually did have just got worse and worse as they were ignored. i think somewhere along the line the psychs realized they got it wrong but it was kind of too late to admit that so they just kept forcing the treatment on me.

was eventually sent inpatient and one of the psychs there would compare me to the other girls, say something to me then claim she never said that, call me names and tell i was a bad person, a liar etc etc, encourage me to take PRN medication when i was panicked then make fun of me when i took it, told my parents and the other staff (the only people i ever got to see) that if i tried to speak about my "delusion" of being falsely diagnose, i was to be punished. she withheld an autism assessment i was supposed to have and told my parents i had been assessed when i hadn't.

eventually got out of there and was finally allowed to leave services at 15, am now about to turn 17 and my parents deny this ever happened, would probably believe them if i didn't know someone else it also happened to. i am now severely depressed, have a phobia of medical professionals and haven't seen a doctor since then, and developed binge eating disorder as i was so used to being forced to eat ungodly amounts of food that i don't remember what it was like to not do that. have no education or skills as i was never at school due to constantly being kept home to eat or at therapy. i just lie in bed all day. i'm finally free but have no idea what to do with myself since i never learned anything during my vital developmental years. not as bad as people on here but felt like torture to young me. still does. just horrible. tsukimishin


I've read quite a few of these and too many of them start with "not real torture but" and then go on to describe very real torture.

It's not because it's done by your boyfriend or parents that it's not torture. Not all torture is done by the government. My heart is with all of you. Guilty_Coconut


My neighbor was tortured to death almost two years ago. They pushed in an air conditioner to wait for him to get home, they tied him with duct tape, put a laundry bag over his head, and cut him with broken bottles and kitchen knives. They then stole his stuff and left him to die.

I can only guess that the lesson that he would have learned is the lesson that I surely did learn: Don't ever let someone tie you up. Make them kill you trying. Once you are bound they can do much worse than if they killed you while you were free.

Edited to Add: Link here -> Sort of doxxed myself but whatever. BigBobby2016


Some back story, My dad was in the military, I have two sisters, one older and a twin. Our babysitter was "a good christian" lady. Anyways, my twin and I be would separated by our babysitter and she would lock us in different areas of the house. Such as a hallway closet, basement, or furnace room. She also made sure we couldn't turn on the lights by holding her hand over the switch or taping it down. She would then proceed to say that she was calling monsters to come get me and make noises like they were actually in the room/closet.

Of course being five and not being able to see well in the dark I believed her. She would then leave and go off to do the same thing to my sister leaving me in the dark alone. To keep from telling our parents she would threaten to kill us and even put a knife to my sister's throat one day. This happened five days a week for about six months because our dad was TBY in Korea, and our mom worked full time so no one was home to watch us until our older sister got home from school. (She got out 2 hrs. later than us cuz she was in high school and did afterschool activities).

Eventually, after our dad returned home we told our parents because we never wanted to be babysat by her again but they didn't believe us saying that she wouldn't do those things since she was a good christian. Our older sister did believe us, thank goodness, and quite her school activities to watch us after that. To this day, I'm scared of dark places, very claustrophobic, and have trust issues. wolfgirl2243


Well, I was not tortured in the most strict sense of the word, like a prisoner would be.

But I grew up with a higly abusive, very violent step father. His beatings were way out of proportion to a kid. He would punch me and throw me around until I peed myself and couldn't barely move, and on a daily basis for any reason at all.

It really leaves a mark on you, the psychological impact is huge. I lived there from ages 13 to 17 when I finally was old enough to run away.

For years I had repeated dreams about being killed in many ways. So I never got proper rest during the night, that made me have issues to be productive during the day, it can lead to depression, anxiety, PTSD... It's really a sh!t scenario, cuz you escape but in a way are still not free.

Anyways, I hope that's not too depressing, it was a long time ago, I'm 30 years old now, things changed for better, I got the help I needed, I only have like some insomnia. I managed to don't become a violent person neither a toxic partner to my SO. So...Maybe I talked too much, sorry hahaha. EmotionalMeltdown


I grew up with an abusive brother who used to duct tape me and beat me and literally harass me all day. I used to tell my mother and she did nothing pretty much stop crying. It made me a lot less trusting of people. I don't expect help from anyone. EarlyBirdTheNightOwl


I went through emotional abuse at the hands of narc friends and people who I thought were with me due to my kind nature—I was wrong.

This led me to lose my trust in people, develop social anxiety and I now have a few friends who I can trust.

I agree with the not expecting help from others—in today's society that's the reason why homeless people are homeless—the government doesn't do anything major, and people walking by on the streets are not going to help them for free.

In this society, people make friends to gain a connection to further themselves in one facet of their life. Artistic-Result


Joe vs. Elan.School <----read

The webcomic above is a completely insane, and true, story about being psychologically and physically tortured by a "troubled-teen" cult in Maine. Everyone should read it. It is extremely eye-opening on multiple levels.

It would be dismissed as unbelievable if not for the crazy amount of proof that this place actually existed.

Believe me, clear your schedule if you start reading this. It is very addictive and puts you into that head-space of going through a very messed up and unique type of torture that apparently happened to thousands of American teenagers. dwightornado


This one was run out of Georgia and was not for teens but for adults and was fronted as a drug/alcohol rehabilitation house. It's an absolute mind-screw. I ran away 10 years ago and I'm just now getting help. I was held against my will, psychologically abused, my family was financially out a lot of money. It works because the people who go are 'troubled' so family doesn't believe the crazy stories they tell. LauraB6789


Only one person apart from those involved know about this.

Forgive my spelling.

When I was 10 my friend had a sleep over for his birthday, 3 of us in the party. All was going fantastic until my friend found his eldest brother's stash, including a Co2 pistol, booze and marijuana. My friends brothers were little psychopaths who could do no wrong in his mothers or fathers eyes. Anyway my friend took the stash to his mum and she instantly grounded the eldest brother. The sleepover continued without any problems.

A few months pass and I'm invited again to the same house by the same friend for another sleepover. His brothers were also allowed a friend each to stay, the brothers (13 and 16) were left in charge because their parents were staying away for a night. As soon the parents left the torture began. We were blind folded and we were subjected to lashings, force fed vinegar, knives held against our throats and beaten with phone books.

Just when I thought it was over I overheard one of them say "I'm coming up, they're good pills" my 10 year old brain didn't know what they were talking about. What followed was more cruelty then a mock execution. They tied a noose around my neck and stood me on a balcony, I peed my pants and started to cry, then they started laughing. They pulled me down and said "we are going to kill you but not yet".

I was then put in stress positions while they raved and poured beer over me and slapped me about, knives to my throat again.

Then we're both dragged to their parents allotment, their dad had a chopping block and axe there. Then began mock execution 2. My head was the chopping block and I heard them counting down from 3 then chop right next to me then laughter again.

They got bored eventually and left us in a room bound and gagged, I remember getting that airplane sleep feeling for an hour so, only to be awoken by the youngest brother, he untied us and told us "that's what you get for being little grasses, breath a word of this and we will kill you".

That was it over, they never touched me again.

I'm 32 now and I don't feel particularly scarred by what happened but I do think about every day. Newtons_Cradle87


Lived in an abusive household growing up and worst abuse came from my mom. If something goes wrong it was always my fault. Worse thing that ever happened was when she had someone stay over with her 2 kids who never got along with me and one night they blamed me for destroying a paper plane that they made which in truth they were mad that the ones I've made always looked good and they wanted to get me in trouble. They're mom didn't like what was going on and that caused my mom to get mad at me and took me into my room tied me to my bed post and kept hitting me with a belt until i admit that i did what the kids said.

I don't remember when but i passed out and was in the emergency room being treated for my wounds. To this day i still have a scarred lip, no feeling near my left eye, a removed rib, and half of my face is drooped. Things like this got me diagnosed with borderline personality disorder which I've been trying to overcome. Its the memories that will stick with you, haunting you in the darkest part of your mind. odagled86


A guy i used to be friends with owed some dealer (also his cousin) £15000. No one had seen him for weeks, turns out the kidnapped him, tied him up in a old warehouse, they beat him with poles, pulled ALL of his nails off, snapped all his fingers, burnt him everywhere among many many other things.

Yeah he survived, he definitely wasn't the same after that. He was always on edge, never really left the house and gained loads of weight but never told the police what happened. His cousin moved country shortly after and 'found God' then come back a few years later, he volunteers at homeless shelters and runs a anti-violence charity apparently. crazypepsicat


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