Redditor treblegetting2reddit has some serious family issues that could really use a good amount of advice because they have no idea idea what to do. They reached out to Reddit My (20f) parents have decided to bring back my mentally ill sister (33f) out of rehab to come stay with them because they're convinced that they can cure heal themselves Here is how the story goes...
My sister has schizophrenia and bipolar. I'm not really sure how because for the majority of her illnesses coming up I was a kid and didn't know what was happening. Since I was 13, I've had to room with her and I've had to deal with her long unending stories (some about her life and later on they became ramblings about things that never happened), her tampering with (and sometimes destroying or throwing away) my things, her claims of how things that belonged to me are actually hers and her little exercise routines that went on from 2 in the afternoon to 12 in the night complete with blaring music all in addition to telling me how to eat and calling me fat and stupid and whatnot. All of this with minimal intervention from my parents. The only times I had any sort of peace was when it got really bad and they'd have to admit her in the hospital a few times.
Everytime they bring her out, it's obvious that my parents feel guilty about putting her in a mental health care facility because it feels like they're abandoning her. But everytime she comes back it's like I have to deal with all her shenanigans and outbursts while they try to "heal" her. This healing ranges from them taking her to doctors, priests, shamans and sometimes messing with the doses of her medicine (lowering them gradually with no improvement at all and with no input from a doctor). It just stresses me out everytime I come back home from school because its horrible having to deal with your older sister basically acting like a child and then trying to exert her power over you because she's older and then having your parents yell and argue with you because you dared to yell at your older sister after she trashed your things. I always have to be understanding and giving and everytime there's a choice between things, I'm always asked to let her choose first.
Lately, she's been in a mental health care facility in another city and my parents visit her now and then (despite her asking them not to because she says it'll make her want to go home). Even though she hated it at first, she got used to it and later started enjoying living there. They gave her work to do to keep her busy and she was getting the help she needed. My dad kept hinting at bringing her back because apparently she was doing so well and obviously she was "healed" (I'm putting this in quotes because there's no way she's getting healed of her schizophrenia, it's impossible). I'd tell him that it was not very likely and she was probably faking being better so that she'd be able to come home and my dad would get irrationally angry and argue with me till I just backed out and said that she's your daughter, your problem not mine.
I'd been having a horrible few months because I have college and I'm stressed with a bunch of work and I come home late because I live out on the outskirts of the city and I travel by bus everyday. I've been exhausted and discouraged because I haven't been able to pursue any of my hobbies. I'm including this to show that I'm basically exhausted all the time and I'm not in the best state of mind as it is.
They went to visit her this weekend and they brought her back. They made some dumb claim about the doctor saying that "she needs to be around normal people so that it'll make her normal" therefore she was free to go. I basically gave up at this point. The first thing she told me the minute she walked into the house was that I've become fatter than I was. I just gave up my room because I knew I'd have argument after arguememt about how she treated my stuff and again when I mention how this isn't going to fix anything, my mom says I have to deal with it because she's family and she deserves to have a life too.
I brought up having to not have my own room anymore and my mom basically said fine she'll sleep with me (my mom) and my dad will sleep on a spare bed in the living room. This makes me feel horrible because I'm giving my parents (both of whom are in their 60s) shit about having to share a room with her and then inconveniencing them more. I know they feel guilty about leaving her in another city and I feel for them but I don't want to have to keep sacrificing my stuff because they have these big delusions that they can fix her. I just want to get out of this situation, I'd like to move out but my daily routine doesn't even leave me time for myself much less being able to find and work at a job without basically dying by the second day. I have no money and I don't know how to deal with this situation. I've been stressed for months on end already about college and this has just made everything much worse than it was. I have no place that I can feel safe and it sucks so hard.
Your immediate response people?
You do you first...
Giphy
Your mental health is important too. You need to make urgent plans to move out.
Their amateur psychiatry is going to end very badly for all of you. They seem unable to accept that she isn't going to get better, all she can hope for is a safe managed environment, like a ward.Well, parents do crazy misguided stuff for love. And like many families, yours revolves round the most damaged person. You are being ignored to save her. This is sadly common (it seems to have evolutionary roots, which I am sure are of no interest to you right now, so I'll STFU on that.) Their view will be that YOU are able to cope for yourself. So there's no point trying to guilt them ("Your stupid and dangerous idea is driving me out"). And don't you feel guilty either: she is their responsibility not yours. Their sleeping on the sofa is a direct consequence of their own bad choices, not yours. Sure, life dealt them a shitty hand by giving them a schizophrenic kid, but they are making bad choices that make it worse for all of you: them, her, you: everyone would be happier if she were in a facility.
Stick with the meds...
I agree with a lot of this post. OP definitely needs to prioritize her personal well-being.
However, I do need to challenge your statement that "she isn't going to get better, all she can hope for is a safe managed environment, like a ward." People with schizophrenia can definitely hope for more than that. They can often live mostly normal lives - if they are diligent in complying with their meds and other treatments. The fact that OP's parents keep trying to take OP's sister off her meds, away from her treatment, and sending her to priests/shamans/etc. Is absolutely inexcusable. So yes, OP's sister is definitely better off in a facility; Not because that's all that people with schizophrenia can hope for, but because it keeps her away from her dangerous parents.
Coping Mechanism
You either move out or dig deep and find a way to cope. Your parents are consumed by their own guilt and destroying the lives of both their adult kids and it's terrible. You don't really have any power here though. I encourage you to look into your own counseling through your university and start doing anything and everything you can to look into moving out as soon as possible.
Run away...
Giphy
Your parents are people that forget the hard-earned lessons they learn each time they bring her home.
You remember. And you are not obligated to stay and watch them make the same mistake over and over. For your own mental health, you need to figure out a way to move. And figure out how to do it in such a way that you never need to return.
Find roommates. Get a loan. Move closer to the school. Reduce your class load. Whatever it takes to make this work. You cannot share a house with someone with a proven history of destroying your stuff. You'll probably be shocked by how much better you'll sleep and how much more energy you'll have once you're out of that house.
You can't clean up your parent's mess...
In the short term absolutely take your parents room while you're finding somewhere else to live. They caused this situation, and you need to protect your mental health. It sucks but maybe if they have to sleep on the sofa they'll be less keen to remove her without an long-term support plan in place.
Work hard... Get out!
Giphy
Oh God, I'm so sorry. All I can tell you is work as hard as you can, get the best grades you can, and MOVE OUT as quickly as you can. That's literally the only thing you can do to make your life better. You can't change your parents, you can't change your sister, your only option is to save yourself.
Life-long engagement
Go to your school's financial aid and residential life offices. Find out what options are available to you financially, and see if they can find you an affordable living space.
I'm so sorry your parents refuse to understand that managing serious mental health issues is a life-long engagement that can require ongoing care. Or if they do get that, then they feel they can do it themselves. They can't and they've obviously done much to damage their relationship with you. And since they are willfully obstinate about this, you are under no obligations to forgive them any time soon.
Time's up!
Giphy
So here is the problem with living with other people, you have to accept how they do things. It's time for you to stop staying with your parents.
Focus inward
Giphy
What about your mental health?? You need to tell your parents how you feel, and if they can't come up with a way to help you feel safe and supported as well, look for roommates and rooms to rent. You're doing so well trying to get through college, but you're going to have to be your own advocate because your prents aren't able to help you both.
Also, your parents doing this yo-yo thing, in/out in/out is NOT helping your sister. It's hurting the whole family
What could possibly go wrong?
It turns out there are so many variables that can contribute to making the bride and groom's celebration a major matrimonial miss.
Curious to hear examples of weddings gone wrong, Redditor lolf**kno asked:
"Those who have been to a ruined wedding, what happened?"
Dramatic brawls and speeches plagued these weddings.
Catty Attendees And Booze
"Very beautiful wedding in a huge barn at this apple orchard. They must have spent a ton of money on the decorations and catering because it looked like something out of a magazine. The ceremony was great, the flower girl did her thing, the vows got everyone choked up. Everything seemed to be going well. Not even 15 minutes into the reception the mothers of the bride and groom getting into a full out brawl, hair pulling, red wine being thrown. Their sons jump in to defend their honor, chairs start being throw, tables are flipped, parents are grabbing children and running for their lives."
"​The bride and groom are horrified and leave immediately and head back their honeymoon suite. My fiancé and I left after this as well but we heard from some other friends that most people ended up staying and getting wasted at the open bar on the bride and groom's dime. Apparently, the fight started because one of the groom's sister complimented the bride's grandmother's dress. The bride's mom thought she was being sarcastic and called her a b*tch, then the drama ensued. Mind you they had all been pregaming the wedding pretty hard."
– AdmiralWackbar
Playing For The Drunk Uncle
"I played a wedding where as we started playing the set, everyone ran outside and nobody was to be seen for the rest of the night."
"I originally assumed it was because nobody liked us but the bride came in afterwards and said there was a huge fight involving multiple members of both families and everyone basically went home upset, injured or in a police van."
"We couldn't stop playing since we were payed and it was our job, and the only person watching was the drunk uncle dancing on his own asking for requests we didn't know."
– TornApartByLisa
Maid Of Honor Speech Goes Off The Rails
"Was a guest of friend of the bride, did not know anyone attending. Very expensive over the top place, several hundred guests of this very Italian wedding. Maid of honor grabs mic at the cocktail hour begins her speech, rambling, drunk. Quickly devolves to stating the recently deceased mother of the bride was against this wedding and that's basically what killed her. Plus Vinny will never give up sex workers. She is tackled by several people and dragged away."
"The happy couple is separated and divorced within a year."
– Rocky1268
This is what happens when bad luck crashes weddings.
Tumbling Into The Sunset
"I work at a golf course with a lot of history behind it. We do wedding venues inside the clubhouse and the actual ceremony is held outside by the historic water fountain and large pond."
"First problem was the weather. I live in the high desert and it was very warm. A solid 90 degrees that day and it was also pretty windy. So everyone's outside, no umbrellas, no ezups."
"The next problem, and probably the worst, was the golf cart incident. The bride and groom wanted to 'ride into the sunset' on one of our golf carts. Drive around a little bit on the golf course. To be fair, it is beautiful on the course during sunset. However the cart had somehow gotten a nail in the tire, tire went flat, battery on the cart went crazy and the cart ended up freaking out. It came to an complete stop from 15mph to zero. The wheels and mechanisms locked up, almost seizing. Both the bride and groom (fairly overweight mind you) both fell out and rolled over a few times. They were totally okay, just a few bruises and perhaps a bruised ego or two. So retrieving that cart was fun."
"And last but not least, the power inside the clubhouse went out to do the high winds. There was no after party available. Only the cake was cut, hardly any food was given out. Yeah, not a great day to cover for someone on your day off."
– Itsallover_
Foggy Memory
"I was not born yet, but my parents rented the observation deck on the Hancock building in Boston for their reception. Tallest building in the city, beautiful view. My dad pored over historic weather charts to figure out what day was statistically most likely to be nice out. Day of the wedding comes and of course, thick fog unlike anything they'd ever seen before. Couldn't see a thing out the windows of the room they had picked specifically for the view."
"Worked out well though, they were happily married for nearly 30 years before cancer took my dad's life a few years ago."
"There's one other funny anecdote from that wedding: The wedding was held in Kings Chapel, which is an incredibly historic church here in downtown Boston that's somewhat of a major tourist attraction. To close that on a weekend afternoon for a wedding, it turns out, was not very expensive. The tourists waiting outside to see the church didn't know that, though, and someone started the rumor that my parents were incredibly wealthy, maybe even Kennedys. As a result, there were tons of people taking photos of them when they left the ceremony. Not sure if any of them ever figured out that my parents were most certainly not rich or famous."
– mimicthefrench
Morbid Surprise
"I was best man at my sister in laws wedding (stepped in for the brother of the groom, that's another story entirely)."
"For a whole year of planning all the bride (SIL) wanted was a dove release while they said handwritten vows to each other. Very small, non denominational (most of the family are atheist anyway) wedding."
"Day arrives (early summer) and something is off with the bird handlers. They show up a bit late and are sourcing help from the wedding party to get everything in line. When the time comes to say their vows I help the handler carry the chest with the doves in it over to what is to be the altar where the bride and groom are standing."
"Vows are just about wrapping up and the handler gives ME the signal to open the chest. I open it and see 20-30 DEAD DOVES IN THE CRATE!!!! I immediately close it to try and limit who knows what happened. Too late. The look of horror on the bride's was all that was needed. We spent the next few hours trying to cheer everyone up but by the end of the reception the entire wedding party had organized and filed animal cruelty complaints on the handler. It was all anyone could focus on."
Tragic losses unfortunately befell leading up to or at a couple's nuptials.
The Wedding Guest Who Left Too Soon
"When I was 6 or 7 I went to a cousin's wedding. Everything was fabulous for little me, so much sugar everywhere, basically heaven. The reception was in a big community center that was reserved for the occasion. Went to the girls' bathroom, passing by the men's room to see my uncle on the floor. Went back to the main room to tell my dad my uncle was looking weird. Well, uncle had a stroke and had died."
"The bride spent the rest of the afternoon crying, and everyone except close family left."
"Bright side is the mariage is still going strong 20 years later, despite what happened that day."
– DecadentOrange
A Terminal Diagnosis
"Leading up to my friends wedding his father had been battling cancer after a terminal diagnosis. And it was touch and go whether he would be well enough to attend the wedding, in the end he was too unwell to attend despite wishing that he could."
"Just as we got to the wedding reception my friend was informed that his father had just passed away. It was devastating."
– boatson25
Wedding Crashers
"Happened to my classmate. He is successful middle level manager, divorced, about 35yo or so. Found a girl of his dreams but from a provincial poor town. The girl insisted to have the wedding in her town to show off her 'success.' The wedding is crashed by her old friends including male friends who are not that sophisticated and have some tense feelings towards the successful groom from the city. Somebody starts a fight in the middle of wedding, groom is trying to stop it and got stabbed in the back. Died right there. And he was my classmate."
– anarchyinuk
​An Unfortunate Trespassing
"The wedding was at a state park that's famous for its giant gorge/waterfall. I don't know whose idea this was, but someone suggested a photo overlooking this gorge and everybody was game. The wedding party went around a stone security barrier and the maid of honor literally fell off the cliff to her death. It was like 500+ feet."
– SingzJazz
With a lot riding on a wedding to go off without a hitch, the mounting pressure is one where something is surely to buckle.
And because wedding guests are usually inebriated and high on the buzz of celebration, they throw caution to the wind and make some choices they wouldn't make under normal circumstances.
People's ill-advised actions can have regretful consequences, but no one expects death to be an outcome.
Fortunately, the weddings I've attended or heard about from friends were not as catastrophic as the anecdotes mentioned above.
While the Redditors' stories are sorrowful, it gives me a sense of relief these devastating examples are rare occurrences.
Have we met? That is an actual question I asked a gift giver once. (Who shall rename nameless) Football tickets. FOOTBALL TICKETS?! Who? What? I can't.
Looks Familiar
Broad City Wow GIF by Comedy CentralGiphy"My own scarf. Yes, that's right, my mother went into my room took my only scarf, wrapped it and gave it to me like it was a new scarf."
Devastation!
"Thought I was getting a bike for my 15th birthday but my foster parents announced that they were sending me to a group home after living with them for 11 years. Devastation! That place was a wake up call. More independence then at my foster home but those kids had it really really bad, 12 year old heroine addicts, abuse... what the entire hell! I hurried up, graduated from high school at 16 and got the hell out of that place. I turned out ok, work in the legal field, live in Las Vegas. I did forgive my foster parents before they died."
The Forgotten One
"My brother and I worked for a farmer one summer, and he paid us with a used car. At the end of the next year, my brother graduated high school, so my parents paid me out for my half of the car, and that was his graduation gift. I gave them all a big discount compared to what it was worth. So like $500 for my share of a $2500 car."
"2 years later, and I needed $50 for some graduation fees, so I borrowed it from my mom until I could get to the bank. (Before mobile banking and ATMs everywhere.) Later, when my mom is telling me they invited all their friends over for a 'graduation' party, I asked if they had gotten a gift for me. "Well I gave you fifty bucks."
"I paid it back the next day, and she didn't blink. The 'graduation party' was just my parents friends, who said congratulations to me, but it wasn't really for me. A few years later, my little sister graduated, she got a car. They bought a used car for her, and our other little sister got the same when she graduated. My parents are mostly nice, and I never felt like they singled me out at birthdays or anything. Just my graduation seemed like I turned invisible."
Office Party Fail
"HR complaint from two subordinates fighting over how to throw me a surprise birthday party."
- BBoySlim
"I've never worked in an office environment, but the stories I've heard of people being required to buy a cake for the whole office and to celebrate their birthday with their coworkers would be enough to keep me in blue collar work for life, were it not for the fact that I love being active and working with my hands and could never sit at a desk all day anyway."
Basics
law school finals GIFGiphy"My Asian mom's gift was "no extra Kumon homework after school homework" so my birthday gift was that I didn't get extra homework from her."
Regifting is trash behavior. Do better. I'd rather you just say I forgot. Or... I just don't care for that much. But regifting? No.
season 4 lint roller GIF by Veep HBOUnlucky 13
"Stomach flu and my first ever period, at the same time. I think it was my 13th birthday."
- kelpself
"Omg, exact same story for me. It was my 13th birthday and my family took us kids to visit our relatives in Subsaharan Africa for the first time. I was sick, jetlagged, overheated and riding down a bumpy road in a Jeep driven by my dad in the complete darkness. We had just eaten at a restaurant where I found a giant scarab beetle in the bottom of my soup bowl. I have flashbacks to this day."
Lazy Thoughts...
"My grandparents have been gifting me (and my brother) the same set of three vice grips for almost 10 years. Collectively we have 60 vice grips. I don't know if they bought a pallet of them, or where they are coming from. GET A GRIP GRANDMA!"
"I had a friend who's father was famous for doing Christmas shopping at the last minute. One year she complained that she went downstairs on Christmas morning and found, sticking out of her stocking, a spatula. Her birthday was a few days after telling that story, so myself and her friends all decided to get together and get her spatulas for her birthday, as a gag gift."
"Well, when it was our birthdays she retaliated. Which lead to a counter-offensive. And soon a new tradition was formed. And guys, I have so many spatulas now. Everything from dollar store cheap plastic, to hand-carved spatulas, a golden spatula, and even a replica of the famous Malaysian fighting spatula."
"I've got seasonal spatulas. As in, today it's time to pack away the Christmas spatulas and bring out the heart-shaped Valentine's day ones, followed by the bunny-shaped Easter ones. We've also been passing around this clip from the Weird Al Yankovic movie UHF. "Spatula City, we sell spatulas, and that's all!"
Their ultimate whack-a-doo move...
"A pair of homemade custom pajamas. Only problem was that they weren't made yet. It was just the fabric and a promise to make them for me. I had to give the fabric back and I never got the pajamas."
"Holy cow my parents do crap like this. It's so freaking weird. Their ultimate whack-a-doo move was to give my wife and I a few acres of their property."
"Nothing legal just at our wedding they gave us a card that basically said 'have some land.' When the dust settled I asked what they thought we would do with it, they said build a home. I said ok, gonna need legal ownership for like building a house. They said sure we will get right on that. Then they decide to sell out and retire and never mentioned our wedding 'gift' again."
Gross...
Disgusted Steve Carell GIFGiphy"My grandma got me a hairbrush with a plastic horse head handle. The horse head was all chipped up and there was hair in the brush."
Bummer...
"My Godfather sent me a Birthday card each year which said, he paid 100 bucks to a bank account which I was supposed to get, when 16yo. He then got into alcohol, used all the money and died."
Oh for God sake, why even bother giving anything at all? Lint rollers, used brushes, homemade pjs... y'all ever hear of a gift card? Just put five bucks on it and call it a day. You can't hide cheap, so stop trying.
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I definitely wouldn't turn down an excursion to AREA 51. I'd like to poke around and get a sense of the place. I've never personally been up close and face to face with a "non-Earther." Not sure I'd like to be...
TV Truth
x files monkey pee GIF by The X-FilesGiphy"UFOs/Aliens are a cover for all of the secret projects that the government is working on. Actually stole that from the X files."
Birth
"How human birth parallels alien abductions:
- Babies are taken from their home (womb)
- They still developing sight, so they see bright lights and grey figures.
- They hear an "alien" language they don't understand.
- They suddenly feel cold after leaving their womb.
- They are in a surgery room being poked with tons of instruments.
Long story short: some people suggest that abductions are just people who had memories of their birth."
In the Mind
"I just don't think anyone will ever see this. But I think that UFO's are the projection of our unconscious collective mind. Everything that exists in reality, also exists, in our immaterial mind. Is it possible that the insides of our mind are also just one drop in the ocean of consciousness... and together we create the material reality were in, simply by experiencing it in a real way, inside-out through our senses."
Flyover...
"My father was an aircraft mechanic and fabricator for test and spy aircraft for the USAF. He spent 75-85 working with test aircraft. He said that when they were going to do a test, that could possibly be seen by the public, they would make a betting pool on how many UFO reports local authorities and flight towers received."
Under the Sea
sci-fi ufo GIFGiphy"I like the idea that some UFOs aren't machines. Instead they are some sort of Upper-Atmosphere Jellyfish. I found the issue of Fortean Times that had this article. Here's the cover: http://ft.gjovaag.com/q/images/a/ae/FT291.jpg"
- BigD1970
Interesting. There are some ideas we can look into. None of it proof, but possibilities. There are certainly plenty of future film ideas.
Like 2012...
"We are like that un contacted tribe and everyone agrees not to bother us."
"I've heard it explained from a channel (idk if you know what channeling is) kinda like this. First of all, we as a species tend to freak out, shoot first and ask questions later. Most humans would have a literal psychotic break. You have to believe in vibrational energy as it relates to our consciousness."
"The aliens (certain ones) are at such a higher level that it would be jarring for us to come in close contact with. We are slowly getting there but it's a process. Like 2012, end of the Mayan calendar, wasn't the end of the world it was the end of an energy cycle that we as the human race had never made it past before."
"Previous civilizations have been destroyed or destroyed themselves before they got this far. We passed a point where we are very unlike to destroy ourselves anymore. This doesn't mean we won't see some real bad hardships yet but we will keep progressing."
- falecf4
"train your eyes"
Dancing GIFGiphy"I was a firm believer in t em when I was in high school and kept googling theories and info in my spare time and during my study halls. They said their bodies were so lightweight or something that the reason why you can't see the evidence is that they disintegrate before hitting the ground."
"And then LOL it was so funny, some people would swear you could "train your eyes" to see rods... HhhahAHAHAHA. Like there were these experts. Video showed him walking around with a serious face, then pointing. And he's like, "that was one just there." "You can't see them, you have to be used to them... like me."
"I've spent many years immersed into hunting them finding them. That's why I can see them." And then one day China, who loves occult stuff, had like a lab that set up a nighttime camera to capture footage of rods at night... then realized they were normal bugs at overexposure. lol"
Lurking
"The Dark Forest theory. Basically the theory that the reason we haven't made contact is because all the other civilized life in the universe/galaxy knows not to broadcast their location. They've learned that there's something awful or predatory lurking in the dark forest of our galaxy, and that it's better if they keep to themselves."
Unknowns...
"That the universe is so vast that we haven't been discovered yet."
- neoastic
"This makes sense to me because traversing the distance to or from even our our stellar neighbors would require technology that is not known to us now or likely to be known by us anytime soon if it's even possible at all. To assume without evidence that aliens could possess this technology and have visited us does not meet my skeptical standards."
- KZED73
Back and Forth
back to the future great scott GIFGiphy"Time travel exists, and UFO sightings are actually future humans coming back to our time. That is why they are so discreet, and never openly make contact."
I hope time travel exists. Now that I'm onboard for. If aliens do exist... just come on out guys. We could probably use your help.
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